


The Pain We Call Hope

by DarkShadeKristen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anger Management, Angst, Car Accidents, Coma, Drunken behaviour, Drunkenness, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Misunderstandings, Morning After, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Permanent Injury, Self-Harm, Serious Injuries, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 06:46:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 215,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkShadeKristen/pseuds/DarkShadeKristen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time has stopped for Levi, life ceased to move completely. He's been stuck in a moment ever since the tragic night.</p><p>Frozen.</p><p>And then one day, his eyes meet bright green and his world starts anew. His heart gets a sudden jolt and time begins to move once again. But does Levi remember what it means to truly live or is it too late to melt his cold heart?</p><p>Is it frozen? Or maybe it's broken beyond hope?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Fool's Hope

**Author's Note:**

> My bff said that if I didn't attach this small info they would divorce me (metaphorically) :)  
> So here it goes - They recommend to listen to ''Be Still'' by Fray with this. Decision is up to you.  
> On another note - this is my first work, so I humbly ask for bit of understanding if this just...well, sucks :) I also welcome all forms of criticism. I hope you just enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it :)  
> Bon Appetit :)  
> [My tumblr](http://heartmadefvllmetal.tumblr.com)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance meeting that will change it all.

''Damn it!''  
  
Levi cursed under his breath as he walked as fast as his legs, not as long as he'd like them to be, could carry him towards the room. Down a path, he knew all too well.   
  
Straight from the entrance, first left, then up the stairs to the second floor and then right and straight about 50 meters until the end of the corridor, the very last room on the right.

He passed a desk on his way and nodded his head towards the lady sitting behind it. A simple courteous gesture but it was almost like a reflex to him. Just like the path was automatic, this motion was as well. Repeated and repeated until it sunk deep underneath his skin, like a Pavlov's dog case – a classical conditioning. Levi almost smirked to himself at this stupid thought. 

He hated it, he despised that he went through this corridor so many times that it had this kind of effect on his psyche. 

Still, he walked on, in a hurry to get to his destination.   
  
He arrived later than he anticipated. It was one hell of a day. His whole work day sucked, nothing went the way it was supposed to, everything today was nothing but chaos and if Levi didn't like something, chaos and disorder were on top of the list.   
  
To add to it all, it was already after 8 p.m.; he would barely have an hour until the end of the visiting hours. When he finally got to the room, he slowed down and stood in front of the doors, with his hand on the handle for almost a minute. He took deep breaths to calm down his heart. 

It wasn't beating faster just because of his almost sprint; it was beating with anticipation that this time would be different, that this time he would meet a different picture after opening this damn and cursed hospital door. But he was too realistic, almost a pessimist, to hold on to that faint light of hope for too long. If anything changed they would've called him. But his irrational, human side would still send him this slight nudge of anticipation every time, just before going inside.   
  
He sighed and pushed the door with much reluctance. When it was finally opened and he could see inside it, his heart sunk low like it did every time he saw him like this. The most important person in his life, lying in the hospital bed, surrounded with machines, ticking and beeping away as the only indicator that the person attached to them was alive. For he was listless, unmoving, eyes closed, face expression with no emotion at all. The sight pained Levi every single time. 

Some side of him hoped, the very egoistic one, that with time he would grow accustomed to this scene, that it would hurt less with his next visit. But like everything else in this situation – it was a fool's hope. Seeing Erwin today, unmoving and still, hurt him just the same the way it did three years ago.   
  
Levi pushed away all the heavy thoughts and walked up to the bed. He put his bag on the back of the chair next to it and stood right over the bed. With the faintest smile, he took the older man's hand into his own two and brushed his thumb over it. The sensation of the touch all too familiar to him.   
  
''Heya, buddy.'' He whispered, never letting go of the hand while sitting down on the chair.   
  
Levi never was one to talk too much but each time he came to see Erwin, he felt the urge to talk, the overwhelming need to tell him all about his day. Whether it was messed up or if it went smoothly, he told him all about it. In the beginning, he was shocked with himself; surprised that he was actually capable of talking so much, that it didn't annoy him like it always did when he had to talk to other people.   
  
But deep inside he knew the reason he did this. He deluded himself that if he told Erwin all about it that it would feel like his friend wasn't missing out, that when he would finally wake up from this hell called coma, he would know all about Levi's life when he was not in it. Once again – a fool's hope.   
  
''I'm sorry I am this late but you cannot imagine the hell of the day that I went through today. It was like Friday the 13th or something, maybe even worse. I mean, I know I tend to get a bit too strict about my day's plan but today would make even the most disorganized person want to rip someone's head off.   
  
And Hanji? I do not know to this day how you can put up with this person! I mean, we have this chaos in the office, one order and meeting falling through after another and what do they do?! They look like they're a cat in a sea of catnip! Like life couldn't get any better than this! I am there, making two, three phone calls at the same time, talking to them about what we should do to get, well, _anything_ done today and they just gladly accept the orders. I am not saying Hange isn't sufficient. They works hard as hell. But can't they do it a bit less…cheerful?''   
  
Levi sighed as he let off some of the day's worth of steam, saying all of this rant in one breath. He realized he was squeezing Erwin's hand a bit too hard and loosened his grip but did not let go. He picked up Erwin's hand and leaned on the bed with his elbows. He stayed quiet for some time, just looking at Erwin's face. Levi brought the much bigger hand up to his face and leaned in to feel its warmth. He longed so badly to feel the touch of these fingertips on his cheek, but this would have to do.   
  
Leaning in on this immobile hand had to do it.   
  
For now – he always told himself. Just a bit more.   
  
But it was harder as he went on; it was more and more tough with every passing day, week, and month to even lie to himself. To some, it was only three years, especially to those who waited twice, thrice and four times as long for their loved ones to open their eyes and come back to them.   
  
But these three years weighted on Levi and on his soul.   
  
He was realistic; anyone who knew him, the first thing they most probably would say about him was that he was practical, organized and earthbound. The one that held everything together and rarely let any emotions show.   
  
But when Levi was here, when he was in these four walls with the tubes and the machines beeping in an annoying rhythm, he just had to act against his nature. He felt he had to lie to himself because if he didn't, he would fall apart again. He would crumble under the pressure and the cruel realism of a faint possibility that his only family would never come back to him; that he wouldn't see Erwin's eyes of striking icy blue shade again, a color that pierced through Levi every single time.   
  
He kept the hand against his cheek and carried on with speaking, this time slower as the first urgency to tell Erwin about his day was gone and now he could just be himself more; the composed and quiet Levi.   
  
''But they did save us today. Somehow they managed to calm down a client that stormed into the office saying there was something…''   
  
He stopped in mid sentence as he heard the door behind him open with a significant squeak. He jumped up a bit in his chair and turned around.   
  
In his hurry to get to the room, being quite exhausted amongst everything else, he didn't even turn on the light in the room; the light of the machines and a small lamp on the nightstand on the other side of the bed gave him enough comfort. So when the door opened, the light from the hallway poured in and blinded him; he had to squint to see anything.   
  
All he could see at the moment was a male posture standing in the doorway with his hand still on the handle. For some reason he was not coming inside or leaving, just standing there and looking at Levi. At least that's what Levi thought the man was doing because he couldn't see his face at all. It seemed to Levi that, for some reason, he was surprised to see Levi in here.   
  
Just when Levi was about to speak, to tell him to close the goddamn door or to ask him who the hell he is, the man spoke first. Well, more like murmured to himself but Levi heard nevertheless.   
  
''Oh, you're here…'' The stranger said as he closed the door behind as he walked inside the room.   
  
''Huh?  What are you talking about?''   
  
Levi lowered his eyebrows, blinking rapidly to get his vision back.   
  
In the meantime, he let go of Erwin's hand, let it lay on the bed and covered it with the blanket. When he came in earlier and took it in his hands he felt it was slightly cold so he did not want that to happen again. The stranger walked around to the other side of the bed, scratching the back of his neck as if he was embarrassed. When he stopped next to the machines, Levi finally had a clear view of him and now at least understood the reason why this person was here.   
  
He was wearing a light blue shirt and identical matching pants. He had an I.D. clipped to his shirt's pocket and a stethoscope around his neck.   
  
_''He doesn't have a smock so he has to be a nurse right?''_   
  
The man smiled awkwardly when he caught Levi scanning him from head to toe. When their eyes met for an instant, the young male spoke while leaning in to get the chart from the head of the bed.   
  
''I'm sorry to disturb your visit but I have to change his IV and note down today's stats.''   
  
Levi only nodded but kept his gaze on the stranger. He was quite surprised. Somehow he almost always managed to miss the times they changed Erwin's IVs or gave him any meds, especially lately. He forgot the last time he saw someone else in this room besides himself and his comatose friend. He knew his condition had to be monitored 24/7 and probably happened at any given time of the day but he simply missed those medical visits from the hospital staff. The only time he spoke to the doctor was when they wanted to change Erwin's meds for some reason or the other and those times too, were done over the phone.   
  
But even though seeing another living being in this room besides the two of them, shocked him, there was another thing. It was something silly and ridiculous when Levi ponders on it later. What had surprised him was the fact that he was a male nurse. Levi knew it was quite common today but he simply didn't see one before. Even though he spent every other day, if not almost every, of last three years in this hospital.   
  
Levi almost let a smirk break through his face at the stupidity of his thoughts but controlled himself.   
  
The stranger must have felt Levi's stare on him because when a new IV was hanging on the stand and he finished attaching the other end to Erwin's arm, he looked up at him, and after clearing of his throat, he spoke.

''Um, if you'd like to know anything, ask about his condition you can go ahead. I am not a doctor but I might be able to provide the information that you need.''   
  
The nurse surprised him when he looked him straight in the eyes while speaking. Not many people did that. For some reason they were intimidated by Levi's presence, overlooking his lack of height. It was like his persona was that of someone you shouldn't underestimate; not that that wasn't true. He may lack in physical strength but in character – he just knew he could coerce a man even twice his size when he wanted to. But Levi never did it intentionally. It was just how he was and because of that, people kept their distance. But then again, Levi was somewhat grateful for that. In the end, he wasn't an open person. But at times it weighed on him and he felt that burden when he let his guard down. But not this kid. He looked Levi straight in the eyes as he talked and didn't let his gaze wander as he awaited Levi's reaction.

Levi, a little lost in thought, took some time to actually register what was said to him.   
  
''What? Oh, no. I don't have any questions. I mean... – he sighed as he looked at Erwin's face for a moment and then back at the kid – unless there was some change that I should know about?''   
  
The male nurse looked down at the chart that he was holding against his chest and studied it for a moment. When he looked up, his expression showed sadness and remorse. Levi knew the answer right away without him saying a single word.   
  
"I'm sorry but…"              
  
"Don't. I know what you're going to say." Levi said instantly while looking away, stopping the young man in mid-sentence.   
  
When Levi looked up at him again, he saw it. The hurt and the surprise in the kid's eyes.

It took him back actually. Not that he was shocked by the reaction. He knew he caused these types of feelings in many people when he spoke in a very straightforward and harsh way. Not that he cared much. He wasn't acting like an asshole on purpose, it just happened to him at times. He simply spoke his mind straight on. Only later he consulted with his heart that he might've gone overboard. Seeing anger and distance on people's faces was nothing new to him and he couldn't blame them. At times, he didn't like himself much either.   
  
But this here, this look on this young male nurse's face was one he didn't see before.   
  
Sincere hurt and sorry. It was written all over his face. The pain was there, in those deep, emerald green eyes. It was like they were emanating his feelings, pouring out of him and either he didn't realize he was like an open book to anyone who looked or he just didn't care.   
  
"I-I am sorry that I can't give you good news. It was stupid of me to ask and …"   
  
Levi looked as the man fumbled with his fingers on the chart he was now holding onto for the dear of life. His knuckles started to become white with the strength he was putting in the grip. Suddenly Levi felt he needed to apologize, he felt he shouldn't have jumped at the other man when it wasn't his fault whatsoever for what the cruel reality was.   
  
''No. Don't apologize. It's not your fault, you can't change what is written on that piece of shit.''   
  
Levi once again just spoke his mind. Not that he was a saint and didn't curse. He did like any other person but thought it wasn't polite to do so when speaking to people he didn't know.   
  
''Sorry for my language. It was just a very long day.'' He sighed as he rubbed the spot between his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, hoping to release some pressure that was gathering up. Then he heard a small chuckle and looked up.   
  
The kid was smiling.   
  
No, it was too much to say it was a smile. It was only a tiny grin, his lips barely pulled up at the sides but smiling nevertheless.   
  
At that instant, Levi felt that _this_ expression fit those green eyes much better than the look of hurt he gave Levi before.   
  
''No need. Well, I did what I had to do so I'll be going now. I don't want to interrupt your visit anymore.''   
  
He nodded politely towards Levi, put the chart back in its place after noting something down on it and went on his way to exit the room.   
  
He was almost at the exit when Levi turned around in his chair and felt the need to stop him for some reason. Normally he wouldn't give it a second thought but he felt he needed to ask him his name. It was a simple task but when the words were about to come out, Levi's throat tightened. He cleared his throat and when he finally managed to speak, what his ears heard wasn't exactly what he was planning to say.   
  
''What did you mean when you came in?''   
  
The young man stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. There was confusion written all over his face while he tilted his head a bit in question. So Levi, after his mind caught up with what his mouth was saying, specified his question.   
  
''When you came in and saw me you said 'You're here.' What did you mean? Why did it sound like you knew someone... No; that I might be in the room?''   
  
The young man widened his eyes as he suddenly realized something. It seemed the kid himself forgot he said anything in the first place and didn't even realize Levi heard him as well.  
  
He smiled an awkward smile this time while his hand traveled to the back of his neck, scratching it. It seemed he was buying himself time to come up with an answer.   
  
''Um….'' He spoke after a longer moment.   
  
Levi just sat there wondering what was going through the other man's mind. And even more so, he was wondering why he even cared?

And then the nurse looked into Levi's eyes once more and as he held Levi's gaze, he suddenly felt really tired and decided that he lacked the strength to go and try to figure out what was going through some kid's head. He opened his mouth to speak, to tell him that it didn't matter, that he didn't care in the end but the young man spoke first after letting out a very long sigh. It seemed that he finally made his decision and gave up on whatever his explanation would bring him.

''Well, I've been working on this ward for almost six months now. And it just happens that most often I get the middle shift, you know the one that no one wants to take. Between 4 p.m. and midnight but it doesn't bother me all that much.'' Levi sat there really confused why he was listening to some nurse's life but didn't want to interrupt him again so he just kept quiet. ''But never mind that. Well, my work at the evening hours is to give the meds, check and change IVs and so on, but also, as the visiting hours are until nine I have to check that people go home. And well…," He swallowed really hard as if he was a child standing against the wall, telling the teacher why he hit his friend, confessing his crimes in a way that would get him into the least amount of trouble. "I watched you.''

''Huh?'' Now, Levi did _not_ see that one coming.

The nurse must have noticed shock on Levi's face because he put up his hands in a defensive gesture and kept on speaking, this time much quicker. Trying to get his explanation out in the open as fast as possible.

''It's not like it sounds! Well, this room here is one of the last ones on my list but I noticed that he would almost always have a guest in the evening," The younger man looked for a second at Erwin's bed and then back at Levi, "so I thought that I would wait till you would leave, leave this room for last so I wouldn't disturb you.''

Levi was once more, for the umpteenth time this evening, not sure what to say. This kid here was willing to bend his working plan for Levi's convenience, a stranger and a visitor like many others. He wasn't used to these simple gestures of kindness. And Levi was sure that the man in front of him wouldn't be able to imagine how much such a simple task meant to Levi.

He didn't have too many hours in the day to spare for these visits; busy with work and everything else going on in his life, he tried his hardest to visit every day. But sometimes it was simply impossible. So when he finally did come over, he wanted peace and quiet to share with Erwin. To simply hold his hand, tell him about his day, other times to not speak a single word; just sit there and enjoy the tranquillity that Erwin's presence brought.

But something in this situation didn't make sense.

''Really? You did that? But it's still after 8 p.m. and I always leave just before the end of visiting hours. You thought I wouldn't come in today?''

What appeared on the green-eyed man's face, the expression that Levi received, was not one that he would ever expect. It was a simple question but then why in the world the man in front of him was blushing, his cheeks tainted with more and more shade of crimson?

Again there was guilt written all over his face and if Levi had known what was going on for a moment, he was lost again.

''Um, not really. Can I be honest with you?'' Levi only nodded in response. ''After a little while, I noticed that you would have this kind of a routine. Around 8:30 you would go downstairs to get something to drink and then be back and stay till the very end. Though I never had to ask you to leave, you would leave this room like 9 o'clock sharp. And well, I always went while you were gone for those 10 – 15 minutes. It made it a bit easier on my schedule and … ''

His voice trailed off and he looked down at his hands.

To be honest, Levi felt a little awkward knowing that he was being, well,  _watched_. But he understood. And he knew what the nurse meant; he did tend to have small routines during the day. He would always get a coffee before leaving the hospital. He would buy it downstairs in the small shop they had there, come back up and drink it quietly in the room. He never finished it, though. He left some for the way back to his house that was not so close. Around 20 – 30 minutes by foot and Levi always walked that distance. He just  _had_ to walk it all off. The feelings that always gathered up inside him after seeing Erwin's unmoving, frozen expression.

Why was today different? That question lingered in the air and it seemed that this change in plans baffled this man; he wasn't expecting to see Levi in the room at this precise hour. The blush wasn't leaving the nurse's face so Levi felt that he should do something to ease the tension that gathered up in the room. For both of their sakes.

''Ease up, kid. I understand. It was really kind of you to go out your way for me." His eyes shot up right away and the light in them literally lit up the room. "But let's start over. What's your name anyway?''  

''Oh right! I didn't even introduce myself! My name is Eren. Nice to meet you.''

Eren walked up to him, with his hand extended. He was very straightforward and awaited Levi's response. Levi got up from his chair, took a half a step forward and took Eren's hand in his.

''Likewise. My name is Levi.''

"Oh, I know. Oops.''

Levi just looked at him with eyebrows raised and their hands still connected.

''I mean it's in the papers who can visit Erwin.''

''Oh right. Well…'' Now came the moment when Levi's lack of interpersonal skill showed. He had no idea what to say. He just let go of Eren's hand and stood there with uncomfortable silence hanging in the air. Thankfully Eren seemed more sociable; he just smiled as if the awkwardness never appeared.

''Anyway. I should go. I took up enough of your time already.''

''No, it's ok. I think I'll be going now anyway. I came here later than usual so that's why I didn't get my drink. The visiting hours are almost over anyway so…''

''No!'' Eren almost shouted, making Levi step back in surprise.

''Huh?''

Blush reappeared on Eren's face.

''I mean, stay a bit longer if you want. I'll talk to Mrs. Gray. That's the lady at the desk that you pass by and ask her to let you stay a little longer.''

Levi was stunned; he wasn't sure what to say.

''No. That's against the regulations. You don't have to trouble yourself. I'll just…''

''It's no problem at all. I'll talk to her right away.''

Before Levi could say another word the kid was out and gone from the room. He stood there for a moment, not sure what to make of this situation. He turned around to look at Erwin, his hand reaching for his head to scratch it in confusion.

''See Erwin? I can be nice when I try. Though this situation here…''

Levi sighed and shook his head. He went to sit on the chair once more. Somehow he felt a tad better now. He was still tired from the chaos that went on the whole day at his office, but it seemed some weight was lifted off his shoulders, he felt lighter in spirit. It must be the thought that he could stay with Erwin a little bit more, no matter how small, every extra minute counted to Levi just the same.

He put his head on the edge of the bed, his right hand holding Erwin's hand through the covers as he closed his eyes. He just needed a moment to let them rest; just a minute or two to regenerate. He really doubted that Eren would be able to pull off staying after visiting hours. Levi was certain that he wasn't the only guest that would love to stay longer. But wanting something didn't mean you would get it, even if you wished for it with all your heart. The real world just didn't function that way. Levi knew all too well. But it was still kind of Eren to try.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Levi hasn't realized he dozed off. He didn't actually think that he was that tired to fall asleep in such a position, almost sitting up. He was quite confused where he was and what was going on. He was in that awful state when a person wakes up and doesn't know which way is up and which down. He quickly sat up straight and looked around, trying to catch up and let his brain start working again. When he looked left he saw Erwin lying on the bed, when he looked right he was faced with deep green eyes. The problem was – they were on the zoom in. They were mere centimeters away from his face.

The lethargy and the sleepiness were gone in an instant when he jumped back in his chair. He was awake in a flash and finally understood that it was just Eren, waking him up. His reaction must have looked somewhat foolish because he heard a small chuckle coming from the young man. Levi looked at him and then realized Eren had his hand on Levi's shoulder and glanced at it, still confused and just a tiny bit uncomfortable. Levi wasn't too keen on people touching him. Eren saw his look and took his hand off right away but the smile did not leave his face. Levi still could hear faint laughter coming from the young man.

''I'm sorry to scare you like that," Levi could clearly see that Eren was holding in his laughter, "but I just thought you wouldn't want to spend your time here sleeping. If I did something wrong, if I should've let you sleep…''

''No. Thank you. I didn't even feel I was sleepy and thought I should rest my head for a moment. I must've dozed off. What time is it anyway?''

Levi suddenly felt panicky. If the kid actually managed to get him some more time with Erwin and he spent it sleeping he would be really pissed with himself. Not to mention Eren's thoughtfulness would go to waste.

Eren must have noticed Levi's sudden panic as he looked around in search of the clock because he spoke. 

''Oh, don't worry about it." This time he was calm, held in laughter gone but a smile still painted on his face. It was such a warm, calm and sincere smile that filled his eyes. Eyes that were once again locked with Levi's. "You couldn't be asleep for more than 15 – 20 minutes. It's only little after 9 p.m." Levi opened his mouth to speak but he was never able to utter a single word. "And before you get up to leave you don't have to. I spoke to Mrs. Gray and after a  _bit of_ persuasion, she let you stay a bit longer. So just sit and enjoy your tea.''

Levi thought that he must be still a bit sleepy because once again he had no idea what Eren was talking about.

''Oh, right. I got you a tea when I went to talk to Mrs. Gray. I didn't know what kind of coffee you drink or if you would want one at this hour so I went with the safer choice of tea. Um, you don't have to drink it if you don't want to, I just thought… Well, never mind. I will  _leave_  now and leave you alone with him.''

Eren started walking away but Levi stopped him. He was as confused as the kid seemed to be in this situation, but he still felt the need to speak to him.

''Eren?" The kid stopped walking, "Um… Thank you.''

These simple words made Eren turn around and give Levi the biggest grin of the evening. He didn't say anything, just nodded his head and left the room. Levi sighed to himself and turned around. He looked at the bedside table and indeed there was a big cup standing on it. Levi reached out and took it in both his hands, feeling the warmth of it. He took a small sip, wondering if Eren added sugar. Right away he felt none of the awful sweetness he despised. He didn't notice any sugar slips on the table either so Eren must have assumed Levi didn't add sugar to his tea. And the truth was that he assumed correctly.

Levi wasn't sure till what hour he could stay, so he just sat back in his chair, slowly sipped his tea and talked to Erwin about really random stuff. He told him about the client that Hanji tamed today, the same one he started talking about when Eren first came into the room.

''Thank goodness Hanji was there. I would've just asked the security to take him out. I cannot learn how to deal with people, especially ones like  _that_. He accused us that the cards that he received were of a different size than the ones he ordered, that his boss was furious with our mistake. I tried telling him that it was impossible, that my company was not the one in the wrong, and I  _swear_  I was doing it as polite as possible but for some reason he just wasn't getting the point. That's when Hanji came in and took over. And it turns out I was right – it was his crew that had to sent in the wrong information.''

Levi took another sip of the tea, let its warmth spread through him. It was almost end of September and random nights tended to get a little bit chilly.

''Oh, and I got good news. I think I must be really tired that I didn't tell you about it right away. I paid off the last installment on the house. It's paid off in full and officially ours. It took one year longer than we thought but it's done. So when you'll wake up…''

Levi's voice trailed off, unable to continue his speech. He put the cup up to his lips and drank the tea in silence. He sat there quietly, not feeling like speaking anymore. And he was in the same exact position, about half an hour later, 10 p.m. closing in when Eren came into the room for the third time that evening.

This time Levi was neither surprised by his visit nor asleep so he met the kid's eyes with his usual look – an expressionless face and did not speak a word. He was hidden deep inside himself, blocked everything and everyone by walls he put up daily. His defense was in full mode, now that he was awake and ready for the conversation. But his usual personality wasn't the only factor that made this ''safe on mode'' come up.

Eren's presence meant that he had to leave. Leave Erwin behind once again, hooked up to the hospital apparatus, tubes sticking out of him, all alone in the darkness of the room. Levi had to put the barriers around himself this instant if he was to be able to take that step, that painful step through the threshold of this hell.

Levi knew that Eren either felt or saw his change in attitude. He had to notice that the man in front of him was unpleasant and subconsciously making him back off.

Eren took a deep breath and spoke quietly, awareness of the wall that protruded between them could be heard in his voice.

''Um, I came to tell you that you really have to leave now…''

Levi only nodded and started to get up but Eren wasn't done with whatever he had to say.

''And actually, I came to get you because you have to leave with me." Before Levi could say a word Eren continued. "Well, as you know you shouldn't be here so you have to leave the hospital with me because I am going outside for my break. This way the security won't say anything. So I'll give you a minute to pack and I'll be waiting at the stairs. ''

Again, Levi just nodded. He knew he was being a dick but he couldn't help it. Especially not right now. For some reason, Eren didn't say anything about it and just left the room. When Levi heard the door close, with his bag already put on across his shoulders, he bent down and hovered for a minute over Erwin's face. A smile suddenly appeared on Levi's face but it was filled with sorrow, hurt, pain and grief that were just a shadow of what Levi really felt on the inside. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to push that look away. A moment later he placed a faint kiss on Erwin's forehead.

He straightened himself and walked out of the room as fast as possible. He needed fresh air and he needed it  _now_.

Eren was standing right where he said he would, still in his nurse's outfit but a small leather bag across his chest, fumbling with his phone. When he looked up and saw Levi, he put the phone in his pocket right away and gave Levi a faint smile.

''I'm sorry for this but this was the only way to let you stay here a bit longer. Our hospital is actually really strict about it, so all in all, I just have to somewhat escort you outside.''

Leaving the room seemed to loosen Levi's tongue a little because he was finally able to answer Eren with more than a nod of his head.

''You tend to apologize a lot, don't you? When there's nothing to be sorry about. On the contrary, I should be saying sorry for the trouble I caused you.''

''No! It was no trouble at all.''

Silence fell upon them again but they both could feel the awkwardness of Levi's unpleasant behavior fading. They walked on, down the stairs and towards the exit of the hospital when in the meantime Levi noticed that Eren was trying to hold in his laughter once more. This time Levi just couldn't keep himself from it and asked.

''Am I missing something? What's so funny?''

''Um, it's nothing. I just remembered when you woke up.''

''You mean when  _you_ woke me?''

''Yeah. I mean your face… you looked like a startled little kitten…''

Levi could not believe what he was hearing. His eyes wide, digesting the words Eren spoke. He was  _sure_  he just heard being compared to a freaking  _kitten._

''Did you just…?''

Eren gritted his teeth with a smile plastered.

''You're one cheeky brat, aren't you?''

Whatever Levi's face looked like, it must have done it for Eren because he let out a full laughter. It was light and honest, the ones that start at the very bottom of the stomach and go through you. It filled his eyes and face as he laughed, quietly but fully, never stopping his walk. Levi felt he should be pissed off at this kid for laughing, well,  _at_  him, but just couldn't find it in himself to do so.

He just shook his head and walked on, but still feeling a little embarrassed.

When they got to the double doors, Eren was through with his laughing fit and waved at the security man standing near. The guard smiled at Eren and nodded. Levi assumed he must have spoken with him about Levi being his ''guest''. They were outside, the automatic doors slowly sliding behind them when Levi heard the security man's voice.

''Good luck, Eren!''

The door closed and Levi looked at Eren, whose eyes widened while looking at the guard and shaking his head. He looked at Levi and sighed.

''Don't ask. Anyway, it was nice meeting you, Levi.''

''Yeah. Thanks for…today.''

"No problem. I hope…" he looked down for a second and then up again, "that your… That Erwin wakes up soon… Anywho! I gotta go! See you around?''

Levi nodded and the brat was gone, walking away in an opposite direction to where Levi was going. Suddenly he felt really tired and wanted nothing more than to get in his bed and sleep for the next 24 hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My tumblr](http://heartmadefvllmetal.tumblr.com)


	2. Restless Stupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes anger clouds all proper judgement.

Levi let out long sigh of relief as he felt the soothing warmth spread through his body and his aching muscles found some comfort after a long day. The hot water dripped down his nose, chin and arms, his hands pressed firmly against the shower wall. The scorching temperature of the water brought some feeling back to his almost frozen his toes and fingers. But to be fair, they were ice cold most of the year, no matter the season. His gaze went over the red spots that were forming on his pale skin caused by the burning heat of the water. But that was how Levi always enjoyed his showers – long, quiet and extremely hot.

With his eyes closed, his mind rummaged through all the work data and information he still needed to go through this evening. The week that just passed, or more so sprinted by when Levi thought about it, was one of the worst weeks of his life. He could not remember to have ever spent so many hours working, in or outside of the office, in merely a week. He wouldn't be surprised that if he decided to sum up all the hours he spent either in front of his laptop, with his nose in papers or discussing matters at work with Hange and others this last week that they would add up to _two_ weeks of normal time–frame.

Levi had nothing against working; he enjoyed his job though it might not seem that way at times. Especially at times when he was forced to interact with people he didn't know – all the new clients that came in with their ideas and orders but that what he had Hange for. They fitted right in, worked their magic of enthusiasm that Levi simply couldn't comprehend. But whether he understood it or not, he knew he owed them a lot. Not that he himself wasn't good at what he did; he understood right away what the client wanted, the image they had in their heads, he could it get on paper with big precision. But getting the client to tell them what they wanted, to persuade them that his company was the best bet – that was Hange's magic. That, plus making sure Levi didn't explode too often when younger employees didn't always do things on their first try. Levi was very grateful that Erwin introduced them to him and talked him into hiring them. Although it was Hange who'd done most of the 'talking into'.

Erwin. Right. Levi wasn't able to visit him at all since the last time; it was already Friday evening long past 9 p.m.. He didn't even try to squeeze in a single visit this week, it was simply undoable. He knew from the start that this new client, very high class just as much as he was very high maintenance, would consume a lot of his and his colleagues' time. Maybe a bit of overtime, Levi assumed when starting this project,  but he had never imagined this _hell_.

Hour or two before the opening of the office, before anyone else was in and many hours after everyone else has left. That was how he spent the last couple of days. Not to mention he still had work to do at home.

The thing that made it worthwhile, as presumptuous as it may sound, was the big paycheck that would come at the end, one that would give a big kick to his small company. Maybe after this he would be finally able to give some pay rises to his employees that he knew deserved it. But a question remained if they would even be able to enjoy the extra money if he worked them hallway to death.

Levi hoped that they would be able to at least _start_ finishing up the first phase of the project tomorrow and that it wouldn't take too long. He couldn't remember the last time he went that long without visiting Erwin. He felt so out of place, like something was missing, everyday, it was as if he was forgetting something. He knew completely well that Erwin was alright, that he was under a very good care, that if anything happened at all they would call him like they did so in the past. Still, he felt uneasy and restless. He didn't have too many hours to sleep because of work and the few that he managed to write into his busy schedule, he spent tossing and turning, waking every half an hour. He felt as if he was back to the state from three years ago, back to the time right after Erwin went into a coma and he…

Levi shook his head, trying very hard to push those memories away. He didn't have time to think about that right now and he shouldn't. Those times were better left forgotten, buried underneath the passage of time. He wasn't even sure he would ever have the courage to tell Erwin about it when he'd finally woken up. Levi wished he would never have to have that conversation. Though he knew deep inside that when the time came, when he got Erwin back, Erwin deserved to know. It would be one of the hardest conversations in his life and one Levi would have to start himself.

He owed Erwin too much to keep it a secret. Even though Levi knew that pushing those times away from his memory was much easier, while he right out _knew_ he could act like that phase of his life had not taken place, he also knew that he wouldn't be able to live with any sort of secret between them. That was how their relationship looked like for all those long years – they told each other everything, no exception, no excuses, none whatsoever. That was one of the things Levi missed the most – a chance to talk to Erwin, his friend and his life's pillar.

Levi could handle a lot, physically as well as mentally; he went through a lot which made his skin thick and hard. But he forgot what it felt like to have to handle things by himself. Erwin taught him, and he taught him well, what it meant to have someone to count on. True, he had to break a lot of sweat in the beginning to persuade Levi that counting on him, leaning on him when life got a bit tough did not mean he was weak, that it took even more amount of courage to ask someone for help than to try to manage on your own.

Levi did not understand any of it at first, unable to comprehend what that tall blonde monkey was talking about, but then one day, when he got in a tight money situation, when he first started his company, he finally understood. He was thinking about where to get the money, how to fix this problem and the first thing that popped into his mind was Erwin's name. He felt  the weight of the issue lift at that moment, simply _knowing_ that Erwin would help him figure something out. Also, at that very moment, Levi decided that he wanted to be the same kind of pillar and stagnation for Erwin.

After he lost Erwin, he had to start relearning how to cope with life by himself, had to recall the way he lived before he had Erwin, what it meant to go through life alone with the strength of only his own two hands. He might have more friends, mostly thanks to Erwin, but he refused to count on them. He refused to go through the withdrawal once more, the disappointment and hurt. He was better off with the walls around him, put up securely around his heart once more.

''Agh!''

Levi groaned, mad at himself that he let his thoughts wander off to weird directions when he was supposed be concentrating on work issues, figuring out what he still could do this evening by himself, trying to fit in as many things in his schedule as possible so they could finish up early tomorrow. It was Saturday after all, their usual day off. Only Levi would randomly come in on Saturdays, sort things out and prepare a plan for the forthcoming week to make it productive and efficient. Plus tomorrow would be their second working Saturday in the row as the big client chose to make his appointment on the Saturday week ago and most of the staff had to stay until very late hours.

They just had to finish early tomorrow. Levi wanted to go over to the hospital and as much as it seemed very unethical for the boss, he made his tomorrow's visit a priority in his mind.

 _''I can't come in late again. It's not like I'll be able to stay after hours once more. Right…Eren. I don't get why he would be so nice to me. I am_ **_me_ ** _in the end, I scare people off. But he just kept on grinning like a brat. Yeah, that smile on him… Hmph. Though I think I should do something for him shouldn't I? To repay him for last time…but what should I do…? Ugh! Work now. Eren, later!''_

Levi washed up quickly and got out of the shower. He got dressed in loose sweatpants, Erwin's oversized t-shirt and dragged his feet to his home office where work awaited. He didn't forget to grab a cup of a very strong coffee from kitchen on his way. It was going to be a very long night.

  


* * *

 

 

''Levi…Levi… For Christ's sake LEVI!''

 ''Huh?''

Levi looked up from the papers that were in his hands and looked at the person that was speaking to him. Hange. Right. He looked down at the papers once more but why was he holding them? What was written there? He blinked couple of times and the reality came back to him. That's right. The meeting. Work. He – the boss. The client. The project.

''Don't 'huh' me! I am talking to you! At least I am _trying_ to. Though I think today I would get a better reaction and an actual response from a wall.''

He looked up once more, trying his hardest to concentrate. It wasn't like him at all; he was never the one to be distracted. He was focused and precise. That was him on any other day than today. His mind kept drifting off to the hospital, the room Erwin was lying in; thinking how much longer it would take for them to wrap up the meeting, how long he would have to sit in this chair, agitated and annoyed, feelings which he was doing his very best to keep hidden.

And there was also Eren on his mind. He was rummaging his brain, thinking of what he could do for him to thank him for last Friday. He really didn't know what he could do for the brat, what would be an appropriate way to give thanks. Levi wasn't one too keen on apologizing and expressing gratitude, usually, he just didn't do so. But this time he felt the need to thank that stupidly grinning brat. He almost smiled to himself at the thought of the stupid expression on Eren's face.

''Ok, that is it!''

Levi assumed he lost his concentration once more because when he looked at Hange again they looked even more pissed off. He was about to speak but they wouldn't let him say a word, most possibly unwilling to receive another dumb 'huh' as an answer yet again.

''I believe I others will agree with me when I say that it would be best if you'd leave for today.''

Now, to this Levi was able to react with more than a grunt.

''What?!'' Levi just stared at Hange, wondering if he heard his assistant correct. At this moment he was back in the office, both body and mind.

''Don't jump on my case and hear me out. We all know that this is a big project for all of us, the fact that we're here on a Saturday afternoon proves it. But I can see Levi, that you're exhausted and your mind is everywhere _but_ with us.''

''Stop it Hange, right now." He looked around and felt really uncomfortable. They were undermining his authority and he felt nowhere near okay with that. "You know, I _am_ the boss here so just…''

''Exactly, you're the boss. So you should be relishing in that fact and enjoying the fruits of authority but all you've done lately is the opposite. Do tell – what time did you leave here yesterday? 8? 9?" Levi didn't say a word so they knew they were right; "Long past everyone else, as always, I presume. Boss, you're working harder than some of us put together and you know, or at least you _should_ know, that we all respect you for that.  So maybe this time you will show us the respect and trust us that we can take care of things on our own? What do you say? That way you can get to the hospital and visit Erwin sooner?'' The smug smile on Hange's face screamed satisfaction.

It was a foul move and Hange knew it perfectly well. And they weren't even trying to pretend otherwise. That was just them– confident and sneaky to get their way. He really wanted to get the hell out of there, though he had been planning on the ''grin and bear it'' tactic. But then again Hange just gave him a way out and he really appreciated it, not that he would ever say so. He sighed and shook his head in defeat. When he looked around at the people at the meeting table they all wore kind smiles.

Levi really did not know how to deal with this. He was awkward and unsociable, yet all the people in front of him trusted and respected him. He would be a fool if he wouldn't be able to admit to himself that deep inside he felt really pleased with that knowledge. But showing gratitude, that a completely other thing. All he was able to manage is a nod towards them as he said a simple 'thanks'. When he looked at Hange they seemed like their usual self – satisfied with a cheerful smile present. After few more words of what had to be done he got up and left the office.

When Levi looked at his watch while walking to his car he saw that it was little after 1 p.m.. He was contemplating whether to go home, shower and change or go straight to the hospital. It was a normal, pleasantly warm day so Levi decided against a home visit; not in need of urgent refreshments and decided to drive straight to the hospital. He usually didn't do that, it would leave him without his usual walk to relax and walk off him feelings but he wanted to get to _him_ as fast as possible.

After a short drive he'd parked near the hospital and was already walking towards the room, stress leaving him, knowing that soon enough he could find himself next to his dear friend.

Then Levi remembered the brat's face once more. He was thinking yet again what to do. How do people say thanks? What was too much? And what was too little? And why in the world was he still rummaging his brain with these thoughts? It should be easy shouldn't it? He already said 'thank you' right? Or maybe he didn't? Somehow that whole Friday evening was a blur. A shock and confusion one after another. Puzzlement of what Eren was talking about, him storming out of the room for Levi's sake before he had a chance to react, Eren waking him up in a not too subtle manner, and of course - that stupid grin.

That smile reminded him so much of Hange's grin but it was still very much different, unique. While Hange looked, well, a little insane at times if Levi had to name it in any way, Eren's smile seemed so... so, so damn _honest_. And Levi was starting to think that for the sake of that smile alone, was why he was trying to show Eren his thanks in some way. Problem remained that he had no clue how and that irritated him beyond recognition. But then again, maybe he won't see him today. It was Saturday, a week later; Eren was most probably working a different shift. Maybe Levi should ask the lady…what did Eren say was her name? Oh well. He will think about it after his visit.

He was so lost in thought that before he knew it, he was at Erwin's room's door. Levi pushed all and any lingering thoughts away and pressed the door open, walking in. This time the room was bright, lit up by the sun's rays. It wasn't so gloomy to walk in as it was in the evenings - the time of his usual visits. Though this time, besides Erwin, the room was not empty. The person earlier in question was in Erwin's room.

Erwin was lying shirtless; the sheets pulled down till his waist. Eren had his arm in one of his and a sponge in the other, a bowl of water on a stool next to the bed. When Levi walked in Eren looked up, surprise spilling onto his face. Levi closed the door behind him and didn't say a word. He knew someone had to wash Erwin; even though he just lie there, he still sweated and someone, in this case of course the nurses, had to take care of his hygiene. But no matter, it still made Levi's vein pop, seeing someone touching Erwin in such intimate way. So he just stood there and didn't say a single word.

Eren must've sensed some of his unpleasant feelings. If Levi had to guess, it was probably his harsh face expression he just _knew_ he had on at this moment. He tried really hard to ease up his look, to lift the tension in the room but Eren only sent him a very faint smile and then looked quickly away.

Levi really didn't like his first reaction to this situation. And the reality was that he wasn't mad in any way or feeling hostile towards Eren. Levi knew he was doing what he had to, and when Levi watched on, he saw how delicate Eren was with Erwin. How kindly he brushed his arms, thorough but still subtle. Levi was really happy to see Erwin being treated this way. He had a very unpleasant encounter once, with an old nurse, being anything but kind to Erwin. The hospital couldn't hear the end of it from Levi for over a week.

Unsure what to say, Levi just walked in and sat at his usual chair, waiting patiently for Eren to finish up. He simply watched, his eyes lingering on Erwin's naked torso, pain in his heart how thin he looked. Not unhealthy thin. Simply no sign of toned muscles on his body that Levi was so used to. He remembered very well the time they started to disappear bit by bit. It was a simple, a slightly conceited feature of Erwin's physique but it was an inseparable part of him, one of many Levi lost to time bit by bit.

Then his eyes wandered to Eren's hands once more. He was holding a small towel, drying Erwin's left arm, then Eren's hands traveled to his chest. This time Levi didn't feel any anger, simply calm at the knowledge that Erwin was being well taken care of. When Eren finished drying the other arm, the one near Levi, and put the towel away he finally looked up at Levi.

''Could you help me?''

He pointed at Erwin's shirt lying on his legs. Levi nodded and with Eren holding his upper body, Levi put Erwin's shirt back on. Eren silently laid him back on the pillows, making sure the shirt was pulled down and pulled the covers back up. Levi assumed that his first look of hostility when he walked in obliged him to say something. And all he could do was speak what he truly felt when watching Eren.

''Thank you," Eren looked up confused, "for taking care of Erwin so kindly. You were washing him, such a simple task, with a lot of consideration. So – thank you.''

Eren didn't know what to say, really unsure how to read the atmosphere that hung in the room. He needed a moment to gather his thoughts so he nodded and went on with his task to clean up. He left the room with a bowl of water, sponge and the towel in hands and walked into the room's bathroom. Levi wanted Erwin to have the best so he was actually paying some extra cash for this single, private room that happened to come in with a small bathroom.

When Eren emerged back into the room, hands empty, he seemed to gather his thoughts and the ability to speak once again. Somehow Levi predicted, as Eren stood on the other side of the bed, slowly gathering his things to leave, that whatever was about to leave this brat's mouth wouldn't cease to surprise him. That was how Eren's conversations with him seemed to play out so far.

''I thought you would say you were mad. That you would say that…you wouldn't like me to touch… to wash him.''

''Huh? Why would I say something like that? You are nurse aren't you? It's what you do isn't it? And to be honest, you are way more delicate with him than the one nurse I once walked in on… thinking about that incident still makes my blood boil. But never mind that. Though I was a bit surprised, and because of that I got a little…irritated that he was being touched by someone else. But what you saw was my anger at the situation that he was here, in this state…" Levi looked sadly at Erwin and took his hand in his own.

''Um, can I ask you something?''

''Yes?''

''Who is he… I mean Erwin, who is he to you? He's your brother, cousin or…? Because you don't look anything alike and I… you know, what? Never mind. It's personal, I shouldn't have.''

He turned his back to Levi and sped up getting his things. Levi was a bit surprised at the question but when he thought about it, it wasn't so out of place, especially if Eren had looked into Erwin's files then he had the right to be confused.

''No. It's ok. But why would you think I am his brother or a cousin?''

''Um, your last name?" Eren looked back at him, fidgeting with his fingers. "You have the same last name don't you? Plus, you are in the 'family' section.''

Levi had truly forgotten about that. He smirked to himself and looked straight at Eren. He waited until the kid would look him in the eyes. For once, Levi was the one that wanted to have eye contact when he spoke.

''True. It might seem that way. But the last name makes things easier, especially considering the hospital situation and all the regulations. But no, we are not related, not through blood nor the law. Erwin's my boyfriend. He's my life partner. ''

The shock, the surprise and astonishment that Levi saw slowly appear on Eren's face was not one he wasn't familiar with. But some part of him didn't think Eren would react like that, the kid seemed easy going and if Levi had to bet, he thought Eren would be open minded about this. So what happened next surprised him even more.

The shock on Eren's face didn't seem to want to stop spreading. His eyes got wider and wider. Suddenly he shook his head, closing his eyes and when he looked back he wouldn't meet Levi's eyes. When Eren spoke, it was quiet and Levi had to put a little effort in hearing it.

''Oh. Right. Well, that's another option. Anyway. Sorry, but I have to go. Have another patient to take care of so… bye. ''

Before Levi could say anything he was packed and out of the room. Levi looked at the closed door, not sure what to do. When the shock of Eren's departure left him he turned around in his chair to look back at Erwin.

''That's a surprise. I wouldn't peg that kid for a homophobe. Well, guess you cannot judge people before getting to know them. Oh, well. But it is a bit disappointing…''

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Idiot! Dumbass! Imbecile! Moron! A nitwit! A cretin and a fool! Who could be _this_ dumb? I mean – _Come_ _on_! Did the gray matter in his brain work at all? Did he even have a brain to begin with?! Ugh! This was the most obvious and logical explanation and he hadn't considered it? Right! He simply **did** - **not** - **think**! This had to be the answer because if he had the slightest, the faintest ability to think, that conclusion would have been there right from the start!

But once again he painted the reality in his mind to his preference. Allowing his mentality to create picture perfect scenery. How naïve of him. Of course Levi and Erwin were together, of course Erwin was Levi's boyfriend…no. Not boyfriend. _Life's partner._ That was how Levi called him, looking Eren straight in the eyes, challenge and readiness to fight painted in his intimidating grey eyes if Eren reacted in a negative way.

Eren knew right from the first moment he saw Levi, thet he was attracted to the man. He wasn't about to tell himself otherwise. Even though Levi wasn't his typical type, something drew him near. Maybe it was the look in those eyes. The pain and tiredness that Eren noticed Levi was going to extreme lengths to try and hide. But Eren saw it in the tiny moment of Levi's weakness when the man thought no one was looking. Eren could still recall that moment, a mere instant that Eren's attention fell to Levi.

Eren was working in the ward for little over a month. After some thought he agreed to take on the middle shift, coming into the conclusion that he didn't have anything better to do so he might as well take that shitty working time frame. He was doing his late night round, giving out meds and switching IVs. There were 5 coma rooms, two singles and three doubles and almost every bed occupied. It pained Eren to see those people, one of them almost ten years stuck in the horrible limbo. It was a very monotonous job, every shift doing the same thing over and over again, mostly it was given to the older personnel, giving a chance to easy up at the job a little, but Eren had his own circumstances for working the ''easy job''. Even though he kept telling the chief of the ward over and over again that he was perfectly capable of going back to his previous job, Hannes still simply wouldn't hear any of it.

Eren was quite mad at the beginning, feeling as if he was being treated like an invalid or a disabled person but he understood Hannes's reason. It still didn't stop him from being mad at feeling like a kid amongst his peers. Fortunately, soon enough Eren started to enjoy doing his job, to much of his own surprise. He thought he would grow more and more agitated with time, feeling the pull to the ER department but that wasn't the case at all. The reason behind it were the comatose patients. After seeing the cruel reality, the picture of how things were in real life, it made him feel the desire to do something for them, at least a little bit more than his job required him to.

And the reality was that almost no one visited them. After over a month on the ward, and almost a full week on the middle shift he still awaited someone to visit them. Until that Thursday evening when he saw Levi.

Eren just walked out of one of the rooms, the lady, Lisa, of over 60 years old with her IVs changed, and was about to walk to the last room on his list, a single at the very end of the corridor but then he saw someone walk out of it. Eren stayed at the threshold, quite astounded to see someone visiting, especially at such late hour so he waited for the guest to leave. And then Levi (of course Eren didn't know his name then) looked up after silently closing the door and leaned his back against the door. At that instant Eren saw how vulnerable he looked, exhaustion written all over his face. Even from quite far away Eren noticed the dark circles under his eyes.

Levi, still using the door for support, picked up his hand to rub between his eyes, obviously not noticing Eren there. A moment later, after letting out a long sigh, Levi started to walk towards the stairs looking straight ahead. His eyes were showing nothing whatsoever. Or maybe they were showing too much. The void in them pulled Eren right in; Eren felt that even if he wanted to, he would not be able to pull his gaze away. All of his attention on the man before him. And the fact that Eren was looking into Levi's eyes, trying to catch as many details as possible in that passing instant, and Levi didn't even blink, didn't look at him, oblivious to his presence, told Eren more than enough. What he had before him was a picture of a broken and shattered soul, a shadow of a man.

When Levi was already gone, walked around the corner and to the stairs leading to the 1st floor, Eren still stood at the foot of the door, grounded to the spot. Eren wasn't old but neither was he young, almost 27 years old but he thought he saw his share of sorrow and misery in this world. Lived through some as well. But what he saw in that man's eyes… He felt the weight of grief emanate from him; it suffocated Eren for a moment. He had to use all his strength to pull himself together and continue with his job. And his job was to walk into that last room where he knew Erwin laid. Eren felt an inner need to know their names, not last names, but the given ones. He didn't know why but he figured he wouldn't feel right with himself otherwise.

He glimpsed behind, to see if maybe the man was coming back, and after seeing an empty hallway, Eren walked on and into the room. When he got there he saw Erwin, a young, 35 year old man, lying like all the other patients – unconscious and still. After switching on the light he'd carried on with his duties. When he was changing the IV, his mind was still in the corridor, wondering who that man was to Erwin and then, his curiosity got better of him. Making sure he was done with everything, not forgetting that he was at work and Erwin's health was above anything else, he took the chart and looked at the information section. Eren skimmed through it until he saw the family section. Only one name was written there – _Levi Smith._ Was that the man he saw? Eren wondered how close of a family this Levi was that Erwin's state caused such a distraught in him.

Later on, as the weekend and another week went on. Eren saw Levi more and more. But after the first encounter Eren made sure the older man did not see him. He watched him from afar, confused at first why he was going to such lengths to see the man and not be noticed. But it didn't take him long to realize he was simply attracted to Levi. After the first shock of witnessing a vision of a broken man, he didn't see Levi in such a bad state again. Eren figured he had the ill-luck of seeing him at his worst and most vulnerable. And Eren was more than pleased to realize that Levi came almost every day, Erwin being the only patient to be visited regularly. It made Eren's cruel look at the ward a tad brighter, made his heavy heart lift at the thought. Soon enough Eren bend his evening plan to let the man take his visits in peace. But there was another small reason why Eren made sure he came into Erwin's room while Levi was out getting his drink – he was simply a chicken. He couldn't get it together to go into the room while Levi was there. He felt like a teenager again, stealing glances at his crush, hiding in the corner just to catch a glimpse of Levi's handsome face. And those eyes.

The eyes were what did it for Eren. Yes, when he first saw those slanting grey eyes they were screaming in pain but with time Eren noticed something else in them. A chance of something _more_ . He couldn't explain it himself. He saw that the man wasn't very social even without talking to him; he always wore an expressionless mask and murmured only quiet greetings when entering the ward. He wasn't tall, good 10cm smaller than Eren though his face was handsome in Eren's eyes. Everything told Eren he shouldn't be so attracted to the man, as he failed to exchange a single word with him but against all odds Eren wanted to know him. Even though he was physically attracted to Levi, Eren wasn't the one to judge him only by his looks. He yearned to _know_ more about him to let his stupid attraction to either strengthen or disappear all together.

But as stated before, Eren was a chicken, feeling intimidated by Levi with whom he didn't get closer than around 20 meters ever since the first night. If it wasn't for that Friday evening where he simply walked into Erwin's room, certain Levi went downstairs as always, he was assured he wouldn't have gathered his courage any time soon and wouldn't speak a word to Levi. It was all because of coincidence that he happened to be there.

But now he was here. In the present. Sitting on the emergency stairs, away from anyone's gaze, his knuckles clenched and his teeth gritting against each other in pure rage. Anger at his own stupidity and lack of common sense. His anger building up more as he thought back at all the signs that were there right in front of him and he missed them. He knew he was getting mad way too much and tried really hard to control it, taking in deep breaths but it simply did not want to fade. If the source of his anger was someone else, if his rage was caused by an outside force, maybe then he would've already calmed down. But this situation here – he and no one else was to blame. He couldn't accuse anyone but himself and that was what made the anger even worse.

Eren got up from the stairs and started to pace around, back and forth, from and towards the door. He was hoping walking some of it off would ease the annoyance but it didn't seem to help as much as he had hoped. He groaned loudly and stopped near the stairs and leaned his forehead against the wall, enjoying the feel of the cold surface on his skin. But the cold sensation did not do what he earned it would, he simply couldn't get a hold of himself. Suddenly, before he knew it, he found an outlet for his fury.

Before he realized what was happening, his hand was already heading towards the solid surface and his knuckles made contact with it and his ears heard a hollow thud. He put his whole strength into that hit and seconds later his brain started to register the thudding pain. The ache came with a slight delay as the adrenaline from raging wrath was still flowing intensively. Eren, with his head still against the wall, felt tiny bits of plaster fall and land in his hair. When he backed away, his right hand still tightly in a fist and pulsing in pain he saw a slight dent in the wall. He was glad that his hospital was quite old and had more solid walls; if it was another case his hand might've made an actual hole. And he _really_ did not want to have to explain himself why he was punching walls with his bare hands. Especially not now.

Eren regretfully felt that the blow helped him calm down. He looked and opened his hand. He squinted when he looked at his knuckles. They were red, a little scraped up from the friction against the wall but when he moved his fingers he felt he didn't break any bones. Then a thought came to him and he grimaced instantly.

_'Ugh I guess this means a visit at Mikasa's place this weekend. Ugh…she's not going to like this one bit…I'm not gonna hear the end of it. I think I'd rather go back to that room and face Levi again… Right. Levi.'_

Eren sat back down, putting his head in his palms, trying to ignore the growing pain in his right hand.

 _'What should I do? I mean it's a bit of a crush, I know that but I am so disappointed! Why do I have to put my attention on someone out of reach again! Come on! Why did he have to be taken! I mean he's really handsome, a little unapproachable but… but if it was a normal boyfriend thing then…no! Not even then! I wouldn't have been able to do something like that to someone. It hurts too much, doesn't it Yeager? But_ ** _this?_** _How can I compete with_ ** _that_** _even if I wanted to?_ _Don't fool yourself Eren. You cannot and you know it. No. I_ ** _shouldn't!_** _Levi is going through something like this and both of them don't deserve anyone undermining their relationship. But I am so curious about Levi! Maybe I should still try to know him? As a friend…? But wait a sec…'_

After calming down, Eren's state of mind was back to semi normal, and he suddenly realized how his departure looked. His storming off seemed as if… then it hit him! He was even more moronic than he first thought! Eren walked out of that fucking room like he was on fire as if _that_ was his reaction to Levi stating that he and Erwin were in a relationship, to him declaring that he was simply _gay._ Eren looked up and gave himself an instance slam on the forehead. To his discomfort he did it with his right hand and it throbbed with even more pain. He guessed he deserved that and stood up, eager to come back to that room and explain himself. You could say many things but Eren was no homophobe.

He walked out of the staircase and was about to head back to the room when he heard his name being called.

''Yeager!''

Eren cringed a little when he recognized the voice and the tone his name, his _last_ name to that, was spoken in and it could not mean anything good for him. He plastered an innocent face, as innocent as he could manage and turned around to face his doom. That is the chief of the ward, Hannes.

''Yes, Mr. Hannes?'' He walked towards him, where he stood, leaning on the counter behind which Mrs. Gray was sitting. She looked at Eren and right away he knew he was in deep shit. The look of sorry on her face told him that all too well.

''Don't 'Mr. Hannes' me, Eren.''

Uff, they were back to first name. Maybe he would survive this one. Or maybe not. Eren looked at Hannes' face and saw he was quite mad. That was never a good sign. Hannes rarely got mad in general.

''I know your case is a bit different from the other employees but I think this is going too far. Regulations are regulations. As much as you young kids don't like rules they exist and it's not for you to break them.'' Hannes fumed as he crossed his arms in front of his chest tightly.

At first Eren was lost what he could've done this time but now he knew all too well what his crime was. And if it meant that Hannes found out he might be in deeper shit than he thought. This day was just getting better and better.

 

* * *

 

Levi sat in his chair, lost in thought, still contemplating on that stupid brat's departure. Every time he tried to make his mind take on a different stroll his thoughts still came back to Eren. Levi was indeed mad, as much as anyone would be after seeing an obvious hostile attitude towards their persona, but Levi's feelings of surprise were stronger. He simply couldn't get it why Eren would react that way. He might not know the young man but from what he saw in their short encounters, all that he noticed was a bright and smiling personality. Obviously not one that would react so unfriendly to him coming out that he was gay. He really thought he was a better judge of character. He felt quite disappointed to be so wrong.

And then Levi's mind took on a different tour. He thought of something that made him sick with worry. What if Eren, after finding out Levi's relationship to him, started to treat Erwin in a hostile way? What if his stupid tendency to pick a fight would lead to Erwin's suffering, no matter how small it was? And Levi knew deep inside that when he told Eren, while looking straight into his green eyes, that he was Erwin's boyfriend, some part of him nudged on to fight. He thought he was passed that stupid tendency.

But what was done was done and now he had to fix it. Levi felt he just had to talk to Eren again, make sure that the nurse wouldn't take out his anger towards Levi on Erwin. And if the kid wouldn't be able to see past his homophobic ways, Levi had to make sure someone else took care of him. He wasn't about to leave Erwin's health to chance. Even if Levi's thinking was stupid and irrational he had to make sure.

He got up right away, leaving his things in the room and walked out. He was planning to look for Eren, maybe ask Mrs. Gray where he could find him but he needn't seek. He saw Eren right away. He was standing in front of some tall, very tall for Levi's standards, short haired blond man. He was wearing a lab coat so Levi figured he was a doctor. Then Levi noticed how Eren stood there, his head hanging low, his shoulders hunched and Levi had the irresistible impression that Eren was trying to shrink where he stood, make his presence noticeable as least as possible. The brat was in trouble, there was no doubt about it.

The evil and cruel side of Levi caused a smirk to form on his face and walk up to the two men. He wanted to hear what the brat did to get himself in trouble, he wanted to bask in the pleasure of it. But as Levi got closer and heard the tall blonde he stopped dead in his tracks. Right away guilt hit him, his cruel intentions coming back and kicking him dead on right where it hurt.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Eren, I know that you might feel like you have some privileges but you better stop that kind of thinking right now. There are some boundaries that everyone has to follow and you're no exception Yeager. What you did…''

Thankfully Mrs. Gray, after that one look of pity, walked off somewhere, probably thinking that the last thing Eren needed was to be scolded in front of someone. He would have to show his thanks to her in some way later.

No matter, Eren was scared to stop Hannes' rant but felt he needed to explain himself. If anything, being privileged was the last thing he thought of. This kind of attitude and thinking was exactly what Eren wanted everyone to stop. He was tired of explaining over and over again that he was to be treated like everyone else but they just wouldn't listen. And now Hannes was stating that Eren thought he was above rules? This couldn't be.

"No! That is not the case I swear! I know what I did was wrong but it wasn't because I thought I was _allowed_ to or something I just…"

Eren looked down and put his hand on the back of his neck, unsure what he really wanted to say. He couldn't exactly say he was trying to impress a man he was attracted to now could he?

''Eren!''

He got really scared of a sudden scream. He looked up and saw a look of shock on Hannes' face. Now he was simply _confused_. Then he saw that Hannes was looking at his right hand, the one he held on the back of his neck. Hannes must've noticed Eren's scraped knuckles. Eren cringed again, aware too much of what was to come. Like work related scolding wasn't enough.

''Seriously? You didn't…Ugh." Hannes took a long and deep sigh. "No. I can't deal with this right now. Now, we're at work. The other issue has to wait. But you know that Mikasa's not going to be pleased?" Eren was only able to nod, all too much aware of Mikasa's possible reactions. " I'd almost feel sorry for you. _Almost_. But I am still your boss and what you did… What came over you? You know letting people stay after hours is against regulations. I'd never expect you to do something like that. I am not sure what I should do with this to be honest. Who was that man anyway…''

''That would be me, sir.''

Eren looked up, surprised to see Levi walking towards them. He couldn't read Levi's emotions at all. The first thing that came into Eren's mind was that Levi came here to file some kind of a complaint against Eren. That he was going to sink even deeper and deeper in despair and trouble. He certainly wasn't expecting _those_ words to come out of Levi's mouth next.

''I am deeply sorry sir but that night I was the one that stayed after visiting hours. I asked Eren to let me do so. You see sir, I have my family here, Erwin Smith, the room at the end of this corridor. To my deep regret he's comatose and I do everything I can to visit him on regular basis but you know how life and work is. Sometimes it's not possible to fit everything in the small amount of 24 hours. That night I came over, by some miracle too that I managed, but it was quite late. So when Eren came into the room to do his job, I convinced him to let me stay a little longer. But I assure you it was no easy task.''

Eren was grounded to the floor with shock. Levi spoke in such an eloquent and calm way. Eren felt he himself was being swayed with what Levi was saying. And he knew it was one big bullshit so it said something. When Eren looked at Hannes he saw that his boss was opening and closing his mouth, wanting to cut in but unable to stop the flow of words coming from Levi.  

''He kept telling me that he cannot let me do so, that your hospital was strict on regulation and I had to put a lot of effort to finally convince him. He also offered to walk me out to make sure that I didn't cause any trouble whatsoever. So please, be ease on him. I had no idea that Eren would get into so much trouble because of me. And if I might add to his defense, he takes great care of Erwin. I have never seen someone so kind towards his patients. I'd hate to see Erwin lose such a great nurse.''

Eren almost gagged from the amount of bullshit in this conversation but for his own sake and the sake of his job he kept his mouth shut and watched Hannes with great intensity. He saw that Hannes wasn't sure what to say but after a moment and slight shaking of his head he seemed to have found his tongue again.

''I am pleased to hear Mr….?'' Hannes asked, stumbling slightly over his words.

''It's Levi. My bad for the lack of manners.'' Levi said in a the same pleasant voice as he extended is hand towards Hannes. Hannes blinked stupidly but accepted the handshake that was quick but very firm.

''I am pleased to hear that you're happy about the care of your family member, Mr. Levi. But still what Eren did… " Hannes looked at Eren who had his eyes simply glued to Levi. Hannes's face broke in a grin for only an instant but then he shook his head to wipe it off his face. "Eren, you know I have to give you some kind of punishment for what you did right? No matter what Mr. Levi here is saying. Though in these circumstances it will be a lot lighter than what I was planning at first to be honest.''

Eren looked away from Levi and back at Hannes, though it was a really hard thing to do. When he looked Hannes in the eyes he felt his soul lift. His boss wasn't mad anymore. On contrary, he was amused for some reason. But a faint look of disappointment lingered.

''I know. I really am sorry for this.'' And Eren couldn't be more honest. He was an adult, was aware of his actions when he offer Levi to extend his stay but it still pained his deeply to disappoint Hannes. Eren had no excuses for his mistakes other then his own selfishness.

"I know. I can see. I don't have time right now but come to my office later during my break and I'll think of a way you can pay me and the hospital back for your lack of subordination. Now, I have to carry on. So Yeager, get back to work and I'll see you around 5 p.m. See you Mr. Levi.''

Without another word he walked away. Eren looked at Levi to see him staring at his face.

''Um…Thank you… I am sorry that you had to lie for my sake…Even though it was my own stupidity that got me in trouble…''

''No. You don't have to thank me. You got in trouble because of me so that was the least I could do.''

Eren was about to speak about the earlier incident but Levi spoke first.

''Plus, I was actually looking for you. I wanted to talk to you about…about what I told you in Erwin's room. I saw that you might not feel comfortable with _how_ I am, but I'd like to ask and make sure that you knowing I am gay, and well as is Erwin of course, won't change your attitude towards your care for him. Because if you would begin, in any way, start to act hostile towards him…''

What was Eren hearing?! He couldn't believe what Levi was saying! He was actually scared that Eren would do something to his patient just because Levi though Eren didn't like gays?! Now he was getting plainly mad.

''Stop it! I would never ever do something like that! I never let my personal feeling interfere with my work, Levi! A patient's well being is my top priority and that was always my number one rule! So please stop that train of thoughts. Do not offend me and think so little of me. Plus your conclusion about my attitude towards your…''

Levi cut in. His face cold and emotionless.

"Very well then. I am really relieved to hear that. Especially what I said to your boss was true. I mean the part about you taking really good care of Erwin''

For that instant, a mere moment Eren's eyes almost missed, Levi's eyes and expression eased but seconds later he was back to wearing a mask.

''Anyway, I hope you don't get into too much trouble. Bye.''

Levi turned around to walk away. And Eren understood his cold attitude. Levi basically thought Eren was a homophobe or at least wasn't too keen on the fact that Levi was gay. Eren knew he had to explain that was not the case, that Levi had it all wrong.

Before he knew it, his hand acted on its own; he grabbed Levi's arm and turned him around. When Levi looked at Eren, shock was written on his face and then he looked down at his arm. Eren let go in an instant. He knew he had to speak quickly.

''No! This isn't what you may think!" Levi raised his eyebrows but did not move, waiting for Eren to continue. "I know I walked out of that room, no stormed out more like it…And it might look like I have something against you being a homosexual but it's not! I swear! Let me explain myself! I really wouldn't be able to have anything against you being gay as…''

Then Levi's phone rang.

Levi, paying no mind to Eren's energetic speech, took it out of his pocket and clicked the green button. Eren just stood there as Levi did not move away to conduct his conversation. Or at least that's what Eren though it would be but after few ''yes's'' and ''no's'' Levi hung up.

''Sorry Eren but whatever you wanted to excuse yourself with, I don't have time. It turns out I have to go back to work. ''

Eren wasn't about to give up so easily.

"Please. Let me explain myself. I really, _really_ don't want you to misunderstand. Please.''

''Oh, alright. But some other time. Now I have to go.''

''How about coffee?!''

Eren hadn't slightest idea what came over him and what kind of impulse made him say this, but despite of Levi shocked face he carried on.

''Um, I mean we could talk this over coffee or a drink or something? I finish work a bit earlier today, around 8 p.m. but... What do you say Levi? I really want to talk about this huge misunderstanding calmly?''

Eren just stood there, swallowing hard, anticipation killing him as he waited for Levi to speak. When he finally opened his mouth to speak, Eren swore he felt drops of sweat form on his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My tumblr](http://heartmadefvllmetal.tumblr.com/)


	3. This is ridiculous!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got only two notes here so I'll be brief :)  
> 1 - This one was not read by my beta-reader because she got a little sick (get well soon bby! <3 ) so please be understading of any mistakes, I re-read it like 3times to make sure but it's different when you read something you wrote yourself, you just don't see them :)  
> 2 - Here's my tumblr if anyone's intrested, it has lots of snk goodies you might enjoy :)  
> darkshadekristen.tumblr.com (yes it's the same as my username here :p )
> 
> And now on to the chapter, hope you like it ^__^

Levi stood there, staring at the green eyed brat unsure if he heard him correctly. Was it Levi's imagination or did Eren just ask him out? It couldn't be, reason quite simple - Eren's hostile attitude towards gays. Or at least that's how Levi thought it was at the beginning. 

Now he wasn't all too sure. He got really confused, the whole situation was irritating him more with every minute that he couldn't understand what was going on. His earlier anger at the thought that Eren was a homophobe lingered. Then Eren continued his mumbling.

''Um, I mean we could talk this over coffee or a drink or something? I finish work a bit earlier today, around 8p.m. but... What do you say Levi? I really want to talk about this huge misunderstanding calmly?''

Misunderstanding he says. Maybe it really was a big misunderstanding and Levi was getting ahead of himself, as always, assuming the worst about people. The problem was, that attitude came to him naturally. Erwin told him, on multiple occasions, that it was understandable for Levi to act this way after growing up in the environment he did. Erwin tried, with much determination, to teach Levi that there was nothing wrong in putting at least a little faith in people. And the brat genuinely seemed eager to explain himself, his eyes honest, not a single sign that he might be lying and playing with Levi's mind.

But Levi was tired after the hectic week and a half at work and also quite irritated that had to go back too, even though Hange assured him that they could manage on their own. He really,  _really_  did not feel like continuing this stupid conversation and wanted to leave, go to work, get whatever they wanted from him over with. Levi longed to go home and sleep his way through the rest of the weekend.

He was about to say so to Eren, that he had no intention of hearing his explanations, that he did not feel like going out anywhere after work in the least. All Levi was planning to say was that if they were clear that Eren's attitude towards Erwin would not change then that was all Levi needed to know but then Levi made the mistake of looking into Eren's eyes. This freaking brat somehow made it impossible  _not_  to look him straight into those emerald orbs. It didn't matter that Levi didn't really like this gesture. Levi found himself looking into them and what was it that he was seeing? Was it just him or was Eren making puppy eyes? His eyes big and pleading, so honest in their excitement for Levi to say yes. This freaking 20something-year-old adult was making a face an elementary kid should not be allowed to make! And the bigger issue was that it was  _not_ supposed to work on Levi. Levi gulped hard and did his very hardest to hold back a laugh. And the next thing he knew, the words were coming out of his mouth.

"Sure. Why not. But now I really have to go, Eren. Work emergency."

The smile Levi received in response to his agreement could light up the entire corridor. How can someone be  _this_  cheerful? Levi had to get away from that blinding smile; he swore his eyes were starting to hurt from the beam. So, with a simple nod, he walked away from Eren and towards the stairs.

When he was finally away from the young man and other people, safely alone and walking down the stairs, a small grin broke through. An actual  _smile_.

When was the last time that he'd actually smiled? It was so long ago that he couldn't recall it whatsoever. Levi groaned in frustration that this brat was messing up his pace and pushed the smile away with sheer force. 

Work. He had to get to work. Stupid green eyed beasts are to be left as evening problems.

Still, his mind wandered off to what was it that Eren had to tell him, what was there to explain more than he already said. Eren claimed he had nothing against him and Erwin so that should be it, should it not? Or maybe Eren thought that Levi didn't believe him and was just nodding in agreement to brush him off. Not too far from the truth if Levi had to be honest. In Levi's mind, the first reaction you get from a person is the most honest one, the ones that came later are calculated and thought through and too often not sincere. Yet, Levi agreed to meet Eren and all that was left for him to do was get to work, get whatever needed to be done, maybe find some time to go home and change and then come back here around 8p.m. It was an impulse to agree but he wasn't about to back out on his word. Hopefully, Eren's explanation would be brief.

 

* * *

 

When Levi got to work about 20minutes later, his car parked near the entrance, not in his usual parking space since he hoped this would be brief, his mood was even worse. His freaking car wouldn't start for about five minutes no matter how hard he tried. He was on a brink of screaming in frustration when the stupid piece of metal finally started up. Throughout the whole way to work he was praying it wouldn't break down suddenly. His car was quite new; he bought it from the dealers little over 3 years ago, brand new. It never gave him problems, only minor adjustments that all the cars had to go through, but this? This was beyond! The universe chose the perfect day to make it today that his car would decide it wanted to call for his owner's attention. And in all honesty, Levi knew shit about cars. It was always Erwin who took care of those things. Levi's knowledge when it came to cars ended with changing the gears, oil and tires and driving of course. If it wasn't for Hanji putting it in his calendar he wouldn't even know something like annual check-ups existed.

When Levi got out of the car and slammed the door behind, not very gently in the least, he was almost pleading in his mind that this was a one-time thing and when he got back to the car, it would start nice and easy as always. This certainly wasn't the time he could afford to have his car break down, especially when getting it fixed would mean trips to auto repair with Hange. Why? As said before – he knew next to nothing about cars and he wasn't about to go to a mechanic and have him talk about something Levi knew rat's ass about. Levi tried that once and the mechanic almost ripped him off with twice the amount of charge for a simple fix.

Before he entered his office, several deep breaths and a short trip up the stairs to the 3rd floor that he took instead of using the elevator which calmed him down a little. Levi barely managed to make two steps into the room of his small company when he was bombarded with people. They started talking to him all at once, going into his personal space, swarming all around him. When Levi looked around, he saw right away they were in some kind of trouble. Petra, his art director, was on a brink of tears. Levi was bout to yell for all of them to shut up and stop acting like a bunch of elementary kids but Hange silenced them first with a single, firm ''Stop''.

''Hange, for the love of god, would you tell me what the hell is going on here? When I was leaving you said that you were fine on your own, that I wasn't needed and to be honest, I swear I thought I've done all I had to do last night at home. So this better be good. ''

''The client is here.'' They simply said. Levi, who walked up to them and into the heart of the office, stood there unsure if he heard correctly.

''He said that his boss changed his mind. About their color preferences, that is. We concentrated on blue but they think that green would be better, that it's 'new black'. And don't look at me like that Levi. I know what you're thinking and I know what this means to all the work we've done so far. 80percent goes down the drain. And I wouldn't be calling you for that. I would rather give you the bad news tomorrow but there's a 'but'. The VP of their company came in about hour ago and gave us the good news but no matter how I tried to explain to him that you were unavailable he said he wanted to talk to you for some reason. I'm sorry you had to come over but this client…''

''Stop. You don't have to tell me how much this client means. It's not your fault, so there's nothing to be sorry about. But you – Levi turned his head and looked at the few employees that came in on Saturday – This doesn't give you right to panic like a bunch of sissies. Get it together. Start brainstorming and actually doing your job. When I come out of the room I expect you to have at least a vague idea how to work with what we already have done and use it with their new request.''

He gave them one last look and in an instant they were gone. He sighed for a thousand time today and looked back at Hange.

''Can you please get my car into our parking lot. I thought this would be brief and left it near the building. Oh, and if it doesn't start just call someone to throw it in the junkyard or something. I do not have time for broken down cars right now.''

Without another word he passed Hange, handing over keys on the way. They looked a little confused but smiled when Levi gave them an annoyed look.

When Levi got into his office, there was a man sitting on a couch that was on the left side of his desk. There was a small coffee table in front of the couch and another single seat visa-vi. Levi walked up to dark haired man invading his office like he owned it and extended his hand in a courteous gesture as the guest stood up. He was taller than Levi, much taller, around 180cm tall if Levi had to guess. He was wearing an expensive looking suit, no tie, and dark blue button up underneath. He had a mustache and a goatee to go with it, both neatly groomed to perfection. He was screaming money and it was expected if he was the VP of the firm Levi was working with. Or at least he still hoped he was.

''Good afternoon sir. My name is Levi Smith. What can I do for you that my other employees failed to do?''

Levi knew he could've cut that last sentence short but it simply wasn't his day. He was hoping with all his might that his shitty personality wouldn't cost him and his team this project. Hange said the man standing before him wanted to speak to Levi directly so there was no doubt that he wanted to do so alone. Levi couldn't bring Hange along to be his mood chaperone. He just had to grin and bear it. The man finally spoke, but not after eyeing Levi up and down in quite a subtle manner, but Levi still noticed that evaluation of his persona had taken place.

''It's good to finally meet you, Mr. Smith. I am really sorry to have called you in on your obvious day off but I really had no other choice.''

Levi cringed a little at hearing the title and the first thing he had to do was change this little detail.

''Please, Levi is enough Mr.…?

''Oh, right. How rude of me. Nile Dok. But please, also call me Nile. I'll try to get to the heart of my visit and why I am here as briefly as possible.''

Without being asked he sat back down and Levi followed his actions. The man was acting like he was in his own office and it was making Levi feel quite agitated, but he chose to let it go and get this stupid meeting over with as fast as possible.

''If you may recall the man that came here before me with my company's offer over a week ago? Well, he isn't our employee anymore and so I will be handling this project from now on as my boss wants this line to have a bigger meaning than we first anticipated so…''

And so Levi listened and listened how _not_ briefly he explained how his company wanted to make this product their top priority the next year. This meant they wanted more detailed work, additional ways to promote it, which meant additional side projects for Levi but also overtime for his subordinates. He hated to do that. He had nothing against working overtime himself but he didn't like to see them stay up all night with their noses in computers and stacks of papers. They had their life outside of work. Levi not so much. But they all knew what this project meant.

And that was the reason Levi sat there quietly and listened to the dark haired man, joined in the discussion when the conversation went towards the sudden changes. Soon enough they left the office and joined other workers so Nile could look over what they had done and what they were doing at the moment. Time flew by and Levi got more and more restless. The problem was that the VP didn't seem to understand what personal space meant. Levi knew there were people that were all touchy feely but this got even more annoying with time. He was about to say something to him when they were looking at Petra's project, which Levi had to proudly admit was done almost in perfection despite little time she had to make the changes, and Nile leaned over him from behind, being the taller one; Levi was close to blowing his fuse.

Thank the lords for Hange. They were the one that always could read him like an open book. He was seconds from telling the man, in his very  _Levi-polite_  way, that he didn't enjoy people hovering over him when they stepped in and offered Nile a drink. When he reluctantly went with her and Levi finally had room to breathe he looked at the clock. He was in deep shit!

It was almost 8p.m.! Not only did that VP took up all his time, he also did not have time to go home and freshen up at all and if he didn't think of something soon enough he would stand up Eren as well. He felt nowhere near good with that possibility. He looked at Nile who was talking with Hange as they poured him something to drink and Levi glanced at the clock once more. Couldn't they move it faster?! He had somewhere to be for fuck's sake! Levi felt really frantic, kept going from one foot to the other.

''Um, do you have somewhere to be Levi?''

He totally forgot he was still standing near Petra's desk and it seemed she was watching him wriggle where he stood.

''Actually I do. And this… " He held back the comments about their client as he approached them with Hange. "Seems to want to keep us here till tomorrow.''

Petra only gave him an apologetic look, not sure what to say. And Levi knew why. She was the last person to bad mouth anyone. Levi only gave her a reassuring nod, and after plastering a look of patience on his face he awaited the two to come up to him. He didn't even give a chance Nile to speak and went straight to the point.

''I hope that you find what you see here reassuring that your project is in the best hands. But now, you have to excuse me as I have another meeting that I have to attend to, to which I am already late. Pleasure meeting you.''

After a quick handshake and not a single word more, Levi walked, almost stormed out, getting his bag on the way. He was about to go back to get his keys from Hange but as always they were one step ahead because Levi found them inside his outside bag pocket. He really needed to give that them a raise.

Praise the lord or whoever up there when his car started up immediately. He thought it was some miracle but then he found a piece of paper on the dashboard, stuck near the radio. He only smiled. Raise for Hange it was.

_Levi, I fixed up your car. It's something simple, I won't even try to tell you what as you won't understand either way :p But I advise you to have it checked out, my fix is only temporary.  
PS – You owe me a new blouse as I got this one dirty hovering over your engine. <wink wink>_

When Levi got to the hospital it was almost half past 8. He was walking to the entrance and surely he saw Eren standing near it, walking back and forth, glancing at the wristwatch ever so often. Levi assumed the brat would be gone by now. And Levi was almost right. Eren glanced at his watch one more time and messed up his hair in frustration. Even from so far away Levi heard his groan. Then he started to walk away in the same direction the evening he ''escorted'' Levi out.

"Eren!"

When Eren turned around and saw Levi that smile was back.

''I am sorry for being late. I got held up at work.''

Eren awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, looking down.

''Don't be. I was stupid to ask you for this after a long work day. Um, though I thought that…''

''That I wouldn't come?''

''Well yeah. And I wouldn't blame you after my ambiguous behavior.''

''Well, you're honest. I'll give you that. So, where are we going? Where do you wanna talk?''

And just like on cue Levi thought he'd sink into the ground out of embarrassment. The moment of silence between them was the instant his empty stomach decided to growl. When he looked away from his stomach and back at Eren he knew what was coming, because he saw it once when the brat was holding back his laugh. And sure enough, seconds later the green-eyed man was laughing beautifully. Levi sighed as he let him get it out of his system. Again, Levi was nowhere near annoyed at the younger man for laughing at him. He was actually moments away from laughing at himself as well. But Eren got it together and stopped.

''Oh my god, I am sorry but…'' He didn't finish.

''Oh, shut it already. Like I don't feel stupid enough without you laughing at me.''

''Ok. Well, this actually helps. Come on. I know a perfect place where we can tame that beast.'' He gestured with his chin to Levi's stomach with a cheeky smile.

Levi had no chance to react as Eren was already walking away. They walked in comfortable silence, but it seemed the kid didn't know how to keep his mouth shut for more than a minute at a time.

''Also, there's another way for you to react, you know? To this embarrassing situation, I mean. You could've just laughed with me.''

Levi only huffed at the suggestion. Soon, they were sitting opposite of each other, in some small 24/7 diner. Pretty cozy and warm. They were waiting for their orders and the silence started to become of the uncomfortable kind, especially seeing that Eren kept on fidgeting in his seat, playing with his utensils, taking small sips of water every damn 10 seconds or so. Levi was starting to wonder if maybe he had some kind of ADHD syndrome.

''Would you freaking stop?!''

Eren jumped in his seat and looked at Levi, which he didn't do so ever since they sat down.

''I am not going to beat you or kill you for fucks sake. You're acting as if you're about to face a trial. Am I really that scary?''

''Um… Am I to be honest or nice?''

A small grin was breaking through and the fidgeting stopped. The brat was getting relaxed again. Good.

''You cheeky brat. Have some respect for your elders!'' But Levi was nowhere near mad. He was amused and felt the stress of the day lift off.

''Oh, come on. You cannot be that much older than me! What are you? 37? 8?''

Levi jaw dropped. Did he really look that old? And then he saw Eren smirk again and Levi squinted his eyes in anger.

''Ok. That's it! I am going!''

Levi made a gesture to get up but Eren grabbed his wrist and kept him down.

''Ok. Ok. I am sorry, I was kidding. I swear. I am sorry.''

It was Levi's turn to mess with brat's mind as he gave him a sleazy look.

''You ass!'' Was Eren's reaction as Levi sat back down, with triumph on his face.

''Two can play that game. Anyway. For your information, I am 32. What about you? 15?''

The brat actually stuck his tongue out at him!

''No. I am 27. I wouldn't be a nurse otherwise.''

''True.''

Then their food got there, ending their conversation. Now that Levi felt the mouthwatering smell of the cooking he realized how famished he was. He disliked eating out, not to keen of not knowing where his food came from but right now he was starving. To his big delight the brat was correct in stating that this place was good. The food was delicious! It had a homey taste or at least that's how Levi imagined a home made meal would taste. When he got through the first attack on his food he slowed down and made a point to enjoy it. Eren seemed to notice that Levi got his first portion of food down, one that was mean to shut up his growling stomach and nudged into small conversation.

Levi was getting quite comfortable in his seat, the diner quiet because of the later hour, the temperature inside just right, his stomach comfortably full and a warm tea held in his two hands. The nights were starting to become uncomfortably chilly, it didn’t feel like it was still summer so the warm liquid was just perfect after a long day. Levi was starting to forget why he was even here to begin with. He simply let Eren chatter away, randomly cutting in with his own conversation. It was a really long time he simply talked. He was getting so comfy he actually felt his eyelids close down. When he realized so he shook his head to keep the sleep away.

''Oh, I am sorry Eren. It was a really long day. But can I ask you to get the bottom of why we're actually here? I got a little comfy after the meal and…''

''Oh, shit. No, it's my fault! I am sorry. I just tend to do this. I mean, talk a lot when… when I am nervous. I forgot that you have a long day behind you. I bet you'd rather go home than to have to entertain whims of some brat.''

''I am indeed tired but please, could you get it out already? In what way did I misunderstand your reaction in Erwin's room?''

Levi's whole attention was on Eren now. After this little small talk, Levi was somewhat hoping that whatever Eren had to tell him, the excuse or explanation, would be logical and rational, something that Levi could accept and he wouldn’t have to treat him in a cold manner from now on.

''Um, well starting from the beginning. I... the reason I stormed out of that room when you said that you were Erwin's partner was not in any way because I dislike gays or am a homophobe. None whatsoever. It just it never crossed my mind that you two were connected in that way and it surprised me. '' So far Levi was not hearing anything new. He wasn't convinced in the least. All Eren could be doing right now was being polite. But he didn't interrupt. ''And there's a very simple and logical explanation why I would never have it against you that you're gay.''

_''Really_?'' Levi's voice deep in sarcasm. Now that they got to the main reason of their meeting, when Levi thought about the possibility of Eren being a homophobe, his anger came back, strong as ever.

''Really Levi. And that's simply because I am gay as well.''

Huh? Levi actually felt his jaw drop a little. This was anything but what he expected to hear. He looked at Eren with a dumb look on his face, unsure if he heard correctly. Eren's nervous chuckle brought him back from his dumbfounded state.

''Are you serious?'' Was all that managed to come out of Levi's mouth.

''Dead serious. I mean I'm  _pretty_ sure I am gay; and been sure of it for over last 10 years if I may add.''

''But this…Huh? How?''

''Um, really Levi? I think you being gay yourself you should know how it works right? Someday you start to realize things, your eyes wander off towards naked men instead of women, you feel that…''

''Don't be smart with me! You know I am not talking about that!" Eren forced the smile off his face but Levi wasn't blind to the fact that it still lingered. "I am talking about this whole situation. Ok. Stop for a second and let me get it together in my head." Eren nodded "So you're gay.''

''Yeah, as I…''

''Shut it for now. But then why did you storm off like that?''

''I told you, I was shocked that you and Erwin were…''

"Alright. Another thing. If you didn't know Erwin was my boyfriend, so why did you look like a startled dog when I came into the room when you were washing him?''

''Huh? Why are you…?" Eren looked at Levi and decided it was best to simply answer his questions. "Oh, that is kind of twisted too. I thought at that moment that you were his brother or cousin or something. Well,  _family._  And I was dead on sure that you knew that  ** _I_** was gay and you simply didn't want some homo touching your family.''

''Why would I think  _you_  were gay for god's sake?'' Levi was getting more and more confused with each minute and this conversation was supposed to explain things out, not mess them up even more!

''Um I dunno?" Levi heard sarcasm in Eren's voice. "I am a  _male_  nurse? Most people already assume as much simply by my choice of career? Though in my case they are right but never mind that. I just assumed that…''

''You assumed  _I_  assumed? God, I think I am getting a headache. So why  _did_  you leave that room?''

Now Eren looked away, his cheeks burning bright red. He was embarrassed; it was written all over his face, even tips of his ears were in a slight shade of pink.

''Um. It's kind of stupid actually. Well, when you said he was your partner, I thought that you saw me touching him. It was my job to wash him, true, but I suddenly felt really embarrassed. I don't even know why myself. It was like I was caught by a wife washing her husband or something." Levi widened his eyes "Not that you're a wife and…AGH! This is stupid. Please, say you understand. You're gay too, right?! Think about washing someone else's boyfriend…''

Levi put his forehead with a groan on the cold table while closing his eyes.

''Levi?" Eren lowered his head to look at Levi's face. Levi opened one eye, tilted his head to the side and looked into Eren's emerald orbs.

"I'm here. This whole thing is ridiculous you know that?'' Levi mumbled, his cheeks squished on the cold surface.

''Yeah.'' Eren agreed with a quiet tone.

Levi sat up and looked Eren straight in the eyes with such force that Eren sat up in an instant.

''I talk, you nod. Got it?''

Eren nodded.

''So let me get it together. You  _thought_ that I  _assumed_  you were gay so I wouldn't like you to touch Erwin, right? That's why you freaked out when I came into the room?" Eren nodded. "But in truth, I was just angry that Erwin was in  _need_  to be washed by someone." Another nod. "I thought  _you_  were homophobic because you ran out of the room?" Nod. "When in reality you ran out  _uncomfortable_  to be seen touching my boyfriend? Simply embarrassed and shocked? " A nod again. "And this whole misunderstanding is just fucked up, right?" And that earned Levi one last and tired nod.

''That sum's it about right.''

''And you couldn't say right from the start 'Hey Levi, I am gay too so we're all good?' ''

''Um… Didn't think of that one.''

'' _Of course,_  you didn't and I had to wonder the whole day about whether I would have to be forced to treat you like an ass or not because of it.''

Ok, that one just slipped out of Levi. He had nowhere in mind to tell Eren that. Eren was shocked and it showed on his face. Levi must more be tired than he thought if he let that slip by. He had to cover it up fast. But Eren was faster.

''You really can't stand people who don't like gays? Even the not hostile ones?''

''Let's say you live and learn.''

''Oh, I think I know that one. Uff. I actually feel much lighter after getting it all out in the open. But one question still remains…'' Eren started to fidget in his seat again.

''What is it?''


	4. Cruel realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right of the start I want to say sorry for the delay with the new chapter, but my internet was down and had no way to post it. But there's a plus in this situation - this chapter is quite longer than usually so I hope that will make up for the wait :))

_He's not gonna come. What was I even thinking? This is stupid Yeager. You should've gone home half an hour ago._

Eren groaned as he looked at his watch once again. 8:32. exactly two minutes since he checked it last. How desperate how can a person get? Especially after he already told himself there was no chance for him, that he shouldn't even be trying to get Levi's attention nor even thinking about it. Wasn't that what he decided? That this whole situation with Levi and Erwin, Erwin being in this awful and unpredictable state, was too complicated? Even if he was getting ahead of himself with his thinking when he only spoke to Levi twice, the second time being a disaster at that, it was still best to stop while ahead right? Right?   

Yet Eren remained in his spot, waiting for Levi to show, hoping against all odds that Levi would come, eager despite his earlier decision to stop obsessing over that dark haired man while he still could. The last thing Eren needed right now, after such a long break, after getting back on track with his life, was a messed up relationship or in this case - moping over something that was just too complicated.

He was doing it again! Getting ahead with his line of thoughts! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

_You don't even know him Yeager, and let it stay that way!_

After one more groan of frustration, Eren forced his legs into working and decided once and for all to leave this be and go home. Maybe he'll let Armin and Jean take him out next weekend. They've been pestering him for months now; nagging and nagging that he needed to get it together and get out already. He was starting to think they were right. Problem was that Eren wasn't interested in finding anyone, didn't feel the need to, he thought that he was just fine this way. A one night stand didn't even appeal to him whatsoever. It rarely did in the past but now? Nah, he didn't feel the urge for random, no string attached sex or more precisely - sex at all ever since that night. Maybe there was something wrong with him that doctors failed to mention? Whatever. It didn't matter either way.

Eren didn't feel lonely at all, he had his friends, quite a few if he had to be honest, everyone dear to his heart. Yes, even Jean. He loved that stupid jerk even though it was quite hard to do at times. Eren knew him only a few years less than Mikasa and Armin; he was a third person in his heart. Despite the time Eren spent trying really hard to push him out of it, the jackass simply refused to leave. Meeting with Jean meant Marco would come along. Eren smiled at the thought. Those two seemed inseparable lately and Eren just loved to tease Jean about it. Maybe Eren could tag along for the simple fun of pissing Jean off a little? Now that thought sounded quite tempting. And he would have a chance to talk to Marco which makes it easier, Eren would have a chance to ask him about…

''Eren!''

Eren had already decided to walk back home, lost in his thoughts, his mind already made up about calling up Armin when he heard his name being yelled. He turned around and saw him. And just like that, his earlier assertiveness to give this up was gone in an instant. He didn't have a chance before, circumstances of seeing Levi earlier quite chaotic and unexpected, to actually look at Levi but now Eren had the opportunity to appreciate what he was seeing. Levi must've come straight from work as he was wearing a maroon button up, two top buttons were undone which Eren didn't fail to notice, a dark suit jacket and black fitted jeans. Casual but smart. Ideal in Eren's eyes. He swallowed hard and realized his plan to give up wouldn't be so easily achieved as he first anticipated. Despite not knowing Levi, what kind of person he was, something still pulled Eren towards the man approaching him. All Eren wanted was to convince himself that it was a simple physical, sexual attraction that he was feeling. Who knows, maybe if he told himself that sufficiently enough times, maybe he would finally convince himself?

Eren felt his throat go dry as he smiled against his better judgment and appreciated the porcelain white skin of Levi's exposed collarbone. He literally had to force his eyes up.

''I am sorry for being late. I got held up at work.''

Eren felt ashamed with himself all of a sudden for doubting Levi. Something told him from the beginning that Levi wasn't the kind of person to back out on his word. He looked down to cover up his burning cheeks. It was from shame of doubting Levi, right? It  _had_  to be the shame.

''Don't be. I was stupid to ask you for this after a long work day. Um, though I thought that…''

''That I wouldn't come?''

''Well yeah. And I wouldn't blame you after my ambiguous behavior.''

''Well, you're honest. I'll give you that. So where are we going? Where do you wanna talk?''

 

 

_How old am I? Don't I have any self-control? Why did I laugh at him like that?! Ugh._

But Eren had to admit that seeing Levi's embarrassed face was really amusing, his slightly pink cheeks looked perfect on his ivory skin. It eased up his usual cold demeanor and Eren had to force his thoughts away from the path they started to take. Get your head out of the gutter Yeager! Yet, except his laughing fit, Eren had to say that the walk to the diner with Levi was quite comfortable. Eren found himself really at ease in spite of the silence that hung between them. Eren was the talkative type but the quiet between him and Levi was somewhat soothing.

That was until he sat in front of Levi, the distance between them so small. Eren almost felt the warmth emanating from Levi's legs under the table. Now the lack of conversation was almost excruciating. Eren had nothing to take his mind off…better to leave it unnamed.

They looked through the menus, ordered their meals, and sat – all in silence. Eren was about to go bonkers. He had to find something to do. The last thing he could afford was to look at Levi's face because his face was attached to his neck and the neck to the collarbones and…Stop!

Eren took a sip of water to help his parched throat; straightened out the napkins, fixed the cutlery that he didn't even notice the waitress had brought while he was preoccupied with his squirming. He started fidgeting with his legs, changing their position but being careful not to touch Levi. That was the last thing he needed right now. His mind was doing everything  _but_  what he told himself before that he ought to do. Eren took another sip of the water that was not helping at all.

''Would you freaking stop?!''

Eren jumped up in his seat, his heart felt as if it was about to come out of his mouth as he found the courage to look at Levi again. He apprehended Levi was getting irritated by his nonstop movements and Eren almost laughed at his own stupidity. How old  _was_ he _?_

''I am not going to beat you or kill you for fuck's sake. You're acting as if you're about to face a trial. Am I really that scary?''

Scary? Levi? Eren relaxed in an instant at the ridiculousness of the thought that someone would think Levi was scary. Intimidating at times? Yes. But not scary. The gray eyes told the truth that Eren was able to read more and more. He reprimanded himself for his childish behavior and gathered himself up again.

''Um… Am I to be honest or nice?''

 

 

When Eren saw that Levi was done with his attack on the food before him, Eren tried starting up a small conversation in between bites. Soon enough Eren felt he was going back to his old self. He didn't even know why he was so agitated in the first place. He could do this, right? Talk like a normal person with someone he met; make a new acquaintance like everybody else. The little bickering between him and Levi broke through the awkwardness. True, when Eren grabbed Levi's wrist, an impulse like many others around the raven-black-haired man, he could feel the warmth spreading through his body. But he got it together, disregarded the reaction from his mind. And so, Eren chatted away, completely forgetting what he was meeting with Levi for in the first place.

Eren just found himself talking about random things; the ideas came flowing into his mind out of nowhere. At first, he was scared that Levi was nowhere near interested in what he was saying, Eren talking about more stupid ways in which patients could get hurt when he was still in the ER ward, about his dog, about the movie he wanted to see, really random things that just came to his mind. And then he got Levi's attention with mentioning a book he was reading. Somehow it didn't surprise Eren that Levi was the reading type. Eren was one as well and that pulled the older man into the conversation, almost as if before, Levi was scared to interrupt Eren.

Why didn't he think of it before? Of course, Levi would patiently wait for Eren to finish. The problem was that when something got Eren going he had a problem with stopping his mouth. Especially when he was nervous and Levi presence did that to him no matter how hard he tried to disregard the fact. Soon they were talking comfortably. Ok, Eren was doing most of the talking but he saw that Levi listened with great interest sparking in his gray eyes. Maybe he was the type to listen? Who knew?

Eren got really comfortable as time went on and the words flowed; his food gone, their plates taken away, warm drink in hands, Levi drifting off to sleep.

What?!

Eren looked with shock as the man before him literally snoozed off for a moment. And then he watched as Levi was shaking his head and opening his blood red eyes with difficulty. When was the last time the man before him had a good night sleep? He looked like someone who hadn't had a wink of sleep in at least a week. Eren had no idea how close to the truth he was with that thought.

Soon enough they got to the reason why they were even there, the meal Levi needed at once had strayed them from the conversation that they were supposed to be having. And just like that, the warm mood was gone and Eren felt Levi becoming hostile once more. It seemed like the warm attitude he gave Eren before, the idle chit chat was Levi temporary letting his guard down and now he was back in full mode. Eren didn't like this cold sheath one bit.

As the conversation played out, Eren felt like he was in some surrealistic world. This situation was beyond ridiculous, one misunderstanding after another, stupid assumptions outright hilarious. There was another thing about this conversation and only one word could describe it. Bullshit. That's how Eren would sum up the part that explained why he stormed out of the room. But what could he tell Levi? That he was shocked that Erwin was his boyfriend and the cruel reality crashed down on him and he felt beyond stupid for not seeing it before? That he was woeful that Levi was in a relationship? Yeah, Eren didn't think so either. He had to think of a quick and believable lie. Eren hated not being 100% honest but he just couldn't say it to Levi. He would look outright stupid and dumb. When the awaited question was asked once more, Eren just  _had_  to look away. He couldn't look at Levi, hoping he wouldn't see through him as well as his red cheeks that were burning.

''Um. It's kind of stupid actually. Well, when you said he was your partner, I thought that you saw me touching him, well it was my job to wash him, true, but I suddenly felt really embarrassed. I don't even know why myself. It was like I was caught by a wife washing her husband or something." Eren realized what he said and how it sounded and looked back at Levi, panic raising the speed of his beating heart even more. "Not that you're a wife and…AGH! This is stupid. Please, say you understand. You're gay too right! Think about washing someone else's boyfriend…''

When Levi just gave up with a groan and laid his head on the table, Eren had a much needed moment to breathe before lowering his head to look at him. Somehow he got through this conversation, saw Levi let his guard down on few occasions too but something still remained that bothered Eren, a question he felt he needed to ask. Maybe Levi would think it was stupid, that  _he_  was stupid but then again maybe the answer would an obvious  **no**  and Eren would have nothing more to worry about. Both of them going their separate ways as it should be, just like Eren kept telling himself was for the better while it was still just an infatuation on his side.

''Oh, I think I know that one. Oof. I actually feel much lighter after getting it all out in the open. But one question still remains…'' Eren started to fidget in his seat again.

''What is it?''

''Um, I…yyy. I was wondering if you still wanted Erwin to be taken care of by me?''

''What?! What the hell are you spouting out of that blabbering mouth?'' Levi looked honestly puzzled.

''Um. I just thought that maybe…'' Eren mumbled, playing with the table's cloth.

''Maybe what? Eren, this is your job, is it not? It's the same as if you were straight and you were taking care of someone's wife. I don't see why you would ask me such an insane question.''

Now he felt extremely, undeniably like a moron and utter idiot. Levi didn't hide from his tone of voice that he was thinking of him in that way.

''I-I… I don't know. I just… ugh!''

Eren put his head in both his palms, feeling his face becoming unbearably hot with embarrassment as he put his elbows on the table. Eren felt like he wanted to disappear. What was he even thinking?! Of course, Levi was right! Why was he even asking such ridiculous questions in the first place?! He squeezed his face with his hands, almost piercing his forehead and cheeks with his fingernails. A slight pain appeared, but not on his face. It was his right hand. He completely forgot about his earlier explosion and the little wall incident. And of course, his hand chose this wonderful moment to remind him of his previous moment of stupidity. Like the one he experienced just now wasn't unbearable enough.

Eren almost jumped out of his skin as he felt a cold touch on his right wrist. He put his hands down to look at Levi, who was touching his wrist and waiting for him to make eye contact. Levi's face was closer than before and Eren saw it clearly now. His face light, his eyes tired, bloodshot, with dark circles under, small stubble appearing on his chin. But to Eren, it was hard to deny, as he felt so vulnerable at that moment and tired after a long day of his own, that this face was a picture of perfection.

''Stop it. I understand why'd you ask this, so just stop.'' Levi sat back in his seat again in an instant. It was as if he had realized only now he'd actually touched Eren, both of Levi's hands now hidden under the table.

''This just assures me that what I said to your boss earlier was correct. You care about your patients and I hope you will continue to take care of Erwin just the same.''

''Of course, I will!''

''Then we're all goo…'' His voiced trailed off without finishing the sentence.

''What is it, Levi?''

''I just realized something. It's nothing. I've got to go but…''

Eren saw clearly that Levi was hesitating about something. It seemed like he wanted to say something but stopped in the middle of it. Maybe it was about another stupid thing Eren did or said but was too polite to embarrass Eren even more. Still, Eren nudged on Levi to speak. Who knew he was such a social masochist.

''What is it? Really. Whatever you say won't make feel more of an idiot than I already feel.''

Levi scoffed at him, but Eren noticed his facial expression loosen up.

''No. It's nothing like that. You did a really good job today all by yourself already. It's just I won't be able to come over to the hospital in the near future because of work and… Ah, nevermind. I just thought I should tell you so you won't need to bend your work schedule anymore. Well – Levi started to get up – see you around.''

''I can message you!''

''Huh?''

''Um I mean... about Erwin that is. If you cannot come over then… I um, I can only imagine how it feels to wait every day and coming over is a way that helps you make sure that everything's alright. You know that the hospital would call if anything changed but knowing for the whole the day that a call might come at any minute but not knowing so at the same time must be torturous.'' Once more, Eren was simply babbling everything that came to his mind and when he looked at Levi he saw the shock on his face.

Did Eren just read Levi's feelings like an open book? Was he dead on about how Levi's every day looked like? The only way out of this situation is to babble on.

''So I thought I could message you about what's going on with him. Um… you know, I am just saying… but maybe I am being stupid again…''

''Thank you.''

Eren felt the need to look up and see Levi's face. A simple thank you was all that he received but the feelings in that simple sentence were pure. But again the moment of easiness on Levi's face was temporary. Seconds later the mask was back on and when he spoke to Eren, his voice calm and emotionless.

''I'd really appreciate it, so the phone?''

''What?''

''The phone number, you'd need it right?''

''Ah! Yes!''

They exchanged phone numbers and the silence come upon them again. Eren felt they were nearing the end of the meeting and was desperate to prolong it, if only by few minutes.

''You can also message me at any given time.'' Eren proposed, fidgety in his seat.

''I don't think that's a very good idea.'' Came Levi's curt reply.

''Why?'' Eren wasn't sure if he should be feeling hurt.

''I mean, you don't spend your whole day at work and you wouldn't like me to message you on your private time, now would you?''

Eren bit his tongue and stopped himself from screaming that indeed, he would _love_ that.

''Oh, do not worry about that. It just so happens that in the near future the hospital indeed will be my home and I can simply forget about any  _private time_  as you called it.''

''Why?''

Shit, he forgot. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. The last thing Eren wanted was to Levi feel bad about his situation; Eren got into trouble all by himself perfectly well. But the subject came up and there was no turning back.

''Um, you know how I was supposed to meet Hannes, I mean my boss for my ''punishment''? Well, that is it. Overtime for the next two or three weeks depending on my attitude and the tempo of my rehabilitation, and I am to clean up and reorganize the archives for the whole ER ward. And all of that, of course, I volunteered for out of the goodness of my big pure heart.''

Eren couldn't push the sarcasm out of his tone.

''Well that's some big heart you have there. Maybe you have some heart disease that you should have checked out.''

''Yeah, very funny.''

''But on more of a serious matter, I am really…''

"Shut it. If you say you're sorry about this I am gonna make you help me with the archives if you feel so obliged to feel apologetic.''

''Ok, I'll keep quiet as my heart isn't as big and pure as yours seems to be.''

Eren was already opening his mouth to make some cheeky comments but it looks like his face showed his intentions all too well.

''Now,  _you_  put a sock in it. But I really gotta go now, it's really late.''

It was indeed. Eren didn't even notice time slip by. It was almost 11; they sat there for over 2hours!

''Oh my, I am sorry I kept you so late Levi. I…''

But then Eren received a glare and all words were lost in his throat. They paid for their meals, left the diner and soon Eren was watching as Levi walked in direction of the hospital where he apparently left his car. It was the middle of the night but the street lamps lit up the street all too well. And it was to Eren's misfortune because he had a clear view on things he knew he shouldn't be looking at.

Yes, Eren was shamefully checking Levi out.

His gaze looked from the sexy undercut of his ebony black hair that looked smooth as silk. Eren was wondering how it would feel to run his hands through those locks, tangle his fingers and mess up that perfect hairdo. Then he looked at the long slender neck, at shoulders that even though covered with a jacket, it was still noticeable that they were quite wide despite Levi's short posture. Eren envisioned his back to be muscled and well toned, pale just like his neck and shoulder blades Eren stole gazes of throughout the whole evening. Levi's suit jacket was buttoned so it fit tightly around him, showing Eren how amazingly small his hips were. He fought hard not to imagine how it would feel to put his large hands on them, grab them firmly but gently; would he be able to cover this whole beautiful posture with his arms wrapped around? Would Levi fit perfectly under his chin? And then his hips ended and that's where Eren's eyes lingered on the longest. Levi's ass was… Eren couldn't find the right words in his head to describe how sexy his ass looked in those black tight jeans. It should be against the law to look so freaking hot. Levi's each ass cheek was cupped in perfection in those pants, firm and small, Eren imagined he would be capable of groping each cheek fully in each of his large hands; he could see clearly as the muscles moved while Levi walked on. Eren just started and stared, until he could still make out Levi's posture up to the point when Levi turned the corner.

For a moment Eren still looked at the spot where Levi's ass… _back_  disappeared but then reached into his pocket, took out his phone and clicked 3 on his speed dial. Eren knew it was late but was hoping that his friend would forgive him if he indeed woke him up. After three signals he picked up and Eren didn't even wait for any sort of hello as he spoke.

''Armin, I am in deep shit. And you cannot, I repeat,  **cannot**  tell Mikasa anything about it.''

 

* * *

 

Levi sat in his office on Monday late afternoon, squeezing his cell phone in almost a death grip. He will not message; he cannot bother Eren so early in his work day. He never had the luxury to know about Erwin's condition in an up-to-date matter. The evening came and he'd go over to see that everything was gruesomely the same but okay. He couldn't get greedy with this new situation no matter what. Still, this was the third time he took out his phone and stared at it while a fight went on inside him.

And this was just one of the reasons he was irritated today.

He came in this morning, earlier than everybody else as always; expecting to be alone in the office, to have a chance to get things together for the day like he usually did. But to his surprise, he already found Hanji at their desk clicking away on the computer. He later found out that they came 30 minutes before him, got emails from the rest of the team about whatever that they had done on a Sunday!

And what was Levi doing the day before? He was sleeping most of the day. When he got home it was close to midnight, after a shower, sorting of the laundry for the next day and other clean up stuff it was already 2 a.m. when he finally got to bed. And for the first time in last two weeks he slept a peaceful and undisturbed sleep. He woke up way past afternoon and before he knew it the day was already over. He didn't even know what he did throughout the whole day, it sort of just passed by him. And when he came into work on the next day, he finds out he was some sort of an excuse of a boss. All of his employees were working their asses off while he let the day pass him by without achieving anything besides catching up on his sleep and cleaning.

It was needless to say he was pissed off at himself quite badly, restless about whether he should text Eren or not and to add to all that he just got off the phone with the VP Nile and he said he'd be coming over tomorrow. It seemed that Levi's attempts to convince him that there was no need for him to come over failed. Levi explained that it was only a single day that his team was working on this project, that he shouldn't be wasting his precious time coming over, that Levi would call him if they got to a phase that would be acceptable to present; all of those reasons fell on deaf ears. Levi was really on the verge of yelling that he didn't need to be babbysitted with this project. Actually, not on the verge, he did yell that but he was blessed with Hanji once more, who took the phone away from him and covered it with their hand and Levi's mouth with the other. It seemed the VP didn't notice anything from the other end of the line and they were still working on the project.

Everyone was working more precisely, Levi was in his office at the moment, growling under his nose, clutching the phone and scolding himself all at the same time. He had to get it together! He took a deep breath, leaned back in his chair and…

RING! RING!

He almost got a heart attack and fell out of his chair as his phone suddenly rang twice, announcing an incoming text message. When he up straight and unlocked his cell phone he still could feel his heart beating painfully fast. And then his mood picked up all of a sudden after seeing the message and its sender.

 **(3:47 P.M.)** **Eren:** I hope Im not disturbin ur work time but I have a chance to mssg. Erwin's physiotherapist came in 2day, I had a chance 2 talk 2 him 4 a mmnt and he said that everythin was alright.

 **(3:49 P.M.)** **Levi:** Thank you for the message. By the way, you're smart enough to pass and become a nurse yet you seem to have failed the English course.

 **(3:53 P.M.)** **Eren:** Oh, that’s just an old man speakin thru u :p this way's easier and fstr :p

 **(3:56 P.M.)** **Levi:** And analphabetic as well.

 **(4:01 P.M.)** **Eren:** W/e. Im actually quite surprisd. I was sure u'd write to me b4 afternoon.

Levi decided not answer this one and after around 10 minutes he got another message from Eren.

 **(4:11 P.M.)** **Eren:** I'm right rnt I? You wanted to didnt u?

Again Levi chose not to write anything back, but still huffed at his phone at how easily Eren read him but in reality, his mood took an 180 degree turn. He was about to put his cell phone away when he got one last message.

 **(4:19 P.M.)** **Eren:** I know I'm right so theres no need to answer :p ttyl

There was no need to mention that Levi's day went smoothly from the point on. After two more messages from Eren, one about Eren leaving for the day and giving Erwin's his meds and IVs and all of which was ok, the other wishing Levi good luck with his work. Levi didn't really mind staying so late at work in the end. He felt calm and content when he was leaving his office around midnight. It felt good to know that Erwin was ok, he felt really at ease for the first time in a long time. He didn't actually see for himself if everything was alright so he should feel uncertain in some degree even though the knowledge was the same as always – Erwin was the same and okay and yet once more Levi slept a peaceful night.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the week somehow passed by with no incident. They had to stay over most of the evenings, VPs visits annoyed him but Levi felt in a good mood. Eren, true to his word, would send daily messages to Levi. Levi was actually quite surprised he didn't give in and get bored with messaging Levi every single day. In the end, the messages were always the same considering the subject, stating that Erwin was alright, sometimes details of what Eren did for him that given day. Yet Eren always made them different, they weren't simple ''Erwin's OK'' kind of message. But there was one, on Thursday last week that almost gave Levi a heart attack. He still had it on his phone, like the rest of them as well but this one he kept looking at over and over again. In this one, Eren even remembered to use proper English.

 **(2:01 P.M.)** **Eren:** Hi Levi, right off the start I want to say that this is nothing, and most of the time we don't even say anything to the family as this. unfortunately. doesn't mean anything, it just happens sometimes and I'd hate to get your hopes up but I'd feel really bad if I didn't tell you this. Today Erwin's CT scans showed up random, but a short spike of activity. I really am sorry but this is normal and I hate to sound pessimistic but on more realistic look at things, this doesn't mean much. I am really sorry if I worried you but I just thought you should know…besides this, everything's ok and the same.

Levi read it over and over again until it sunk in. He understood where Eren's intentions were coming from and despite the cruel reality of this message he still appreciated it. Even though he rarely answered messages, he wrote back to most of Eren's and this one deserved a proper response.

 **(2:03 P.M.)** **Levi:** I appreciate your honesty Eren and thank you for the message.

 **(2:04 P.M.)** **Eren:** No need 2 thank me, srry I cldnt give u better news

 **(2:07 P.M.)** **Levi:** I see we are back to kindergarten speech?

 **(2:11 P.M.)** **Eren:** Tht way u know right away that its a mssg from me :) 

 **(2:17 P.M.)** **Levi:** You can stop that, having your number in contact list will suffice just enough.'

 **(2:18 P.M.)** **Eren:** And give up the chance to read ur old man's bickering? Never! I guess u will not answer this one so ttyl, good luck at work.

Again Eren predicted Levi's reaction correctly. Levi indeed did not plan to answer to that brat's mockery. It still brightened Levi's mood after neutral yet bad news.

After replaying that last Thursday's conversation, a week passed already since that time, he took out his phone and actually wrote to Eren first. He wasn't sure why, he felt the need to and after a week and a half of small messages exchanged, Levi didn't see anything wrong about writing first. Sometimes they even exchanged messages after Eren's assurance that Erwin's was ok. It was still mostly Levi trying to talk Eren into texting in proper English but after a third try, Levi knew there was no use. Some part of him was telling him that Eren might be even writing this way on a sole purpose of making Levi grumble. Was the brat really only 6 years younger than him?

 **(6:27 P.M.)** **Levi:** Hi Eren, I hope you don't mind me writing to you first, just had a free moment at work. Did you have a chance to be in Erwin's room today?

There was no answer for almost 15 minutes, during which Levi sipped the coffee Hange made for him. He started to think that Eren wouldn't write back. Maybe he was busy? Levi looked at the hour on his phone. It read after 6 p.m. so from what Eren told him earlier, he should be at work already. He was about to put the phone away, sure that Eren wouldn't write back when the phone rang. He checked it with anticipation.

 **(6:42 P.M.)** **Eren:** Would u just quit it already? With the courtesy I mean. U can write 2 me anytime, if I cant answer I just wont :p and I just finshd givin him a full and proper bath. i had my colleague help me out so it was doable. Erwin is one big guy ;)

Levi thought it would be uncomfortable talk, that it would hurt or he'd feel discomfort talking about Erwin but Eren somehow made the topic light like it was nothing bad that Erwin was in this state and he was taking care of him. Levi simply felt that Erwin was in really good hands. He smirked as he typed back to Eren.

 **(6:45 P.M.)** **Levi:** Yes, he is quite massive in size. I hope you managed somehow?

 **(6:46 P.M.)** **Eren:** Now, ur just boasting about ur boyfriend! ;)

Levi had no idea what Eren was talking about and then it hit him! He did not believe he was having this kind of talk with Eren!

 **(6:49 P.M.)** **Levi:** You pervert! What are you spouting! You're his nurse, you should not be looking at him in that way! Are you trying to make me rethink how you take care of you patients? Maybe I really should ask your boss for someone else's care?

 **(6:50 P.M.)** **Eren:** I am srry. I was just kiddin. Im serious. And we managed just fine, so u have nothin 2 wrry about. Im really really sorry. I was really just kidding…

Levi knew he should be furious at Eren for his unprofessional way of looking at Erwin's condition but yet he was not. He should be angry that another man was touching Erwin, washing him and simply seeing him naked. All of those feelings  _should_  be what Levi felt but some part of him saw Eren's joke for what it was – a simple joke to make this whole situation easier for Levi. What was this brat doing differently that made this entire thing a whole lot easier for Levi to handle? Levi felt he needed to assure Eren that he wasn't mad in the end. Levi wasn't sure what exactly he felt but there was no anger at Eren.

 **(6:55 P.M.)** **Levi:** Stop, I know. But your sense of humour is weird.

 **(6:57 P.M.)** **Eren:** Possible :p or mybe ur just having a shitty day and didnt get it old grumpy.

 **(7:01 P.M.)** **Levi:** You actually got it somewhat right. I am having a shitty day.

 **(7:03 P.M.)** **Eren** **:** oooo, tell me!

 **(7:04 P.M.)** **Levi:** Why?

 **(7:05 P.M.)** **Eren** **:** Maybe urs is worse than mine and ill feel a bit better :D 

 **(7:09 P.M.)** **Levi:** Honest, rnt we? It just happens some client is comin over and I swear Im on the verge of strangling the guy!'

 **(7:10 P.M.)** **Eren** **:** U rlly r on a verge of murderous spree! U even started to write like me :p 

Levi looked over his message and indeed, he abbreviated some words. But thinking about how Nile is going to hover over him again, being anything but subtle about what his intentions were towards Levi, just made him angry beyond words.

 **(7:12 P.M.)** **Eren** **:** But think bout the cons of it and the biggest one um I dunno – GOING TO JAIL? so maybe its best to keep it in?

 **(7:15 P.M.)** **Levi:** Easy for you to say. You don't have to cope with this…

 **(7:15 P.M.)** **Eren** **:** How about we switch? I deal with the dude and u organize the freaking archives. Most of these patients are long dead and yet Hannes thinks it's essential to clean it up.'

 **(7:17 P.M.)** **Levi:** Thanks, but no thanks.'

 **(7:18 P.M.)** **Eren** **:** I figurd as much. Anyway, hang in there. And srry again for that stupid joke…

 **(7:20 P.M.)** **Levi:** Don't worry about it. It's ok. Have a nice day with the archives.

 **(7:21 P.M.)** **Eren** **:** Ur a … ur not very nice r u? I wont visit u during ur jail time if ull keep being this way :p 

Levi didn't answer the last one, only chuckled as he put his phone on the desk and went to grab his coffee. He was so preoccupied with the texting that he didn't even notice nor hear that Hange has come in and was looking at him in a weird way. Oh, no. Levi knew that look and it never ever meant anything good for him. Before he could say anything they were already at his desk and grabbing his cell phone with a wicked smile. They were amazingly fast; they already took his possession away while his hand was barely halfway through the distance of where his phone laid seconds ago. The only thing he could do now was put the coffee away and glare at them. Not that it ever did anything. They seemed to have generated immunity to his glares over the years. It was a very inconvenient thing for Levi.

''What do we have here? Levi texting? No, more than that – Levi texting  ** _and_**  smiling? This calls for Hange's investigation!''

They looked at the phone in their hands, which, to Levi's horror, was not blocked. He got up without saying a word and Hange instinctively backed away.

''hange, you  _do_   _not_  want to go there. I am having a bad day already as it is.''

''Ooo, so my senses are working. If you do not want me to look then it must mean something.''

They were backing away without turning their back to Levi while clicking on the phone. Levi acted fast now, the last thing he needed was the 'Hange-babble' session. He was certain that they would see something out of ordinary in Levi and Eren messaging while there was none.

In an instant, he was at their side and reaching for his phone while they wickedly smiled at him and they did something that made Levi see red. These were the moments that Levi really despised his  _below average_  height.

Hange put up the hand that held the phone while they went into the messages and as they were (obviously) the taller one, this made the cell phone out of reach for him. Levi jumped up with his hand extended in an attempt to grab the phone. He felt right out ridiculed by the whole situation, to which Hange reacted with their annoying laughter. They took a step back as Levi was on the verge of huffing in fury. This only made that annoying grin wider. They were intentionally making Levi furious and having a blast while at it.

Levi felt tired after almost 4 weeks of slave labor that work felt like lately and decided to face his doom head on. At least he could do that with dignity instead of jumping up like some freaking kid. He gave Hange one last glare as he walked back to his desk, counting backward from 20 nevertheless. He was sure if he didn't, Eren indeed would be able to visit him in jail but for the murder of Hange instead of Nile. So he sat in his chair and finished his coffee as Hange insolently read through his messages. Of course, Levi preferred calling over texting so the only messages on his phone were the ones he exchanged with Eren and that was the sole reason Hange was so curious who he was writing to.

Moments later they looked up smiling like the idiot that Levi presumed they were.

''Are you done? Can I have my phone back now?" Levi sighed, rubbing in between his eyes.

''Sure." They put the phone on the desk in front of Levi and then sat on the corner of the table. "So, who is Eren?''

Levi knew, judging by the look in their eyes, that he wouldn't get away from this one by ignoring them, at least not this time. He decided the bored and distant approach was the best so he answered their question. Best to get it over with quickly.

''He's Erwin's nurse.''

''I figured as much dummy.''

''Then why are you asking,  _dummy?_ ''

''Ugh, I see. As always you're not going to make this easy.''

''I don't know what you mean but I shouldn't be even talking to you after you invaded my privacy for god knows what reason.''

''Oh, come on Levi. Don't be mean. I mean meaner than the usual  _mean_.''

''Are you done?''

''I will be when you'll answer my questions.''

''I did, you moron. I don't know what more you want to know. Eren is Erwin's nurse, I can't come over to the hospital for the time being because of this project so he offered to message me about Erwin's condition as he is, as I said twice already,  _Erwin's nurse!_ ''

''You  _do_  know I am not buying the short version? You met someone and actually keep in contact and…''

''I don't know what that means in your eyes but whatever it is that you're thinking –  _stop_   _it_.''

''Cooooooome on Levi.'' Of course, they started to whine.

''Will you get the hell out of my office if I tell you?''

''Yes! I swear I will. But you have to tell me everything without leaving any details out!'' Hange squeaked in excitement and Levi questioned their friendship once again.

''Ugh, you're annoying as ever. I don't know what's so fascinating about this but whatever strikes your fancy.''

Hange clapped their hands in excitement, got off the desk and sat on the sofa comfortably. What was this? Story telling time? Levi let out a very long sigh as he started telling her about how he met Eren and everything that happened afterward. He knew them her too well so he didn't leave any details out. They would notice it right away. Unfortunately, they knew him just as well and would see if he wasn't honest with them. Soon enough he was finished and hoping with all his might that his 'story telling' would satisfy Hange and they would just leave him the hell alone. He still had to mentally prepare himself for Nile's visit, not to mention work to finish.

Levi figured gods didn't like him in the least when Hange was not showing any signs of getting up. He should've figured this would not be that easy, his life simply didn't go that way.

''What more do you want? Are you forgetting that you're at work and speaking to your boss as well?''

''Oh, shut it, Levi. Like you've ever cared about that kind of thing. You don't even treat the rest of the guys like a normal boss should. So, about Eren…''

 ''Hange…'' Levi spoke in a reprimanding tone but they still continued speaking.

''I think this is some nice guy that you met there, Levi. I think you should get to know him better, especially since you're, well,  _you._ And the fact that this guy didn't run even after the whole misunderstanding shows he got some balls. I can only imagine what kind of glares you were giving him then. And also Eren seems like a good guy, it's as simple as that.''

''Hange, I really do not like the tone you are using but maybe you are forgetting some detail? I have Erwin?''

''Oh, come on Levi! I am not telling you to sleep with the guy right off the bat! I am trying to convince you to make friends with this guy.''

''And why would you care all of a sudden about my friends and if I make new ones?''

''Um, I dunno? Maybe because you don't have any?''

''That is not true, Hange.''

''Alright, then name some of your friends  _beside_  me, Erwin and the guys at work?''

Levi had to keep silent. He really hated when Hange was right. And of course, they were now gloating with a smile on their face and the pride of being right emanating from them.

''See? So I think this is a good chance, Levi and before you say anything let me tell you something. I meant to say it some time ago but I was hoping things would change and I wouldn't have to do this. Unfortunately, they didn't." They got up and sat in the chair in front of Levi's desk. All the humour was instantly gone from their voice so Levi knew they were about to have one of those serious conversations. One of the many ever since Erwin went into the coma after that accident. "You might think I am butting in like always, that I am just Erwin's friend and became your acquaintance just because of some chance meeting through Erwin. And it might've been true at first. Somewhere around 7 years ago; but it hasn't been the case for a long time now. Levi, I am your friend just as much as I am Erwin's so you will hear out my nagging until the very end. So here it comes. What happened to Erwin is tragic, and believe me when I say I hurt just as much as you do every day, though it might not seem this way…''

''Hange, stop it.'' Levi was not going to have this conversation. He refused to. He was fine. He was ok. He was getting by somehow and he didn't need anyone's preaching, especially not now, and at work of all places.

''No, I will not. You cannot keep doing this Levi; work – hospital – home, work – hospital – home; this daily routine of yours has to stop. We all hope for Erwin to wake up every day but do you really think it is ok to be stuck in the same kind of coma that he is? You may be walking and talking but you are stuck Levi, trapped in this triangle and it's making you miserable and you don't even notice it.''

''Just quit it Hange, it's my life and I am…''

 ''You're not okay, Levi. But you don't even know it because you are frozen in this state you put yourself in three years ago. I know you had to do it back then to pull yourself back from that edge but it's enough now. Do you really think that, when Erwin wakes up and hears the kind of life you've been living so far, he'll be happy?''

''Don't go there! Don't try to make me feel guilty! And you have no idea what Erwin…''

''Really? I have no idea? Levi for Christ's sake, he's my family too! And yes! I  _know_  he will be pissed off when he hears that you went back into your shell the moment he was gone. _Especially_ when he worked so hard to get you out of it!''

''Where the hell is this even coming from? Why the fuck are we having this conversation now and at work at that?''

''Because, even if it might seem stupid to you, this Eren guy looks like a chance for you to get out of this hell hole of your own misery. It's the first opportunity that I am seeing since a long time and I am going to grab it! I just want you to stop this sickly routine Levi. I care for you, you dummy. And it seems to me that Eren wants to make friends with you too but you're  _you_  so of course you will see this as nothing more as him being courteous. And it's ok Levi, it's ok to meet new people. Not everyone has ulterior motives." They got up and started walking towards the door. Levi was certain they were done but then Hange turned around once more. They had this sad look in their eyes. Levi could handle almost anything but seeing Hange miserable was one thing he still had no idea how to cope with. "And Levi? Whether you care or not about what I said, it still would be nice of you to do something for the guy. Even if you don't plan to keep contact with him, Eren  _still_ went out of his way and did something for you. In the end, he didn't have to message you and he offered that himself. Ask him out for dinner, a drink or something, I don't know but do something.  _Especially_  since he made you smile for the first time in over three years.''

After that, they left the room. They walked out, leaving Levi with so many feelings inside he wasn't sure which he felt more – anger at them for butting into his life, confusion why Eren's person was to be his ''way out of this sickly routine'' as Hange put it, shock that he indeed did not remember smiling in last three years or maybe irritation that deep inside he knew Hange was right.

Why couldn't they keep quiet? Why wouldn't they leave it alone and let him be the way he was for last three years. Why didn't they stay silent but forcefully made him aware that he was back to square one, back to the way he was before meeting Erwin. If only they would've kept that annoying yapping mouth shut then he wouldn’t have to face reality and see just how fucked up he made his existence and managed it all by himself. He was fucking alright and okay before they said anything! 

He was, wasn't he?


	5. Breaking point

 

Levi sat in his chair for some time, rummaging through his mind, searching for an answer; what should he do, what would be the best and the correct way out of this situation. This was not a comfortable state whatsoever. You don't just drop bombs like that on people Hange; you don't come out and make them aware of inconvenient things.

Why couldn't they let him live in the misery he was comfortably oblivious to. It seemed utterly idiotic, out of place and right out unnatural. Out of nowhere he being forced into facing the reality he wasn't aware he was living in. Why didn't he see it before? And it wasn't like he could just ignore Hange, not when, with their help, it hit him right in the face what he had done to his life. Maybe if it was someone other than Hange then he could disregard it, claim they knew shit about him and his life. But not with the annoying friend of his, damn it. It was extremely surreal; as if someone had suddenly told him that he's sick with some nasty disease. You just don't ignore it and put it away from your mind. Especially when the second most important person in your life tells you just how fucked up you are.

What was he supposed to do now? What was the correct way to go about this?

It turns out, to Levi's _utter_ surprise, groaning and grumbling under his breath somehow _did_ _not_ bring any answer to his pondering mind.

He gets up, only gives a passing glance to his half drank and already cold coffee. If Levi hated something in this world, cold coffee was on top of his list. He cringes at the mere thought of drinking the disgusting liquid as he walks out of his office and up to Hange's desk. Levi finds them deep in their work, their slim fingers typing away at the speed of light on the computer. He hasn't got the slightest clue what he should say. Still, he is certain that they deserved some kind of answer from him, nonetheless. Yet, he stood there, not a word leaving his mouth. Levi wasn't even sure if Hange noticed that he was there, but after another minute or two of him just standing there, they stopped typing.

So they _did_ know he was there the whole time. It was just like them to give him time to gather his thoughts. Why did they freaking know him so well? The only problem was that Levi didn't have any thoughts to assemble, not the slightest clue what he should say.

What was a person to say in such a situation? _Thank you for poking a stick in my heart and restarting it, I didn't even notice that it has stopped? Not sure if I like it now or maybe it was better for it to stay frozen?_ Levi didn't think so either that it was that it was the right thing to say.

So they just stared at each other for a long moment. Levi tried to get it together in his head, put some – any – words together, to show that he was thankful for their concern. But he still needed time to come up with a right way to approach this thing, whatever _it_ was. Show Hange that he was confused but thankful just the same. Maybe his expression could show his feelings? Yeah, right. His face was only capable of wearing a mask of emotionless expressions.

So why was Hange grinning at him all of a sudden? Why were they looking at him as if he had just spoken great thanks to her? Maybe his mask wasn't as thick as he assumed.

And then, out of the blue, Levi felt this line of connection between them. He knew that they felt what he was trying to say and do. They nodded at him and smiled even more. Levi swore their eyes shined, emanating happiness even though he didn't do nor speak a freaking thing. Their happy face brought back the memories of that brat smiling at him, his big green eyes sparkling in an almost blinding manner.

It was true that he had to figure what Hange meant when they mentioned Eren, but now was not the right time to think about the younger man. Maybe later.

''Um, Hange? How do your Saturday's plans look as of now?'' The words were out of his mouth before he even knew it.

''Huh?''

''How about I take you shopping? I mean, you _did_ say that I owe you a new blouse for the one you ruined fixing my _engine_.'' Levi put the emphasis on the word engine, replaying in his mind the stupid perverted joke Hange put in that silly letter.

It seemed Hange remembered the incident and laughed.

''Haha, I forgot about that. But true. I think we might actually be able to finish before afternoon this Saturday, so sure, I'd like that. I mean, it rarely, no, scratch that, it _never_ happens for you to ask me to go shopping with you.''

''I am not asking you to go shopping with me. I am proposing to go with you. I don't have anything I need to buy.''

''Doesn't matter. I'll grab the chance while it's there.''

It wasn't like Levi hated going shopping, he would go every now and then but shopping with Hange? That was a whole another story. He went once and he had Erwin to keep him company. And it still didn't help the issue all too much.

''And by the way – your stupid insinuating joke on that note – not funny.''

''Yeah, it was. It's just you that don't get it. Why? You think I wouldn't be able to get _your_ booty if I _wanted_ to?''

Levi was about to open his mouth to answer but Hange was the first to speak.

''Don't. Plus, the thought of you… – To Levi's shock, Hange outright shuddered with disgust! – No, in the end, I _do not_ want to go there; even in my head.'' The cringe on their face shocked Levi.

''Did you just fucking gag at the thought of me having sex?'' He stammered out with a small dose of anger. And then the look on their face was sly in an instant. Levi was slightly scared what answer he was about to receive.

''Nah, baby. I shudder at the thought of _me_ having sex with you. It's just… No. It's like thinking of doing the dirty with my own brother even though I don't have one. But the thought of you between the sheets with some sexy man… Mmmm, that's another story. Hmm, I wonder, do you top? Nah I bet you do better as a b…''

''Hange!'' Levi exclaimed and put a hand up, gesturing for them to stop.

He was in shock. He did not hear all that just leave their mouth. He did not. He would simply erase it out of his memory! This time Hange started laughing louder and attracting the attention of other people around them. Until now they both were speaking in a fairly quiet matter but by now Hange had burst out laughing. All Levi could think of was to walk away while rubbing his right temple. Leave it to Hange to change his mood in an instant.

Yet, before walking away to his office, he turned around one more time to face the laughing moron.

''So, this Saturday after work?''

Hange was only capable of a short nod in the fits of laughter that were coursing through their body. By then everyone was looking back and forth between an annoyed Levi and laughing Hange. He needed to get to his office in an instant.

He walked fast and barely managed not to slam the door behind. When he was safely behind it, away from everybody's eyes, he chuckled to himself. Stupid Hange. He covered his face with his right palm as he held in his laughter. Was it just him, or were his cheeks warmer than usual? He couldn't be blushing at Hange's stupid remarks, could he?

Unfortunately, his light mood didn't linger as hours went by. It was almost 9 p.m., and most of the guys already gone home. Still, Levi was currently in the meeting room with Hange, Petra, and Oluo, discussing work, and he couldn't stop himself from letting a sigh escape. It wasn't that the project wasn't going well. It was just the opposite. He was really proud of his employees but in the back of his mind a single thought lingered and it was annoying the hell out of him.

''Petra, could I ask you to make us some coffee?'' Hange asked, straightening in their seat, stretching their arms and legs. Levi swore he heard some bones crack in response.

''Of course!'' The petite woman was gone in an instant.

''I'll go help her!'' Oluo said and was out of the room just as fast.

And then Hange smiled. It was as if they knew this would happen. When the door closed they looked straight at Levi. Of course they were up to something and got rid of the other two on purpose.

''Would you freaking stop with all the sighing Levi?!'' Hange fumed.

''Huh?'' Levi was sure they wanted to talk about the matter from earlier.

''Don't 'huh' me. I know you don't like the guy and it's killing you that he's gonna be here soon but seriously? What are you? Five? Just freaking tell him outright that you're not interested in his wooing.'' Hange suggested, slumping back in their seat.

''Wooing? Who the fuck uses this word today? And I don't know what you're talking about.'' Levi added the last one in a hurry, although Hange wasn't fooled.

''Yeah, right. He's been hitting on you from day one and we both know it, Levi. I mean, I’m not surprised. You are good-looking and looking from a perspective of…''

''Haaa-nge…'' Levi wasn't too proud of how whiny that sounded.

''Right. Getting off the topic. Just tell him that you might be reading it wrong but it seems to you that he's sending you signals and you're not interested.'' Hange mumbled, a tired expression on their face.

''You think it's that simple?'' Levi barked back in annoyance.

''What? Don't tell me you _don't_ want him to stop hitting on you and you…'' Henge sat up in shock.

''Hell no!" Levi fumed. "He freaking annoys me out of my mind. Someone should explain to him what personal space is. So, you're saying I should just tell him outright I am not interested? Maybe it would be better…'' Levi smirked to himself at the thought of letting it all out and telling the guy to back off once and for all.

''Stop that.'' Hange protested. It was Levi's turn to 'huh' once more. ''Damn it. I forgot for a moment I was talking to you. I think I might be more tired than I presumed. On a second thought _do_ _not_ talk to Nile. If you do, when you would finish talking to him in your polite way, we can kiss this job goodbye. Anyway, I'll try to help you get out of this.''

''And how would you be able to do that?'' Levi questioned with eyebrows raised.

'That – I don't know just yet. I'll try to slip into the conversation that you have somebody already or something. Trust me.''

They had to finish talking because Petra had come back with Oluo right behind her, carrying the tray with coffee and grinning like an idiot, all proud of himself. Levi was somewhat slow when it came to social interaction but not _that_ blind not to see what his male employee was doing. He smiled at the thought of Oluo's silly courting but then he looked at the tray to find 5 cups of coffee instead of 4. And sure enough, Nile was after Oluo, walking right behind. When he saw Levi and they made eye contact he gave Levi a small smile. Levi did all he could to not shudder in response.

''Calm down. It's work.'' Hange whispered to him.

Levi could feel Hange's hand on his back, rubbing it in a calming manner. He didn't mind them touching him. It wasn't like he could help it. They were the touchy-groping type. He acknowledged his fate with Hange at his side some time ago. Accepting their touch came naturally soon afterward.

So he let their hand soothe him, put on a professional mask and after one last long sigh he walked towards his doom; that is, his _work._

 

 

* * *

 

 

What the hell was he thinking?! He knew he owed a little to Hange but what evil spirit came over him and made him invite them to go shopping? Didn't the last time dig into his memory hard enough? It seemed that the answer was no, otherwise he would have never, _ever_ offered this in the first place!

This Saturday they finished before the afternoon; the worst workload was behind them and now came the slower phase of the project. He should feel relaxed but no, after Saturday spent shopping with Hange there was no way he could feel rested.

He didn't get back home until late evening, masses of bags in hands that he didn't even need. How did that annoying human being manage to do this to him? Up to this moment, and it was Monday morning, Levi had no idea how he ended up with all these clothes.

His closet now stored three new pairs of fitted jeans, a sky blue button up with rolled up sleeves, a black turtleneck as well as a black hoodie, oversized if Levi had to be honest, but Hange said he looked _cute_ in one a size too big and refused to let him buy one that actually fitted him. He gagged at the memory of them stating he was _cute._ There was also a navy blue buttoned cardigan sweater, plain maroon and black square ties, black and charcoal vests, about a half a dozen random long and short sleeved t-shirts, a set of matching winter hat and scarf in dark blue and God only knows how many pairs of new boxers.

But the prized jewel on the ''how the hell did I end up with this'' list was a black leather jacket! And he didn't even wear those kinds of things! Of course, Hange had their arguments why it was _essential_ for him to own the jacket when they saw it in the store they were passing. According to them, he wasn't so old to dress smart all the time. In their opinion, he needed some ''cool clothes''. Throughout most of Sunday, Levi was wondering just when had they managed to persuade him into buying it all. Though he did have to admit, not that he would say any of that to Hange, he did like the jacket and the boots they picked to go with it. Simple, dark brown leather boots with laces at the front that went up to his calf. Levi just wasn't sure if those two pieces of clothing fit him.

Although he had to proudly say that he managed to put up a small fight. He succeeded in saying a definite no when Hange tried to make him buy a pair of converse shoes. No matter how you looked at it, he wasn't a teenager anymore and he couldn't picture himself in sneakers at his age. Back in the day, he actually loved converse, but that was around 10 years ago. Now, Levi was in his thirties, at work and eager to drink his second cup of coffee, eagerly welcoming the perfect silence that met him. in the empty office. Once again he was alone in the morning. It gave him the opportunity to go back to his routine of arranging the day's plan.

Levi was reveling in the smell of fresh coffee and silence but the oasis passed by fast. Others arrived soon enough as 8 a.m. neared and Hange was already standing in his office. He tried to ignore them but then they started tapping their foot with irritation. Better to get this over with as fast as possible.

''Yes, Hange?'' Levi didn't fail to pass a glare in their direction. Of course, they answered it with the smile of a dimwit.

''Well, dear Levi, I thought I would say it in the morning before getting to work. I wanted to talk about it on Saturday but got caught up a little in the shopping spree.'' Hange proclaimed, crossing their arms in front of their chest.

''Seriously? A _little?"_ Levi countered. "Have you any idea what trouble I had to go through to find a place for all the things you made me buy?''

''Oh, stop it, Levi." Hange snickered. "We both know you're so organized I bet you were finished in 15 minutes.''

''Organized – yes. Extra space – not so much. '' Levi grumbled.

''You would have if you'd put a…Never mind. This isn't what I wanted to talk about.''

''Then what is it?'' Levi sighed, putting his elbows on the desk and then resting his chin on his palms.

''Eren.'' Hange stated.

''Wha…?''

''What are you gonna do to repay him?'' Hange asked and gave him a reprimanding look, their foot resuming the earlier tapping.

''Oh, that.''

''Yeah, _that_.'' Hange quipped, their eyes furrowing harder.

''I don't know. I mean, I didn't have a chance _or_ strength this weekend because _somebody_ dragged me through every freaking store this city has.'' Levi snarled back.

Hange chuckled shyly, acting all innocent.

''You're kinda right. But the weekend is over, it's a whole new week and it doesn't seem like we have to stay overtime anymore so much so you better think of something. Treat that guy to a meal or a drink.'' Levi didn't miss the mother tone in their voice and was about to talk back but had no chance. After that sentence, Hange turned on their heel and left the office. Levi blinked stupidly while staring at the door. What the hell was up with this!

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

Levi started to forget what it was like to go somewhere in a slow manner. He glanced at his wrist watch. _Fuck you Nile!_ Why was the man so persistent? If he wanted Levi so much why couldn't he just go about it openly? Why couldn't he just hit on him directly? That way Levi could finally outright reject him and damn if he had fantasies how he would go about it too. Still, he doubted Hange would like any of them. So, because of the misfortune that the annoying man was also his client, Levi had to grin and bear it and was late at the hospital again.

Levi was already on the second floor, looking at his watch again as it read 8:11 p.m. when he suddenly bumped into somebody. He stumbled back and looked at the person in front of him.

So maybe he wasn't so unfortunate as he first thought? The person Levi was about to look for just stumbled into him. More technically, Levi was to one to walk into him, but these were the minor details. And then Levi comprehended what he was actually seeing and he could've sworn his heart skipped a beat and his throat went dry.

''Eren?! What the hell happened?'' Levi gasped.

Eren was standing in front of him in his nurse outfit, no stethoscope this time. But what was out of place was that he was covered in blood almost from head to toe. He had blood on his shirt, pants, even his neck, and also some on the left side of his face. When Levi looked over him, he noticed that both of his hands were smeared with crimson as well. Levi could smell the metallic scent of it and would cringe if it wasn't for the small fear as to what had happened to Eren.

But Levi didn't expect Eren to answer him with a faint smile.

''Oh my, Levi. I didn't get any of the blood on you, now did I?'' Eren said nonchalantly, looking Levi over.

''Forget that stupid. What happened?'' Levi stressed.

''Oh, right. Don't worry. It's nothing. Erwin is…'' Eren's voice was calm in a very calm way, kind of out of it and it rubbed Levi in a very wrong way.

''I am not asking about him, you moron. I am asking about you. Are you okay?'' Levi inquired again.

And then Eren started laughing. Levi just stood there, on the brink of stepping forward and shaking him for an answer.

''Oh, sorry. It's nothing. I just had to help with an operation that finished about 10 minutes ago. There was this big accident and because of the cold that's spreading lately we are understaffed. An aorta burst suddenly and I happened to be on the first line of the hit. The effects of it are before you.''

Levi let out a sigh of relief. Now that he knew Eren was alright he looked down to see if indeed, he didn't get any of the blood on himself. As far as he saw, he was clean.

''How about the patient?'' He looked back at Eren.

''What?'' Eren said confused.

''From the operation?" Levi added.

''Oh. Unfortunately…'' Eren faltered and looked sad all of a sudden, the light slowly leaving his eyes.

He looked away as he scratched the back of his neck with his bloodied up hand. It didn't take a genius to figure out the answer. Yet, what bothered Levi more was the dejected look on Eren's face. It didn't fit him at all. Levi preferred when Eren smiled like some idiot.

The silence didn't linger and Eren shook his head when he looked back at Levi once more. The small smile was back but the sorrow in the eyes lingered. Levi saw his emerald green eyes dim with grief.

''Anyway. Good, you didn't get any of the blood on your clothes. It's a pain to wash out. But you did get a little on your face.''

''Really? Where?''

''Oh, your forehead.''

Levi tried to make a movement to touch his forehead but before he knew it, Eren's hand was there, touching him. Levi froze, unsure what to do. He didn't even notice when Eren took those 2-3 steps and was in front of him. Levi's throat went dry once more and like always, he awaited the surge of anger because someone was breaking his personal space. It didn't come. He looked at Eren and saw the taller man's right cheek go red with blush. The other one was covered in blood.

And then Eren was quickly stepping back as if he had realized just now what he was actually doing.

''Oh, my. Sorry. I guess I forgot my hands are also covered in blood. I’m sorry. Disgusting, right? Anyway. There's only a little on your forehead. Because of the operation, I was not the one to take care of Erwin this evening so I can't tell you much. You better hurry before the visiting hours end. Now I better go clean up.''

Levi didn't even have a chance to answer Eren's sudden and quick chatter. He was gone in an instant.

Levi figured Eren wanted to clean up quick and didn't ponder too much. He put his hand to his forehead, feeling for blood.

He walked to Erwin's room, his mind blank. How long has it been since Levi saw him?

There was so much chaos in his life lately he didn't have much time to even think about Erwin and it pained him. He felt guilty.

For getting wrapped in the speed of it all, for not coming over, for not having time, for letting his mind forget about the most important person in his life. He felt guilty for living while Erwin couldn't.

But aren't these the kind of thoughts that were making his existence miserable? Just like Hange insinuated couple days prior, wasn't this what they meant when they said that he shouldn't be putting himself down? He wasn't doing anything wrong, was he?

Nevertheless, pain sprang to his heart when he walked into the room. Erwin was like always –  motionless and unmoving. Levi hoped every day that something would change. His feeling always the same, the routine of each day weighing him down. So maybe the time to start living again has arrived. Maybe it was due to end the suffering of living in this limbo?

Yet, how was he supposed to make the decision when the right time to start moving on has come? Who could state that after x-amount of years or months, it was okay to move on? It wasn't as if Levi was planning to leave Erwin to himself. No. That would never happen, but even he knew he should do something about the way he was living. No matter what, Hange was right – Erwin would be extremely mad when he'd hear what Levi had been doing so far.

But realizing it didn't mean it made it easier for Levi. He’d never had an easy life; the time of calamity ended only after meeting Erwin. Levi had learned how to live a somewhat 'normal' life from Erwin, so how was Levi to go about it without him in it now? How do you live a simple and good life without chaos, drama, and angst? It's not like he could ask Hange about it, they wouldn't understand. Levi sometimes thought that no one besides Erwin would understand him. And it wasn't like Levi allowed anyone close enough to even let them try.

Levi walked up to Erwin's bed and put his bag on the chair standing beside it. He tiptoed a little, put his hands on both sides of the bed and hovered over Erwin for a moment to look at his face. He looked so peaceful and calm. Why couldn't he wake up? Why couldn't things go back to normal? Why did Levi have to go through this torture?

''Hi, buddy. Sorry I didn't come over for so long. Been busy. But I know there's a really good guy taking care of you so I didn't worry this time.''

Levi felt moisture in his eyes but blinked it away as he leaned down. He lowered his head and his face hovered centimeters away from Erwin's. With a sad smile, he placed a light peck on his lover's lips. The immobility of the kiss hurt but the simple yet intimate touch warmed Levi inside.

He didn't have much time for his visit so, after washing his face in the attached bathroom, Levi simply sat in the silence and enjoyed the time of tranquility and rest. He didn't really think about anything and just sat there, stared through the window, gazed at Erwin and let everything sink in.

Soon the 9 p.m. came and he left the room. He did nothing whatsoever during this visit – just sat in the chair - but that didn't matter. Levi felt calmer and more at peace after seeing Erwin's face. With his batteries recharged he went looking for one semi-annoying chirpy brat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the longer wait; this time I have nothing in my defense, I humbly ask for forgivness and hope you enjoyed it ^_^
> 
> Oh, and I almost forgot! - Thanks to my lovely beta-reader for the chapter title idea! I was tiny stuck with this one.  
> Thank you luv!!!!


	6. An Invitation

Eren leaned over the sink, his fists gripping its sides firmly as he looked at his reflection. Grotesque barely summed up his appearance. He looked as if he just butchered someone. And why the hell did he have blood on his left cheek? Shouldn't the mask protect him from it when the aorta burst? And then he remembered tearing it off his face in frustration when it turned out the patient didn't make it.

He didn't know what he felt at that moment. So many feeling were roaming his mind. He was only a nurse and even tough his part also mattered it couldn't compare to that of a doctor. Still, he felt as if he failed that poor woman somehow. At moments like that he remembered why he chose to become a nurse instead of a doctor.

It wasn't about his lack of confidence that he would be able to pull through medical school. He just couldn't picture himself dealing with his feelings each time he'd loose a patient. He doubted he would be able to handle the pressure of having someone's life in his hands.

But Eren's anger at this precise moment was not at his helplessness. He was furious with _himself_ and it showed. He could be this mad only at his own person.

What exactly was he doing? Didn't Armin say he had about three choices how to go about his ''Levi situation''? Eren still replayed his conversation from the evening they met, a day after Eren's meal with Levi at the diner.

_''Ok. If you're finished telling me everything I can only say this Eren. In my opinion you have about two ways to go about this. One – you could pull away, leave him alone. Go back to your ''stranger status'' but from what I see, how you talk about him I don't think you want that. So there's a two – you could make friends with him if he lets you but nothing more. This man, Levi, from what I see already has quite a lot on his plate. So who knows? Maybe he needs a friend? And of course there's a third choice.''_

_''But you said you see only two.'' Eren said as he lay on his stomach on Armin's bed. Armin's rat was nuzzling his tiny snout under his chin, trying to go under his t-shirt. Eren smiled and picked the animal up in both of his hands. He turned around, laid on his back, pillow under his head. Eren put Bean, as that was rat's **oh** **so** **original** name given by Armin, on his stomach and covered it with his beanie that he took off earlier. Bean still didn't feel satisfied with this state and crawled out from under it just to go inside the hat. Only his long and hairless tail was sticking out._

_''Your rat is a warmth whore.'' He said to Armin who was sitting on a pouf next to the coffee table where their food and beer were._

_''Nah. He's an 'Eren-whore'. I swear he goes berserk when he sees you. I gotta say, I feel jealous sometimes.''_

_''Oh stop it. We both know this rodent is your pet through and through. I still remember how he freaking jumped at me when we were wrestling over that last can of beer. I have a scar on my finger where he bit me. But we wondered off the topic. So the third choice?''_

_''It's not as much of a choice but more of an option. In my opinion... ah I simply just wouldn't choose it but the decision is up to you.''_

_''Well?''_

_''You can always try to win him over. Ask him out and court him so to speak.''_

_''But Armin, I told you about his boyfriend didn't I?''_

_''Yes. That would be a shitty thing to do but it's still an option no matter how you look at it.''_

_''I would be a dick to do something like that while the other side can't even fight.''_

_''I know Eren. But I think you figured out your options even before meeting me. So now, why are you **really** here? You know I never tell you what you should do. The decision is up to you. If you want me to tell you that the third course of action is ok then…''_

_''No. I know! Grr it's just…I think I needed to hear all of it out loud. But it didn't help much.''_

_''So, what **are** you going to do?''_

_''As you said – I don't think I want to end it while it still didn't even start. I had way too much fun talking to him that evening. I think I'll try to get to know him on only friend base.''_

_''But can you? In my opinion you have quite a crush on the guy.''_

_''As you said – it's a crush. He's off limits so he's off limits. That's all there's to it. He's sexy and oh so handsome that's true. But so is Jean or Marco and I don't feel like hitting on them.''_

_''But it's different Eren. They're your friends already. And you've known Jean for a really long time.''_

_''But I met Marco first didn't I? And I said nothing when Jean showed a whole lot of interest in him right? And I would be lying if I said that Marco didn't catch my attention also by his handsome looks and those god damn cute freckles.''_

_''Don't let Jean hear you say any of that.'' Armin chuckled as he said it._

_''True, I'd be halfway to kingdom come by now if he did. But now Marco's a friend and so will be Levi if I can manage. I really want to get to know him Armin. – Bean decided that he was warm enough, came out the beanie and walked up to Eren's face. He put his snout to his mouth and started to tickle it with his whiskers - Just because he cannot be a boyfriend material it doesn't mean I have to give up, right?''_

So what the hell was he doing touching Levi like that? No one would be stupid enough not to catch the slight signals sent by that gesture.

But Eren's hand was on Levi's head before he even knew it, before he could even stop himself. And he saw the shock on Levi's face. Eren saw that he crossed some kind of boundary that he shouldn't have. He had the tendency to forget that some people didn't like when others got close to them. Levi looked like he was one of those people.

So what did Eren do to cover up his mistake of action? He ran of course. And now he was in the bathroom, looking like a victim from some cheap horror movie. And there was another slip up approaching as well.

He was gripping the sink with such force now and he couldn't help it. Why couldn't he get it under control? Why was his resolve slipping again? Because of the ''punishment'' and his hectic overtime he couldn't go over to Mikasa and let off some steam.

But if he went there she would ask questions. And a whole lot of them too if he knew her. What could he say? Hey, Mikasa. I came here to let off some steam, you know why. Oh, why am I mad at myself? Oh, nothing much. Got a crush on a man that's taken but I still decided I'd like to get to know him; relationship included or not. Oh, and about two weeks ago I punched a wall so I guess you should restart the count.

Somehow Eren couldn't picture Mikasa taking any of these facts lightly. But he couldn't put off the visit at Mikasa's place much longer. Maybe he could somehow convince her he just felt like working out a little. Why did it feel like it would not be that easy?

But that was tomorrow's problem. Now he really had to calm down. He had someone else's blood all over himself. If he didn't breathe, calm himself and start punching walls again it wouldn't be good. Shower. That's what he needed right now. Long and cold shower to soothe his nerves.

When Eren stripped off his clothes, threw them into trash and stepped under the flowing water he felt a whole lot better. What was happening to him lately? Why couldn't he keep it together? He thought he was past that phase, he thought he had this freaking problem behind him already. Was he only lying to himself and the anger would always be there, just waiting for some excuse to surface?

When he stepped out, put on a second set of work clothes and somewhat dried his hair, Eren felt somewhat better. He just had to remember that Levi was taken. There were no other circumstances. He had a partner and he was off limits. That was all there was to it. No ''buts''. Plain and simple.

Eren's resolve was back and he was calm once more. He can do it, he was sure of it.

It wasn't like he could predict what would happen the moment he came out of the bathroom.

 

~*~

 

Levi looked and looked but he simply couldn't find Eren. There was no other way. He walked up to the desk and waited until the lady behind finished typing on her computer. When she looked up and saw him she smiled a very wide grin. Was he missing something? Oh, well.

''Um excuse me. I was wondering if you could help me with something. I was looking for a nurse, Eren? I don't know last name and…''

''Oh of course. I think Eren went to employees bathroom to take a shower. He got really dirty at today's operation. If you want to meet him when he comes out, the bathroom is on the other end of this corridor on the right. But please, wait outside.''

''Oh, of course. It's for personnel so it's a given.''

The lady smiled even wider.

''Right. But if he doesn't come out before 9pm I'd rather you leave because…''

''Don't worry. I won't make that mistake again. Thank you.''

Levi walked where the lady pointed him and sure enough there was a sign of a bathroom for employees. He was about to walk away from the door and sit on the chair but the door opened suddenly. And the person he was looking for was standing in the threshold. Levi was caught off guard with this sudden turn of events.

Eren was standing in front of him; he was once more a lot closer than he let people approach him. And then Levi was hit with the smell of his shampoo or soap. It smelled fresh and fragrant. Levi couldn't help himself breathing deeper, taking in more of Eren's scent. He suddenly realized what he had done and took a step back to look at the taller man. Did Eren see what he just did?

Levi looked at Eren and noticed that his hair was still damp, small drops of water on his neck glittered in the light.

''Levi?''

He was pulled back from his observation.

''Oh, Eren. I was looking for you.''

''You were? Why? Did I do… is it something about Erwin? I think I said that today I …''

''No, no. It's not about Erwin. Well not directly. I.. well. I wanted to ask you something. Well…''

''Just a second, could I leave the bathroom first?''

''Oh, right. It's almost 9 so maybe it would be better if I started walking out slowly. I do not want to get you into trouble again.''

''Heh. True. Let's go.''

Levi suddenly did not know what exactly he wanted to say to Eren. How do you show appreciation to people? What could he do for Eren? They walked in silence down the stairs. Did Eren see his loss of words and gave him time?

They were almost at the exit when Levi stopped and waited for Eren to look at him.

''How about having dinner with me?''

Eren's face could only be described as in utter shock.

''I think I should… No. That's wrong. I want to pay you back for what you did for me these past two weeks. I mean about writing messages about Erwin, even though there wasn't much to write about, you still pulled through and kept your word. I know it might've been quite mundane and …''

''Of course not!''

Now it was Levi's turn for shock.

''I mean, I really enjoyed chatting with you. It was really entertaining.''

''Are you making fun of me?''

''What? No! But it was little funny how you got mad at my writing.''

''Brat. I knew you were doing this on purpose, weren't you?''

Eren only smiled.

''Don't give me that fake innocence.''

Levi tried to be mad but he knew his small grin was breaking through. He wouldn't fool anyone, he looked anything but annoyed. Why that brat's cheekiness did not piss him off? On contrary, it entertained the hell out of him.

''Anyway. Will you?''

''Oh, you don't have to go through the trouble. I really did not do that to get something back.''

''I know. And it's not trouble. So will you or not?''

That was so Levi's style of asking someone to dinner. Even he felt he was doing something wrong at the moment. But of course Eren reacted with laugh.

''That is so original. But yes, I'd like that. It's not needed but I'll take you up on your offer.''

''So when? Are you back from your work excile?''

''Come on, it wasn't that bad. But this Thursday is the last day. I will finish earlier on this Friday and have the weekend off.''

''So Friday then? What time do you finish?''

''I think it would be around 7?''

''Good. I'll come over here?''

''Alright!''

''Stop grinning so bad. It's just a free meal you dork. I better go now. That security guard has been eyeing me for some time now. So see you tomorrow; my job let off a little so I think I'll visit Erwin more now.''

Levi walked out of the hospital, glancing at the guard once more. Why was he smiling at him all of a sudden? Oh well. Some people were just weird.

 

~*~

 

''Hahahahahahahahhaha, oh my god, hahaha you're hahahaha the best Levi! You … just hahahahaha…''

And so the laughter continued while Levi stared at her. Is this person really his right hand in this firm? How is that even possible? He let out a long sigh and put his chin on the palm of his upright hand. With his elbow on the desk he looked at Hanji who was sitting on the other side. She has been laughing for good two-three minutes non stop. He just told her what happened on Tuesday with Eren. Of course it wasn't out of choice. She pestered and pestered so he finally gave in. but he couldn't exactly pinpoint what was so hilarious in his story.

Hanji was taking in deeper breaths so it seemed she might be done with her fit soon. When she looked up at him once more, her eyes were sparkling with tears.

''Only you could pull something like that off Levi, only you, I swear.''

''What the hell are you talking about?''

''And you don't even realize it? That's even better! I think Eren is one of the few people on this planet who know how to handle your shit. I am talking about – here Hanji changed her tone of voice to deeper one; was she trying to imitate him? – 'So will you or not?' I swear, how Eren did not tell you to go to hell but on contrary – he agreed – I cannot comprehend.''

''Oh, you're talking about that. True. It was kind of rude. But he started pissing me off with all the humble mumbling and those freaking eyes… Never mind. I asked him, he said yes. End of the story. I told you, now go away you annoying woman. It's Friday already and today I _have_ to leave early no matter what.''

''Oooo, so it's today?''

''Yeah, were you even listening?''

''Mm after that 'will you or not' not so much. So, where are you taking him on this date?''

''It's not a freaking date you moron. I thought… – Levi looked at Hanji, smiling like a moron that she was, sitting on the edge of the seat in anticipation for more information – ugh. It's useless arguing with you. I thought I'd take him to Mike's place. Somehow I cannot picture Eren in some fancy restaurant.''

''Aaaa! It's perfect. Why didn't I think of that! I …''

''Don't.'' Was all Levi said as a reaction to Hanji's face. There was mischief written all over it.

''Huh?''

''If you call Mike I swear, and I am not joking this time woman, I swear I _will_ fire you.''

Levi swore she changed her face expression in an instant. Now she looked like a kid after getting the news that Christmas was cancelled. So he was right in his presumption on what she wanted to do the moment she'd leave his office. The last thing he needed was Mike hovering over him the whole night.

He was in a spot as it was. Yesterday they finished on clock and Levi went home. He decided he wouldn't go to the hospital even though he had time. Hanji was right; he couldn't spend every waking hour there. So he spent the evening in leisure. He cleaned to relax after work a little took a long warm bath and made himself dinner. After cleaning, cooking was the next thing he enjoyed and something that he felt relaxed doing. No hurry, no pressure; he spent good 30minutes longer than usually preparing his meal but it didn't matter. He simply enjoyed his free time. Not that he didn't think about giving in and going to the hospital. That thought went through his mind couple of times before 9pm arrived. It wouldn't be so easy to change his routine.

When Levi was lying in his bed, lights out already and almost half asleep a random thought popped up. What was he supposed to talk with Eren about tomorrow? Were they to eat their meal and the ''debt'' would be paid off? How did they go about it last time at the diner? Right, it was Eren that did most of the talking. Levi chuckled as he remembered the never ending ranting of the younger man. Still, he felt a little nervous and unsure. When they went to the diner it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. Now, he had too much time to think about it.

Levi groaned when no matter how much time he spent thinking about it the answer didn't come. It was useless, better to go to sleep. He lay on his side and looked at the other side of the bed, painfully unoccupied. He put his palm on the empty space and pondered that even after three years he still slept on his side of the bed.

Levi shook his head and came back to the present moment. He still had no idea how the evening would go and Hanji's pestering and plotting was not helping.

''So again, please leave and get back to work. I leave at 5. You should finish by 6 but if anything goes on longer I leave it in your hands. And if Nile comes in just say I am out and out of reach. Hell, just fucking tell him I went to Helsinki or Timbuktu for all I care. – Hanji chuckled as she got up. – On a second thought – tell him that I _am_ on a date.''

''Leeeevi.'' Now it was Hanji with a reprimanding tone.

''What? Even you claim it to be a date even though I keep telling you that it's not.''

''Whatever. But now on more of a serious tone – Levi raised his eyebrows so high they almost disappeared behind his fringe – Yes, I can be serious. But I don't like it. Anyway – I hope you have a good time and if you happen to see Mike – I promise I won't call him but you know it _is_ his restaurant so he might be there – just say hi to him from me. Now off I go. My boss is pestering me to do some actual work.''

After a wide grin she hopped off to the door. Levi shook his head. She was already gripping the handle when Levi called her one more time.

''Hanji?''

''What is it? I think I promised I wouldn't call Mike so…''

''No. That's not it. The dress. You look really nice in it.''

And that's when the unthinkable happened. Hanji was speechless as she blushed.

''Thank you. – She mumbled – It's the one you helped me pick last Saturday.''

It was actually more of a skirt. It had a high waist that ended right under Hanji's breast with suspenders and decorative buttons in the front. It was tight, downwardlytapered and ended above the knee. Hanji put it on a simple, white sleeveless tank top.

''I know. Now back to work.''

After mumbling another 'thank you' she left. Levi felt triumphant for leaving her speechless. But he was honest. She looked really nice today, she always did. Not that he's ever said it to her. So why today? Oh well, the compliment was worth the look on her face.

Three more hours and he could leave. Home, shower, change and get Eren. But now – work.

 

~*~

 

Levi was sitting in the chair on the corridor and waiting for Eren. He just came out or Erwin's room, he just couldn't help but come half an hour earlier than the time he was supposed to meet Eren. He still didn't see the younger man and wasn't even sure if he was in the right place. They didn't actually pin point the spot where he was supposed be waiting.

Levi looked around and returned lady's smile with a courteous nod. The clock read that Eren still had 5 more minutes. Levi bent down to fix his boots' shoelace and when he looked up Eren was walking up to him. Only one word could describe his state – chaos.

His hair was a mess, his clothes were dirty but not with blood this time and Eren seemed to be out of breath as well. He rushed up to Levi who got up.

''Oh my god Levi, I am really sorry.''

''Why? You're not late or anything. Though you look like you went through some hell.''

''You're not too far from the truth. I had to help out again a little. But I went through hell with this 5 year old. I think I have everything that we tried to either inject her with or put on her on my clothes.''

''Gruesome.''

Eren chuckled.

''What, you don't like kids?''

''I think it's more of a _mutual_ dislike.''

''I bet you're exaggerating. But there's also another thing…''

''You can't come? You have to stay overtime?''

''What? No! Um…it's kind of embarrassing, but I overslept today and well I didn't take any clothes to change and because of this last case with the 5 year old I had no chance to shower either.''

''So you want a rain-check?''

''No, I don't. I was actually thinking, if it wouldn't be a problem, we could stop by my place? It's like a 5 minute walk from here. It's close that's why I ran to work already in my uniform and jacket. I'd take a quick shower and change but if you don't have time or don't…''

''Sure. Let's go. But seriously? Who oversleeps to work at your age?''

''Hey! Gimme a minute, I'll just get my jacket.''

Eren was saying the truth; the walk to his apartment didn't take longer than 5 minutes. But only when standing in front of a 3 story building Levi realized he was going to intrude on someone else's place. He didn't even remember the last time he came over to someone and a person he barely knew as well. At times like this, he realized how closed off he was in his own bubble, his comfort zone.

They went up stairs to the second floor. They didn't say much on the way here but once more Levi didn't mind. Though he wasn't sure if Eren felt comfortable with the silence. Levi noticed his hands were shacking a little when he was fighting to open the lock. When Eren finally opened the door he let Levi come in first.

Levi was faced quite a specious apartment. On his right was a set of sliding, double doors in deep brown color, on his left was a set of single door in the same shade. Straight ahead, deeper inside, he could see a black leather couch with a large coffee table in front and two poufs on either side. It had to be some kind of living room.

''Come on in. Here's the living room, you can sit on the couch if you want or the poufs if you prefer. – Levi followed Eren deeper inside the apartment. – Sorry for the little chaos on the dining table but I overslept and had to leave everything as was.''

Indeed, on a large dining table, with set of four chairs on the sides and the two at the head, that was in the same shade as the doors Levi could catch a glimpse what seemed to be an empty bowl and a cup. There was a cartoon of orange juice, a box of cereal and half eaten toast. There was no wall separating the living and the dining room, only indication of the room change was the sofa's back that was facing the big table.

As Levi walked more inside he saw a kitchen segment on the left side of the dining room that was separated by a kitchen bar with two stools standing next to it. The kitchen was quite large and spacious and held a double fridge at the end. Next to it there were doors that Levi figured were the ones he saw in the threshold. You could enter the kitchen either through the doors right next to the entrance or through the dining room. The apartment was comfortably large and smoothly changed rooms without unnecessary amount of walls.

Levi suddenly realized he was looking around while Eren stared at him. He somehow felt as if he got caught in the act of doing something he shouldn't. He usually wasn't the snoopy type but the curiosity got the best of him. He was also somewhat surprised how clean, disregarding the chaos on the dining table, Eren's flat was.

He looked at Eren who was patiently waiting for him to finish with his ''sight seeing''.

''Oh, sorry. You got a nice flat here. It's quite large. I am surprised a little. You can afford this on nurse's salary? Damn it. I shouldn't have asked.''

''Haha. No. It's ok. You're not the first to ask me that. But I actually own this place.''

''You do?''

''There were some circumstances and with a little of my parents' help I was able to buy it. Though I am still paying down the loan. Just not to the bank. To my parents. Anyway. I am going to take really quick shower in my bedroom's bathroom you make yourself comfortable. Really. Feel free to take anything you want from the fridge. Though I don't think there's much. I do shopping on Saturdays. If you need to use the bathroom, the second one is on left from the front door. The door right next to the kitchen door and the small closet that you see there. I promise I'll be quick.''

After that Eren walked to the double sliding door and walked inside. So that was his bedroom. Levi was about to walk to the kitchen, maybe take Eren up on his offer and grab something to drink when he heard thudding from behind. He turned around confused and what he saw made him almost jump out of his skin.

Towards him, with small 'thudum-thudum' with each step, was running the biggest dog he'd ever seen in his life. He stood there, frozen, his back almost against the L shaped wall that separated the kitchen and the hallway. In matter of seconds, before Levi could let out any sort of sound the black beast was at his feet. In an instant Levi was pinned against the wall, the dog up on his back legs and his front paws on Levi's shoulder.

If the dog looked big on all fours, he was humongous on his two back legs. His huge muzzle was on the level with Levi's face. He was staring deep into his eyes with the pair of his own deep brown ones. Levi wasn't even sure he was breathing as he tried to call Eren. But he didn't have a chance as he heard the mentioned man scream.

''Titan! No!''

Soon Eren was in the room and pulling the dog's collar and away from Levi.

He didn't move and just stared at the black beast. After he remembered how to breathe he looked at Eren.

''What the hell is this?''

''Oh my god, Levi. I am so sorry. I totally forgot he was here. He must've been asleep in the living room when we came in, though he usually wakes up when I get back.''

Levi wasn't sure if he registered what Eren was saying.

''You didn't answer my question. What the hell is this?''

This time he pointed to the dog that was standing next to Eren and looking at him intensely. Most of the shock was gone and Levi noticed the dog's tail wagging fiercely, his huge tongue hanging as he breathed. Eren was still holding his red collar that contrasted with its ebony black fur.

''This is my dog. His name is Titan. And before you say anything, I swear on my grandma's grave he wouldn't have hurt you. This is just how he reacts to people. I'm really really sorry Levi. I …''

''Oh would you stop it already?''

''You sure? I saw you were quite scared when Titan…''

''Who wouldn't be? He's a fucking cow not a dog. You sure it doesn't have some bear blood in those veins? What breed is it anyway. It's the first time I see such big ass dog.''

The tension was gone and Eren chuckled in response.

''I am sure it's a dog. He's a Great Dane. Pure breed if my vet is correct in his assumption.''

''You got a dog and you don't know?''

''I actually found him when he was a puppy. He was abandoned on the street near my apartment. ''

''So why the name?''

''Haha, it's the greatest irony of it all. He was so tiny when he was a puppy. We weren't even sure he'd pull through. But when he did I figured he was brave little pup and named him Titan. Who'd figure he would grow up to be one actually. Marco, that's his vet, says his breed is big but Titan is above average. Titan, calm down already!''

For last couple of minutes, Levi noticed that the dog was trying to get away from its owner, nearing more and more to Levi's pants. Levi wasn't sure how he felt about that huge muzzle near him. He wasn't a pet person but then again – it wasn't like he ever had a pet. But what was that never ending waging of the tail, the quick breathing and the sparkle in the dog's eyes? Those happy eyes so reminded him of someone. He wondered who.

''Oh, let him go. If you claim he won't hurt me then he won't, right?''

''Sure?''

Levi nodded.

Eren let the dog go and instantly he was next to Levi.

''Titan – stay down.'' Was all Eren said. The dog obediently listened and didn't jump up again.

Levi looked down at the dog as he sniffed and sniffed his pants. When he seemed to be satisfied and finished he looked up at Levi. He wagged its tail and sat down. He wasn't exactly pinned against the wall anymore but still didn't have much movement either. And the dog just sat there. He looked up at Eren confused. The freaking brat was holding his laughter in again.

''He wants you to pet him. That's how he asks. He will not move a muscle until you do.''

Levi looked down at the dog again. He wasn't all too comfortable at the thought of petting the dog. And even worse – what if the dog licked him? But those eyes, those damn puppy eyes were breaking through his barrier. When he saw the pleading look in those black orbs in an instant he remembered the one time when Eren was pleading him to meet with him, to sort out the misunderstanding.

And just like he did back then with Eren, he caved in as well with the dog.

Its fur was smooth and nice to the touch. Levi feared the dog to be dirty but he felt no dust on his hand. And when he looked at the dog's face again he saw pure satisfaction and joy. A grin broke through Levi's face as he saw that the dog let his tongue dangle once more when Levi's fingers wondered to the back of one of its long, pointy ears. Its hind leg started to thump on the floor as Levi scratched harder.

''Can I leave you two now? You sure you don't mind him? I can lock him in my bedroom if you want.''

''Nah. No need.''

Levi straightened up and retrieved his hand. The sad look in dog's eyes at the stop of the petting almost pierced through his heart. When did he start to care about such stupid things?

''Go ahead. Shower quickly. I actually made a reservation.''

''Oh, you did? Alright. I'll be right out.''

When Eren was gone, Levi walked to the living room and sat on the couch. The dog was only one step behind. He sat next to him on the floor and put his snout on top of the sofa.

''You really are an attention whore.'' Still, he put his hand on top of its head and lazily scratched the big beast.

When Eren came out about 15 minutes later, the dog was practically sleeping while sitting up.

''I see you won him over. Anyway. I am ready. Is this ok where we're going?''

Eren was wearing tight, navy blue jeans that were tucked into black boots that went above his ankle and were tied messily. Ha had a black long sleeved shirt with a V neck cut, some kind of long chained necklace that stopped in the middle of his chest, and a light charcoal suit jacket with its sleeves rolled up. His hair was messy in somewhat organized manner as always. Even from his seat on the couch Levi could smell a very subtle but attractive scent of aftershave.

Levi looked him over one time more than he should have and after a faint gulp he spoke.

''You look good. It's ok. We can go.''

Without another word he got up, made sure not to step on the dog's tail and walked up to the front door. He had to hide from Eren his warm cheeks that he just knew were a slight shade of pink. It wasn't like he could tell him he looked better than 'good'. He didn't look at the younger man as he walked by so he hadn't had the chance to see that Eren's cheeks were in the same shade of pink as his.

 

* * *

 

 

For those who might not know, here's a pic of the breed of Eren's dog.  
[Link](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8b/Great_Dane_black_laying.jpg)


	7. Dinner and desserts

Seriously, did this man really didn't own any shirt that did not have a fucking huge cut in and actually covered his neckline? Ok, so maybe fucking huge was a little overstatement. It was a normal sky blue button up and Levi left first two buttons undone. Just like the last time when they were at the diner. It still was a pure torture to Eren. He couldn't help himself, no matter what he tried to distract himself with his eyes kept wondering back to those collarbones. And he didn't even have a collarbone fetish! At least he didn't think he did. Now, as Eren sat across from Levi, who was immersed in reading the menu, he was starting to wonder if he found his ''thing''.

No! He refused to think this. He did not and could not have a thing, especially for Levi. Neither a collarbone thing nor any kind of thing.

But those bones looked so perfect, and the pale white skin that covered them looked simply magnificent. Skin that looked healthy white and Eren was wondering if not only did it look like porcelain but if it also felt like one too. Was it delicate to the touch just like Eren imagined it to be?

Yeager! Get it together! Friend! Taken!

Right. But those bones were really tempting if he had to say anything to his defense. Anyone would be tempted to touch, to caress, to lick, to bite and s… Stop!

Eren shook his head discreetly but his eyes still wondered over the menu he held in his hands. Levi's forearms were uncovered as he had his sleeves rolled up in a neat way. Eren didn't see it before when had his thigh length coat on. It matched really well with his black pants and dark brown boots. Over all it was a very good look on Levi if he was to be a judge. As always as Eren has seen him – neat but not strict smart. The two buttons undone on the shirt were a proof of that.

It was almost the end of September and the nights were starting to get really chilly so the coat was a natural choice for this weather. Eren's suit jacket? Not so much. Eren was really glad when it turned out they were headed to a restaurant that was 15minutes walk away from his apartment. He wasn't one to get chilly easily but a longer walk would not be too good of an idea. Especially with the nasty cold that was going around.

When they stopped in front of the restaurant Eren was quite surprised. It was a simple place, nothing fancy but really popular. It was a bit hard to get a reservation in the evening so Eren wondered a little what kind of work Levi did to get a table here in matter of days. One might be surprised that such a simple place, with normal prices that even Eren could afford on his nurse's salary, was so difficult to get into.

The answer was simple – the food. Eren and his friends had the luck to be here once on Mikasa's birthday and the food was out of this world.

Eren came back with his thoughts to the present and started to actually read the menu. Bit by bit he was getting over the first shock of seeing Levi in these clothes and was coming back behind the wall of his resolve. He really needed to get it together. The last thing he could allow himself was to react this way every single time he sees Levi in a new outfit, formal or not. If he couldn't control his stupid, purely physical urges there was no point to this whatsoever.

He wouldn't be honest neither with himself nor with Levi when stating that he wanted to keep in contact and be friends when behind the curtains, in his mind he was almost undressing Levi with his eyes. That was not a way to gain anyone's trust if he would keep a hidden agenda. He would hate to be treated that way so there was no way he would do so to Levi. So after a big gulp of water and mental resolve back in one hundred percent he started to re-read the menu.

Soon, would've been sooner if Eren didn't spend first ten minutes gazing at Levi, the waiter took their menus away, their orders noted down on his pad.

So there they were, across from each other, looking at each other and neither one speaking a word. Eren hated silence most of the time and this one was annoying as ever. Especially as he had so many questions he wanted to ask Levi. So after a mental kick or two he got his words together and out of his mouth.

''So, what do you do?''

''What do you mean?''

''I mean work. You know what I do, obviously.''

''Cheeky as always. I own a small design firm.''

''Design? What kind?''

''Well anything really. From fancy wedding invitations, perfume bottles, the exterior look of lines of cosmetics, to web design I hope soon enough. I don't like to limit my horizons plus my employees have a wide range of talents.''

''Oooo, you're boasting about your people but not your firm. That says a lot you know? And what do you mean you hope about web design?''

''Still didn't find good enough IT spec. The one we have is good with programs and all but still need someone else. And I was not boasting for your information, brat.''

''You keep calling me a brat but I am only 5 years younger than you. It's not that much.''

''Six.''

''What?''

''You're six years younger. You're 27 and I am 32 but only still.''

''Oh, so your b-day didn't come yet? So when is it?''

''Really? I am not telling you that. Plus, I hate my birthday.''

''Why? You're not at the age yet to hate it.''

''I just don't see any reason to be all merry about it. It's a day like any other. No reason to be excessively happy about it.''

''Oh, don't be a grumpy old man Levi, it doesn't suit you.''

Levi raised his left eyebrow in a 'are you serious' gesture and just looked at Eren. Eren chuckled in response.

''Anyway, tell me your secret.''

''My  _secret?_ ''

''Yeah, who did you have to kill to get a table here in such a short time. It's doable; it's not a 5 star restaurant but this fast? Impossible.''

''Heh. And here I thought you were going to start asking me about how I stay so sexy at this age. – This time Eren gave Levi 'are you serious' look but his included a smile at the end. – It's really nothing noble prize worth. My friend owns this place.''

''You're kidding!''

''Nah, I am serious and too bad also. I actually had to go little lengths so he wouldn't know about my reservation tonight.''

''Why? You don't like him or something?''

''Hmm, good question. I don't know myself. – Eren felt a joking tone in that answer. – Plus he has this freaking fetish and I bet if he'd see you here… Anyway he can be a tad annoying and…''

''Now that Levi, is outright cruel of you to say. You know words hurt more than punches?''

Eren jumped a little in his seat at the sudden interruption and looked up towards the source of the voice. The one speaking was a blond man, with a beard and moustache neatly trimmed. He was wearing a simple black suit and a dark green shirt with no tie. But that wasn't what caught Eren's attention. He was outright huge! If Eren had to guess he would say around 2 meters tall. From his seat at the table the blond man felt like a giant approaching.

Levi also turned around after hearing him speak. When he saw him, Eren clearly heard Levi groan. He turned back around and spoke more to himself than to Eren.

''Oh, no.''

''Come on Levi! – The man was almost at their table and had a smug plastered to his face. – Aren't you happy to see me?''

''Should I be honest or nice. On second thought – I don't do nice.''

''Good old Levi! – Now, the man was already at the table and with a quiet ''thud'' placed his large left hand on Levi's shoulder. – Always so courteous! But never mind that. Who do we have here?''

And then, while Eren watched and as if he wasn't confused enough about this situation, the blond man leaned slightly over Levi and took a huge whiff of the air with his large nose. All Eren was capable of was to look and blink stupidly.

''Stop that you ass! This isn't your kitchen. Smell food and not people, would you?!''

Levi put his, rather small in comparison, hand on the man's face and shoved it back. The man stood up straight put kept his hand on Levi's shoulder. Eren was certain he would be mad at Levi’s less than pleasant gesture but he chuckled instead.

''And this here is Eren if you really have to know. He's Erwin's nurse.'' Levi almost growled in response.

''Oh, so that's why I smelled antiseptics. Hi Eren, I'm Mike Zacharius. But just call me Mike.''

Mike extended his right hand over the table. Even though Eren was taken back a little by the everything he somehow got it together, got up and shook Mike's hand.

''Nice to meet you, Mike. I'm Eren Yeager.''

When he let go, Eren discreetly smelled himself. Did he smell bad or something? He took a shower and used aftershave. Did the hospital smell really stick to him so bad?

''Oh, so that's your last name. I was actually in need of that once.''

This time it was Levi who spoke. Eren looked at him confused as he sat down. Mike didn't seem like he was leaving any time soon.

''You don't even know his last name Levi? And here you are on a date, that's a bit rude.''

Eren felt his cheeks go warm at the mention of this being a date. He was about to protest but Levi was quicker.

''It's not a date you dimwit. He's Erwin's nurse and did me some favor. But why am I even explaining myself to you? Plus, get the fuck off me! You weigh like a ton!''

At this point Mike had both his hands on each of Levi's shoulder and was hovering over him, the smug look on his face still present. His head was nearing to Levi's and it looked that soon enough he would be lying on top of him with his upper body. It seemed Levi's annoyance didn't get to him in any way.

''Get off you twerp!''

Levi actually picked up a fork and made an attempt to jab Mike's hand with it. But either Mike's reflexes were fast or Levi's attempt to hurt him was halfhearted because he managed to remove the hands from Levi's shoulders before the fork could reach it. Eren held in a chuckle. The scene reminded him of a cat and dog fight that were raised together. To look dangerous only in the picture when in real life it was only a play battle.

''Alright, alright. So how is Erwin? I meant to stop by but I couldn't get out of work for last month. Plus, you visit in the evenings right? I go on my lunch breaks during the day.''

''He's the same… – Levi pauses and looks down on the table, fixing the napkin, straightening the utensils. – As always.''

''That's a real bummer. Anyway, the meal's on the house. Been way too long since I've seen you bud.'' He put his hand on Levi's shoulder once more.

''Can't have that, Mike. This is my thanks to Eren so it wouldn't mean much if I didn't pay for it, don't you think?''

''Oh my, Levi. No. you don't have to, really. It's enough that … – And that was when Levi looked up, no,  _glared_  at Eren for the first time. Eren stopped in mid-sentence instantly. Whatever thought he had in his head evaporated on the spot. That was one scary look; Eren had not seen that one before and was certain it meant business. Eren actually found himself gulping in response.

Mike spoke after patting Levi's shoulder couple of times and straightening up.

''Haha. I got it man. I'll leave you two. And Levi? Stop glaring at the kid. Have some heart.''

When Mike was gone and Eren's voice came back, he finally managed to speak.

''Do I really look like a freaking kid?!''

Levi took a political approach as he grabbed his glass and took a sip of water.

''Come on! Or does it come with age and when you become mentally ''an old grandpa'' that you start calling people per kid and brat?''

''You br…''

Eren erupted with laughter to Levi's automatic response which he didn't finish.

His savior was the food that arrived. Who knows if he wouldn't also be threatened with a fork or worse – a knife? The thought of violent Levi should scare him but all Eren was capable of was to react with a smile on his face. It seemed to tick Levi to some degree that he wasn't intimidated.

 

 

* * *

 

 

They ate in silence at first. Levi stole small gazes at Eren between bites and couldn't help being amused. The young brunet had his never ending smile plastered on, even when eating. It didn't want to fade. On contrary, it seemed to Levi that with each bite it became bigger.

At first Levi was planning to wait till they'd finish eating the first course but that smile made him really curious; he couldn't help and spoke.

''Ok. What's so freaking amusing? Do I have something on my face or are you still laughing at the incident with Mike?''

''Huh?''

Eren looked up confused from his plate.

''Oh, iz jast…''

 _Of_ _course_ he started to speak with his mouth full. Levi noticed Eren's cheeks go up in flames in an instant when he realized what he did. He tried to swallow whatever he had in his mouth quickly, took a sip of water and cleaned his mouth with a napkin. Levi tried hard not to laugh at the fact that his cheeks were becoming more and more crimson.

''I am really sorry.''

Levi had to say he really looked down at his stupid behavior. Even Levi had at least that much of a working heart to ease up on his embarrassment.

''Don't worry Eren. We're not in some fancy restaurant. I hate them anyway. Only stiff ones go there.''

''Stiff ones?'' Eren looked quite amused.

''Yeah, people that earn freaking amount of money and have a broom stuck up their ass.''

Eren chuckled.

''And you're not one of those people?''

''Are you trying to insult me or just to get me mad, brat?''

''Oh, no! I meant if you're the one from higher class and earn a whole lot of money.''

''Oh. I can't complain on my salary but higher class. Nah. That's not me.''

''Really?''

''What? You thought that I was?''

Levi couldn't help but be really surprised. Levi'd never think _anyone_ would presume he had some higher upbringing. The mere thought of someone thinking that way about him made him feel really amused.

''Well, yeah. You kinda have that look you know?''

''Oh, that's only because I mostly stop by the hospital right after work and there I have to look like a boss don't I? But you couldn't be _further_ from the truth assuming I am high class.''

''Why?''

''It doesn't matter. So anyway. Ease up. The only thing I care about in table savoir vivre is that you don't speak with your mouth full and eat like a decent human being.''

''Mmm. I _think_ can do that.'' Eren smiled at him one of those small warm smiles.

''So, will you tell me? What is so funny that you have a non stop smile plastered to your face?''

''Oh. It's just this food is so freaking good and I cannot help myself.''

''True. Mike's a great cook. It's his only redeeming quality.''

''Again? Come on Levi. Must I always walk in the moment you’re bad mouthing me?''

''So maybe get a clue and don't come here?'' Levi answered Mke without turning around this time. He let out a very long and loud sigh that the tall man wouldn't be able to miss.

''Oh, don't worry. I won't anymore. I just thought, since you didn't order any I'd offer some good wine to go with your second course.''

''And maybe there's a reason? I have to drive back home.''

''No worries. You can get a cab and look what I have here. I don't think you'll be able to say no to this.''

Levi was talking to Mike without even turning around this whole time, but curiosity got a best of him and looked to the side and at the bottle Mike was presenting to him. His eyes widen in a bit of a shock though he tried to keep a poker face nevertheless. Too bad Mike knew him for too long and wouldn't be fooled. He saw through Levi in an instant and his smile broadened. Eren only looked from one man to the other and the silent battle going on between them, his utensil at the side of the plate, his food forgotten for now.

''Come on. I know you want to. Don't loose the opportunity to treat your guest to such luxury. But heck with the luxury. We both know it's simply _good_.''

''I hate you. You're paying for my cab.''

''Haha. We have a deal.'' Mike was about to walk away but Eren cut in.

''Um, I am sorry to be a tad rude, but it's red wine right?''

Mike's and Levi's eyes widened in shock for a reason that Eren did not understand.

''It's not just some red wine, it's…'' Mike straightened and presented the bottle in his hands once more.

''I am sorry, but I know shit about this kind of stuff so… and I really don't like red wine. – Eren looked apologetically to Levi. – Could I ask for some white? ''

Levi and Mike sighed in union. Mike put a hand on Levi's shoulder and patted couple of times.

''Don't worry Levi. It's just how youngsters are these days. Nothing you can do about it. But I guess you can't force your tastes on someone. Alright Eren – Mike looked at him. – I'll bring you some white wine that will go great with your second course meal.''

And with that he was gone.

''I hope I didn't embarrass you in front of your friend. But I really, really do not like red wine. And before you say anything, I tried many types, my dad tried to persuade me about it, but to no avail.''

''What can one do. Maybe you'll grow into it.''

''Come on! Would you stop? I am only a little younger than you and your friend too He…''

And then Eren looked at Levi more closely and shut it in an instant. He couldn't believe it. Levi was doing it on purpose and now trying to cover his evil smile with taking up his meal once more.

''Agh! You're evil!''

''Best you know it now, while you still can walk away.''

''Huh?''

''Doesn't matter. But seriously. I am anything but nice, why would you even say yes to my invitation?. Which also was very original if anything.''

''Don't know. Free meal?''

Levi knew Eren was joking. His grin told him so. He sighed and went back to finishing up his meal. Eren didn't say anything anymore and also grabbed his spoon back and went back to eating. When their first course was gone, waiting for the second one, each of their wines poured into glasses they continued the idle chit chat. For some reason Levi was feeling more talkative this time. Maybe the possibility of Eren being a dick and a homophobe gone made it easier for him to relax.

''So, how the hell do you keep that mutt fit? Your apartment is quite big, true. But that dog is freaking huge. Have you ever measured how tall he is?''

For some reason Eren chuckled.

''Um, no but I can at least approximate how tall he is when standing on his rears.''

''Why?''

''That is if you tell me how tall _you_ are. You were quite… eye to eye.''

Eren didn't manage to keep his chuckle in anymore. Levi was beyond words.

''Are you fucking serious. Did you just made fun of my height _and_ somewhat compared it to your horse sized dog?!''

Levi gritted his teeth in disbelief as Eren chuckled. He laughed so bad he suddenly went into a small coughing fit. He took his glass with wine and took a sip as Levi stared. Levi's teeth gritted while he waited for the man in front of him to calm down. When Eren looked back at him and saw his face filled with anger and fury he sat up straight in an instant. Levi actually heard him _gulp_ in fear.

''Oh, my. Levi, I am sorry. I didn't think this topic… aaaaaagh I am sorry.''

Eren looked down and put his face into his palms, keen on hiding his embarrassed expression from the older man. Why didn't he think and figure this might be a sensitive topic for Levi. His cheeks went up in flames for the second time this evening. And then Eren heard the quiet chuckle. He couldn't believe it! He fell for it once more. He looked up and saw Levi covering his mouth with his hand.

Eren couldn't exactly see his smile but saw his eyes sparkle with an evil look. He could see Levi emanate with pride with himself. Eren was about to say something but then Levi put his hand down, his smile visible for anyone to see. Eren was taken back for an instant. Levi's expression eased up, the usual frown between the brows gone. Eren could feel goose bumps form on his arms. But this time around Eren was able to get it together faster, he dismissed his body's reaction in an instant he was aware of it. To cover his amazement to such a simple gesture, he answered Levi's smile with his own laughter.

''So, um I assume your height doesn't bother you?''

''Nah. I think I heard almost any joke you could imagine. Plus, why should I care? It's not like I can change it and it doesn't bother me.''

''True. So can I ask how tall you are?''

''Brave. 160 so that'd be around 5'3.''

''That's…''

''What? You thought less?''

''Am I gonna get killed if I say yes?''

''Not this time. And you? What? 5'5?''

''Come on! Now you're just being mean again. I am 170 so that'd be 5'7 thank you very much. But never mind the details. Why the hell are we even talking about it?''

''Maybe because you were comparing me to your big ass dog?''

Eren chuckled in embarrassment.

''So? How do you keep him fit? With your job I doubt you can walk him regularly.''

''Oh. During the week he stays with my family for most of the day. I pick him in the evenings. We have a backyard so he can run to his heart's content.''

''And why the hell could you forget about him being there? I freaking heard him 'thump' while he ran. Not so easy to miss.''

''Oh, because of our dinner my mom was to drop him off because I couldn't come over. She must have done it earlier than she said she would.''

''Tight with your family huh?''

''Kinda. And please do not call me a baby or mommy's boy because…''

''Haha. Nah, didn't plan to. So…''

And the talk continued. They ate the second course, drank their wine and chatted on. Levi told Eren more about the project he was currently working on, his firm, he mentioned Hanji in general while Eren told him about his friend Armin and Mikasa. From what Levi could catch in between Eren's ranting he really respected Armin, putting emphasis on how amazingly smart he was. Armin was an IT genius while Mikasa had her own judo slash karate school. From what Eren said, she was kind of a scary person who new a mass of different styles of martial arts. Then they went into the topic of books once more. It was an obvious passion they both shared, despite the difference in the genre they preferred.

Time flew by, Levi didn't even notice when soon enough they were almost the last ones there. Their food long gone, Eren's cheeks slightly brushed with crimson caused by the wine, his smile a little more goofy than usual. Levi hated to admit that this appear looked cute on him. Just a moment. Did he just think of Eren as _cute_?

Levi gazed at his own bottle to see that he didn't hold back with his liquor either. Over half of the bottle empty. He needed to stop. It didn't matter that he was not planning on driving. It seemed Eren's thoughts were on the similar wavelength as he spoke.

''Oh, my. Mike was right. This wine is really good. I didn't even realize I drank so much. God. I am stupid, I feel a little tipsy.''

''Don't worry. Mike's choices are always dead on the mark. Maybe we can get a coffee so we can sober up a little?''

''That's…''

''That's unacceptable. You didn't even order a dessert!''

''Oh, no.''

Was all Levi said in answer. Eren laughed a little harder than he meant, the booze in him taking action.

''Come on, Levi. Just shut it already. It will be easier to go along with me. I assume I can take the liquor. I'll get you two a coffee and some sweet thing to bite on and you grumpy just sit still. Eren, what would you like?''

''Um, I um…'' He looked around but couldn't find the menu.

''Just trust me, anything you like in particular?''

Eren spoke the first thing that came to his mind.

''Strawberries. And chocolate?'' Mike smiled, nodded and was gone in an instant.

''Um, Levi?''

Eren asked quietly because the man in front of him was leaning back on his chair now, his head on the back of it as he looked up at the ceiling. Without looking back at Eren he spoke.

''Don't worry. Mike's a great cook, but his desserts are even better. You'll like whatever he brings.''

Eren chuckled and this caused Levi to sit back normally again.

''Ok. What's funny this time?''

''Oh, I just thought you have a really nice friend there.''

Levi only 'tch'ed' in return.

But he was right, when Mike brought their desserts and coffee, for some reason he took over waiter's duty, and Eren tasted the chocolate strawberry cake goodness, his taste buds went into an over drive. When he looked up, his spoon still in his mouth as he almost let out a moan of satisfaction he saw something amazing once more.

Levi, who got also some kind of chocolate dessert, but his, was purely made of chocolate and dark, also had a pleasant look on his face as he sucked on his spoon. When Levi took it out and licked off the last bits of dark mass off it Eren felt his face go hot and this time it wasn't because of the remaining alcohol in his system. Then some bits of dough managed to fall off the spoon and onto Levi's hand. He put the spoon on the edge of the plate and discreetly licked the dark mass off his fingers. Eren gulped hard at this sight, his heart rate quickened no matter how hard he tried to control his reaction. He forced himself to go back to eating his dessert in an instant. Thankfully, the sweet heaven in his mouth soon did the job of distracting him from what he saw.

''So you like sweets? That's a surprise.''

Eren spoke, hoping the talk would take his mind of _things._

Levi looked up and spoke after thoroughly cleaning the spoon. Eren did everything not to look at that gesture.

''What? You thought that I'd be the type to hate sweets and like only bitter and spicy things?''

Eren didn't speak but his lack of answer spoke volumes.

''I just like Mike's desserts.''

Levi said quietly, as if scared the mentioned man might hear.

''Oh, I know you do.''

It seemed it wasn't Levi's day and Mike indeed heard it.

''Sorry to interrupt, but we have to close up in about half an hour and you're the last ones here too. Though if you want to stay a little longer…''

Eren looked around and indeed Mike was right, besides him and Levi there was no one else in the restaurant anymore, most of the small candles on each of the table that were lit some time ago almost burnt out.

''Oh, no. We couldn't Mike. – Eren took the liberty of speaking as Levi went back to eating his cake. Was it Eren's imagination or was he embarrassed that Mike heard his compliment. – I didn't even realize it was so late. And this dessert, it's really, really, really good.''

''Haha, glad you like it. So I won't interrupt you anymore. Levi – Mike looked at man who was immersed in his dessert – Tell me when I should call for a cab.''

''Oh, I'll walk this guy home and come back.''

''Oh, Levi. You don't have to. Come on I am not some kid or a gi…''

The glare once more.

''Oh, ok. I am shutting now.''

''Good boy.''

 

They were walking to Eren's apartment, the cold of the night waking them up better than the coffee did. The walk was short and only with his will power Eren held back the chattering of his teeth. They stopped in front of the door to Eren's building and in an instant both felt the awkward silence. The awful moment of departure when neither knew what to say fall upon them. Date or a simple get together, it didn't matter, it always came.

''Thank you for dinner, Levi. It was really good.''

''Nah. Don't thank me. But good you liked it. Now go before you finally start chattering with those whites.''

''Um, I…''

''Come on, I saw it. Now hurry to bed princess. It's way past your bed time.''

Eren didn't get mad this time and smiled in response. He nodded and turned around to walk away. Eren's hand was almost on the handle of the front door to the building but he turned around. He was a little surprised to see Levi didn't move an inch and was still standing there, watching him walk away. Still, he gathered his courage and spoke.

''Oh, and just so you know – I'm really grateful that you took me out for this dinner as a way of thanks and all but you didn't have to. And there won't be any need to do so anymore in the future.''

Levi looked confused.

''Whenever you need help with anything just tell me. If you won't be able to visit Erwin, or well, anything, feel free to write to me anytime. And from now there's no need to pay me back. All of it is free of charge.''

''Nah. Can't bother you…''

''Ah, shut it. Maybe it will be too straightforward of me to say this but, it's what you have friends for right?''

Levi felt his throat go dry upon hearing those words and then seeing Eren smile a genuine smile made him warm inside. The kid had guts; Levi had to give him that. At first Levi thought Eren was the awkward type, shy in his presence, just as most of the people Levi had to deal with for a longer period of time but he couldn't be more wrong.

After all misunderstanding and chaos gone, when they had the chance to normally interact with each other, Levi saw this happy and confident man. Eren wasn't intimidated by Levi's personality; he faced him dead on with his own sarcastic remarks. Eren had his own amount of cheekiness to spread around as well and it countered Levi's cold demeanor quite well. And the more important thing, though Levi didn't understand why, his hostile face expressions and not too kind tendencies didn't push Eren off. Most of the time he counteracted them with his big, sincere and kind smile. For some reason Levi hoped he wouldn't grow tired of it too soon.

''You might regret your choice later.''

Eren dismissed his answer with a wave of his hand and walked inside, the smile still plastered to the young face.

Levi stood there for some time, staring at the closed door and thought what the hell just happened. Is that how you make _friends_? The simple act of making new acquaintances, friends seemed alien, now that this situation fell upon him. It was a new and unknown feeling to Levi. At his age it really sounded stupid when he pondered the topic on his walk back. But then again, his whole life was anything but simple far from normal.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Levi's slim, pale fingers were covered in dark, dense liquid that slowly and gradually descended down to his palms. The fluid covering his hands was thick so Levi had enough time to lick them with his long and pink tongue before the droplets could fall down. His eyes were foggy, tined with lust and longing as he slowly traced his tongue down his fingers, palm, wrist and then forearm. He stopped when his head wouldn't reach no further only to do the same task with the other hand. Instead of getting rid of the chocolate goodness covering his skin, his both arms were now smeared with the liquid almost up to Levi's elbows.

When the task of so called cleaning was done an evil smirk appeared on Levi's handsome face. The sinister smile was a warning of what was to come next. Almost in slow motion, the gray eyed man put his two fingers of his right hand into his perfect, rosy lips. The sucking noises that followed felt almost unbearable, echoing in the room where no other sound could be heard. All that filled the space of the bedroom was the heavy breathing and the sounds of Levi's play with his own fingers.

After a longer moment of giving them his undivided attention, he took them out of his mouth and a faint 'pop' followed. Levi's smile became wider as he looked at his clean fingers. Then his eyes wondered back to the spectator of the show he displayed and spoke.

''Mmm, this is really good. You should try some, I still have plenty more.''

At that, he took his left hand which was still profusely covered in the dark mass and leisurely traced it down his lips, chin, neck and down to his chest where he stopped at the nipple. He grazed it with his palm and when the nip reappeared from under it, it was covered with chocolate and standing up hard.

''Up for a meal?''

Levi said as he started to lean forward, making his upper body reachable for the man under him. But he was suddenly pulled down by the hand on the back of his neck and into passionate kiss. No matter the surprise, Levi didn't remain passive for long. He opened his mouth for the tongue that demanded its entrance. It took control in an instant and Levi had no claims against it. He let a quiet moan as the foreign body invaded his mouth, grazing and caressing it in a fierce manner. Their tongues tangled and intertwined. It was a messy but a fiery kiss, spit and chocolate exchanged between two men.

It would've last and last if not for the lack of oxygen both sides started to suffer. When they seperated, tongues sticking out in a gesture as they did not want to part just yet, Levi was panting hard. Little out of breath he smiled once more.

''Tasty. But I am still hungry for more.''

With no other word, he bended down his body and started to lick the sun tinted skin with his tongue. From the nape, to long collarbones, then he traced each nipple with it. After each circle done on the pink nubs he received an inner, deep moan. The smirk on Levi's face indicated the pure pleasure and satisfaction it gave him to hear those sounds as his head descended down to the kissable navel. As his mouth stopped, his hands tracing the heated torso with his hands, smudging the leftover chocolate on it, he gazed for a moment at what was in front of him. Yes, this would be just as tasty as the dessert on his hands.

With no further ado he stuck out his tongue and traced it from the base to the tip. This gesture earned him much lauder moan and a hand fisting his hair in a firm but gentle gesture. After a delicate nibble of the tip he put it in his mouth while placing his left hand at the base, coating it with his long slender fingers.

Then in a slow, almost unbearable motion he started to move his head up and down, his tongue twirling, playing with Eren's hard cock. He sucked in, hallowing his cheeks and the young man under him lost any remaining control he might've still had as he thrust his hips up. Despite the slight discomfort of sudden hit to the inside of his mouth, Levi smiled and sucked once more.

Now Eren's moans, sighs and heavy breathing echoed in the room as he received the best blow job in his life. He was close, almost there; he felt he was nearing his climax with each bob of Levi's head and each pump of his hand on his dick. Each caress to his chest neared him to cumming. It felt amazing with Levi's mouth around his manhood that throbbed with need. A battle raged in him; one side wanted it last forever, the sensual feeling of Levi's tongue coiling and licking as he sucked; but the other, the one so close to release, wanted to come, wanted to cross that line and fill that heavenly mouth with himself.

Yet, he couldn't contemplate on which need was bigger as with few more up and down movements of Levi's mouth around him, he lost it to pleasure. He forgot about holding back and let out an almost cry moan as he came. As he felt the warm liquid spill on his cock his eyes shot open.

''Huh?''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit delayed than I was planning to but I still hope you liked it and the last scene.....I beg for understanding if it [was gonna say if it sucked but maybe it's not a good word here :p] well it was the first time for me writing a smut scene.... aaaaa all I can hope is that you liked it :D  
> PS - once more have to say thanks to my betareader who, unknowingly, gave me the idea for the setting of the last scene, luv ya babe :*


	8. Cure for mind and body

''Don't say a fucking word.''

Levi said, eyes glued to the papers in front of him as he heard the door to his office open. He didn't have to look up to know who just entered. There was only one person in this office that was cocky enough to enter it without knocking, and it was exactly the person he really didn't feel like talking to at the moment. Or in the near future as well. He was feeling like shit, as if someone chewed him thoroughly and spit him out. The last thing he needed right now was to be forced to listen to Hanji's rambling. And he knew all too well what topic she was all too keen to pick up.

''Someone's in a shitty mood. Though I heard things went smooth so why would you be bitchy now? Or maybe something happened when you walked him home, like a good gentleman.''

''I see that Mike told you all the details. What came over me to choose his restaurant? And he simply just _had_ to be there out of all days.''

Levi mumbled the last one to the papers in front of him, which he held up strategically to keep Hanji's face away from his vision.

''Yeah, he told me more or less – Levi heard as Hanji sat herself on the sofa on his right and judging from the quiet crunching noises, she started munching on the snacks he kept in a glass bowl on the coffee table. She better not leave any crumbs behind or help him god… – And we both know why you chose his restaurant. For the food. It reminds me I haven't stopped by his place for some time… Mmmm, just thinking about it makes my mouth water. But then again you like his restaurant not so much for the food in general but the dessert part particularly.''

Levi chose not to comment on that and rummaged through the papers, whose contents he tried to understand with all his might but his raging headache was making the letters blurry. Yet, he kept the façade up, anything just not to have to look at Hanji. He really didn't feel like dealing with her shitty cheerful attitude right now.

''Oh, as to the reason why he was there, is nothing out of ordinary. He's opening a new spot so he's training a new chef for this one.''

This caught Levi's attention and he lowered the papers. Hanji's look of satisfaction to get his attention was transparent.

''Really? He's opening a second restaurant?''

''Yeah. When I talked to him, he said he kept quiet until it was a sure thing. And of course he didn't tell you anything because he didn't want to interrupt you on your date.''

''Would you fucking stop it? It was not a fucking date. You said Eren deserved something in return for his kindness. So I did, even though he kept fidgeting it was unnecessary and all that shit. Plus, I got attacked by a beast in the mean time too.''

''Huh? What are… Oh, no. Don't tell me he made a move on you?! Levi that's…''

The last thing he needed was to hear what Hanji thought about Eren making a move on him, now or any other time.

''Don't. I don't want to hear you opinion on this ridiculous topic. – Levi put the papers back up and concentrated his gaze on them. Was it his imagination or were the letters moving? He blinked couple of times. There. All back and still. – Plus, that would be a no. I wasn't talking about Eren but his dog. He got a big ass dog and it jumped on me. But never mind that. Hanji, from what I gather we are rather busy so please, get back to work before I loose me temper. And today, the line to that is very thin. – Levi massaged his temples, seeing white dots when he closed his eyes. The headache was almost unbearable.''

''Come on, Levi. Don't be a douche. Tell me…''

''Hanji! – He slammed the papers on the desk and looked at her, he was close to bursting in anger as his irritation and pain in his head grew. Hanji actually jumped a little in her seat and her hand, which held a cookie, stopped midway. – I. Really. Am. Not. In. The. Mood.''

Levi put emphasis on each word. But the moment his eyes registered a small fear in Hanji's eyes he regretted his sudden outburst. He let out a long sigh as he put his head in both his hands, putting his elbows on the desk.

''I'm sorry. I just have a headache. So please. Not today?''

Levi was a little scared to look up, afraid that that the fear in her eyes lingered. But then he heard a quiet chuckle and sounds of Hanji getting up.

''Alright. Don't worry. Sorry for being annoying as always. I'll bring you some painkillers.''

''I'd appreciate it.''

''Oh, and Levi?''

He reluctantly looked up but kept his chin on his palms.

''From what I heard from Mike, you failed to mention something. – Levi raised his eyebrows in confusion. – I hear this Eren is a nice peace of ass.''

Levi answered with a groan and threw crumbled paper in her direction. She left the office, while laughing hysterically. Levi felt for a moment as if his head was to crack open from hearing that screech.

When she came back, with some pills and a cup of water, he glared at her in a way even she would know not to annoy him anymore. It worked and a not a single word escaped those mouth. She left in silence as well. So maybe at least some of his misery showed on his face, because he sure as hell felt awful beyond words.

 

 

Rest of the day was torture, the painkillers only helped a little and the work dragged on and on. He was counting down the hours until he would be able to finally leave.

It was around 2 pm when Hanji came into his office once more. He kept most of the day to himself, finding any excuse not to leave the confines of his warm and desolated office.

''Hey, Levi. I need you to sign this… Oh my god! What the hell?! This place is an oven for god's sake. How much did you turn the heat up? I know you have low blood pressure and get cold easily but this… Levi, are you ok?''

Levi looked up at her from his laptop, not that he was registering much of the contents it was displaying. He groaned in annoyance and pulled the blanket around his arms tighter, one he kept in his office at all times. He kept it for winter because just like Hanji said, he tended to get cold easily but it was still end of the September, winter had long way to come.

Levi was about to mumble to her to piss off and just give him the paper but in an instant she was next to him, hovering above him. In the next blink of his heavy eyelids her hand was on his forehead. He glared at her confused.

''Oh my god! Levi, you idiot! You have a fever!''

He pushed her hand away from him and snatched the paper she was holding.

''Leave it alone.''

He extended his hand to grab a pen from the organizer on his desk but it was snatched away by Hanji. He looked up at her, immensely annoyed.

''No! You're dumb beyond words. You didn't notice you had a fever and from what I feel quite a high one too! You leave this at once and go to the doctor. You ass, you have a nurse for a friend yet you don't know what a nasty flu is going around? You…''

''The last time I checked the papers, I was the boss here.''

''Stop it! – Hanji was pissed now and it showed. His stupid attitude earned him a smack over the head. Levi's eyes widened in shock as well as in pain. Though the shock was a much bigger trigger. – You get your ass off the chair and go to a doctor. Right now I am in charge here. You sign this paper and then leave.''

''Hanji, leave it alright? I am fine. I feel a little under the weather, true. But it's not a reason to panic and run to the doctor's.''

He growled at her, took the pen from the organizer she still held and signed the paper.

''Here. Now get back to work.''

''No.''

''What?''

''You heard me. I will not.''

Levi looked at her and knew he was on the loosing side. She had that determined look she always wore when negotiating with clients.

''Come on, Levi. Is it some kind of crime taking care of your own health? – Her expression eased, face full of sadness and unease. – You have a really high fiver, please go to the doctor.''

Levi was shocked to see so much worry in her eyes. He really wasn't sure how he was to deal with that. He was slightly uncomfortable and felt it showed as he fidgeted in the chair.

''Is it really so weird that someone cares for you? Is it really weird that _I_ care about your health?''

Levi looked away.

''Fine woman. I get it. – He got up and his world spin suddenly. He had to grab the desk to regain his balance. Of course Hanji caught all of it and took a step forward to him. – Get me a cab. I took a bus here because my car finally refused to start.''

Hanji still looked concerned but nodded and left. She was one hundred percent right, he needed to go to the doctor. His head was hurting, he felt as if he was about to freeze despite the blanket around his shoulders and it seemed like every bone in his body was starting to burn from inside. Levi wasn't so stupid to fail to realize a fucking cold was upon him. But he simply had enough of hospitals and the nearest clinic was in the one Erwin was in.

Also a problem remained that Levi figured he would never get used to someone showing care for his person. Even after knowing Hanji for almost as long as he knew Erwin, it still came to a shock someone would treat his health and well being as something to be worried and even mad about.

A phantom of a smile crossed his face as he took off the blanket, folded it neatly and put on his jacket fighting the urge to chatter his teeth from the cold he felt.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

This was… he didn't even have words to describe the stupidity of this situation. He simply lacked the vocabulary to summarize how fucked up he felt, as he put his clothes into the washing machine, a towel around his hips, his body still wet after a quick shower he was forced into taking.

Once more Eren groaned at his body's response to last night's dinner. No, it wasn't only his body that responded, it was his stupid subconscious playing tricks on him with stupid perverted dreams. The moment Eren thought about it, his brain started to replay the memory of the dream, the sensation he felt when…

STOP!

Eren slapped his cheeks with his palms, refusing to rethink it again. He did it with enough force to flinch in pain. But he deserved it.

Plus, who the hell at his age reacts this way to a dream? Was he some kind of a stupid teenager to wake up with his boxers stained? And we're not talking about wetting the bed either. Letting out another groan didn't help his frustration. He looked through his basket with clothes for something that he could wash with his stained boxers. Eren actually considered for a moment about throwing them out but that would be simply even more stupid.

''Eren?! You up?''

Right. He forgot Armin was to come over. His mind was too preoccupied with other annoying things this morning.

''In more ways than one…''

Eren mumbled to himself then shouted for his friend so he could hear he was in the bathroom.

''Oh, you're awake. That's good, what are…''

Armin came into the bathroom Eren was currently in, the one near the entrance, but stopped speaking when he saw Eren, who was currently cursing under his breath and pouring a dose of washing detergent into the machine.

''Hey, why aren't you ready? We were supposed to be at Mikasa's by 8, and why did you shower, aren't we gonna run there? – Eren didn't answer and added the fabric softener with utmost concentration. – You're doing the laundry on Sunday? That's a sur…''

And of course, his genius of a friend did the math and stopped in mid-sentence.

"Eren, please tell me what I am thinking right now is wrong and you…''

"Oh shut it Armin. I am not in the mood.'' Eren growled with a little more hostility than he'd have wanted to.

''Oh, my. Eren…after _that_ you're not in a mood? That's a…''

''Would you freaking stop it with the sarcasm?!''

Armin was doing everything to hold back his laughter but Eren saw right through him and surely, seconds later Armin was chuckling as Eren passed him with no other word.

''Come on, Eren. What are you mad about? It's not like you can help it.''

They were in Eren's room as he went through his sweat clothes, looking for something to wear. Titan was comfortably huddled in a ball on his bed that lacked the sheets. Any other time Eren wouldn't let him stay on the bed but now he didn't care. Armin sat down on the edge of the bed and started to scratch the mutt behind his ear. His tails started to wag in an instant.

''Come on Armin. – He dropped his towel, put on his boxers and turned to his friend who was watching him and waiting patiently for him to change. – Just say what you want to say, I know there's more.''

Armin's eyes subtlety lingered on his left thigh and he looked down there too, just to flinch in reaction. He tended to forget it was even there. He turned around and started to put on rest of the clothes quickly.

''What do you want me to say Eren? I can guess who was the cause of your pervy dreams, all I can do is ask if something specific happened that caused such reaction?''

''Of course not! We had a good, platonic time. It was actually really great dinner. I met his friend by accident too. Mike. The owner of the restaurant he took me to. You know, the one we went to for Mikasa's birthday. But that's beside the point.''

''True. Ok, you want my opinion? – Eren turned around, full clothed, the earlier dropped towel over his shoulder – I think, if you decided that Levi's off limits, in the friend zone, then…''

''Then what?''

''Then you simply need to get laid.''

Eren groaned in return.

''Thanks for nothing, genius. Like I don't know that already.''

''Then what's the problem?''

''Don't have much time lately? Even though I finished this torture Hannes gave me I still have to work almost double shifts because of the fucking flu that's going around. We're so understaffed it's insane.''

''Then when it's back to normal, why don't you just let me and Jean set you up with someone? Jean told me Marco has a friend…''

''And let me guess? It's a girl right. No thanks.''

''Come on, Eren. Would you quit it already? How long are you gonna stick with the theory that Jean is homophobic? He's with Marco for pete's sake! How could he despise you for being gay while being gay himself?''

''Don't ask me. Ask the horse-face himself and let him explain how his messed up mind works. Are we going or not?''

Eren asked as he finally got everything in his small back pack and had Titan's leash in hand. The dog heard the jingle of the metal instantly and was at his side in a second.

''Yeah, we're going. Mikasa hates when we're late. But tell me, if you know you are, well, sexually frustrated then why overreact with some dream? Even if it was a little pervy?''

''Not only pervy, it was freaking kinky too.'' Eren mumbled to himself as he attached the leash to Titan's collar.

''Huh?''

''Nothing. It's just got me mad. What am I? A teenager in puberty or something?''

''Come on, Eren. You always tell me to loosen up some so you do so too. But it's been a while since the time you had… – Armin lowered his voice as they were already outside Eren's apartment and Eren was locking up – Some _closer_ _human_ contact, hasn't it?''

Eren groaned at the mere thought. If only Armin new how long. And the way his last _'closer_ _human_ _contact'_ as Armin put it looked, it didn't help the matter in the least. Eren was actually starting to think he was living in celibacy. Except he knew that already, but because of the stupid dream the reality of over two years without even a one night stand crashed in on him. It's just what he needed. An unavailable hottie _and_ his body reminding him of his sexual needs. He started to think maybe it has been better when he had the impression of his libido being gone.

 

 

 

They were sweaty and tired. It was way too long since he jogged such a distance and he felt it in his bones too. He'd better go back to his running in the mornings. He needed to get back in shape. Not only was his form suffering but his muscles too, or more the lack of them. Not that he was feeble; they just weren't what they used to be before. Maybe it was time to get back in track Eren thought as he wheezed, bend over with his hand on his thighs.

''Um, Eren are you ok? Is your…''

''I'm fine. It's just I stopped with my morning jogging and my endurance is a little weak. Let's go in, we're already late as it is.''

Eren nudged Titan to get up, he was breathing with his tongue out. He needed to get him something to drink as soon they got inside.

''Alright. But, what are you going to tell Mikasa? Are you going to tell her the truth? You know she'll see right through your attempt to lie.''

''You don't have to remind me. I know perfectly well how keen are her senses when it comes to me trying to spout bullshit. I'll tell her about my outburst, I wouldn't feel good about lying about it either way. But let's keep Levi topic off, ok? I'll just tell her I got mad because of the operation that failed to save a patient. Are you ok with that?''

''Not fully, but I'll respect your choice. I won't tell her about your crush if you don't want me to.''

Now Armin gave him a small but an evil grin as they walked inside.

''Dick head. I'll tell Titan to bite you one day.''

Armin only chuckled in response.

 

 

 

''So, Eren will you tell me now what had happened?'' Mikasa asked, as she straddled Eren and looked down at him. Seconds ago he was swung over her head and hit the mat with his back. Mat or not, it still hurt like hell.

''Get off me woman!''

Eren could hear Armin's chuckle behind him and Titan's excited barking. Eren got up and looked at the stupid duo.

''You're useless. You're supposed to protect your owner.'' Titan lowered his head in response, sad look in his eyes.

''Come on, Eren! Don't take it out on the dog when it's your fault for not paying attention.'' Armin reprimanded him, patting the dog on its head.

Eren only growled in response, and sat next to his pet on the other side. Titan reluctantly looked his way and Eren smiled.

''Come here you dummy.''

Eren put his aching arm around dog's neck and hugged him. He got a very sloppy kiss on the right side of his face in response. The trio laughed as the dog wagged its tail, a quiet 'thump' echoed through the room each time his huge tail hit the ground.

''So, as you can already guess why I am here. – Eren looked at Mikasa after taking a sip from his water bottle. Even the shortest training with Mikasa was a torture. And Mikasa paid no attention to the fact that it was a really long time since he last trained with her or anybody else for that matter, nor did she care to go ease on his poor limbs. – I lost it couple of weeks ago and I had a little fist to the wall incident. Before you say anything, I couldn't come over earlier because of work. Hannes was slave working me.''

''So, tell me the reason you lost it, Eren?'' Mikasa said calmly, as she stared at him, her eyes piercing through.

This was the most important moment. He had to play it right for her to believe him.

''I had to help out in ER and we lost a patient. It was young woman and…well I got really, _really_ mad. It was some stupid car accident.''

Eren looked down, closing his bottle slower than usually, hoping the mention of a car accident would fool Mikasa.

''Oh, Eren. You should've called me earlier.''

''I told you, I was busy. Plus, I told Armin right after so it wasn't like I was keeping it a secret.''

''Damn, why do I have to live so far away from you guys.''

''Maybe because your parents left you this huge and amazing house and it would be a pity to sell it just to live closer?''

Mikasa didn't argue against that. They all knew how much she loved that house and there was no condition on this earth that would persuade her to sell it. It didn't even matter she had to drive for over half an hour to her school. Work places could be replaced, homes not.

''Well, it's good that you came. Though I am sad to hear that you lost your resolve. It seemed you put it behind you, you didn't have an outburst since…''

''I know. – Eren cut in. – I know it's a _pity_ I lost it _again._ ''

''Come on! You know it's not about that you idiot! – It was Armin this time. – We just hate seeing you hurt. You think you only hurt yourself physically but you hurt us too.''

''God! I know already!''

Eren got up and walked to the punching bag that hung in the corner. He started to slowly hit it, speed picking up the more he thought of his stupid outburst couple of weeks ago. About how he outright lied to Mikasa just now why he was punching walls in the first place and how pained Armin's expression was when he first heard and then saw the evidence of Eren's rage. Eren recalled how Armin didn't say a single word when he saw Eren's purple knuckles and left the room, just to come back with an ice pack and gently place it on his hand.

In moments like these he hated himself and his stupidity beyond words. He knew it pained his friends to see the effects of his anger issues, he swore to himself each time that he wouldn't cause them to look like that anymore but when the anger came he couldn't control himself.

It was like world's biggest paradox. When he hit the wall or whatever was near him, when he saw signs on his body and realized what he did, not only to himself but to those who cared for him, he wanted to hit something again. Do something, _anything_ to punish himself for his stupidity just to comprehend a moment later that what he wanted was contradicting itself. Sometimes he realized those contradictions a moment too late, when it was too late to fix what was already done.

So this is how he learned to manage his anger. In Mikasa's school, punching but soft bags and with appropriate gloves on as well. When Mikasa first proposed such a solution, not too long after she opened this school at an early age of 22, he merely thought she wanted an excuse to keep him close but with time he realized it helped. He'd come regularly, always had a room to himself if Mikasa was busy with class or trained with her. Soon, Armin joined them, awkward and clumsy at first. Mikasa always went ease on him but it didn't take long for Armin to prove them that despise his rather weak physique he could manage himself better than either predicted. Maybe he didn't excel in strength but was flexible and fast. When Eren and him were wrestling, he could wrap himself around him like a snake, it didn't matter that his limbs weren't too long.

Before Eren knew it, the training and punching weren't means to deal with anger but something to enjoy. In the end it helped him to calm down within too. He was quite certain he had the anger management issues behind him. It really was a long time since his last outburst, which was why this one hurt even more. It was unpredicted and out of nowhere. It angered him that he was so weak in his resolve. It angered him that he was _angry_ again and he went into this stupid and oxymoronic loop of rage.

At this point Eren wasn't only punching with his hands but also kicking the bag with his legs, the skin to plastic contact leaving a soothing burning sensation of pain. The duo behind him kept silent as he let off some more steam. He started to groan in frustration, letting out short yells with each kick of his legs. Each hit to the bag with his lower leg left him more tired and less frustrated. Then he remembered his dream, how his body betrayed him and his subconscious was more honest than he wanted it to be and lost it.

He picked up the speed and started kicking the bag with his leg over and over and over again. And then he hit it too hard and was on the ground in an instant, hugging his left leg to his chest in pain. Now he did it.

''Eren!'' Mikasa and Armin yelled in union and were at his side instantly.

''Leave it. I am ok. I just hit it too hard, forgot which leg I was using. Really – He looked at Mikasa and Armin, seeing worry in their eyes. – I am ok, even better now. I promise.''

He couldn't handle seeing all those emotions in their eyes and simply had to look away. He put his hand on top of Titan's head, who also ran to his side in worry.

''And I lied Mikasa. Loosing a patient wasn't the reason why I hit that wall. That happened too, but later. The reason I got angry was – Eren kept speaking while petting Titan, unable to look at Mikasa, who he knew was hurt that he tried to lie to her. – I met a man. Actually I saw him some time ago in the hospital but only lately I came into contact with him. He got my attention the moment I saw him, when he was visiting someone in the hospital.''

''Did he do something to you?'' Mikasa asked suddenly.

''What? No. – He looked back at her and after taking a deep breath, decided to keep eye contact. Annoying or not, overbearing at times too, Mikasa was important to him. – Of course he didn't. It's just, well he's off limits. He has a boyfriend in coma.''

''Oh, Eren.''

''Let me finish. Well that's ok, he's taken, and that's all. No matter the circumstances, he's in a relationship. But I got mad because I couldn't keep my urges in check and mad that… that I was somehow deceiving him, saying I want to get to know him, make friends when underneath I was…''

Mikasa didn't say anything. Eren knew she didn't like to hear about his relationships and any interaction with other men. For a close friend, family in heart, she tended to be overprotective with him and Armin, for some reason more with him than with Armin. Though it lessened the moment he came out so he'd sometimes wonder if, in some way, she was interested in him until that point. But that was the past and right now he awaited her nagging of some sort. But it didn't come.

''Are you alright now? Is that phase over? Are you calm or…?''

''What? Yes, I am ok now. I wanted to come here to let off steam right after but got stuck at work. Really. But I am sorry that I tried to lie to you but you tend to overreact to any new guys that I meet. And he's only a friend now too.''

''Is? You mean you didn't sever all the contacts with him?''

Huh, when and what did he say to make her think that?

''What? No, didn't I just say I was trying to get to know him but my first urges took over? I have no intention of cutting contact with him, I like him. Even if it has to be in a 'strictly friends' way.''

''Still, do you think it's wise…''

''What is? I can't even make friends now?! Mikasa, get off your high horse. You're not my mother. I was honest with you because I didn't want to lie to you, not because I was asking for some kind of approval. I have to go now. – Eren got up and walked over to his things, limping a little on his left leg. – I'm working a double shift starting tomorrow, I need to rest. I don't want to limp at work too for being stupid or Hannes will put me back into archives. Come on Titan, we're going home.''

Moments later Eren was out of the room, on his way to the showers. Mikasa and Armin stayed seated on the floor. Armin felt he should defend his hot blooded friend just a little.

''Mikasa – She looked at the blond, as her eyes were glued to the door ever since Eren walked out. – I think, this time you really should let it go. I've been with him ever since he met him, M. He really cares for the guy, even though he just met him not so long ago and it doesn't matter to him that he can't be more than a friend. I know he would want to, he knows it too that he's attracted but I see that spark back Mikasa. It's been gone for two years and it's there again. If nothing else, this one thing should matter to you. For some reason we're not enough to get him fully back from that dark place but this Levi guy, he did something to get that tiny peace out as well. Call it curiosity, crush or maybe only lust. It doesn't matter. He's allowed himself to be happy again so why won't you let him be as well?''

''Is it that strong?'' Mikasa asked quietly.

''I don't know what's in that guy, sometimes, from what Eren tells me, it sounds like he's a little closed off too, but let it be a book kink they share, food kink or even broken souls connection, whatever it might be. I don't care. I just want Eren to smile again and actually _want_ to spend some of his time away from us.''

''You're right Armin. I just…''

''We all know you care for him Mikasa, but he hates it when you or anyone in this case, tries to tell him what to do. For the mere principle, he will do the opposite if someone orders him to do something.''

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eren was amazed at the amount of people squeezed in the small space of their clinic. No wonder Hannes asked all available nurses to come in. They were, in any way possible, to help out the doctors, get the short summary of the patients' symptoms and any relevant detail down on paper so when the doctor came in, they would have all the information gathered and ready. Eren was hoping as well, that this would help out and all patients would get treated despite all the chaos that roamed.

He's been working for over 6 hours and felt the crowd of people didn't lessen in size. Worse, he had a feeling it grew and almost ¾ of cases he had to help with today were all the same; cough, fever, joint pains, runny nose etcetera etcetera. But this was the job he signed up for, however the last half a year he spent in the coma ward gave him a false sense of calmness and peace. He forgot how it was in the clinic and ER. He also forgot how excited it made him feel with all the rush and chance to help. While he also forgot how exhausting it could be.

After grabbing another chart off the rack, looking through written down symptoms he went into the room. Flu again; so he'd check the blood pressure and temperature before the doctor came in.

''Afternoon, my name's Eren. – Eren said while coming into the room, his eyes scanning the chart carefully. – As you can see we're having a little chaos because of the flu so I'll check your blood pressure and temperature, so it will be easier _and_ faster for the doctor to work, Mr…. Levi?!!''

''Oh no.'' Eren barely heard a response from the man slouching on the hospital couch.

Eren was really concentrated on the filled out paperwork in front of him that he looked up at the last minute, while still looking for the patient's last name, just to be faced with no one else but his new gray eyed friend. Although the beautiful gray color of his pupils was barely visible. The whites of his eyes were blood shot and the dark circles under contrasted grotesquely with the pale skin. Eren also noted today, the paleness of Levi's skin looked sickly and ailing.

''What are you… Oh my god, you look…''

''Like shit? I know. I feel like one too.'' He finished his sentence with a couple of coughs.

''Damn, I can see it got you too.''

Levi didn't answer and only gave him a look that Eren felt yelled sarcastically ''don't say, Einstein''.

And then the reality of his position hit Eren. He was a nurse and Levi was his patient. He was supposed to do basic vitals checks but required him to touch Levi, even if it was minor contact. It required direct skin to skin contact some would consider intimate. And Eren had some gut feeling that Levi wasn't too keen on any form of human contact with people he barely knew, intimate or not. Most possibly he didn't like people touching him, period.

Eren felt his cheeks go up in flames as the realization of what was ahead of him crash in. Since when did he start acting like a school girl?

But then he thought of another thing and felt even more uncomfortable. Maybe Levi, seeing as they were acquainted now, wouldn't feel comfortable with him being his nurse, even if it was for only a moment. Eren felt the need to ask.

''Um, Levi? – Levi looked up, as he was now quietly blowing his runny nose and his eyes were glinting with tears. He looked like a bag of misery and anger at the same time. – Um, I feel I need to ask. Are you ok with me treating you? Because if you don't want to, I can call someone else in and…''

''Oh, you have so many people to go around?''

Eren scratched his neck in unease.

''Um, not really. But…''

''Just as I thought. So shut it and do what you have to for the doc. Unless you're planning on shoving a thermometer up my ass then I don't have anything against you doing your work here.''

Eren thought his cheeks were about to literally get a 3rd degree burn as he widened his eyes in shock at Levi's comment. Eren was praying in his mind that his imaginations would keep in check this one time and pictures of such scenario wouldn't come flooding his mind. He saw the other man give him a wicked smile so he turned around, instantly on his was to get things he needed from the shelf.

''No. – He mumbled, refusing to look at Levi just yet. – We don't use that method here. – Eren turned around, thermometer and blood pressure meter in hands. Suddenly he felt an urge to kick Levi back with his own witty comments. It was surprising, while looking like a bag of shitty goo he still had strength to be this cheeky. – We have electric thermometers here and put it the patient's mouth so open up.''

Eren smiled wickedly as he hovered over Levi, said thermometer in hand. Levi glared but opened his mouth. Eren would lie if the simple gesture of putting the thermometer in Levi's mouth didn't nudge something in the back of his mind. The urge to shove the thermometer harder than he needed to somehow had been overcome. Eren didn't even know until that point he had sadistic tendencies. Then he thought of how Levi always had the affinity to mock him and spoke.

''Unless, you want me to put it somewhere else, then I bet I can.'' Eren smiled at Levi who glared in return, eyes slightly widened in shock. He started mumbling but Eren put his finger up to stop him.

''Nah-ah. No talking. Be a good boy and keep still.'' Levi squinted his eyes but listened and kept quiet. Eren still caught a quiet ''huff'' leave his nostrils.

Eren turned around under the excuse to get the other equipment but took the moment away from Levi's gaze to take a deep but quiet breath. He was playing cool but his insides were doing conga. Soon he heard the quiet beep and knew the temperature measuring was done. One more deep breath and back to pretending to being in control.

He turned around and took the thermometer from Levi's mouth. His eyes widened in shock to see the numbers. No wonder he looked like death incarnate.

''Damn it Levi, you really got it bad.''

''How much, you douche?''

''Little over 40. I don't think this is going to go without antibiotics. Speaking of which, the doc should be here soon enough so let me get the blood pressure and in the meantime tell me if you're allergic to anything. I see that you didn't come here before so we don't have any record of that.''

Eren, proud of himself, with the stoic attitude, unbuttoned Levi's sleeve and rolled it up to wrap the meter's airbag around his upper arm. Eren was a little surprised how muscled his bicep was. Levi's small physique didn't indicate that such muscles could be hidden under the layers of clothing. But Eren showed no response to his new and exciting discovery. Maybe he could actually do this? Act natural and normal around Levi?

Not that his heart wasn't beating a little faster than usual and his actions weren't all too honest either.

He strategically chose the old type of meter over the new, electric ones, because this one required of him to take the measurements, unlike the new one where you simply had to put it on and click the button. With the old one, there was more need for skin to skin contact. He knew he should feel bad for his ulterior motive no matter how silly and innocent it might be.

''Because I don't have any. No food, no medicine nor animal allergies.''

''Good, now please relax?''

Eren looked at Levi, while he sat on the stool next to the hospital bed. There was a short, direct eye contact but Eren fought against any reaction and concentrated on pumping the air and looking at the meter's arrow.

He felt Levi's eyes on him, his look burning into him, leaving a sensation of goose bumps on his skin. Eren was hoping with all his might that it didn't show on his hands and Levi didn't notice anything, seeing as his face was so close to him. Levi's was head hovering over his as he leaned down to put the stethoscope on the crook of his arm.

Job, this was his job and if anything, it was most important right now. Levi was sick and he needed to get things done so the doctor will give him the right medication.

But hearing Levi's pulse, the steady thu-thump caused turmoil in his own heart. The feeling under his fingers, the sensation of the flawless and smooth skin send wondrous shivers to his spine. He still doesn't know how he managed to note down Levi's stats on the paper.

When Eren was done he knew he had to put some distance between them. He got up and went to put things back in order. When he looked back at Levi, he had some professional and strict comment in mind as to how he has to go now, that the doctor will be here soon but stopped.

When he saw the ball of pure misery, hugging his suit jacket and outer jacket close in need of any form of warmth, he couldn't do it. Levi looked awful and the friend side in him screamed levels. How could he feel stupid urges, when his friend looked and obviously felt pure adversity? For a moment Eren felt lower than low.

''God, Levi, I hope you recover soon. You must feel awful if I didn't get a death glare for those stupid comments.''

Did Eren see a shadow of a smile behind that tired look?

''Oh, don't worry. I'll hit you over the head or something when I get better.''

''Good to hear.'' Eren answered with a smile.

''I knew – a fit of coughs so hard that Eren flinched at the thought how much Levi was suffering. – you had to be a masochist. There's no other way you'd want make acquaintances with me.''

''Maybe I am.''

Eren almost whispered to himself. Whether Levi heard or not, Eren had no chance to know as that moment doctor came in. After giving the info he gathered, left with a reassuring nod to Levi's direction on the way out.

 

 

 

Eren looked at his watch and flinched. He was on his feet for almost 7 hours now, non stop and repeatable course of action behind him. He was to have a break soon before his actual shifts starts but he doubted he'd have a chance to use it. There were simply too many people in the clinic that needed care. He wouldn't feel good with himself if he was enjoying his free time while the poor souls sat with runny noses and fits of coughs to fight with. At moments like this he blessed his amazing immune system.

But he needed at least a five minute break and a breath of fresh air. After telling one of his friends he went outside, making sure to put on his jacket first. Immune system of a superman or not it didn't kill to be cautious. With a coffee from the coffee machine, that tasted far away from good, he sat on the bench right outside. He felt in his gut this was going to be one hell of a week, and it was still only Monday. He rally needed to return to his jogging if this little chaos left him tired. If he didn't, there's no way he'd be able to persuade Hannes he was ready to go back to ER.

He was hovering over the cup he held in both his hands, folded almost in two, trying to mentally force himself into drinking the awful liquid. The coffee was terrible but worse would be rest of the day without any form of caffeine.

''You just _had_ to jinx it, didn't you?''

Eren almost jumped up at the suddenness of someone speaking to him. Did he dose off? It was a third week in the row he was working over 12 hours each day, so it wouldn't be surprising.

When he looked up, his foggy eyes affirming his micro nap, he saw none other than the man that had invaded his dreams two nights ago.

''I see you're done. And what did I jinx?''

Eren said, putting the cup on the bench and stretching himself. He really needed that, it felt good as his bones did multiple cracking in the process.

''Here.''

His stretching was interrupted as Levi shoved a paper in his face. Eren almost fell off the bench in shock. He took the paper and looked at Levi in confusion. But then he read the prescription and understood. He reluctantly looked back at Levi, afraid what else might be shoved into his face next. But the man standing in front of him seemed to have exhausted the lasts of his strength. He sat next to him with the grace of an elephant. Eren would've laughed if it wasn't for how miserable Levi looked.

''I'm sorry you got antibiotics. But if it helps, 70percent people coming in here don't leave without the same note as yours.''

''Screw the antibiotics. The stupid doc told me to stay home until the end of the week!''

''Um, isn't that an obvious conclusion? You barely keep on your feet as it is. Tomorrow probably is going to be even worse.''

''I don't need to stand to work. My job requires a lot of desk work but I just know Hanji will throw me out of my own office the moment she sees me and the knowledge I got antibiotics is going to be the ammo for the rest of the staff. Sometime I wonder if I really am a boss there.''

Eren couldn't help himself anymore and started laughing. He felt Levi look at him, as before they were both looking forward.

''Sorry. It's just like I said before. It seems your employees are good people and they care for you.''

Once more, Levi's only response was a groan but this one was fallowed by a sneeze.

Eren reprimanded himself inside at his stupidity and stood up. He stood in front of Levi, keeping adequate distance to point his finger at Levi. This was Levi's turn for confusion.

''Moron! – Levi's eyes widened in shock. – Home! Bed! Now!''

Eren received a smile breaking through the picture of misery in return. It meant a ton for Levi to try. But he silently nodded and got up.

''Right, _mommy_. See you around?''

''Of course! Hope you get better soon.''

''Me too, brat.''

 

 

* * *

 

 

''Yes. No. Yes, I did. What? No! God Hanji, you're annoying as ever. What did you call me for anyway? I told you everything yesterday after I got home, didn't I? I am too tired to argue so yes – I am staying in bed, yes I got my pills, yes I took them like the prescription said and now I'd like to go to sleep. If I am to loose the argument about me going to work I then at least let me enjoy the lack of our interaction in the process.''

''Aw, Levi. That's cold. Why don't you just admit to loving me with your small, cold heart and…''

''I am hanging up.''

''No! No! Ok, I am stopping. But do you have meals to eat? Like proper meals because I could…''

''What? Make me dinner. No thank you. I'd rather starve. I have some dinner from yesterday but I can order some ta…''

''Agh, just as we predicted. Are your spare keys under the flower pot?''

''Huh?''

Levi took the phone away from his ear and looked at the screen that showed him that Hanji hung up. Soon he heard some commotion at his front door and groaned.

'Oh, no' was his only thought as he hid himself under the covers. Soon the dreaded sound came.

''Leeevi, your rescue team is here.''

''What have I done in my past life to deserve this?''

He put the covers tighter around himself, forming a form of a cocoon in hope it would save him from what was to come.

''Come on, stop with the whining and look what I brought you. A nice, warm and nutritious dinner.''

Levi felt as Hanji pulled on his covers. He refused to let them go, there was no power in this world that would persuade him to… Little hole was made in his cover fortress he put around himself and he smelled the wondrous aroma despite his runny and stuffy nose. His head popped out and he reluctantly looked at Hanji. She was holding styrofoam box in one hand and some bag in the other.

''I knew this would get the grumpy old man out.'' She had a victory smile plastered.

''Is this…?'' Levi said hoarsely, feeling another coughing fit just around the corner.

''Yes, your dear friend Mike heard that you got sick and prepared it. It's your fave.''

Levi didn't have to be told it was his favorite dish. He smelled it was the moment it hit his nostrils. But he wouldn't be won over this easily. He sat up slowly, bringing the covers as far as he could as his fever still was pretty high.

''Come on, Hanji. You didn't have to bother Mike with…''

''Oh, shove it Levi. He offered and now you're gonna eat it like a good, sick boy.''

Moments later, he was sitting up, pillows comfortably behind his back and a bed table he usually used for laptop while working in bed on Sundays, settled in.

''Good. And before you say anything, it was no problem neither for me nor Mike. He's gonna send something over until you get better whether you like it or not. Desserts included. This one – She raised her hand that held the bag, inside he saw a faint outline of another box. – I'm gonna put this in your fridge for later. I brought this meal over to just tell you so and now have to run, before our babies destroy something in our office while I am gone.''

Levi, who's almost all attention now was at the amazing roast in front of him, looked at Hanji and raised his eyebrows.

''Babies? _Our_ company?''

''Oh, yeah. Forgot to tell ya. I'm gonna file for a raise, best not only in salary but also in position. And no need to bother yourself with it. You're gonna say yes.''

With that she left. When she was gone and he was sure of it, he erupted with laughter. True, it ended with a small coughing episode but he felt a little better. If only she'd know about the papers lying in his bed side table's drawer.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After over a week in bed, Levi was finally free! He forgot how terrible it was to be sick. But what was worse than the sickness leaving him with barely enough strength to go to the bathroom or to the kitchen or making the task of changing sheets a challenge of the day, was the need to stay home and in bed all the time.

True, on Wednesday, when he actually managed to keep awake for most of the day, he had a chance to relax. He read some of the books he kept putting off for later, turned the TV on that started to become a deco piece in his bedroom, watched movies he had no chance to go to the theater for. The chance to eat the meals, which Mike, true to his word, send everyday and to enjoy his desserts was a luxury he took pleasure in. But by Sunday, when he was almost 100 percent back on track, he was loosing his mind from the need to keep still.

Hanji didn't come over and only send him brief mails saying they got another two orders. The word of them doing the job for Nile's company seemed to have gotten around. Levi started to wonder if it was time to hire someone new, maybe someone young in need of a job and experience.

But relax or not, he was really glad to be out of the house. It still took him little time to get tired, and even though he went to work this Monday, he had to agree with Hanji and left after lunch.

But today, Wednesday, he worked the whole day through, all his medication gone and felt the need to visit Erwin. He knew he couldn't do so until he was fully recovered. The last thing he needed was for Erwin to catch the bug.

So he used the excuse of being a tiny bit tired and left 2 hours earlier. What good was it to be the boss if not to use the perks of the power once in the while?

Levi settled in the chair after a quick peck on Erwin's hand. Best to keep safe for another week or so, so he went against kissing his face. It was quite time since he last visited Erwin and Levi left a little bad with it. He had to keep telling himself he couldn't go back to everyday visits and the longer pause in his visits was simply due to bad circumstances. Only with time, when things with his health and work would settle down, he'd see how often he could visit in order not to go back to his harmful routine. He felt it would be a little of a challenge but Hanji's word echoed in his head as a reminder to keep it in check.

He leaned back and closed his eyes. He was moments away from going into a rant in his mind about where he stood, what he should do from now on, what his future held, the perspective of Erwin both being in it and not but the door opened. He turned around and his green eyed ball of energy walked in.

Wait, did he just think of Eren as _his_?

''Hi. I saw you come. Hope you don't mind me coming in?''

''Nah. Come on in. I told you, you don't have to bend your work schedule to me anymore. Your presence doesn't bother me in the least.''

Levi leaned back and closed his eyes. Maybe he wasn't truly lying when he said he was still just tiny bit tired. This flu really took out a chunk of his health away from him.

''So, are you back in your game?''

''Huh? – Levi didn't open his eyes to speak. – You mean the flu? Yeah. It was a nasty one though.''

''I figured. You didn't visit Erwin for sometime so… Um, I wanted to call or write to you but figured I shouldn't. You were sick and…''

Levi opened his eyes and saw Eren fidgeting with Erwin's chart as he wrote things down. He wasn't looking at him either. Levi felt Eren really wanted to call; he simply felt embarrassment emanate from Eren. It was little entertaining to see him on a spot again.

''Nah. Don't worry. Most probably I wouldn't be able to answer anyway either way. I had to enlarge the font on my computer to read work's mail to such sizes, it's crazy. So I doubt letters on the cell phone would be anything more than blurry mass.''

''Are you ok now? Or is work hectic again. It's best you don't overwork yourself or…''

''Nah. Stop with the motherly tone. I am fine.''

''So you'll come back to visiting Erwin regularly again? That's good.''

Some weird smile appeared on Eren's face that Levi wasn't sure how to interpret. He disregarded the thought and spoke.

''I don't think so. Well not the way I used to anyway.''

''Why?'' Eren answered immediately and soon covered his mouth with his hand.

''Ah, sorry. Not my business. Shouldn't ask.''

''Nah. It's no secret. It's just…been almost 4 years now, and I realized it's not too healthy for me spend the days at the hospital, as weird as this might sound. I mean, Erwin's under good care right?''

Levi looked away from Erwin, whom he had been gazing at for the whole time he spoke, and looked at Eren to smile at him.

Levi didn't know how grotesque his smile was to Eren and how keenly Eren felt the whole pain inside Levi's heart written all over his face. Eren answered him with a biggest grin he could manage, anything to try to keep that pain away from Levi's eyes.

''Only the best!'' Eren almost chirped in response.

After that, they spoke no more. It seemed both felt the heaviness of the decision Levi had to make. Eren was all too much aware that this point in life crashed on all the family members who had someone in coma for longer period of time. As much as Eren might despise the families that didn't visit their comatose relative, he had to have some kind of empathy of the pain they felt with each visit. It had to weigh on more and more with time.

It looked like Levi, who Eren knew for certain from the look of his gray, beautiful eyes, cared for Erwin a great deal, had finally hit the wall. The reality that Erwin might never wake up crashed in on him and was in the process of starting his life over. Or at least learning to try to live it alone. All Levi could hope was that the time would come and he could share his life back with Erwin once more.

For now, all was left was to accept and take on the life as is.

Eren did his work a bit longer than he needed to. He tried to gather his courage to ask, hoping the bought time would give him the urge to speak the words. When he was done with the afternoon change of IVs, seeing as Levi came in quite early today, he turned around to speak but saw Levi petting Erwin's hand and the words died on his tongue.

He didn't want to destroy the moment for him, so Eren put the chart back and quietly started walking out.

''Eren?''

Eren was almost at the door, his mind wondering to random paths. Levi's voice breaking the silence startled him a little but he turned around.

''Um, I was thinking, if…''

Eren waited in silence for Levi to continue but no more words came for a longer time so he felt the need to urge him a little.

''Yes?''

''Ah, never mind.'' Levi turned around and sat back normally in the chair.

Whatever it was that Levi wanted to ask him, gave Eren his own courage to speak.

''What are you doing this Saturday?'' He blurted out.

''Huh?''

Levi turned around once more.

''I was thinking if maybe you'd want to come over to my apartment. Me and my friends are having a little get together and I wondering if you'd like to come?''

Levi's shock was written all over his face and it brought a small smile to Eren's face. Was there actual hope he'd say yes to his invitation?

''And what's the occasion?''

''Do we need one?'' Eren smiled wickedly.

''Figured. Young people.''

''Come on, stop it _grandpa_. But there actually is. My friend Armin, the genius one I told you about? He got his degree this Monday and we're celebrating.''

''And you think it's good idea to invite me? When it's your party for him? I think I'll pass this time.''

This time? So that meant he'd say yes to another invitation? Not that Eren was about give up when he actually got the courage to ask.

''Don't. It's only an excuse. It's not an actual party for that reason alone. Really. Plus even if it was, I doubt Armin would mind. My friends are great. With one exception but with Armin there, I think he'll behave. So, what do you say, Levi? Come on, old man.''

It was time for the puppy eyes and Eren used this weapon in full force. He got a groan in response and knew he got him!

''You're persuasive with those freaking, cute puppy eyes. I'll give you that, brat. What do you need me to bring?''

Eren felt the sudden urge to jump up and with almost stoic attitude he answered.

''Um, the obvious? Booze?''

''Figured. I guess your friends don't appreciate good liquor either?''

''Sorry. Simple beer will do. Saturday, 5 pm?''

''Sounds fine.''

''Good. Now I have to go back to work.''

Eren did everything in his power to exit the room like a civilized person. He felt a tiny bit sad he had to talk Levi into coming but he was coming and that's all that mattered. How was he to know, that the unspoken words that Levi's mouth didn't utter were also ones of an invitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured some might not know, so just in case:  
> 40°C = 104°F  
> I used celcius because I live in Poland and that's what we use here, so for future refrence - I might be more keen on using the metric system when writing :)  
> Hope you enjoyed those over 10000 new words (it's my personal record, for now at least ^_^)  
> 


	9. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren got the courage to invite Levi to the party, but was it really a good idea?

''You invited him?!''

Armin almost shouted; a loud thud followed where the knife he was using at the moment landed only millimeters away from his fingers. He disregarded that fact, his full mental concentration on what Eren just said to him while staring at the said man who stood on the other side of the kitchen counter that separated it from the dining room.

''Are you mad? I know we are celebrating your getting the degree and …''

''What? No! Of course I am not mad. But I am surprised. Why didn't you say anything before or did you invite him today on the last minute or something?''

''Nah. I asked him to come this Wednesday when I met him in the hospital but I was a tad busy and it kinda slipped my mind…?''

''Slipped your mind? Oi, Eren… – Armin leaned back on the kitchen counter, making sure not to touch the cut up ingredients that were behind him – you forgot to mention something, well I'd say, kinda vital in the situation you're in? And I thought your double shift ended with the flu.''

''I was busy. Really. I got my normal working hours back but I started jogging in the mornings now, had to take Titan for his annual shots, my mom asked me to come over and help her with some stuff around the house and it was simply a little hectic. Every time I tried to message or call you something popped and I forgot in the end. I am really sorry Armin, I know this was supposed to be…''

''Oy, stop the bullshit. We all know this is just an excuse to get together and get drunk.''

Armin smirked as he turned around to finish up cutting the ingredients for the salad.

''Come on, Armin. Stop, you know our friends are all happy for you. You worked your butt off. Though it _was_ some time since the last time we had a get together like this.''

''Yeah, everyone's busy with their lives now. It's not like the way it used to be when we still could slack off.''

''Come on. You make it sound like we're old and wrinkly. Like we're over thirty at worst.'' Eren shuttered to add humor to his statement and went back to opening bags of chips to pour them into bowls.

''Hate to say, but isn't your Levi over thirty?'' Armin said, not looking back from his task this time.

''Agh, you're right. And Armin?''

''Huh?''

''He ain't mine so keep comments that like that to minimum for rest of the evening.''

Armin's answer was a quiet chuckle. But the conversation wasn't over, because at that moment Mikasa came back into the kitchen entering through the side door.

Eren had totally forgotten she was there, back in the living room making space for the additional poufs she brought from her house. With the amount of people that were to swarm into his apartment soon enough, the additional poufs were life savers.

They shoved the dining table up against the wall, where they were planning on putting all the food and booze for everyone to take. With Eren's iPod connected to the home theater, small space cleared for dancing almost everything was ready. They still had a slightly less than half an hour until 5.

''This guy is over thirty? You failed to mention that last time. How much older?''

Eren held in a groan of frustration and glared daggers at Armin. The blond was still turned away from Eren but the shudder he saw indicated Armin felt his evil gaze nevertheless.

''Drop it Mikasa.''

''No. How much older is he?''

''Why does it matter how much older my friend is?''

''I just want to know.''

Ok, they both knew this was pure bullshit but Eren figured it would be quicker just to answer her questions.

''He's 32, gonna be 33 later. So it's only a 6 years difference.''

''What does he do for a living?''

''Mikasa!''

''What does he do, Eren?'' Mikasa said in more firm tone.

This was hell. Eren felt like teenage girl interrogated by her father about the guy she wanted to date. And he wasn't even dating Levi! Why was Mikasa so keen on protecting him! It was a little understandable, but only a _little_ , after the last time, even Armin tended to be overprotective towards him. However he hasn't been seeing anyone since that time either.

Agh!

Eren let out a very audible groan and looked at Mikasa. Better get this over with.

''He's 33, his last name is Smith. He has his own firm that deals with all kinds of design. He has a car though I don't know what kind as I never saw it. He enjoys red wine and from a higher shelf too. He likes reading books just as much as I do, though he prefers fiction over fantasy like me. He also hates going to the theater because he likes to watch the movies in peace yet he goes occasionally for the popcorn with butter from it. He tries to act tough and all but I feel he has a sweet tooth. He's not a picky eater but I swear I saw him pick at his green peas and _glare_ at them like they were the enemy. He has his own house. His friend is the owner of the restaurant we went to on your birthday and his name is Mike. Mike is a nice guy too. Levi's shorter than me. His hair is raven black with an undercut, always neat and tidy. He might seem small but I saw his arms and they were quite muscled. His physique isn't much but his presence is another thing altogether. He's polite but rough around the edges. He has a life partner whose name is Erwin, is stuck in the coma and has been for last 4 years, due causes I don't know of. I met him in the hospital by accident and want to make friends with him! The end. Satisfied?''

Mikasa stood there and for the first time, well, _ever_ , Eren saw she was speechless. But that lasted only a moment and after clearing her throat she spoke.

''Yes, thank you. Though his occupation would've been a sufficient. I'll go put out the glasses and the plates. Armin, can I start taking these bawls?''

Armin only nodded. Eren saw his shoulders shacking. He knew he was holding in laughter and was about to say something about it too but then the doorbell rang and the blond idiot of a genius was saved.

Eren was surprised any of his friends would come over early and help out. He could suspect it of Krista, being the dear she was. But there was Ymir, so the chance she would let Krista cut on their 'lovey-dovey' time just to do domestic chores was next to slim.

Marco? Did he actually manage pull the horseface from the bed earlier? Sasha and Connie were still busy at work, then that left…

Of course, why didn't this answer come to him first?

''Evening, brat. Got here earlier than I predicted.''

Eren held in laughter as he looked at Levi. Why couldn't he just simply say that he came earlier to help? But Eren was a little surprised to see the man with his hand full of bags.

''Are you going to help or just stand there and stare at me?''

''Oh, sorry.''

''This is the thing you called about – Levi extended his hand with the biggest bag that seemed to have some kind of big box inside. – Mike was trying to give it free of charge but I figured, as it was your present for Armin, you wouldn't like that. I got the receipt inside my wallet. Mike said you can stop by anytime to pay. No need to rush.''

''Oh, my. I was so busy I didn't even think about the paying part. I am sorry.'' Eren said as they started to walk towards the kitchen after Levi took off his coat and hung it in the closet. Eren held the box in his arms, while Levi had one normal plastic bag, one dark one and a material bag swung over his shoulder..

''Chill your balls. He said it was no problem.''

''Um, Levi? – Levi looked at him – What is with all the bags?''

Eren received a smirk and right away knew he wouldn't receive the answer to his question.

''You'll see in due time. Though I have to ask you to put this one in the fridge with the other box as well.''

Eren looked confused and knew the curiosity was beaming off his face.

''God, could you be more obvious. You will see later. I am intruding on your party so it's something to pay back. Couldn't be helped.''

''No, you are not. You're most welcomed here.''

Both Eren and Levi looked away from each other and towards the source of the voice.

''Hi, I'm Armin. – Armin extended his hand towards the little confused and abashed Levi. – Oh, your hands are full. Stupid me. Let me take this. You said the fridge right?''

Levi nodded as Armin took the dark bag from Levi. Eren took that opportune moment to put away the cardboard box and put it on the top shelf inside the fridge. At times like this Eren was really lucky he had a double door fridge. He was back in no time at their side.

''Can I ask what's inside the other bag?''

Eren said and pointed to the other plastic bag, though this one was a see-through and he could make out some kind of bottles inside.

''Yes, this one has the booze you asked for. Is dozen bottles enough?''

''What? Of course!''

Eren took the bag from him right away and realized how heavy it was and Levi held it the whole time like it was light grocery bag. What the hell was that man made of?! Eren's curiosity took better of him and he looked inside just to fight the girly squeal that wanted to escape him.

''Um, is it ok?''

''Y-you… you remembered?'' Eren almost whispered, more to himself than to Levi.

''Huh?''

Eren looked at Levi and decided against speaking. Maybe it was pure coincidence that the bag held a dozen of bottles of his favorite beer. Maybe Levi didn't even realize it as he picked it at the store, maybe Eren's rant about how good, though a bit on the expensive side, this beer was, fell on deaf ears. He wasn't about to make a fool of himself and mention such a trivial thing. It didn't matter that his stomach was doing conga again out of pure happiness.

''Oh, nothing. It's perfect. Oh, and – Armin came back to their side after putting away the mysterious bag into the refrigerator – let's be a bit more correct about this. Armin, this is Levi. Levi this is Armin, the genius boy.''

Eren could see a blush forming on Armin's cheeks as he extended his hand to Levi.

''Stop it, Eren. Hi, Levi. It's nice to meet you.''

Armin gave Levi the biggest and warmest smile he held in his artillery Eren knew of. Eren saw that even Levi was fighting a crack of a smile as he extended his own hand into a handshake.

This was why Armin was his best friend ever! Good job Armin! Eren had to remember to thank him later.

''It's nice to meet you as well. Congratulation on the degree. You're an IT spec right?''

''Y-yes. And thank you.''

Eren noticed Armin was feeling somewhat intimidated by Levi's presence, despite the earlier confidence with the smile that he gave them. Not that he could blame the blond, that's how Levi's persona was. Especially when Armin was only little taller than Levi. Unlike Eren, he didn't have the height advantage.

Eren was about to rescue Armin and cut into the conversation but then the inevitable happened.

''Hey, Armin I need your he…''

Mikasa, who walked into the kitchen from the dining room's side, stopped in mid-sentence and in mid step. The trio looked at her in union but her vision was now concentrated on the person in the middle. Of course it was Levi. Eren felt he needed to act and act fast.

That was when Mikasa surprised him and smiled. He was expecting a glare, but a smile? Never, ever with the possibility of _none_. Soon, she crossed the distance between them and was an arm's length away from them. She extended her arm and spoke.

''Hi, you must be Levi. My name's Mikasa. I'm Eren's other childhood friend.''

Levi spoke nothing, eyeing her for a moment but then extended his own hand and grabbed Mikasa's in a very firm handshake. Eren stood there on Levi's right side, Armin on the left and both of them just stared. Eren saw the look of surprise on Armin's face that he himself must be bearing right now.

''Hello there, Mikasa. Nice to meet you.''

And the handshake lasted and lasted while Levi and Mikasa looked at each other. Mikasa held a faint smile while Levi wore the unreadable expression. Eren looked from one to the other, unsure if he should say anything, let alone _breathe._ He hadn't the slightest idea what was going on between them but there was _something_ , of that he was sure.

Eren's eyes looked down and at their intertwined hands. Both hands were red from the force they were putting into the greeting. Eren widened his eyes, fear for Levi's hand bones surfacing. Mikasa might be a girl but he would be a fool not to agree she was stronger than most men he knew. Hours and hours of training she did on daily basis gave her strength in those palms any man could be jealous of.

Eren noticed Mikasa's biceps flexing as she put her whole might into gripping Levi's hand.

But then Eren's eyes went to Levi's arm.

He was wearing plain black polo shirt so his arms were uncovered. Those muscled arms were flexing beautifully so Eren knew Levi was also putting a big amount of strength into that handshake. He was not holding back, it didn't matter that Mikasa was a woman. He was presenting his own might and answering the challenge glowing in Mikasa's eyes with everything he's got. The height difference between them was nonexistent, at this moment they were equal, fighting for the upper hand, metaphorically as well as practically.

The air around all of them got really dense and Eren felt it.

Thankfully, Armin was still capable of using his brain in this unusual situation.

''Um, if you'll excuse us Levi? – The three looked at the blond man – I think me and Mikasa have last touches to finish before everyone comes over.''

''Of course.'' Levi answered with a courteous nod.

Levi looked back at Mikasa one last time and let her hand go. The two looked at each other for another brief moment and then Mikasa smiled once more. Was it Eren's imagination or did he see satisfaction on her face.

''Yes, let's go Armin. Levi – Mikasa smiled at Levi once more. – Please, keep Eren company while we finish up.''

Levi only nodded and they left the kitchen. Eren felt like he could breathe again and leaned back on the counter after letting out a loud and long sigh of relief.

''God. This was…''

Eren couldn't exactly word what just happened. But he was no fool. He knew Levi felt the hostility in that greeting and if anything, Eren felt he needed to apologize for his friend. He looked at Levi, who was standing couple of feet away from him, his gaze still on the spot where the other two left.

''Oh, my Levi. I am sorry for Mikasa she tends to get a little…''

''Overprotective?'' Levi said, a smirk visible on his face as he turned around.

''Um, yeah. We've known each other since we were little and well, she tends to think it's her duty to protect me and well…. I am really sorry for that.''

''No need. She was marking her territory so to speak. Could feel it from the moment she walked into the kitchen.''

''You felt that too? Oh my…'' Eren put his face into both his hands, feeling gloom filling his heart. He was hoping their first meeting would go a bit better. He didn't dream it would be stress free and all giddy, he wasn't that stupid. But this? This has _never_ happened before.

Most of the time Mikasa would just stare at whoever new he'd bring over, be it friend or boyfriend, and her glare alone would do its work. This was something new and felt it was a whole lot worse.

''Oh, chill. I think you didn't see everything if you're stressing out so much.''

Eren looked up confused and tilted his head as he waited for Levi to explain.

''Nevermind. If you're too slow it's your loss.''

''Levi!''

''Nah, not telling. But do tell me one thing? – Eren nodded for Levi to continue. – Just to get it straight out – She doesn't seem to think I am your boyfriend, does she?''

Eren felt his ears burn in embarrassment while his eyes widened to a point it started to hurt. Once more with stupid teenage reaction! But when Levi said that silly possibility out loud, his body reacted all on its own.

''What?! No! I told them we met in the hospital and you're a friend and well… I told them about Erwin.. I hope y-you don't mind.''

''Nah. What about the rest that will come over?''

''Oh, shit. True. I didn't say anything to them. I was freaking busy and …''

''Stop fussing, idiot. And gotta say, red suits you.''

''Huh? Wha…''

''You're beet red, it's quite entertaining.''

Levi gave Eren an evil smirk. It didn't help Eren to feel his face become even hotter. He grabbed the fruit from a bowl that was near him and threw it at Levi. But of course Levi managed to catch it and chuckled.

''Ass.''

Eren grumbled as he turned around to look thru the shelves, in case he forgot to put something out on the table.

''Warned you. But need any help?''

''Nah, I think we got everything finished. Still the naaa – Eren stood on his toes, trying to reach the napkins from the top shelf. After a short struggle and bit of stretching he managed to reach them. – pkins! Uff, got one. And the o…''

And the doorbell rang.

''Damn it. Levi, could I ask you to get that?''

''Sure.''

Levi said as he tore his eyes away from the stretching Eren.

The doorbell rang two more times so Levi quickly walked over and opened the door.

He was about to speak, say something along the lines of hello and mention that Eren and the others were busy but whatever words he had died on his tongue. He hadn't had the chance to utter a single word before three big and heavy boxes were shoved into his arms. It was only good reflexes that prevented him from dropping them.

He didn't even see the face of whoever gave him the boxes as they hid that person's face and now they were doing the same thing to him. He saw zilch from behind it. He doubted his head even poked from behind.

''Uff. That was freaking heavy. Let's put it in the fridge quickly Eren.''

Levi was still in bit of a shock and said not a single word. Neither now as he waited for whomever it was to take off their jacket and nor when he simply followed the person to the kitchen, only his hearing guiding him.

''Damn. Something smells really nice, gotta say I am quite hungry Eren so... – Eren, who finally managed to reach all napkins he needed, looked at Ymir and then his eyes widened as his eyes fell on…it was Levi right? – Wait a minute, if you're here Eren, then who the hell answered the door?''

Eren, in pure shock looked as Levi walked slowly towards the bar table that divided the kitchen and dining room and with a quiet ''uff'' put the boxes on top of it. The shock was slightly gone and Eren fought back a chuckle to the fact that Levi's whole upper body was hidden behind those three boxes just moments ago.

''That would be me. Nice to meet you too.''

Levi said and looked at his culprit.

The woman standing in front of him, shock written all over her face, was taller than him, dark skinned and freckles on her face. What also caught his attention were the tattoos on her body that poked from underneath the very loose light blue, short sleeved shirt. There were quite a few. One covered her whole right arm; there was one on her cleavage, over her breast that looked like some kind of an animal foot print. Her left wrist bore one that was supposed to imitate a bracelet. There were a couple of more but they didn't have a negative effect of 'more than enough is too much'. The length of the shirt made it look she had nothing underneath but brown shorts, matching with the brown converse shoes, poked from under.

''Eren, – She glanced over to Eren – who's the shorty?''

''Ymir!!''

Levi heard Eren but also someone else yell.

This evening was getting _really_ interesting.

Only now has Levi realized that some other girl came with this Ymir person. He looked towards the entrance of the kitchen and sure enough, a small, blonde woman was standing there. She wore a simple, thigh length navy blue dress that went wide towards the end. Black heavy boots and a black jeans jacket contrasted nicely with her small figure. Her pale skin made the red cheeks more visible as she glared at the other woman. It was quite a scary glare considering her petite posture.

''Whaaaat?'' Ymir whined as she turned around to look at the blonde.

''Apologize to the man. You are rude, _again_.''

''Yeah, yeah.''

But Ymir walked over to him and extended her hand to Levi. Her face was bearing a confident smirk he knew all too well. He wore one himself all too often.

''Hi. Sorry. I thought it was Eren who opened the door. I'm Ymir.''

Levi shook hands with her.

''I'm Levi. Eren's friend as you can guess.''

''Cool. See Krista? I apologized.'' Ymir glanced behind and grinned.

''Good girl.'' Krista said as she shook her head in defeat.

Levi walked over to the other woman and did something that was bothering him for some time now. He went and took the bags she was holding in her small hands. It seemed in all the chaos that had happened she herself has forgotten them and jumped a little when he bended to take them from her hands.

"I'll take those if you don't mind. Seem they are a bit heavy.''

Suddenly he felt a chill run down his spine.

''Oooo, you got the glare Levi.'' Eren chuckled.

''Huh?'' Levi straightened and turned around.

Sure enough, Ymir stood where she was before and was glaring at him. He just didn't know why.

''Ymir! Stop it. He was being nice.'' Krista yelled from behind him and suddenly he understood. Eren's friends were getting more and more interesting with every moment.

''Calm down, Ymir. I bat for the same team as Eren.''

''Oh, then thank you for helping Krista.'' Ymir's shoulders relaxed as her face bore more natural expression. Cheeky, yes, but it was better than a glare.

They left and Levi stayed to help Eren out with emptying the bags and boxes.

''Damn, Ymir went overboard with the booze again. Three boxes? She's freaking insane.''

''So, judging by the glare I got – Levi handed Eren another bottle. He was kneeling on the floor, his gaze intense with the task of finding _any_ space in the fridge for the bottles that seemed to have no end to them – I assume those two ladies are an item?''

''Yeah, for three years now I think? They moved in together like couple of months ago. Their house warming party was insane. Or so I think. Nobody remembers much to be sure.''

''So, you're the type to party hard, huh?''

Eren looked up at Levi, last of the bottles somehow stuffed inside, doors _somehow_ closed. Levi leaned back on the counter and Eren sat back on his legs, still on the floor. His cheeks seemed to want to warm up again. He looked down, somewhat ashamed.

''Not so much, not really. It was Ymir's party and they always end, to put it bluntly, _bad_. Plus, I-I needed to decompress a little so to speak.''

''What from?''

''Um, it…''

Bam!

It sounded like the bottles decided they weren't comfortable inside and tumbled down from the shelves. Eren cringed as he attempted to open the bottom door once more. Sure enough when he did they toppled down to him. He groaned in annoyance.

''I think…''

But Levi had no chance to share with his thoughts when the doorbell rang again. He looked down at Eren who was whining and grumbling under his breath.

''Don't let me take you away from this lovely task. I'll get the door.''

Eren answered him with a growl. Who knows if it was meant for him or for the evil bottles?

One thing was sure – his friends weren't the patient type. The doorbell rang again and again and again and again.

He had the urge to yell he was coming but in time he remembered he wasn't at his own house and bit back that comment. He opened the door and…

It wasn't true right? He took a step back with a groan and grabbed the bags shoved into his hands once more. At least this time he could see from behind them, though he had to puff the plastic material of the bag away from his face. But the problem was, there was no one to see.

Whoever shoved those bags to him was gone in an instant. Levi could only hear fading footsteps. But once more, they came in pair and the other person came inside and closed the door.

''Oh, my. That idiot. I am sorry, let me take those from you…''

Levi looked at the very tall man that stood in front of him. His skin was a slightly tanned and his cheeks were painted with freckles and with slight blush. Levi would've taken the offer but the man also had bags in his hands so he just shook his head.

''Nah, I'll manage.'' He only nodded, and soon they went to the kitchen in silence.

They were greeted with a groan that had to come from Eren.

''Not again! Jean, you horsefaced moron!''

Levi's hands were freed in an instant when Eren ran over to him.

''What? What did I do? Wait, Eren why the hell are you here? Oh…'' The Jean person seemed to comprehend what he did and chuckled.

''Don't 'oh' me.'' Eren took the bags and put them on the counter.

He felt he could die of shame right now. So far his friends were showing Levi some interesting sides to their personality. Interesting meaning the rude one only.

Eren looked back at Levi, who, thanks to the bags flying up and over his face, had his hair a little messed up. Eren refused to accept it looked sexy as hell. Right now he was to bow and beg for forgiveness.

''Levi… I am… I don't know what to say.''

Levi was glaring at him as he calmly and slowly was combing his hair with his fingers. Eren was scared for his life but… Levi's mouth twitched.

''Levi! You're an ass!''

''But it's entertaining to see you all flustered. It might be my new hobby.'' Eren growled and was to say something but Jean cleared his throat.

''Um, are we interrupting something? Want us to leave Yeager? Want some time alone with your new conquest?''

''Jean! You fucking stop right now! – Eren's face went red with anger. Why the hell did his friend manage to pull all the wrong string on his temper? One moment they were talking and the next Eren was loosing his marbles because of some simple sentence Jean said. Why the hell did he still call him a friend when…. Agh, not the time to think about it right now. – Levi's a friend I invited over and you're gonna show him the respect he deserves. You can get on my nerves but…''

Levi put his hand on Eren's shoulder and Eren twitched in shock.

''Eren, calm down. He was just joking. I am not _that_ stiff not to get it. No need to fight…''

''No. Jean, you apologize right now.''

Jean and the other one stood there, shocked and speechless. Levi actually heard the taller man gulp.

Levi looked at Eren and saw anger he was surprised with. So the brat could manage a glare or two as well.

''Damn, Eren. Chill. Can't you take a jo – Jean looked at Eren once more and raised his hands in a defensive gesture. – Alright. I was rude. Chill. – He looked at Levi. – I am sorry. I was just making fun of Eren. I am Jean. I am sorry for the thing in the hallway.''

Jean gave Eren one more glace that said ''are you happy now?'' and left the kitchen. The taller man stood there, the conflict to follow or to introduce himself written allover his face. Seemed he decided on the latter and walked over to Levi.

''I am sorry for Jean. Hi, I'm Marco. It's nice to meet you.'' The kind smile he received warmed up even Levi.

''No need to apologize for somebody else. I am Levi and it's nice to meet to you too.''

And moments later he was gone while Eren still huffed and puffed with anger.

''Why did you get your balls in such a knot, Eren?''

''Agh, I just got mad! So far my friends are showing you not their best side and I don't want you to get mad at me and ….agh! Sorry.''

Eren ruffled his hair in frustration and gripped the counter. Calm. Keep calm. The last thing he needed right now was to also show Levi how he'd tend to loose it from time to time.

''Is this the friend you mentioned that should behave with Armin being here?''

Eren looked confused at Levi, wondering what the hell he was…. Oh! And then he remembered vaguely saying something of that sort when inviting Levi over.

''Damn, do you remember _everything_ I tell you? – Levi shrugged his shoulders in response. – Yeah. That's him. Besides Armin and Mikasa, he's the one I know the longest, ever since junior high school. We were like inseparable trio until then, when Jean came along. His parents are from France and he lived there for most of his life. I still recall as he struggled while learning English. His accent was so heavy but now you cannot even tell. He would get into fights because kids wouldn't understand him or just make fun of for the fact he would stutter getting sentences together. That's how we actually made friends.''

''What do you mean?'' Levi asked quietly. Eren's lips turned slightly up.

''He got into a massive fight because; well I don't even remember now. I went in to help him or maybe because I just liked getting into fights back then? Who knows. Later we got into a lot of trouble and went into detention together. After that it just went natural.  
Thanks to Armin being genius that he is we helped Jean learn English. Then we became a quartet as people would say. – Eren leaned over the counter, his chin in his palms as he put his elbows on the cold surface. He stared off god knows where as he reminisced. It wasn't exactly a good moment for that kind of conversation but Levi didn't interrupt him. He simply looked at the younger man's face as it bore a nostalgic expression. – We would always argue about simplest things, but that's how we were, that's how it worked between us you know?  
We would bicker about stupidest things, characters in the movies, books and so on, liking opposite things in almost everything you could think of. We would sometimes swing a few innocent punches just to put band aids on each other while laughing at our own stupidity.''

Eren's face now bore the most gruesome smile Levi has ever seen on his face. He was unsure if he should ask the question that was roaming his mind for a while now. He knew himself how he didn't like when people butted in his life, especially his past. But he felt the biggest need to wipe that ghastly expression off Eren's face.

''So, what happened that now you can barely stand each other?''

Eren flinched and straightened. It looked he just realized he was ranting in almost a whisper. To Levi it looked like Eren lost himself to the memories and most of what he just said wasn't meant for him to hear.

Eren's ears went red as he turned around and walked over to the bags Jean and Marco brought. So he was right, Eren was embarrassed for letting all of it out.

''Oh, that? I don't know. It just… happened. It is as it is. Please, help me a little bit more?''

Levi respected Eren's wish no end the conversation and didn't say another word as he emptied the other bag, with Eren next to him and Eren's gaze keenly concentrated on another amount of booze that arrived.

Then the doorbell rang again.

Levi and Eren looked at each other in union.

''Um, maybe this time, you will get it?'' Levi asked innocently. Eren looked at him for a moment and then burst out laughing.

''Yes, that's probably better idea. But all that's left is for Connie and Sasha to arrive and they are bringing food, no more booze.''

''No more? That's a bummer. And here we have only so little to get a small legion drunk.''

''Ease up on the sarcasm, old fart.''

With that Eren, literally ran to the front door.

''Tck. Brat.'' Levi huffed under his breath but a smile broke trough.

Soon enough Eren was back in the kitchen with another pair following him. This time it was a man and a woman.

The woman had long, brown hair that were set loose and fell around her pretty face. She wore simple, skin fit jeans and very loose dark sweater that fell to the side, revealing tanned shoulder skin.

The man next to her was a little shorter than her and had very short hair, on the first look Levi actually though he was bold. He had black, very loose jeans that hung at his hips. Levi was somewhat scared they might fall off any second they were so baggy on his small, but muscled posture. To that he wore a simple, just as loose, black t-shirt with some kind of logo on it. Both were smiling as they took their place at Eren's side.

''Levi, this is Sasha and this is Connie. Guys, this here is my friend, Levi.''

Eren awkwardly introduce them to Levi. So far this introduction was actually the most normal one. No bags shoved into his face, no staring down contest or handshake wrestle, no glaring for merely being near someone's girlfriend. They shook hands, smiles offered to him as he nodded his head in return. Maybe this pair was a bit more normal? How naïve and more wrong could he get at this point he was yet to realize.

 

 

* * *

 

 

To be completely honest, Levi wasn't too sure how he should act and what he should actually _do_ once he'd reach that living room. Sure, he went to some parties in his life but that was many, many years ago when he was still a teenager and had a _totally_ different view on the world and what should be considering _partying._ He really doubted anything of that kind of entertainment would be happening here now. Not that he'd want it to and he really didn't think Eren's friends would be of that sort.

Oh, well. Come what may be. He'll just have to go with the flow.

Yeah. He doubted he could do so either. But he accepted Eren's invitation, with some eagerness inside, to which he of course would never admit, too.

When they reached the living room, Eren by his side and a beer bottle in hand, Levi saw that everyone was enjoying themselves in small groups already. He was a little shocked that the beer he bought for Eren, yes, the one he remembered the brat saying was the best, was actually pretty good. He found himself taking a sip after sip while Eren chatted away happily.

Levi listened but also scanned the room.

The table that stood in the corner of so called dining room was filled with food. There were bowls of chips, bottles of various drinks, plates filled with sandwiches, salads. Levi saw some cakes of many sorts as well as cookies that looked pleasantly inviting being filled with chocolate chips. There were also some dishes that Sasha and Connie brought. It didn't look like a table was set for only ten people.

''Yeah, I know. That's a whole lot of food. There are always leftover even with Sasha around.''

It seemed that Eren caught him examining the table and also read his mind in the meantime. Levi looked back at him after taking another drink from the bottle.

''What do you mean?''

''Oh, you'll see in due time. It seems they ate at work so for now the table is safe. – Levi was _still_ confused and didn't fail to show his bewilderment. – Oh, right. Sasha and Connie have a catering firm together. They came here right after work but seems they let the client feed them. Let's say this job is peeeerfect for these two.''

''So, are they an item as well?''

Levi looked at the couple in mind that was chatting with Armin. Sasha was practically wrapped around Armin from behind, her long limbs around the shorter, blonde man while he smiled and laughed with his cheeks flushed as she rubbed her own cheek against his. Connie was laughing his head off and it looked like he was teasing Armin as well in between his laughs because after couple of words from Connie, Armin's cheeks became crimson.

''An item? These two come in a set and I don't think there's a force on this world that could separate them. I am surprised they still didn't tie the not. Not that it matters when they live, eat, breathe and probably go to the bathroom together.''

''Um, but Sasha is kinda doing a spider monkey on Armin right now?''

''Haha. Oh this? That's how they are. They're probably saying congrats to Armin, or they were. Seeing how he's blushing they're most possibly at the point of telling him how he should get laid.''

Levi raised his eye brows in surprise. It seemed Eren realized he shouldn't have said that and blushed.

''Well, he's been so busy with school lately I can't blame him. But he worked so hard for this I am really happy for him.'' So changing the subject it is.

''So, when do you want to get that thing from Mike?''

''Oh, let them drink some more. Will you help me out with it? I am sorry, you are a guest and I keep on asking for your…''

SMACK!

''What the hell was that for?!'' Eren asked as he rubbed the back of his head. Only by miracle he didn't drop the beer bottle he was holding.

''For annoying me.''

Levi stated as it was so obvious that he was surprised he even had to say it. Eren widened his eyes in shock.

''I was saying sorry wasn't I? That I am so….''

SMACK!

''God damn it?!''

''That's what's annoying. You apologizing for god knows what reason, as I don't see one.''

Levi looked ahead once more, a smug look on his face as he took a sip from his bottle. Eren couldn't believe it. He held in his laugh though the smacks were a tiny bit painful. Not that he wasn't used to it with Mikasa being his friend.

''Gosh. I get it. You're such a tsundere.''

''Huh? – Levi looked back at Eren. – What the hell did you just call me? Brat you better…''

Eren laughed before speaking.

''No, it's just a phrase from m…''

''Why the hell did you hit Eren?''

Ooops, seems Mikasa saw the incident.

''Chill, Mikasa. I deserved it. I was being a douche.''

Mikasa looked back and forth from Eren and Levi. She seemed to be pondering about something and then nodded.

''Alright. If you deserved it.''

And then she walked away. For the second time this evening Eren stood dumbfounded and at loss to his best friend's behavior. He was sure she would do something to Levi. What the hell was going on here?

''I think you might have been exaggerating with this over-protective thing about her.''

''Oh, she's over-protective alright. It's just today she's, I don't even know what she's doing today. Oh, well. You won't see me complaining.''

Levi knew it wasn't a good thing to keep being glued to Eren but it simply wasn't him to go up to the others and say the standard 'what's up'. Not that he would say the phrase, well, _ever._ But being with Eren and listening to him rant on was comfortable. Despite his better judgment he liked to listen to the brunet chatter. It seemed like he could go on and on and the second beer he was starting seemed to help with the speed of words slipping past his lips.

Plus there was another problem of, well, _him._ Him and his demeanor. Levi knew when Eren's friends introduced themselves they were simply being polite. He was too aware of the 'keep away' vibe he was giving off. That's just how he was and there was nothing he could do about it. Not that he ever tried or wanted to change it.

But it kept people off and it might be making Eren uncomfortable. Whether it would be because he didn't want Levi to think of his friends bad or because it would mean he had to keep him company for the whole night. Levi could see it in his behavior. He was too nice to leave him but Levi knew he wanted to chat with his other friends as well. Some part of him was thinking about leaving earlier. He didn't want to put Eren in a tight spot especially considering how the climate of this party was calm and at ease.

It was just as Eren said. Not so much a party but a simple get together for everyone to meet and chat. Not that all they were doing was chatting. Connie, after rummaging Eren's RTV drawers, took out the play station and hooked it up. Ymir was sitting on one of the big poufs with Krista on her lap and chatting with Mikasa who sat on another chair. Armin was munching on something at the table when Sasha jumped on him, wrapping her arms and legs around him. It seemed she wanted him to play as well. Jean and Marco were…. Levi tilted his head and contemplated if what they were doing could still be defined as _dancing._

Eren, who sat next to him on yet another pouf, looked towards where his gaze was and groaned.

''Oy, horseface! Get a room!''

They separated from each other to a distance enabled Levi to tell which limb was whose now. Marco seemed to have been lost in their _dancing_ and now blushed crimson and looked away.

''What, are you offering we can use yours?'' Jean said and wiggled his eyebrows.

''Hells no. But seriously, _guys?_ ''

''Alright, alright. Who got your panties in a knot? Come on Marco, I am kind of hungry.''

Marco only nodded but on the way Levi saw him whisper something to Jean. Whatever it was, it caused Jean's ears to go in the matching color with Marco's cheeks.

Levi chuckled under his breath and looked back at Eren. And then his eyes caught sight of something and he barely held in laughter.

''You got another one on 12.''

''Huh?'' Eren looked back confused and let out another groan. He turned back and took a very long sip from his bottle.

''I swear, sometimes I feel like a matchmaker.''

Sure enough, behind him, Ymir had her hands all over Krista. It seemed she took the opportunity the moment Mikasa left, who went to see what the others were playing.

Levi didn't say anything, he also refused to think. He was scared to ponder on the topic, scared where his thoughts might take him with the 'couple' subject in charge.

''Oh, I think it might be a good moment to get that thing. What do you say?''

Levi only nodded and went to the kitchen with Eren. He also remembered the bag he brought so right after might be a good moment to use Eren's kitchen for a while.

They got the box out of the fridge, Mikasa, a keen beast caught right away what was going on and followed them, was keeping an eye out for Armin and they got everything together.

Levi looked at Eren while he got the candle set up. He had a grin on his face so big Levi was wondering if it actually hurt the brat. He helped Eren lit it up and soon they were back in the living room.

''Yo, Arlert. Got something for you buddy.''

''Huh?''

Armin, who was sitting with Sasha and Connie on the carpet turned around. The moment he saw the enormous, chocolate vanilla cake Eren was holding, with a single firework candle going off, his eyes widened. He sat there for a moment, letting what was going on sink in.

Moments later, his eyes were shining and he was getting up, a little wobbly on his feet. He opened his mouth to speak few times but it seemed the words died on their way out. Everybody got up and formed a circle around him when he walked up to Eren. Levi kept a little off to the side, letting the friends have their moment.

When Armin finally walked up to Eren and looked at the cake he was holding, he burst out laughing.

Soon, the candle burned out, the sizzling sound gone and Armin spoke. His eyes were foggy with tears but his face was emanating pure happiness.

''Thank you guys so much. You didn't have to. It's stupid. But one thing – a pi?''

Sure enough, on top of the cake there was a letter PI written in chocolate icing. It was Sasha's idea.

''It fits you.'' Jean spoke, as he walked up to the smaller man and pat him on the back.

''But it's so…dorky.''

''Exactly!'' It was Eren's turn to speak and grin with satisfaction.

Armin tried to look offended and mean but failed with the task. Everyone burst out laughing and came up to him to congratulate him once more.

Mikasa gave him a big hug into which, judging by Armin's expression, she put a lot of her strength.

He received a quick man type of hug from Jean and a handshake from Marco, who acted a bit unsure. Jean caught sight of it and pushed him to Armin and the two men had no choice but to hug as well. It looked funny considering their height difference; Marco hugged Armin's face to his chest. Both men separated they were tinted with crimson. After, Marco went to Jean and shoved him to the side for being a douche.

They all seemed to be the touchy feely kind as Sasha hugged him too though Connie kept it with the handshake and a pat on the back.

Though Ymir and Krista were the cherry on the cake as they both went to either side of Armin and planted big sloppy kisses on his cheeks. Levi could've sworn he saw a pouf of smoke emanate from the top of his head when he turned the deepest shade of red Levi has ever seen.

There was no end to laughter after that.

''Let me take that.'' Eren looked at Levi, confused. He was so caught up in looking at his friends that he forgot about holding the cake.

''Yes, please. I'll go to him too.''

Levi took the cake and the opportunity to scarce to the table with it. He figured he had some time to cut it up while others still were touchy with each other.

He was looking around for a knife when he heard someone walk behind him. He turned around to find Armin there, a little less red but still pinkish around the eyes.

''I heard your friend was the one that got us this cake on a late notice. Please thank him for me. And I'd also like to thank you for coming here.''

Levi really was at loss what he should do. He was really bad at this. So he kept it safe and nodded and said.

''No problem. Mike was happy to do it. Oh right. He said to say congratulation to you too. Forgot.''

Levi wasn't sure what he said but Armin chuckled.

''Thank you, again.''

''Um… Hope you like that cake.''

''Eren says it has mandarins and strawberries so I am sure I will like it. They're my faves.'' Armin gave him the grin that reminded him so much of Eren. They both were so happy go lucky type of men.

''If you'll excuse me, I'll go get a knife from the kitchen.''

When Levi was gone, Eren, who was looking from a safe distance not to be spotted but still could hear what they were saying, walked up to Armin. Of course his best friend saw right through him.

''It's rude to eavesdrop.''

''I wasn't eavesdropping. I was simply… waiting for the opportune moment to walk up to you.''

Armin didn't grace Eren with any sort of comment to his bullshit spouting and changed the topic.

''He seems a little…lost here, Eren.''

''I know. I don't think he feels comfortable with our friends. I might know him for only a while but I should've figured he might be too keen about this new situation and with a room full of new, and let's not kid ourselves otherwise, _odd_ people. I just don't know what to do… But what do _you_ think about him? Be honest, please.''

''Aren't I always? He seems a bit…hostile in his face expressions but I feel he's not a bad guy. He's too courteous for that. Even if he emanates a bit of a scary aura.''

Eren only sighs to that. He's too aware just what Armin is talking about. Not that he cares all too much what his friends think of Levi. He likes him and that's all it matters, even if others might not see the kind soul Eren knows Levi hides deep, _very deep_ inside.

He just doesn't want Levi to feel like he's wasted his time here and look like he's suffering through the evening.

''But lighten up, the night's still young. There's still so much food to be eaten and liquor to be drunk so there's hope that things might loosen up. And now shush, your crush – Eren jabbed Armin's ribs with his elbow – is coming back and he's carrying a huge knife. Sorry Eren, but _that_ sight kinda makes me shiver. He is a _little_ scary.''

Armin gave him an apologetic glance but Eren understood. Even he felt a chill run down his spine at the sight of a shorter man, caring a knife almost as big as his head and wide as his hand, all dressed in a black polo and black fitted jeans. It was a chill of fear, wasn't it? Eren fought off any further thoughts and smiled at Levi.

''Thanks.'' He said as Levi, without a word, handed him the knife.

''Now, I'll use your kitchen for a bit.''

Before Eren could react in any way, Levi was gone. He wanted to follow him but others gathered around, paper plates in hand and waiting for him to give them a piece of the cake. The hunger in Sasha's and Connie's eyes made him rethink about abandoning the task of feeding his friends.

When everyone had a piece of the cake, Armin getting the first slice, Sasha and Connie already eating up their seconds, Eren took a plate with a slice of cake and walked to the kitchen. What in the world was Levi doing there that was taking up so long.

At first he couldn't fully comprehend what he was seeing, slightly puzzled upon seeing such an…uncommon thing. But what was more surprising was seeing _Levi_ , out of all people, doing it in his kitchen. And he was so concentrated at the task at hand, his brows furrowed even more than usually and it was obvious he hadn't realized that Eren was there.

Eren, not wanting to startle the man and break his concentration, stood there and watched. His smile widening as he looked at Levi's smooth and natural moves. It was something so simple yet it fascinated Eren to no end as he started as Levi's muscled arms moved and flexed.

He had to hold in a quiet yelp when he saw Levi's tongue stick out just a little as he bit it in pure attentiveness to adding and stirring the liquid in the containers ahead of him. Eren never knew seeing someone mixing a drink or two could be this mesmerizing and he almost groaned when Levi put everything down, reaching to the side for the glasses he must've prepared earlier. It seemed he didn't hold back with rummaging his kitchen and it made Eren feel happy for some unknown reason.

He felt it would be rude to stay quiet anymore and coughed quietly to indicate that he was there. Levi's head snapped up and looked at Eren, surprise in his eyes. It seemed Eren was quite dead on the spot with assumption that the rest of the world was dead to Levi as he focused on the task of mixing liquor.

''Sorry. I didn't want to interrupt and make you spill anything. Though, I have to ask – why are you doing this?''

Levi looked at Eren for a moment and then went back to busying his hands. For whatever the reason, he did not want to look at Eren when answering the question. Eren entertained the thought that he might be embarrassed being caught for a short moment.

''I figured, since you and your lot didn't appreciate some better liquor that I'd make some drinks and add some variety to it. You can't keep drinking beer all your life. Can't be helped with you brats. Be grateful.''

Eren did everything in his power not to chuckle at Levi's 'tsundere'ish' behavior and nodded.

''I am, Levi. I am. – Eren said in almost a whisper he wasn't sure Levi heard. – Here. I brought you cake. But can I ask where did you learn to mix drinks? The way you're doing this seems…professional. I am intrigued.''

Levi answered him with a huff like chuckle and a small 'tck' at the end as a bit of liquid spilled on the counter. At the moment he was holding three metal containers, connected by the end, each held different colored liquid that he poured into three glasses. The last one slightly missed the glass and few droplets landed on the kitchen surface.

''It's been a while since I've done this.'' Levi grumbled under his breath.

Eren was still mesmerized by the short 'show' Levi put up. Spill or no spill it was something altogether.

''Don't worry about it.'' Eren was holding a paper towel and wiping the counter in moments.

When Levi said no more and prepared more drinks, fishing more bottles from the, now not so mysterious, black bag, his hands working with more speed as he went on, Eren just watched again. His question seemed to be forgotten.

When there were around dozen glassed filled with multicolored drinks, decorated in fruits, some with ice, while others decorated simply by the fact that they were in two-three different colors in layers, Levi finally answered his questions. Of course he started to clean after himself as he spoke. Organizing the bottles with alcohol on the counter, arranging cups with the drinks by color, putting away used containers into the sink to wash them later.

''I went through many odd jobs while I was younger. As you can guess I was a bartender for a short while in collage. Though I don't remember the last time I mixed a drink. Wasn't even sure I could do it. So you're my guinea pigs. Deal.''

He finally looked up and his eyes widened. Though Eren had no idea why until he realized Levi wasn't looking at him but _behind_ him. He groaned in his mind, predicting what might be happening.

Sure, soon enough he heard Sasha's squeal behind him and seconds later, she was next to him, leaning on the counter, her big brown eyes glued to Levi like he was an angel incarnate. Levi on the other hand looked…maybe constipated was a good word for it.

''Oooo, looks yummy. It was a great show you put on. What drinks are these? Can I have one? Did I say they look yummy?''

Levi looked at Eren, a pleading look in his eyes for barely a brief moment but he saw it nevertheless. Yet he wasn't sure how he could actually help him, especially when the rest gradually approached the counter.

''Um, sure. This one is…'' and he started naming the drinks and pointing at them. Maybe he didn't need the rescuing Eren thought he did.

He noticed that Armin stood next to him and looked at his friend.

''So maybe it's not going to be a _total_ disaster?'' Armin said as he smiled at Eren.

''Not sure. I have a feeling I might get a smack or ten after he frees himself of them.''

Armin started laughing and then spoke.

''So I wasn't the only one to see that?''

Eren watched in aw but also in a bit of horror as his friends swarmed around Levi, picking drinks according to their preference.

Sasha was sipping her pink colored one with such a smile plastered to her face, Eren figured a phrase of having culinary orgasm might not be too far off in her case at the moment. Connie was cringing and smiling alternatively. Eren was guessing his was a little bitter, just as his friend liked. Even horseface grabbed a green one and was chatting with a smile with Marco, who held a glass with the identical one. Figured they even drank similar things.

Krista was sipping a rainbow colored one, her petite face as always held a smile and was chatting with Levi as Ymir hovered over her. Her hands were around Krista's neck in not a subtle gesture of protectiveness. Levi shook his head in defeat but answered whatever Krista was asking.

Thankfully, after getting their drinks, some of them left and went back to the living room. All who were left in the kitchen was Eren, Levi, Krista, Ymir, Mikasa and Armin. Whatever it was, Krista seemed to catch some kind of mutual topic and something told him, despite Levi's earlier reassurance, Ymir still wasn't too happy about it.

''So, how tall are you exactly?'' Eren and Armin groaned in union. Krista nudged her elbow in Ymir's stomach. Mikasa of course looked smug and kept silent.

''Ymir, stop it. It's rude. Plus others swarmed him with questions earlier too. Levi doesn't seem want to answer them and that's ok.'' She send him her kind smile and Eren, who stood on the side and could see both of them, saw Levi wasn't sure how he should react now. Not when Krista was being the sweetheart he knew she could be. Then Eren saw an evil smirk on Levi's face and almost gulped in fear.

''You're all curious. Got it. But how about this, you try and guess an answer to whatever question you might have and I'll say if you're right or not. When you're wrong, you take a shot. When you are right I take one.''

Levi's face showed challenge and Ymir answered it with her own cheeky smile.

''Love it. Let's get to it. Got some liquor for shots in that magic collection of yours?'' Ymir asked as she pointed to the black bag with her head.

''Don't you worry about that.''

''But anyone can play that right? Not only me?''

''You're at the disadvantage, so sure. Other brats can join.''

Before Eren knew it, the girls were on their way to the living room, Levi following them. But he stopped on the way and stood in front of Armin and Eren.

''You – he pointed at Eren with his finger. – Not playing. You know too much. – Eren only nodded as answer. Then Levi turned around to the counter and grabbed some glass with orange drink, one of the many that were still left. He turned around and presented it to Armin. – This one's for you.''

Armin, who seemed to also be a little scared to speak also nodded in answer and took the glass. Then, Levi was gone, on his way to the living room, a bottle of clear alcohol in hand that had the little tube thing at the end, that made it easier to pour shots.

Eren and Armin looked at each other and both shrugged.

''Oh well. Seems he's adjusting.'' Armin nodded and took a sip. Then his eyes widened and took another sip of orange liquid. His face spoke volumes. It was delicious. Then Armin started laughing and wrapped an arm around Eren.

Eren was confused as his friend dragged him and refused to speak.

This evening was getting more interesting.

 

 

''So, what do you do?'' Krista asked so it meant she was the one to guess.

They were all around the coffee table, scattered on chairs, poufs, sofa and couch and some on the floor. The bottle half empty, four shot from the glasses that Ymir brought from the table in corner already used. Levi leaning on the back of the chair, his foot swung on his knee as he sat at the head of the table and waited for questions.

So far, Ymir had to take two shots for missing his height, Connie for assuming Levi was 38 had to take two because Levi said so, Sasha who guessed Eren met Levi at the hospital had Levi take one shot, but had to take one herself when assuming he was a patient there, and Jean had to take one when he asked if Eren was his boyfriend. A shot and a smack over the head from Eren as well.

Krista pondered and hummed in thought.

''Hmm…let's see. A cop?''

Levi actually had to hold back a laugh at that as he shook his head.

It meant a shot for her. After that they kept guessing his job, their choices becoming more and more ridiculous and soon enough no one, except the trio, who knew the answer to most questions and were obliged to keep quiet, had taken a shot.

Shortly Eren joined in, taking a chance to ask some questions he knew nothing about. And so game went on, questions stupid and absurd and their guesses even more so. But it was fun and Levi didn't fail to take multiple shots himself, though it wasn't all too easy to guess what the mysterious, raven black haired man in front of them hid behind those unreadable expressions.

Connie was out, his limp body on the sofa; his legs were swung over the comforter and his head on the other. He got a bit too into the guessing game, forgetting a penalty was in order for being wrong. Krista backed out, saying she couldn't take anymore and the evening was still young, Marco, Jean and Sasha also said quits. Armin only asked one question and it took his three guesses to get it right and Eren simply had nothing more to ask. That left Levi, Ymir and Mikasa. All three had this determined look as they looked at each other.

The second bottle of vodka was in motion, half of it already gone, when the main question, the one that started it all, came back.

''Hmm. Do I guess in feet or centimeters?'' Ymir pondered and eyed Levi, as if she could measure him by only looking.

''Could be feet if you're too chicken for centimeters.''

Ymir gasped at him and then growled.

Armin, Eren and Krista also let out a sound, but theirs was a groan, a sign of defeat. Now Levi's done it. Eren feared even the second bottle might not be enough.

''Bring it. Hmm… 150?'' Levi gaped for a second and then let out an angry and short 'no' and gestured for Ymir to drink.

''Damn, you're shorter than Eren but are you taller than Connie? Can't remember… 155?''

A smug look on his face and a shake of the head was all that Levi did. Another shot for Ymir it was. Seven more guesses and still a no. It seemed she was too stubborn to simply count up. If she did, she would've got it earlier, Eren thought.

''Hmm, 160?'' Levi growled as he bent to take a glass. Ymir raised her hands in triumph and yelled. Others turned around to look for a moment, shook their heads and went back to whatever they were doing.

''Now, your work. It's a tough one. What can a mi…a man like you do.'' Her words started to slur just a little and everybody caught the unsaid 'midget'. Still, Ymir tried another three times and failed.

It took Krista to stop her.

''Come on Ymir. You don't want to get drunk so early and without me, right babe?''

The 'babe' must've done it as Ymir nodded and got up. She turned around and glared at Levi. Though is a glare with a wide smile on the face still considered a glare?

''You got this one, little one. – She pointed her finger to Levi, putting it up to his face so close she was neat to poking him in the eye, which Levi widened to her sudden gesture. – But I'll guess it next time. – She stepped back and turned to walk away but then turned one more time. - But I like ya.''

And then she left and Eren sighed with relief. Though the 'little one' at the end of that one sentence was something Ymir could've left out. He already wanted to say something to Levi about it but the said man was smiling and shaking his head.

''Later, tell your friend what I do. Let her consider it a consolation prize.''

Eren nodded with a smile. He went to the kitchen to get himself another beer and wanted to talk to Levi but when he came back to the living room he saw him being dragged by the hand by Krista and pushed back to the TV by Sasha. The blonde seemed to have been the one to take a few more drinks that Levi prepared.

''Come on, Levi. Play with us. Connie is dead at the moment, and Jean and Marco are too busy making out in Eren's bedroom to play.''

''Huh?!'' Eren registered the last one only, and ran to his bedroom. Levi would have to deal with the ladies' force by himself.

He got to the door of his bedroom and inside in a record time. But when he got there he didn't see the horny duo. He was confused until he heard a commotion coming from his wall closet. He took few more steps and sure enough Jean and Marco were on the floor, rummaging through his things.

''What exactly are you doing here?''

They looked up in union. Jean looked normal but Eren noticed Marco's cheeks to be tinted with crimson, and it didn't look like his usual blush. He hit the alcohol more bravely tonight and it showed.

''Oh, Jaeger. We're looking for a blanket for Connie. Seems he might be out for a bit more.'' Eren raised his eyes brows so high in shock he predicted they disappeared behind his fringe.

''What? I can be nice. Don't look surprised.''

''Yeah, right.''

''I can. I just choose not to be nice to you.''

''Gu-.'' Marco said in almost a whine, knowing what was coming.

''Oh, you don't have to tell _me._ I know all too well how not nice you can be to everyone but me, dickface.''

''What the… it's not like you don't deserve it. You're…''

''Guys! Stop it. Please. Not tonight at least?'' Eren and Jean looked at Marco, who seemed almost desperate.

''Fine. The blankets are on the left, on the shoe boxes.''

After that, Eren left them but stopped and leaned on of the hallway wall to calm down.

Each fight with Jean was the same. It started out of nowhere. One said something wrong, the other talked back and then it was an avalanche of jells, offensive language and name calling. It always left Eren mad and frustrated.

He didn't even know why he'd start some of those fights; it wasn't like he did it on purpose most of the time. He supposed it's been so long since he and Jean had this bad blood between them that it became second nature to provoke Jean. A second nature he loathed.

It also wasn't like they _always_ hated each other. They used to be friends and close ones too. Back in middle school some might've thought that they could only bicker and argue. But their stupid squabbling would always end in laughter, noogies and playful jabs in the ribs. There used to be amusement at the end, smiles and chuckles.

Now it was only anger and rage. Now their friends had to sometimes almost pull them back from exchanging fists in not so friendly fights. Now there were glares and hateful looks. Eren could county only few times in the past years that he had a normal conversation with Jean.

Though, ever since Marco appeared in Eren's life and then when he became an inseparable part of Jean's life, things somewhat calmed down. Eren wasn't sure why, but they did.

But they weren't the same. Not how they were those 10 years ago. And it pained Eren sometimes. He refused to think about it for too long, he didn't like to ponder how messed up it was between them, he _knew_ it was not normal. He might act mad and play pissed even at the mention of Jean's name, but a part of him misses his friend.

He tried couple of times to patch it up but something was always wrong. Something was between them and it refused to let Eren remake the bond that used to be.

_Used to be._

Agh, how Eren hated that phrase!

He despised thinking about things that _were_ and how he couldn't do shit to bring them back.

It seemed his friendship with Jean was just one of those things that _used to be._ Eren tried and tried to accept it as is, not as it _was_.

Though it was much easier said than done.

Eren rubbed his face with his hands and stopped the line of thoughts that caught him off guard. It was a freaking party. For the second time today he was pondering about things that should be forgotten and put away. It wasn't time to be depressed and think about useless past events and feelings.

Then he thought he might take a pillow for Connie as well and walked back inside his bedroom. He was about to say something when he saw the two men.

Jean was currently on the floor, with his legs spread out in front of him, Marco on his lap, while he straddled him.

They were making out slowly. One of Jean's hands on the back of Marco's head, plying with his dark locks. The other slipped Marco's shirt up at the hem and his fingers leisurely caressed the bit of exposed skin. Marco had both his arms tightly around Jean's neck and was nudging nearer and nearer to him, like it was any more possible for both men to be even closer.

At first Eren wanted to yell that his bedroom wasn't a place for them to make out, that they should keep it in their pants until they go back home. But then Marco tilted his head to the side and Jean's lips traced down to his neck. He must've done something because seconds later Marco let out a chuckle and soon after quietly moaned out Jean's name.

And then Eren heard Jean's laughter in response before he went back to doing whatever at Marco's collarbones.

Jean's laughter, a simple chuckle. Light and breeze. It's been some time since he's heard that.

After a sigh he backed away and left them to themselves. He'd let them off this once. But if they don't come back in next ten minutes he'd interrupt then. He'd allow a make out session but letting them frick frack, in his bedroom at that, was another thing altogether.

When he got back to the living room another surprise awaited. But this one was more PG rated.

Levi was sitting on a pouf, Krista and Sasha on his right sitting on the floor and Ymir on his left on another pouf. Levi and Ymir were playing a game. Krista was whispering something to Levi from time to time which made Eren walk in closer with curiosity.

Armin stood next to him and spoke.

''They're playing Mortal Combat and she's telling him how to play the game. He said he never really played any games and wanted to back out but you know our girls. No force can stop them when they are up to something.''

Eren nodded in response and looked from the side. He could see Levi's face now and it showed the same concentration it did when he was making drinks. He might've acted like not wanting to play, but now Eren could see he was giving his all, his brows so furrowed they almost connected. It was quite entertaining and funny at the same time.

Still, Eren knew better than to laugh and kept watching as Levi's fingers pushed the buttons on the control pad with more force as time went on.

''Ymir is actually a bit pissed. Krista is helping him, he sucked at the beginning, like big time but now he's beaten her couple of times already.''

 

 

After that things went more smoothly. Jean and Marco emerged from his bedroom within the time limit. Their clothes seemed to be in tact though Jean's hair was another thing. Guess Marco was holding on to other things later on. But Eren pushed those thoughts off.

He had one round of playing with Levi, which he won thank you very much. Not that Levi wasn't good. That little shit caught up with the game instantly.

Connie woke up somewhere after an hour and a half nap. A little embarrassed and sleepy but resumed with the party. When he did, Levi had the chance to see what Eren meant at the beginning, when he said there was too much food even with Connie and Sasha around.

That is to say, Connie also woke up hungry. In matter of minutes he consumed so much food it's unimaginable. Eren saw Levi stare as more and more food disappeared in that little body.

And whatever he ate must've contained a lot of sugar, because about 15minutes later he was almost jumping off the walls with Sasha at the side. Though in her case, it was due to couple more drinks that Levi made.

But it was Krista who seemed the biggest fan of those ''pretty colored'' drinks as she later on called them. She was tipsy and even Ymir was little surprised. But everyone knew Ymir was far from complaining as it seemed it made Krista braver in groping her. Ymir was on cloud nine.

So at around midnight, everyone was pretty boozed up, some more (Krista, Connie, Sasha and Marco), some less. Armin was lying on the couch with his head on Mikasa's lap while they chatted and drank beer.

Marco and Jean were slow dancing while Marco groped and kneaded Jean's ass, however no one seemed fazed about it at this point.

Ymir was playing with Connie, although it was a mystery how he still managed to hold the controller and actually not loose miserably while being this drunk, as Sasha hung off of him, arms around his shoulders and randomly kissed his neck, cheek or lips whenever he did well. She was only a bit more sober than him.

Eren and Levi took some chairs and sat that table to actually eat something this evening. Eren held back all comments when Levi mostly stuffed his plate with chocolate chips cookies.

''I will kill somebody in a moment, I swear I will!'' Connie yelled and slammed the pad with this knuckles as he lost again. Levi and Eren looked in the direction and both sighed in union.

''Honey, you can't. – Sasha said as she nuzzled her nose to his neck. - Krista would have put your sexy ass in jail then.''

''Oh, I doubt that. I bet she would actually keep his bootey out of it. She has a soft spot for us, unlike for other criminals. Right honey-bun?'' Ymir said and looked at Krista, who was laying on her stomach, face down on one of the poufs and rolling around on it.

''Yeah I would Connie. You know I rock!''

After that it was idle chit chat.

Levi looked back at Eren, confused.

''Oh, Krista's an attorney. And good one from what I hear. She barely finished school and already doing great job in helping put away the bad guys. Though her agreeing to turn the blind eye to the law for her friends is a little…'' Eren chuckled and took a sip of beer.

''That tiny thing is a lawyer?''

''Yep, and a damn good one. But really? Are you sure _you_ should be picking on someone's s…''

And he got hit on the forehead with a grape. Better to keep quiet while Levi had so much 'ammo' within his reach. Eren chuckled and decided to not finish that sentence.

''But it seems my friends took a liking to you. I'm kinda glad and relieved…''

''Hmm, why?''

Levi was looking at him with the all knowing glare and right away Eren knew he shouldn't have said that.

''Um, I mean, not that… I just…''

And then Levi smiled that evil smile of his and Eren knew he was being played again.

''Calm down. I know what type of person I am; you don't have to sugar coat it. Plus, your friends seem to lack self-preservation instinct.''

''Huh? What do you mean?''

''Really? Seems you are too so there's no point in explaining.''

''Oh, I get it. Come on. You're not _that_ scary. You might want to be but we all know better. Underneath you're just all fluffy and puffy and…''

And Eren, who also did not cut back on the liquor, shut up. He may be drunk and the alcohol might've loosened his tongue but he was not suicidal just yet. That glare was telling him to zip those lips tight.

''Eren!'' He was saved. Or so he thought. It was Krista. She was yelling and _skipping_ towards him.

''Eren, my sweet munchkin! Please dance with me? Ymir is kicking Connie's butt and I just _need_ to dance. Like right now. Please? Please? Please?''

Ok, he hadn't seen Krista this drunk, well, _ever._ Or maybe he did at hers and Ymir's house warming party and he just didn't remember?

''Um, Krista I'd…'' Eren hesitated as he glanced at Ymir, who was playing and screaming profanities at the same time.

''Oh, you worrying about Ymir? She said she won't glare and won't kill ya this time. I made her promise so let's gooooooo.''

At this point she was tugging on his shirt, pulling it up and unceremoniously revealing half his torso. He blushed as he tried to pull it down. Levi was covering his mouth with his hand as he pretended he wasn't looking at the scene before him.

''Alright Krista. I am coming. Please, let go off my shirt before you tear it.''

''Ooo, right. Sorry. But you got a nice tummy. Nothing to ashamed of Eren. On contrary you should…'' Eren covered her mouth as he got up before she started spouting some more embarrassing shit.

''Thank you. Let's go already. – He looked at Levi, who pretended he was immersed in looking through the plate with cake next to him. – You don't mind if…''

''Oh no. – Levi looked at him. – Go. Before the lady here strips you. Though that'd be…'' He didn't finish the sentence and went back to the cake.

When he found himself at the space designated for the dancing he felt some blood leave his face. He was dancing with Krista, thank god it was nothing slow or he would have Ymir to answer to, when Connie, who stopped playing and gave the controller to Sasha some time ago, ran out of his bedroom with a cackling laughter.

''Hahaha! Lookie guys! Eren's kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinky. Look what I found in his closet. It's not hardcore SM but it has potential!''

Eren, whose back was to the hallway at the moment, stopped in mid step and slowly turned his head, scared what Connie was talking about. Though he had a slight idea what it might be. When he saw what was dandling from Connie's hands, his fears came true.

Connie had both arms raised above his head as he laughed and danced in place, one held black leather hand and leg cuffs while the other held bundle of rope and normal handcuffs.

Eren froze, not believing… No, refusing to believe it was happening. He let go of Krista's hands long ago and stood there. After a moment of primary shock, his brain restarted and he did the first thing that came to his mind, he ran over to Connie while others registered what was going on and started laughing.

Maybe there was _some_ mercy for him when he managed to take those objects away from Connie without much problem. When he did, and Connie went to attack the food at the table like nothing happened, Eren turned around to look at others.

He felt his face was movements from getting some degree burn. They were all chuckling and saying things about not thinking Eren was this kinky, that it was a surprise, and he thought he caught Sasha saying something about lending it to her sometime. He knew it was useless to explain so he went back to his room, defeated and mumbling under his breath.

When he came back he figured it was best to get things over as soon as possible, so he directed his steps to Levi, at whom he refused to look at earlier. When he sat back down in his earlier chair, defeated and tired, he did the inevitable and looked up. Levi had a poker face as usual as he looked at Eren.

Eren opened his mouth to speak, to explain that the cuffs were Armin's joke present for Valentines as they both were single this February; that the rope was for rock climbing when him, Mikasa and Armin would go on mountain trips; that… ok, those last handcuffs, he had nothing to defend it with. He bought them himself at some sex shop, though it was couple of years prior. He even forgot about them.

But his chance to speak was lost when Levi started laughing and he was amazed with the look and the sound before him. He should be mortified that Levi was laughing at him as well but the sight was something else, something that'd stay in his mind for a long, long time.

It was a short laugh but it did wonders to Eren. When Levi looked at him again he still felt embarrassed out his mind and he slumped his head on the table but inside, something was lifted off.

''This was something. Your friends even are more _interesting_ when they are drunk. I wonder what else they might drag out. Maybe this time it will be from the bathroom, some kind…''

''Oh, shut it. I am depressed as it is. You don't have to rub it any more, you sadist.''

Levi said nothing and just patted his back.

 

* * *

 

 

''Oh maaaan. They finally l - *hiccup* - left. ''

Eren said as he lay on the floor, at the foot of the sofa that they spread out. They also laid a blanket and two pillows on it earlier and on top of which was sleeping a lifeless form of Marco.

He was hugging one of the pillows, his arms and legs wrapped around it, wearing nothing more than boxers, and the top blanket kicked off his body at the foot of the sofa for the multiple time in last half an hour.

It was around 3am and the world was dead to him since around 1am.

But the reason for his undressed state? At some point he though it would a wonderful idea to drink the juice straight from 2L the bottle while it was full. His drunken hand slipped and the bottle which he tilted to the maximum landed on his head and almost every drop of juice landed on his clothes, which now hung in the hallway bathroom to dry.

Eren said he could lend him a t-shirt, he had some bigger ones that would surely fit him but pants were another thing. Marco was simply too tall compared to him.

''I can see why that amount of alcohol was needed. Your friends can hold it quite well.''

''Right? Though I-I think you would've defeated Ymir with that shot game if you started drinking equally. *Hiccup* You drank some amount as well and you're soooooo not d-drunk.''

Eren said, his head on the floor as he stared at the ceiling, gazing at Levi from time to time. He sat on couch on his left.

''And you sooooo are.'' Levi mocked Eren.

''Am not!''

''Yes, you are.''

''So. Am. Not!''

''Ugh, I am not doing this. I don't know how I am still here, but I have to go now.''

Levi made an attempt to get up but Eren was quicker, how in his drunken state, Levi couldn't comprehend, and grabbed Levi's left calf and wrapped his arms around it. Levi stood in place and looked at the brat at his feet.

''Noooooo. – He whined into his leg. – Don't goooooo. I do not want to be left with the horseface alooooooone.''

Levi sighed and sat back down. He shook his leg to make Eren let him go. Thankfully he did right away and lied back on the floor.

''Why do you even call him that? Horseface?''

''Because he has a _horse_ _face_?''

Eren said as it was the most obvious thing in this world. Maybe there was no use to talk to Eren any more. He'd stay here a bit more, until both Jean and Marco left or until Eren would fall asleep and wouldn't whine to him.

''You know, it wasn't always like that between us?'' Eren spoke, his voice quiet and if Levi didn't know better he would think Eren was sober.

"We used to be so, so close. He was equal to Mikasa and Armin. Not behind. **_Equal_** damn it!''

Eren hit the floor with his fist and the gruesome smile was back. The same one he had when he was telling Levi about how he met Jean and how things _used to_ be.

Levi knew Eren was drunk, that it was mostly the phase where the drunk feels like spilling beans on his feelings and all, that he should stop that stupid rant so Eren won't hate himself tomorrow but something told him to keep quiet. Even more so, he actually found himself asking questions.

''Then why isn't he anymore?''

''What? – Eren sat up instantly. – He still is! He still is…– He added once more but quietly and looked down at his hands. – He just doesn't want me…*hiccup* doesn't want me anymore to be in his top three. Hell, he doesn't want me in his top hundred. And when I… when I'd…''

And if Levi thought that, that smile was gruesome he had yet to hear the chuckle that escaped Eren's mouth. Compared to it, that smile was an expression of pure happiness. Levi completely didn't know how to deal with the scene before him.

Not only was he awful with _feelings_ in general, he sucked even more with other people's feelings. But what was worse, what made it even more uncomfortable was this sight of Eren presented to him.

Happy and cheerful Eren he could deal with. Giddy Eren he started to learn how to handle, he'd even dare to say he liked the brat. But this? This was something altogether different and terrifying to him. Sad and depressed Eren was so out of ordinary it seemed surreal. Was it because Levi knew him too short and formed a picture of Eren in his mind, one that showed brat being always on the positive side?

Levi was about to say something, something about not thinking about it today when he was drunk off his ass but Eren was faster and continued his talk. He looked at Levi, smiling while his eyes stayed dead and dark.

''It's funny you know? How we had our falling out? Me and Jean that is. Hell, I'll tell you. Nothing I can loose _now._ Too late for _that_. – Levi tried to cut in but it was no use. The flow of words poured out of Eren. It started to look more like a monologue, like he just needed to get it out of himself and Levi was just a pretend listener. – I told ya that we went to middle school together? Right, I did.

Well we also went to high school together. All four of us. That was around that time that I started to wonder you know? Why don't I think that this girl is pretty when other guys were drooling over her? Why don't I even bother trying to sneak some porn mags home? Hey, is it just me or is that porn boring? Things like that.

But I am not _that_ dumb as everybody might presume and after about a year of brainstorming I was almost sure that I was just gay and so called normal things didn't do it for me.

But don't worry. This isn't about how I come out and everyone tortures me to no end and I hate myself. Nah. When I realized things were as they are, when I was in my 3rd year I came out to my parents and friends. No pressure. My mom simply asked if I had a boyfriend, if that was a reason for _the talk_ while dad, well my dad needed a bit time to digest it. When I told Mikasa and Armin they did the thing you usually shouldn't do to someone confessing their sexuality. They said ''We know''.

Lucky bastards I love them too much.

But do you know what that dickhead did when I said I wanted to talk to him? You know what Jean did? He started shouting at me, spouting bullshit about god knows what and we ended in a fist fight. Our first fight of many more to come. I c-came out to everyone, most of our friends didn't even bat an eye and were like ''oh, ok'' and he? My best friend turned out to be a homophobe! He beat me up for being gay!

And the funny thing is that now he's being all out in the open with his relationship with Marco. But doesn't matter. I am really happy looking at them together now… – Eren gazed at Marco's sleeping posture with some longing sparking in his eyes. – But then?! He fucking told me some bullshit that I was a shitty friend! That he…that he was a fool to trust me and all shit like that.''

Eren was quiet for some time then, his fingernails interesting all of a sudden while Levi just looked at him and was really not sure what to say.

''And the most funny thing is. – Eren's voice was barely above whisper, and if he didn't look up and back at Levi he might've not heard him. – You know what the most ironic thing about this whole story is? – Eren's voice started to rise as he spoke. – It's that – and I haven't told this to anyone, not even the duo, so feel _honored._ – The last word was so filled with sarcasm, it almost felt like it's sole reason was to pierce anyone who was listening. – The most ironic thing about this whole thing i-is…''

Eren's voice faltered. He had to take deep breaths before speaking again. It was supposed to be easy; it was supposed to be quick. He was over it and it meant nothing anymore. Levi was just that one random person he would tell this to and be back to normal. But saying it out loud, for the first time in his life turned out to be harder than he imagined. Even being drunk off his ass didn't help.

''Eren, I think you should…''

''No! Let me finish. – Eren put up his hand to silence Levi. – Sorry, but you're going to be the one to hear me out. You're the casualty of this party to hear Eren Jaeger spill his guts.*Hiccup*''

''Eren, no you…''

''The biggest irony of my miserable life is that Jean was probably; no, he _was_ the one that made me realize and assure me I was gay. He was my very first crush. He was best friend, someone close to me. He was different than Mikasa and Armin; maybe because they are almost like my siblings, he was my _best-friend_. _Mine_. I met him first. I was actually planning to confess to him that day, you know? – Eren's eyes started to water and he blinked it away. Stupid alcohol making his eyes itchy. – But he…h-he hated my guts, hated that I was gay, he hated _me_ from that day on! A-and… and you know what else…''

Eren said, chuckling in between words, madness in his eyes and hurt Levi had never seen before. He leaned in closer to Levi as if he was telling a big secret. Levi wanted to stop him from talking but knew he'd fail.

''It would've hurt less if he'd just reject my confession, but he rejected _me,_ Levi. And I m-mmiss him. I loved him, I know I did. I got over it even though he was my first love ever, but I cannot even have a normal conversation with him now. I cannot even have our friendship…''

BAM!

That was the reason Levi tried to make Eren shut up. Now he had to deal.

''Y-you moron! You moronic, stupid, idiotic imbecile of a dimwit!''

Eren, who untangled his head from Marco's pants, because that was what hit his head seconds ago, looked at Jean in shock and with his mouth opened. He barely registered the names he was being called. All he was capable of thinking right now was that Jean heard it. Jean heard the truth, Jean heard him talk to Levi how he crushed on him, how he _loved_ him.

**Jean heard him.**

''Are you really moronic or are you going to say something you imbecile? Why didn't you say anything to me before? Why the fuck did you keep quiet all this time? Why the fuck you never said anything to even Mikasa or Armin? Why didn't you say anything to me?! T-that you… you liked me?''

Eren was coming back and now he was mad. Was Jean being stupid or simply ridiculous?

''Huh? Are you the moron now? – Eren stood up and they were now face to face, glaring at each other, only centimeters separating them. – Who the fuck almost bashed my head in when I said I was gay? Are _you_ the imbecile one not to remember you went with fists at me that day?''

''Agh!!! That was because I was furious that you didn't tell me first! Ok, maybe not first, Mikasa and Armin were first but that was ok. Then I waited and nothing! I knew you talked to them about something and were going to talk to me too. But nothing! I waited and nothing! Almost everyone knew but not me! I was your best friend and I found from a third party. No. Not even that. I didn't hear it from the person I was supposed to! I didn't hear it from _you_!''

Eren stood there and gaped. This was surrealistic.

''B-but you called me a stupid fag. You said I was an ass and you couldn't believe it.''

''Yes, that you left me out of one the most important things of your life! I was furious be-because you had the guts to do it while I was still were looking for m-mine. I was freaking mad because you didn't care to tell me in person. I was in rage that you knew you were gay yet you didn't fucking see I was crushing on you as well. I li... I also loved you, you bastard!!''

''Y-you…what?''

''Jean? Baby? You l-love Eren?''

Eren, Jean and Levi all looked at Marco, who, god knows when in all that chaos, woke up and was now standing on the sofa, looking with a sad look at Eren and Jean.

''Oh, my. Marco. It's not like…''

''Oh, boy. What the hell did I get myself into….'' Levi groaned in defeat as he put his head in his hands, dreading to look up and seeing what was to happen next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel awful for making you wait for such a long time for this. I really thought at first this chapter would only have one week delay but then things happened and...Well I hope you still enjoyed it and I atone a little by making this one _quite_ long ^_^  
>  Ps - The bottom part is somewhat un-beta'd so if you see any mistakes please forgive and tell me about it :)  
> And also, some silly mistake me and my lovely beta felt we could share with you (it made us laugh like crazy) - while writing the part describing the contents of the table, my subconscious must have surfaced and I wrote (and re-read it 2 times and **did not** see it until Ann (my beta) told me about it) bag full of SHIPS instead chips ^_^


	10. What the...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not what Eren would think he'd wake up to after the party. Anything, but _this_.

THUD-DUM!

 

THUD-DUM!

 

THUD-DUM!

 

What the hell was making so much noise? What was… _Groan._

Eren realized there was nothing making any noise whatsoever. It was all happening in his throbbing head that felt moments away from splitting in two. Even the quiet groan he let out seemed to be near the pain threshold pressure.

Another _groan_.

Why the hell was he even thinking about such things right now?

He blinked couple of times, praying to whoever was out there that the freaking sunlight would stop burning his eyes already. He tried to pick his left hand up to rub at the bridge of his nose so maybe the pain would ease but realized his arm was pinned to… where was he anyway? Where did he fall asleep? When did he fall asleep?

He abandoned the task of lifting his limb and looked at the ceiling, as he was currently lying on his back.

It took him a long moment, and after the analysis that he knew that picture and recognized that light he was guessing he was in his living room, most probably on his own couch.

Good, at least he managed to stay home this time.

But why was his hand pinned to the couch?

Moving his head to side, millimeter by millimeter only, in hopes not to stir his aching brain any more than needed, he looked to his left.

It took all his willpower, he was even surprised he still had any, but then again, maybe the memory of the pain helped him stop before screaming in shock.

Next to him, sleeping a blissful sleep, judging by the peaceful face expression, was Marco. He had his head right next to Eren's body, all of his four long, dark skinned limbs tightly wrapped around Eren's left arm. Marco was hugging it tightly to his bare upper body just as he was doing last night's evening with the pillow.

Eren was in such shock he just looked, blinking rapidly, in hopes that maybe with the next one, the picture before him would change.

It did not.

Even more so, Marco chose that moment to nuzzle his nose to his arm even more, and Eren judged only by feeling as their lower bodies were covered by a blanket, Marco tightened his grip on his arm with his legs.

Eren tried to fight it but felt a chill go down his spine as Marco's warm breath touched his arm's skin.

He gulped and looked down at himself now.

His own torso was just as bare as Marco but after a short thought, he felt he still had his boxers on. Not that it cheered him up. He still had no idea what the hell was going on here and only fear of the unbearable headache stopped him from jumping out of the bed.

His brain was working in slow motion, thinking brought pain and even his own breathing bothered him as too loud. But Eren was starting to wake, already half expecting what he would see if he'd turn his head to the right.

He started to register more and realized there was also pressure on his right shoulder.

Still, he closed his eyes, started to move his head in almost slow motion, pleading that his brain was too sore and he was wrong about what was coming.

He opened his eyes and almost whimpered in realization that his right shoulder was occupied by none other than Jean.

He was sleeping, Eren's shoulder a substitute for a pillow and when Eren's eyes wondered down he realized these two boyfriends had something in common once again.

Jean's right arm was lying right next to Eren. And Jean picked this precise moment to move it to his chest and slide it to the middle of Eren's torso and frighteningly close to his nipple, while his right leg was shamelessly spread out on top of the blanket and across Eren's lower body. The only part of Jean's body that was covered by the blanket was his ass, other than that, it was sticking out.

And just like the other two men, Jean's body was nude.

The blanket was tangled around Jean's butt in such a way it prevented skin to skin contact so Eren couldn't be even sure if the brown haired man had his boxers on. Eren was once more praying, hoping that he did.

Eren laid his head back on the pillow and looked up at the ceiling.

What now? What happened yesterday? He was trying to remember but his head simply hurt too much for any coherent thought to form. The only thing he was capable of thinking right now was his life was hell.

''No.. This is not happening. – Eren whispered to himself. – No. No. No…'' He started saying over and over and over again like a mantra.

''Oh, no brat. It's definitely a yes, this is so really happening.''

Eren cringed upon hearing the voice, his head pained and ached unbearably. The words seemed to echo in his skull, each one brought more and more sting as every single nerve in his brain screamed in agony. He was almost sure that this time his skull split in two. Or at least that's how Eren felt right now.

He did all in his power to pick his head up too look who was talking, but he was already quite sure who it was. He was screwed even more; his bad dream was becoming a full fledged nightmare now.

Somehow, he kept his head up long enough to see Levi, standing in his hallway, a cup in his hand.

Eren might be having his worst hangover **_ever_** , but even the worst headache wouldn't be able to keep him from noticing what was before him, only meters away, painfully within his reach.

It was so picture perfect, Eren didn't even try to not to stare.

Levi was leaning on his wall, in his apartment, with his hair disheveled, as if he'd just gotten up. His eyes tinted with a bit more shadow than usually under them that gave him this tired but undeniably sexy look that caught Eren's breath midway. His pale face was bearing slight signs of stubble that contradicted Levi's natural clean, shaven look but Eren thought this one was definitely just as appealing.

When Eren's eyes finally left that godly face, he noticed more and more things that forced him to grit his teeth in frustration. It was just too perfect. Levi's simple black polo that he had on, had all its button undone, showing off that pearly white skin and just a snip of the shoulder blades Eren knew now, he was obsessed with.

As Eren's eyes went on and down and he saw Levi's belt, Eren was sure he was wearing yesterday, was missing and it caused the pants to slide down and hang loose on those narrow hips. Just a tiny bit of Levi's left hip's skin was exposed as the shirt went up when Levi leaned to the side on the wall.

But Eren's grave was at the very end of the tiny god standing before him.

The moment Eren saw it he knew a tiniest, smallest whimper escaped his lips.

Levi was barefoot. His feet exposed, naked and for Eren to stare. He never realized he could be amazed by a simple sight of a man with only his socks off. Once more Levi proved, of course unconsciously, that he could make even the simplest things unbearably attractive.

''Stop your staring. I am really here and no you're not dreaming. This is very, very real, as well as the two bodies on your sides.''

That brought Eren right back on earth and he cringed in remembrance.

Then he heard some mumbling on his right and simply _knew_ life hated him. Out of the two options it just _had_ to be Jean that'd wake up first.

''Marco… just five more minutes.''

Eren wasn't sure if he should correct him and wake Jean up. He didn't know if he wanted his friend to wake up, well, _ever._

Still, he turned his head to the right and braced himself as he heard some smacking of the lips. Great, so Jean was hangover too and from the sound of it had some major drought in his mouth.

Better get this over fast.

When Eren looked at Jean, the mentioned man was smacking his lips and slowly, _very_ slowly opening his eyes. At first his face bore a smile, Eren predicted meant for Marco as good morning greeting, but soon his eyes opened completely and then they widened in shock. Eren send Jean expression that was meant to say ''I know how you feel right now''. He meant to be sympathetic, he really did want his friend to know he felt the same thing just moments ago when he realized his situation. But it seemed that Jean didn't feel his sympathy.

His eyes widened to the point Eren really thought that they might pop out his sockets and then, to Eren's poor head's misfortune, Jean screamed suddenly and pulled back and away from Eren. Having already too much on his plate kept Eren from commenting that he screamed like a girl.

Maybe if his head didn't feel right now as if somebody just squished it with a sledgehammer then maybe then Eren would've also been able to utter some kind of warning for him not to move that far back. But Eren was holding his forehead in fear that his skull might open and crack in two so the next thing that followed was a massive 'thud' that told Eren everything.

Jean fell off the sofa and with a lot of grace as well, carrying the blankets that covered them with him.

After making sure that his brain wouldn't spill through his ears, he might be a nurse and knew anatomy but at the state he was currently in he couldn't be all too sure, Eren wanted to peak to the side and see how Jean was doing but forgot his left side was still immobilized. Though judging by a lot of grunts and huffs, Jean was fighting with the blankets.

''Mmmm, Jean. Baby. Keep quiet for another minute? What do you say, I'll make it up to you in another five minutes?''

Next thing Eren knew, Marco was nuzzling his face into his neck and then…was he licking him?! Marco started to mix kisses with licks on his neck, and just to Eren's (un)luck Marco found a sensitive spot that sent signals to part of Eren's body he did not want to react at this moment. Eren gulped when he realized that Marco's hand was now traveling down his chest, then to his stomach and then…

No!

Eren did his best to break the grip, surprisingly strong, Marco had on him and scurry away. Unfortunately, Marco had his eyes closed and just refused to let Eren go, probably thinking it was still Jean.

''Marco, as much as I'd appreciate the… t-the gesture I don't think Jean will let me live if you keep going on.''

Marco's eyes snapped open and locked with Eren's. He let him go instantly and moved back and away from him. And just like his boyfriend, who was still going through the battle with the evil blanket, fell off the sofa with as much grace as Jean and just as loud thud.

Marco, who didn't have to untangle his almost naked body from covers, sat up and reluctantly looked at Eren from his seat on the floor.

''Eren? W-what's going on here? Why are you… why am I… why are _we?_ And why – he looked down at Eren and then at himself. – Why the hell are we only in our underwear?! Where's Jean?''

 

_Groan!_

 

Eren, who sat up on the sofa, looked behind himself and Marco tried to look over the sofa towards that the source of the voice.

''That'd be here.''

Jean was sitting up but bottom of his body was still tangled in the blanket and only his lower legs were visible.

''Are you ok, Jean?''

''Are you fucking kidding me here, you idiot? I am almost naked, the term 'my head is killing me' is an understatement, and for some unknown reason I woke up with _you_ in my face in the same bed and from what I hear, my boyfriend for another unknown reason was moments away from giving you a hand in terms I'd rather not mention or I might kill you. So – Jean looked up, because so far he was talking towards the floor – Eren, I am not as you said _OK!_ ''

Eren actually felt like moving back and away from Jean. Scary was understatement. Jean's eyes were bloodshot, had dark circles around them and if looks could kill, Eren would be on his way to the other world.

If Jean looked like this, Eren was wondering how he himself looked because as far as he was concerned, Jean was an incarnation of how Eren felt inside, minus the death glare of course.

''Can you kindly tell me, what the hell is going on here?''

''I…I don't know either. I don't remember much. And to my defense, Marco thought I was you.''

Marco, who seemed to be in the same state of mind, meaning his neurons connecting with the speed of a snail, now got up and almost ran to the side Jean was on. Though Eren heard some groans and huffs on the way. So getting up part was as hard as Eren predicted.

''Jean! I.. I thought Eren was you! You know I….''

Eren looked at Marco and felt sorry for the guy. His face was burning red as well as his ears. Marco was the shy type in front of others considering the intimately topics and it seemed he was dying from embarrassment, if judging simply by the shade of his face and the defeated posture he was now bearing.

Jean sighed and shook his head just to groan soon after.

''Ok, ok. You can later 'make it up to me', but the real me this time.''

''Jean!'' Eren groaned while Marco yelled in union.

''Alright. Jokes aside. What the hell? Why are we all only in our boxers? We didn't…''

The possibility hung in the air and all three men seemed to try to look back on last night's happenings. The pained expressions were dead give away they were all trying to remember.

''OI! Idiot, jerk and moron. Are you done with the chit chat?''

Eren had totally forgotten that Levi was still there. They all looked at him.

''Why is shorty here?'' Of course Jean had to ask in his polite way.

''If I didn't know how much your head is most possibly hurting you'd get a swing over the head, jerk.'' Eren glared at Jean from him spot on the sofa.

''I am the 'jerk'?''

''Seriously? – Levi rubbed the bridge of his nose. – Idiot – Levi pointed to Eren. – Jerk. – Finger pointed at Jean. – Moron. – Last one at Marco. – Get it together and come to the kitchen. I want to go home but I already figured I won't be able to until you get it together. So get your asses up and at least put your pants on, you imbecile trio. They're all here.''

Levi pointed at the pouf to his right and sure enough a jumble of clothes was on it.

Marco helped Jean up, and if Eren could trust his hearing he heard another whispered apology on the way.

Gulping in fear Eren slid down to the end of the sofa and slowly and reluctantly stood up. Right away his brain did a little tumble inside and he had to spread his arms to keep his balance.

After a moment of making sure he wouldn't trip if he'd start walking, Eren looked up and it just happened to be straight into Levi's eyes. Or it would be if Levi was looking at his face. Confused, Eren followed the line of Levi's gaze on him.

When he realized where Levi was looking he had the sudden urge to hide.

It didn't hit him before that he was standing almost naked in front of his sorta-crush person but then again he wasn't the shy type. He didn't care if somebody saw him in his undies; he was a man and had no qualms about it. He used to parade in his boxers in front of his friends, male and female alike, many times and saw no big deal. With Armin, he could walk stark naked around his apartment and neither of them would see the slightest problem in it.

The problem lay in the thing that his left thigh bore. Something Eren wanted the least amount of people to see, even his friends who all knew it was there. And it wasn't because of some petty reasons like how it _looked,_ or how Eren looked with it. He could care less about it.

It was because of everything that this thing reminded him of; of things he wished over and over again he'd long forgotten.

He cringed, like he did almost every single time when he saw the ugly, ragged scar that went through most of the thigh's length, with multiple smaller ones around it. The somewhat lack of body hair around it made it even more visible, stung his eyes more, screamed at him _''remember why I am here, what happened that I got here!''._

And now Levi saw it. Saw this ugly mark and most possibly all the others that his body bore.

He had to do something and be quick about it.

Eren looked up from his body and at Levi, to see he was still eyeing his hated mark.

Eren wanted to just keep on walking, play it as he saw nothing, didn't realize where Levi was looking but then Levi looked up and their eyes locked.

Eren stood frozen in place. He did not know what to do. For the first time somebody that didn't know about the origin of the scar saw it and that person was somebody he, for lack of better terms, was attracted to. He didn't know if he should say anything or not. Should he disregard it with a laugh and say something about how it's nothing?

And Levi's face bore the usual mask, one that lacked any emotion, preventing Eren from reading anything from it. He couldn't make any assumption whatsoever what Levi might be thinking right now, if he was thinking anything at all. Whether he even realized it or if it was just Eren's imagination that he was looking at his big ass scar.

''Yo! Jeager, here are yours!''

For once Eren was grateful for Jean's lack of delicacy as he threw his pants at him and they landed on his head and he had the excuse to look away from Levi.

Act like nothing happened. That was the best approach there was. At least one that Eren mastered to near perfection.

It seemed Levi took the same approach as he spoke when the three men stood before him. Well more of slumped but let's not get into details.

''I feel like a fucking kindergarten teacher right now.''

Levi sighed as he looked at each of them.

''Will we get away with only some alone time in the corner?''

Marco and Eren smacked Jean, who was standing between them, over the head in sync.

''Really?! Guys?! You _know_ what kind of headache I am going through! I…''

''Shut it! And come here.'' Levi didn't hold it in and yelled. All three cringed at the loud sound and reluctantly followed the older man into the kitchen.

Finally, the three were all sit down at the bar table on the tall stools with Levi on the other side. The dumb trio as Levi started to call them in his head had all cups in front of them and reluctantly eyed the liquid inside.

At least Eren figured it was _liquid._

''Don't cringe, don't ask what this is, just drink. You will thank me later.''

Eren decided to put a little faith in Levi and grabbed the cup. So far the man in front of them did nothing but help them out. Eren was still wondering why the hell he was even here. Not that he minded. Oh he didn't mind at all, especially as he stole tiny glanced at his bare feet.

He started to hate Levi a little for making him realize he had some weird fetishes he had no idea about. Or was it just Levi's person that made those things come to life.

Eren cringed even before taking a sip from the cup. He made his head go into overdrive with all those silly thoughts. Now was not the time for that, now is the time to trust Levi wanted to do something good for them and take a sip.

And Eren did.

And how wrong he was about it was beyond words. It took all his willpower to keep himself from spitting this foul _thing_ right back out and onto Levi. Though Eren wasn't sure if he had enough resolve to actually swallow it.

So there he sat, hangover, his eyes probably a picture of death and with his cheeks puffed out, looking like a freaking hamster as the thing burned off his tongue.

''Oh, for god's sake! You're all such babies!'' Levi exclaimed.

Then before Eren could react whatsoever, Levi put both hands to Eren's cheeks, and while covering his mouth with the palms, he unceremoniously pressed them. The palms kept his mouth closed so Eren had no choice and was forced to swallow. The burning disappeared but the taste got even worse.

''Now you two. I will not repeat myself.''

Eren actually heard Marco whimper on his side. But then again it might've been Jean.

Levi glared and stared at them till the moment they drank most of the cups' content.

''Eren, where the hell did you find this guy? Don't tell me it was at your BDSM club or something.'' Jean whined as he kept his head on the counter.

''What the…? I don't go to any BDSM club you jerk.''

''No? Then what was that thing last night that Connie brought from your room, huh?''

Eren cheeks went pinkish.

''That? For your information that rope is for climbing you douche. You know me, Mikasa and Armin go on trips into mountains couple of times in the year. And those leather cuffs are present from Armin for your information.''

Eren said in a tone that indicated he was proud of himself for straightening all of it out. Only after he said it, had he realized how it did not make his situation better in any way.

Jean's head popped up, bearing a distinctive red mark on his forehead. On his side, Marco decided against sitting up and just moved his head and now laid on the side instead of forehead. His eyes showed the same shock as Jean's.

''Armin? You and him?!''

''What? Agh. No. Not me and Armin. Seriously? He gave me that for the latest Valentine's Day. It was a joke we had because we were like the only ones single at the time from our pack. Even Mikasa had a date. He gave me those leg and hand cuffs. I might add that Connie destroyed the box they were still in.''

''You two are really pathetic you know? But wait. He got you those cuffs but what did you get him?''

''A set of various vibrators.'' Eren said with an evil smile on his face, all proud of himself.

''But Armin's straight.''

''Hehe. Exactly!''

''You are a moron.''

''Though I wouldn't be too sure about the straight part.'' Eren mumbled under his breath.

''Huh?''

''Nothing.'' Eren muttered and put his head on the counter.

Ever since he woke up, Eren felt like being on a rollercoaster of embarrassing and confusing episodes. He really needed a moment of peace and quiet. Not to think, thinking hurt too much right now. Just to stay still and do nothing, let his brain ease up on the swelling he felt he might be experiencing.

They stayed like that for about 10-15 minutes, none saying a word. But the silence was a blessing at this moment.

''Are you better now?''

The three looked up in union at Levi.

Eren pondered and realized that indeed his head felt a little lighter, as well as his stomach that he felt would sometimes do uncomfortable flips before.

''H-how?''

Levi grinned that evil smirk and Eren knew everything in an instant.

''What was in that drink?!'' Jean said in a raised voice.

Eren put up his hand up to stop Jean.

''Don't try. I know that look. He won't spill.''

''You don't deserve to know. At least not yet. If you're feeling better, then can you let me out?''

''Huh? What are you talking about?'' Eren looked at Levi confused.

''Oh, god. You are so pathetic. How much do you actually remember from last night? And if it's not much then I feel sorry for you. Especially for you two.''

Levi pointed between Jean and Eren, who looked at each other confused and than back at Levi. Marco simply kept his safe place, with his cheek on the counter. Eren figured he had it worse than them and his batteries ran out at the moment.

''Um, don't you remember? You two had… how to say it. A _moment._ ''

''Wha…?'' Jean said and then his face bore expression of ponder.

Eren kept quiet and now that his head felt surprisingly lighter, he was trying to remember. Slowly, things started to come back to him. They were in pieces and a little hazy but he begun to understand what Levi was talking about.

 

_''You retarded, stupid, idiotic…''_

_''Why didn't you say anything to me before? Why the fuck did you keep quiet all this time? Why the fuck you never said anything… ''_

_''Why didn't you say anything to me?! … ''_

_''…Who the fuck almost bashed my head in when I said I was gay? Are you the retarted one not to remember you went with fists at me that day?''_

_''Agh!!! That was because I was furious that you didn't tell me first! Ok, maybe not first, Mikasa and Armin were first but that was ok. Then I waited and nothing! I knew you talked to them about something and were going to talk to me too. But nothing! I waited and nothing! Almost everyone knew but not me! I was your best friend and I found from a third party. No. Not even that. I didn't hear it from the person I was supposed to! I didn't hear it from you!''_

_''B-but you called me a stupid fag. You said I was an ass and you couldn't believe it.''_

_''Yes, that you left me out of one the most important things of your life! I was furious be-because you had the guts to do it while I was still were looking for m-mine. I was freaking mad because you didn't care to tell me in person. I was in rage that you knew you were gay yet you didn't fucking see I was crushing on you as well. I also loved you, you bastard!!''_

_''I also loved you, you bastard!!''_

_''I also loved you, you bastard!!''_

_''I also loved you, you bastard!!''_

 

 

Eren suddenly looked up as that one sentence replayed over and over in his mind.

In an instant, he and Jean looked at each other, both pointing an accusatory finger at each other.

''You!'' Both yelled in union.

''Now you imbeciles remember.''

'B-but then …'' Jean stuttered.

 

 

_''Jean? Baby? You l-love Eren?''_

 

The duo looked at Marco who was sitting there, as if nothing was happening.

''Oh, don't look at me. I have no clue what happened after I heard you say that you _loved_ Eren, Jean. I was more wasted at that point than you two so…''

The three looked at Levi.

He sighed.

''I'll need a chair for this. Get me one, idiot.''

That means me, Eren thought and got Levi the last stool in matter of seconds. When he sat back down on his own chair Jean muttered something about dogs but Eren didn't bother to even nudge him in the rib.

''So up to what point to do you douche bags remember?''

''Is it really necessary to call us all those names?'' Jean asked.

''After last night? Yes.'' Levi said a matter-of-factly.

''Oh, god. I am really starting to worry if.. i-if we did something… .'' Marco groaned.

Levi smirked.

''You're not gonna skip some and tell us yes or no will you?'' Eren asked, even though he pretty much predicted what the answer would be.

''And destroy my entertainment? No.''

''Well, I remember up to the part where Marco woke up and heard Jean say that he…well you know.''

''Me too.'' Jean and Marco said in union.

''So well, after the freckle boy woke up and heard your conversation I was sure you would get a fist in the face or something like that. Either you or Jean but I did not expect what happened next. You must have been damn wasted. Or maybe again you were not and have a kink for a threesome.''

Levi gazed at Marco, who in response whimpered and hid his face in his palms.

''Marco, what the hell did you do?'' Jean asked in a very whiny voice.

''So it was like this…''

 

_''Jean? Baby? You l-love Eren?''_

_''Oh, my. Marco. It's not like…''_

_''Oh, boy. What the hell did I get myself into….'' Levi groaned in defeat as he put his head in his hands, dreading to look up and seeing what was to happen next._

_Marco's lip quivered and it looked like he was holding back tears. So he was the sensitive type. This could be more dramatic than Levi first predicted._

_But he surely did not predict what the dark skinned boy did next._

_''I… I am so happy baby!''_

_''Huh?'' Eren and Jean said at the same time and widened their eyes to the same extent of shock._

_Then Marco jumped off the sofa and onto Jean. He wrapped his arms and legs around him like a monkey and then took one of his arms and wrapped it around Eren to bring him closer._

_''I knew you two didn't hate each other. My baby talks too much about you, Eren to actually mean any of those things that went on between you two. I knew you two care for each other but are too much of idiots to go about it the right way and forget whatever bad blood was between you. I am so happy that my baby will get his friend back.''_

_And then he ranted on for couple of more minutes, refusing to let either of them go. Jean and Eren seemed both equally embarrassed, not too sure whether they should look at each other or at mumbling drunk Marco, who Levi was guessing kept on spouting more awkward nonsense about how Jean cared about Eren or how Eren cared about him back and so on._

_''Um, Marco? Aren't you… I don't know, angry? Jealous? That Jean and I l-liked each other?'' Eren asked, stealing glances at Jean while looking at Marco._

_''What? Of course not! I know my Jean baby loves me. Right?''_

_Marco looked at Jean who froze staring at Eren, as if he was seeing him for the first time in his life._

_''What? Of course I do. This thing with Eren it's… It used to be. It was a big misunderstanding but you know I would never… well you know the rest.''_

_Jean mumbled the rest while looking away. Eren chuckled and Marco squeezed his arm around his boyfriend tighter._

_''Eloquent as ever. We should drink!''_

_''Huh?'' The other two looked confused at Marco once more._

_''Well, you made up right? You love each other, in strictly 'best-friends' way, but still. And you won't go at each other's throats anymore right? I am really kinda tired pulling you back Jeannie. I really like Eren for introducing us to each other and I always hated when you two fought even though you…''_

_''Alright! I get it – Jean shouted. – Stop with all the gushy feelings.''_

_True, Jean was beat red at this point, both face and ears. Eren laughed as Marco jumped off of them and started jumping on the spot while clapping his hands together._

_Damn, he was still massive drunk. The other two seemed to have sobered up a little after the expressive exchange of arguments._

_Levi was still sitting on the spot and just watching the entertaining show. He didn't even realize when the energy bundle in the form of nearly naked man went into the kitchen and came back with a bottle and glasses. Levi noticed it was one of the bottles from his stash but couldn't care less._

_Soon, the three men were sitting on the floor in circle and drinking. Marco was so giddy and happy that soon it rubbed off on the other two and the initial embarrassment was long forgotten. They sat, chatted and drank. Levi's presence seemed to have been disregarded as well._

_He tried to use that moment for his escape. He managed to get up and was almost at the door and even started to think about the best way to get home, it was almost 3am after all, but his path was blocked._

_Surprised, he stopped in face of sudden appearance of a bare torso inches away from his eyes. He looked up and saw the grinning, freckled moron._

_''Wha-''_

_''Don't go. Eren will be sad if you leave.'' Marco said while his lips went into a ridiculous pout._

_''Huh? You three are in your own world and it's really late so…''_

_CLICK-CLICK._

_Levi took a step back and peeked behind Marco. Eren was at the door and had a massive smile on his face._

_Oh no. The brat was drunk once more._

_Before Levi could say another thing, something or somebody dashed by his side, crackling in laughter on his way._

_It didn't take a genius to figure out it was Jean._

_What Levi didn't get was what all three of them were so happy about now, because the moment Jean passed him, Marco also bore a wide grin._

_''I really will not do this with three drunken asses. I have to go.''_

_Levi said as he went around Marco. He should've figured something was up when Marco didn't stop him. He walked up to the door that Eren was standing in front of. Eren need one glare to take a step back but some giggling still escaped those cocky lips._

_Levi grabbed the handle and pressed._

_The door didn't budge. He sighed at the stupidity of these three as he turned the upper lock and pressed the handle once more._

_Problem remained. The door didn't budge. Levi slowly looked at Eren who was now cheekily smiling that wide grinned smile of his._

_''Ok, idiot. Give me the key.''_

_"Nooo. – Eren whined and did something Levi was a little take back with. He grabbed Levi's arm and wrapped himself around it then started tugging on it, trying to guide Levi back into the apartment. – I refuse to let you leave tonight. I was… I was soooooo happy that you said yes to my invite I shall use all means necessary to keep you here, Levi-san. I like you so you cannot…''_

_''Alright. Stop now. I refuse to listen to your drunken rant. Heard too many in my bartender days and know how they usually end. I'll stay another hour but no more. After an hour you give me the key to the bottom lock. And I will not drink with you, I have work on Monday and still have stuff to finish up because I left work early for this.''_

_''You did?! I am so happy-happy, Levi-chan! You're really a great guy. You just play a meanie but you don't fool me, Levi-chan!''_

_Levi decided against asking what the hell he was calling him and just followed the jumpy brat. He sat back down on his earlier seat and started to wonder why Eren even wanted him to stay._

_He went back to drinking with the other two, Marco on the verge of falling asleep while sitting up. They didn't really pay much attention to him, but he stayed. Not like he had any other choice at the moment._

_He was getting kind bored, so he figured he could clean up around. That way maybe time would speed up, so he started to walk back and forth to the kitchen, picking up things from shelves, tables and floor._

_The trio really was in their own world, laughing and talking loudly._

_During on his third trip, he noticed something new back in the living room._

_Marco dozed off and had his head on Jeans thigh, who was squatting with Eren opposite of him and in the same position. Problem was, this time Eren was also shirtless and Jean had this evil smirk on his face. Levi, only a little curious walked closer to see what the hell these two were doing this time._

_''I have never kissed a girl.'' Eren said with a knowing smirk._

_''That's not fair! You know I used to date girls.'' Jean whined and took a shot._

_''Are you serious? You're playing 'I have never'? – Two drunks nodded their heads in such happiness it was insane. – Then why is Eren not wearing a shirt?''_

_''Oh, we pick before we ask whether the looser drinks or strips before each turn. We're a bit drunk so it's better if we cut back a little for now, don't you think?'' Eren chattered, grinning drunkenly._

_Levi sighed and decided against commenting, just nodded. Once more, he was ignored as they went back to their 'playing'. He didn't mind in the least._

 

Back then, something had caught Levi's attention, that when he remembered about it now, he didn't mention his observation to the idiotic trio before him. Not that he was planning on contemplating about it later on either. But the sight of that scar on Eren's back last night, right below ribs, just wouldn't leave his mind.

The boy wasn't as pale as him, but still his skin was light, lighter than the other two young men next to him, so that scar was visible. It wasn't all that conspicuous but noticeable, and moments ago when he saw the other one on Eren's thigh it spiked his curiosity, whether he liked it or not. Against his better judgment Levi wondered what had happened to the green eyed cheerful bubble to leave those ugly marks.

Levi noticed he froze for a moment and went back to telling the three what they did last night. Better to get this story telling over with quickly.

 

 

_So he made couple of more courses, carrying stuff into the kitchen and each time that he passed the duo they wore less and less clothes. He wasn't about to say anything about it. They were grown up and could do whatever they chose. He glanced at the clock and saw he still had half an hour before forcing Eren into letting him out._

_Soon, all three were only in their boxers, Marco woke up after the short snooze and was laughing again. Levi sat back down on the damn chair and watched them cackle their heads off._

_'So maybe that stupid drama wasn't all too bad. The brat seems to be happy or maybe just drunk.'_

_Levi thought to himself but what Marco said next caught his attention._

_''You should kiss!''_

_''What?'' Eren and Jean for the multiple time this evening spoke in sync. Though this time it was more of a squeal that escaped the mouth of these two men._

_''Yes. You two are dummies and lost your chance with each other because. Soooo – Marco poked Jean's nose with his index finger. – You aaaaand – Then Eren's nose was next. – You should kiss. I'll allow it this one time. Don't tell me you don't want.''_

_Eren and Jean looked at each other for a moment and then away._

_''See?! I knew it. Come on, it's just a kiss. I really, really won't be mad Jean. Don't you want to know what it feels like?''_

_''I-I…I used to think about it but I have you now, Marco. And I…''_

_''But Eren will always be your 'what if'. If you didn't want to you would say no straight up.''_

_Jean looked down even more in guilt._

_''Jean?''_

_This time it was Eren, looking really confused. It seemed he couldn't believe he wasn't the only one thinking about it._

_Levi watched as both men reluctantly looked at each other and then slowly moved in closer. Then Eren delicately put his hand on Jean's cheek and subconsciously licked his lips. Jean stole one last glance at Marco, who only nodded._

_At first two men awkwardly connected their lips for a brief moment. Eren's hand still on Jean's cheek while Jean fidgeted with his palms on his thighs. They separated shortly after but kept their faces close._

_''Um, J…''_

_Eren started speaking but then Jean took the initiative and clashed their lips one more time, tilting his head to the side and placing both his hands on Eren's face. Eren's shock was short lived and soon was kissing back._

_But whatever happened after Levi didn't linger to watch._

_He got up and went to the bathroom. The last thing he needed was to watch some kind of orgy. He didn't know Eren long enough to know that he was **not** into those kind of things. Levi doubted it but still refused to watch scenes like these._

 

The part when he went to the bathroom he didn't tell brats about but still sped by the memory.

 

_When he was in the bathroom he turned the water on and washed his hands. He splashed his face couple of times with ice cold water to wake up but to also to shake off weird feelings that lingered inside him._

_He started to realize what Hanji meant that he closed himself off._

_He'd always do that, avoid people and limit his interaction with strangers to minimum. Though people usually did that all on their own accord, without him trying too much. That's just how he was._

_But now he got to the point he even forgot what people did at parties, what drunken people can be capable of doing and all that goofy crap that usually followed. It tired him more than he predicted. Not that he didn't have at least a bit of fun before. It was chaos, loudness and hyperactive behavior but it was so much like the host of the party, he somehow mentally got ready for it. In the end a part of him enjoyed it._

_Then why was he irritated at seeing those dorks making out all of a sudden. Was it because it reminded him of his old days? Maybe a little. A flash of those disgusting parties went through his mind but only for the briefest moment._

_And then he thought of these two again and he understood._

_He felt guilt. He was here alone. By himself, while Erwin was still in the hospital. They couldn't enjoy this together._

_But why was he thinking about it now?_

_Did seeing those two men being intimate with each other, for whatever the reason, triggered his longing for Erwin? Probably. At least Levi had no other explanation for this sudden dull feeling inside._

_He might be cheeky, mean and cold but even he longed for some human warmth. He longed for arms ar…_

_He gripped the bathroom sink and refused to think further. He knew all too well how much going with his thoughts in those directions hurt._

_He walked out of the bathroom, all sobered up and put back together, his armor back on._

 

 

''When I came back from the bathroom, I hoped you'd be done. But damn if I was wrong.'' Levi scoffed.

'W-wait a second. You're telling me t-that Jean and I made out and it was because Marco said we should, could, whatever? It w-wasn't just my d-dream?''

''W-what? You also remember?'' Jean stuttered, moving back a little with his seat to see Eren more clearly.

''Also? That means you…?''

There was a moment of an awkward silence.

It was obvious to everyone in the kitchen that Jean and Eren started to remember what had taken place as Levi told the story on.

Eren started to remember the details as his head cleared more and more. He wasn't sure if he was glad or on the contrary.

He remembered Jean's lips on his, they were tender and full. Just like he used to imagine they would be all those years ago. Eren was really lost as to what exactly he was feeling at the moment. This was so messed up and out of place, it caught him off guard in so many ways, he had no idea how to wrap his mind around it.

Then he remembered the sensation on Jean's tongue tangle with his, when he reluctantly put it in Jean's mouth.

Great, so he was the one to initiate the French. Not that Jean resisted or had anything against it if Eren's memory was right. Eren saw in his mind how both of them lost it for a brief moment in that kiss. It was intense, as if they were both putting their whole feelings from all those missed years, their regret as well as all the pent up anger.

Eren knew that that first kiss they shared wasn't about the sexual tension or with sexual intent in mind. It was something Eren couldn't put his finger on just yet.

And then he remembered another sensation and another pair of hands on his neck and head.

His head snapped to Marco so fast he heard his bone crack.

''Oh, so the Jaeger boy remembers that part now.'' Levi said with a chuckle in his tone.

''Eren, what is he talking about? I remember faintly that we-we made out but…don't tell me we…'' Jean also looked at Marco.

He was looking back and forth from Jean and Eren. His face bore an expression of loss and pain. It looked like he was trying really hard to comprehend what he was hearing. Like what was happening seemed to get to him with slowed up tempo.

''Oh, lord have mercy. I'd have some more fun but the freckle here seems on verge of tears. So listen up. I came back from the bathroom and well, all three of you seemed in a lip lock.''

''What?!'' Marco and Jean screamed. Eren already had most of his memories back so knew what was coming. He _remembered_ what was to be said by Levi.

''Yeah. If I remember correctly, not that I stayed around for the show, I think you – Levi pointed to Marco – and you – at Jean – were making out then, while the third idiot was kissing your neck, Jean. Oh, right. And I think he left you a massive hickey.''

Jean eyes widened and twisted his head to look at his shoulder. Multiple cracks could be heard and Eren cringed a little.

''So, Freckle before you either cry or kill them both, listen on. I went back to helping your sorry ass with cleaning, because you wouldn't let me leave and sitting around that mess ticked me off more than your orgy. – Levi looked for a second at Eren. – And each time I came back it was another combination of lip locks. You **all** exchanged spit.''

Eren felt his ears go aflame as he glanced at Marco. He hoped his face showed apology. He was starting to think this is the worst thing that happened when he got drunk.

''You! You kissed Marco?!''

Jean suddenly shouted. And before Eren knew what was happening, Jean was standing up and was up in his face. Eren predicted if he was wearing a shirt, Jean would've grabbed it.

''Seriously? You made out with Eren and it was ok but you hear your boyfriend did the same thing and suddenly it's fist in the face?''

Levi said in amazement, every word dripping with sarcasm. He knew he shouldn't butt in but it left his mouth before he knew it. All three looked at him again.

''And among those 20 minutes you three were at it, during my couple of trips I saw you two making out with Marco, somehow at the same time once so, don't be a hypocritical ass.''

Jean looked ashamed and embarrassed as he stepped back and away from Eren.

He mumbled what Eren predicted was supposed to be an apology but didn't complain. He understood somewhat what Jean was feeling. This whole situation was so out of place, Eren figured all three of them were at loss what should be said and done. As if the revelation of what he and Jean felt for each other wasn't enough, they just had to go and do something like this.

They weren't teenagers, young, hot headed and naive to think too much on it. They just kissed and made out drunk, no tragedy about it. Not really the first time they did some touchy things, messing around drunk. But still, awkward no matter how you look at it. It wasn't like they had sex. Because they didn't right?

Eren suddenly thought about that option and looked at Levi.

''Um, we didn't… did we? Because I don't remember much past that…session.''

''Because there's nothing much to remember. When I came back last time, in hope to get that fucking key from you, you three were all passed out on the sofa, comfy with each other. I tried waking you but it was no use. Seemed all the lip-locking got you tired and you were dead asleep.

So that's why I am still here, stuck explaining all this shit to you. I took up your bed. – Levi pointed his finger at Eren. – So if you've got any complains, you can as well shove it. Now, I am done with the story telling _kids_ , so you better fucking find that key by the time I am back.''

With no other word, Levi got up and left the kitchen. Eren heard the door open so he was guessing Levi went to his bedroom for his things.

Eren let out a long sigh of relief and slumped down on the chair.

Now that he knew they didn't do anything, not that threesome make out session was completely under the definition of _nothing_ , he felt like he could breathe again.

But when he looked at Marco and Jean, he knew this topic was long from over.

But just not now.

Some other time, they should have the awkward and serious conversation. He was just hoping the other two were as tired as he was and would leave it for later.

''Later?'' Eren asked, hoping the duo would understand. He thanked the lord when they understood him and nodded.

''But there's one plus in this thing, in our getting drunk off our asses and behaving like two-year olds.''

''I doubt two year olds have a threesome make out session, Kirschtein.''

''I said a plus. That thing… I don't know what it is yet, but I am talking about another thing.'' Jean said with a chuckle.

''And what might that be?'' Eren asked, really rummaging his head for a plus in this whole drunken drama.

''You'll have a whole lot…'material' for later.''

Jean said, chuckling when Eren raised one eye brow in confusion.

''What the hell are you talking about?''

''The sheets. The shorty slept in your bed. And I can guess in his undies too, because his clothes aren't wrinkled. You can now take those sheets, sniff 'em and …''

Jean was saying the last part in what Eren supposed, was to be a sensual and sexy voice, as he hugged imaginary sheets to his chest, pretending to sniff them.

But Eren wasn't listening much at the point. After a brief, a very brief moment of contemplation the possibility of what Jean was saying, he got up and threw himself at Jean with a growl.

''That's it! You'll get it now, I swear!''

But Jean was quick to respond and ran away into the dining room, crackling like a maniac, just like he did last night when he was running away with the key in hands.

Marco looked behind them and laughed lightly. The tense atmosphere gone in an instant.

He looked back when he heard Levi walk back in. After a brief glance, Marco saw he had his socks and shoes back on and one of the buttons of the shirt buttoned, his hair somewhat combed.

''Where are the two idiots?''

CRASH!

Levi groaned.

''Are you serious? Didn't they just make up last night? Are they really fighting?''

Marco smiled and shook his head.

''No. This is ok. They're playing. One of the rare times when they'd be on good terms, they would do this. Armin told me that's how they used to be. That's just how it works between them. I hope that's how it's gonna be from now on.''

''And you're ok? With them like that, I mean?''

Again Levi found himself butting in. He felt so out of character today.

''Oh. Yeah. They're friends. I hope they go back to how they used to be. Not that I ever saw them, just Armin and Mikasa would tell me about it sometimes. Jean's a coward and won't say it straight but he missed Eren, and… I am just happy for them.''

''But you know, they are now straight with each other. Have everything out in the open and they could…''

''Nah. I trust both of them.''

But Levi wasn't socially stupid to an extent not to notice some uncertainty in Marco's voice. This situation left some doubt in the air, no matter the circumstances.

This time though, Levi chose to keep his mouth shut. He had enough of his own problems to start and wrap himself in others'.

Soon, the stupid duo came back into view. Both had their hair messed up while Jean had his arm wrapped around Eren's neck and was squeezing it neck randomly while Eren struggled to free himself.

He nudged his elbow into Jean's rib, who in response let out a quiet 'oof' and let his head go. But not before giving Eren's head one last noogie.

Eren groaned but both were chuckling soon enough. Jean looked at Marco, smiling wide.

''I think we should go too, Marco.''

''Y-yeah. I'll get our things.'' Marco said quietly and was gone soon after.

Jean looked confused at Levi but shook his head in disregard.

Soon, Marco, Jean and Levi were all dressed and in front of the door. Eren came in jogging into the hallway, spare key in hand.

It turned out Jean hadn't had the slightest clue as to where he put that key. Eren thanked the heaven he kept a second one in his bedside table. Especially in the moment when Levi glared at them in disbelief when Jean out right said he doesn't know where the key is.

''Um, thank you for coming and well… yeah thanks. – Eren said, opening the door with his hand on the handle, leaning back on it to let the three men out. – And thank you Levi for somewhat tidying up the place and putting up with our…behavior.''

''Sure thing, Jaeger. See you around.'' Jean said with that old smirk on his face. It warmed Eren's heart to see it on and directed at him, instead of that grimace he loathed.

''Yes, thanks Eren for the shirt. I'll wash it and…''

''Oh, stop Marco. No problem.''

Levi said nothing and only nodded. All three were almost at the stairs when Eren suddenly remembered something.

''Levi!''

Eren heard a massive groan and the black haired man turned around.

''What now? You want me to wipe your nose or tuck you in, brat?''

Eren shook his head but smiled.

''No, thank you. Your stuff. You left your bag and other shit.''

Another groan and sigh from Levi.

''Right.''

''Well. We'll go now. See ya, Levi. Bye, Eren!''

Jean said and wrapped his arm around Marco to nudge him in stairs' direction.

Eren was praying he was seeing things and the fleeting look of discomfort on Marco's face was only a figment of his imagination, nothing more than an effect of lack of sleep.

When Levi was back in his apartment and the door closed, Eren leaned back on it and unceremoniously slid down to the floor, a sigh on the way down and his head in his hands.

''Um, you _do_ know I am still here, right?''

Levi asked, tilting his head to the side to look at the bundle of tired limbs that Eren now appeared to be.

''Yeah, yeah. But I can finally breathe. Everyone's gone and I am dead tired.''

''And what am I? A stool?'' Levi asked, actually a little offended by Eren's words.

Eren looked up at him and smiled a weakly.

''No. Of course not. But I feel like I can still relax around you.''

Then his cheeks went crimson and his head was back in his hands in an instant.

They both felt awkwardness for god knows what time this morning.

Levi was actually glad that Eren was looking away. He really didn't know what to do with this bold piece of information, that despite how hard he tried to disregard it, was somewhat giving him a weird warm feeling inside that took an outlet on his cheeks. The freaking brat was getting under his skin when he wasn't looking.

''I t-think I might be still drunk. Hehe. Oh, and I-I am sorry for everything you had to go through with us brats. – Eren looked up and had his puppy eyes in work. – I swear we are usually more adult-like.''

Levi scoffed.

''Kind of hard to believe. Guess you'll have to prove it to me another time.''

What he just said lingered in the air.

Agh! What the hell was wrong with him today, Levi thought to himself. So far, this morning he was spouting more nonsense and butting into troublesome things more often than he ever did in his whole life. He really needed to get some sleep, in his own bed.

Not that Eren's bed was uncomfortable. It was surprisingly so, and Levi slept well, glad to smell that the sheets were freshly changed and was dead asleep instantly, hugging a small pillow to his chest, a habit he couldn't get rid of. His brain barely registered that that pillow that he had a dead grip on was the only one with some different smell.

But a handful of hours of sleep still were too little after a whole week of hard work.

But back to now, Levi reprimanded himself.

And now, Eren registered what Levi said and was smiling wide and getting up.

''I will. But let's get you your things, so you can go back home.''

''Later. Let's clean up here then I'll go.''

''Huh? – Eren looked confused. – But you said you wanted to get back home as soon as possible. I bet you are tired. I really appreciate it but couldn't ask another thing of you I …''

JAB!

''Ugh. Should've figured. I am shutting up now.''

''Maybe there's something to be made of you just yet. Now get the things from the table, I'll start with whatever I brought to the kitchen yesterday.''

''Thank you. I really appreciate it, Levi.'' Eren gave him a warm smile.

''Oh, shut it. You look tired and all but I know my conscience wouldn't let me sleep leaving such a mess behind. So get your ass to work.''

For some reason Eren went into the dining room, where the table filled with left over food stood, cackling in laughter.

Levi thought whatever to himself, and took off his jacket to get to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oi, only one day of delay. Ooff, I was scared it would be longer. I really have enough of family parties, they take up my precious writing time and all the babies at those things, ugh. (Yes, I am not a baby-person). Anyway, hope you liked it. It was quite long this time again.  
> Also, I am thinking of changing the post day to Monday or Tuesday, still not sure. With the next chapter I will tell you for certain.  
> Hope you enjoyed ^_^


	11. Feelings are overrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's confused, Marco is awkward, Jean is pissed and Levi…

''Oh my, Eren, dear. You look awful!.''

''Hmm. Thank you Mrs. Gray. And the coincidence is that I _feel_ awful.''

The witty remark earned him a chuckle from the lady behind the counter, as he approached her, cringing from the bright hospital light as he felt his muscles ache unbearably.

''Young people, so keen on the sarcasm these days. But do tell, where did you party this time?''

Mrs. Gray, despite her mature age was young at heart and when Eren partied, more rarely now than back when he was an intern, she loved hearing about all the silly details and helped him when he need a break or two more than usually.

''Come on; don't speak as if you don't belong to our 'young people' group.''

Eren tried to give her a smile but he suspected it might've come out more of a cringe.

''Heh. Always the charmer I see. If I am correct I am older than your mother, Eren.''

''So?'' Eren this time managed a full fledged grin. But it lasted only a moment.

''Silly boy. So, what excuse you youngsters had this time?''

''Armin. He got his degree. And it was not an _excuse,_ come on Mrs. Gray. You know me better than that.''

''True. You don't need any.'' Mrs. Gray hit him back with her own sarcasm.

This one managed to pull out a laughter out of him, a genuine one and not one followed by a wince in pain.

''But do tell Armin congrats from me. It's the short blond sweetie that once came with a change of clothes for you right? The one that never left your bed when...''

''Yeah. That's the one. – Eren felt the need to interrupt in mid sentence. Nothing Mrs. Gray didn't know about but still. No need to bring that topic up. – And I will surely tell him. Oh, I have lots of left over food, wanted to bring you some but kinda forgot and I overslept too…heh.''

Eren scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

''Oh, no need. That is unless you have those wonderful cookies that you always make. Then I'll rudely demand you bring me some, young man!''

Eren chuckled but had to give a sad look to the smiling woman before him.

''Sorry. Those are actually gone this time. I gave them to…a friend that helped me out with the cleaning. I am sorry.''

''Silly. Don't worry. But I think Hannes came in earlier today so you better hurry and get ready. I will have a warm tea waiting for you, a real one so don't forget to stop by on your break.''

Eren grinned widely and nodded. Soon, he was trotting slowly to the locker room. He had a little time to get changed and his shift was starting in few. Best to force those muscles into working properly.

 

* * *

 

Eren kept wondering how that man managed to put him into so much pain in barely couple of hours he spent in his apartment. Eren started jogging again with Titan as company, went back to doing some light home exercises to slowly remind his muscles how to work properly and get back in shape little by little. Eren knew he should've taken that up long time ago but somehow nothing inside was able to persuade him to go back to his old routine.

Still, he would've never imagined that such simple things Levi put him through would cause such gruesome reaction of his body.

How weak was he in reality and he didn't even notice it? Or was it Levi and his sadistic ways' fault?

Eren let out a groan as he sat down on the locker room's bench with a warm cup of Mrs. Gray's wonderful tea in his hand.

At least his stomach wasn't doing any more flip flops as in the morning.

He clicks away on his cell phone and puts the phone to his ear. After two signals Armin picks up.

''Hey. I saw you called me? What's up?''

He takes a sip of the tea and almost lets out a moan of delight. He feels a slight tint of mint and his stomach screams in appreciation. Mrs. Gray knew him too well. A new batch of cookies for her it was this evening, the woman deserved them fresh!

''Oh, just wondering how you're holding up. From what I recall when I was leaving with Mikasa, you were 'well done' so to speak. I wanted to call yesterday but some guys from uni kidnapped me for another get together.''

''Oh, that's nice. So maybe I should be asking you how you're holding up?'' Eren chuckled.

''Oh, no need for that. I know how to handle my liquor, unless _some_ people.''

''Hey! No need to be a prick. And I know how to handle my…''

Then Eren recalled everything that happened with Jean and Marco.

So maybe Armin was a little bit right. But best to keep it shut for now. He still felt he should talk to the mentioned men before spilling anything to their friends.

''Ok. So I went a little overboard. But I can tell you this. I kinda made up with Jean.''

So he was telling a truth. Just leaving some _details_ out.

''What?! – Armin almost screamed into the phone and Eren had to put it away from his ear. – How? Like make up, as you're back to the way you used to be back in high school?''

''Kinda. Still have to talk. I think. Tell you the details later?''

''Oh my. So maybe drunk talk isn't always bad.''

''Oh, shut it for now Armin. I still cannot get my head around it. So please, for now keep it to yourself? I just felt I should tell somebody and you're _you_ so you're the obvious choice.''

''Awww, Eren. Are you still drunk? You know you're a nurse you shouldn't be drinking on a…''

''Stop it, Arlert. Oh, before I forget. Mrs. Gray sends her congrats on the degree.''

''That's nice. Thank her. I bet you're drinking her savior tea right now, aren't you?''

''You betcha. Damn. My muscles ache so much, as if I went through one of Mikasa's regime training. Though I guess it's nothing compared to right after Levi was done with me. I wanted to drop dead and sleep right on the spot when he finished.''

''E-Eren?''

''Huh?'' Eren asked as he massaged his sore calf, keeping the phone in between his shoulder and the ear and a cup of tea in the other hand. He was multitasking. Maybe he was getting back in the game.

''What… ok, let me just make sure I heard you correct. Levi left your muscles sore? As in _Levi_? The ma…''

Eren's brain caught up on what he said and how Armin interpreted it. It almost made him drop the tea in his right hand. He instantly stopped massaging his calf and grabbed the phone firmly in his palm.

''OH. MY. GOD. NO! That's…. – Eren took a deep breath. – This isn't how it sounds. Oh, god. He stayed behind and helped me out with the cleaning. I was happy. I mean who wouldn't be right? But I just didn't know what was in store for me…''

''Eren. You're not making it sound _any_ better.''

''Armin. Levi's.. he's simply a neat freak!''

Eren started laughing in embarrassment into the receiver as he recalled what happened yesterday. He couldn't see Armin, who at the moment was staring at his phone in utter confusion.

''Huh?''

''It's just that I thought we would somewhat clean up, wash the dishes, maybe a little idle chit chat you know. I won't lie I was a _little_ happy when he offered to stay over. But it seemed Levi took it upon his honor to leave my apartment spotless. He worked me like a horse as if it was _his_ apartment.''

''Are you freaking serious, Eren? That was the worst lie I ever heard.''

''No. I swear. I knew he was neat and clean cut and all but never imagined this. It should be weird and you know, a kind of a push away. But I gotta say. It was a little…cute how he…''

Eren's mind trailed off in reminiscence.

''Eren, come back to me. Ok. Let's say I believe you.''

"Really? You think if something happened I wouldn't tell you?''

''True.''

''Plus. You know nothing will happen, Armin. We both know it. It's too complicated. It's just a crush that I have. Nice to talk about and all…But talking is where it's gonna end. Still like him but..''

''Yeah. I know. I gotta say. He seems kinda mean on the first look but I can tell you that I personally like the guy. Kinda of a bummer with the whole thing. ''

''Tell me about it. – Eren sighed. – Did you talk to others? Did everyone get back home safe?''

''Yeah. Ymir was sadistically entertained when she talked about hanged over Krista. Of course she took all the pleasure in the opportunity to take care of her golden haired queen, as she worded it. Sasha and Connie nursed each other back to health. Just..''

''Just the usual.''

Eren chuckled as he finished Armin's sentence. These two fit together so well it was sometimes scary. Eren fought the faint feeling of envy as he thought about it.

''I…''

Eren glanced at the clock and cursed under his breath.

''Sorry Armin. My break is over. I gotta go.''

''Sure. No problem.''

 

* * *

 

Levi groaned out as he plopped down on the chair.

Just his luck. One day he was a slightly unprepared because of his need to rest on Sunday and had too little time to catch up on project at work was the day Nile just _had_ to pop up unannounced. He should get an Oscar for his playing skills, pretending to know what the hell Nile was talking about considering the latest updates on the project.

Hanji should also finally have the stupid papers presented to her for the stunts she pulled to cover his mistakes. He was so out of it today. It almost never happened to him, he saw the surprise on his employees' faces which didn't help him feeling shitty.

He gazed at Erwin's sleeping face and felt somewhat better.

He felt the need to see the blond, such strong that he thought screw what Hanji said and came.

But not only because of his shitty day.

Ever since the party, ever since he was confronted with all the couples, he felt a little more dejected. He wasn't the one to ever ponder too much on topic of being alone and lonely but then again he was trying to get back to the world for the lack of any better terms. Being reminded of how things worked hit him in ways he hadn't predicted. It made him realize even more just how closed off he was. This closure was too much even for him. Getting out of was tougher than he imagined.

Levi took Erwin's hand into his and put it to his cheek.

''Sorry, bud. I guess I am too antisocial. Like you don't know that already. – Levi let out a grim chuckle. – But I felt so guilty when I realized when I was there, having fun and you were… I know you're just sooo going to kick my ass for this pouty shit I am feeling right now but… I guess getting back there isn't as easy as I thought. I am not certain either if I want to get back…Oh, I know what you would say now. I have to, I should and all that shit that Hanji said but…''

Levi kissed the palm as he closed his eyes.

''Never mind. I will. I promise I won't go back to how I was back then. I just miss you, Erwin.''

Click.

Levi, a little startled, turned around.

He met green eyes surrounded by skin tinted with pink.

Eren looked away as he scratched his head.

''Sorry. I didn't mean to…''

''Shut it, brat. Come in.''

Eren nodded and graced Levi with a faint smile. His cheeks remained a little pink. Levi also felt just slightly embarrassed to be caught in such a moment of weakness.

Eren silently does his job and is about to leave but is startled when Levi speaks up.

''Come on. What are you? A teenager? Are you going to be embarrassed because I saw you having a little orgy with your friends?''

''Huh! It was not an orgy!'' Eren spoke, his cheeks crimson now.

Levi smirked, proud of himself while Eren huffed in anger and annoyance.

''You're a prick sometimes.''

''Better get used to it.''

''Yeah, I better start.''

Simple sentences but said a lot.

Eren smiled, still sending small glares at Levi, who sat comfortable in his seat.

''Well, I've got to go now, so I guess I'll see ya?''

''Sure, brat.''

Eren started walking away but was stopped again.

''Oi, Eren. – Eren turned around, confused. – Do you happen to have a phone for a nearby taxi or something?''

''Why? Don't you have a car, and you mentioned your house is near.''

''Nosy, are we? But nah. My car is broken for over a week now, and I am too tired to walk. So, do you?''

''Yeah, I think we have some cards at the desk. But Levi, saying a car is _broken_ sounds kind of…''

''Oh, shove it. It crashed, won't start whatever. It doesn't drive so it's broken to me. And all the freaking workshops somehow suddenly have an overload or want me to pay such amounts for simply picking the car for a check, I think I could buy a freaking new car.''

''I am an idiot!'' Eren suddenly exclaimed. Levi actually jumped up in his seat a little.

''No need to confirm the obvious, but why this time?''

''Thanks. – Eren said in sarcasm. – You better be nice to me because I think I might have somebody to fix your car and it won't cost you an arm and leg if I can have a say.''

''Ok, you're a good boy Eren, now keep on talking.''

''Ok, I actually felt treated like a dog right now. Never mind. Jean!''

''Huh? Yes. Jean, your friend, the one you had the lip…''

''Agh! Stop it. Jean as in a mechanic, who has a workshop. Well not yet, but it's almost as good as his. I can ask him if he can fix up your car.''

Levi looked at Eren and sighed.

''Nah, I don't think I can ask you…''

''You want _me_ to smack _you_ this time?''

Levi's mouth actually opened a little and stayed that way for a moment.

''I am just doing what you did when I was saying sorry during the party. – Eren stuck his tongue out. – Hmm. Lemme think.''

''Don't hurt yourself.''

''Really, Levi? I am too nice to you. I'll call Jean tomorrow, because today I bet he's home already. And then I'll call you? Good. Now I have to go.''

Then Eren was gone.

Levi stared at the space where the young man was still moments ago and sighed. He looked back at Erwin and shook his head.

''I tell ya Erwin, that kid should cut back on caffeine.''

 

* * *

 

Eren exited the room in an instant, a confident smirk on his face but the moment the door closed behind him, his expression changed. He was happy to help Levi but he replayed the sight he saw when he entered the room.

He was certain the expression of care and tenderness was not meant for him to see, for anyone to see on that matter. He saw Levi with such calm expression it caught him off guard.

And when he heard the raven speak those simple words of yearning, he felt his heart tighten.

Eren put his hand to his chest as he formed a fist.

It was because he wanted someone to look at him that way.

He kept telling himself that in his head as he walked away from the door.

 

* * *

 

''See ya, Thomas!''

Eren said over his shoulder, gripping his bag better, and meters away from the exit. His shift was finally over, with no bigger episodes either.

He turned around, keen on walking forward, but suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.

''M-Marco? What happened?''

''Oh, hi Eren.''

''Don't hi me. What happened to your hand!''

Eren was at his side in an instant, eyeing the bloodied up material wrapped around Marco's right arm.

''Oh, I was on my night shift at the clinic and they brought in two dogs. It seems they were fighting when somebody called us. Well one of them kind of got loose and jumped at me when I was trying to put muzzle on him. Before the worker got a hold of the leash again… well what happened you have before you. I didn't want to come but my boss said it might need stitches.''

''Oh, my. By the amount of blood I think it might.''

''Oh, it actually doesn't hurt that much so you don't have to look so devastated, Eren.''

Marco gave him a weak smile.

''Well, did you call Jean? I can do it for you if you want to, I bet it's hard with…''

''Oh, no need, Eren. Really. It's nothing big. Just looks worse than it actually is. Well I better get to ER quick before I mess up the floor. So don't worry and see ya, Eren.''

Marco had already started to slowly walk around him as he talked, so in a moment he was gone, walking through the door to the ER ward.

Eren stood there, eye brows raised while blinking stupidly.

Was it just him or did Marco just politely brush him off?

He was too tired to ponder about it at the moment but noting in his head to think through it later, maybe after taking a long bath that he felt his muscles screamed for.

 

* * *

 

 

''So, I saw you were tired yesterday and so out of your game and decided to take a pity on you. But today is brand new day! So, spill your guts and tell me what was up!''

Hanji chirped, as she sat in front of him on the other side of his desk, beaming that dorky smile at him, a hello forgotten and getting straight to the point of her visit first thing in the morning.

''You better be bearing…''

Hanji magically whipped up a cup of coffee from behind her back and smiled even more.

Levi sighed as he took it from her.

''Thanks. Nothing big, really. Just the party at Eren's place kind of extended and I got home late on Sunday and had no time to 'do homework' and was tired.''

''You stayed over?!''

Hanji beamed _even_ _more_.

''Didn't have much of a choice. The dorks, Eren and two of his friends, locked me in his apartment, drunk morons that they were.''

''It was a foursome?!'' Hanji practically screamed.

Levi, who somewhat already prepared for most of her ridiculous reactions to his story, only threw a pen at her, for the sake of keeping her perky attitude in check and as a form on punishment for yelling so early in the morning. He would've thrown it harder but they were the only ones in so no one heard her.

She still groaned as it her straight on the forehead.

''Take that as my answer. And I'd tell you all about it, as you won't leave me alone until I do, but I am behind with the work and as being the boss here it's inexcusable, so we'll talk later.''

''Alright. But tell me one thing, Levi, before you plunge into that paperwork you love so much. – Levi looked up. – What is that other thing that is bothering you that kept you from concentrating yesterday? And please, spare me the play of 'I don't know what you're talking about' and spill.''

Was he foolish again thinking he would keep anything from that devil of a woman? When would he learn?

''I hate you for that perceptivity when it comes to my person. It's stalker-like creepy.''

"Have to keep an eye out on my boss to keep things in check in case he looses his marbles.''

 _''Right_. You simply are nosy. And funny hearing it from a person that doesn't have any so called marbles herself.''

''Nice changing of the subject. I am not offended, I take pride in my uniqueness and now spill.''

''You say uniqueness, I say weirdness. And – Levi groans and puts the pen down. – I was feeling guilty. I …''

''Say no more. I know what you're going to say, Levi. So let me stop you while ahead. It's ok. You're gonna feel guilty and it's ok at first. But what's not ok is to let that keep you down. And you know why? Because when Erwin hears about a situation that you _did_ let that keep you down and stuck in that gloomy place you were at, then only then you will feel _down_ when he punches some sense into you.''

Levi smiled and nodded.

''That's it? No more preaching?''

''I am feeling generous today, so no. But next time? Don't make me drag it out of you and just come to me on your own.''

Levi raised his eye brows in surprise. Hanji sighed as she shook her head.

''Fool's hope, right? Good thing I got used to you being high maintenance type.''

She sent him one last smile and was almost out of the office when Levi spoke up.

''Oi, four eyes. – Hanji turned around, a smile still present on her face. – Have dinner with me, would ya?''

''Oooo, Levi, are you switching teams?!''

Levi glared in a way that made Hanji crackle in laughter.

''Sorry, sorry. Sure, why not. When and more important, why?''

''This Friday? And just because.''

Hanji knew it meant he was saying thanks to her but refused to word it.

''Deal. I'd love that. Mike's place?''

Levi nodded and Hanji was gone. He opened the drawer and looked at the file inside. He smiled despite himself as he closed it.

 

* * *

 

''Yo, Kirschtein, I've got a favor to ask.''

Eren says, phone to his ear as he sips his coffee outside on his break on the actually warm Tuesday afternoon. Probably the last few left in this year.

''Wow, we really did get better. No lovely horseface nickname. Or is it just because you want something?''

''Both.''

Eren chuckled into the phone to hear Jean's laughter on the other end. Eren knew they still should at least talk once about all that shit. Things wouldn't be resolved over one drunken conversation as well as a wasted and awkward make out session. But his heart felt already lighter, the normal way, the old way they teased each other did wonders to him.

''So, what is it? I am actually fighting this one nasty piece of shit that's supposed to be a car's engine or was, about a decade ago.''

''So I'll get straight to it. I have a car that needs fixing and as quickly as possible too if that would be possible.''

''I am guessing we're not talking about yours. Who's then? And what kind.''

''Friend's? And I dunno actually.''

Jean's whistle on the other end made Eren cringe. So his acting skill to speak nonchalantly failed and Jean caught up.

''Ooo, so you're trying to get into shorty's good graces by helping him fix up his car. How swe…''

''Finish that sentence and I swear I will…''

''Will what? I think you're forgetting you're still trying to get me to do something for you so the concept of beg and grovel should be in your mind right now. Not the one of being a douche.''

''Really? And you're being a dick again.''

''Going straight for the 'dick' huh? Maybe a bit of an asshole but…Ok, forget. This whole thing sounded weird.''

Eren burst out laughing and heard Jean on the other end do the same thing.

''Anyway. I am busy so I'll stop with the teasing for now. And sure. Tell him to drop it off any time. I am here almost all day lately so I doubt I would miss him.''

''That's the thing. He said it won't start so I guess you would have to pick it up.''

''Hmm. That's gonna be a bit tricky.''

''Tell you what. I'll call him, ask him where it is, the address and the keys and all and call ya back.''

''Sure. If I don't answer, just leave a message. I will check it for sure later, after I am done fighting with this piece of junk its owner calls a car.''

''Thanks again and good luck on the front line. But be warned. Horses are expendable during battle.''

Eren hung up quickly, but caught a curse or two from Jean on the other end. He chuckled to himself, finished his coffee and dialed another number.

 

* * *

 

''Damn. This is a nice neighborhood. Your shorty must be loaded.''

''Stop it Jean, and look for number 27. And how many times do I have to say he's not mine.''

''But you agree he's a shorty.''

Jean chuckled, as he slowly drove his tow truck through the clean and quiet street, full of stand alone and double houses.

''I dare you to say that to his face and sober. And come on, this is not so different from the neighborhood where my parents have their house.''

''And your parents are a little well off. Your dad's a surgeon and all that shit so…''

''So, maybe a little. Ah, there it is!''

Eren called Levi that day and talked the car problem over with him. He told Eren he was really busy during the day and there was no chance for a break. In the end they agreed, after many assurances that Eren had a half day shift on that day and it was no problem, that he would go with Jean on Thursday to get Levi's car with Jean's tow truck.

On Wednesday, the day after the conversation, Levi dropped by the hospital and left the keys to his car with Eren along with his address, where he'll be able to find it as well as the papers to the vehicle.

Now, after short team work, two men had the problematic car on the truck and were driving to Jean's workplace. Eren was coming into work later today and decided to keep Jean company.

 

''Ugh. I am guessing – Jean strained as he emerged from leaning into Levi's cars engine. – It's the first time it broke down. It's all in good shape overall, looks like your shorty takes care of this car well but this is typical with this brand. It's a quick fix but getting the part might be a bit tricky.''

Jean wiped his hands against his jumper's pants.

Eren, who was sitting on the couch in the corner and munching on his fries that they ordered earlier, along with the pizza that was long gone now, looked at Jean and squinted his eyes in annoyance.

''He's…''

''Yeah, yeah. Ok. So then, shorty's car might be done in matter of two, three days if the old Pixis has the part and if not, it might take a little longer.''

''I'll tell him. What about the money?''

''No tragedy there. Part's not too expensive. That's the only considered cost.''

''But what about…?''

''Come on. I can be nice, sometimes. He might be short and with a mean expression but he _did_ save us from that hangover. I'll tell Pix it's for your boyfriend and there'll be no problem.''

''He's not…''

''I know! But it will sound better.''

''Jean, you'll be lying to your boss.''

''Partner. I think you're forgetting half of this place is mine already.''

''True. But where are the other guys, now that I think about it.'' Eren asked, looking around.

''They're coming in later. One of them had a kid and they went a little overboard with drinking even though it was middle of the week. Of course Pix said ok to it because he was probably the most wasted one amongst them. Well, maybe except the mentioned father.''

''And you didn't go?'' Eren asked confused, letting a small growl when Jean slumped next to him on the couch and stole his French fry.

''Yeah, I did but after last Saturday? One beer was enough for me, thank you very much.''

''Oi! Stop grabbing my fries with your dirty hands!''

Jean only smirked as he bit another of his stolen goods in half.

''But you're right. After Saturday I won't look at alcohol for some time either.'' Eren admitted, sighing in defeat as his fry disappeared in Jean's smirking mouth.

A silence fell and they both felt the impending 'talk' coming.

Jean sighed and stole one last fry, this time Eren said nothing.

''It's weird, isn't it?'' Jean said after swallowing the last bite.

''Yeah. If only we would've talked back then like normal people, things could've been…''

''Yeah. Different. Is it only me that feels this is surreal?''

Both men weren't looking at each other but ahead.

''No. I feel the same way. It's weird that all it took was one simple conversation to explain everything.''

''Well, maybe not everything. And I don't think it's all sorted out but…''

''But you don't want to overanalyze this?'' Eren gazed at Jean, wondering what the blond man's expression was. Jean also looked at him and nodded slowly.

''Let me say this and I'll say this cheesy nonsense only once and I think we both are not much of talkers, so maybe it's better. I loved ya, Eren. I was furious at you that I found out from a third party that you came out. I don't remember how it went exactly but I remember being angry at you. I think it was just messed up misunderstanding that you didn't manage to tell me in time yourself but we were teenagers, hormones raging and all.''

''You tell me about it. You went raging so bad I still have a small scar over my eye brow.''

Eren said but a smile followed his answer so Jean relaxed as he looked forward again.

''And I know what you mean. I am not one to ponder on what if and so on but Jean? – Jean looked at Eren once more. – I still have some regret that we were so stupid, both of us, no exception, and we never had the chance to even try, no matter the outcome of it. The lost try is regrettable…''

''I know what you mean. But I have a feeling a 'but' is to follow that sentence. So let my try and guess. But you don't love me anymore the way back then. You care about me but not to that extent?''

Eren smiled and nodded.

''Good. Because I don't like you anymore either.'' Jean said with a grin and Eren pouted.

''You're being a douche.'' Jean laughed and soon Eren joined him.

''I can't have you going into shock when I become too nice to you.''

''Oh, I don't think you even know the concept of word 'nice'.''

''Ass!''

''Idiot!''

''Takes one to notice one.''

They looked at each other and sighed.

''But seriously, Jaeger. Don't get your hopes up, there's no chance for you anymore in this department.''

''I know, I know. You're head over heals in love with the freckled Bodt. Everyone knows that. Even strangers see it the moment they see you two together.''

To Eren's surprise, Jean sighed and looked down at his entwined hands.

''Not lately, no.''

''Something happened? Don't tell me that after our _adventure_ Marco got mad at you or something. We were drunk off our asses, putting the lost loves aside. I can't count how many times me and Armin…''

''No. I don't think it's about that. I think he's embarrassed about it, just like we two are, you know, mental hangover shit. I think it's something else; maybe it's about Saturday incident but maybe not. I don't know. He just avoids me all of a sudden, though he's trying to pretend like everything's good. We are both more busy at the moment and all but…Agh! I just know he's struggling with something but won't tell me about it! And just when I wanted to ask him to move in!''

Jean groaned out the last part. Eren's eyes widened in shock.

Jean soon realized what he had said and covered his mouth with his hand. Eren also felt generous today and decided against teasing him about it. For now a least.

''Woah. That's big Jean. Congrats, I guess?''

''Too bad there's nothing to congratulate. I can't ask him if I don't know what's wrong and can't solve the problem.''

''Just talk to him. You guys are great together, I mean he made us not want to kill each other _every_ chance we had seen each other so I know he's good influence on you. – Jean scoffed but his lips tucked at the sides. – But how is he by the way?''

Jean looked up from his hands at Eren, confusion written all over his face.

Eren cringed in realization.

So it was worse than Eren thought at first if Marco didn't even tell Jean about his injury.

Eren pondered if there's a way out of this but Jean's piercing eyes told him a certain no.

''Um, I mean about the bite?''

''What?!'' Jean was on his feet in instant, looking down at Eren.

''I thought you knew. I mean, I just saw him in the hospital by chance and …''

Jean's hand firmly gripped his t-shirt and before he knew it, he was on his feet, Jean's face hovering over his. He was furious but Eren was nowhere near mad at being manhandled. He understood the source of Jean's fury.

It was concern.

But what was more, it was fear.

His eyes sparkled with it as they went wide and stared at Eren.

''Jean, calm down, please. You said it yourself, you both were busy so maybe he forgot and…''

Jean let go of him as he groaned in frustration and anger. Eren caught a mumbled sorry but it was enough.

''Call him. But be calm. We both know that jumping into conversation angry doesn't end well. And before you can ask, all I know is that some dog bit him on his Monday shift and came into ER because his boss made him. I'm sorry to say it looked to me he might need stitched. But I don't know the details as I was leaving and he kind of hurried…away.''

Eren said the last words slowly and something clicked in his head.

He almost let out a groan of realization. He missed the days when his life was boring and stagnant with routine.

Hopefully Jean didn't notice his slight change of tone in answer at the end and wouldn't ask questions. When he didn't, Eren carried on.

''How about you drive me to my apartment, and then call Marco? Meet up and talk? Who knows, it could be just he was busy and had no chance to tell you.''

Jean only nodded and trotted to get keys to his personal car.

Eren was sad to see him in such state. His posture screamed dejection, while his quiet and stuttering tone told Eren he was fearful and worried. But his eyes shouted anger and rage. Eren wasn't sure how one person could feel so much at the same time, and such contradictory feelings but Eren knew Jean long enough to take note on all three of them.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hit!

Smash!

Crack, crack, crack!

Squelch...

Drop..Drop..Drop..

Hits came over and over again.

But the pain didn't.

It was already there.

Squelching echoed in his ears.

Repeated over and over and over again to the point of burning inside his mind.

He tried to pick up his limbs from the cold surface.

It was no use.

His body didn't listen.

He commanded, tried to will his brain to send signals to his hands, to his legs, to his fingers, to anything that was still his own body but the barrier of pain and ache was unbreakable.

The weight on him was too much to fight.

The pressure seemed to come from every side, suffocating him. Strangling him to the point of each cell of his existence on the verge of bursting.

The ache.

Continuous and growing.

The soreness of his muscles was unbearable. Or they should be.

He should be screaming in torment, in agony as more blood flooded and got into his eyes.

His vision was becoming blurry.

But not blurry enough.

He didn't want to see.

But he saw.

He wanted to scream.

But he couldn't.

He tried to yell his lungs out.

Not in pain.

Pain didn't matter.

The desperation to yell was that of another.

He tried to make his throat work, to call in despair.

He tried.

Over and over.

He failed.

Over and over.

No other sound than a useless croak came out.

Eyes opened, hazy as blood dripped down his brows and cheeks.

He could taste it on his tongue.

Metallic smell of it making himnauseous.

He watched and screamed; his screams stayed inside, refusing to become vocal.

His consciousness refused to fade.

He wanted it to be over.

To disappear.

He wanted to vanish.

To stop existing.

He couldn't.

He simply **_couldn't_**.

Only a single tear went down his cheek.

And the nightmare continued.

He stayed still.

He laid. 

Unmoving.

Frozen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off - Sooooory for the delay, I really had to take a little break; been busy and had to get my thoughts in order considering the plot.  
> Second - I know SHIT about cars, so please, bare with me?  
> Third - I know it's shorter than the last ones but I wasn't even planning on posting it so soon, finished it in almost one go. Hope you like it.  
> Forth and last - I cannot promise regular updates in the nearest future, but I can somewhat promise to try not to extend the breaks to more than two weeks, of that I am sure ^^


	12. One step forward, two steps back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, some things are better left alone while others not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I **almost** made it within promised two-week time, sorry ^^  
>  Plus this one is a little un-beta'd, because my beta is having a test this week (good luck baby! ^__^) so if you see any mistakes, feel free to draw my attention to it.  
> So with no further ado, enjoy.  
> 

His eyes shot open and instantly he's sitting up on his bed. His clothes are wet, soaked with sweat; they cling to his body uncomfortably. His breathing is heavy and loud. He tries to slow it down but the pictures of the nightmare keep zooming past in his head, replaying over and over again. He cringes and grinds his teeth together; trying with all the will he has to shove it away and back into the dark corners of his mind.

He cannot.

Again he cannot forget those pictures. He sees them once more, each time he blinks, they flash, like a broken record, they keep appearing before him.

It makes him sweat and cringe, ache as he grinds his teeth together to the point of pain. He hears them gnash loudly as his palms grab his head on both sides.

He puts his knees up, his head secured in his hands, his ears covered to keep any outside noise away and his body starts to rock back and forth all by itself. He can't control it and just lets it be.

All he can do now is pray the panic attack that's almost at the surface will go away. For it to pass and leave as he tries to get his breathing under control.

All that is left is to wait it out. Just like always.

He squeezes his head in such force he can feel his fingernails biting into his flesh. He swallows hard but not because of the pain. It's trivial now. The vision before him filled with blood and gore, playing out in his head, appearing behind his closed lids is more gruesome and painful. He feels his eyes water and the sound he makes surprises even him.

It's a sound an animal on the verge of dying lets out.

While it keeps trying to fight and live, hanging to the thread of hope, to life itself, it matters not. In the end it's still futile. No matter the sounds it might make, the end is upon them. It's unavoidable and that's how Levi feels right now.

On the verge of dying.

His mentality is so close to breaking now, the nightmare took him by surprise so badly that it knocked him into the state of shock and panic. He's simply scared, in fear that he might not get it under control alone.

Then a sudden ring abruptly snaps him out of it.

It's unexpected and loud, something he didn't know he needed to come back to reality.

Instantly he's back in his bedroom, sweaty and tired, breathing heavily.

Not on that cold pavement anymore, with hopelessness caging his limbs as he stares at the lifeless body just barely out of reach.

His mind took the dark detour once more and he had to shake his head to come back.

The ringing doesn't stop, so Levi gets up and walks to the home phone on shaky legs.

He barely notices the clock stating it is 6:58; he still has about a half an hour until he has to get up for work. He mindlessly picks up the annoying phone and mumbles hello.

He has calmed down enough for his legs to hold him up but the moment he recognizes the voice on the other end he tightly grabs the table the phone stood on. He grips it inn pure anger and rage.

''I just wanted to inform you that the appeal case will take place in two weeks time, on Friday at 12. I figured it was best to inform you personally so you wouldn't have any more excuses to lie you didn't know about it. The notice should arrive today as well. It's a court notice so you'd be more idiotic than you already are to ignore it. That would be enough of me wasting my breath on you. Until our unfortunate seeing each other in two weeks.''

 _Doot_ - _Doot_ - _Doot_

Levi stares at the phone for another moment as the signal keeps beeping, announcing that the other end had already hung up.

When the reality of what he just heard gets to him, doubled with the weight of his dream, he tightly grabs the cordless phone in his right hand.

Seconds later he uses all his pent up anger, fear and rage and swings it across the room.

It smashes into tiny pieces, leaving a small dent in the wall.

The noise it made was loud but Levi heard none of that.

At the moment he was feeling such fury and overwhelming wrath, his ears were ringing as he bit his bottom lip to keep himself from screaming in ferocity. He barely noticed the metallic taste in his mouth as he went into the bathroom to take a cold shower.

 

* * *

 

''Hey, what's up? I saw you called earlier but I couldn't pick; I just had started my shift then.''

Eren spoke into the phone as he sat on the bench in the locker room. It was too cold today to go outside to chat and Hannes didn't like the use of cell phones in his hospital.

''No problem. Figured as much. I just wanted to tell you about Levi's car. We don't have the part in the shop but Pix said he can get it quite quickly from some dude he knows. So it's safe to say it's gonna be done and ready by Monday afternoon. You can pass it on to your shorty.''

''Jean. – Eren whined and heard Jean scoff on the other end. Of course that 'your' commentary was deliberate. – But thanks a lot. I'll tell him. And are you certain about the payment? I mean…''

''Shut it Jaeger. I really don't feel like repeating myself, douche.''

''Ok, ok. right. You might even seem like you're a nice guy or something and we don't want that now do we?'' Eren teased as he looked for some change in his wallet.

He slept really badly. Stupid leg just had to remind of itself as winter neared. It pained and ached and no painkillers would help. Eren knew too well to even try to take any pills. He had to grin and bear it.

''Yeah, yeah. Not gonna happen anyway.'' Jean answered halfheartedly.

''Whoa. Are you sick? That was some weak come back.''

''Nah. I am fine.''

''Come on, Jean. You're forgetting how long I've known ya man. We might've been on rocky paths these last years but…''

''But we've know each other for soooooooooooo long it's obvious that…'' Jean started to retort sarcastically but stopped mid way.

Eren was confused what the man on the other end of the line was spouting but even if he tried to pretend now, there was no denying that Jean was in a shitty mood.

''Come on, Jean. Really? What's wrong?''

''Agh! It's n-nothing.''

''You know, when it's really nothing people usually say 'I don't know what you're talking about' and are confused. You there, that was pure denial.''

Jean groaned on the other end loud and Eren had to put the phone away from his ear.

''I hate you. But…it's Marco.''

Of course it is, Eren thinks to himself but otherwise keeps that thought unspoken.

''You talked to him? What did he say?''

''I wish. I keep getting the voicemail. I don't know shit about this injury you mentioned, if he's ok and all. I am starting to get freaked out and what does he do? He doesn't answer!

I kept calling the whole day yesterday after you left and then today too. The only thing I got was a message saying he's really busy at the clinic and can't pick up. He didn't even say shit about this bite only something about doing double shift because all the interns that were supposed to be helping aren't there because of some shift. I don't even remember.

Agh, he's avoiding me and I haven't got the slightest clue why! I mean I can figure it's about that night and all but come on! Are we five to get all shy and flustered?! We just did some making out together, I hate the idea that you and him and all but come on, we were drunk! Add it to another drunken story and… but then again I've never seen Marco that drunk, let alone do shit like that. Maybe he's lost in all of this? But I know him and he has this side of him that…''

Eren sat there and listened, a smile breaking through. Jean was rambling. It was too long since he's heard that. Whenever he was worried about something he just rambled and rambled.

Eren only half listened to it. Not because he was rude, it was because he also knew another of Jean's tendencies during those rambles. He'll be spouting embarrassing nonsense in moments and the last thing Eren wanted was to hear some intimate details about his and Marco's relationship.

Sure enough, he caught something about how Marco has a wild side during…

''Ok, time to stop you now Jean. You're rambling and I think we both don't want me to hear how Marco shows you his wild side tendencies, now do we?''

Eren heard Jean curse and couldn't help himself and let out a short laugh. Jean of course lost himself in the flow of words and probably didn't realize half the things he was saying.

''Shit. It's been some time since I've last lost it like that.''

''Tell me about it. I can still remember how that one time you were worried about your parents fighting and how you mentioned that you got caught…''

''Aaaaa. Stop it now Jaeger! Why did you have to mention that shit now?!''

Eren chuckled as Jean groaned on the other side.

''But do you feel better now? After letting it all out?''

Eren caught a faint confirmation.

''So, now chill your balls and wait for him to answer. I bet he's just really busy and really can't talk. And I am sure his hand is fine if he didn't even mention it. I figure it isn't the first time you guys can't talk too much during the week. So I bet he'll call you soon enough and then you can meet and talk everything through.

But remember Jean, be honest but not a dick? Just tell him how you feel and what you think and I mean everything, don't leave any shit out. I know it's not too good of an example but just think how a simple unresolved talk got us into pretty deep stuff.''

''Yeah. You're right. It is a bad example, Eren.''

Eren rolled his eyes but knew Jean was just messing with him.

''I am just mad that he's fucking not picking up. I am worried for fuck's sake. Also I guess I am not used to it, him not answering and not calling back. Even before when he was mega busy he'd at least call me a day later or something. It's not like we talk every single day but… well he'd never _didn't_ call me back.''

Eren listened to some more groaning coming from Jean but his mind wondered.

It was indeed a bit wired of Marco not to call Jean back. Eren might be only a friend and not a boyfriend one but he still knew Marco pretty well, it wasn't like him to ignore Jean's tries at contacting him.

A random thought crossed his mind as to why and he didn't like it one bit. It occurred to him once before so there must be something to this assumption of his. Eren knew he shouldn't be butting in more than those few advices that he already gave Jean but his gut was telling him something. He was hoping he was over thinking things and was wrong but still felt the need to make sure. In the end, if he was right, it somehow involved him as well.

''All I can tell you Jean is to wait it out and then talk. Nothing more you can do at the moment is there?''

''Yeah. Um but um, thanks for listening, you know.''

Eren did everything in his power not to burst out laughing at a very Jean-like way of saying thanks. Guess some things will never change.

''Sure. No problem. But I gotta go, I need coffee and I need it **now**.''

''What, shorty kept you **_up_** all night?''

''Asshole. No. And really, stop with all the insinuations Jean. Especially while he's present. I told you that he's taken.''

''Really? And where was his other half that he had to come alone to the party?''

''It's complicated. Plus it's not like…''

''If you're about to say you're not interested in him let me stop you now. You're not fooling anyone so better stop ahead.''

Eren sighed and kept quiet. Guess people saw he was crushing on Levi no matter what he did.

''Damn. But it will pass. So shove those comments up your nose.''

''Right. Whatever you say. But I have to go too. Pix needs my help. Old man can't manage without me anymore those days.''

Eren heard some faint yelling about how this 'old man' can still kick his ass or whack him on the head with a hammer so he'd better get to work.

Eren chuckled and they said their byes.

When the call ended, Eren went into his contact list again and searched for a name. He stared at it for some time, trying to come up with an excuse for calling when a random thought came to him. It was a bit wrong but he just felt the need to butt in into someone else's business this one time. Hopefully he wouldn't regret it.

He clicked number and put the phone to his ear.

It was already at the 4th signal when he started thinking that maybe he won't pick up.

After 7th he was about to hang up when the person finally answered.

''Hello?''

''Hey, Marco. I started to think you wouldn't pick up.''

''Oh, Eren. Hi. I-I was just a bit busy. I am at work and actually don't have much time to…''

''It's ok. I am at work too but just wanted to ask a quick question. Is it ok if I stop by with Titan tonight? You know how my shifts are mostly at night and during the day I am bit busy lately and wanted to drop by after today's shift? Titan's nails need trimming and you know how grumpy he gets when they start to bother him?''

''Oh, s-sure. But what time? I am here until 12 so…''

''Perfect. I end my shift at 10pm so it's perfect. So see you later.''

Eren hung up right away not to give Marco any excuse to add any kind of 'but' to this conversation. He knew it was a little low of him but felt confided about his decision. Hopefully he won't come out of this whole ordeal looking like an ass who doesn't know how to mind his own business.

 

* * *

 

''Ooo, Levi, I am starting to get suspicious. First you ask me out…''

''I asked you to have dinner with me, not out. There's a difference woman. I can still walk out if you piss me off.''

''True. You would do that without a second thought and probably leave me to pay the bill too. Good thing we're at Mike's so…''

''I'd work you like a horse until you'd pay every single penny back.''

Levi scoffed as a smirk broke through his expression. Hanji turned around to look at Mike, who was dressed casually, which meant he was not cooking tonight.

''Agh, I have such awful friends. Here, I always show you my undying love and affection and all I get is sarcasm and grumpiness.''

''Ever occurred to you that all the perky affection is the problem?''

Levi asked as Mike stood on the side of the table so both him and Hanji could face him. Hanji groaned in response as she let her head bump on the still empty table. Mike chuckled as he somewhat affectionately pat her back. Though it looked a little bizarre with his humongous hands on her rather slender back.

''You're awful, Levi.''

''You're saying it as if it's some news to you. How long have you known me? It can't be you're that slow to have just realized it.''

Mike shook his head in defeat as Hanji let out another groan.

''Come on, ease up Levi. You invited her just to pick on her? What a waste of time when you can easily do all that at work.''

''Agh, you both are awful!''

Mike and Levi chuckled as Hanji pretended to cry.

''Alright. True. I can pick on her all to my heart's content tomorrow. But now, tell us what your recommendation for tonight is.''

Soon enough Mike was gone and their order has been made. They fell into idle chit chat and Hanji stoped pretending to be crying, back to being her perky self.

''Come on, Levi. I know there's a reason you invited me here.''

''Maybe. But you have to wait at least until after we eat our meal.''

''Agh! I knew it. So there is a reason! Now I am even more curious. Tell me, tell me, tell me!''

''Are you five? Act civilized would you?''

''You're no fun. Then at least tell me what got your panties in the twist ever since this morning. You've been more assholey than usual.''

''One – that is not even a word. Two – I was not. Just the usual dick.''

''Will you answer any of my questions today or not?''

''If you ask not the annoying ones, then maybe, yes.''

''So I guess Eren topic is also unavailable.'' Hanji mumbled under her breath but Levi heard nonetheless.

''And what was that supposed to mean?''

''Nothing. Nothing. Oooh, but I can ask about that party right? We had no time during the week and you said….''

Hanji trailed off while giving Levi the most begging puppy eyes he's ever seen. Well, maybe except Eren. Levi doubted anyone could beat that brat when it came to cuteness of puppy eyes. Wait. What the hell was he thinking right now?

Back to Hanji.

Best to answer her or soon enough he would have to be picking up her eyeballs from the table as to how much she was staring at him now. He sighed and nodded. She squealed, which caught attention of other guests. Levi glared at her and she calmed down, though her face was still showing an expression of a kid just before opening their present.

So he went into telling her about the party. He had to make her swear to keep her laughing at some decent volume. Of course threats of making her pay for the meal had to be made to make sure. Their appetizer came when he was around telling her about his meeting with Mikasa, which Hanji found really interesting for some reason.

When he got to the part about how he was 'greeted' by Eren's friends at the door, Levi had to say Hanji was chucking like a civilized person. It was probably the first. Guess money threats worked on her better than he'd imagined.

They stopped talking when their food came and went into comfortable silence for the beginning of the meal. Levi was actually starving, barely eating anything for the whole day while Hanji? She just liked food in general, and Mike's food was at the pedestal of it all.

She was beaming with pleasure and her eyes gleamed more with each bite. It was a little entertaining watching her as she enjoyed every single bite. Levi liked that expression on her face, plus a bonus to this was that the food kept her mouth shut for at least a little while.

Not that it was all too good in this precise moment.

Levi finally had a moment of silence and quiet and his mind had a chance to doze off and rest. And that was a very bad thing. He became unguarded for a moment and instantly he found his thoughts wondering to this morning.

The dream. It gave him shivers and goose bumps.

But there was also the call that came later.

That, on the other hand, caused anger and rage build up. He tried to keep it low and unnoticed. He gripped the fork a little too hard as he replayed the words of _that person_ in his head.

Why now?

Why **again**?

He was hoping it was over with, that they gave up. That, as shitty as his life might be at the moment, he could live it somewhat calmly and forget about this nightmare.

It was very naïve of him to think that they'd give up. They were too persistent for that. The call and the information it brought caught him completely off guard. He did not see that one coming at all.

He was really lost in thoughts, gripping the fork so tightly it was leaving red marks on the sides of his fingers, and didn't even notice that Hanji was back on earth from her culinary heaven and was now saying something to him.

''Huh?'' He looked up from his food confused. He received a sigh and a shake of head as a response.

''Never mind. Better tell me what's bothering you before you break Mike's cutlery.''

''What? Nothing's bothering me. I was just lost in thought and…''

''And wanted to kill the already dead, seasoned and cooked piggy with your eyes? Don't think so.''

Levi sighed, he was doing a lot of sighing lately he's noticed and put his knife and fork on the side of the plate.

Best to be honest with Hanji. That's something he learned and gave into some time ago. It saved them both a lot of time.

''Tell you what? I have a reason to have invited you here but that's later. And because of it I don't want to talk about whatever is bothering me at the moment. It's not important right now, not tonight. Another time, ok?''

Hanji studied his face expression, which he knew and was told many times was blank most of the time. But she must've read _something_ from it because moments later she nodded and smiled to him.

That kind and calm smile of hers reminded him instantly why he chose to put up with her shit. She was perky, annoying and loud but above all, she was kind. Plus she could put up with _his_ shit and that was rarity all in itself.

''Sure. So the reason why we're here, in this lovely restaurant, enjoying each other's lovely company, eating this love…''

''You know what's also lovely? The concept of a huge bump on your head, four-eyes. So eat your dinner first.'' Hanji chuckled but went back to eating her meal.

Soon, their plates were taken away, and trusting Mike's judgment they waited for their dessert while sipping the red wine they got earlier. Half a bottle of it was already gone, which showed in form of pink cheeks on Hanji's face.

''So, here. Your patience is to be awarded – Levi leaned down and grabbed a case file from his bag that was hanging on the back of the chair. He looked at it one more time and then placed it in front of Hanji. – Here. Read it.''

Hanji looked confused but took the file in hand and opened it. Her eyes scanned the contents of whatever was inside and with each moment they went wider as her smile grew.

Levi had looked away and started to scan the place in boredom while waiting for her to read it.

It was his mistake because he failed to see when she got up and seconds later she had her arms wrapped around his neck while leaning down. She was squealing into his ear as he cringed at the sudden impact of her body and now the loud noise right next to his ear.

''Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh my god, Levi. I didn't see that one coming. I am really happy.''

''Ugh, get off me. I get it already. Happy. Right. Now off.''

Of course she didn't listen to him and squeezed him couple of more times before she let go. Before walking away and back to her seat she planted a sloppy and loud kiss on his cheek. When she was back in front of him, seated in her chair and that stupid grin on her face, Levi wiped the excessive spit off his cheek as he let our a sigh of defeat.

He was already starting to regret his decision.

''Come on. What's there to be surprised about? As annoying as you might be, you get whatever shit I throw at you done and we both know you deserve that piece of paper. Of course it's only a first version of contract, you can get your lawyer look through…''

''Oh, stop the bullshit Levi. I know there's no need for that but I will because you won't stop nagging me about it. But not today. Today let us drink to your new partner. To ME!''

Hanji squeaked the last part as she raised her glass in toast.

Levi groaned but also raised his own glass.

''I am starting to regret this already, just so you know.''

''Always the optimist. I am also looking forward to our partnership, Levi.''

They drank their toast and Mike was at their table moments later. Levi was wondering if he _smelt_ the change of atmosphere or something to practically teleport at the perfect timing.

''Oi, congrats Hanji.''

''Damn, you knew Mike?''

''Yeah. Levi called me because of the reservation but also – Mike looked towards the kitchen and one of the waiters came out carrying something. – Hope you like it like always.''

The waiter came carrying a plate with a cake and set it down on their table. He gave a small nod and a smile to Hanji before he walked away.

''Oh my! Is this?''

Hanji looked at Mike and he nodded. Of course another squeal. Levi couldn't help feeling happy looking at her excitement. Most of the time her happy-go-luck attitude tired and annoyed the living out of him but today he couldn't suppress it and enjoyed it with her for at least a moment. Best way to keep those other thoughts away from his mind.

But when Hanji made attempt to get up once more he had to draw the line.

''Ok, stop right there. One hug per a lifetime from you is enough.''

Hanji laughed but nodded.

''But thank you Levi, and thank you Mike. I really am happy. And this cake here, aaaa it's my favorite! It has…''

''We know.'' Mike and Levi said together, before she had a chance to into details everything the cake before them contained.

''Right. So how about it, Mike? Join us and have a piece?''

Mike looked at Levi who nodded in defeat.

Soon, all three were seated with a piece of vanilla multi fruit cake to enjoy. Hanji was slowly munching on her second serving. The first one she almost literally vacuumed off the plate.

''And just you know, I can't give you a raise. Not now anyway. You have to wait until we finish this project for Nile's company.''

Levi said, as he took another bite of the cake. Damn was it delicious. He preferred chocolate desserts but this one he enjoyed almost as much as Hanji did. Though he kept his commentary to zero. Hanji was groaning and moaning in delight for all three of them.

''Fure. – She mumbled in between bites, a lot of cake still in her mouth. She took a sip of the wine and swallowed. – I am just happy for the idea, for you proposing it, for, well, all of it really, Levi. It means a lot and I-I…''

She looked down and Levi was almost certain she was on verge of crying. It was a first time seeing her like this for him but knew they were tears of happiness.

''Oh, come on. It's not like you won the Ammy's or something.''

Hanji only shook her head and kept quiet, blinking rapidly while her eyes shined. Mike smiled, his piece gone for some time now and patted her hand.

When she got it together again, they changed the subject and chit chatted about random things.

''So, Mike. How's Mrs. Zacharias?'' Hanji asked as she caught a glimpse of the ring on his hand.

''Oh, Nanaba? Damn, it still sounds weird when you say it like that. She's alright, though she caught a little flue and is stuck home, which we all know how much she loves.''

All three nodded in agreement. It meant Mike had some grumpy wife on his head. Levi would say 'poor Mike' unless he hadn't know how much Mike enjoyed taking care of his other half.

''What are you, a moron? You've been married for about three months now and still can't get out your honeymoon phase?''

''That? I'll never get out of it if I can help it. – He gave them such a wide grin it fucking shined at them. – I hate taking this off when I cook and work, though not like I can help it.''

He looked at his ring finger that bore a simple silver wedding band, probably thinking about the person who wore the matching one on her slim fingers.

''I tell ya. I was scared it might change after tying the knot but it's the opposite. Even though we already lived together before the wedding somehow it's different. And the sex? Oh my god the se…''

Levi took his fork that had the cake on it and shoved it in his mouth.

Mike chocked a little while Hanji went into full blown laughing fit. When he finally got it together he glared at Levi.

''Come on! You almost stuffed that thing down my throat! And you're the one explaining my infidelity to Nanaba.''

Levi looked at him confused.

''Indirect kiss!'' Mike said as it was the most obvious thing in the world.

That was it. It was his limit and Levi couldn't help this time as he face palmed in response. This comment didn't even deserve any other answer.

Hanji was laughing again, being less quiet this time and Levi simply knew they were drawing attention of other guests. Good thing they were sitting with the owner, though he was the cause of the commotion this time.

''Come on Levi; now tell me the rest of the story from the party! You stopped at the beginning and I bet you were hoping I forgot. I didn't, so tell me more.''

Mike looked curious from Hanji to Levi and back. Levi sighed and figured he could tell the rest. Little did he know that the commotion they caused so far was nothing compared to what was to come and how much excitement Hanji still had left in her.

 

* * *

 

''Titan! Calm down you stupid mutt or I'll disown you, I swear!''

Eren heard a chuckled as the automatic door closed behind him.

The dog in question was pulling on his leash and he could barely keep him in control. If Titan was weird and unusual for a dog, the most different thing about him was his attitude when it came to going to the vet. The movement he heard the mention of it he went into rampage. Rampage of happiness.

Eren made sure to keep the word away from the mutt's ears until the latest moments but somehow it slipped by him when he was talking to Armin on the phone and he had to survive about a ten minute walk-wrestle and was sweating heavily.

''I don't think it's actually possible Eren so it's not much of a threat.''

Eren looked to the side and smiled despite his exhaustion.

''I guess threatening him to leave him here wouldn't be much of a threat either. Hi, Ilse. Brought your most eager patient.''

''Yeah, Marco told me. Heya Titan, how you've been buddy?''

Eren gave up and let the leash go. Instantly he was at Ilse's side, who was kneeling down and smiling at the gigantic dog.

Eren couldn't really understand why she was crunching down when Titan was now towering over her. He did one round around her, his tail wagging frantically and then gave her his sloppy kiss on the cheek. She always allowed only one and he seemed to know it by now and there was no more.

Now he was positioning his head for scratching, his tongue dangling and the tail in non stop motion.

''So, what will it be this time lovely boy? What can I do for you today?'' Ilse asked Eren but was still looking at Titan, whose hind leg was thumping as she hit his spot behind his pointy ear.

''Nothing much. His shots are all in check just those scary nails are a bit too long and he's been a little grumpy and licking his back legs. Though if you could do an overall check if everything's good?''

Ilse stood up and put up one of her fingers up in motion for Titan to calm down. Instant later Eren had another dog before his eyes. He was sitting down, looking up at them patiently though his tails kept on wagging. Titan was obedient to Eren's luck, considering how big he was, but what Ilse could do with a simple look or a hand gesture wouldn't stop to amaze him.

''Sure. We'll check those ears and teeth and see when the next shot should be and …''

The door to the back opened and Marco came out.

''Oh, hi Marco.''

''Hey, Eren. What happened? You look exhausted.''

Eren chuckled as he shook his head while looking at the cause of his distorted and tired look. Titan must've understood somewhat and moved his head downwards in guilt.

''The mutt heard me mention your and Ilse's name and went bonkers.''

Marco chuckled and nodded in understanding.

''Your dog is most possibly the only known animal to be happy about vet visits. But let's get him into the room and get those…''

''Nah. Don't worry about it Marco, I'll take care of him. You go with Eren into back room and give the poor guy something to drink. You know Titan is an angel and I can manage by myself.''

''But…'' Marco looked uncomfortable and his eyes went wide unexpectedly. Eren had a sudden image of a deer caught in the headlight.

So his feeling was probably right and Ilse just helped him a ton with his plan. He wouldn't be able to play it out better even if he wanted to.

''Stop. It's calm at the moment and I can manage on my own with this big baby here. Right Titan?'' Ilse looked down at Titan who stood up and was vibrating in excitement.

"See?'' Ilse looked at them and smiled.

Marco nodded reluctantly and walked with Eren to their back room slash office.

''So, what's this I hear about you being extra busy?''

Eren figured it's best to get straight to the point. If he was about to be an ass and butt into his and Jean's business there was not need to beat around the bush.

And so, in reaction to his not so subtle question, Marco blushed and looked away.

So he caught up with the insinuation as well.

''I-I see that Jean talked to you.''

Marco refused to look his way and walked around the office, probably trying to pretend being extra busy and actually doing something work related.

Eren sat in his chair and figured he could leave him with at least this much of freedom.

''Of course he did. He's freaking out because he doesn't know what's going on. He's found out about your hand from me and is pissed he knows shit if you're ok or not. He's also jumpy because you refuse to call him back, or at least it seams that way to him.

Though it wasn't like we met in order to talk about your relationship problems, Marco. He's just helping me out with Levi's car problems and we ended up talking.''

''Of course he is.'' Marco whispered looking through some case file but Eren still heard him.

''Come on, Marco. I thought that at least you were the sane one in this relationship. Jean is an idiot when it comes to many things and might be slow to catch up what might be wrong but I'll be bold to assume that I might know. Please, don't be an idiot as well and look at me.''

Marco reluctantly looked at him.

''You're afraid what happened between all three of us, especially between Jean and I, what it might do to your relationship, aren't you?''

Marco made some movements with his lips that indicated that he might want to say something but no words came out.

''Come on, Marco. Really? Why the hell would you think something like that? Is it because of the making out? Come on, we all three barely remember anything from it, though you the least of it if I am correct. It's some stupid shit we pulled being drunk off our asses, something we will surely laugh about when we finally get over the embarrassment and …''

''No! It's…it's not about that. I know it's something silly; I am your age for god's sake. I pulled my own stupid stunts in my life. It's…''

''What is it about? You cannot think that Jean and I…''

''And why not? – Marco finally looked at him and Eren was really surprised to see so much fear in the man's eyes. He really didn't even begin to imagine it was that bad in Marco's eyes. He had a lot of convincing to do ahead of him. – You guys know each other for ages, been friends, _best_ friends forever, no matter if you've been fighting for last years or not, you understand each other on a level I can't even begin to compete…''

''And you're not supposed to compete Marco. Because there's nothing to compete about. Me and Jean and you and Jean are two separate things. We made up, got everything in the open and I won't lie when I'll say I want to patch things up between us more in the future, but what was back then is over. I did love him, and I still do but it's as simple as the fact that I am not in love with him anymore as cheese as it might sound.''

Marco looked at him and Eren simply couldn't read his expression anymore. It was something between concern, confusion and ponder. Eren couldn't tell which or if he was even right about it.

''Yeah, but wh-what if Jean doesn't think that. What if…'' Marco looked away.

''There's no 'if' in this situation. There's no doubt in me when I say that that horse face friend of mine loves you with all his heart. He is slow and dorky and simply too stupid to catch up what's been going on with you lately so you have to say it to him straight up about your concerns. But then again there might be a reason why he didn't manage to figure out what was wrong with you, even though I did quite quickly.''

Marco looked confused and waited for Eren to continue. Eren got up and walked up to him with his usual silly grin as he grabbed Marco's shoulders in both his hands. It didn't have the impact he'd want to, simply because Marco was taller than him but he still locked eyes with the freckled idiot.

''It's because the thought of something being between us now, now that he's already got you in his life, has never even crossed his mind. He probably didn't even think about a situation that you might feel threatened by eventual consequences of our drunken talk and revelation it brought. It's simply that obvious for him to be with you and you only.''

Eren was somewhat happy to see that amazingly red blush tint Marco's cheeks.

He patted him couple of times on one of the shoulders and walked back to his seat.

''I know I was being a douche butting right in and into your relationship when I had no right but I just couldn't help feeling it was a little my fault as well. Plus, Jean is really freaking out because you're not calling him back, only a text saying how _busy_ you are and all?''

Eren asked with his eye brows raised and all the insinuation in his voice heavy.

Marco scratched the back of his neck and his eyes screamed 'guilty'.

''I-I just needed some time to think.''

''Yeah, and made Mr. Kirschtein freak the hell out. It was only couple of days and he was acting as if you hadn't spoken to him for at least a month. That alone should tell you how much he cares. Plus, I also butted in before he would've kept on going on his mumbling spree. – Marco eyes widened which told Eren he knew of that tendency as well. – See, we don't want that, right? Today I almost learned how your 'wild side' shows.''

Eren knew he was being a dick a little, but felt the need to lighten the mood and winked at Marco.

It was safe to say Marco was experiencing a 1st degree burn to his cheeks as Eren laughed.

Thankfully Marco joined in moments later.

Eren got up and slowly edged to walk out.

''Really, just talk to your dork, Marco. My words might seem as not enough but I am confident about what I said. I am sure Jean will tell you the same thing and many more, followed by kisses and hugs and whatever you lovebirds do during make up sex.''

This one was too much and earned him a jab to the ribs from Marco.

He whined but laughed in between his wheezing.

"Oh, and just to be on the sure note, you don't have to feel any threat from my side either, or more exactly Jean doesn't have to. – Marco looked at Eren confused once more. – I mean you and me. That make out between us was on time thing, so if you have any hope for us then….''

Eren trailed off, pretending to sigh in defeat and nostalgia while looking away.

When he looked back, he was faced with Marco who had his eye brows raised and his expression screamed 'really?'. And it was in a very sarcastic tone as well.

Eren pouted and pretended to be hurt.

''Really? I actually feel offended and unappreciated here. The tempo you brushed me off with was cruel.''

''Come on, Eren. Stop goofing. But thank you. For butting in and for coming here. Jean is really lucky to have a friend like you.''

''Jean? Not only Jean, dumbass. You have me as well. All 170cm of the hotness you see before you as a friend you can count on.''

Marco only shook his head but smiled and then nodded. Eren felt brushed off once more.

They were almost at the end of the hallway and at the door where Ilse was checking Titan when Marco spoke once more.

''And I knew right from the start not to dream about your hot ass, Eren. – Looked at Marco confused, who had a suspiciously very smug look on his face. – It's because I knew right from the start of that party that your emerald orbs are currently set on some sexy, short figure who rocks at making drinks though amazingly good, their alcohol percentage hits you out of nowhere.''

Eren opened his mouth in shock and then whined, leaning his head against the wall.

''Really? – He kept his defeated posture. – You too, Marco? Can't anyone get a hint already and stop with the stupid remarks? Levi's taken.''

Eren straightened and kept on walking, though mumbled some incoherent things under his breath.

''Funny that you didn't deny that you have hots for him.''

Marco only got more mumbling as a response to which he chuckled and followed Eren into the room, where a very excited Great Dane was waiting for them.

 

* * *

 

Keep it cool, keep it cool.

Do.

Not.

Punch.

The.

Living.

Shit.

Out.

Of.

Him.

Levi kept chanting those words as a mantra while looking at his reflection in their office's bathroom.

It was Saturday afternoon and they were all stuck at work.

Ok, maybe not all. Only some of them, but Levi was the most unlucky one or at least he felt like he was.

He felt the need to distract himself this morning and decided for overtime for himself, catch up on things that were being put off for later and any other shit that simply would keep his mind busy as well as his hands. Otherwise he felt he might strangle somebody.

He felt that threat ever since he came back home on Friday evening and found the stupid notice in his mailbox.

How he managed not to crumble and rip that envelope into tiny pieces was still beyond him.

Why hadn't he figured that life loathed and hated him? Why didn't he predict that the moment others were getting their things together to head home, happy to count this Saturday as a short one, Nile would come out of nowhere, spouting something about emergency meeting.

Later, it turned out nothing of an emergency but his company just being an ass and saying they wanted to give them another project.

It would seem nothing was shitty about that except it was a project that another firm dropped out of nowhere and it had a very gloom looking due date. It would mean a lot hectic work, something Levi really hated. But he wasn't about to turn away from a project offer that meant money for his employees. He would bear it and just come up with some kind of schedule that made the impossible possible. He would be a shitty boss if he couldn't do at least that much.

What was pissing him off, making him go in rage and grab the sink in anger in addition to all the pent up madness he was feeling already since he's got a hold of that court notice was the _lovely_ person of Nile. Feel the note of heavy sarcasm on the word _lovely._

He was ever the transparent guy and kept on hitting on him. Something he really didn't feel like dealing with, especially not now.

That was why he rushed to the bathroom before he swung the men across the room or worse, out of the window. Hell with the fact he was much taller and heavier than him. With that anger Levi felt right now he figured he might be able to pull it off and not even break a sweat while at it.

He needed to calm down and go back to his office where Hanji and Nile were. The three of them, because that's all that was really needed at this stage and he let the others go, have to get to work and the sooner they did the better.

After washing his face with icy cold water two more times he went back to his office.

He failed to hide his surprise when he was faced only with Nile in his office, who was currently looking through his bookshelf with lack of any honest curiosity.

Levi ignored the fact of Hanji being gone and casually walked back to the table they currently had the papers spread out.

''Oh, you're back. Hanji went to make some coffee.'' Nile said, sitting right next to him, the distance between them lacking any comfort he'd usually prefer.

Levi was beyond the line where he was still able to even pretend to be courteous and obstinately moved to the side and away from Nile.

He should've figured that the prick was too persistent to care and said nothing about it.

Maybe strict work approach would work.

''Here, I think it would be better to use…'' Levi spoke, going into his boss-mode as he raised one of the papers that had a rough draft of the project of the product they were to work on.

It seemed Nile was also on his ignoring streak when he miraculously wound up right next to Levi once more and reached over him and grabbed the papers Levi held just to snatch them away from him and put then back on the table. Levi felt Nile's eyes on him so he figured it was time for the direct approach and looked to the side.

Just as he predicted, Nile was sitting close to him and looking straight at him, some smug smirk on his face as he looked into Levi's eyes.

Levi said nothing as he started back, his expression ever blank.

The silence went on and Nile's smirk widened.

''You're hard to get type, aren't you?''

Levi kept his tone monotonous as he spoke.

''I have no idea what you're talking about but if it's not work related then I'd prefer you won't. You are aware your company is in a tight spot with this project so it's best you focus on that instead on some trivial things.''

''Trivial? – Nile leaned in closer but that earned him no reaction from Levi at all. – I beg to differ. I think this…''

He put his hand up and attempted to touch Levi's face but Levi's hand was there instantly to prevent any touch from the taller man. Even Levi was shocked that he didn't shove Nile's hand away and only simply moved it away from himself.

''I'd prefer if you'd keep from gestures like that. I find myself a person who enjoys his personal space undisturbed.''

Nile seemed unfazed and was already leaning in, in god know what attempt, when they heard some clatter.

Levi didn't even move an inch while Nile looked away and sat straight up.

''Oh, I hope I didn’t keep you waiting for too long.''

Levi heard Hanji chipper away as she walked into his office.

''Just my luck that the coffee filter got stuck and had to struggle to get it out. Anyway, back to work I guess.''

Nile mumbled affirmation and looked back to the table filled with papers.

When he made no attempt to move, Levi did. Thankfully the couch was big enough and he still had some space while keeping in reach of the table.

He felt Hanji eye his left hand and then he remembered what he had in it. Without a second thought he discarded the pen that was broken into two on the side of the couch.

Levi wondered if she saw him snap it into to with his fist then if she also saw that he was just moments away from stabbing Nile's thigh with it if she hadn't walked.

Something about those multiple glances she stole towards the ruined object told him she indeed might've.

 

* * *

 

Levi hoped that the walk he decided to take would ease his irritation. It was a futile assumption on his part.

Lately he was constantly walking infuriated and mad and he knew all too well why that was.

The stupid paper that was the cause of all the turmoil inside him lay now on his office desk at home. After he called his lawyer and then studied the contents of it to the point he almost knew ever word by heart he decided he needed a walk.

No matter how times he might read that stupid paper the meaning of it wouldn't change. He needed to let out his frustration in some way before he started to take it out on the furniture in the house. The home phone he broke couple of days prior just annoyed him now, adding to the list of many things he had to get done. And the dent in the wall it left behind just was amongst many things that annoyed him, though at this point, almost everything got on his nerves.

Before he knew it, his legs carried him to the path towards the hospital before he even had a chance to realize it. It was set an automatic. Once more his body did it out the awful habit it was pushed into. How many more times would he have to take this path until it was needed no more?

He rubbed his hands together to gather some warmth. It was getting colder and colder with each day and amongst many annoying things today he also forgot to get his gloves and he wasn't a person who dealt with the chill well to begin with.

But soon he found himself back on the auto mode going up the stairs, through the door, on the right and then right again and once more he was pressing the handle to walk into that damned room. When he opened them and looked at Erwin at least a tiny piece of him calmed down.

Deep inside, he was still boiling with angst but when he grabbed the large hand of his partner, he did so gently and calmly.

Hopefully some solitude, maybe letting a little of his feelings out while by Erwin's side, would help him to calm down.

He was sitting there for about ten minutes and was sad to say that petting Erwin's hand, rubbing top of it with his thumb didn't bring the usual effect, the one he was hoping for. Was it time to admit he wasn't only angry at the events of last couple of days but also simply scared. Scared of envisioning a possibility of loosing the man before him, somebody who was dear to his heart in ways he wouldn't even imagine to try to describe?

He hated fear.

He hated how it made him feel.

Just like that night. But he also hated admitting to it.

And now they were making him relive and remember things he fought so hard to put behind. They just didn't know how to give up and realize they were on the loosing side.

That's right. They just needed to face it and leave him the hell alone.

He didn't realize how much he was seeking solitude until this very moment.

He closed his eyes and breathed in deep, listening to the silence around him, as weird as it might sound.

But it was short lived when moments later he heard the click of the door behind him and someone walk in. He was turning around, words of asking that person to come in later when he saw who it was.

''Oh, my. Hi Levi. Didn't know you were here.''

Levi mumbled a faint hello to Eren as the kid went to the other side and to the machine that beeped annoyingly in the stupid rhythm like it always did.

''It's actually good that you're here. I was meaning to call you but Armin and Mikasa dragged me to some new club after work yesterday and I barely woke up today for my shift. Can you believe them? Those idiots _forgot_ I had to work today. Good thing I didn't drink too much and it's gone from my system by now.''

Eren chattered on as he kept checking things and changing medicines and other stuff that he always did.

Levi simply watched and tried to tune him out. Even his voice was annoying him at the moment. He needed to think. He needed silence. He needed to form a plan of action about the case that was to take place in two weeks. And Eren's idle talking was anything but what he needed.

''Anywho, Jean says that your car…''

''…up.'' Levi mumbled.

''Huh? What did you say? I didn't he…''

''I said for you to be quiet! Just shut up for fucks sake! I need peace! Quiet! Do you know of those things or are they unknown to your babbling mouth? Just do your fucking job and just. Leave. Me. Alone.''

The last three words Levi spoke through gritted teeth while staring absentmindedly at Erwin's hand.

He was fuming with anger that portion of it he just let out. He wasn't looking at Eren so he couldn't see the boy's reaction to it all.

What Levi failed to see was shock and utter surprise that painted Eren's face as he gripped the chart to his chest. It looked like he was trying to shield himself from anymore harm that might come his way while his brain tried to comprehend what it heard.

As more of the meaning of those words got to Eren, the more he grabbed the chart with his palms which were already looking painfully white. All the blood seemed to have gone from Eren's face as well as from those trembling fingers.

Levi made the slightest movement to which Eren twitched back in fear and bit his lip.

The both men stayed in silence for a moment.

Levi breathed heavy, puffing like an angry bull and a faint gritting of the teeth could be heard.

Eren, who stood on the other side, seemed to have slowly started gather himself back. He watched Levi's face expression and suddenly Eren's face bore the most gruesome appearance that no one was cursed to see.

He calmly smiled in a sad smile as he slowly closed and opened his eyes.

He nodded to no one in particular and set the chart back at the foot of the bed, gradually and almost in slow motion. Eren looked back at Levi once and swallowed loudly, it echoed through the room.

He was almost at the door when he remembered something. Without a single word he reached into his pocket and took out a card to set it on the side table at the door, and just like with the chart, he did it unhurriedly, afraid to make any noise.

He had his hand on the handle when he decided to look back one more time.

A faint 'sorry' went through the room and then he was gone.

Levi heard Eren speak and flinched at the sound of that word.

The heaviness of what he just did hit him with that one statement.

 

* * *

 

It was nothing big.

It wasn't like he was a kid and it was the first time somebody yelled at him.

Hell, Hannes made it his mission to yell at him at least once a week when he was still an intern. Something about him being his 'adoptive-uncle', a title which expected him to push Eren harder and be anything but easy on him.

But this yell?

Levi was so angry at him, screaming and cursing out of nowhere.

It caught him off guard.

It made him realize many things suddenly.

That he really cared about Levi's opinion of him. That he was probably annoying once again. That, like always, he forgot himself the moment he felt like he was allowed to act more freely around somebody. That not even for a moment was he scared of Levi and he grabbed that chart not in fear but in pain. Pain of rejection that he felt at that moment. It hurt to hear those words leave Levi's mouth, filled with anger and annoyance.

It also hurt to see Levi boiling in pure rage while his hand kindly stroked Erwin's palm. Here he was angry and mad while subconscious didn't let him hurt the blond, comatose man in any way.

It was a brutal realization once more in a short time how much Levi cared for Erwin.

It was also very cruel to realize how fast and how badly he was falling for the gray eyed man and how he couldn't do anything about it.

Or he failed to do so far.

Until now.

His heart wouldn't be able to take it so it was best to stop it while still ahead.

So Eren took a deep breath and heaved himself from the stairwells' wall he was leaning on and took out his phone.

''Hey, Armin. Remember what we talked about yesterday? Yeah, that guy mentioned your friend from Uni knew? Yeah, yeah. I think I changed my mind, so will you give me his number? And a name, what was it again?''

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	13. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get lost somewhere along the way; is it too late to find their way back to each other?

Eren groaned as he stretched his tired limbs in the tub, filled to the brim with warm water.

He had come back home and the first thing he did was go to the bathroom in his bedroom and filled the tub with water to the point of almost spilling. After disregarding his uniform, he didn't even bother changing at the hospital and walked home in his blue nurse clothes, not caring where he left them, just dropping them on the spot, all over the apartment, he sunk his body in the welcoming warmth.

He needed this, some time to relax and let it go. His legs and hands were under the surface, as well as the rest of his body, only his eyes and nose were out of the water, the latter for the sole reason to breath. His ears were underwater as well, making any outside noise into a soothing buzzing, muting it in the way he just needed it at the moment.

He could fool himself for a little while he was relaxed but not long after fighting with his brain, his mind wondered off to actual coherent thoughts. After about a half an hour Eren figured it was a futile fight and resurfaced a little. He set the back of his neck on the pillow he had attached to the tub to make laying more comfortable, pushed his wet hair away from his face and put his arms on the side of the tub.

In moments like these, he was really happy he let his mom talk him into buying this huge ass thing when he was adding a bathroom to his bedroom after he bought the apartment. She was chirping about how he needed to live a little when he still had some money to spare for a small luxury. Or maybe it was because she was pinning for a similar one and was dropping hints at his dad any way she could? Eren didn't care at the moment as he stretched one more time, cringing a little at putting too much pressure on his left leg.

But then he started to think about what he was putting off for later.

Better to get it over with sooner.

Was it ok? Was it the right thing to do? Maybe he shouldn't have acted so impulsively? Maybe it was too quick to go ahead and call Armin? And then the second call? He knew he was awkward during the conversation; it's been some time since he had this kind of talk. Though the guy on the other end sounded really nice and polite if Eren had to be honest. Maybe that was the sole thing that saved him from making a fool out of himself. Who knew? But it was still impetuous thing he did. He wasn't sure if what he was doing wasn't wrong. He wasn't sure of many things at the moment actually.

No. That wasn't right. Amongst the chaos of things that happened all at once in the last few hours he was quite certain of one thing.

Of the hurt he felt every time he recalled how Levi raised his voice at him, how hurtful those words were, how shocked and chocked up he felt in the room, frozen and unable to move a muscle. True, he lied to himself after leaving the room that it was nothing, that he was the one in the wrong and he should've seen that coming. But it was all for naught. The moment the turmoil of afterthought was over and he laid his tired body under the water he knew he had to be honest with himself.

It fucking hurt and now Eren had to do all in his power to rid himself of these unpleasant feelings. Though whether the way he chose to do so was right, he was yet to find out.

_Scratch_

_Scratch_

Eren looked towards the door where the noise was coming from and smiled despite all the gloomy things going through his head. He only needed to nod and instantly, Titan was at his side.

The dog was so big he was eye to eye with Eren which gave him a chance to nudge Eren's face with his muzzle. Eren put up his hand and wrapped it around the dog's neck to lean into the touch of his friend.

Of course Titan noticed Eren was in a foul mood. He always did and Eren was a dick enough to forget his furry pal worried about him. Other's might think animals didn't know anything, didn't know better and Titan just came in for some petting. But Eren always saw the change in Titan's behavior; he saw the sad look in those brown orbs and he felt bad for making his pup worry.

''Sorry, buddy. I am ok. How about keeping me company while I laze around a bit more?''

Titan pulled away and wagged his tail enthusiastically to lay on the bathroom rug moments after. He was only lying there; rolled into the smallest ball he was capable off but his sole presence made Eren feel a whole lot better.

''Maybe I'll give you a bath after I leave?''

This last one earned him a small whine of displeasure.

Eren smiled and took pity on his dog. A day or two more without a bath won't kill anybody, even if Titan _was_ starting to smell like he needed one as soon as possible. It was amazing how a dog big like this was beyond happy when going to the vet but when it came to his bath he became a whiny bag of misery. It wasn't that he was scared; Titan loved water which he proved more than once at his parent's house jumping with joy at the sight of water hose. It was something about the bubbles and the shampoo that the dog didn't like. To this day Eren couldn't comprehend what and giving Titan a bath was always a small battle to be fought.

Eren washed up quickly, compared to the time had taken to soak in the tub, shampooed his hair and was getting up as his gaze locked on the mirror on the other side of bathroom that hung low over the sink. He looked at himself, naked and wet and regretted getting a big ass mirror like this.

He was standing in the tub, the water slowly flowing into the drain as he heard single drops falling from his hair and limbs. Tired and scarred limbs.

He must be really exhausted if he got caught up in his miserable sight. He was certain he was long past that. Past caring about the scar on his thigh, one on his abdomen, around the left side of his lower ribs, almost identical one on his back, in the same spot, like a mirror image of it, a faint small scratch-mark-like scars on his right pectoral, and when he put his right hand to comb his hair back, he saw one on the inside of his forearm. It was one in more visible spot, though thankfully most people missed it even in the warmer weather when he wore short sleeves. Or maybe they just pretended they didn't see. Who cared?

Eren 'tck'ed' at his own stupidity and petty attitude towards his own body and climbed out of the tub, disregarding washing it. He could do it later, tomorrow or whenever. He dried up clumsily with a towel, only not to drip too much on the floor and walked back into his bedroom.

Without putting on a single piece of clothing, boxers be damned, he slumped on the bed. After some struggling, without actually getting up, he pulled the covers from underneath and wrapped his chilly and bare naked body in it. He heard Titan climb at the foot of the bed but didn't even bother shooing him away to go to his own pillow. Seconds later he was dead asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

''Who the fuck left the copier empty again?!''

Levi yelled, while standing in the middle of the office, squeezing the file he was holding to the point of his knuckles being white.

Everyone around him jumped up or indicated their surprise in other ways. Petra for example threw all the papers she was holding and sent them flying in the air, Erd spilled his coffee on his pants and jumped up from behind his desk, squealing in pain as hot liquid seemed to soak through to his private areas and Aurou typically bit his tongue.

''Damn it, Levi. You want to kill us or something?'' Hanji said, as she walked up to him, rubbing the back of her head. It seemed she was in the middle of picking something up from under her desk and hit her head on it when Levi yelled.

''Do not tempt me, Zoë, because I just might. How many fucking times to I have to keep saying about the copier to be always, and when I say always, I mean ALWAYS, filled with paper?! – He looked around to make his point.''

Everybody was looking at him in fear. He was jumpy and in a shitty mood the moment he stepped foot in the office this morning. He was late too, to everyone's surprise. Only explanation Hanji got was some mumble about picking up his car from the repair. If anybody hoped he was simply grumpy from the lack of caffeine, they were miserably faced with reality that it wasn't a simple case of morning attitude.

Gunther was helping Erd wipe his pants with some tissues, though it seemed their attempt were useless and were making things worse, Aurou was putting a napkin to his bleeding tongue and Petra was miserably and slowly picking up the papers thrown on the floor. Levi decided to keep his attention on her.

''What the hell are you doing there? What are those papers?''

''Um, I… it's photo copier paper that I went to get to fill the machine with. The cartons they come in are too heavy for me so I got the most I could carry for the time being.''

Petra was talking quietly as continued gather the paper.

Levi tcked in annoyance once more.

''Why didn't you ask the idiotic duo to help you?'' Levi said as he motioned to Erd and Gunther, who froze in their task. They got used to the name and knew Levi was talking about them.

''I-I… They were busy.''

''Oi! You two! Stop with the petting and help her out. Bring the whole carton and set it on the table like it's supposed to be. And then somebody make me three copies of this and bring it me, asap!''

He set the file he was holding on the nearest table with a thump and then stormed off and the moment he was gone behind the slammed door everybody looked at Hanji, who sighed in answer.

''Get to it. I'll see how bad it is. And Erd? Stay behind the desk for today if anybody comes in. If you'll need anything, just tell Gunther to get it. So pretty much the usual I presume?''

Hanji couldn't help herself and smiled at the two men. They looked away in union.

But now was the time to tame the barking beast that went into his lair, Hanji thought as she walked towards Levi's office. For a moment she wondered if she should knock or not, and figured it was a pretty foul mood that Levi was in, so it was best to play it safe.

She knocked twice and received some mumble she figured was an answer.

''Levi, I know…''

Levi raised his hand in a gesture to make her quiet. He was holding a phone to his ear while looking at his laptop.

''I realize that it is not your company's fault for the delay but… You were the one to assure me the material would be here by the end of the week and from just what you told me you knew about the possible delay due to paperwork trouble for some time now. So please, be _nice_ enough to explain to me, exactly why didn't your company inform me about such situation?! – Levi's voice was rising more with each sentence. – I am up to my eye balls with this project; I am supposed to have it done by next week so you might see that the fact the material will be delivered to us in **two** **fucking** **weeks** is a little **bit** of a problem for me! I don't care how you do it, but for your own good and your sanity I advise you to get your shit together and I better get the material on Friday morning, 8 am sharp, because if not, it won't be only your company's budget that will suffer.''

SLAM!

''Was it just me, or was it you attempting to negotiate some problems with the com…''

''Shut it, Hanji. Last time I checked I am the main boss here, so do not make so personally retarted to the point of not being able to handle a simple business conversation. His fucking firm has a contract signed with us that they are to deliver the material this Friday and now he informed me they are delayed getting the fabric due to some mistake on their side. So don't even think I would be nice to morons like that. They knew about their problem for over a week now and nobody told us a single thing about it. I am not dumb enough to know that they were simply hoping to pull through and miss eventual fines for annulling the contract. Now they are hoping that a delaying it a _little_ will hurt them less _financially._ But they're dead wrong. Now I have to fucking pull some miracle, and…''

''Ok, I get it. Just tell me if you'll need my assistance. – Hanji knew when to pull away and judging by the fury in his eyes, the determination to concentrate on work, it was one of those time when she'd better mind her own business. – I just came in about that thing in the…''

Levi sighed and turned around in his chair, facing the window, his whole posture hidden behind the chair's back.

''I know. I lost it. Say sorry to Petra and others. And… I think today they can leave earlier, and hour or so.''

Hanji smiled, nodded and took her leave.

She passed Petra on her way out, who was carrying a stack of paper and looked a little fazed as she eyed Levi's chair. Hanji sent her a reassuring smile and nodded.

''Um, Levi? I brought you the papers…''

Levi turned around and extended his hand to the blonde.

Quickly she walked up and handed them over. She was already turning around when Levi spoke.

''Um, I'm sorry for that.'' Levi refused to look at her and kept his eyes on the papers.

Petra smiled and any fear of making Levi angrier disappeared. It wasn't about being scared of Levi; no one was actually in fear of their boss. They respected him and sometimes showed a healthy distance when he angered, he was their boss in the end. Petra simply knew this outburst was unusual so she knew something must've been off and didn't want to make Levi's mood even worse.

''What for? – She smiled even more and Levi looked up at her. She sent him another beamy grin his way and she could've sworn she saw a faint tuck of Levi's lips in reply. – Nothing happened, right?''

Levi nodded and shooed her away.

When she was gone, and he was alone once more he got up and lay on his couch. He needed a breather for a moment.

When he closed his eyes and put his arm over them to keep the light away, the scenes of the yesterday's evening replayed again.

He knew he was temperamental, he was easy to anger and annoy once on the brink. But this thing he was doing lately, even he knew he was going overboard.

He still could picture Eren's hurt and shocked expression the moment he let everything out even though he didn't actually see Eren when he yelled, he could be certain those feeling were there. That small twitch of fear Eren probably thought that Levi didn't see, fear of _him._ And the faint sorry that he heard before the kid left the room? That was the worst of it all.

It replayed in Levi's head over and over. It was as if Eren was the one that did something wrong. Levi was annoyed, angry and tired and Eren was talking too much but he had no right to vent it all out on Eren. He was just being a nice, cheerful jumble of energy as always. Something Levi already got used to and actually grew fond of, no matter how hard he would try to tell himself otherwise.

What also annoys the hell out of him is the shitty side of him. The one that is trying to convince him that he had nothing to worry and think about. That he did nothing wrong, that the brat was out of line and should stick to doing his job and not intrude on his time with Erwin. It was also the same side that was trying to push him into the false pretense, convince him that he was not feeling scared shitless about Friday's case.

The same that was mumbling some shit about Eren being nothing more than an acquaintance that he met by an accident, and just because of series of random events he ate a meal with, whom he invited to a dinner, whose party he went to, whose place he stayed over at, helped out with a hangover and watched get into a very embarrassing situation, who helped him get his car fixed. It was all just part of the chaos Eren put into his life and Levi simply got wind up into it before he even knew it.

The same side of his mind was also trying to shove him back, put his heart and feelings away in fear of getting hurt, in fear of hoping that there was still some smile left for him, that once more he could get back out there, just as Hanji said it. It was the side that helped him survive before he met Erwin. The moment he lost him again it resurfaced, like a self defense mechanism he did not know of. One he now did not know how to control. One that made him into a big prick towards the few people he actually cared _not_ to be a prick to.

Levi tried to fight it down, telling himself over and over again that _he_ was in the wrong and not Eren, that he could've handled the matter differently and just tell Eren he needed some time alone to himself. Levi knew Eren would understand and be gone from that room instantly, probably telling Levi to call him if he needed anything at all.

Because as little as he might know about Eren, he knew one thing.

He was kind.

He was always kind to him; from the moment they met he showed Levi kindness he had never seen before. Even when Levi was being his usual dick-self, when he was glaring and being mean, the shitty brat brushed it off like it was nothing. He smiled and beamed and was kind once more.

But this time, Levi knew he went too far.

And now he was feeling like the worst shit ever. And the outburst he had moments ago towards his employees did not help in the least.

As the day went on, it did not get any better.

Nile kept calling about the second project, the one they had to somehow magically pick up half way and do in unreasonable short time, while at the moment they couldn't do shit because they hadn't had some important data. The guy he called earlier called back, the things Levi said must have made the idiot's superiors nervous and he tried to negotiate some way out, offering some deal which didn't help him shit because the delivery still would be couple of days too late for the schedule Levi had planned out.

The day ended, about 5 to 8 Nile's call in between, with Hanji coming to him and saying something about their IT spec being sick and the problem they had with one of the programs still had to be put off for another day or two.

Levi threw the pen he was currently holding across the room while letting a growl of frustration. It flew past Hanji, though in the safe distance away from her head, and almost stuck in the wall across.

Hanji, little startled, looked once at the pen and then back at Levi who slumped down on his chair, his head in his hands.

If somebody would ask him later why he said it, he wouldn't be able to answer. All he knew was that words were out of his mouth before he even knew it.

''Erwin's parents are at it again. I got the notice last week. And…'' He trailed off. Eren's issue could be left for later.

''What?!'' Hanji yelled and Levi looked at her.

She saw everything on his face. It was one of those rare moments when Levi bared it all to her. The pain, the fear and the anger. All of it.

''Um, I… I'll tell the guys to go home. We can't do much anyway without the program. I'll be back, with coffee. And then you can explain why you didn't say anything a week ago.''

 

 

* * *

 

 

Eren was not nervous. He was just a little chilly. It was almost winter already no matter how you look at it. Middle of November wasn't exactly warm around here.

So Eren was not anxious, he was feeling a little cold. It didn't matter he had warm faded jeans on, tucked into his favorite boots, a long sleeved black dress shirt, a scarf messily wrapped around his neck and a warm jacket. It must be cold and not nerves about his first date in… He didn't even know how long it's been since he's actually been on a proper and actual date.

Eren started fidgeting with his fingernails as he started to chant some random medical information, leaning from one side to the other.

Nope he was not nervous at all.

And he did not jump with a faint squeal as somebody tapped him on his shoulder.

''Oh, my. I didn't think I would scare you like that. Eren, right? Armin told me somewhat what you looked like so...''

Eren turned around and had to actually look up to face the person who was now speaking to him. And Eren, being his usual idiotic self chose these words to greet the man who he predicted was to be his date for the evening.

''Damn, you're tall!''

The indeed tall man in front of him raised his eyes in surprise, and Eren noticed red appear on his cheeks as he shyly scratched behind his ear.

Eren slapped his head with his palm and let out a groan.

''God, I am sorry. I just… that slipped out. I hope you're not sensitive about your height and I just…''

The man chuckled and shook his head

''Nah. Don't worry. Though it's a first for me to be greeted this way right off the bat. We know each other's names, but for the sake…''

''Right. Let me start over. I'm Eren Jaeger.''

Eren extended his hand which was grabbed momentarily by one much larger and couple of skin tones darker. His hands were huge but his touch was gentle, Eren noted in his head. Just as the smile he sent his way as they shook hands.

''Hello. Nice to meet you. I'm Bertholdt Fuubar.''

''Nice to meet ya. So um…'' They let go and for a short moment silence fell upon them. So far Eren didn't make a very nice impression but figured he should be honest with his companion.

''Can I be honest with you Bertholdt?''

''Sure? What is it? Let me guess, my hands are big too?''

Eren chuckled shyly, as it was what he was thinking moments ago but what he wanted to say was different.

''Kinda. But it's not it. It's just…It's been ages for me, feels like millennia actually, that I've been on a proper date with somebody. And I kinda don't…well you know, I am rusty on the detail how it used to work.''

Bertholdt let out an open laugh and for a moment Eren felt he should be offended. But when the tall man before him looked at him, smiling shyly, his eyes shining with laughter as well, he felt at ease.

''I guess I know why Armin wanted to set us up then. It's been some time for me too so how about we help each other out with this?''

''Deal. Hopefully we'll both be able to enjoy this evening and maybe I'll manage not too make too much of a fool out myself anymore.''

''Oh, you didn't make a fool out of yourself. It was original.''

''Now, you're just mocking me.''

''Maybe a little.''

''Agh, so shall we go?''

''And where did you have in mind?''

''How about some drinks? I'll be _very_ original thinking of some movies?''

''Yes. _Very_. But let's go. It's still early so let's get going.''

Eren glanced at his watch. It was 5:15. It was still early and only time would tell what the evening would bring. But so far, so good, Eren thought as he fell into comfortable and light chit chat with Bert. The guy was of a big posture but gentle as a puppy, if his smiling eyes as he spoke were anything to go by.

Quite the opposite of some keen and piercing gray eyes Eren knew.

But this was not the time to think about that set of eyes. This was the evening and the means to forget those.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Eren looked at his cell phone as he checked the time. 2:18pm. He still had some time to get to work, good. He looked at the messages again and a smile appeared on his face despite the shitty situation he was in at the moment.

 _Bertholdt_  
2:37AM  
'Thanks for today. I really had a good time. If this is you being rusty on dating I wonder how it will progress with time ;)'

 _Bertholdt_  
2:40AM  
'Of course, if you want to meet again that is. I should've asked that before leaving right? I think I should've…'

Eren looked at his reply and once more thought if what he wrote was ok. He was going with the flow of fun he had that evening. Little alcohol he had helped him as well as he typed that answer and judging but Bert's answer it was ok but something still felt little off.

 _Reply_  
2:43AM  
'I could've asked as well so no pressure. Rly. We both r lost here a little so maybe its better – we wont feel lonely making fools out of ourselves:d I have a day off this Saturday if ur interested.'

 _Bertholdt_  
2:49AM  
'Sure! I have something to do in the morning, so I'll write later in the week what time I'll be off.'

After that Eren wrote simple ok and went to bed. He was asleep instantaneously. In the end it was quite an evening.

They visited the pub he frequented, then went to some club and danced a little. Eren felt only a little out of place with Bert being so big and his limbs practically wrapping around him when a slow dance hit. They weren't all too touchy but it _was_ a date, things were expected to happen to some degree. Eren was happy Bert looked awkward just as much as Eren felt. He wasn't lying when he said that he hadn't dated in a while, Eren could see it.

Then they caught some random late night movie, it was some horror of sort and despite all his effort, Eren couldn't stop his muffled fits of laughter when Bert didn't hide his fear and clung to his arm. Thankfully it wasn't too crowded and nobody threw them out when Eren couldn't stop his laughing after one of Bert's squeals as one of the characters had lost his head.

Later, Bert, after punching Eren in the gut, in a friendly manner but still hard enough to stop his laughing, explained to him he didn't know the movie was supposed to have zombies. It turned out Mr. Fuubar could handle anything BUT zombies.

Bertholdt got back at Eren at their next date spot – they went bowling. Eren thought it was cliché and would be boring as hell but he was surprised. Bert turned out to be amazingly good. With his long limbs it was easy for him to make a strike, one after another. Needless to say, Eren lost utterly. But it was still fun, Bert teaching him some 'moves' to better his play, laughing at Eren when it turned out he couldn't pick up the ball Bert was using as if it was made of feathers, laughing even more when Eren once missed it so badly his ball ended up in a lane next to theirs.

After that they went to get one last bear and some food to fill their stomachs. Eren was having quite a lot of fun to the point he didn't even notice how late it had gotten. Overall, Eren came to the conclusion Bert was a really nice, funny, a little shy guy but still knew how to have fun.

When the time to part ways, at the point where they met, Eren was nervous again. Especially as they looked at each other nervously, yet somehow expectant. Eren was the first one to break the silence of 'just before parting' and started laughing. Bertholdt seemed to have gotten the grasp of what Eren was laughing and joined him. So after one last shake of hands they parted. It was obvious to both of them the 'kiss' was in the air but just not quite there yet.

The overall conclusion in Eren's mind – he had fun and had taken his mind off things he wanted to. Was Bertholdt boyfriend-material or at this point anything-material he had yet to find out. He didn't even know if Bertholdt did ''boyfriends'' or if it was…

AGH! Stop it Jaeger! Just meet the guy again and it will show if this thing has any kind of potential for… 'whatever'.

Right. Stopping the thinking and continuing with the walking, Eren spoke to himself as he took couple of last steps, opened the door and stepped inside the restaurant.

He better concentrate on what he was here for, and he was here to do some apologizing and groveling.

Apologize and grovel, Eren, apologize and grovel. Or was it grovel and apologize? Best to go with both options respectively.

Eren walked up to the front desk, and a man on the other side greeted him with a smile.

''Good afternoon. Table for one?''

''Oh, no thank you. Actually I was wondering if the owner was present. I kind of need to talk to him.''

''Mr. Zacharius?''

''Yes.''

''And what might be the reason? Do you have an appointment with Mr. Mike?''

''Um, no. I actually don't – Eren looked away, ashamed and pink with embarrassment. – I just… it's a little hard to explain. I am Levi's f-friend – that one went a little hard down his throat – and I wanted to… ''

''Oh, you know Mike through Levi? – The man cheered up instantly, not that he was unkind before, but he relaxed now and the professional tone was gone from his voice. – Mike is in the office, do you want me to call him or…?''

''Um, I don't want to pull him away from his work if…''

''Good. I'll get someone to take you there shortly Mr…?''

''Oh, Eren is enough. Thank you.''

Soon, he found himself alone in front of the door, the girl that 'escorted' him skipped away already, that held the sign 'office' at the top. Taking one last breath, Eren knocked.

He didn't hear a reply so he dared to knock one more time. This one earned him a muffled response of what Eren assumed was invitation and so, he opened the door. Seconds later he learned he couldn't be further from the truth. He was anything but welcomed judging by what he saw before him.

Of course, Eren was the embodiment of stupidity because he froze and stood there, looking at Mike with some woman's legs wrapped around his waist as he pinned her to his desk as both made noises that wouldn't fool anyone. Mike was a big guy, there was no doubt about it, but the woman that he was currently smooching and groping must've been tiny compared to him, because Eren could barely register her arms around Mike's wide back.

So Eren stood there, for what felt an eternity, (it was not more than 10 seconds in reality), when Mike leaned in even more, setting his large hands on the surface of the desk, pushing some papers aside, which landed on the floor, and the woman leaned to the side as she seemed to be giving him better access to her neck. She let out a quiet moan of satisfaction to which Eren actually squeaked in his most high pitched squeak he was capable of. This caught her attention and she opened her eyes.

Of course, seconds later her eyes were blown wide open and the moment she caught his gaze was the same one Eren snapped out of the initial shock.

He looked away instantly, and heard the woman speak, in a bit of a loud tone.

''Mike! Somebody came in!''

''Huh?''

''Get off me, you moron!''

''Oh.''

Mike, unfazed but a little annoyed let his partner go and turned around.

"Eren? What are you doing here?''

Eren was still blushing like mad, he could feel the heat on his cheeks, and chose to keep looking away as he spoke.

''Oh, my. I-I am so sorry. For…for barging in like this. But I thought I heard I could come in but I guess…I am sorry. I better go…''

Of course Mike broke into a fit of laughter and before he knew it, Eren was slapped on his back, in what was supposed to be a reassuring manner, but made Eren feel like he sunk couple of inches into the ground.

''Chill. Nothing big happened. It's ok. I think we did get a little… _heated.''_

Eren braved enough, and straightened his sunken knees and looked up.

He saw Mike, his cheeks a little pink from the earlier 'exercises' with this stupid smirk Eren didn't know whether was from satisfaction of seeing Eren flustered or maybe from previous activities, and he concluded, he'd rather have it stay in the blissful unknown.

''Oh, I wouldn't say nothing _big_ happened sweetie.''

Eren looked at the petite, short haired blond woman who spoke to Mike and ended her sentence with a wink. Her eyes also wondered somewhere, and Eren, once more being the utter jerk, followed her gaze.

The bulge in Mike's loose work pants was obvious and Eren's eyes widened to the point of pain as his slow brain gathered what he was seeing, no, what he was actually deliberately looking at. His head snapped away from the sight in such speed the cracks of his neck could be heard loud and clear.

One savior factor was that even Mike flustered a little at this witty remark and put his hands in front of himself, shielding his arousal.

''Nan, come on!''

The woman chuckled and took a step closer to Mike to gently pat his arm. Maybe it would've been reassuring if not for the fact that the evil smirk on her face remained.

''Anyway, to whom do we owe the interruption, Hun?''

''Oh, this is Eren – Eren reluctantly looked back at them, keeping his eye sight on upper levels – He's Levi's friend.''

''Oh, Levi's? He actually has other friends that we don't know?''

''Don't be mean. But this one _is_ kinda of recent.''

''Wait, if he's Levi's friend then that means he's also…?''

Mike nodded and the woman took a step to shield Mike.

''Oh, and here I go presenting you in all your glory!''

''What?'' Eren asked confused, looking from one to the other and then something clicked when he caught on what they were talking about.

''Oh, no! Mike's not even my type!''

Of course this is the thing that spouts out of Eren's mouth.

The blonde and Mike look at him for a moment and seconds later they're both laughing.

At this point Eren was tired of all the chaos and the awkward situation as he ran his hand through his hair, letting out as sigh of exhaustion while waiting for the two to stop the chuckling.

''Oh, my. You're something alright. Anyway. You'll tell me what you're here for in a second. Let me introduce you. Nanaba, this is Eren, Levi's friend. Eren, this lovely lady here is Nanaba, my wife.''

Eren extended his hand and took a small, delicate one into it. He didn't even try to hide his shock at hearing the statement this blonde, tiny and petite, quite pretty too in a delicate way, was Mrs. Zacharius. Maybe not tiny in a general comparison, but standing next to Mike, she seemed to be.

''Hello, Eren. I am sorry you had to see us in this kind of situation.''

''Oh, no. I am sorry for…interrupting. I just thought I heard ''come in'' but I guess it was…''

Eren's cheeks felt a little warm once more. Nanaba send him a kind smile while Mike chuckled once more at the meaning of the situation.

''No prob. Well I gotta go anyway, so I'll leave you two alone. Bye Eren. Mike, I'll see you at home. Be late again and I swear I'll…''

She gestured at him with her finger in a disapproving manner but all it earned her was a smug smile from Mike. She went up on her toes, which didn't help all that much, but Mike leaned down and after one last peck, Eren looked away kindly, she was gone.

''So, what's up?''

So Mike really didn't know. It was even worse then. So much time passed he'd actually forgotten.

''The cake.''

''Huh?''

''The cake for my friend. Levi said I could pay anytime and I meant to do it right after but then… I kinda forgot all about it, and I am really, really sorry. I know it's no excuse but I kinda had a lot of goi…''

''Alright, alright. Slow down there. You're talking too fast. But I got some grasp. It's about that cake, right? Well, did your friend like it?''

''Huh? – Eren was also getting lost here. – Yes, he did. After he got a little drunk, he actually he kept babbling how perfectly moist, and sweet, and perfect, and good it was… I swear I still sometimes hear all that rant in my head.''

''Haha. That's good. I am really glad he enjoyed it! I would say no need to pay – Eren went and opened his mouth to speak but Mike continued – But from what I recall, Levi said that won't pass. So just wait a second – Mike went around the desk and opened some drawer – I think I have a paper for it with estimated price of it. And when I say estimated – Mike looked at Eren with a very keen look in his eyes. – Yes, it does contain friend discount but you _will_ accept at least _that._ ''

Eren sighed but nodded with a smile.

 

 

''Thanks again and sorry…''

''Oh, stop it. I am not that poor to hold a grudge over something like this.'' Mike said, leaning against the wall of the restaurant outside.

''How is Levi actually? After your party I haven't heard from him.''

Eren looked away and kept telling himself the chill he felt run down his spine was from the cold and not at mere mention of Levi's name.

''Um, I actually haven't talked to him either.''

''What? But don't you work at the hospital, and from what I know Levi's there daily.''

''Been. Past tense. Lately he's decided to hold back on those visits.''

''Hmm, so Hanji finally had that talk with him…''

''Excuse me?'' Eren looked at Mike confused.

''Nothing. But he still comes over right? So…''

''Um, I am really sorry, Mike. But I have to go or I am gonna be late for work. Thanks again and see ya, I guess?''

''Sure.'' Was all Mike was able to say before the kid ran across the street and was walking quickly towards the destination of the hospital.

''Hmmm. What did you do this time Levi?'' Mike whispered to himself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_I am not going to yell at anyone today, I am not…_

Levi's rant in his head has been going on for about last ten minutes. He's been fidgety and restless for half a day today and he couldn't help it. He even cut back on his afternoon coffee, feeling it was the last thing he needed.

He couldn't even pinpoint what it that was making him anxious and more prone to getting angry. As far as he could see, he should feel some relief. He went to the case last Friday, managed not to kill anyone while there and the case was postponed because of some technicalities. It wasn't the end but still he had some time, actually another month, before worrying once more about that problem.

They somehow solved the dilemma with the delayed material, were on a good track with Nile's second, last minute project that was thrown at them, the main one was going on well too, had another project under negotiations, all in all things somehow turned around. Even the fact that Nile became a bit more forward in his actions didn't bother him all that much. He just shooed it and the person in question away as if it was nothing more than an annoying fly.

Yet, Levi was in his office on Monday afternoon, fidgeting, grinding his teeth at all various and trivial reason after he chose it was best to keep to himself as much as possible today and he had no idea why.

Ok, so maybe he had _some_ idea but it was too stupid of an idea so he kept disregarding it. Again and again he pushed the thought aside. It couldn't be, he refused it to be and that was it.

''Oi, loner. I got some papers for you to sign.''

Hanji burst into the office, knocking forgotten once more, and placed a stack of papers in front of him. He gritted his teeth and chose to keep quiet. He wasn't angry, just agitated every time somebody spoke to him for too long today, every time even a tiny thing was out of order, when he had to speak and answer somebody back. Ok. So maybe he was being annoyed over the top.

He signed the papers in silence and handed them back to Hanji. He was already hoping she would walk out and leave him to do his part of the work in the quiet of his office. And he actually saw her taking one step back but then her mouth opened and all his hope shattered.

''Ok, I thought I would be able to hold back, but sue me and I cannot.''

'' 'Sue me' isn't too good of a choice of words at the moment.''

''Agh, right. But you said that it fell through because of some shitty law details.''

''Yeah, but it doesn't exactly mean it's over. It's postponed only.''

''Right, but that's a problem for later. But it's not what I wanted to talk about.''

''I figured.'' Levi grumbled and kept his gaze at the thing he was currently working on.

''What is it, Levi? What is annoying you that you hid away in the office?''

''I am not annoyed.''

''Right, and it was only my imagination that one of the veins on your forehead was about to burst from holding it when Aurou misplaced one of the pencil holders. After which you hid in your office, because I assume, you felt your own shitty mood and decided you didn't want another outburst on them.''

''I am just having a worse day. Nothing happened. Really.''

Levi looked her in the eyes this time and put emphasis on each word, trying his hardest to convince her.

''Alright. I was just making sure. But hey, I have an idea!''

Levi felt the agitation of the need to speak to someone too long rise again. He went back to his work.

''No need. It will pass.''

''Go meet your nurse. It's been so hectic I assume you didn't see Eren for some time. You said he's a bottle of energy, I bet he'll help you cheer up. So you can go and…''

''I CANNOT!'' Levi rose from his seat and yelled. He saw Hanji flinch. Puffing and huffing he walked around the desk and to the shelf with document folders. Anything to distract himself as well as a mean to calm down, walk off his sudden burst.

''W-what do you mean? Why not? It's not like we are that busy that…''

Levi pretended to look at the folders as spoke. Once the words were out there, spoken, his arms felt heavy with fatigue as well from the weight of the meaning what he said.

''I… we had a fight. I think… no. It's not right. I did something and…''

''What did you do, Levi?'' Hanji almost whispered.

''I…''

And then he told her everything, he spoke quickly, keeping his back to her. Only after he was done, he turned around and he hadn't the slightest idea in the world why she was sending him a small smile.

''Levi, Levi, Levi. You are so awkward. Just go there and say sorry. You know how to do that right?''

''No need to be all sarcastic Four-Eyes.''

''Right, right. But you are a dick, you know? To wait so long to apologize? It's really shitty of you, especially as you were the one in the wrong. I don't know how you see your relationship with Eren but no matter what stage it might be on, it was still a shitty thing to do to the poor kid who was trying to be…''

''Oi, shut it. I know all of it. And I don't have a _relationship_ with Eren. He's just…''

He trailed off, not knowing himself what he actually had with Eren. He was a loner to the point he was never in a situation of this kind. Usually people were the ones to approach him, even when he hadn't the slightest idea as to why. He couldn't recall a situation where he was the one in need to go and fix things. Never cared to do so either. So what was about this situation different than all the others?

He was snapped back from his thoughts when Hanji spoke again.

''No matter. Your choice, but you know my opinion.''

After that, Hanji left. There were no more words, no more pushing the topic, no more teasing. It actually surprised Levi that Hanji wasn't pushing him like always. But whatever the reason behind her actions was, if there was any, Levi didn't care and went back to work.

 

 

But, if he didn't care and found her butting in annoying once more, then why again was he in front of the hospital, about to walk in, and in the state of actually stepping in for about last 5 minutes.

He was here to see Erwin. Yes. He needed to relax, rid himself of the fidgety feeling he had had for the whole day. And if he happened to see Eren, so be it. He will apologize. He might be a douche and an ass but he wasn't beyond saying sorry when he was in the wrong. And he knew he was this time. He hated it but acknowledged that he hadn't had any right whatsoever to treat Eren like that those long two weeks ago.

Two weeks? It was only that little? It felt like much longer to Levi actually, now that he pondered about it. Somehow lately days seemed to have dragged, work was annoying and not enjoyable at all. Nile seemed to be more nagging lately, like a bug he couldn't shake off. The constant violation of his personal space, and he had quite a large one, made him feel like needed to add extra ten minutes of scrubbing during the evening shower. The lingering feeling of not so innocent touches on the arms or legs left him sick.

After another long moment, Levi finally managed to push himself into walking inside. He was barely couple of feet inside when he saw a familiar back at the front desk. It shocked him when he knew right away, after only catching a glimpse of it, it was Eren who was standing there, leaning on the counter while speaking to another, slightly taller, man in front of him. He took few more steps and his ears caught, despite the minor ruckus going on, the sound of Eren's laughter.

He stopped right there. It caught him off guard. He heard the happiness in that laugher and suddenly he felt nervous, reasons unknown to him. He wasn't even sure if what he was feeling was nervousness. It's been so long since he felt that he couldn't be certain.

And at that instant Levi decided against speaking with Eren. He didn't want to ruin the mood for the younger man. He would walk past and hopefully Eren wouldn't see him.

But then again, maybe he was exaggerating in his assumption to think Eren was upset. Maybe to the green eyed bottle of energy it was nothing but a small argument and he had long forgotten about it. Dismissed it and dismissed Levi as nothing more than failed attempt at a new acquaintance.

Whatever then truth, Levi decided to run.

Ok, maybe not run. Postpone it for later. At least that's what Levi was telling himself, about to take a step forward.

But he was thinking too long, as it turned out seconds later, when Eren was the first one to turn around. Whatever conversation he had with the other man was over and now he was staring right at Levi.

Levi froze in place, in shock, in surprise, in fear? He didn't know. Just like he didn't know what to do next. Especially when his gaze also connected with Eren and he saw it.

The sudden sadness in those emerald orbs. Just seconds ago they were shining, Levi barely got a sigh of that, but now were hazy and sad.

It seemed Eren was startled to see Levi, and for a moment just stood there. They both just stood and looked at each other, no words, and no gestures between the 10 or so feet that separated them.

Eren was the first one to break whatever was between them and walked up to Levi. He smiled but Levi saw the usual spark wasn't there. It was a sad smile. Levi hated and despised it somewhere deep inside.

''Hi.''

''Hey.'' Levi answered back.

''Been some time, huh?''

Levi hadn't the slightest idea why this situation was making him so damn awkward. As if he was back being a teenager. That's how jumbled he felt inside.

''Yeah. Been busy. I see you're leaving already?''

''Yes. Had a different shift today. I was at Erwin's once. All ok if that's what…''

Eren trailed off and Levi only nodded in response. Erwin, right. He was here to see Erwin. Why all of a sudden he forgot about that fact?

Levi was scared that the silence would continue, all uncomfortable and heavy but suddenly Eren was mumbling and ranting. The moment Levi heard the familiar chit chatter, it seemed something was lifted off of him and any agitation he bore during the day, was gone.

''Oh my, Levi. I am really sorry about the…t-the other day. I hadn't noticed that you were tired and went on mumbling like I always do, like I am right now. I…I tend to do that. I loose it and then annoy the hell out of people. So please, tell me if you don't want me to… No. It's not right. I promise I won't ever interfere with your visits again so please…''

''Stop it!'' Levi said, maybe only a tiny bit too loud and some passersby looked their way. Eren jumped in surprise.

''I mean. I am the one that should be saying sorry. I was in the wrong. I never should've taken out my frustration on you like that. And I should've apologized sooner but…''

He didn't finish and silence fell upon them again. They looked at each other, and in union, both sides sighed. Eren chuckled and Levi somewhat smiled.

''So we're good?'' Levi asked.

''Yeah. We're ok. But you had nothing to apo…''

''Shut it. I did and we know it. So, let me take you for a beer or something, an amend for being a dick.''

''I can't.''

''Huh?'' Levi looked confused.

''Um, I mean, it's not that I don't want to or something. I just cannot. I am actually supposed to meet somebody. I kinda think they might be…''

''Eren!''

''Oh, my, Bertholdt. Sorry. I was about to walk out but…'' Eren looked at Levi, who turned around to the source of the voice. And he was _not_ suddenly agitated how much up he had to look to see the man's face who stood on his left.

''Oh, don't worry about it. Um, hello?'' Bertholdt sent Levi his kind, shy smile to which Levi only nodded.

''Oh, right. Bertholdt this is my f-friend Levi.''

''Hello, nice to meet you. I am Bertholdt. – Bertholdt looked at Eren. – Sorry Eren, I would never interrupt the conversation but our reservation…''

''Oh, right! I am sorry, Levi. But I kinda have to…''

''Stop. No need. Another time then?'' Levi asked, feeling hopeful no matter how hard he tried to deny that stupid feeling in his gut.

Eren looked at Levi for what seemed a very long moment, studying his face, maybe thinking, maybe going through his plans in his head, but it seemed almost like forever before Eren broke the gaze they held to nod and mumble a simple 'sure'.

Levi still stood on his spot after Eren was gone; his eyes following the brunet, his mind empty as he watched him interact with this Bertholdt person. And then Eren looked to the side, at Bertholdt as they approached the exit, smiled to something the taller man said, who also gave a small smile back and then Bertholdt hand went gently around Eren's lower back. It almost seemed in slow motion for Levi as he placed his hand on Eren's hip.

It was a simple gesture, its flow natural. A simple motion of letting Eren go through the door first, nothing out of ordinary. But his hand stayed there after the automatic door closed. Levi saw it through the glass that Bertholdt's hand didn't leave Eren's hip.

And the realization was quick and easy. It was obvious and simple.

But the jumble of confusion and _something_ in Levi's throat was anything but.

The moment Eren's back went around the corner, Levi felt as if something small and delicate passed right through his fingers. And he stood there for a long moment after the two men disappeared from his sight, lost in the feelings he failed to understand.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The tangle of limbs, the jumble of gestures and the haziness of touches. It was chaos of need and desperation, of contact and embrace, gentleness combined with forcefulness. It was happening all at once, caresses slow, followed by the speed of gripping and pulling. It was out of order, incomprehensible how all of this was happening at once.

Why it was happening at all?

How was this happening?

What was about to happen next?

Eren's mind was in a daze as his arms and legs had a life of their own. Groping, pushing, pulling, caressing. Anything and everything to get better contact with the other body. The heat inside him was making him earnest, eager to get the most out of it all. It's been so long since he felt another being so close, warm and soft against his own.

He couldn't think.

He refused to think and simply _did_ as he straddled Bertholdt's large body on his own couch. His knees on each side of the taller man's thighs, his hands wrapped tightly around Bert's neck, pulling his own body closer to the other.

Eren's legs were straightened, giving him a slight height advantage over Bertholdt at the moment as he sat on Eren's couch, his back pushed into it under Eren's body pressure. His hands firmly gripping Eren's back, palms cupping the tense shoulder blades, pulling him even closer, sealing their lips in a tight embrace.

The lips refused to part, the tongues danced and fought, tangling together, stopping only momentarily for the brief needed gasps of air.

Eren pulled back for a moment, taking a deep breath of air and looked down at Bertholdt. His cheeks were pink, his breath heavy just like Eren's. Bert smiled at him as he licked his lips to get rid off any excess saliva remaining. Eren returned that cheeky smirk with his own as he leaned down once more to take his own long, sensual lick of those full lips.

Bertholdt's eyes widened for a moment but he refused to remain passive for long.

Seconds later Eren felt his own lips being licked, Bertholdt's tongue grazing his while it still stuck out and then their lips were pushed together forcefully once more. Another battle for dominance as Bertholdt slowly, but surely slid down his hands down Eren's back.

He was (still) wearing his t-shirt but felt Bertholdt's fingernails graze his skin, felt their pressure and exactly right force going down his spine. Next thing he knew, Bertholdt was groping his ass, pulling him up and even closer, if that was even possible.

Eren didn't remain submissive for long.

Never breaking the kiss, he tangled one of his hands in Bertholdt's hair while the other slid from around his neck, to his exposed collarbone, grazing it with his nails as a payback and then down to Bert's chest. Eren stopped there and teasingly grabbed his nipple through the material of his dress shirt.

Eren felt the satisfaction hearing Bertholdt intake a breath at the sudden caress.

When Bertholdt leaned back, laying his head on the back of the couch and looked at Eren once again, Eren sent him the cheekiest grin he could muster.

Bertholdt didn't answer in any gesture but seconds later, Eren felt his ass being squeezed and caressed which spoke in volume Bertholdt was anything but shy at the moment. Eren jumped up a little at the sudden feeling of his fingers directly on his skin, right above his tailbone. In effect Eren found himself even closer to Bert, his clothed chest pushed into his face as their groins ground together. Bertholdt let out a quiet moan at the sudden friction, while Eren bit his lip to hold in his own.

His chest still millimeters away from Bertholdt's face, easily within his partner's reach, earned some attention as well when Eren felt Bert's tongue glide over his exposed collarbone. Eren stretched his neck upwards in pleasure, giving Bert better access to his needy skin and then felt Bertholdt grind their arousals together once more. It seemed Eren's earlier, though accidental, gesture gave Bert the confidence.

He moved his hips in simple and slow motions as his teeth grazed Eren's collarbone. It was delicate brush of his whites but something flashed in Eren's mind behind his closed lids. He felt those teeth again on his skin and a thought passed in his head. He barely caught a sense of it; it was a short and instant. A simple thing, one single word that didn't mean anything to him, especially when his head was hazy with the heat of the moment he was sharing with the man beneath him.

Collarbones.

Eren shook his head and pushed this silly, barely coherent thought away.

He went back to the task at hand which was Bertholdt's hand hesitantly gliding its way underneath his shirt, moving upwards from his hip to the side on his chest, then it went to his pectoral where his callused, long fongers grazed his perked up nipple.

Everything felt amazingly good, after such a long time Eren almost forgot how it felt being caressed and cared by another human being. The pleasure of the slow, delicate petting Bert was giving him felt soothing and warming. But then Bert's mouth reached up to leave traces of kisses on Eren's neck and once more something clouded Eren's mind.

Again he pushed it away and decided that he remained passive for long enough, letting Bert be the only one to give.

Eren was anything but passive during sex. He wanted to give back so he pulled away and looked down at Berth. His lips were glittering and smiling, his eyes hazy with the heat of the moment.

Eren was about to lean down, kiss those full lips once more, maybe dominate thoroughly this time, and show Bert he had few tricks up his sleeve when he felt Bertholdt's right hand that was underneath his shirt, glide to his stomach and stop there. Eren panicked for a second, knowing what Bert would be able to feel on his skin. But another kind of panic suddenly hit him and it had nothing to do with Berth seeing his scarred body.

It had to do with the eyes hat flashed in Eren's mind and they weren't those big, green orbs that were now staring at Eren in confusion, at his sudden flinch to the touch.

''Um, I… Did I go too far?''

Bertholdt asked as he retrieved his hand from underneath.

Eren blinked couple of times and decided to continue. It was stupid. His mind was playing tricks on him, maybe the little bit of booze they had playing a small part in it.

This was the pleasure of the body that he suddenly realized he was craving. Bertholdt was a nice guy and if anything, he knew what he was doing. Eren could do it. He could go through with it. It simply been some time for him and he was feeling nervous. His imperfect body was not helping it either.

''No, it's not that. It's just… – Eren looked away. He felt Bertholdt neutrally place his hands on his hips, no gripping, not holding, they just stayed there. – It's just that… My body is…not normal.''

''So? What, you have a third nipple or something? Hey, it might be a good thing actually.''

Bertholdt winked at Eren and he couldn't help but smile.

''Haha. No. Not like that. I was in an accident over two years ago and have some…scars.''

''That's it?'' Eren sighed in response. Of course Bert was too nice to care about something silly like that. Because it was that made Eren jump back and away from all those touches, right?

Eren nodded and leaned back in. Moments later they were back with all the groping and teasing. Bertholdt's hand once more underneath Eren's shirt, Eren's mouth this time on Bertholdt's neck.

The taller man's hand was again slowly gliding on Eren's stomach, inching towards his zipper with obvious intentions.

But then something snapped in Eren's head again and this time he couldn't disregard it.

It was a face.

A face he studied too many times, in too many details, a face he didn't want to think about.

But his heart felt heavy, pressure of what he was doing hitting him in an instant and right there and then he knew he couldn't do it. He had no idea why that realization hit him so suddenly and out of nowhere, why simple body parts like collarbone or eyes brought everything to the surface when he was starting to think he was pushing it all away. He thought last two weeks, the multiple dates and chatting with Bertholdt was allowing him to get over it.

But there he was, in another's man's embrace, with Levi's face so vivid and detailed in his head it was as if the man in question was right there. And in that moment, Eren cruelly realized he was painfully past a simple crush for the gray eyed man.

His collarbones, his lips, his whole face and posture imbedded in Eren's mind.

He knew he was hurting Bertholdt but he pulled away once more. This time he looked away in shame. Guilt of how he's been using Bertholdt for these past weeks hit him.

Bertholdt looked concerned but confused at the same time. Eren knew he deserved an explanation.

''I'm… I'm sorry. I can't.''

Eren was off of him momentarily, feeling such intimacy with Bert was wrong. Not in a sense what they were just doing was wrong, but the fact that Bert was expecting something out of this, and it was something Eren suddenly knew he couldn't give him. He refused to let himself be blinded by his own desperation any longer and use Bertholdt like that.

''I knew it. I was too quick and eager, wasn't I? I am sorry Eren I …''

''No! – Eren yelled before he even knew what he was doing. He sat on the other end of the couch, keeping a safe distance from Bert but not that far away to hurt and offend him even more than he already did. – I am sorry. It's not that. You did nothing wrong Bert. – Eren used all his willpower to look back at him. – I am the one to be sorry. I shouldn't have… I mean this thing… I thought…''

Eren fell silent, unsure what exactly he wanted to say. How to explain all the jumble of feelings he was feeling at the moment, all of the avalanche of thoughts that roamed in his head. How could he explain when he himself was so lost yet at the same time everything was so clear. So obvious but no words seemed to grasp all of it in a way to make any sense to other person other than Eren.

But after a sigh from Bert, a warm but somewhat sad smile, Eren was saved the need to explain.

''It's about that other man isn't it? This Levi guy, right?''

Eren looked like a fish trying to catch it's breath for the next couple of minutes, opening and closing his mouth, no idea how to respond. How could Bertholdt be so dead right with this? The dark skinned man took pity on Eren once more and continued to speak.

''I take that as a yes. I was supposed to help you get over him? You broke up?''

''What?! – Eren was snapped back into reality. – No! He…he has someone. And you weren't a mean for _anything_. It's just I thought I could…but I guess I was wrong. I mean, you are a great guy Bertholdt, I really had so much fun on our dates, could relax on them. All of that was not a lie, none of it was. I swear I…''

''Calm down Eren. I know. I think I felt it on some level. Really, you don't need to say sorry. I know you didn't mean any harm.''

Eren looked away, ashamed and angry. At himself.

And scared. If Bertholdt could see whatever that he saw that led him to the conclusion that there was something between him and Levi, then what about Levi? Was he able to read it as well? Could he feel Eren's hidden intentions and feelings? Feelings that were becoming deeper and stronger than Eren could've ever predicted.

They were getting out of hand and he was loosing his hold on them.

He felt jumbled inside, panicking as he was being back a teenager, with hormones raging, not understanding shit what was going on inside him. Back to the time when he was still trying to find himself and accept the possibility of being a homosexual while at the same time opening his eyes to the fact that he was most likely in love with his best friend.

But it was only _almost_ like that time years ago. This thing he was feeling right now was even worse. It was as if it was hiding, lurking somewhere and now it hit him with all its power. He felt scared with its intensity.

He accepted the possibility that he was crushing on Levi right from the start. Who could blame him, Levi was handsome and somewhat mysterious. Something about him made Eren feel this pull, the need to be around the older man. The mean demeanor and harsh outline of his personality didn't matter. Eren looked beyond that and felt the need and the desire to get to know Levi despite the first, somewhat negative glances.

But this here? This feeling so strong and overwhelming was too much to take all at once. Why couldn't he realize this _thing_ gradually instead of it hitting out of nowhere? Maybe then he would be able to deal with calmly. But now he felt panic inside.

Yet he knew the reason why he was surprised with the realization.

He had been trying, like the fool that he was, to disregard what it was that he saw in Levi as nothing more than crush, something easily to get over.

How wrong he was.

It was much more and he had no idea how to handle it. Especially when he knew how hopeless his situation was in all of this. Out of all the possibilities he could've gotten himself into, falling for someone taken, hell, even falling for a straight man could've been better.

This thing he let his heart get messed up in – it was worse, with no light of hope. It had only heartache and disappointment waiting to hit him.

Just like the realization that he was madly in love with Levi hit.

He knew that the recognition, final and definite, that he had no chance to have his feelings returned, was also in store for him somewhere at the end of the road. A ride that was to be bumpy, twisted and hard. And only that. Eren's mind, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't see any other outcome for himself but to crash and burn, pay with his heart for falling for an unattainable man.

Eren got himself back to the present, back to his livingroom, with Bertholdt on his side, who was now holding his hand. Eren was so lost in his head he hadn't the tiniest clue when he moved closer to him, less when he took his hand into both of his large ones.

''You don't have to say sorry anymore. I actually appreciate it you were honest before we went any further. I won't lie Eren, I like you. But probably just as you like me – a new friend and a buddy you have fun with. But while your heart belongs to another man and you cannot give me more, I might give a chance to a possibility of something more for us. But I am not sure myself. So, look at me please? – Eren did, his hands not shaking anymore, he barely registered that they were indeed shaking before, and was surprised when Bertholdt gave him the softest peck on the lips ever. – This is the last one, ok? I'd hate to loose a new friend like you. I really got to like you, so when you'll get whatever you have inside that head of yours in order, or even when you don't, call me. We can go bowling again and I can kick your ass again, maybe it will make me feel better after being rejected.''

Eren knew he was kidding the moment he sent a wink. He let Eren's hands go and stood up.

''You know, you could stay. Sleep on my bed, the couch is extremely comfy too because Armin and Mikasa tend to stay over on occasions.''

''Nah. But thanks. So no hard feeling, right? It just didn't work.''

''Right. And Bert – Eren followed him; he was already at the door, putting on his shoes – You're like the only person I know that can make bowling seem exciting.''

Bertholdt laughed and nodded.

''We should go with the others some time.''

''We should.''

He was gone and Eren was locking the door. He felt the nudge on his thigh; Titan stayed in his bedroom like a good dog he was while he had company. Eren kneeled down and hugged his best friend. Suddenly he was hit with the biggest need of warmth of another being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One - I know _shit_ about bowling, I played ONCE so the little details I gave there, if they're bull, please forgive ^^  
>  Two - Hmmm I don't think I have a two, so hope you liked it and feel free to leave any kind of feedback :D  
> [My Tumblr](http://darkshadekristen.tumblr.com/)  
> Once again, any info bewteen the posts of chapters you can find [Here](http://darkshadekristen.tumblr.com/tagged/fic%3A-Frozen-Still)


	14. Hope(less)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some gained, some lost, which hurts more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only note here? - Sorry fo keeping you waiting soooo long! I hope from the bottom of my smutty heart such a big break won't happen again. And I also wanted to thank all those who sent me messages on [tumblr](http://darkshadekristen.tumblr.com/) with love and encouragement, whenever I saw that red note next to the envelope and then read it, it made my day so much better! Thank you again and I hope you enjoy the new chapter. I dunno if it was worth aaaaaall that wait, maybe you will comment and tell me later? ;-P  
>  _*whisper*Little un-beta'd, sorry._

''I'm screwed, aren't I?''

''Yep.''

''I fucked up.''

''Yeah.''

''I am a lost cause, right?''

''Pretty much, yes.''

''You're not helping, you know that?''

''Yes, I do.''

Eren gave Armin a stare that was far from entertained. Armin, giving the least fuck as possible, unmoved in the slightest by the glare, gave Eren his widest grin as a response.

Eren sighed and sat up, taking his head off Armin's lap, where it laid just seconds ago, where he was being petted by his best friend for the last half an hour, as he relayed everything that had happened to him in last couple of weeks.

Even after letting it all out, saying it out loud to another human being it didn't sound any better than it did in his head.

''So let me get this straight.'' Armin said, both young men sitting on the bed, their legs crossed and facing each other now.

''Really? You want to say it _again_? Ugh. Ok.''

''So, you had this over 6 foot chunk of hotness, niceness _and_ pure politeness within your grasp in a form of Bertholdt Fuubar just about an hour ago, hell you were already getting it on and all but you still decided you couldn't go through with it because, and I quote: ''kept seeing Levi in your head whenever you closed your eyes.'' So you figured it was a natural thing to come to a conclusion it was no use with this thing with Bertholdt and you realized that you're madly in love with this 5'3 amount of sexy grumpiness who as we both know is taken and in a way that is beyond hope. Did I miss anything?''

''Nope. You got it aaaaaaaall.''

Eren whined as he slummed to the side, curling his legs up and taking up an embryo position.

''You got it bad.''

''Rub it in Armin, rub it in. You're just the worst best friend a guy can ask for.''

''I will take that as a compliment. If you would be saying nice things about me that would mean I was doing my ''best friend'' job wrong. But on more serious note.''

''And my shitty life isn't serious to you? Thaaaanks.''

Another whine, pillow grabbed and Eren was hiding his face into it, probably mumbling how his life sucked or so Armin presumed as he couldn't make out any sense of the peculiar sound Eren was making at the moment.

''It is, it is.'' Armin replied, petting Eren's head.

''Did you maybe consider trying this thing with Bert for a little longer? Who knows, maybe it will overpower the feelings you have for Levi.''

Armin kept on gliding his hand through the messy brown locks, hoping it would make Eren feel somewhat better.

''….won siiink soo.''

''Huh?''

Eren emerged from his hide-out.

''I don't think so. I know life isn't fairy tale and all and you don't fall in love at first sight and all that bullshit but with Levi… I got curious at the moment that I saw him. Then I got to know him and well you know the rest. I know Bert is a nice guy, the dates we had were really fun and he's one of the best guys I ever dated but I just…. feel… _know_ there isn't this **something** with me and him and I doubt there ever will. I thought at first I should just try to wait and see but I really don't think it would be fair to Bertholdt using him as a 'try out' any longer. Especially not when making out with him made me think about Levi in all the ways I shouldn't.''

After that long answer, Eren was back with his face stuffed into the pillow before Armin even had a chance to answer. But he was seeing Eren's point.

''So I am guessing, since you seemed to have realized all there was to realize about your situation you want me to help you what to do next?''

Armin barely registered the movement of the pillow and Eren's head. He was guessing it was a nod. He sighed and got his hands back tangled into those thick curls of his best friend. It earned him a low grumble of satisfaction from Eren which put a smile on Armin's face. He started to ponder how he could help the ball of misery at his side.

He was quiet for a longer moment, thinking through all possibilities, his hand never stopping the scratching and petting. When he spoke he was half afraid his soothing gestures put Eren to sleep. Armin knew what he was about to say will be harsh but knowing Eren for as long as he did, gave him assurance he didn't have to and even shouldn't hold back. If anything, they were always honest with each other.

''Have you considered the possibility that it might be better if you cut your ties with Levi?''

A groan assured Armin that Eren wasn't sleeping. He moved the pillow away and laid his head on it. He turned and stared at the ceiling as he spoke. Still, Armin noticed the pain it brought to his face while he spoke.

''Yeah. It crossed my mind, unfortunately. Though it might be a bit difficult as I am his comatose boyfriend's nurse.''

''Sorry Eren, but… I really suck as a friend at the moment. I have no idea what advise to give you with this… It's so complicated and messed up that I…. I am really sorry I cannot help.''

''Nah. Don't sweat it. I think I just had to let it all out and too bad for you, you're always the one I call when I feel that need.''

"Yeah. Miserable me. What I've had to bare with for the last two decades!'' Armin put the back of his hand to his forehead as he dramatized over his misery.

''Hey! I am not **that** high maintenance!''

POOF!

And the pillow-shield was tossed into Armin's unexpected face. When he looked back at Eren they both burst out laughing.

''But thank you. If it wasn't for you Armin, many times in the past I don't know…''

''Aaaaa, don't go all sappy on me now! You know I don't know how to deal with sappy and sad!'' Armin looked half serious to which Eren chuckled.

''Yeah. So as a thank you – Eren leaned to the other side of the bed and grabbed the bowl that was on the night side table. – Have a gummy bear.''

Armin just shook his head at the intense grin Eren was giving him.

''No prob, but I'd think my help was worth more than a gu… – Armin put the jelly animal in his mouth and stopped mid sentence. He gazed at Eren curiously. It only earned him a bigger grin. – You...''

Eren nodded.

''Yep. They're soaked in vodka. You didn't actually think I'd get through this with no booze involved now did you?''

''I deluded myself you evolved to another level of maturity?''

''Ha! Me mature! Good one.''

Armin only shook his head at the tongue that was pointed his way. Oh well. Eren had a day off tomorrow and he was free until he found a new job. They were the only thoughts that passed though Armin's head as he grabbed couple of more bears while Eren stuffed his mouth with about half a dozen.

 

 

About an hour later, half of gummy bears gone, some random movie playing on Eren's bedroom TV, both of them munching on the cookies Eren made a day earlier and Titan laying at the foot of the bed as Eren was boozed enough to let the mutt be, Armin was sitting up on the bed, his back propped against the wall with Eren's head lying on his things again. After some whining from Eren, Armin's fingers were gliding through his hair ( _again_ ).

Both men felt relaxed, their heads hazy just a little and their stomachs comfortably full. It was a very lazy evening and Eren felt great in so many ways, especially as he couldn't remember the last time he lazed around and did nothing. Subconsciously he knew his problems weren't gone, though at the moment they felt a whole lot lighter.

''Eren?''

''Mmm?'' Eren answered lazily, Armin's fingers doing something magical on his temples making him a bit sleepy.

''Can I now bother you a little?''

''Huh?'' Eren opened his eyes and listened on. Sleep gone in an instant. He registered the tiny hesitation in Armin's voice.

''I mean, I know you have your own pr...'' And just like that Eren was sitting up and looking straight at Armin.

''If you say what I think you want to say I **will** kick your ass given the right by being your best friend.''

Armin smiled while a small sigh still escaped him. He nodded and decided to say it straight.

''Right. So I will be an awful human being and dump some of my problems on you back.''

''Great!''

Eren actually grinned at him in response. Armin was still sometimes surprised how much energy his childhood friend could store inside. If he didn't know him better he would describe Eren as carefree and happy all the time. But the fact remained that he knew the jade-eyed man in front of him like no one else and was too aware of some darkness that was stored inside, deep beneath that cheerful exterior.

''I kinda have someone I like at my college.''

''What?! That's great! – Eren looked deeper into Armin's face expression. – It's not great?''

''I am not sure.''

''Why?''

''There are… two of them.''

''Huh? Armin… you dog!'' Eren punched Armin's arm playfully.

''Here. Have a gummy bear on me.''

''Eren.'' Armin whined but took the treat either way.

''Sorry. I know I suck at being a serious friend. But do go on. Though can I ask one thing?''

Armin nodded, biting bear's head off in the meantime.

''You said 'them', not straight up that they are women, so can I assume that…?''

''Yeah. One of them is a guy. That's another thing I wanted to tell you. I think we can confirm our talk from _that_ time.''

''So you're now sure you like checking out guy's asses out as well?''

Eren winked at Armin to which Armin blushed just the tiny bit.

He wasn't a prude; he was 27 so of course he's done _things_ in his life, just like Eren. They spent countless nights with Eren talking about very various things, he was the one to help Eren 'study' how things are done between guys back in high school but the moment it came to talking about _his_ (in this case possible) relationships he would always get embarrassed.

''I still don't know. I was always kinda curious, being friends with you and all, helping you out realizing you were gay but lately it's been… It's been different. And it's stupid when you think about it! Everyone thinks I am straight, had my amounts of girlfriends, been in relationships like any other person. And I am 27 already! In my age…''

''Let me stop you right there Armin.''

Eren, seeing it was more than a talk about possible crushes, got all serious and grabbed Armin's hands into both of his.

''It doesn't matter AT ALL how old you are, you hear me? If you'd been fifty and realized you'd rather have your dick in a guy's ass it still would be ok. You're not sure? It's ok. I'll help you figure it out in any way I can. You're sure you like both? Sure thing. I see no problem. You figure in the end you don't like girls and 'convert' like Jean? Welcome aboard I'd tell you. As long as you're ok with whatever you choose, you know we all love ya. So if you think this is a problem, stop it right now. The only problem I might see here is if you cannot yet be sure what exactly you want. End of it.''

Armin looked at their intertwined hands and squeezed Eren's back, trying to send back all that he was feeling inside. He didn't know what he did to deserve such a good friend, most of the times he didn't really think about it. About Eren being his friend and what it meant, what Eren could and would do for him if he only asked. But in moments like these Armin would remember why that was.

It was always a given that Eren (and Mikasa of course, as well as the rest of the pack) would be there for him. He was so certain of it like nothing else.

The thought alone made his throat tighten as he looked at Eren once more.

He sent him an unspoken 'thank you' and once more he knew Eren understood.

''And who's going sappy on me now, huh?''

Armin chuckled and after one final squeeze he let Eren's hands go.

''So, what are they like?''

''Huh?'' Armin looked up from the bowl, which he was rummaging in search of yellow bears, his favorite ones. As good of a friend Eren was, he tended to eat them just in spite of him. He managed to find a handful at the bottom, which meant Eren was feeling more depressed about his problems than he'd show. He had forgone his eternal battle with Armin, which said a lot to him.

''Your crushes? Both of them.''

''Oh. Well the girl is, I mean was from my Uni, she got her degree around the same time I did. She's…I don't know. She's different and all but there's something about her that always made me curious. But I can bet she doesn't even know I exist.''

''Huh? You mean you never spoke to her?''

''No. I did. We had different majors but shared some general classes few times. And also at some get-togethers we had we would bump into each other but you know it never…evolved.''

''And why's that?''

''Because I am a coward? I kinds felt _intimidated_ by her. She is so _strong_.''

''What? She does weightlifting or something?''

''What? NO! I didn't mean it literally. I mean in character.''

''Oh. And here I started to think you changed your type to well built and…''

''Stop the teasing, Eren. For your information she's really pretty.''

Armin answered with some sense of pride. Only his pure love for Armin kept Eren from chuckling at that. He listened to his worries so he deserved the same thing back. Even if some things Armin said were a bit funny. Or maybe it was the little buzz he was feeling caused by the gummy bears.

Still, he kept his laugh back and looked more closely at Armin. He could see some warm sparkle in the cerulean eyes of his best friend. It warmed Eren's heart that his friend was showing interest in relationships once more. The last break up he had was over two years ago, little after Eren's accident and after that, even if Armin always said it wasn't the case, Eren felt he was somewhat responsible for Armin's lack of love life. He knew his friend was worried about him all this time to the point where he simply just didn't bother with eventual flings or what not.

''What about the guy? And why is there another individual when from what I can hear and see you're quite head over heels with this girl.''

''Um, I…'' Armin looked away, a mix of shame and embarrassment showing on his face. But like Armin knew Eren through and through, it worked the same way back. He could read Armin like an open book, especially when the blond didn't want him to.

''Come on, Armin. You decided you wanted to talk about it. I mean, if you don't want to say I'm cool with that too.''

''No. You're right, but you know me. I was always shy about my own love life. About that guy. He's not from my uni. But he's…''

''What? He's what? Older? Younger? Don't tell me he's underage or…''

Armin's head shot back to him and his eyes widened.

''What?! No! He's around our age. I think. I am not sure. I never asked him.''

''So you talked to him?''

''Of course I did. A few times but I did. But the thing about him is that…''

''Would you spill it already?!''

''He's freaking attractive!''

Eren blinked couple of times, digesting what Armin said, with fierceness on his face that was so not like him, made Eren wonder for a second if he was still talking with his best friend.

After few moments it finally registered with him all that happened and this time Eren was a lower man. He chuckled against all better judgment. He knew he shouldn't but when he realized what it was Armin was getting at, it was simply stronger than him.

But to his defense it was a short chuckle and not a full blown laughter.

It still earned him a major death glare from Armin.

''Sorry. Sorry. I am sorry, Armin. You didn't laugh when I told you about my problems but correct me if I am wrong, but with this guy? You want to…with him?''

Armin crossed his arms and looked away with a loud huff escaping his mouth. He was pouting angrily and Eren bit back his comment on how cute he looked at the moment. He was anything but scary, which Eren was guessing what he was aiming for.

It didn't last long and slowly he looked back at him, sad and tired expression present.

''I do, Eren. – Armin whined while he let his arms slump at his sides. – It's not _only_ about sex, I swear. I thought about those things with the girl from my uni too of course. But he…I've been interacting with him a bit longer and I've been wondering about those things for some time now, and he's kinda the first guy I started to look at with _those_ intentions and…''

Eren let Armin ramble on. He was listening to every single word his friend said but his mind wondered back to all those years ago when he was in the same position as Armin now, wondering, thinking, uncertain and how Armin helped _him_ then. He wanted to be of the same help to him now.

''…And I don't even think he's, well you know, into guys. I am not even sure if I am. I am almost sure but that's still not full certainty and what if he is? And he'd want something _real_ and I could give him only so…''

''Aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourself? Did you ask him out then?''

''What? No! I… I am scared. I bet…''

''Would you stop with all the betting already? You like him, you're attracted, you say you don't think he has somebody so what's the harm?''

''The girl…''

Eren sighed. He's never been attracted to two people at once so he could only imagine how Armin felt. Add sexuality crisis to all if it and it makes things just twice more complicated.

''You cannot say whom you like better because you know both of them in different ways. You're also attracted to them because of different aspects, right? – Armin nodded. – I'll tell you this, and it's only my advise, do what you want with it like was always said. Whoever you meet first next try to ask them out? On a date, booty call, whatever you and the other side prefers. Or maybe subconsciously you want to meet one first more than the other so that'd be a part of answer for you there already. But while my situation sucks because of obvious reason, yours only requires you to act and that's the only thing that's stopping it from going forward. But that's only my opinion.''

''You're right Eren. Thank you. I'll think about it and see what happens. But can I… can I ask one last question?''

''Sure?''

Eren leaned back on the headboard of his bed, stretching his legs out. Titan's been making tiny steps forward for last half an hour already, edging his way towards him. Eren took pity on the mutt and petted the space next to him. In a flash, black ball of fur was curled at his side, a big muzzle on his thigh and brown eyes burning holes in him. Eren placed his palm and started scratching behind his pointy ear. In seconds brown orbs were hazy with sleep, content with the petting.

''Um I…I'll understand if you won't want to answer. – Eren gave Armin a look that said he was being stupid again. There was nothing he couldn't ask him but Armin sometimes would forget about that. – How is it? I mean, with a guy?''

Eren didn't understand for a short moment, but the blush that covered Armin's cheeks seconds later gave him the idea just what he was asking.

He sighed and smiled warmly at his friend. He was surprised he didn't hear that question years ago when they were still teenagers, but Armin was always shy about his own personal life. It might seem he was here asking Eren about his, but it also targeted his (eventual) sex life.

''I know what you're asking me here, Armin but I don't know what to tell you buddy. I mean I know _what_ you're asking but it's complicated. I am not shy in anyway, I can tell you in detail what it's like to give somebody a blow job or rim somebody. How it feels to have someone else's cock in your hand, instead of your own.''

''Eren!'' Armin whined, still pinkish around the eyes.

''But I am guessing it's not exactly what you are asking about. I think you more want to know how it compares to being with a woman. And that, you know I cannot tell you as I have never been with one.''

''I guess you're right. I was… curious? Sorry for asking.''

''Nah. There's nothing to say sorry for, really.''

''It's not that I am _only_ curious about the sex part of homosexual relationship, but I guess it's the first thing you wonder about when you know, _wonder_.''

''Yeah. Though, if you want I can still tell you all about the beautiful art of giving head. It's really amazing ho…''

PUFF!

Eren pealed off the pillow off his face and looked at grumpy Armin. He sent him a full blown grin.

''But if you want to ask about comparison there is another person who'd know.''

''Who?''

''Jean.''

Slowly Armin's face showed expression of realization.

''But…Jean is…''

''Jean might be an ass at times but I can assure you if you'd go to him and honestly ask him about it he'd give you an answer.''

''But I don't think I am still sure…''

''I am just saying Armin. I am not _telling_ you to go to him. Just that you have an option to. Plus, speaking of which. Have you told Mikasa about, you know, your _situation_ , let's say for the lack of better terms?''

''Kinda. I mentioned some things that I am wondering about how I keep checking out guys as well as girls and all that. But that's about it.''

''And what did she say?''

''You know her. Pretty much the same thing you did when I first mentioned the possibility to you.''

''True.''

''Though she did try to educate me about sex aspect of guy-guy relationship.''

''She did?!''

This one deserved a full blown laughter and Armin joined him in that.

''What did you do?''

''What do you think? I ran figuratively speaking. But she means well, we both know. And I bet she knows more about gay relationship than you might.''

''It might have been true a decade ago when she eagerly studied it when I first came out but now? Don't think so.''

Eren sent Armin a wink, to which latter pretended to gag.

''But I was a bit wrong about earlier. – Armin looked confused do Eren went on. – Jean didn't really convert. He knew what he was from the start but was scared about it for a long time.''

''What?''

And then it hit Eren how he forgot about saying a single word to anybody about his and Jean's 'reconciliation' after the party.

And everything that happened after.

And in between.

Especially the part that came _after._

''Eren, what are you talking about? And on a side note, now that I think about it, why aren't you calling Jean horseface anymore? Overall, you're more…dare I say… nice towards him?''

Eren knew his expression spoke 'guilty' in high volumes and it was Armin he was facing. There's no way he would find a way out of it. All he hoped for was that Jean and Marco would forgive him for spilling everything about their adventurous evening. They didn't agree to keep it to themselves but then again, did they really have to? It's not something you go off and share with others.

Not that he had much of a choice here.

So after a sigh, sitting up and accepting his fate, he faced Armin square on.

''Um, maybe I'll start with a small, tiny, very side and unimportant fact to this story how I had a crush… No. That's not right. How I was in love with Jean in high school?''

Of course Armin screamed a loud 'what'.

After he calmed down, Eren decided to just tell him everything.

 

It took some time, but eventually he laid it out all for Armin. And when said everything, it mean everything. Threesome make out thing included.

''Oh my god, Eren. That's… god. And you… And he… And Levi saw? And Marco? You and him? But you…''

That ramble went for some time when suddenly Eren was grabbed by his shoulders, surprised how Armin's grip was strong despite his small posture. But what surprised him even more was the angry look he got. The frown around those blue eyes was a rarity and to have it pointed at him made him move back in shock.

The sudden movement made Titan jump up in surprise as well, who looked at both men angrily and jumped off the bed.

Eren would look where his pet went if he wasn't preoccupied as to why exactly Armin was furious with him.

Yet the fury didn't last. It was soon replaced with a look of hurt and sadness, followed by very quiet words.

''Why didn't you tell me, Eren? – Eren was about to ask what Armin was referring to, just in case but Armin continued. – Why didn't you say a single word about how you felt about Jean? About what happened between you two? This whole misunderstanding, last decade of it, could've been…''

Eren wiggled out of Armin's lessened grip and looked away.

''I know, Armin. I know it _now_. But what's done is done. We fixed it now and all I can do is make sure something like that never happens again. And I am sorry. That I didn't tell you of all people. But I didn't say a word to anybody back then. I kept it to myself. I was too hurt by this whole thing that I just couldn't word what I thought was a lost cause. I know it doesn't justify it but…''

Eren jumped a little at a hand griping, gently this time, his shoulder. He looked at Armin who was smiling kindly at him and shaking his head in a slow manner.

''It's ok. I was just surprised. And I guess kinda mad at myself? That I didn't notice anything. Out of all people like you said.''

''Yeah, I was a bit surprised as well. I figured you noticed but were nice and didn't say anything until I did. But it's done and over with. I just hope my whole revelation didn't ruin things for Jean and Marco.''

''Huh? What do you mean?''

''After that night it went kind of bonkers for these two. I butted my nose some time ago and talked to Jean, who was freaking out by the way that Marco was ignoring him while he had no idea why. And then I asked Marco about it too. It turns out he got intimidated you could say, by mine and Jean's relationship. That we know each other for much longer than he and Marco do, and now that we got it all out, me and Jean could try it out. Lost chances and all that shit.''

''But Jean is…''

''Incurably in love with our freckled friend? Yeah. I know. We all know that. Jean is blinded by that so a thought that me and him could make Marco feel insecure didn't even cross his mind. Which was what I told Marco. I just hope he listened to me and had an honest conversation with Jean. I know what you're gonna say, I shouldn't have butted in but I felt I had some right, if not to go so far and say obligation after I…''

''No. You did a right and good thing. Tell me if you find out anything? I hope everything settles down for these two.''

''Yeah. Me too. I loved Jean, I really did. But that's done and gone and now he's just like you. Almost brotherly-like.''

''Thanks, Eren.''

''Though I have to put emphasis on the 'almost' part. I mean most brothers don't do what we did.''

''Huh?''

''You know? Firts year of college, we got a bit drunk and I just broke up with what his name, and then we...''

''Agh! Enough of gummy bears you moron!''

Eren laughed at another blush covering his friend's cheeks.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"You seem better.''

"Huh?''

Levi looked up from his papers he was scanning, sitting on his office couch while Hanji sat on the opposite side of the coffee table, grinning at him for whatever reason this time.

''Oh, don't play dumb. You made up with Eren, didn't you?''

How much more perceptive can this woman get? Those stupid spectacles just had to hold some special power.

She hit a nail dead on; there was no need or point to deny it.

So Levi took another usual approach. Brush it off as nothing and looked back down to the papers in front of him.

''Yeah. We had a chance to chat yesterday.''

''And?''

''What else do you want to hear? I said sorry, he said sorry, I told him I was the douche one, the end.''

''Are you fucking serious here? You were a dick not a douche, that's one thing. And really? That's all you did? You know you should have asked him to get him a drink or a dinner or something for…''

''I know Four-Eyes! – Ok, maybe that was a bit too loud to be considered a 'brush off'. Levi took a quiet but a long breath and continued, his eyes still glued to the letters and numbers in front. – I asked but he was busy. I have _some_ social skill so of course I wanted to make it up to him.''

''But?''

Levi looked up, feeling a bit annoyed.

''But nothing. He had plans. The end. Maybe some other time.''

He finished that conversation with that and, for some reason unknown to men, Hanji didn't press it anymore. Though he did feel her gazing at him for some time afterwards.

 

 

It was true he was feeling less agitated and was having a better day after the talk with Eren yesterday but no matter the better mood or not he still hated this part of the job. Going through financial details to make sure everything was in order. He trusted Gunther with the finances but some things he just had to do it himself. And he hated it. It just wasn't his thing.

Better get it over with today.  There was little hope it could be done in one day but what did it hurt to dream.

Levi was going over the things he still had to do in his head while entering the bathroom. But whatever thoughts he had  flew right out when he faced the picture before him.

He was at a blank point of thoughts and just stared, trying to comprehend if he was seeing right. He blinked few times, eyebrows raised high, pondering if he should do or say something. But his mood, despite the fact he had to do part of the work he loathed, was on a good note. In effect he let out a quiet chuckle to himself and leaned to the side on the wall, folding his arms in front of his chest.

He figured he could wait for them to finish. Heck, it would be very entertaining to see their faces when they realized that he was there. He almost laughed again at the thought.

But after a long moment, that seemed to stretch painfully, with no indication that the show before him was coming to an end he started to fidget.

They were going at it as if they had completely forgotten they were in their office bathroom and that anyone could walk in on them any minute, just like Levi did right now.

They were so lost in their game that was escalating quickly, kissing frantically, tongues twisting and turning in the sensual battle both men were enjoying to its fullest. Erd's hand was roaming underneath Gunther's dress shirt that was un-tucked from his pants, while he pinned him to the sinks as the other hand fiercely kneaded his behind. Erd was moments away from picking the other up and setting him down on the marble surface.

Gunther, who was making noises that ascended in volume bit by bit, had his palm burrowed in Erd's golden locks that were let loose, his usual hair band nowhere in sight, while the other gripped the sink for the dear of life. Soon, Erd's hand travelled down the brunet's thigh, hoisted it up just to have it wrapped around his waist.

Levi started to realize this was going too far and he had seen enough. No matter how close they all were, he'd still rather be oblivious to some parts of his friends'/subordinates' life. He was about to speak but his voice was drowned out by a very long and sensual moan that escaped Gunther's lips while Erd attacked his neck, making quite a lot of smacking noises to which Levi winced in slight disgust.

''Ok! Stop! Before I see something even more destructive to my mentality.''

They jumped up, startled and put distance between each other as if they just have been shucked by electricity.

Levi thought stopping them would be a good thing, but seeing their red faces, swollen lips, and, in Gunther's case, a big red mark right underneath his collar bone, made him even more aware that if it wasn't for him, they might have gone much, much further.

Their dishevelled outlook, un-tucked shirts, wrinkled jackets, and oh god, let it be Levi's imagination that Erd's zipper was undone, left very little to imagination just _how_ far they were willing to go.

Levi felt headache coming on. He looked down as he rubbed the space between his eyes.

''Please, get yourselves together. I am going to take a piss now and I hope when I come out you will be _somewhat_ put together.''

And just as he said, he walked into a stall, not stealing a glance at the two. They seemed to be in the same shock Levi was put into when he first came in. Maybe it was for better.

After doing his business and washing his hands in the sink opposite to the ones the two horny dogs were mauling each other not so long ago and passing the two in dead silence, he finally looked up.

He hadn't even had a chance to speak before a flow of words escaped Erd.

''It was me! I talked him into it! I will take full responsibility for it, so don't blame Gunther. He's the one that should stay in the firm!''

''What? No Erd! You cannot! I will be the one to…''

Levi looked at Erd and then at Gunther dumbfounded and utterly confused.

One nonsense sentence at a time, he figured.

''What? What the hell are you talking about staying?''

''Well, we are in a relationship and I will not end it so I figured, one of us has to…''

Levi sighed and actually smiled at the two.

''Are you actually serious with this? You really think I'd give some shit about something like no-relationships amongst employee’s policy? Hell, we don't even have that kind of shit in our contracts idiot.''

''We don't?''

''Who knows, who cares even if we do?''

''Then why are you angry?''

So that gave him that preposterous idea!

''Because you were about to go and do it in our men's bathroom, you moron! One we share and I go to as well and when I think what would happen if I didn't stop you…''

Levi shuttered at that prospect. Disgusting.

''So listen, dimwits. I don't care if you two frick frack and who shoves up whose – Gunther actually blushed at that. – Just don't fucking do it in the office. Especially when there's a chance I will walk in on you two! I've seen a share to last me a lifetime.''

It seemed relief washed over the two, their shoulders slummed in relaxation while they sent each other short but warm glances. Levi wanted to puke at the adorableness with these two.

''Oh, don't think you're off the hook just yet. Hmmm I guess I will call Mrs. Wilkins she has a paid day off. – Of course the two looked at him confused. – Oh, she's the cleaning lady that comes here every other day. But today you lovelies will have a chance to work off your raging libido and clean up the _entire_ office all by yourselves. After hours.''

Levi had to give it to them that they showed no sign of dissatisfaction and only nodded.

''So, after we all leave, you two lovebirds will have the office all to yourself and a chance to work together and to think about your teenage behaviour. I am going back to doing the ass finances with Hanji now.''

Levi turned around and was about to walk out but turned around.

''Erd, your zipper is still undone and Gunther do not leave until your raging boner is gone. We do have ladies working with us. Plus, if I was to be strict with relationship policy I also would have to let either Petra or Aurou go. Of course if he ever gets the balls to ask her out.''

With the doors opened, Levi turned around one last time to see Erd zipping his pants and Gunther red faced, squirming as if trying to will his hard on away.

''Oh, and I will be the one to _inspect_ your cleaning, so **do** actually clean when you're after hours.''

He sent them one last smirk and walked out.

The two men looked at each other in confusion and then something clicked for both of them.

''Alone after hours…'' Gunther whispered.

''Did Levi just…''

''I think he did, Gun. I think he did.'' Erd smiled at his blushing boyfriend and stole one last kiss from his abused lips.

 

 

* * *

 

 

''Come on, Levi. It cannot be that bad.''

Levi sent Hanji a glare.

''If you had walked in a moment later I am _certain_ he would have asked me out for dinner or some other shit. So yes. It _is_ that bad Four-Eyes.''

Hanji chuckled and actually spread out on his couch, but keeping her feet tangling on the side. She knew better, from experience of course, than to make that mistake once more. She had enough of the after effects to last her a lifetime or two. Plus, even after a significant raise after becoming Levi's partner, it still would hurt her wallet to pay for cleaning his precious furniture. With some things, Levi tended to overreact like a whining wuss. Though it was true the last and only time she slummed on the couch it was winter and her heavy boots weren't all that clean.

Again, better safe than sorry with Mr. Grumpy Clean Freak.

''Four-Eyes? That means we're in pissed off mode. But think about it. We're getting closer and closer to finishing up with their campaign. Before you even know it, you will be 'Nile-free'.''

''Wrong! That's another reason I am pissed. He made another offer of a project for us to do. As far as I am concerned, I shall not be 'Nile-free' as you put in the nearest decade, because that's how my life sucks dick.''

Levi realized his mistake in wording his frustration a moment too late, before he could stop the words from escaping him.

''Ooo, wouldn't that be a good thing for you actually now?''

He shall be above and not grace the idiotic woman with a response.

''And what project is it this time?''

''I don't know. I don't care.''

''Huh?''

Hanji was surprised by a somewhat heavy stack off papers landing directly on her face.

Startled she sat up, trying to gather her composure and the papers that scattered around. Good thing most were stapled together or she would be gathering them forever.

When she finally did and started to look through them she understood nothing.

''What is this?''

''This is _your_ own new project as my partner. I give you all the free reign on it. Knock yourself out and maybe Nile while you're at it.''

''That's _very_ mature Levi. But putting that aside, you never _not_ overlook projects. You always are in charge of the final design and graphic of…''

''I know. But not this time. I trust you. You will come to me only after the whole thing is done. All you will get from me is a final signature.''

Levi had to look away from Hanji when she smiled so brightly he swore she was beaming with light.

It was a bad idea because he failed to notice when she got off the couch, and ran to him to slump her long arms around him while he still sat behind his desk.

He let out a groan that lacked in frustration and patted her head. Twice.

She pulled back and smiled at him.

''Awww. _How_ affectionate of you!''

''Oh shut it. But remember, it's all cool but if you fuck it up the responsibility is on you.''

''Come on. Don't treat me like a newbie. I am working in this industry almost as long as you do. But on another subject.''

She went back to the couch but sat on it normally this time, after putting the documents into her briefcase, she continued.

''I was wondering if you'd mind I'd go with you the next time you visit Erwin. It's been too long since I've gone. I am feeling so bad about it with myself.''

That was a sudden change of subject, Levi had to agree.

''Nah. I was planning on going tomorrow. We should wrap quickly and we will have a Saturday off.''

''Great!''

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

''Would you fucking stop it?!''

Levi groaned, pushing Hanji off his arm for the multiple time in last 10 minutes that they were walking.

''Sorry, I had a tiny bit too much coffee!''

''How much exactly is 'tiny' by _your_ definition?''

''5 cups?''

She sent him an innocent look, as if that four-eyed creature _ever_ looked even the tiniest bit innocent. He sighed as he rubbed his temple with a hand that was free from a vice grip, because of course the vile creature was hanging off of him once more. Even the long walk they had to take after parking his car at a café where they got something drink and eat, by Levi's choice in hopes to make her calm down, didn't seem to have worked in the slightest.

''Come on, behave yourself. It's not a big deal.''

''What are you talking about. We just shared lunch and tea. We're going to see Erwin and then you actually asked _me_ , not the other way around, for drinks. It is a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig deal.''

Levi moved his head away as she practically squealed the last part into his ear.

''I give you next 5 seconds to let go or the plans are off. I mean it.''

Finally that tactic worked.

They all had a shorter day today at the office but Hanji was so high maintenance he was feeling as he if did a double shift. If he actually had shifts at work, that is.

So here he was, about to walk into the hospital with _skipping_ Hanji while she hummed something quietly. This was starting to feel like an outing with a child more than one with an actual grown woman.

When they were inside Levi really started to wonder about the state of Hanji's mentality. She was looking around the place as if she was in some kind of amusement park.

''What the…? You've been here before, what are you so excited about. It's a fucking hospital, not a theme park. There's nothing happy about being here.''

''Oh, I am not happy about being here. I am just looking?''

Levi waited until they were inside the elevator to continue the talk.

''And for what exactly?''

Hanji smiled at him as an only response and he didn't like it one bit. For one it was _that_ smile she always had when she was up to something, two he hadn't had the tiniest idea what she was going on about. He had to be cautious; he knew it in his gut.

They exited the elevator and Levi had to ponder for a second which way to turn. He was so used to taking the stairs to this loathed 3rd floor he almost forgot they actually had an elevator here until Hanji went for it as an automatic after they entered the hospital building.

Levi didn't stop her then, just followed and forced himself not to think exactly why he always tended to take the stairs.

It was true he was slowly getting there, to the point where he accepted the cruel reality of things and it was hurting him less each time but that didn't meant it didn't hurt at all. When he was alone, walking the path he knew by heart it was easier, everything set on automatic, as if a coping mechanism turned on the moment he took the first step on the stairway. It was natural.

This simple detour of things made him feel weird in ways he couldn't describe.

But surprisingly he was calmer than he would've anticipated. A part of him was afraid he would stop at some point, realizing he was getting to the destination too fast, that he still needed a little more time, just few more minutes to gather it all inside.

He assumed if he hadn't had his usual time-delay, a chance to collect his heart and feelings inside, get them in order, he would once more break down and turn cold. That his instinct would tell him to become distant. But it hadn't happened.

Maybe it was because of Hanji's presence on his side, or maybe he was getting better quicker then he thought. So maybe there was hope that in near future he would be able to function and live life normally.

It wasn't as though he was disregarding Erwin's presence in his life; that would remain constant no matter what future brought. But maybe, just maybe he was allowing himself to take Hanji's advice and move on? Maybe he had already taken that path before he even realized it himself. And just maybe he felt good with himself about this realization. He didn't loath himself for once for looking forward, and was gazing ahead with clear conscience.

He exited the elevator feeling somewhat lighter inside, and deciding on taking the hated flight of stair less. Maybe it was a silly detail, a random meaningless thing he did but to him it felt like taking a big step forward. Even if he was the only one that knew about it.

Once they were walking towards Erwin's room, taking left as Levi recalled, Hanji was _still_ in heated look for something only she was aware of. Levi decided he'd rather stay pleasantly unaware what was roaming in her twisted mind. Once they were in front of the door she let out a small sigh of disappointment, an indication that whatever it was, she failed to find it.

''Oh well. Maybe another time.''

She whispered to herself and then reached for the door.

It was beginning of December, the weather was getting cold surprisingly fast and Levi predicted some snow fall might happen in near future.

But it also meant that days were much, much shorter, and despite an early hour of barely 5pm it was really dark outside so the room was cloaked in darkness until Hanji clicked the switch.

Levi was faced with the same picture as always, the sight drew a quiet but long sigh out of him as well as a faint sad smile appeared which he didn't really bother whether Hanji saw or not.

She walked in first and went straight for Erwin's bed. Her face also bore an expression of sadness mixed with happiness, showing Levi she was having the same turmoil inside as him. The one as always, a fight between pleasure of seeing Erwin once more and the pain of actually watching the state he was in.

She stopped next to the bed and leaned down, laying a soft peck on Erwin's head, brushing her hand softly against his pale cheek and moving away a loose strand of hair.

Levi was amazed how the annoying bottle of energy that was clinging to him just moments ago transformed into somebody that was capable a of such gentle gesture. It tugged on his heart as he watched the scene unfold before him. He felt it fill with warmth and contentment.

Hanji looked back at him and a warm smile remained on her face, this time directed at him. He only nodded and walked up her. She stepped aside to give him some space while he picked Erwin's hand and brushed it with his lips.

''Hey, bud. Annoying Four-Eyes is with me today. I am saying sorry up front.''

''Hey!''

Hanji whined and Levi looked back to her. They smiled at each other and took a seat on both sides of the bed.

Levi preferred being alone with Erwin but today he felt extremely satisfied with Hanji on the other side, chit chatting with him and telling things to Erwin. Neither of them cared if doctors said he could or couldn't hear what they said. It didn't matter. What mattered was the flow of words, keeping it alive and light.

''I hope you won't mutilate me when you wake up but this Four-Eyed beast here is my partner now. I tell you, I still don't know what had gotten into my head to do it. I am now stuck with her whether I like it or not.''

''Oh, hell you are. And don't believe him Erwin. He whines and complains but we all know he loves me. I keep telling him it was a great idea, long over-due as well, to make me a co-owner of his firm.''

Levi scoffed at that and earned himself a death glare.

They were chatting away, about an hour passed since they came, when the door opened.

Levi turned around to see who it was and suddenly it clicked.

How could he forget and not piece it together before. He took a quick look at Hanji and she had this stupid, satisfied grin on her face. But she couldn't know that the person that was standing in the door was the Eren Jaeger he had so much trouble with lately.

It was impossible she would know. He barely told her what he looked like so she had no way of knowing.

But then again, maybe she did?

No. She couldn't. Yet her face was saying something different all together.

But how? Why were her eyes locked with Eren's.

Levi did amazingly quick brain search. So maybe it was slightly, just barely possible he could've but **_only_** could've went on about Eren's eyes longer than necessary one time when he was furious two weeks ago.

Then Hanji looked at him and right then he knew that _she_ knew.

He would take upon his life policy once more and get it over with sooner the better and faced Eren once more.

Of course the younger man was looking confused. Maybe because he didn't expect to see anyone here, maybe he didn't expect to see _two_ people, Levi wasn't sure.

He spoke and Eren startled, still looking curiously at Hanji who was being anything but subtle about eyeing him from head to toes. Levi wasn't the one at the end of that look yet he was feeling like a pray evaluated by its hunter.

"Hey Eren.''

Eren looked back to Levi and stood up straight. Maybe it was only Levi's imagination but he seemed tense.

''Oh, hey Levi. Sorry for interrupting, I can come back later. I already did the medicine check. I didn't know you also had company. I can really come back later.''

''Oh, don't be stupid. Again.''

''Yes! Come on in! I'm Hanji!!''

How Hanji materialized in front of Eren, neither he nor Levi were able to grasp. The emerald eyed boy jumped in surprise to look at her.

''Um, hello. So you're Levi's friend from work, right?''

''Oooo, so you _do_ know about me! And here I was certain the grump wouldn't even speak a single word about me.''

''Oh, no. He told me about you. Hello, I am Eren Jaeger. We met…''

''Oh, I know _everything_ about you Eren!''

Hanji said as she took Eren's extended hand. It was Levi's cue to get up from his chair. He just felt it in his bones she would do _something._ And that it would most possibly consist of embarrassing him to the maximum.

''Y-you do?'' Eren asked, glancing back to Levi while Hanji failed to let his hand go.

''Come on, Four-Eyes. Stop harassing the brat. He actually works here, remember?''

''Right.''

She let his hand go, but done so slowly, her eyes still roaming Eren all over. Was she calculation something in that mashed up brain of her? Levi'd rather not know.

''Ignore her. – Hanji whined. – Just do what you came here for, we won't keep you.''

''Oh, no problem. My shift's almost over anyway. I just came in to check room's supplies.''

Levi extended his hand to show Eren to 'knock himself out'.

Brat went into work mode instantly, checking drawers and shelves, noting things on a notepad Levi barely registered he had all this time. He was watching as the brunet worked fast, his eyes never leaving him. What he failed to see was Hanji's calculation look on him this time.

When Eren went into the bathroom that was attached to the room Levi was startled a little when Hanji spoke.

''Oh, my. Levi!''

He looked at her, titled his head in confusion.

What was it this time, he thought to himself.

Hanji didn't say anything while he looked at her, she had this weird look on her face that he couldn't in no way pin to any sort of emotion.

''What is it?'' He asked, agitated.

''Nothing. Nothing. But you know what? – Levi said nothing, waiting for her to go on. – Mike was so right!''

Again, confusion. Why couldn't she speak in simple, straight forward words?

''Eren is simply _yummy!''_

Of course she had to screech while saying the last word.

Of course she had to jump up and down couple of times while she did.

And of course, because why not, Levi told himself, Eren had to walk back into the room at that exact moment.

How did Levi know? Because the notepad he was holding hit the floor and Levi turned around to the most adorable sight ever.

For future reference, Levi in no way used a word ''adorable''. It was simply not in his vocabulary.

But back to the present, where Hanji was jumping up on the heels of her feet, Levi was looking at Eren, unsure what to say while the other man was starting to remind a ripe tomato more and more with each passing moment.

Suddenly Eren gathered, only somewhat, his composure and leaned down to pick up his notes. Which he failed first two times when they slipped past his fingers.

When he stood back up, Hanji continued with whatever she thought she was doing.

''Oh my, and he blushes too! Can we keep him?!''

This one caused even a tiniest blush to appear on Levi's cheeks and Eren's to deepen, if that was even possible. Of course Levi was blushing from pure embarrassment of having such a stupid friend by his side. Of course.

But his state of shock lasted only few seconds and he snapped.

''Hanji!'' He reprimanded her.

He was about to speak but was cut off by Eren.

''Um, I, well... thank you? It was nice meeting you but I have to go now.''

And just like always, was Levi starting to adapt to that tendency of his, Eren was magically at the door and opening it to leave.

And like always, Hanji had to do something embarrassing and childish. It didn't seem to matter she has already done a load to last him until he was 40.

''Oh, **_and_** he has a nice bum too!''

Eren is gone from the room, probably defying the laws of physics the speed it took him to disappear. Levi barely registered last sight of his crimson red ears.

Once he was gone he looked at Hanji who was looking at him all grinning and proud of herself. He took a deep long breath, moved his hand in slow motion and flicked her on her forehead.

She squealed in surprise and put her hand to her reddening forehead.

''Why?'' She asked, tears in her eyes.

Levi only raised his eyebrows, giving her a look that spoke ''are you actually serious right now?''

She pouted and rubbed the spot on her head.

''That was mean. Meaner than usual.''

''Well you were embarrassing. More embarrassing than well, ever.''

Levi kept his eyes stuck to the door, wondering what Eren was thinking about this whole ''ordeal'' that played out. He didn't even have a chance to apologize for Hanji's stupidity.

He seemed to have been staring for a little longer than he would've wanted, contemplating about Eren and how he could explain it to him next time when Hanji coughed.

''That's interesting.''

''Huh?''

''Nothing, nothing I may be embarrassing but you're forgetful.''

''What?''

''Weren't you going to ''compensate'' to him for your rudeness?''

Levi suddenly remembered. She was right.

He once more locked his gaze on the door, his mind wondering, as if looking past the wood and following the young man, thinking how he should've said something when Eren was still in the room. But count on Hanji to mess up his pace.

''Go.''

''Huh?''

''Oh my god. Are seriously so slow or just plain stupid? – Levi glared at her. – Go catch him and ask him. I bet he still is around.''

That idea appealed to Levi in all ways he'd rather not think about.

''Nah, I'll catch him some other time.''

''Nah, go now, you were a dick and a douche and…''

''Ok! Got it. Heesh, you're annoying.''

''You betcha!''

So Levi walked out of the room, looking left and right in search of Eren, hoping he still would be able to catch him before he went home. He did say his shift was almost over. There was no time to loose. It was a safest bet to go in the direction of the front desk on this floor.

So picking up his pace, jogging a little, he went left. He was almost at the corner, putting a hand on the wall to slow down his speed while turning the corner when he caught sight of Eren.

And he was about to call him.

But he stopped dead in his tracks.

Eren was busy. Smiling and chatting with a very tall man next to him.

Levi recognized him instantly. It was the man from the time he last saw Eren, when they had the slightest chance to make up, the one Eren had plans with.

_His date._

A faint voice said in the back of Levi's head and he took a step back, hiding in the shadows of the wall. He should retreat, just talk to Eren another time, when he finally _did_ have time for him.

Why did that sound really bitter to him in his head? It was silly and pity of him to think like that. He'll just text him and ask him if he'd like to get a drink, or dinner or _something, **anything.**_

_Not if he has a **date.**_

The voice whispered once more.

Right, maybe it was better he didn't do so not if…

He should go back to Hanji. But he still stood, and watched while Eren beamed, his eyes sparkling that light of his, his smile full, a small chuckle reaching Levi ears. And then his ears caught something else. Pieces of the conversation. He knew he should go, shouldn't listen.

But he stays while words float to him.

''Come on, Bert. Let me make it up to you!''

''Don't be silly Eren, we can…''

''Nah. Let's go. My treat. You can pay next time, what do you say _hotness_.''

Levi barely registered the said _Bert's_ face flush a little when he nodded in agreement.

''Great! Just let me change and I will be right back and we can go!''

Levi looked at excited Eren, jumping slightly on the soles of his feet, so similar to how Hanji's done it not too long ago. Watched as the taller man wrapped his long, tanned limbs around Eren's waist and Eren giggled in reaction.

That was his cue.

He turned on his heel and quickly walked back, barely realizing how tightly he was squeezing his fists.

 

 

Bertholdt, who noticed somebody's posture some time ago but chose to ignore it, now turned around to look and almost didn't see a small figure making their escape.

''What is it, Bert?''

''Oh, nothing, nothing. But what were you saying?''

''I was saying you should keep your hands to yourself, you will send the wrong signals.''

Eren chuckled and Bertholdt did the same.

It seemed they understood each other on a level it was creepy, considering how short they knew each other.

''For one – you were the one to call me hotness. And I doubt it. I can send all I want and you _still_ won't get them.''

He proved, by pulling Eren closer to himself. It got him a jab in the ribs in return and Eren jogging away, laughing.

''Be right back.'' Eren yelled, without turning around.

''Alright, but I keep telling you Eren, you don't have to make it up to me for well _dumping_ me. It's weird.''

"Yeah, yeah. Shut it.''

That was the end of the conversation.

 

 

Levi almost stormed inside, little breathless, realizing only now that he was practically running back. God knows why, it almost felt as if he escaped. But from what?

''Levi?''

He completely forgot Hanji was still there, now looking at him keenly, concern all over her face mixed with a big dose of confusion.

He stood up straight instantly, composing himself. Hiding emotions behind a mask he mastered so well.

''Let's go.''

Was all that he said.

''What about Eren? Did...''

He cut her off.

''Nah. I missed him.'' Why was his voice barely above whisper and that one sentence brought such a sour feeling in his mouth.

Hanji studied his blank look for a moment and then answered, also keeping her voice unnaturally quiet.

''Oh, maybe another time.''

''Yeah. Maybe.''

Levi said, gazing through the window, his eyes unfocused.

Levi knew, almost felt it vibrating it off of her that Hanji wanted to say something. But she didn't for some reason, only got up from her chair, put on her coat that hung on the hanger and passed him, heading for the door.

Levi was still glued to the same spot.

She put her hand on his shoulders while he reacted in no way.

''I'll give you a minute. I will wait for you at the entrance.''

And she was gone.

And Levi was looking at Erwin's sleeping form.

Words barely above whisper passed his lips, directed to Erwin? He wasn't sure himself.

''It's impossible. It simply cannot be. It cannot…''

Words floated in the dead silence of the room, silence disturbed only by random beeping of the machine while Levi's hand involuntary gripped his shirt on his chest.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so there will be quite a few notes, and please read these some are actual in regards to the story ^_^  
>  **1.** This one is a bit shorter as I cut off one part for later as it would've spoiled something. What something you might ask? Well I am thinking (for some time now) about writing a side JeanMarco thing, probably one shot thing, maybe longer. Still not sure. Please share your opinions on _that_ eventuality ^_^.  
>  One thing I am sure of is its title, and it's all thanks to the lovely [tiny-heichou](http://tiny-heichou.tumblr.com/). Thanks again hun, for giving me that great idea, even if it was by accident ;)  
>  **2.** As you see I am having bits of problems time wisely with writing, so I was thinking about posting more often but half shorter chapters? What do you think about this? But as I suuuuuuuuuuuuck in coming up with chapter names it would probably mean titles looking like ''..'' Part 1/Part 2 and so on.  
>  **3.** I swear I had a third one just moment ago. Oh, well :p thanks for reading!!


	15. Hope(ful)?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren seems to be content while Levi is confused beyond words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! It wasn't two months this time! I know, I know it's not a particularly good reason to be happy :p But I am hope(ful) you are happy nevertheless :p  
> And another note - **VERY** IMPORTANT:  
>  **THANK YOU!** MY TWO NEW BETA's!!  
> [Tiny-Heichou](http://tiny-heichou.tumblr.com/) and [Maboroshinokokoro](http://maboroshinokokoro.tumblr.com/) did a wonderful job helping me! They answered quickly and the interaction made me want to write with double speed, so thank them as well for this update, I was certain it wouldn't be out for another week or two :D So again, thank you so much guys ♥  
> [My tumblr](http://darkshadekristen.tumblr.com)

''Aaaa, so close…''

Eren let out a groan as he stretched his limbs.

''Just a bit more, Bert. Don't be mean. Just… a …bit…closer!''

''Eren!''

''Aaaa, yes, yes!''

Eren let out a yell as a sigh escaped Bertholdt at the same moment.

.

.

.

.

.

.

''You know, if I wasn't sitting here and actually seeing what you guys were doing, I'd say you two were banging the life out of each other.''

Bertholdt and Eren snapped their gazes towards Armin, who was currently sitting on a huge puff pillow with a board of twister in his hands.

''Armin!'' Eren whined, doing everything in his power to keep his body up, which at this point was something on the verge of impossible.

Life was unfair that he had to play against Bert. He was tall and his legs and arms defied any anatomical laws known to Eren. And he was a nurse, so he should know.

At this exact moment, he was more or less all under Bert. His both bare feet on the green tiles, but because Bert was a well hidden asshole, he had had his left foot on the first circle and the other almost on the other end. Why? Because Bert twisted his own left leg in a way that made it impossible for Eren to access the more comfortable spot.

His right hand was on a middle yellow tile and just right now, somehow he managed to place his left palm on the red tile almost at the end, twisting his arms painfully.

Bert hung over him, his feet comfortably on green and yellow end tiles and hands on two red tiles. It was Eren who was suffering and whining in pain.

''What? You were moaning and doing all the ''aaa'' that…''

''Shut it, Arlert. We'll see how well you will do with this two faced bastard.''

Ok, so maybe he was going bit overboard on the whole winning thing. Sue him. He just hated to lose.

''Come on, Eren. That one hurt, you know?''

Bert said while Eren failed to hear any kind of pain in his voice. And too prove the point, Bert rubbed his bended knee against Eren's protruding ass.

''Hey! That's fucking sexual harassment.''

''Huh? I don't know what you mean.''

Bert spoke as he looked away.

''Armin!''

''He's right. I didn't see anything either.''

''I hate you both.''

''Hey, Eren, you were the one that wanted to play this one. I don't even know how the hell you ended up with this old thing.''

''I was cleaning the closet. But really? Could you spin the damn thing already?''

''Why, Eren? I feel kinda comfy here.''

And to prove his point once more, Bert rubbed his knee again against his inner thigh.

''Are you sure you two aren't still going out?'' Armin asked, tilting his head to the side to judge the picture before him.

''Yes, I am sure. This guy here is just holding a grudge. _Still_.''

''Nah. I am just a sore loser.''

''Don't tell me you're still hung up on the bowling game I won.''

''You mean you cheated! I…''

''Bert, right foot on red.''

''Are you fucking kidding me?!'' Eren yelled when heard it.

It meant for Bert to twist his whole body around, there was no other way around it.

''Better keep a firm hold on those muscles.'' Bert whispered as he went to take up the new position.

 

 

''I take it all back! You're insensitive and cruel.''

Bert chuckled as he cleaned his forehead with the towel that Armin handed to him.

They were after eight games, five of which were between Eren and Bert. Two of them were won by Bert and then other two by Eren. One ended with a tie between to Armin's demise. The two just kept on bickering and refused to take the big ass shot of vodka which was the penalty for loosing. Eren and Armin played two games and then the last one was Armin vs. Bertholdt.

The last one was brought the end to their play because of obvious reasons. It simply didn't end too well.

Bertholdt was after three mug shots of high percentage of alcohol (the tied game ended with both taking a shot) so when he tumbled a little and fell down, he landed his full body on top of Armin. The poor guy was squished for a long moment until Bertholdt gathered his long limbs and managed to get up. He apologized to the blond multiple times and even took two shots (even though Armin kept telling him not to) but at that point they decided they had enough.

''Oh come on Eren. Don't pout.''

''I am not pouting!'' Eren turned to them, forsaking folding the twister mat and doing just what he was refusing to admit to, pouting.

Bertholdt and Armin let out a synchronised laughter and Eren looked away.

''But are you guys sure there's nothing between you anymore? The tension when you played…'' Armin left the rest unsaid and looked between the two men who looked at each other.

Bert was the one to look away first and speak.

''Nah. I admit I was being a little mean today, but treat it as a payback for stopping mid way last…'' Bert stopped in mid sentence and cautiously looked at Eren and then at Armin.

Eren chuckled and waved his hand in a dismissive manner.

''Nah. Armin knows.''

''Oh.''

''Actually, if you want, Armin's up on our market as of late.''

Eren sent Armin a vindictive smirk. Take that for a pay back. He still couldn't believe the little shit beat him twice.

''Eren!'' Armin whined, hiding his face in his hands.

''Huh? You're gay too?'' Bert asked, looking curiously. ''But I heard from…''

''I'm not sure yet, and no one knows yet actually. Well, at least until _now_.'' Armin sent Eren an accusatory look.

''What? I mean, you weren't actually planning to keep it a secret? If you were then I'm sorry… I didn't think.''

''No. Of course not. But I am not sure, Eren. You know that. And no Bert, I am not gay, if anything other than straight I might be bi.''

''Cool.''

''Cool?''

Eren and Armin asked in union.

''Yeah. You're bi? Cool. You're undecided? Still cool. You're just a nice guy, Armin. I mean, what else should I say?''

Bert looked utterly confused. Suddenly Armin started laughing.

''True. I dunno what I was worried about.''

''See? I told you.''

''But I'll change the subject. What do you do Bert?''

''Oh, Eren didn't say? I'm a fire-fighter. But please, don't go all ''that's so brave'' shit on me.''

''Actually…" Armin chuckled. "I just pictured you rescuing hordes of kittens from a tree.''

There was a moment of silence between the three and then a sudden outburst of laughter.

After a long moment, when they finally finished, tired and eyes filled with tears, Eren got up to get them all (another) can of beer.

They were spread out in the living room in Eren's apartment, Bertholdt on Armin's earlier seat on the puff, Eren half lying on a folded blanket with his back against the couch which Armin was sitting on. Armin's legs were on each side of Eren, his hands automatically gliding through the thick brown locks.

''You two are the ones that make more illusion of being a couple, you do realize that?''

Eren looked up at Armin, who also looked down. There was faint smile exchanged between the two before they looked away.

''We know. We've known each other for two decades now. We're simply close. There's nothing between us. It's just how we are, really. Arlert, your hands stopped moving.''

Armin chuckled and after taking a sip of his beer, his hands went back to their task.

''So you're brother-like?''

''Mmm I wouldn't go that far to describe it.''

''That's a very vague answer.''

''Yeah, it is.''

Bertholdt looked between the two, acting all nonchalantly and decided to ask no more, though he had some idea where this was going.

''Oh, I see how it is. But I'll ask no more.''

''Good. So how exactly do you know Armin?''

''I don't. We have a mutual friend that gave me your number that Armin gave to her. They had some general classes together, right Armin?"

''Yeah, yeah.'' Armin answered, suddenly all fidgety on the couch and taking a big gulp of his beer, downing almost whole remaining half.

''Oh really?'' Eren had a hunch to keep the subject going.

''Yeah. She's my childhood friend. She said that she had a friend who said that _his_ childhood friend was also gay, like me, and maybe we would like each other and all that. The rest you know.''

''And what's her name?''

''Eren…'' Armin whined.

''Oh my friend? Annie. She said she shared general classes with Armin for these last two years and they were acquainted for some time.''

''Oh, does your friend happen to be of strong character?''

''Huh? I guess so. Pretty tough to be honest. Why? I thought you were gay Eren? Are you interested? But she has so…''

''I met him three days ago!''

Armin suddenly blurted out. Eren looked up in confusion. Armin was panting and looked utterly in panic mode.

''What are you…?''

''The guy I told you about. I saw him and talked to him and…''

''And?'' Eren pushed on, forgetting completely the other line of thought he was just pursuing.

''And I chickened out.''

Armin let out a long puff of air, deflating, his arms slopping on the couch as he gave Eren a look of pity, a look Eren knew Armin was directing at his own persona. Eren sighed and petted his best friend's thigh.

''It's ok. Maybe next time you'll manage.''

''But I did manage something.'' Armin gave him a weak smile.

''And what might that be?''

''If I read between the lines correctly, he's interested in guys too.''

''That's great Armin!''

''And I _think_ he was flirting with me.''

''And you're telling me this only now, why?''

Armin shrugged.

''Ugh. You're hopeless. If you think he was flirting that means he brought out the heavy guns.''

Eren leaned back down on the couch.

''Come on! I am not that dense when it comes to those things!''

''Right. And the last girlfriend you had you asked out after how long?''

''I didn't…''

''Exactly. Because she asked you out, tired of waiting. I am telling you Armin. You're putting yourself down too much. You're a catch. And I am saying as full blown gay so that should tell you something.''

''Eren, stop joking.''

''Who said anything about joking. I'd do you.''

''Me too.''

Eren and Armin snapped their heads up to look at Bertholdt.

''What? It's true. He'd not my usual type but if we're being honest here…''

At this point he looked completely flustered, and Eren noticed in the corner of his eye that Armin was wearing a faint blush. He started laughing against his better judgement.

''Hear that Armin?''

''Yeah, I heard that. Thank you Bert. I think.''

''Sure.''

And then the door bell rang.

''Ah! It must be the other guys! Better late than never.''

Eren jumped up and ran to get the door.

''Why the hell do you already smell like booze?'' Ymir, the one in the front of the group greeted him. He only sent her a cheeky grin.

 

 

''Ugh…''

Eren groaned, picking up his heavy and throbbing head off the saliva soaked pillow.

''I am never drinking again…''

He mumbled to himself, willing his arms to pick up his upper body.

''You say that every time. It never sticks. Plus, I think I might like you like this, all fearsome and dominating.''

''Huh?''

Eren was confused. He was hearing a voice but had no idea where it was coming from.

"Here hotness.''

With some struggle, he turned his head to the right and his barely outstretched arms gave out under him once more. He struggled to turn around and lay on his back, and instantly started to scramble back. As far as possible from Armin, who at the moment was lying next to him; in his bed, with a bare chest as Eren suddenly registered he himself was butt naked in.

His hung over brain calculated the distance to the end of the bed incorrectly. With a loud thump, Eren's nude body, tangled in sheets, ended up on the floor. Armin followed him, a pitying smile on his face, while looking down on him now on the floor.

''Oh, don't look so shocked Eren. It's not like the first time we...''

''Oh my god, Armin! That was ages ago. We were both fucking teenagers!''

''True. And w-we only made out and touched a l-little back then.''

''W-what do you mean?"

''Y-you really don't remember?" Armin's lip quivered and his expression changed to one of sadness. "You really cannot recall that last night we…''

''No. No. This is not happening!" Eren interrupted Armin once more. "Why the hell are you so calm about it Armin?''

Eren, in all his shock, dismissed all the pain in his head and joints and got up, dropping the sheets to the floor, standing in front of Armin as the day he was born.

''Easy on the eyes, Eren!" Armin moved away on the bed. He, on the other hand, was in his boxers. "You could put an eye out with that wood.''

Eren looked down and indeed he was having a case of some major morning wood. He scrambled for the sheets to cover himself, something he couldn't even recall ever doing in Armin's presence.

But this? This here was a tragedy.

It was not happening.

He did not sleep with his lifelong friend.

And his friend was not being so calm about it.

''Do-don't tell me you regret it Eren." Armin started to fidget with his fingers as he sat on the bed, looking down. "You said that you wanted me to be sure a-about, you know, my decision so to speak. You said that you wanted my first time with a man to be someone I trusted. I was happy when you said it Eren, because whenever I thought about doing it with a man, you know for the first time, I got really scared. You are somebody I trust with my life, Eren, we agreed it was ok that…''

Eren saw Armin's lip form a pout, his fingers doing some major twisting at this point. He was trying to keep his calm but this was a nightmare. This was not happening. He could be casual about sex, random one night stands behind him. But this? This was Armin. His best friend! And if Eren knew anything about relationships he was sure this could, and most possibly would, mess everything up between them. He loved Armin, but besides some immature stunts they pulled years back while slightly intoxicated, his mind has never wondered towards those topics with Armin.

He was freaking out he might just loose his best friend because he once more forgot to hold back on the liquor.

''Armin! This is not ok! I-I cannot understand why you're…you're so…''

Eren was on verge of tears from the helplessness he was feeling. He felt like standing on a cliff and his mentality, as well as his friendship was hanging off of it.

And Armin? In all of it he was not making any sense in any of it as well.

He took a step towards the bed to make Armin look at him, but now, while the minor shock of waking up naked next to his friend faded, he realized the pain in his lower back. He winced as the ache almost made his knees buckle under him.

''Damn! Why the hell does my back hurt so much!'' Eren said on the verge of yelling and dropping on the edge of the bed, barely keeping his sitting up position, the sheets low, barely hanging on his hips.

Reluctantly, Armin looked up, his eyes sad and eyebrows hung low. When he spoke his voice was filled with uncertainty, barely above whisper.

''You said you wanted me to get comfortable with man's body first, see how it was compared to woman's so you let me t…''

Eren muted out the last two words. This was really not happening. He was starting to think he was in some twilight zone.

''…but later you did that to me, Eren. You were very gentle; you asked me if I was ok on every step. It was just as pleasurable as when I've done you to my surprise. You really don't remember?''

Eren's eyes widened as Armin's lip quivered and eyes shined with moisture. He just started to shake his head.

''Armin, I beg you p-please say…" Eren whispered, desperately looking around the room to see his and Armin's clothes scattered around. "This is not right… We didn't. We couldn't. And you said I let you t-top me? You t-t…''

Eren's voice cracked, now for all other various reasons. He wasn't sure what to panic about first.

His hurting brain registered something quiet and he looked up.

Armin was bend down, holding his stomach as louder chuckles escaped him.

Eren stood up dumbfounded.

Soon a full blown laughter was coming out of Armin, he looked up and Eren saw his eyes sparkle with tears. Eren was either too shocked or too hung over to register the sudden change of scenery. Armin laughed for a good while as Eren just stood there, sheets loosely wrapped around his waist, on the verge of slipping off because he forgot to hang on to them.

''Oh my, I think it's enough. You looked on a verge of panic attack, Eren. Calm down Eren. We didn't do anything. But oh my, I wish I could take a picture of you right now. Your look is just priceless. Of course nothing happened you moron. And your ass hurts because you were an idiot and decided it was cool to balance yourself on the back of your sofa, standing up I might add, and of course you fell down and hit your tail bone while on the way down. Or so I think with all the whining and crying you did. It looked really painful. And you really think I would get that drunk to let it happen? Even if, you really, really think even drunk we could…" another doze of laughing. "Oh my god, Eren. But put something on, Bert stayed over you drunkard. And your shift starts in about 4-5 hours. "He started walking out and when he was almost out the door he yelled towards the living room. "Bert! I owe you a 50 man! He fell for it! But you have to wait until I get a new job.''

With a quiet plop the sheets finally slipped off Eren. The sudden cold to his lower parts snapped him out of his shock and he let out the loudest yell of irritation.

''AAAAAgh! I'll kill you for this Arlert! You're next Fuubar!''

And then he regretted it double fold, whining in pain as his head throbbed. The pain multiplied when he bent down to pick up the sheets. His back hurt even more than his head and he didn't even breach the topic why in the world he was sleeping with Armin and naked at that.

Though the pain took his mind off from the panic attack that he was indeed on the very edge off. But he had other worries on his mind. For instance not only did his best friend made a fool of him, he had a work day ahead of him with a hangover on his ass.

 

 

* * *

 

 

''Levi, earth to Levi.''

Levi looked up confused, his sight blurry from staring at the tiny letters on the stack of papers in front of him.

''Yes?''

''Not yes, I was asking you about this colour detail problem with these invitations. Twice.''

''Really?''

''Yes, really. Seriously, what's wrong with you today? Actually, what's been wrong with you this last week?''

Levi was looking past Hanji this whole time, his gaze hazy on things behind her and out the window in the conference room. He also ignored the looks he was getting from the others. He shook his head and forced himself to snap back into it.

He felt, he knew what was wrong with him, what was messing up his concentration. But he tried to tell himself otherwise, fool his brain that the thoughts that were swarming his brain as of late were not true. If only it was that easy.

He's been trying for the last week to push it all away, to convince himself he was just making things up in his mind, that those things he felt last week were not true. That what he was feeling were simple possessive feelings of a friend he made recently. Something he forgot existed, and while being quite an antisocial person, something he wasn't familiar with.

_It hasn't been a week yet. It's been six days._

A faint voice told him.

He gritted his teeth, trying with all his might to ignore it. Ignore the knowledge that he subconsciously counted how many days passed since he's last seen or spoken to him.

It was ridiculous!

Levi snapped back and looked at Hanji.

''I'm sorry. I must be tired. Let's take a half an hour break. Please leave me alone while I gather my thoughts. Petra, if you could bring me a strong cup of coffee?''

''O-of course sir!'' She was gone in an instant.

The rest got up slower and exited the room.

He might've been with his head in the clouds but he still noticed a short mean look Aurou had sent him as he was walking out of the room, the moment Petra skipped back in to hand him the coffee. He almost laughed at the irony of the situation.

In the end he couldn't get his head back in the game and Hanji called it quits an hour earlier. He protested none.

 

 

The next day was like all the other past six. If not even worse, seeing as Nile did his routine visit, which lately became more frequent because they were near the end of the project. But even Nile's not so subtle gestures and talk couldn't snap him out. He simply ignored them all; they didn't even tick him off.

He just did all he could to concentrate on his job.

Lately his work was in chaos. He really had to get it together, especially when their hopes and assumptions were correct. The word got out even more that they were doing a design for Nile's company. Their workload for the nearest year was set. Levi knew it was a crucial time to organize everything just right so his employees would feel the increase in work not only in their work hours but also in their pay checks and still have actual time to enjoy some additional cash. Organizing everything at the early stage was crucial and Levi knew it.

That was why he was squinting and grinding his teeth, anything to get his brain to work for longer than a span of ten minutes. He barely registered the last time he was this distracted.

He knew everyone could see it. Hell, if they didn't notice he would start to wonder if he was correct in hiring them if they were that dense.

''Agh!''

Levi groaned, sitting back in his chair with so much force it leaned back to frightening angles. He barely registered it as he was out of it seconds later.

''Levi?''

Right, Hanji was there with him, trying to finish that annoying schedule draft and other shit.

He had to get it together. He was furious with himself. What kind of example was he setting as a boss and the owner of the firm?!

But his stupid mind just kept telling him to go.

_I feel guilty. I just feel guilty for not settling the argument in a correct manner, that's it. I am annoyed that I keep being ignored by Eren. I hate being ignored and put off to the side._

At least that was the version he kept sticking to lately.

He needed more time, he needed something to ground him and help him put it all together inside.

 _Erwin_.

It was a sudden thought but it felt right. He needed to see him. He needed to understand whatever was going on inside. He needed the peace that room brought, peace he acknowledged with the presence of his partner, his best friend. Despite the gruesome climate of it all the room was still quiet and calmed him down deep within.

''Sorry. I have to go.''

And just like that, he walked out of his office.

Hanji looked at his disappearing back and sighed. Leaning back on the couch, a smile appeared on her face.

 

 

* * *

 

 

''Oh, Mrs. Gray you are the gift from above. I swear, I will make the biggest batch of cookies next time just for you.''

''Dear, Eren, you don't have to. It's just coffee silly boy.''

''It might be to you, but not to me today. It's a blessing. And it's not this instant shit from the automat.''

Mrs. Gray chuckled as Eren hugged the glass cup with his palms, blowing the steam and sipping it bit by bit. He was feeling sluggish, his head hurt a bit less after taking some pain killers but his stomach still did some flip flops every now and then. He'd rather not put it into too much shock. His breakfast was light as well, the courtesy of Armin and Bert; a way to apologize for their prank and to convince him to stop the pouting. Not that he was pouting in the first place. It was completely their imagination.

"Ech, kids these days. I don't know where you find the energy to party so much.''

''It wasn't a party. Just a get together at my apartment. And I swear I didn't plan to drink so much and stay up so late, not when I knew I had work the next day. But Bertholdt just had to…''

Eren turned around, the sudden feeling of being watched but there wasn't anybody there. He shrugged and turned back to Mrs. Gray who was behind her counter. He glanced at the clock. It was little before 3pm. He still had some time before his shift started.

''Bertholdt? I don't recall hearing that name.''

''Oh, he's someone I met recently through a friend of a friend. You know.''

''Oh really, now?'' Mrs. Gray leaned on the counter, putting her chin in her palms and wiggling her greying eyebrows at him. Eren chuckled at the insinuation and took another sip.

''Yeah, we went out. But it didn't go anywhere. He's the tall one you might've seen last week.''

''Oh, that hunk? And you say it didn't work out? What a pity.''

Eren laughed out a full blown laughter at the genuine disappointment in her voice. Though when his head caught up with the noise a second later he winced in pain.

''Yeah, you know it just didn't click. You don't have to look so sad about it, Mrs. Gray.''

''But I want you to be happy hun. You're a handsome, honest, courteous young man; you deserve a good man at your side. And will you stop with Mrs.? Camille, I told you Camille is just fine.''

''I don't need a man at my side to be happy, Mrs. Gray. I have my family, wonderful friends, satisfying job with great colleagues.'' He sent her a wink to which she shook her head while chuckling. ''Plus after my accident I try not to ponder about things too much. You know how it is. I am content.''

They both let it slip by that Eren completely ignored the first name calling comment.

''Yes, content. But it doesn't have to mean genuinely happy, dear. I didn't see that spark in those green orbs of yours.''

''Blame it on the hangover.''

Eren sent his biggest grin but they knew it wasn't completely honest.

''Speaking of which. Are you sure you can work today?''

''Yeah, I checked my blood just in case downstairs. Twice. Clear zero. I am just a bit sluggish but after your coffee I am certain it will pass soon enough.''

''I hope so Eren. But speaking of sparks, you know what makes your eyes sparkle lately?''

Eren tiled his head to the side in confusion, putting the empty cup on the counter.

"When you mention that man, one with the raven hair. A little on the short side but very handsome nevertheless I might add. The one that comes here to v…''

''Oh my, would you look at the time?! I have to go and get my sorry ass to work. Thank you again for the coffee.''

Eren started taking steps back and away from the counter, sending uncomfortable and very fake smiles Mrs. Gray's way. She wasn't fooled and only shook her head.

''That sorry and sexy ass needs to get laid, Eren. Maybe then you would be perkier.''

Eren gaped at her for a long moment, his jaw almost at his feet while his brain processed what he just heard. When it finally managed to do that much he felt his cheeks burn.

''Mrs. Gray!'' He almost squealed in disbelief.

''Come on, Eren. I may be old but I am in no way a prude.''

She sent him her own wink, took his cup and walked into the room behind her.

He stood there for another moment in disbelief then chuckled and went on his way to get to work.

 

 

 

Levi walked into the room as fast as he could, trying his hardest not to make too much noise.

What exactly was he doing? Hiding? Sneaking behind Eren's back? Hoping he wasn't noticed? And what for?

Like hell he'd know.

He took off his jacket with maybe just a little too much force and hung it along with his scarf and gloves.

The damn weather was getting ridiculously cold. Something he loathed with passion. He was short and compact-like. Yes, sometimes even he was willing to admit it. He might be almost pure muscle but for the life of him his body did not know how to store heat. He hated the cold, he hated the need to put on an extra layer when winter neared, he hated feeling like a snowball with all the clothes on and he hated procrastinating whatever it was that he had to deal with considering Eren.

He was agitated a lot lately. He hated that too!

Agh, so much hating was going on in his head for a while now and he knew perfectly well only he could deal with it. He knew he should sit down and get it all together in his head once and for all.

He knew all that.

And so what?

He still ignored it and dug his grave deeper and deeper with each day.

He slumped on the chair, let out a big puff of air and looked at the man before him. And slowly his features eased up, his brows untangled and his shoulders slumped, relaxed and tired.

It was beyond words how much he wanted to ask Erwin for advice at the moment. He was certain the blond would help him figure it all out in his own way. He would ask Levi millions of questions, of how he felt and thought about different things, guide him to what he actually wanted and help him find the answer inside him without actually giving one piece of advice.

He would always say that people knew what they craved and wanted deep within, only sometimes, they needed a little help from others finding it.

Levi recalled getting pissed off times and times again at this roundabout and long way of Erwin helping him, not that he often asked for help straight up. He remembered gritting his teeth and groaning in agitation. He'd grumble for the stick in the mud to say things straight up and get it over with it only to have Erwin smile that smile of his and go on with it in his own, weird way.

Sometimes Levi would leave in the middle of those lectures as he'd like to call them. But even then he would always end up thinking over whatever Erwin told him. It helped most of the time. Again, not that Levi ever admitted that to his blond partner. But the smug look Erwin would carry later on showed Levi that he knew. Erwin always knew things. Plus Levi had his own ways of showing thanks. Erwin knew of that as well.

Levi didn't even realize he dozed off on the memory lane for so long. When he glanced at the clock he was shocked to see it was after 5pm.

And he still had to do what he came here for.

Gather his thoughts and feelings and get everything together, decide what to do.

First things first. Why the hell was he so agitated lately about Eren? Yes, he was a little pissed off to be dismissed so many times lately by him. Especially when he was trying to do things that were out of character for him, which was show remorse and apologize for being a dick. He tended not to care, especially towards people he knew for so little.

Then why was Eren different? What did that green-eyed brat had to make Levi _want_ to show he was sorry; to see him smile that goofy grin of his and say it was really ok. Not that awkward _thing_ Eren did two weeks ago when they apologized hastily. What was it about him? Levi didn't know. He was just certain there was this _something_ bugging and nudging him, pushing him to act differently.

Was it because Eren was the first person he met around the time he made the decision to live again? To move forward with his life despite Erwin's condition? Maybe his subconscious treated Eren as an anchor of this resolution? If he'd let them just grown apart, let this fresh acquaintance fade would his resolve would grow weaker as well?

So many questions to which Levi had no answers.

The only thing he was certain of was that he didn't want this thing, whatever he had with Eren, whether you call it acquaintance or beginning of a friendship, to end just yet. He felt it still had somewhere to go. When he thought of letting it be like he usually did, allowing it to disappear naturally, something tinged inside him. Told him no, not yet. That this one time he wanted to put in just a bit more effort. Something pushed him forward. What? Again, he was not sure.

Some faint voice told him what it might be but it was still too quiet, too weak to catch his attention.

 

After about another hour and a half in Erwin's room, holding his hand and absentmindedly petting it with his thumb, something he found soothing and calming, he had no more answers than he did when he'd first walked inside.

Or more like rushed inside, he told himself, still remembering how he was on the verge of calling Eren when he noticed his back, talking to the lady at the desk on this floor. Also how he stopped in mid word the moment he heard what they were talking about, heard the name that agitated him for some reason. And then before he knew it, he shut his mouth and sprinted here. He hoped the whole walk here that Eren hadn't noticed him.

Another thing he was confused about. Here had been his chance to talk to the brat yet he ran. Because that was what he did, no denying it. He ran at the prospect that he would be dismissed again, that once more he would hear that Eren was busy.

''Gosh, this brat is getting to me, Erwin!''

He whined out laud, first words spoken ever since he entered the room.

He put Erwin's hand down and under the covers. He had his hands free so the obvious thing to do then was to run them angrily through his hair. He always did it even though afterwards he would get angry about how it didn't want to go back to the way it should.

What was it about Eren, about his personality, about his eyes or his smile, his light way of being yet the ability to have serious and very interesting conversations, about Eren in general that made Levi… What did it make him? He couldn't even word that behaviour or feeling. It made him _feel_. As funny as it may sound, he had realized he forgot how that was. To feel, well, _anything_. He was in such a limbo for so long it now weighted down on him to come out of it. And now all the emotions crumbled down on him, good and bad, it hit hard and dead on.

And it was all because of him, he suddenly realized. Eren was the first one to put a hole in his wall without realizing it. Call it coincidence with the timing he popped into his life but by some twisted fate Eren was there at the right moment. With all the pushing and pulling and the stubborn way that he was, Eren jabbed and kicked something inside him. Then came Hanji with her lecture and preaching, shoving in his face just how miserable he was. Then Eren did some more nudging and now here he was, bare and naked.

But he was content. He was glad to be in this point of emotional stage. Once more he felt the need and the want to move forward. Was it the reason he couldn't leave Eren be? No. That wasn't right. He didn't _want_ to leave Eren be.

He had lots of 'wants' lately but so little 'whys'.

And of course he had no more time to ponder; he's already been sitting there for about 3 hours, not like he hadn't had the chance to, but then the door opened. Levi had no need to turn around, he was almost certain who it was that walked in.

Of course his fears or maybe his hopes, he wasn't sure, were confirmed when Eren's posture came into his view. Levi looked up at the kid. Something twitched inside him when he was greeted with the usual smile. He suddenly realized he missed seeing those whites shining at him.

''Hi, Levi. Didn't notice you came in.''

''Hello, Eren. I came by when you were talking to the lady at the front desk. Didn't want to interrupt your conversation.''

''Oh.''

Eren's face looked as if it was doing some heavy pondering but Levi put that thought aside and they went about their usual routine. Levi remained sitting while Eren did his work. Silence fell upon them and Levi was amazed once more how comfortable it was. When some time later Eren was done he stood by the bed and Levi looked at him once more. Eren had to turn on more lights to actually do his work, so now Levi has noticed the heavy bags under his eyes and overall paleness to his usual warm-toned skin.

''I see somebody's looking like shit today.''

Those words escaped him before he could stop it. But it seemed Eren was more than acquainted with his way of being and smiled at him.

''Don't say. It's a hangover. I did it to myself so I guess I deserve to look like shit as you said.''

''Drinking? During the week? That's youth for you I guess.''

''Come on. I am only a little younger than you. Or is it how much older you are than me a sour spot for you?'' Then he had the nerve to stick his tongue out at Levi.

''Ugh, brat.'' Levi spat out, sending half assed glare. ''But I guess I deserve than one. Who'd you party with?''

''Why does everybody assume it was a party! It was a small get together. There was not that many of us. Just me, Armin, Bertholdt…''

Levi zoned out. Why did he even ask when he already knew?

''… And it was supposed to be Jean and Marco, but they didn't show up for some reason. But then Ymir just had to see that stupid game. And Bertholdt…''

Levi snapped back, seeing as at some point his eyes went off Eren and was gazing off to nowhere. It seemed Eren had noticed that and his ranting also faded out. He smiled shyly, put his hand on the back of his neck as his eyes looked away from Levi.

''Right, I am going overboard again. Sorry. I have to get back to work anyway. See you around Levi.''

And then the short illusion that it was okay between them was lifted. Levi realized there was still some tension floating around. That comfortable silence was just momentary. Levi gritted his teeth, pissed off at this weird air between them, angry how Eren avoided his gaze, how he himself wasn't sure what to say, how his hand itched to stop Eren as he made his way out of the room. He was furious how the door opened and then closed while he didn't move nor speak.

He fidgeted in the chair, huffing and puffing, hastily trying to comprehend what just happened. Why did he stay glued to his chair, why did hearing that name once more annoyed the life out of him and why the hell did it sadden him to have Eren's eyes refusing to meet his?

And then Levi was standing up seconds later, some unknown force practically showing him out of that chair. He stormed his way to the door, grabbed the handle and was already pushing it down to walk out when something stopped him. He slowly backed his hand away and simply stood there, his hand hovering over the door handle while he turned his head around.

Levi looked back at Erwin, his sleeping face and then his throat tightened. He closed his eyes as he took a very deep breath, still hanging in between. His hand shook in mid air, something fighting inside him. He didn't know what it was; he wanted to go after Eren, simple as that but…

There was some kind of 'however' making the simple gesture of putting his hands down very difficult, it weighted down on him.

And then something snapped or clicked inside him, he wasn't sure, and pushed his hand down. He turned his head around and seconds later he was out that room. He didn't know why, but somewhere in the back of his head he was apologizing. To whom, he wasn't sure.


	16. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The soothing touch of another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say sorry for the delay but I won't. It might seem mean to some but at this point where I am right now one chapter a month or so is all I can offer. They are much longer than at the beginning so I hope that makes it up in some way. I know I was thinking of giving you parts of the chapter but I tried to do so but when it came to 'cutting' it and looking at the possible part to post it just didn't sit right with me. It felt as if I was trying to give you something _unfinished_ and I do not want to do that. I hope that this much I can post once a month will be enough.
> 
> On more happier note, once more I want to thank my **wonderful** betas! And I think I will do so every time, they both are just to die for! [Tiny-Heichou](http://tiny-heichou.tumblr.com/) and [Maboroshinokokoro](http://maboroshinokokoro.tumblr.com/) thank you loads! Lucy you take care of your health and get better soon! And Tiny: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! once again! Treat this chapter as a belated birthday present :D  
> [My tumblr](http://darkshadekristen.tumblr.com)

Moron.

Baka!

Why was he even using phrases from a freaking manga?!

That's right.

Because there were too little insults in English that could begin to describe his stupidity!

And he's gone through this before, hasn't he?

What was the reason back then? Who cared? Fact remained that he was an utter and complete idiot. Who the hell was telling himself just a couple of hours ago that he should put some distance between him and Levi? That he needed to catch some perspective and begin to look at Levi as a friend. He was a new person in his life, somebody that he didn't want to lose but had no chance and no right to get closer to.

Guess all that remained in theory. Practice was much harder.

The moment Eren saw Levi, his chest tightened in a sadistically pleasant way; his heart skipped a beat, or maybe three, who counted, when grey eyes met his and his stomach did a series of somersaults the moment he heard that low, sensual voice. It didn't matter that Levi simply answered to his greeting; hearing it was enough to make him think that the light breakfast he had might be too light and come back the way it came.

He was a lost cause and now he was even more certain of it.

And he just had to make the same mistake as the last time. He had to open his big mouth and start his usual yapping, pissing Levi off once more. He was a moron to the tenth power and disrupted his peaceful time once more, the very thing that brought on the argument Eren was hoping was behind them already. But he figured out that he was mistaken. He saw that anger in Levi's eyes the moment he went on rambling about the party, Armin, Bert and all the rest. He was sure the grey orbs went darker with annoyance and he was simply too stupid to stop himself. His big mouth would be the end of him one day. Or at least it would be the end of any kind of future relationship he wanted with Levi.

But another problem remained. He wasn't supposed to be chit chatting with him in the first place!

Distance Jaeger! Distance!

Maybe that concept was too much to grasp for his tiny, stupid brain.

UGH!

And he was putting himself down again! Another problem of his. He was pissed, miserable and disappointed. All those emotions inside him and each one just as strong as the other.

But he also felt something else.

A sensation of lack of hope.

How could he tell himself to get over his feelings whilst ever since he started to try to move on, something completely different has happened? The feelings have grown in strength.

He had realized that lately he's seen less of Levi, something that should've done some good for his heart with letting go, but today he grasped that something entirely opposite has happened. When he saw Levi he thought of only one thing – how much he's missed him, how much he wanted to talk to him or maybe enjoy the silence with a warm beverage in hand. _Anything_ that would allow him to spend some time with the raven. He longed for everything he shouldn't with ferocity unknown to him.

It scared yet excited him.

Once more, something that should **not** be happening to him deep inside, in his very core, in his heart and mind, was consuming him.

And he was starting to accept that maybe he was beyond turning back. It didn't matter how short he knew Levi or how little he knew about him. In that small amount of time his heart decided to surrender itself to the grump completely, and it all happened when he wasn't looking.

And it was oh so wrong of him to allow it to get to that point. He let something happen that was on the verge of _forbidden._ It was wrong and straight up disgusting. He was longing for Levi in ways he shouldn't, that much was obvious, but another part of him, the filthiest one, was coming up with ways to make Levi fall for him, steal him from somebody who couldn't even fight for what was rightfully his. Eren felt low, the foul taste filling his mouth, making him cringe at how of a selfish and terrible person he was.

It was wrong of him to want something this badly. He knew it all; he realized all those things times and times again yet nothing changed. He felt so helpless unable to will his heart to stop caring all the while knowing how unbecoming it was.

So now he was standing outside of the room, Levi's _life partner's_ hospital room, fist squeezed tightly, and right after he managed to piss Levi off – again. Maybe it was for the better. Maybe this time he would get mad beyond hope and that would be it? It would be easier that way, wouldn't it? All job done by him and Eren wouldn't have the dilemma of 'go or stay' anymore.

That way would be easier. That way was right.

So Eren took a step but his heart tightened and he cringed in pain.

If it was supposed to be easier then why did each subsequent step he took hurt even more? But he had to do it, he _would_ do it.

And so he walked, hoping it was just his imagination that the pain wasn't as great as it seemed that he was just exaggerating. He wasn't interested in anyone for so long, so the first time after such interval made things seem worse than they were.

With that in mind Eren managed to walk away from that room. Certain that he would succeed in letting go this time.

 

* * *

 

Levi walked swiftly out of the room, looked to both sides in search of Eren. Luck was on his side because he saw him instantly; that broad back dressed in dark blue catching his eyes at once. He must have been walking slowly because he wasn't all that far away, Levi needn't even run after him.

He didn't call out to him, just approached him and grabbed his shoulder to catch his attention. It seemed Eren has been in deep thought as he jumped up in surprise when he'd felt Levi's hand. The moment Eren's eyes met Levi's they widened in shock.

 

 

Eren took slow steps, his mind in a daze, thinking about everything and nothing in particular, a distant echo in his head whispering _''let_ _go''._

That's what he's gonna do, he told himself. He was already doing it.

Then why did he feel a firm grip on his shoulder all of a sudden and somebody turning him around? And why did he face _that_ person? His eyes met grey ones; here, right in front of him was _the_ source of his inner turmoil. And why for goodness' sake did his heart feel lighter all of a sudden, his body warmed up at the place Levi's hand remained while eyes stayed glued to Levi's?

His throat felt dry, preventing him to speak and ask why Levi was here. Was he so mad at Eren that he was still not done reprimanding him? Did he come to tell him he wished for him to stop bothering him?

All swarm of thoughts went through Eren's head instantly, all negative.

So he stayed on his spot, looking at Levi while neither of them spoke.

 

 

Levi kept his hand on Eren's shoulder, the position just on the verge of uncomfortable because of their height difference, while his mind processed his impulsive action.

He wasn't one to seek excessive human contact, on the contrary, he preferred when people kept the appropriate distance with him. Yet he was standing in front of Eren, the space between them that of the length of his arm. And nothing in the back of his head was screaming 'move away' like it always did with others. Only exceptions were Hanji, Erwin and Mike.

Levi's mind might've pondered on the topic longer but then he noticed Eren eyeing his hand, which was very much still on his shoulder, and it hit him. The brat might be the one that felt uncomfortable with how familiar Levi was acting.

Instantly he retracted his hand and took an additional step back.

 

 

Eren stayed silent, the immoral side of him enjoying the proximity of their bodies and the pleasant warmth Levi's hand sent to his skin. He eyed it discreetly, amazed that for such a short person, Levi's hands were quite large. But not in the frightening way, not in the least. Eren was hit with the sudden feeling of safety that these hands might bring, if only they'd wrap around him. How delicate that palm felt despite the firm grip Levi had on his shoulder and how his mind formed pictures of his own fingers intertwining with Levi's.

But then the hand was gone and the distance between their bodies widened. Eren looked back to Levi, who was now few steps away, his hand gone as well as that warmth, leaving behind a chilly shiver.

He must've noticed Eren's stare which seemed to have made him feel uncomfortable.

Eren also felt uneasy but with how easily his mind lost its resolve and wondered the forbidden paths. He was so weak.

 

 

They eyed each other for a moment but suddenly Levi felt how ridiculous this situation was and decided to speak up. Of course it just happened to be at the same moment Eren spoke up as well.

Levi's ''Let's have a drink'' was almost muted with Eren's ''I am sorry, please don't be mad.''

Both men looked at each other in confusion.

''Huh?'' Levi spoke, eye brows raised high.

''D-drink?''

Levi felt, as the older one, he should explain himself first.

''I want to get a drink with you, you brat. What's confusing about that? And what am I supposed to be mad about?''

Eren blinked stupidly, his mouth opening and closing, most probably reminding of a fish out of the water. He swallowed the excessive spit in his mouth and finally spoke.

''It's not important anymore. B-but drink? Why do you want to have a drink with me?''

Levi looked away, maybe in shame, maybe in embarrassment, he wasn't certain.

''It's still about that fight, isn't it?'' Eren enquired.

Eren was so confused about what he felt at that thought. Levi still wanted to make it up to him, Levi felt sorry and wanted to apologize. Not that he didn't do so already. Not that he actually needed to.

But he wanted to and he offered to have a drink with Eren.

The warmth was back, now it originated in the pit of his stomach, spreading all throughout his body.

''But Levi, I thought we agreed we were both wrong and were ok. You don't need to…''

''You wanna or not, brat?''

_Nicer, Levi, just a tad nicer wouldn't hurt._

Levi reprimanded himself in his head.

''I'd…'' Eren started but then something flashed in his mind. ''I can't.'' And the warmth was gone once Eren remembered something.

''You can't?'' Levi asked in shock before he could zip his mouth shut.

"I'm sorry. I have something to do after work.''

''Oh, you're going out again, huh?'' Levi spit back quietly.

Once more, Levi's mouth spoke by itself.

''Huh? Wha… No. I have to pick Titan up from my parents'. He's been there the whole week. And what do you mean 'again'? I don't und…''

''Never mind that."

Levi's short anger that bloomed at the prospect of being brushed off once more gone. There was tiny hope and he was going to seize it.

''Well, are you doing anything after?''

''No, I am not, but it might be late when I get back. I finish my shift at 10 and then the way to and back from my parents' might take a while so…''

''No problem. How about I drive you, we get the mutt and then have a drink?''

Eren did another series of fish impersonations which made Levi a little uncertain.

''I mean, unless you don't want to or wanna go to sl…''

''I want to!'' Eren suddenly exclaimed and made Levi jump up in surprise.

''I wanna.'' Eren added, this time quietly. ''But it's only…''

''No worry. I'll go home, change and pick you up. Good? Good.''

And this time it was Levi's turn to pull a disappearing act on Eren, who seemed to have some major case of hazy mind today as he progressed things slowly, very slowly.

And then the headache hit him. Very slowly he began to remember about that awful hangover.

But that didn't matter. He was going to spend some time with Levi. Levi asked him out to get a drink. A night out with Levi.

Levi going with him to his parents.

A low groan escaped Eren's lips.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

''How exactly did you plan on getting to your parents' and back with that mutt, when their house is all the way in Trost?''

''Come on. It's not _that_ far away. It would take me max an hour to get there and back.''

''Yeah. If you ran the whole way, you dumbass.''

Eren looked away from Levi as his face got a bit warm around the cheeks. It was because of slight embarrassment he felt at being mocked. he told himself.

''Well, I was actually planning on having a small jog back with Titan. The winter weather always gets to him and he's very lazy when it gets cold. He tends to put on excessive weight so some exercise wouldn't be too bad for him.''

He mumbled as he stared outside.

''I would agree. If it was daytime, summer or at least spring. Not 10:20 at night and in _winter_? But I guess nothing beats a midnight jog, I say.''

''Are you being sarcastic?''

Eren puffed out and forced himself to look back at Levi. Levi's both hands, covered by dark brown leather gloves, firmly grabbed the steering wheel as his head landed there as well. They were waiting for the light to turn green.

Levi laid his head on the side, avoiding pressing the horn, and looked at Eren.

''Me? I wouldn't _dare_ to do that.''

Of course sarcasm was dripping off every word. Eren stuck his tongue out as an only response.

''Very mature, brat.''

The light turned green and Levi continued driving as silence befell once more.

Eren tried to keep his eyes focused on the outside scenery, but kept glancing to the side despite himself. He always saw Levi after work. He wasn't walking around in a suit yet was always dressed smart; button ups, sometimes suit pants instead of dark jeans, hair without a strand sticking out. Neat and professional. Even to the party he was somewhat dressed up, albeit it was a simple black polo shirt and matching black pants, it was still honed.

So the picture Eren was presented with when he walked out of the hospital and to the parking space was a surprise. He begged whatever deity that existed to help him keep his emotions under control when he saw Levi leaning on the side of his car wearing worn out navy jeans that should be illegal in the way they fit tightly on Levi's thin but muscled legs. He also wore a simple winter leather jacket that he kept unbuttoned which showed Eren he had a plain zip-up red hoodie. His hair also looked a little of out sorts. When they got inside the car and Eren caught a small whiff of Levi's scent, by accident of course, he smelled shampoo and aftershave. It meant Levi took a quick shower and his hair glistened, still slightly damp.

The whole picture made Eren swallow harder on more than one occasion. Neat and precise Levi was sexy and alluring, but the version that was next to him wasn't so bad either. It gave off a laid back, comfortable vibe of some kind. And even despite his somewhat out of sorts look it was still Levi - casual but tidy and pristine. Eren had suspicions even in thorn up pants and a worn out shirt Levi would still look good and attractive.

That is why the ride to his parents seemed to drag on as he fought his primal urges to simply stare at Levi with occasional sniffs of the air.

The fact that the car has warmed up inside and Levi zipped down his sweatshirt didn't help at all. It revealed he had a simple white t-shirt underneath with a low v-neck. Those collarbones **_would_** be the end of Eren.

The whole ordeal even took his mind off of quite an important fact – that Levi was going to meet his parents. Eren knew the situation was quite different than it might sound at first but it was still kind of scary.

But somehow he survived, gaping at Levi when he wasn't looking only few times and withholding back completely on the smelling, and they were parked in front of his house.

''Get the furball, I'll wait.'' Levi said, turning off the car as Eren unbuckled his seatbelt.

''No. I can't make you wait in the car.''

''Don't worry about it. How long can it take?''

''Um, actually I dunno.''

''How so?'' Levi raised his eyebrows in question.

''Well it's hard to explain.'' Eren got out of the car and leaned down to look back into it. ''Come on in with me.''

''There's no need. Go by…''

''I cannot. One – I don't want you waiting in the car. Two – my mom will come out to get you either way when she hears somebody who drove me here is waiting in the freezing car.''

''Come on, I have this thing called heating and…''

''You _really_ wanna see who's more stubborn?'' Eren sent Levi a quick grin.

Levi groaned and with a last sigh, he accepted his defeat as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

Soon the both of them were in front of double oak door.

''Your parents are loaded.'' Levi muttered as he looked around at the big ass entrance.

The path leading to the entrance wasn't short either. The front yard had neat cut down grass, the stone path that lead to the porch was lined neatly trimmed, knee length bushes and also had ground lights that emanated just the right amount of light to walk comfortably. There was a big oak tree on one side of the path while the other had a small water hole surrounded by all kinds of fauna. The base of the porch as well as the other side of the house had small bushes that Levi figured would be blossoming flowers if it wasn't for the season, but now were bare branches. The house itself had two stories, two-car garage and Levi also noticed what seemed to be an attic floor. He also noticed a stone path on one side of the house that he predicted was leading to the backyard.

Eren rang the doorbell and looked back at the shorter guy.

"Like you're one to talk. Your house isn't bad either. Plus your neighborhood isn't that far from here.''

''Yes, I am well off. This house here is…'' Levi let out a whistle.

Eren shook his head while rolling his eyes. He looked back to the door as they waited.

''Well, my dad is a surgeon on a very high position so he has loads of money. Plus my mom…UFF!''

Whatever Eren wanted to say was left unfinished as the door opened and something small, yet forceful ran into his lower half. He was forced to take few steps back as Levi looked wide eyed.

Eren started laughing as he tried to pry off something that had loads of black hair and seemed to be speaking, but the noise was muffled by Eren's thighs.

''Come on, Kiri. Let my legs go or I can't go in.''

''Eren, hun why did you wait? You know it is your house there's no need…''

Levi looked back to the door where the new voice was coming from. He was faced with an older, female version of Eren. The only difference, beside obvious feminine features, was the eyes. While Eren's were deep, emerald green, a color Levi refused to accept he was fascinated with, hers were of warm brown shade. Full and big, showing little surprise when faced with Levi.

''Oh, hello there.''

Levi barely registered background noise, but it seemed Eren finally rescued his legs from the hairy monster that leaped at him and was now holding it in his arms, the big bush of dark hair hidden in the crook of his neck.

''Oh, sorry mom. This here is Levi. He gave me a ride, that way it's gonna be easier for me to get Titan back home.''

A tiny whine escaped the creature that was in Eren's hands. Eren smiled to it and petted the mop of long locks.

''Hello, Mr. Levi. I am obviously Eren's mom. Carla Jaeger.''

Levi extended his hand to meet hers and shook it.

''Hello, Mrs. Jaeger. But please, Levi will suffice.''

She smiled at him and instantly Levi thought of Eren. It was the same warm and gentle smile that lit up her face, making it look at least 10 years younger. Not that she looked old. She looked amazingly young for someone's mom but that Jaeger smile did miracles. It made Levi want to smile as well and that was one miracle already.

''Oh my, how polite. Well ok, but Carla will be ok as well?''

Levi nodded.

And then he heard another mumble of words and looked at Eren.

He was smiling and whispering. When he finished he looked back to Levi. He must've noticed his confusion and spoke up.

"Right, sorry. Forgot to mention. This jumble of limbs here is my little sister, Kieran. Come on Kiri, say hi? This is my friend, Levi.''

There was a quiet mumble but then the child, Levi reprimanded himself for calling her per creature in his mind, turned and faced Levi.

If Eren's mother looked a lot like Eren this small thing was a copy of him almost to the smallest detail. Including the eyes this time. They were just as green and just as piercing as Eren's. Little too big for her tiny face, but Levi figured it was a rule that kids were always disproportional. Her small button nose was scrunched and her eyebrows furrowed in thought. The big fuzz off hair around her head seemed to the have the life of its own, and unlike Eren's and his mother's, they were the darkest shade of black. The unruly yet organized look of those locks was another thing similar to Eren.

The similarity of these two siblings was the only curious things that made Levi forget about one small but how important detail – he couldn't stand kids. And this one didn't look older than three.

But that wasn't the biggest problem here.

Kids had the tendency to not like him right back. It was as if he was sending this weird and awkward vibe and their small empathic brains caught that wave. They either kicked him, made face at him or in worse case scenarios cried when they saw him. The last one was always the worst. If he had no idea how to deal with small kids, give him a crying one and he went into a panic mode.

So Levi stood there, eyeing the girl in Eren's arms while her piercing green eyes did the same to him. Whatever she was keenly thinking about seemed to click in her mind as she spoke.

''Lebai? That's a siwwy name. And you'we kinda showt. Ewen, you have kid fwends?''

She looked back at her brother while Levi stood in shock. He looked at Eren and almost huffed in anger. The little shit was biting his lip and holding back laughter, his face darker shades of red with every passing moment because of lack of air.

The small Jaeger looked back at him and tilted her head.

''How owd awe you?''

Levi took a deep breath.

''Actually I am older than your brother here. And isn't Kieran a boy's name?'' Levi spoke before thinking.

Of course he was stupid enough to start arguing with a kid. Kieran puffed and suddenly her face formed into a pout.

Oh, how similar those siblings were.

"No, it is not! Eren says it a beautiful name and he gave me a ni-ni…He calls me Kiri! It's pwetty!''

She let out a last huff and hid her face in Eren's neck.

This time Eren started laughing and Levi caught Carla chuckling as well. Oh, now he blew it.

''My, my. But let's get in already. It's cold.'' Carla spoke, extending her arm in a welcoming gesture.

''Me too?'' Levi asked stupidly.

''Of course, why wouldn't you go in?''

''Um well…'' He gazed at Eren and the small one.

''Come on, Levi. Don't worry about it.''

And they went inside. Carla led Levi into what turned out to be a cozy kitchen. Levi was pleasantly surprised that despite the large size of the house it had a very homey feeling; the walls in light shades of pastels, the furniture styled somewhere between modern and old style. He hadn't much time to look around but he felt Carla's touch inside. Just like the woman that greeted him with an affectionate smile and now hot cup of tea, the house inside was inviting and heart-warming.

Levi sat at the kitchen table, cup in his hands, waiting for Eren to come back. The younger man was dragged away by hand the moment he let his little sister down. The short moment where Levi saw her and she caught his eyes she stuck her tongue out and then dashed off with Eren. Levi shall remain silent whether or not he stuck his own tongue back when Carla wasn't looking.

''Relax Levi, Eren will be right back. I bet Kieran is showing her new collections of… Oh god knows what it was this time. But it must be something from the house this time as she was stuck sick the whole week.''

Levi only nodded, slightly uncomfortable. Let's face it. He wasn't one for socializing, especially with someone's mom. Not that he had many chances to meet anybody's ''parents''.

Thankfully, he was saved when Eren entered the kitchen with his sister in front of him. Levi noticed how she was less energetic now and fumbling with something in her hands. But what surprised him was that she walked straight up to him, with few encouraging nudges from Eren along the way. He said nothing, not that he would know what to, when she stood by his side. He heard her take deep breaths and the she finally looked up.

''Um I am weely sowy fow callin you, um, not tall.'' Levi held back in a snicker. It was as if she didn't want to say the word ''short'' again. ''Ewen said it was not nice just like when Tristan pulls my haiw. I don't waik that at all.''

Levi swallowed deeply and begged not to come out as a moron that cannot interact with kids once more.

''No problem, kid. And forget what I said before. You have a very pretty name. It's unique.''

The smile that lit up her face almost blinded him. Once again he was faced with that Jaeger grin. Before he knew it, she was hugging his abdomen and then shoving something into his hands. Then, once more a Jaeger move was pulled on him, and she disappeared. He blinked a few times, convincing himself his cheeks didn't feel warm and then looked at the item in his hands. It seemed to be some kind of bracelet. It had blue and purple beads and an awkward ribbon at the end that was supposed to be a decoration or so much Levi assumed. He started at the obviously child made thing and didn't even realize as a small smile broke through his facade.

''Somebody got embarrassed.''

Levi looked up quickly as Eren sing-like spoke those words. He squinted at him but otherwise did not respond. A quiet chuckle suddenly reminded Levi that Carla was sitting next to him.

''Come on, Eren. Sit down. Tell me a little how's life. You barely come home these days. And how do you know this lovely young man here?''

Eren sat down in front of them and took the cup with warm tea that Carla handed to him.

''Been busy mom, you know how winter tends to be.''

''Yes, but that was when you still worked at ER. But now…''

"I help out at the ER randomly; catch some extra shifts when I can. Always can use some extra cash, you know.''

''ER? Dear, are you sure it's…''

''It's fine mom. Speaking of which, where's dad?''

''Gone for the weekend. Had some kind of conference…''

''Yeah, yeah. Europe, Asia, that sort of thing, I know. Gosh, what is that devil incarnate doing this time? She is gone a long time.''

''She mumbled something about Titan before she went dashing.''

Carla and Eren look at Levi, who was the one that spoke.

''Oh, he was sleeping in the living room last time I checked. She probably…''

Whatever it was that Carla wanted to say was interrupted when two masses ran through the other entrance than the one Levi entered through; it seemed to be leading to some sort of living or dining room.

Kieran went straight to Eren, who picked her up and set her on his lap and Titan, to Levi's surprise, ran to him and set his muzzle on his thigh, demanding to be scratched.

Levi sighed and obliged.

''Oh, you know Titan? Titan, can we like Mistew Levi here?'' Kieran spoke as she jumped up and down on Eren's lap.

Levi didn't know if it was coincidence or what, but just at that moment Titan decided to lick his hand. He cringed and retreated it.

''Ok! Then we wike him. Oh, Ewen Ewen!'' It seemed her span of concentration was that of other kids – very short – and Levi was already forgotten and she was looking back at Eren.

Eren hummed in response.

''Pway with me, I got this…''

''Now, now young lady. We had an agreement. You wait until Eren gets here and I've let you, even though it's way past your bed time but now off to bed''

''But mooooom.'' She whined but Carla shook her head.

''Not buts. We play fair, right?''

Small Jaeger version sighed but nodded.

''What do you say I read you to sleep?'' Eren asked and her face lit up instantly.

Eren looked back to Levi.

''Don't worry. I'll wait.''

''Thank you.''

And once more Levi was left with Eren's mom alone and an awkward silence fell.

"So, Levi, how did you meet my son?''

''In the hospital where he works.''

''Oh my, I hope it wasn't you that needed to be hospitalized."

''No, it's… it's somebody I know."

''Oh, that's good but bad at the same time. But may I ask what might you do for a living?''

''Um I…'' This was starting to feel like some kind of interrogation.

''Oh, I guess this does seem like I am questioning you. Sorry.''

''No problem, ma'am. I own a small design firm.''

''That sounds interesting. Such a young man and already owns his own business. And stop with the ma'am, Levi. Please.''

''Oh, I am not that young. I am 6 year older than Eren. I'm 33.''

Carla looked genuinely surprised.

''I would never guess, I swear. Do you know each other with Eren for long?''

"Actually not really. It would be about two and a half months or around that.''

''Hmm. It is not too long. But enough with my interrogation. I wonder what is taking Eren so long; I was sure Kiri would be a goner the moment her head hit the pillow. Excuse me for a moment.''

She got up and exited the room. Levi looked back down to Titan who was lying next to him. He thought he was sleeping, but when Levi moved to lean back on the chair the dog picked his head up and bore his brown orbs into his. Levi sighed and petted his thigh to make him come. Seconds later he had a thigh full of his muzzle as he scratched Titan behind his ear.

''But no licking this time, you dumb mutt.''

Titan only burrowed his nose deeper under Levi's hoodie. He was glad he had a shirt underneath or his stomach would be met with a cold and wet nose.

He was absentmindedly scratching the almost asleep dog when Eren's mom re-entered the kitchen. She was holding in her laughter. Levi raised his eyebrows in confusion. He was sure she would come back with Eren.

''Oh, my. Levi, I think you should see this. Please, come with me?''

Levi, although reluctantly and with no idea why, followed the older woman.

They walked inside a dining room that then transitioned into a living room. It had a set of a leather couch and two side love seats, a small fireplace on the opposite. It was cozy and homey like rest of the house but also messy. It had toys all over the place, some DVDs and CDs next to the TV and also a large, dark blue play pen in the very middle.

''I am sorry for the mess, Kieran was sick the whole week and she wanted to stay downstairs because my husband doesn't like to let the dog go upstairs. That's why Titan was here the whole week, she whined about wanting him near her. She loves that gentle giant and of course Eren obliged her.''

''Don't worry ma'…Carla. But what am I supposed to see?''

''Oh right!'' She walked up to the playpen and looked inside. ''Look inside.'' She whispered.

Levi walked quietly up to it. It was a really large playpen, with dark blue material all around it and directly standing on the floor. It had no legs. Which seconds later Levi figured was a blessing because otherwise they would break under the weight of Eren and his sister inside.

Inside, the pen was filled with lots of blankets and pillows which made it comfortable for the two siblings. Both of whom were pleasantly sleeping. Kieran seemed to have changed into some baby blue pajamas, which Levi noticed because she kicked off half her blanket. Eren was lying next to her, her small hand in his as he snoozed. Levi looked closely and realized his earlier assumption was wrong. She didn't kick off her blanket, but tried to cover her brother with it. It was lying on Eren's upper body. Eren chose that moment to snuggle closer to her, burrowing her closer under his chin.

Levi literally bit his tongue to hold back any comments or any kind of other verbal reaction that might've wanted to escape him. The sight before him was, dare his mind use the forbidden word, _adorable_. He felt Carla eyeing him as he watched two siblings but couldn't help himself. He reached inside his pocket, took out his phone, and after making sure it was on silent, he took a photo of what was before him.

Levi looked back to Carla, sure she would scold him, hell, he wasn't even sure himself why he followed that sudden urge, but she was smiling at him.

''You have to send it to me later.'' She whispered to him.

Levi did everything to keep his facial expression normal and nodded.

''Now, let's go. I'll make us another cup of tea and let the older one sleep a little longer, what do you say?''

''Oh, I don't know. It's quite late I wouldn't want to…''

''Oh, stop it.''

And then she literally dragged him by his arm back to the kitchen. At least now Levi knew where Eren got his stubbornness from.

With a warm cup set in front of him and Carla sitting on the opposite side of him this time, (Titan has gone to lie next to the playpen), they somehow fell into idle chit chat. Levi was surprised how easy to talk to this woman was. Maybe once more it was some Jaeger trait.

''Let's give my lazy son another twenty minutes and then we'll wake him up. What do you say?''

''Oh, that's ok. Plus he mentioned something about a hangover so that's why might be tired.'' Levi suddenly realized he was speaking with Eren's mother. Adult or not, it was still his parent. ''Shit!'' He covered his mouth with his unoccupied hand. ''I mean shoot. Shoot.''

Carla chuckled and sent him a warm smile.

''Don't worry. I know my son. I helped him cure some of those when he was younger to hide him from his father. I know, I am a bad parent.''

Levi actually chuckled and shook his head.

''Oh no, I think every teenager would want a mom like that.''

''I will take that as a very big compliment. But honestly, I am just glad to see Eren as lively as ever again.''

She was looking through the door arc that led to the room Eren and Kieran were in, but Levi had a feeling her mind was much, much further.

He didn't press on what she meant but she continued.

''You know, after that accident he's been so slummed, sad and depressed.''

Levi's mind started to do some quick and serious thinking and suddenly something clicked. All the scars on Eren's body seemed to make sense, the reason behind them apparent. They were from an accident the woman before him was talking about. Here was a chance for him to understand and also partly satisfy his curiosity.

Levi concentrated once more on what Carla was saying to him.

''…We kept telling him that doesn't matter how it looks; it's just something trivial on the outside. He would tell us it wasn't about the scars that it was…''

''I'm sorry Carla to interrupt but… Eren said nothing to me about being in any kind of accident and I feel it would be wrong of me to let you continue. Maybe he just hadn't the time to bring that topic up or maybe he had his own reasons to keep it to himself. I do not know.''

''Oh my, me and my big mouth. But you're right. It was very kind of you to respect his privacy.''

''I know how…'' Levi started saying but was interrupted.

''So how long have you and my son been together?''

''Huh?''

And then Levi caught up what she was assuming.

''Oh, no! Me and Eren…'' He wasn't sure what to say. He didn't even know what his parents knew about his sexuality. For all he knew Carla could be trying to get him to say he was gay while Eren was still keeping it a secret. ''We are not… Eren is…''

Levi wasn't one to get flustered too often but at the moment he was really at loss of words.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eren felt warm and quite comfortable, still in a daze as to where he was exactly. He blinked couple of time and the haziness of sleep slowly lifted off of his brain. When his eyes caught up with his mind and he saw his little sister right next to him he was still just a bit confused.

Whatever was going on around him it could wait; Kiri was next to him, her angel face peaceful in her sleep and he was comfy as well. If his sense of touch didn't fool him, he could feel her blanket on his torso while her little hand was holding onto his finger as she snuggled. Eren smiled to himself how anyone would be fooled by this picture-perfect innocence. But he knew better; aware just how much energy and devilishness that little body could store. If his mother wasn't exaggerating, she said Kiri was even worse than him with her crazy ideas and plots. Ever since she was born Carla said she forgot what it meant to have a boring day.

Eren felt content and rested. His sister next to him, under the blanket (somewhat), his mother in the kitchen probably with Levi, telling him….

_OMG! Levi!_

Eren suddenly remembered and sat up. Only by miracle the little girl next to him didn't wake. She was a very heavy sleeper, just like him.

Doing everything in his power not to wake her, Eren stepped out of the playpen. His heart was beating a mile a minute. He couldn't believe how he could fall asleep while Levi was waiting for him. It was supposed to be a moment, just long enough for him to put Kiri to sleep and now? He was afraid to even look at the clock to see how long he slept. He was an idiot! What normal person goes into a playpen with the kid to put it to sleep?

Eren knew – not a single one. But he was a sucker for that pout of hers, and even though they shared the same kind of eyes, hers worked on him every time. He knew he was spoiling her too much, but that little runt was too smart and too keen for her own and everyone else's good.

Eren's heart beat rapidly as he approached the kitchen door where Levi and his mother were, at least he was hoping. He wouldn't blame Levi for going home after seeing him fall asleep like a moron that he was. Eren felt so bad words couldn't describe it. At least the vocabulary in his head couldn't.

He was about to step into the kitchen, his head hung low, ready to apologize when his ears caught something and he stopped before crossing the threshold.

''You know, after that accident he's been so slummed, sad and depressed. He wouldn't talk to any of us; whenever my husband and I visited he would get this weird look on his face. It seemed to me that despite surviving that awful crash a part of him got broken beyond repair. He was even reluctant to start on his rehabilitation. We kept telling him that doesn't matter how it, his body that is, looks; it's just something trivial on the outside.''

Eren stood frozen on his spot. Why in the world was his mom mentioning any of that to Levi?! She wasn't one to share all that! Not with Levi. He was to be the one to tell him about that stupid accident. Or at least he thought he was. He wasn't even sure himself if he wanted Levi to know anything about that.

But when Eren thought about it for a moment he'd figured Levi might have some gist of it. Seeing how Levi saw him practically nude during and after the party, he would be a fool not to notice the scars marking his body. That still didn't mean Eren made the decision whether or not to tell Levi. He was unsure, reluctant, and simply afraid.

Eren was about to step into that room and stop his mother but then he heard Levi speak up. Once more he withdrew.

''He would tell us it wasn't about the scars that it was…''

''I'm sorry Carla to interrupt but… Eren said nothing to me about being in any kind of accident and I feel it would be wrong of me to let you continue. Maybe he just hadn't the time to bring that topic up or maybe he had his own reasons to keep it to himself. I do not know.''

Eren face lit up. He smiled to himself, content and happy. His insides did all those weird twists once more as he sighed with relief or maybe it was satisfaction? It was a very simple thing that Levi did right there but to Eren it meant loads. Levi respected his privacy. Any other person would most possibly let Carla continue but Levi did something better – he gave Eren a chance to trust him. Or not for that matter. He gave Eren the choice to _decide_. And something swelled inside Eren as that trust already bloomed.

Eren listened on to the conversation between the two. He knew he was doing something wrong but couldn't help it. And the next thing he heard made his widen his eyes even more than before.

''So how long have you and my son been together?''

''Huh?''

''Oh, no! Me and Eren…We are not… Eren is…''

Eren felt his face go warm and decided it was the moment to step inside and save Levi. And himself as well.

''Mom, stop with the interrogations. You're making him uncomfortable. And he's a friend. No 'boy' prefix there.''

Eren walked up to the fridge and opened it, trying to act as nonchalant as possible, as if his heart _wasn't_ beating furiously at the mere thought of being Levi's boyfriend.

''Really? What a pity.''

''Mom!'' Eren whined as he got himself a bottle of juice.

When he turned around and looked at Levi, he wasn't able to read any emotions whatsoever. He only knew that Levi was looking at him intently. He looked back after getting a cup and pouring some juice.

After a moment he couldn't take it anymore and spoke.

''Ok, what is it now?''

''Nice hairdo.''

And Levi looked away, taking his own cup of coffee, or so Eren guessed. He raised his hand to touch his hair around. Of course his usually unruly hair was even more annoying and he was sporting some major bed hair and his mom was laughing at him too. He glared at Levi, who was doing his best to hide his smirk behind his cup, and then retreated into the bathroom where he knew he would find a comb. When he came back inside, Levi and his mother were chatting away. Or more like his mom was and Levi was listening.

''Better?''

Levi looked up and nodded.

''Nice.''

If anyone ever asked later on Eren denied that he blushed at that moment.

''So how was the nap, _kido_?''

Levi asked, this time his face baring an all confident smirk. Eren stuck his tongue out at him. So much for worrying about Levi being mad at him. He was simply having fun at his cost.

''Come on, you know I had a hangover. Kiri asked me to get in with her and…''

''And you fell asleep, all cuddly and cute. We know sweetheart, we all saw.'' Carla said while chucking.

Eren rolled his eyes and went back to his juice, drinking a second glass already.

''And we even have proof.''

Eren looked back, not hearing what Levi just said.

''What?''

''Oh, nothing., nothing. So, can we go? It kind of got late…''

''Right! I am sorry. Yes, we should go.'' Eren whistled quietly but Titan heard him and came to the kitchen, wagging its tail excitedly as always.

''Come on, bud. We're going home. I am sorry mom for having you take care of him the whole week.''

''No worries. Kieran was coping with her cold much better with that gentle giant of yours next to her. So I should be saying my thanks here.''

''No need, mom. But we gotta go now. It's really late now.''

The clock at which Eren glimpsed was showing past 11 pm. It meant he slept no more than thirty minutes thankfully.

''True, true. Get your butts out of here then.'' Carla said as she got up and gently started pushing Levi out of his seat. Eren must have been seeing things because he thought he just saw Levi smile.

Soon, after getting a blanket out of his trunk and laying it on the back seat so Titan could go there (Levi mumbling something about the fur and paw prints), Eren and Levi were on their way back.

''I guess our drinking plans are off?'' Eren spoke after about 10 minutes of driving, his head hung low.

''I have to say - yes. It's Friday and all but I still have work tomorrow, half day but still got to be there by 9. I know I was the one to ask you and all…''

''No, it's my fault for falling asleep like that. I am really sorry Levi. How about you come upstairs and at least let me get you a cup of tea or coffee or something?''

Eren looked at Levi, hope lingering inside him. Levi didn't answer him until the moment later when they stopped on a red light. He looked at him and shook his head as if in disappointment.

''Do you really have such short memory. Wasn't it supposed to be _me_ buying _you_ a drink and not the way around? If I go to your apartment and let you make me coffee won't it destroy the whole purpose of things?''

Eren sighed and gave Levi the same disappointed expression.

''I guess your memory is faulty as well. Didn't we agree we were 'even' on the whole argument thing? No 'making up to the other' thing anymore?''

Levi looked at Eren for a long moment. It seemed to Eren Levi wasn't sure what to say. He was saved when the light turned green and he had to drive.

Eren only barely caught a small huff escaping Levi before he spoke.

''Fine, brat. We're going to your place. I want tea; it's too late for coffee. I'll buy some snacks in the convenience store on the way. Are you fine with _that_ arrangement?''

Eren nodded while smiling.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"What the hell is this?'' Levi looked at the contents of the large cup sitting in front of him on the kitchen counter. They decided to stay at the counter separating kitchen and dining room.

Eren was in the process of sitting down on the stool next to him, looking a little confused with Levi's question.

''Um, cocoa?'' Eren answered as it was the most obvious thing in the world. It earned him a look of disbelief from Levi while his eye brows almost disappeared underneath his fringe.

''Do I look like a three year old to you?" Levi made sure to speak slowly as it seemed to him that the young man in front of him was indeed of a very unintelligent type.

This finally made Eren realize what the problem here was. He looked down, once more disappointed with himself.

''Sorry, I am in need of doing some major shopping but hadn't had the time. So I am out of coffee, or tea or well mostly everything and anything edible. Though I guess I can give you water or run to the nearby store for...''

''This is fine too. Sit down already brat.''

Eren let out a huff of relief and suddenly noticed something. He didn't even dare to call it cute in his head. He refused to. But how else would you describe Levi not so subtly eyeing the cup with marshmallows, probably the last of food of any kind left in his apartment, that Eren set on the table? Adorable? **No**! He won't call... but damn it, it _was_ cute, adorable and too sweet for this adult, grumpy man. And of course, Eren's mouth had a life of its own.

''Do you want some?'' He said pointing to the cup. Levi's eyes shot up to him; seconds later he looked away and scoffed.

''Of course not. I am not some kid.''

But Eren still took the cup and poured couple of smores into Levi's cup while he was looking away. When Levi picked up the cup to take a sip he said nothing about the addition to his drink. And maybe it _was_ Eren's imagination of catching a small, quick smile on Levi's face before he took a sip.

They chatted for god knows how long; about everything and nothing; time just flew past by. Eren told Levi a little about his family, how his mother had Kiri very late at the age of forty-two which was in contrast to when she had Eren at the age of barely eighteen. They both may've been unplanned children but Eren told Levi he never felt unloved.

The only reason the early age of his mother's pregnancy wasn't a complete disaster was because his father's family was quite wealthy, from a long line of doctors. They adored his mother already and as much as that was a little uncalled for, they were eager to welcome her into their family earlier than planned. His father married his mother of course, though his mother always told him they were planning to do so either way, it was just Eren who decided he wanted to come earlier than they might've planned. Carla always joked that from his first moments in this world Eren was impatient and quick to act; the fact that he was born prematurely spoke volumes as well.

''Oh yeah, I can see all too well what your mother means by that.''

Eren grumbled and pouted at that comment from Levi during their conversation. It didn't matter that he knew they were correct. It didn't mean he couldn't protest.

Eren already noticed something before but during this conversation his assumptions were confirmed. Levi didn't talk much about himself, especially his early years. Eren knew that they didn't know each other that long to go into deep confessions and all that, but Levi was very keen not to let too much out. Eren also had his secrets, talked about trivial facts about himself, but the secrecy which Levi kept up was quite strong. The vague 'I was what you could say 'rebel kid' when I was a teenager' by Levi wasn't much to go by; especially when compared to all the rant that left Eren's mouth.

But despite Levi’s reluctance to be completely honest Eren still enjoyed his evening, or more so _night_. Because the time literally escaped them and only after the second cup of cocoa, (Levi's filled to the brim with smores he once more pretended not to see), and one bag of cookies that Levi bought, did they realize it was nearing 2am.

Eren started to feel bad instantly for keeping Levi up so late but then he saw that Levi was just as surprised. It meant he also didn't notice how late it had gotten. So maybe he was enjoying the time they spent together just as much as Eren? At least that's what Eren was hoping for immensely.

''Looking at the time we might've as well gone to some club.''

Eren said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as he leaned on the wall in his corridor. Levi was in the process of getting dressed, zipping up his hoodie and then the leather jacket.

''True. But it was quieter here. And the cocoa was just so… _fluffy_.''

Levi said with all the sarcasm he could muster. Eren would get embarrassed or maybe sad if it wasn't for a small smirk that then appeared on Levi's face. The man was teasing him and Eren didn't mind one bit this time. He smiled back.

''I know, right? Come over any time you feel like having some more.''

Levi tilted his head to the side and scoffed.

''Sure. I will take it as a future invitation. But gotta go now. Some of us actually work in the morning and don't have the luxury to sleep until noon.''

''Oh, don't be so bitter about it.'' Eren stuck his tongue out which earned him a faint 'tck'.

Levi opened the door and was already walking out when he turned around last time.

''See you around, Eren.''

Hearing his name leave Levi's lips, instead of the usual brat or kid, did weird things to Eren's insides. He barely managed to answer back.

''See ya, Levi.''

Eren was standing in his door, leaning on the frame and looking after Levi. Levi was slowly walking downstairs as he stuffed his bare hands inside his jacket when he suddenly stopped. Eren was about to ask what was wrong but then Levi took something out of his pocket. Only then Eren remembered about the bracelet that Kiri gave him. The same one that Levi was holding in his palm at the moment and looking at intently. Some side of Eren was wondering if Levi would throw it out, it was a silly child-made thing in the end so he wouldn't be surprised.

What did surprise him, though, in all positive ways possible, was what happened next.

Levi's face bore the most relaxed and kind expression Eren has ever seen on his face as he squeezed the small piece of jewelry tighter in his palm and brought it up to his chest. Eren watched in awe as Levi then unzipped his leather jacket and this time put the bracelet in his inner pocket. He zipped up once more and after a small pat on the place where the bracelet resided inside to feel if it was there he continued his walk down the stairs.

Eren stood there for another long moment, unsure what he just witnessed as his heart swelled with affection and happiness.

When he finally walked back inside and threw himself on the couch he thought of only few things over and over again.

How Levi didn't throw out his sister's present. Even more so, he placed it in his inside pocket and that meant only one thing – it was meant to be safer there. Levi didn't want to lose it.

About Levi's kind and easy smile Eren knew he wasn't meant to see. But he did. And he was certain it wouldn't leave his mind, ever.

And the warmth he was filled with while thinking about everything that happened tonight brought a realization. One that was somewhere in the back of Eren's mind all this time – there was no turning back for him from all this. There was no giving up or moving on for him anymore. He was gone. He was in deep. It was about time he'd accept it.

How he was to deal with his feelings and still interact with Levi was a whole another ordeal.


	17. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wants to gain some perspective, yet the distance between them lessens without him realizing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more - THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS!  
> I was really overwhelmed by all those lovely messages I got, the support, the understanding, everything you said made me so happy! And here's the result of that happiness. I am completely honest when I say you guys gave me the strength and the little kick on the butt I needed to write this. So as silly as it may sound I want to dedicate this chapter to you guys and I am really hopeful that 'contents' of this chapter kinda makes up for the wait ^_^  
> [My tumblr](http://darkshadekristen.tumblr.com)

''I cannot read your mood today. One moment you are grumpy, mumbling under your nose and then another you have this relaxed expression. Make up your mind, would ya?''

Levi looked up from the papers he was analyzing and gave Hanji a confused expression. He barely caught every other word that left the Four-Eyes' lips. Partly because he was engrossed in the contents of their newest project, partly because his mind was going through what happened during his morning meeting.

''Oh, no. Great! Not only you are going on hot and cold attitude today, you are also ignoring me. **Me**. Your partner.''

Levi rolled his eyes. Of course she was rubbing her partnership in his face every chance she got.

''I wasn't ignoring you. I was, unlike you,'' Levi looked eloquently at Hanji's doodles that she had before her on his office's coffee table. ''Concentrating on my work.''

Hanji looked down at the mentioned papers and then back at Levi with a big grin on her face.

''Oh, you know I cannot concentrate on one thing at the time. I doodle when I ponder. But nice try, you won't change the topic so quickly. Spill what got your panties in a twist one moment and is rubbing them all nicely another.''

Hanji wiggled her eyebrows to which he cringed.

''I won't even comment that last one.'' Levi sighed as he leaned back in his chair. ''I had a meeting this morning.''

''Yeah, I know, you told me you would be late. I meant to ask you about that.''

''It was with my attorney.'' Levi's answer was almost on a verge of a growl.

''And?'' Hanji knew right away what attorney Levi meant; there was no need for questions. This could be about only one thing.

''Well she's amazing, that's for sure. She found some other thing that Erwin's parents messed up and the judge postponed the thing for after New Year's.''

''That's great, Levi!'' Hanji sat up straighter in her seat as a smile appeared on her face.

She looked closely at Levi's face and saw no happiness there.

''I have a feeling there's more to it.''

''Hell, of course there is. It's just postponing the problem and not fixing it! The damn lawsuit just keeps dragging on and on!''

Levi was instantly out of his chair and pacing behind his desk, huffing angrily and mumbling things that failed to reach Hanji's ears.

''Oh, hun.'' Hanji's smile faded and a grim expression took its place. She felt so bad for her friend, feeling his frustration. Frustration that kept on dragging just like this damned lawsuit Erwin's parents dropped on Levi. It pained her she couldn't do anything to help. All she could do was try to make Levi see a somewhat brighter side of things. ''But you know, in this case it's still a good thing. Even postponing this, dragging it as long we can is already a success. It's all down to waiting and hoping that in the mean time…''

''I know, damn it!''

Levi snapped back, seeing where Hanji was going with her train of thoughts. He knew she was not the person he should be aggravated with, the ones that were the source of his annoyance and anger resided in Stohess.

He paced back and forth for a moment, hoping the anger would leave him. When he looked back at Hanji he tried to remain as calm as possible.

''I know it. We wait, we postpone in hopes that in the mean time he's gonna...'' Levi gritted his teeth in frustration, words left unspoken but the understanding between them resided. They both knew how important extending the time for judge's final decision was, in fear that it would be not in their favor. It was all about waiting and timing. The mere thought of the judge taking Erwin's parents' side made Levi's heart clench and tighten.

''It's just been over a year that those assholes came up with the idea that they can take away what's...''

''I know Levi.''

Hanji interrupted Levi, knowing perfectly well where he was going there.

Levi sighed and got a hold of himself, before he lost it once more, either to anger or to the fatigue that weighted on him. He might trust Hanji with his life but he wasn't about to bare himself, show all that fear and exhaustion that rested inside.

''But that's not all, either.'' He turned around, his mask of calmness back on as he faced Hanji once more. She only gave him a nod to continue. ''I have to find a new lawyer.''

''Huh? But you said she was amazing with what she did.''

''And amazingly far along in her pregnancy.''

''Huh?''

''She's due in like two weeks or so, I was the last case she was even still taking care off. She only did not pass it off to anyone else knowing what was at stake. But now that the baby is like practically out,'' Hanji cringed at Levi's crude words. ''She has to lay back. I am not mad at all at her because of that. I mean, even I am not that big of a bastard not to see importance of a newborn on its way, it's just I cannot, for the life of me, find a good lawyer to take over for her. She tried to help, finding a colleague that would do just as well as she did, but with the New Year approaching most of them are too busy to take on anything new. So all in all – I am screwed. It was a miracle that she managed to postpone it to after New Year's.''

''Have you tried calling...''

''Our company's? Yeah. Even though he does different shit he asked his friends and all that but still came up empty handed. All better lawyers are just unavailable.''

''Damn.''

Levi only nodded.

''I'll try my own search, alright Levi? You should've told me earlier.''

Once more he nodded, stuffing his hands into his suit's jacket pockets. When his right hand touched its contents his scowl slightly faded.

''That's what I was talking about. It's like you're angry one moment and peaceful another. What's up with that?''

Levi looked back at her as his mind has wondered off for a moment there. He knew playing stupid with Hanji wouldn't pass, so after taking his hands out of his pockets and sitting down, he explained.

''It's just that I made up with Eren. Like, really apologized. Not that half attempt shit I did last time.''

Hanji's grin annoyed him for some reason, at least more than usually. And the fact that she didn't comment on it even more. If she stayed quiet it only meant one thing – she got some wicked idea in that head of hers, one Levi just _knew_ meant nothing good for him.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi needed to vent. He felt it inside if he didn't unwind in some way he would just lose it once more. He had no idea at which point in his life he became so short tempered. Ok, maybe that wasn't right. He was always pissed and moody, but usually he had a better grasp on keeping it inside. But the fact was that lately things in his life were more hectic than ever.

So he listened to Hanji and was on his way to find some way to let it all out.

Though the reason for this particular course of action – Levi'd rather leave it untouched. If he had a moment to ponder why he was stomping his way _there_ he just knew he would stop and turn back. And something inside him begged him to do anything but.

In effect there he was, acting on the biggest impulse ever and passing last meters that separated him from his target. He took last couple of steps, extended his arm and went to grab the tanned elbow.

 

 

''I know, Bert, I know. But it's not that easy as you might think it is. I mean...''

_''You mean what, Eren? What's so wrong with going through with it?''_

''Um, I dunno? The fact that he's...''

_''Oh, not that again.''_

''Yes, that again. I think that is a quite important matter. I cannot just...''

_''You can at least **try**. I know what Armin says but to be honest at least...''_

''Hells no! I am not about to try and get myself a taken man! That is just so low it's even...''

_''Eren, he isn't exactly taken, you know that. It's...''_

''Complicated! Let hell freeze over if don't know that already.'' Eren let out a quiet whimper. ''Why in hell did I let my eyes wander that one fucking evening?''

_''Because you had no idea he was visiting his partner.''_

''Exactly! What kind of moron doesn't realize such an obvious fact?''

_''What you just said hadn't made the slightest sense, Eren. A moron...''_

''I know!''

_''Why are you yelling? I can hear you just fine.''_

''I **don't** know!'' Eren raised his free arm, the one that wasn't holding the phone to his ear, and dropped it in a defeated gesture. And then, right after he felt a light touch on his elbow, he felt as his hand hit something behind him,. His eyes went wide as he did a quick look behind. After that his eyes went even wider, almost popping out of their sockets kind of wide, when Eren registered what had happened.

 

 

 

Levi's hand has almost got a hold of Eren's elbow to get his attention when the younger man suddenly lifted his arm over his head quickly, and then dropped it to his side just as fast, making a wide gesture with it while at it. The wide spread of his arm, the abrupt drop and Levi was suddenly knocked straight in the face with Eren's knuckles, and not too lightly either.

The shock of the incident, as well as the impact of the knuckles-nose contact had Levi taking a few steps back as his own hands went to his face. It started to burn and ache right away. After a moment of rubbing the sore spot, which burned with intensity, making Levi guess it was probably quite red, he looked up and glared at Eren. The kid had turned around already, with eyes wide, mouth opened as he held a phone to his ear. At least that explained the cause of his freakish and sudden gesture.

 

 

Eren turned around very slowly, giving his brain time to register what exactly just happened as his grip on the phone tightened. He completely ignored the slow burn and ache on the knuckles of his left hand. When Levi slowly looked up and moved his hands away from his face and then looked at him, Eren had the sudden urge to flee. His shock was probably the only thing that was still pinning him down to his spot. He barely registered that his mouth opened as he stared at Levi. Bertholdt's words over the phone were also lost on him. He just stood there, agape and wide-eyed.

Bertholdt's yells over the phone suddenly snapped him out it. Later on Eren made mental note to thank the man for saving him, because he felt standing there like a dimwitted moron wouldn't have helped his case.

''Um, yyy… Bert? I'll call you later. I-I gotta… Bye.''

Eren didn't wait for a response and ended the call. Almost like in trance he put the phone away and into his pants' pocket. The whole time Levi looked at him while rubbing the red spot on his forehead which reddened more and more with each passing minute.

When Levi finally opened his mouth to speak, Eren came to his senses instantly.

''Oh my god! I am so sorry Levi! I didn't see you there. I was talking on the phone, and I was kinda…'' Eren took the few steps forward that separated him and Levi and without even realizing what he was doing, he took a hold of Levi's face and kept on rambling.

''And then I got mad so I wanted to… I am so sorry. Where did I hit you? The nose? Is it bleeding.'' Eren's hands rested on each side of Levi's face as he moved it to one side and then the other, inspecting closer. He looked at the red spot and then at his nose. ''I think the nose is fine. I think the forehead got most of the impact.''

Eren rubbed his thumbs over Levi's cheeks, under his eyes, feeling if the skin there was hot from the hit. Then his right thumb went up and brushed over the sore spot between Levi's eyebrows. This gesture caused Levi to flinch a little and take half a step back.

And that was finally the moment when it hit Eren what exactly he was doing. His eyes widened with realization. Yet, he didn't remove his hands from Levi's face as the shorter man kept looking up at him. Eren stood frozen, looking into those piercing gray eyes, knowing perfectly well how many boundaries he was breaking at that moment but unable to stop. Maybe if those beautiful eyes were glaring at him just as they had moments ago, even the smallest scowl or an annoyed look, anything, maybe then Eren would snap back and move.

But Levi wasn't glaring, nor frowning; his face has shown small signs of shock at first but now he was simply _looking_ at Eren.

 

 

Levi was about to speak, tell Eren how much of an idiot he was, how much that freaking hurt, how he almost took his eye out but of course the younger man was quicker and rambling a mile a minute. Levi barely registered what Eren said and then he had his personal space full of that green-eyed brat. His words died in his throat the moment he felt those large, warm hands on his face. The shock of their close proximity caused Levi to go limp in Eren's embrace and allowed the young nurse move his head as he saw fit.

Levi didn't fight, allowing Eren to inspect his nose, cheeks and forehead. He felt as if he was looking at all that was happening from the side, only partially registering the caress of the thumbs on his cheeks and nose. Levi had no idea why he hadn't pushed the kid away, why his body stayed glued to the floor. Only by sheer force of will he fought the urge to close his eyes when Eren's thumbs brushed his cheeks and then under his eyes.

When Eren's fingers touched his forehead, Levi somewhat snapped out of the trance. He flinched in pain and retreated slightly.

It helped Levi come back to reality. Register where he was, what he was doing, who he was allowing to touch him. That also should've been the moment he moved away, make Eren let him go, look away and mumble something about keeping his hands to himself. Yes, that should've been what followed. Yet, there he was, standing, looking up at Eren whose hands stayed unmoved on his face, the space between them insignificantly small.

And nothing inside Levi screamed at him how uncomfortable it was. He didn't flinch; he didn't feel goose bumps from the discomfort of the touch of another. No. That wasn't right. He did feel some goose bumps, but they were anything but unpleasant.

So he stood there, unmoving, just as Eren did. Their eyes locked; connection between them strong yet soft.

Eren opened his mouth just a fragment, probably to speak and Levi's eyes wondered to them by pure impulse. He felt this sudden instinct of need to hear what the taller man would speak, what words would leave those full, slightly chapped lips. Something inside Levi wanted to catch them the instant they left Eren's mouth.

The first sound escaped Eren; a fragment of a word, what kind, Levi wasn't sure. He was awaiting continuation and then…

The elevator made its peculiar beep, usually pleasantly quiet, but at that moment it seemed like some kind of siren to Levi's ears.

 

 

Whatever hung between Levi and Eren crashed with that sound and they stepped back from each other. Both men were quick in their retreat as if burned and looked away.

 

 

Eren hadn't the slightest clue what to do, how to act, what to say and if he even should look back at Levi. So many thoughts roamed his mind, and not a single one of them was coherent enough for him to understand. He knew what exactly just happened, he wasn't stupid, he understood what situation he had found himself in moments ago, but as to why? That was a completely different issue. Because what he _thought_ about this situation, whatever he might dream and imagine it was simply impossible. Because there was no way that Levi let him touch him, let him…caress him and there was no doubt in Eren's mind that there was no way Levi glanced at his lips at that moment. It was pure figment of his imagination.

It could not be.

So he would take a deep breath, calm down and look back to Levi and act as if that, whatever it was, did not happen and he would beg for forgiveness for hitting him.

Eren already took a breath, already turned his head when Levi was the first one to break the silence.

''Is this your idea of a payback?''

''Huh?'' Eren looked confused at Levi. Which confusion was bigger, at the question or at Levi's nonchalant tone of voice, he wasn't sure.

''Like a final settling to our argument, hitting me? Or were you _trying_ to take my eye out.''

Eren look as Levi gazed at him; his scowl back as he went back to rubbing his forehead.

''What? No! That was an accident! I did not see you there. I was talking to Bert and got kinda…excited.'' Eren spoke the last word barely above whisper. ''I'm really sorry, Levi. I would never…''

''Oi, I am messing with you, brat.'' Levi sent him a small, conceited smirk as he let his hand fall to the side.

Eren began to breathe again, feeling the tension between them disappear. He figured it was best to act like nothing happened, because in the end nothing _did_ happen, but it still tugged at Eren's heart how easily Levi brushed it off.

''Right.''

''I was gonna take you away anyway, but know I have a reason you cannot refuse me. You're coming with me.''

And just like that Eren found Levi's hand on his elbow as he gently tugged him.

He was shocked for a moment, walked couple of feet with Levi when it registered with him that he was being dragged to the elevator. He stopped and stood hard in his spot.

''What the hell, Levi? Where do you think you're taking me? I said I was sorry, you don't have to hit me back.''

''Huh?'' Levi let him go and turned around. ''Beat you? Ugh. Right. Hanji said something about communication. You're going with me for a drink, I need to let some steam off.''

''Me?''

''Do you see anyone else here?''

''N-no. But I am at work?'' Eren felt as the situation he found himself in was getting more and more puzzling and he already thought that reached the maximum of bewilderment for the evening.

Levi glanced at the clock behind and then at Eren.

"But you finish at 10?''

Eren refused to feel the excitement at the thought of Levi remembering his schedule.

''I do, usually. A friend asked me to cover for her for two additional hours so I am here until 12.'' Eren gave and apologetic smile.

''Damn it. Got tomorrow off?''

''Yeah, I do?''

''Good, I'll come back around 12 then. It might be even better; I stayed at work until late. I'll go home, shower, change and pick you up. Good? Then see you later.''

Eren didn't have the chance to speak when Levi turned around on the heel of his foot and walked away. He was almost already at the elevator, Eren still glued to the spot while digesting what just left Levi's mouth, when the older man turned around once more.

''Shit. You don't have other plans, right? The phone call…''

Levi trailed off and Eren had a moment to process what he meant.

''No, I don't. That was just…That was nothing. But are you sure you want to wait until midnight for me?''

Levi only nodded and was gone.

Eren fought the butterflies in his stomach. He refused to acknowledge that it made him giddy inside to think about Levi waiting for him.

 

* * *

 

 

''I am so, so, so, sorry!'' Eren ran up to Levi who was waiting on a parking lot next to the hospital, leaning against his car. Eren cowered inside, lowering his gaze and suddenly very interested in his own shoes. ''I am so sorry I'm late but my friend was at her fiancé's family and she got back right around the time for her shift, but the plane was late and I could not leave and…" Eren slowly lifted his eyes and caught a glance from under his bangs.

''Relax, I'm not gonna kill you, you know? Hop in.''

Eren kept looking at Levi, inspecting. His cheeks were tinted with pink color, his nose more visibly red as he rubbed his hands together. Eren kicked himself mentally for thinking he looked cute with that pink coloring around his eyes. In the end, he was the reason the man before him had to wait in this cold weather.

And then he registered what Levi was saying and that he was already turning around to get into his car.

''Get in?''

Levi let out a long sigh and turned around once more.

''Yes? As in open the door, sit your scrawny ass down, close the door, put on a seat belt? Any other instructions that you might need?''

Eren didn't wait this time. He felt Levi's slightly agitated attitude and practically ran around the car and got in. Only after they were both inside and Levi was putting the key in the ignition he dared to speak once more.

''Um, w-where are we going exactly?''

''Right. I don't know. It's too late for hitting the bar. At this hour it will be packed on a Saturday. Your place it is then.''

Eren did his own personal imitation of a fish. Levi looked back at him and for the first time this evening, Eren felt that the confidence left Levi for a moment.

''That's ok, right?''

Eren graced Levi with a nod.

He hadn't the slightest clue what was going on but he was far away from complaining.

 

 

''Make yourself at home, I know it's winter but I still hate warm beer. I'll put it in the fridge for a little while. Yours as well?''

Eren registered a faint grunt which he took as confirmation as Levi walked further inside his apartment.

Then there was a faint thud which meant Titan decided to greet Levi first. Eren cringed at the idea, forgetting about warning Levi. But no yelling or reprimanding came so maybe he would survive. He put the six pack of beer he bought with Levi on the way in his fridge while scanning the contents of it for something edible. It was true that his fridge was now full (he did major shopping this morning) and had a wide variety to pick from, but everything needed some preparing. He simply didn't feel like making anything after a full shift.

He heard some movement behind, closed the refrigerator and turned around.

Levi stood in the entrance that connected the kitchen and hallway with Titan right next to him, standing dutifully, only slowly wagging his tail. It amazed Eren how at ease the mutt was acting, how _obedient_ he was next to Levi.

''Ok, what did you do to my dog? Confess.''

Levi smirked at him as he petted the dog's head. The beast leaned into the caress automatically.

''Let's say I showed him that, despite his size – quit it with the snickering Jaeger,'' Eren took a deep breath to stop the quiet chuckle that almost escaped him. ''I am the more dominant one. I might've never had a pet in my entire life but I have a brain.''

Eren took a deep breath and with all the willpower of his own brain he pushed away the train of thoughts about how exactly dominant Levi could be.

''Still. He is an obedient pup, but I have never seen him act so calm. He's like me – always full power on.''

''Not really. My glares do not work on you.''

This time Eren failed to hold in his laughter. So _that's_ what Levi did.

''Alright. But obedient or not, I have to walk him. Unless you want to help me clean up after him later on.''

Levi cringed at that idea.

''I will be back in like fifteen, twenty minutes. Unless you wanna come along?''

''Nah, I'll make myself some coffee.''

And just like that, Levi walked around him and hit the coffee machine. Guess that meant Levi took to heart his earlier ''make yourself at home''. With no further ado Eren walked into the hallway, got dressed, grabbed Titan's leash, connected it to the dog's collar, to which of course the beast came alive once more, and walked out of his apartment.

 

 

Levi heard Eren getting ready to leave while he got himself some coffee. He was absentmindedly staring at the lights on the coffee maker when it suddenly hit him. He looked at his wrist watch, seeing it was nearing 1 am and turned around to catch Eren.

He got to hallway but the kid was already gone. Levi bit his bottom lip in slight worry. It was late but the brat had a fucking horse for a dog, he would be just fine by himself despite the late hour.

Levi kept telling himself that as he walked back inside the kitchen, cursing under his breath all the same. He had to take his mind off his stupidity so he decided to make himself busy. He wasn't himself today, so that was the only reason why he started looking through the younger man's kitchen, thinking what he could make to eat up for both of them. At least that was what he told himself.

 

 

''Levi? I'm back. Titan – sleep.'' Eren gave out the command.

The dog shook his body, his long and bony tail hitting Eren's leg couple of times, trotted to the living room and then next to the couch where he laid on his pillow.

Eren wandered into the kitchen and then was hit with the mouthwatering scent. Confused, he walked further in.

''Levi? What are you doing?''

Levi jumped up a little and turned around from his place at the oven.

For a moment he looked like a kid caught doing something wrong, but that lasted only for a faint moment. Soon, his usual smirk was back.

''You were taking your sweet time so I decided to make something. I used your kitchen and food. Deal with it. I was hungry.''

Eren held in a chuckle. He might be saying one thing but to Eren it sounded like something more along the lines 'I made something to eat to thank you for dealing with my shit'.

Of course Eren, who valued his life, did not comment on it.

''So, what did you make?''

''Something that wouldn't take too much effort of course.''

He turned around and with Eren's pan in hand, slid down a French pancake on a plate that was on the counter that Eren didn't see there before. For an instant Eren pictured Levi with an apron on and had to take deeper breath. _Only_ with his apron on. He shook his head.

''What? You don't like this, brat?''

Eren looked back at Levi and realized his gesture was taken amiss.

"What? No. I love pancakes, it's just… it's 1a.m.? Middle of the night; not really breakfast time. And we're gonna drink beer and…'' Eren looked at Levi again and shut his mouth. ''No. Pancakes are _great_. Let's go to the living room?''

Another thought came to Eren, the reason behind this particular Levi's culinary choice. His annoyingly cute sweet tooth. This thought Eren kept to himself as well.

Soon they found themselves in the living room, the main couch spread out with a blanket on it to make it more comfortable (and also to make some room for Titan who all of a sudden didn't seem sleepy the moment they got there), coffee table scooted closer with pancakes, beer, and some bags of chips Eren found in the cupboard. It was a weird variety of food, but neither of them cared.

Eren was sitting comfortably on a pouf pillow, his back against the back of the couch, while he happily munched on his third pancake with peaches. Levi sat on his right on the couch, plate on his lap while he somewhat pretended to eat. On his left, Eren registered with the corner of his eye as Titan slowly approached him, eyeing his food with keen, dark brown doggie eyes.

Eren realized the moment they set everything down and sat down to eat that all the tension left Levi's body. He kept on jabbing his first and only pancake with his fork, only maybe a mouthful actually going to his stomach as the silence went on. Still, Eren decided to keep on eating and give Levi some time.

Eren'd lie if he said he wasn't surprised at this turn of events, yet somewhere deeper he was dancing conga from joy, but he kept his cool. There was something on Levi's mind and Eren was more than honored to be the one Levi had turned to. Even if in the end he'd come to him, drink his beer and leave.

After another 10 minutes of silence, and some swatting Titan's muzzle away from his empty plate, Eren had about his fill of not talking.

''Levi, I…''

His words died out as Levi suddenly sat up, set his half empty plate on the table and grabbed the can of beer. He opened it and Eren was sure he chugged down more than half of it in one go. When Levi removed the beer from his lips and set it against his crossed legs, he kept on staring ahead. Something inside Eren told him to speak now; he felt that in a moment he would be only seeing Levi's back as he left his apartment.

Eren took his own beer, took a small sip and then looked ahead and away from Levi.

''You know, I do not mind at all that you came over. I got a nice satisfying meal as a reward. It was really good by the way.'' Eren received an equivalent of a grunt and kept on talking. ''But you can talk to me, whatever it is, I will listen. Then again, if you don't want to I won't listen. I can promise it will fall on deaf ears and you can still be able to let it out. But there's also the option you don't have to say anything, we'll sit in silence, drink and enjoy each other's company. That's good too. But just don't feel like you have to leave. That's all I am saying.''

Eren took a gulp, this one bigger, and silence befell them once more.

After a longer while Eren was almost certain that Levi took option number three when he spoke suddenly.

''Erwin's fucking parents are suing me for the rights to the decisions regarding Erwin's health care.''

Eren sat there for a long moment, gaping ahead. He might've pondered what was bugging Levi, but he hadn't predicted anything of this kind in his wildest imagination. He looked back and up at Levi who was still looking ahead. Maybe that way was easier for him.

''W-why?'' That was the only question that came to Eren and he wasn't completely sure if he should've asked even that much.

The grim, foul smile that appeared on Levi's face made Eren shudder. The look in his eyes was piercing, the hate and loathing so apparent that for the briefest of moments Eren was scared of Levi. But that lasted only a moment. Even though the smile remained, Eren's fear turned into sadness, knowing Levi had something of that magnitude on his shoulders. The man might have a mean demeanor but not cruel and vice. Eren's sadness was accompanied by rage; anger towards those who caused Levi's eyes to become so cold and hollow.

''Why? There's only one reason why. They hate me. They hate Erwin. They loath who we are. They cannot stand that such disgusting creatures like us exist and want to destroy the stain on their honor that is Erwin Smith.''

''Um, Levi. Sorry but… I-I do not know what you're talking about...''

Levi let out something between a growl and a groan and set his, now empty, can on the table. His hands went straight after the second can of beer. Eren used that moment to slowly and quite reluctantly sit up on the couch as well. Levi's minor growl scared Titan who went off and lay on his own pillow. Levi opened his beer but didn't drink it. He sat back and somewhat looked in Eren's direction.

''Right. I am used to talking about this to people who know what the hell is going on with those fucked up, rich hyenas.'' Eren ignored the small pain in his chest at the reminder how little he knew about Levi and let him talk. ''Erwin's parents are rich. Like filthy, disgustingly rich. Even your parents' house is like the helps' side cottage to them. To them it's all about the prestige and image. What people will say, what will they think, do this, don't do that. Private boarding schools, tons of extra curricular shit. That's how Erwin's life looked like. So you can imagine how they reacted when he went up to them one day and said 'Mommy, daddy, I'm gay'."

Eren felt the sarcasm rolling off Levi in waves as he spoke. He cringed at the idea of that last image. He had a faint idea where this was going but kept quiet.

''I myself met Erwin when he was already up and on his own. They disowned him of course, but the stubborn bastard didn't give rat's ass about it. But it was _unsightly_ to throw the young master out when he was still a minor. So the moment he turned 18, off you go! Again – he didn't give a shit, got his annoyingly smart ass through school on his own and disappeared from their life. They and their money be damned, he said. Not to get into too many details, we met, got together and all that shit and then…'' Levi's voice went a little faint after which he took a big sip of his beer. ''We got into an accident and that's how Erwin ended up in the state that he is now.''

Levi was quiet for so long Eren felt the need to speak up. While he appreciated this little heart to heart conversation he couldn't understand where it was going and what the beginning was about.

''I'm sorry Levi but I'm still…''

''The moment they found out Erwin was in a coma they reappeared in his life. No, that's not right. They fucking ignored it for two whole years. And about a year ago, I got a notice. What kind you may ask? A court one! Saying they were suing me for the rights considering the decisions with Erwin's life. They want to fucking pull the plug on him so they can get rid of the _unsightly_ mistake that is their son!''

That part Levi spoke while looking Eren straight in the eyes. Eren lips parted a bit in disbelief. At first he couldn't comprehend the meaning of what Levi was saying and when he finally did, he still couldn't wrap his head around why anyone would want to do that to their own kid.

Eren wasn't scared of Levi. No. He saw his eyes, the broken image of a man before him caused only sorrow to sprout in his heart as well as the sudden urge to wrap his arms around Levi. He wanted to comfort him, make his pain go away, bring back the life into those stunning gray eyes he adored. The fact that Levi hurt because of the love that he felt towards another man, Erwin, his partner, didn't even sting. It didn't matter right now. Eren simply wanted to make Levi feel better. Yet he had no idea how. When he spoke it was bare a whisper.

''But…they can't do that, can they? I mean, they are his parents but you…''

And then Eren remembered. Levi and Erwin were both men, life partners but not married. As unfair as that was, in the eyes of the law their relationship mattered less.

''Me? I am nobody to him. At least that's what the leeches his parents hired are trying to prove. I am only a lover, not family. Or so they wish!''

''Meaning?''

''Meaning as annoying as Erwin is, he was fucking right to get our affairs in order as quick as possible when we moved in together. He has his will and all other shit written off to me. I am listed as his only next of kin. He made damn sure if anything at all happened I would be the only one allowed to decided of his welfare.''

Eren's heart felt a weight lift off of it.

''That's good, right?''

''Fucking amazing he pulled that off. He remembered every small detail from what my lawyer tells me when looking at that shit. But they are still trying to find some loophole. Some mistake in the papers, maybe some other law that will make it all just useless crap. That's what they've been trying to do for the past year. All of it so they go to that room, pull that plug and k…''

Eren was certain that this time Levi's voice broke at that last word. He fought will all of his being against the urge to put his hand on Levi's thigh, which was barely centimeters away, and rub it in a soothing gesture. The need was so strong he had to squeeze his beer can harder, denting it slightly, to stop himself from moving his hands.

''I know it will sound stupid, but I am sure you will win Levi. You said it yourself; you have all the legal right over Erwin's health.''

''Yes, but those are high paid vultures. I have a decent salary but it's nothing compared to what they can pay. Even with the insurance money at first and I still I couldn't dream of it.''

Eren gave him a quizzical look to which Levi sighed.

''Erwin insured himself, making me, once more, the beneficent of it. Which of course they also questioned as it was quite a lot of cash. They froze the amount that I still had on my account. Not that I fucking cared about it, but I needed it for Erwin's medical bills. I wasn't using it for any other reason for fucks sake! At least that part we had already taken care off and I could pay off the house. I had to take on a loan while they fucking refused me Erwin's own health money!''

Eren was starting to hate those phantom two people with as much severity as Levi was showing. It felt like they were trying to do everything in their power to make Levi's life miserable. Now that Eren thought about it, it was no wonder Levi looked so haunted on that evening when Eren first saw him. He had an inkling feeling it was one of those worse days when Levi was battling on all grounds at once.

''I'm sure you'll win this Levi. They might be empty words to you, but you just have to keep fighting for…''

''That's the problem here, damn it! I have no one to fight those assholes for me!''

The second empty can landed on the table and Levi was quick to grab the third one. Eren still barely drank half of his first one.

''What do you mean?''

''My attorney is pregnant and I have to find a new one by the middle of January; that's when another court case will take place.''

''Fuck!''

It slipped out before Eren could stop himself.

''Tell me about it. That's what got me so pissed off. I fucking knew the moment she got pregnant I had to find someone else, just in case the case prolonged, but then I got busy at work and now I am screwed.''

Eren suddenly felt the weight of the problem and drank the remaining half of his drink in one go. He set the can down and a sudden idea hit him. He looked at Levi and smiled.

''Krista!'' He exclaimed. Levi looked at him funny, confusion on his face written all over.

''Huh? What about your tiny friend?''

Eren didn't bother mentioning it was rich coming from him calling someone tiny and went on to explain.

''Yes. My tiny friend. Who happens to be good damn lawyer.''

Levi's eyes widened, mouth opened to speak and then all of a sudden his mask was back on and Eren couldn't read him. He looked away and drank his beer. Eren was a little worried the tempo he was chugging his alcohol with but felt the older man needed it.

''You said she puts the bad guys away. So she's a criminal lawyer of some kind. Plus I can't as…''

''Oh, shut it Levi. You aren't asking anything. I will call her tomorrow, if she doesn't feel well in that field then I bet you, she will find you someone that will send those other lawyers squealing with their tails between their scrawny legs.''

''You don't know what they look like, Eren.''

''Who cares, hyenas are scrawny looking in general.'' Eren remarked as it was the most obvious thing in the world. Even though he looked away while grabbing the bowl filled with chips, he still caught a very faint smile on Levi's lips in the corner of his eye.

''Thank you, Eren.''

Eren swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and looked back at Levi.

''I hope that my intentions will actually help and Krista will get you somebody. I really do, Levi.''

For a brief, yet very significant moment they looked at each other in silence. Their eyes connected, like it happened before this evening, and they simply studied each other. But it was quick to end as Levi looked away. Eren would've loved to have a moment to think through what exactly these moments were but felt some other need. A sudden thought came to him and wanted to go with it.

He took the same position Levi took when spilling his guts to Eren, which was more about looking ahead then at Levi.

The moment Eren started talking he felt rightness of his choice.

''I was in a car accident three years ago.''

Eren faintly saw Levi look at him. Still, he continued.

''I was driving alone and I was an idiot, you could say. I hit a lamp post, practically wrapped the fucking car around it. I should've died. Hell, I _was_ dead from what they told me. At least for about 2 minutes or so. Before you ask – I do not remember seeing a white light.'' Eren said the last part with sarcasm and chanced a gaze at Levi. The older man didn't say anything. His face showed deep thought yet complete concentration to what Eren was saying. Eren took that as a sign to continue and kept on talking.

"They say it was a miracle I came through. I keep telling them I am just too stubborn to die, yet they do not believe me. My lung collapsed, my left side got pierced right through by some shit in the car, the front windshield burst and stabbed my right pectoral all over with glass, my right forearm got thorn up as well and to top it all off my fucking femur broke. The hardest bone in the body and I broke it. Can't walk through metal detectors now 'cause of the screws.''

Eren let out an imitation of a chuckle at the end. He swallowed hard, took a deep breath and gathered all the courage to speak the next few sentences. His hands were almost shaking with fear and uncertainty whether he should tell Levi or not.

''It was like middle of the night, 3 am on a weekday and that part of town is secluded even during the day. By some miracle somebody was driving by and called the ambulance. Later on, I heard they barely got there and pulled me out of the car and my heart stopped beating. If it wasn't for that person driving by, I'd be long dead. And you know why that guy was even driving by in the first place, in the middle of the night?'' Eren scoffed, took a drink and continued, not waiting for Levi's response, if he even planned on giving him one. ''His wife sent him for some weird food you get only in the downtown store because she was pregnant and craving. I was saved by woman's pregnancy crave.''

Eren knew perfectly well his voice was breaking, that he wasn't making much sense and those details were very insignificant. But he was stalling. Buying his time until he had to speak those words that he didn't want to say yet felt the need from the very beginning.

''I woke up in the hospital almost one month later.'' He tilted his head to the side, wanting to catch least a glimpse of Levi's face yet too scared to look at him directly. ''I was in a coma for almost a month. I had, amongst all other things, also hit my head so the injury caused me to slip into it. The doctors were beginning to think I wouldn't wake up from it. My brain, as well as the rest of my body was so messed up I guess they thought it was too much. Yet, I woke up.''

Eren slowly looked at Levi and he wasn't surprised when the expression that the older man wore was unreadable. Eren himself wasn't too sure why he was saying all this, why the sudden need to share his past with Levi. And especially why he told Levi about the coma. That issue was like an elephant in the room, Eren knew it. He could've skipped the detail and his story wouldn't lose its meaning. But he didn't and at the moment he was scared that he might've made a big mistake.

What was he thinking? What was he expecting? Eren was completely lost.

And then Levi's mask eased. Slowly his face became older, shadowed by the years and weight of experience the man's been through. To anybody else this change of expressions might've been to worse, could see it as Levi looking uglier, less handsome. But to Eren it was a beautiful change. His façade so vulnerable yet so human and soft. For the first time Eren felt the connection between him and Levi vivid and throbbing with life. Only awaiting for Levi's next reaction was keeping Eren from releasing much needed breath.

Then Levi only nodded while his lips gave a faint shadow of a smile.

And Eren understood; the gesture spoke volumes to him. They understood each other and there was no need for words. Eren in his round about way, while baring his own soul to Levi, wanted to reassure him of Erwin's well being. He longed to give him something to hold on to and Levi grabbed it. He understood Eren and from the smile that he gave, Eren assumed it gave him hope, even if it was the tiniest flicker of it.

''I was really messed up after it. It took me a very long time to recover. Physically and mentally. On days when weather gets gloomy and rainy I can still feel every single injury that my body has sustained. But of course you got a glimpse where they are…where all the scars are, that is.''

Eren looked away, vulnerable and bare all of a sudden. It was stupid, it was a shallow way of thinking, and Eren knew it. But sometimes knowing something is wrong still didn't help to think and act properly. Even knowing perfectly well that it was just something superficial, that he should be thankful to be alive and well didn't lessen his unease. He knew it was a miracle that he hadn't sustained a permanent injury, that he could walk, talk and see and be an independent human being and those marks on his body were a low price to pay for being alive.

Eren was aware of all that, heard his friends and family tell him countless times that it didn't matter and he agreed. He _knew_ they were right. But yet, even after the few years that passed, he couldn't get beyond that feeling of repulsion when thinking about his body being scared and disfigured. Especially when he thought about what they were the evidence of.

Eren was so lost in thought that the sudden touch of Levi's hand on his shoulder startled him. He reluctantly looked at Levi.

''So? So what that you have some shitty scars?''

And that was it; that was all Levi said. A simple 'so what' making it clearer than ever for Eren to understand. So what? Answer would be almost 'nothing' if not for another, dark detail behind those scars. But Levi's simple question made Eren feel much better.

He nodded to Levi and even managed a small smile.

''You're right. It's just…'' Eren lowered his eyes, while Levi's eyes lingered on him as well his hand on Eren's shoulder. ''I dunno why I said all of this. I… I just felt suddenly the need to spill.''

Levi let his arm go.

''Sure.''

Once more it was that simple with Levi. He accepted it right off the bat. It was a completely different matter when it came to Levi sharing things with Eren, but at the moment Eren was more than willing to accept this much. It was still a lot.

Eren mumbled under his breath another confession, something even more embarrassing in his eyes.

''What? I didn't catch that, Eren.''

''I'm scared going behind the wheel.''

Eren felt his ears burn and started fidgeting with a loose thread on his jeans. After a moment something that he didn't expect reached his ears. His head snapped back up and with a stunned expression he watched as Levi was chuckling. Eren felt as his face bare the same fate as his ears. He couldn't believe Levi was laughing at him. Some part of him was even a bit hurt, especially his pride.

When Levi stopped a moment later, he spoke while still catching his breath.

''Of course you are! It's normal, brat! Let me guess, nobody else knows and that's why you go everywhere by foot.''

Eren could only nod while still dumbfounded. Levi somewhat calmed down and continued.

''I can help you out if you want. I mean trying get back behind it. You have a car?''

''Yeah. I bought a new one but b-barely drove it back from the dealer's. It's been in the nearby underground garage for almost a year.''

''Well if you want me to help you get your guts back to drive, tell me.'' Eren still did not understand the amusement that lingered in Levi's eyes.

''Is… Is it that funny that I'm scared to drive?'' Eren tried to ask as calmly as possible but still heard some hostility in his own voice. Levi did as well as his face went back his normal, neutral demeanor.

''What? It's not why I'm laughing… Hell, why _am_ I laughing? No…Shit, I think I am bit woozy. Ugh!'' Levi started getting up and his legs wobbled a little, to which, to Eren's biggest surprise, he started giggling once more. ''Fuck, I think I got drunk! Haha!''

Eren glanced at the table, counting four beer cans, the fourth one still half full. It wasn't a little but not so much to get Levi this wobbly. Then his eyes wondered to the abandoned plate.

Eren stood up as well and put his hand on Levi's arm to steady him.

''Levi, what exactly did you eat today?'' Levi pointed his finger to the plate which had a half of a cold pancake on it. ''And?''

Eren looked down at Levi's face and he gave him a smug smile.

''Really? That's all you ate for the whole day?! No surprise that beer hit you out of nowhere.''

''Heh, it is funny. It was like BAM! And here I am drunk. I guess that is my cue to go home. Now that I think about it, I have no idea why I even came and bothered you. I bet you had better plans.''

Levi looked at him, all smug yet a somewhat vile gleam in his eyes that made Eren shiver. He was supposed to be getting something, something unsaid that Levi was hinting at but had no idea what.

''What plans, Levi? I told you that…''

''Bert, the titan boy.''

''What?''

''The two meter dude, you said you were talking to him on the phone. Weren't you supposed go out or something?''

Now Eren was slowly getting where Levi was hinting at.

''No, we were just talking about… Just chatting. I told you I was free for the night, I really didn't mind you coming over, Levi. I don't lie.''

''Sure. But 'don't mind' and 'want to' are two different things, Eren. Ugh, I should go already.''

Levi tried to make Eren drop his hand off his arm and turn around but he wobbled so much he ended up back down on the couch. Eren did everything not to out right laugh at him. When Levi looked up at him, all pouty and confused what exactly happened and why he was sitting back down, Eren had to literally bite the inside of his cheek from chuckling.

Levi was getting more and more drunk with each passing minute. Eren knew it was probably because he was drinking on an empty stomach as well as the suddenly getting up didn't help. The alcohol knocked into him all at once. His gray eyes were hazy, his bottom lip slightly stuck out as he blinked slowly. Levi's shirt was lightly loose on him and protruded away from his upper body. The fact that Levi was sitting down and Eren was looking down on him gave Eren the view of the inside of his dark blue shirt, whether he wanted to or not. The low V neck hung low on the pale body and Eren almost salivated at the sight of that marble like skin.

Only the thought that Levi was somewhat unaware of his surroundings and drunk helped Eren look away before he went along with the need to catch a glimpse of Levi's nipples. The desire to quench his need for knowledge what shade they were, baby pink or maybe light brown, very strong inside him. But he managed, clenched his jaw and looked in the direction of the kitchen.

''How about I get you some water and heat up the pancakes? Eat and drink something and maybe then you'll feel better. What do you say, Levi?''

Eren glanced at him but only for a moment, unsure of his willpower not to let his eyes linger. He was lucky because Levi nodded slowly even though he looked a little out of it. But it was still Eren's chance to be out of that room seconds later with an excuse to do something, a little bit of time for him to calm down. It was his chance to compose himself and cool down his libido that, after three years of slumber, seemed to come back to life as of lately.

That is why Eren took his time in the kitchen. He took the leftover pancakes and warmed them back up on a plate instead of using the microwave. He thought it was also a splendid idea to make Levi some tea, something warm to help him get his mind back on track. Cleaning up after himself before leaving the kitchen also didn't hurt, especially when considering that Levi did not leave a speck of dirt after his own cooking.

So some time later, a plate in one hand and a big mug of steaming tea in the other, Eren emerged from the kitchen and walked towards the living room. He was proud of himself; he got his silly mind out of the gutter and intended to give his undivided attention to helping Levi out.

That was of course until he actually walked into the living room and his eyes registered the scene before him. The fact that he managed not to drop the things he held was beyond his comprehension.


	18. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just how much is **too** much?

The thudding in his head was unbearable. The noise and the racket outside plainly annoying and his eyelids were heavy as lead. But who in the lord's name thought it was a good idea to do construction works in the morning on a Sunday?!

Levi groaned as he willed his eyes to open up ever so slowly, already going through many varieties of names he shall call those workers outside. His eyelids barely lifted up, the smallest amount of light peeking through, yet it still caused immense pain to spike through his brain and eyeballs. He shut them back as fast as possible, squeezing them hard on the verge of pain. With his eyes still closed, Levi started to register more things around him and to his utter surprise, he realized there was no construction noise coming from outside. The ruckus and the chaos, proportions that of massive road works were all happening in his aching head.

He was lying on his stomach with his face stuffed into the pillow and the movement to lay his head on the side was quite an accomplishment. He moved his head only an inch to the side and even this much hurt like hell but he slowly managed to lay his cheek on the pillow. After he put his hand over his eyes to block out as much as light as possible and finally lifted his eyelids, while peeking through his fingers, he almost screamed when he registered the picture before him.

Big, dark brown eyes staring back at him from up close, a warm breath on Levi's face as Titan looked at him, his long pink tongue picking out only a bit. When Levi widened his eyes the dog had the nerve to tilt his head to the side in confusion. Like Levi wasn't the one with the right to be in shock. Only the knowledge that every move made his head want to split in two stopped Levi from jumping back. Not that it was an easy thing. The dog's muzzle was barely couple of inches away.

Thankfully a rescue came and spoke behind him.

''Titan, back away and leave Levi alone!'' Eren said it with a reprimanding tone but it was barely above whisper. Eren must've thought that he was still asleep.

Thankfully the dog listened and went back to his humongous pillow that was placed in the corner of the living room. He did two circles on it and then lay down while his gaze remained on Levi. It almost made Levi smile how that dog looked like he was waiting for him to get up.

Levi managed to turn around, lay on his back and then gazed at Eren. His look slightly confused Levi. He was wearing grey pyjamas bottoms, had a black tight wife beater on, slightly too short. It almost exposed Eren's belly button and gave a glimpse of his dark happy trail. The low set of his pants made the space of the bare skin even larger. Eren's hip bones were protruding and formed a perfect V shape that ended somewhere underneath those loose trousers. There was no denying that the kid was well built and sculpted, Levi couldn't spot an ounce of fat on the small amount of skin he was seeing. Levi guessed that the shirt that covered Eren's stomach hid a well carved six pack and chest, probably with the least amount of hair if judging by Eren's legs and arms. Levi saw Eren shirtless already but for some reason he could not recall at the moment if it had hair or not. Levi's gaze went to the pants that hung so low it made him worry that they might slide off the narrow tanned hips any moment now. Not that he was staring or anything of that sort. After a short look at Eren's feet, Levi also saw that the brat's feet were bare.

He looked back up at Eren, who was sending him a shy smile while looking into his steaming cup that he held in front of his lips. The green eyes did not meet his.

Levi was about to ask why he changed, how much time did he nap, or why the hell the mutt was staring holes into him, well, anything to make Eren actually look at him. He did not like when Eren was in his presence and he had no eye contact with those green orbs. Though he had no idea why. But his questions never left his lips as more and more awareness from outside came to him and his brain started to register the noises, the sights and more importantly – the feels.

Or the lack of in this case.

The lack of clothes on his body to be more precise.

Levi's eyes widened and he looked down at himself. At some point earlier he managed to slowly sit up and the blanket that was covering him slid down, exposing his very bare torso. At first panic hit him as he could not recall undressing and then small amount of fear followed.

He was standing up seconds later, looking around the room, slowly registering that it was light outside, that he was standing in Eren's living room while the blanket that he dragged with him was gradually sliding down his body and that he was very much only in his black boxer briefs.

After a moment he looked back at Eren, hoping that his face expression would speak for him and he would get an answer about what exactly was happening here. Yet the bratty shit in front of him had the nerve to smirk before speaking.

"Good morning.'' Levi gaped and was about to tell Eren exactly how good _his_ morning would get if he didn't tell him why exactly he was in his apartment and with almost no clothes no less but the kid continued. ''And I can see yours is _very_ good.''

A faint noise of a chuckle came to him and Levi followed the quick glance of Eren's eyes which was directed to around his abdomen. He looked down at himself and realized he was spouting an amazing case of some major morning wood. Levi's eyes widened, looked back at Eren, who had at least some decency to look away with his cheeks flushed and then sat right back down, covering his lower body with a blanket.

A moment later the act seemed extremely stupid to Levi. His almost virginal reaction to this awkward situation was so not in his character but it was the first impulse he got. It was to cover himself, away from Eren's eyes or he felt he might respond even worse and actually fucking blush. He heard a quiet laugh behind him so Levi turned around to glare at Eren.

''Oh, come on, it was funny. I had to get your mind off things. I saw you were on the verge of panic.''

''I was not.'' Levi mumbled in reply while keeping his glare full power on.

''Right. Anyway, here you go. Drink up and I'll explain. I have a feeling you don't remember much?'' Eren extended his other hand that now Levi realized held another cup of a warm drink. Levi took it, and after catching a small whiff realized it was tea. He thanked the heavens because he wasn't sure his stomach could handle coffee at this moment. Eren sat next to him, sipping from his own mug. Levi's discreet glimpses to the side told him that the brat was drinking coffee. It meant Eren might know perfectly well just how shitty Levi felt and probably looked.

A moment of quiet, them saying nothing and only drinking passed. The tea was strong but it did wonders to Levi's upset stomach and calmed him down. He took the opportunity and started going back with his mind to things he could recall. He dragged Eren for a drink. It didn't work. They came here. He spilled his guts about his problems while drinking beer, then another and then a third, all the while talking about his problems with Erwin's parents. Then he remembered Eren telling him his own story, about the accident, the fear of driving, about the fact that he himself went into coma for about two weeks. At that thought Levi's heart felt a nudge. Of pain, of understanding, of something else he wasn't sure what to call.

Then Levi's mind brought the pictures of himself laughing, chuckling even; him acting like some idiot and spouting nonsense. He remembered looking up at Eren as the taller man looked at him with those emerald orbs while Levi sat on the couch. Eren had hovered over him as he pouted and grumbled. Yes, there was no denying that he got drunk and acted like a kid throwing a tantrum, saying shit he had no place to say, things that should be left alone and stay only in his mind, not for anyone to hear, _especially_ Eren. Yet the deed was done and Levi could recall everything that left his mouth last night, his only hope was that Eren wouldn't put two and two together and catch the simplest of truths – one that Levi kept trying to deny – that he was straight up jealous of the time Eren gave to others, one particular other, as well as disappointed when he refused his invites over the last few weeks.

Levi was angry at himself. For getting so pissed drunk, furious at how such a small amount of alcohol actually got him into that state when he was used to drinking much, much more. He had a strong head, yet he couldn't for the life of him recall what happened after his tantrum. He could only remember the moment when Eren stood above him. Nothing afterwards, no matter how much he tried. Especially how in the world's name he got to the state of undress. He refused to even scratch the surface of the possibilities what could've happened, he kept telling himself he just couldn't…

No. Levi was not going to go there. There was just no way.

''Ok, stop all that thinking, I can practically see steam coming out of your ears, Levi.'' Levi glared at Eren once more and added a quiet growl to add emphasis to his annoyance. The brat had the nerve to chuckle. He sat his half empty mug on his thighs and continued. ''One – you do not have to feel guilty or embarrassed about getting drunk. From what I understood you drank on an empty stomach?''

Eren gave Levi a questioning look and actually thought about what he was saying. He went back with his mind to his last meal before coming over to Eren and had to widen his eyes in surprise. He ate dinner on Friday, went to Eren's parents and then had that awful meeting with his, now former, lawyer the next morning where he drank some strong coffee and ate…half a bagel. After that? Completely nothing; only the excuse of a meal which was less than a half of a pancake with some fruit. No wonder he went off the handle only after less than four beers.

''See? I am right.'' Eren spoke as he seemed to have noticed the realization on Levi's face. ''I am actually impressed you lasted so long with an empty stomach and all the stress of the shitty day you had. So all's good, Levi.''

Levi sent Eren a doubtful look.

''All's good? And the fact that I am only in my undies with no memory how my clothes went bye-bye is also _good_?'' Levi knew he was being mean to Eren for no reason and his voice was filled with sarcasm that could not be missed. But sue him for being angry when all he wanted was to know what the hell he'd done last night. He was all too much aware what shit he could pull while being intoxicated in one form or another.

''Yes, all's good, Levi.'' Eren smiled at him so sweetly he had a bad feeling about it. It was as if Eren was sending him some signal that he was missing and his fears of what had happened got bigger and bigger. Levi started to feel sick once more, as if the pitiful contents of his stomach wanted to come back and say hi. ''Can I continue and would you just listen? Hear me out before you go into a murder mode.'' Levi nodded while grinding his teeth, willing his stomach to calm down and his anger to simmer down. ''To what point do you recall?''

At this Levi looked away, disguising his embarrassment behind the need to take a sip of his tea. He spoke to the cup.

''About the time I started laughing like an idiot? It's _the_ thing I hate about me while being drunk. I do it. Every. Fucking. Time.''

In the corner of his eye Levi could see Eren biting his lip and probably fighting against the laugh that wanted to escape him. The only reason Levi didn't hit that smug fucker was because he actually managed to hold it in and only nod.

''Alright. After you tumbled down onto the couch, I told you I would get you something to drink, dunno if you can recall that. Well, I went into the kitchen, got stuff done, it took me some time because I figured something warm would be good for you. I mean, you went off the handle all of a sudden. One moment we were talking and the other you were barely standing on your own two feet. Actually, you **weren't** considering how you managed to stay upright for only a moment.'' Levi tck'ed at him. ''Right. Never mind. When I came back to the living room, there you were, on my couch, sleeping like a baby only in your underwear. Your clothes were all over the place, as if you suddenly got very annoyed at them. You were out cold and whatever you did, had Titan worry because he wouldn't leave your side.'' Eren chuckled at the memory. ''Well, I got you a pillow and a blanket. I didn't really mind you staying over anyway just in case you were thinking that. Then I went to my room and went to sleep.''

Levi looked back at Eren and just gaped for a long while.

''That's it?'' He asked his throat dry all of a sudden.

''Yes, that's it.''

''And you couldn't tell me all that right away, because? Before I went viral thinking that we…''

This time Eren started laughing out loud.

''And lose the chance to see that look on your face while your mind went into overdrive? Hell's no!''

Levi took deep breaths, set the cup in his hands on the table and then looked back at Eren. He knew his face expression was blank. He meant it to be that way at the moment. And when Eren caught it, his laughter died suddenly. Making his movements as fluent as possible, he reached behind, grabbed the pillow and then suddenly whacked Eren over the head with it.

It was a good thing Eren already finished his coffee because otherwise all of the cup's contents would be now on his black shirt as he stumbled back.

Eren let out a small _oof_ noise as he lay down on the couch seconds later, with a face full of pillow. The force behind the hit wasn't too big; it was obvious Levi hasn't meant to hurt him but it caught him off guard and he still tumbled down. He felt as Levi pressed the pillow down on his face couple of times for the emphasis and then let go. Eren laid there for a moment, pillow still on his face as he smiled to himself, taking the chance while he remained hidden. It was something silly, a very stupid and simple gesture but it made the butterflies in Eren's stomach awaken.

For a moment he felt Levi's bare leg press against his own. He felt its pressure along his thigh and regretted not wearing some shorts to sleep because then, at that moment, it would've allowed skin to skin contact. Eren reprimanded himself for that line of thought but they lingered still. The faint trace of touch where Levi's other hand was on his shoulder moments ago almost burning. His shoulder was almost bare; the thin strap of the wife beater barely covered his shoulder so Levi's left hand touched it directly, even if for an instant. It was still long enough for Eren to crave more, to desire for that hand to travel and caress.

But it was over as fast as it begun and Eren fought to compress his feelings while he still had the chance, while he still had that pillow on his face. He took long breaths and after putting on a mask of silly happiness that was always there, happiness at the simple fact that Levi was near, he moved the pillow to the side. He looked at Levi who was doing nothing more and nothing less but sitting there and sulking. It was adorable but Eren knew that voicing his thoughts right now might cause the shorter man to strangle him for real this time.

''Come on, it's an unwritten law to tease the drunk and you know it. It's called ''the moral hangover''; we all have to go through it at least once.''

''You do not have to tell me about that, brat. I've lived longer than you and know all too much about hangovers. Especially the moral ones.''

''Oooo, I'd love to hear about those!'' Eren sat up, all perked up.

''Like _hell_ I'm gonna tell you.''

''Thought so.'' Eren grumbled, got up and stretched, gathered his and Levi's cup and then turned into the direction of the kitchen. He turned his head to look at Levi once more. ''Anyway, now that you know I did not take _advantage_ of you, what do you say to breakfast? Can you handle food? I'll make something light?'' Levi thought for a moment and felt he was actually pretty hungry so he nodded. ''Good. You can take a shower in the meanwhile. The hallway's bathroom has fresh towels and a spare toothbrush in the right drawer. Interested?''

Levi did everything in his power not to nod too enthusiastically. He was actually dying to wash off the sweat tinged with smell of alcohol. He looked around in search of his clothes. He was about to ask Eren where they were, slightly awkward to voice that question but the younger man must've read his intention and spoke.

''I folded your clothes, they are on that puff on the left, though I am afraid to say I think Titan stole your socks, heh.'' Levi looked at Eren who was scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. ''They will turn up and I can promise he didn't destroy them but he just does that sometimes. I can never find them unless he wants me too. I can let you borrow mine if you do not mind? But I am afraid I do not have any brand new ones.''

''Really? You think I am a clean freak to that extent? As long as they're **clean** it's ok. So yes, lend me some socks.''

Eren smiled and nodded.

''Alright, I'll get a pair later. Go get washed up. Oh, and I think Armin left some disposable razors last time he was over. Feel free to look for some as well. Just use anything you want in the bathroom. I'll go get us some food now.''

And then he was gone.

Levi sat there for another moment before getting up, gathering his clothes and heading for the bathroom he recalled was next to the kitchen. This time he couldn't care less about being only in his boxers and walked like it was nothing. Though it was a little surprising to him how at ease he felt in Eren's apartment. It was still somebody else's place, clothes or no clothes; he usually had at least some amount of his guard up. Maybe it was the kid's easy way of being that was rubbing off on him lately, he wasn't sure. But it felt good to have a chance to let his shoulders slump and relax a little. Even if he was doing it unconsciously.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren pat himself mentally on the back for managing not to sprint into the kitchen. Even though every fibre in his body told him to run, to put distance between him and the older, practically nude man, he took slow but confident steps forward. The moment he was in the solitude of his kitchen and put down the cups on the counter, he gripped it painfully, his knuckles slowly whitening with the force behind it. Eren was taking deep breaths as he closed his eyes, wishing, begging to calm down.

How was he supposed to keep his acquaintance, his _friendship_ with Levi going if he was going to react like this every time they were together? Why was it so hard all of a sudden?

Though he had to admit he had done a well job putting on the mask of indifference and easiness. He managed to put on a smile on his face and act nonchalantly while his insides were screaming. They were yelling from pain, from desire, from longing he felt towards the man; the man that sat so close to him but still remained excruciatingly out of reach.

Even when the thoughts of yesterday evening came to him at one point during the conversation he had succeeded in smiling at Levi. He was so _proud_ of himself that he was such a good actor, Eren thought to himself sarcastically. He almost let out a scoff at the memory how he was able to smile while saying ''all's _good''_ to Levi. But now the strength was leaving him and the weight of pretending so very tangible in his muscles.

Eren leaned forward and laid his forehead on the cool counter. He closed his eyes and his mind betrayed him for the first time since this morning. And he was doing so well so far, blocking things from his memory. He must have let his guard down for an instance, but that was enough for the images to flood back and appear behind his closed lids. Recollections of things he failed to mention to Levi.

Things he deliberately kept to himself. Things that made his body flush.

 

* * *

 

 

_The moment Eren set foot back into his living room and his eyes registered the sight of Levi, his body went stiff. He froze in shock and gripped things in his hands. He just started at Levi's naked body, sprawled out on his couch. For a long moment he was almost in denial of what he was seeing and had to blink rapidly, thinking that maybe he was seeing things. But no matter how many times he blinked the sight before him remained the same._

_With almost surgical precision and caution he walked few steps back to set the cup and the plate on the dining table. He walked to the living room and around the couch, closer to where Levi slept on his side, dead to the world. His pale body was exposed except the tight black boxers that rode up on his buttocks a little, hugging them in a way that left very little to imagination._

_Eren kept swallowing hard, looking over Levi's body, unsure what he should do, how this came to be and how in the world to stop his hand from reaching out and touching that man's sculpted body. Eren was standing between the couch and the coffee table with Levi's back to him. He almost jumped out of his skin when Levi grumbled something and took almost embryo-like position while hugging a small pillow closer to his body. Eren let out a quiet whine as Levi's back arched, showing off his vertebrae and flexing his muscles. His legs pulled up close, biceps straining as he hugged the pillow like a lifeline, his hair in disarray on the blanket that covered the couch. Eren just knew his heart skipped a beat when he looked down Levi's bare body and saw the dimples in the small of his back. His boxers hung low, showing the smallest glimpse of the crack between his round buttocks. The earlier movement made Levi's boxer briefs stretch and go in between his cheeks, showing Eren the perfect curves of Levi's intimate parts._

_In all honesty Eren knew he should look away, that it was the right thing to do but his eyes were glued to the man before him, taking in every detail he could catch, putting it all away in his memory. Especially those two devilish dents right above Levi’s small, tight ass had Eren's eyes lingered on. Eren felt a surge of self-hatred when a thought of licking those indentations surged through him, as he imagined gliding his tongue around them just to put the tip in moments later, first one and then the other as he'd grope those lobes and…_

_Eren's eyes widened, realizing he took a few steps closer towards Levi's sleeping form. He froze at once._

_Moments later he was practically running into his bedroom, and seconds later, after rummaging through his closet, he came back with a blanket in one hand and a pillow from his bed in the other. He covered Levi with the blanket after delicately lifting his head and putting the pillow underneath it. For a moment he was afraid the older man would wake but Levi was dead asleep._

_The sudden need to take a shower hit Eren; to wash away… he wasn't sure what, maybe to help his mind clear up. And so he did; he went straight to his bedroom's bathroom, ignored the large bathtub in favor of the shower. He dropped all his clothes into the basket, not wondering if they were in need of washing or not. Stripped naked, he turned the water on and stepped inside, not waiting for it to warm up. The cold hit him and he sucked in a breath but it was for better. He deserved this, he was punishing himself, even in this simple and small way._

_Eren stood there for a long while, just resting his hand against the tiled wall, arm extended as it supported his body, his head hung low, eyes closed. He let the warmed up water run over him, trying his hardest not to think about the man that now occupied his couch. About Levi's alabaster skin, surprisingly practically hairless; of the curves of his behind, about those cursed dimples right above it, how muscled his back was and just how the paleness of his skin made it glow in Eren's eyes. Eren used to think he preferred more sun kissed skin tones until he saw Levi porcelain like body. It didn't look unhealthy, not in the least, it looked flawless and smooth, glowing._

_Eren gulped, realizing he was doing just the thing he was not supposed to. His eyes opened and widened as he looked at himself. His cock was hard and standing up proudly. He looked at it for a long moment, as if was at a foreign being and not his own erection. This could not be happening, he thought to himself. Yet here he was, painfully hard, his mind roaming through images of Levi's naked body all on its own as his dick hardened even more. He didn't want it to be happening but his body had other plans for him. His shaft twitched and pulled even more away from his abdomen as Eren felt his balls pull closer and he still hadn't even touched himself in the least. Not that he was going to, he said to himself._

_But once more his body betrayed him as he took the hand that wasn't pressed against the wall and slowly glided it down his wet skin. He nipped his right nipple on the way and bit his lip to the sensation. It was such a long time since he touched himself this way, and even much, much longer since the hand on his skin wasn't his own._

_He gave one last faint scratch to his nipple and continued the journey downwards. He put a bit more pressure against his stomach, letting his nails slide over the sculpted stomach, leaving faint red marks just the way he preferred. Soon his fingers met his dark curls, went through them and caressed the skin on his stomach right above the base of his prick. Eren swallowed hard and then wrapped his long fingers around his thick hardness. He inhaled deeply at the touch of his callused skin scraping his foreskin just right._

_He was so hard he was afraid he might blow any minute. He felt pathetic how close he was with barely any touch, but the images inside his head were doing wonders to his libido. He squeezed his cock at the base, wanting to prolong the sensation pooling in his belly. Eren closed his eyes once more, turned around and put his back against the wall. He ran his other hand through his hair, moving the bangs away from his eyes as water cascaded down his arms and legs. Some part of him knew perfectly well that what he was doing was wrong but he was too far gone to stop now._

_He bit his lip hard, almost to the point of drawing blood and gave his dick an experimental tug. His breath quickened, the pressure of his fingers on his wet length feeling so good after such a long time of abstinence. He guided his other hand from the back of his head to his chest, and then to his right nipple. He tugged and caressed as his right hand gave lazy strokes to his prick, just enough to make him even harder but not enough to come. When his right nipple was achingly hard he moved his palm to the other, he pulled and fondled, bringing it to its full firmness as well. He opened his eyes and looked down at himself almost smirking how upright his light brown buds were, tinged with a shadow of red from his rough play._

_Then his hand travelled down, past his cock that was engulfed in his right palm and then towards his balls. He enjoyed the sensation of the touch on his almost hairless testicles, his fingertips caressing them, pressing against the sensitive skin of his scrotum. He squeezed them gently, and gave the faint pull. He liked it a little rough sometimes and it was one of those times. Eren was so turned on, hard beyond words, his shaft twitching in his hand with need and he wanted to come so badly he whined when he kneaded his testicles once more, applying a little bit more pressure. But the feeling of nearing orgasm was too pleasant, state of **almost** there tingling under his skin. He was enjoying standing just before the line that separated him from release, he wanted it to last just a little longer. He looked at his erection with hunger and need swarming through his every nerve; the water glistened on his shaft as it twitched whenever he tortured himself and stopped jerking his hand. The water gave a nice glide when he returned to the slow tugging on his aching member, with its foreskin fully pulled back. Despite the wetness of the shower, Eren still could recognize the smallest bead of pre-cum at the tip._

_Despite the fact that his lips were wet from the water cascading ahead Eren licked them hungrily at the sight, his throat suddenly parched. He moved his hand over his cock, to the tip and nipped his head's crest with his finger as a moan escaped him. He played with the head between his thumb and forefinger, making more of his slick pool at tip, while his other hand never stopped the light fondling on his balls. As he smeared the pre-cum over his length, he let his left hand venture lower and lower, past his perineum until the tips of his fingers met his hole. He pressed and then whined as a jolt of arousal shot through him while his right hand went back to the up and down motions on his dick. He parted his legs a bit more and started massaging the muscles around his entrance, applying just enough pressure to arouse but not to pushing them in. He was close, he could feel the climax nearing, all he had to do was to grip his dick firmer and quicken the movements of his hand._

_Eren wondered if he had a masochistic streak as he loosened his grasp put his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. The swarm of visions hit him all at once, the real and the imaginary. He saw Levi, on his couch but his version was naked, bare for Eren's eyes to feast, spread out on his back while his grey, piercing eyes looked at him. They were calling him, beckoning him to move closer._

_Eren bit his lip once more and then another vision came to him, as his fingers kept the pressure around his asshole, massaging and coddling. Levi there, with him in the shower, completely naked, and on his knees as water cascaded down his pale, muscled body. He kept his large hands firmly on Eren's thighs, rubbing them as he looked up at him, the wet hair clinging to his cheeks. He sent Eren his usual self-confident smirk as his eyes went from Eren to Eren's length, which imaginary or not, was dripping with his need. Levi stuck his tongue out, its deep red color contrasting with the whiteness of Levi's face and then he slid it slowly over his top and bottom lip. Eren let out a moan, almost a whine at that picture. Levi in Eren's imagination slowly moved his head towards his cock, his tongue's tip visible between his lips. And then that devilish tongue was licking his dick, lapping up at the tip and feasting on his pre-cum; Eren's knees almost buckled at that image that formed behind his tightly shut eyelids._

_Eren looked down at Levi's projection in his mind, past his tongue, past his lips that were slowly opening and hovering over the very tip of him, and then looked at Levi's own erection. A fleeting thought passed Eren as he wondered if his imagination was doing justice to the man sleeping in a room next to him. For some reason he imagined Levi to be uncut, just like him, maybe a bit longer? But he couldn't concentrate too much on the details as his own hands unconsciously started to speed up to the image of Levi engulfing his aching cock in his wet, warm mouth._

_Eren's movements became more and more frantic as the Levi in his mind started to move his head up and down, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked and drank all that dripped from his cock. Eren massaged his hole, applying a little more pressure, imagining it was Levi's fingers that were doing the teasing, the kneading but never breaking through that tight ring of muscle._

_Eren gripped his prick firmly, moments away from coming, the muscles in his ass clenching and tingling as he felt the pleasure nearing. He gave his tip one last nudge with his thumb, couple of more thugs to his dick and then he was seeing white, his cock shooting hard and fast, the faint vision of Levi swallowing all that he had to give in the back of his mind as his orgasm hit him. His knees buckled a little under him, his back pressed firmly against the wet wall while his muscles twitched and his whole body shuddered with pleasure. He barely registered the warmth of his release going down his shaft and fingers that he had wrapped around it. His orgasm lasted long; he was slowly going down from it, giving himself few last strokes that were almost too painful._

_After a long while, while his breathing evened out and he stopped biting his lip to suppress the scream that would've escaped him otherwise, Eren removed his left hand from underneath him, sliding the very tip of his finger out that he had pushed inside while lost in the sensation of cumming. His right hand hung loose at his side, his now flaccid member abandoned._

_Almost in a daze he washed his hair, his body and stepped out of now quite cold shower. He barely registered getting dressed and going to bed afterwards. The bewilderment that the hard orgasm left him in lasted almost until the point when he fell asleep. Only moments away before slipping into unconsciousness guilt of what he'd done hit him._

 

* * *

 

It was the same guilt that was swarming Eren's mind right now as he recalled what he had done last night. He felt low, like he somehow _used_ Levi, even when he knew it was not the case. Yet, he still thought that what he had done somehow defiled Levi's good name. And the worst part about all of it was that Levi had just started to open up to him and here he was, barely standing on his two feet in his kitchen, as memories of jerking off to Levi re-entered his mind.

No, that wasn't the worst. The worst was the small part of him that recalled the pleasure and the satisfaction that overtook him when he climaxed. The side of him that could still feel the tingling sensation of arousal. It pierced his skin as he imagined all those versions of Levi in his head. That side was filled with painful longing and need to feel the older man's touch on his skin. The desire was burning underneath his skin. And that part of him enjoyed this fantasy, reminded him how simply _good_ it felt, how _satisfying_ it was to just let go.

He hated that small voice in his head. And he hated the fact that he had suspicions that after last night, after realizing what it felt like to indulge himself in a moment of lust, he was more than likely to do it again. He was so weak but the realistic part of him told him that it was the only way for him to reach Levi carnally.

It was going to happen only in his mind.

After reprimanding himself, shoving the memories away from his mind, Eren pushed off the counter and busied himself with the breakfast. It was something he told Levi he would do after all. He had to get a grip. Not only did he need to put what happened last night behind him because it was oh so wrong in so many ways but otherwise he would not be able to stay with Levi in the same room. It would cost the few, very platonic, interactions he had with Levi to go haywire. He had to treasure things he had or his inner desires would destroy even this much.

After a short moment of pondering what he could make for breakfast, something nutritious but light for Levi's hanged-over stomach, he went to work.

He decided on toasts, butter, cherry, peach and strawberry jam to choose from, a whole-grain cereal Mikasa insisted on buying he thought tasted a bit lax but knew was good for upset stomach. He boiled some eggs, got bread, a fresh orange that he cut into eight and put it on a plate, then cut up some tomatoes into thin slices, got low fat turkey ham and cheese for eventual sandwiches. He also found some low-fat yoghurt, and then a carton of orange juice. He made tea in a jug to be a bit more efficient and set it with the rest of the things on the dining room's table, with plates, glasses, cutlery and napkins.

After stepping back and looking at all of it he felt heat pool at the back of his neck. He might have gone a _bit_ overboard. Almost half of the table was covered with food as his and Levi's empty plates lay opposite of each other.

Just as he was about to take a step forward and take some of the things back to the kitchen he heard he was out of luck. He could almost feel as Levi approached him from the side, walking through the living room area.

''Whoa! Are you actually expecting um… _company_? Because you know, you should've told me, I will scarce. I don't need…''

Eren turned around, hand on the back of his neck as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment, biting his lip nervously as he interrupted Levi.

"Nah, it's for us. I think I might've gone a bit overboard? I just didn't know what you might like…''

''A bit? That there is enough for at least a half a dozen people, Eren."

Eren could feel his cheeks go even warmer.

''But whatever you've got there – my stomach must like it because I am suddenly starving!''

Levi could practically see as Eren's whole being lit up as he smiled. He nodded and then they went to sit at the table. Levi wasn't (only) trying to make Eren feel better for going crazy with breakfast when he said it looked good, he was indeed suddenly famished. And he felt a tinge of relief when Eren said it was all for him, that he was in fact not waiting for anybody. Weird.

But never mind that. The food before him looked amazing and he didn't know what to try first. When he woke up he felt his guts clench painfully, frightening him that their scarce contents might want to come back up but that was over. Now his intestines were practically trying to eat themselves. His stomach was completely empty and he was saying a small prayer in his mind for it to not growl. Levi was certain that if it did Eren would hear it, his neighbours as well.

He looked around and decided on a toast, put some peach jam on it, poured the warm tea from the pitcher and after a second of thought got himself two teaspoons of sugar. They were silent for a while as they both ate. Well, Levi more or less vacuumed off any food he put on his plate, feeling Eren's subtle glances his way but he couldn't care at the moment.

After two toasts with jam, he made himself a sandwich with ham and tomatoes, then ate one hard boiled egg with some mayo. When he finished biting into one of the slices of the orange, feeling its bittersweet juice going down his fingers, Levi finally felt sated and that it might be safe to slow down. When he looked up from his orange, Eren was looking at him weird.

After swallowing last of orange's pulp, he spoke.

''What is it, Eren?'' Levi licked a bit of the juice off his thumb.

Eren was quiet for a moment as if frozen and then his eyes were back to his own sandwich and orange juice he had in his cup.

''N-nothing. It's just, I guess you were hungry?''

''You could tell? Really?'' Levi said with sarcasm. He was aware he might've just eaten his meal with childish enthusiasm but it was stronger than him. ''Sorry I don't seem all uptight and mind my manners all the time.''

''What? N-no! I am just glad that you like it. I mean I didn't do much except the toasts I guess but…''

''Calm down, brat. It was all good. Really.''

Eren beamed with a smile on his face once more and went back to his sandwich.

''But you did go crazy with the amount.''

Eren's cheeks went pink.

''Um, then what would you say if I said that it wasn't all?''

''Huh?''

And just then Levi heard a faint beeping and Eren got up. He followed him with his eyes into the kitchen, where the younger man got mittens, opened the oven and took the tinware out of it. There were about a dozen of delicious looking muffins inside and when the smell hit Levi's nostrils he could feel himself salivating. They were perfect shade of brown, sprinkled with what Levi guessed was melted chocolate and the smell was trying to convince Levi's stomach that it still had some space left. It was doing its job well; Levi just knew he had to get a bite out of one those beauties or maybe three.

But when he had a moment to swallow any excessive saliva that was threatening to escape his mouth a thought hit him and he had to voice it while Eren started to take the muffins and put them into a large plate.

''Ok, I know I tend to take long showers but I had no idea I was gone _that_ long. How the fuck did you manage to make all of this for breakfast **and** the freaking muffins?''

Eren's ears went a bit red as he shrugged his shoulders.

''I'm kinda really efficient in the kitchen? It's thanks to my mom. She's a cook. Well she organizes parties now. Actually right now she stays home with Kiri but _originally_ she’s a cook. I…She thought me how to cook, well more like tried to. I can cook decent, average, but not like her.''

''And this,'' Levi pointed to the perfect looking muffins. ''is your idea of average? Whipped up in an instant too?''

Eren smiled and actually looked a little smug.

''No. But that's baking. Baking, well, I am good with baking.''

Eren's posture straightened up and he emanated pride. But Levi had to hand it to him, he had every right. Levi could still remember the cookies he devoured at the party and how delicious they were. His deeply hidden secret was that he had a gigantic sweet tooth. But just how he wasn't about to tell Eren how delicious those muffins looked, he also wasn't about to admit to his embarrassing secret. Though he had a tiny feeling Eren might already know. He was barely keeping himself seated when all he wanted was grab the tasty looking treat and bite it, heat be damned.

''Well, are you just gonna stand there like an idiot or bring them over? Let's see if they're worth anything.'' Levi tried to put the most neutral act as possible while inside he was fidgeting.

He hoped that Eren's smug and all knowing smirk was only his imagination as he took the plate and came back to the dining room.

''We should wait a while until they cool, Levi.'' Eren said as he set the plate to the side. Levi nodded and looked back to Eren who sat back down on his seat. He was trying his hardest not to eye the bowl but the smell, now ten times stronger because of muffins’ proximity, was making it a bit hard. Eren smiled at him suspiciously but said nothing. ''Um, now that you ate and all can we talk? Your head doesn't hurt anymore, does it?''

''Only a little, but I hate taking pills. I can deal. What do you want to suddenly talk about?''

Eren poured himself some more orange juice, got one of the slices of the orange but just put it on his plate. He was stalling for some reason but Levi let him. After a while he spoke.

''I called Krista earlier.''

Levi's jaw tightened and suddenly he was tense once more. He actually managed to forget his troubles all this time, he had relaxed and enjoyed the breakfast with Eren, well like lunch seeing as it was nearing almost 1 p.m.. And that one sentence brought it all back; all the pressure, stress and anxiety. He couldn't remember the last time, (if ever) he really let his brain shut off like that. But now the troubles resurfaced and it actually hit Levi twice fold now.

''And?'' Levi was surprised how leveled his voice was.

Eren sent him a weak smile and a tiny glimmer of hope bloomed inside Levi.

''Well, I had to tell her about Erwin and his relation to you.'' Eren looked away, seeming a bit ashamed, guilty maybe?

''Of course you did, Eren.''

''But I didn't ask you how…''

''Doesn't matter. Continue.'' Levi said, a bit quickly and then after a thought added. ''Please.''

Eren relaxed once more.

''Well, I told her about Erwin, who he was to you, and then all the details you shared with me about your…situation. And of course I told her where the problem was at the moment. She was mad, kinda like I was yesterday. But hell, I never thought I would hear Krista say some of the things she did to describe Erwin's parents. At one point, Ymir came over asking what was wrong.'' Eren chuckled at the memory and then his eyes widened. ''She didn't tell her of course! Krista said she would treat it as client's confidentiality.''

''So she's going to take the case?'' Levi sat up, his breath stuck in his lungs.

''Well, not exactly. She said it wasn't her league so to speak, she usually doesn't do cases like these but she said she will try her hardest to find somebody beyond good for you. She told me you might as well feel like you have a new lawyer already. She asked me to tell you she needs all the paperwork you have on it. I guess your former lawyer has those?'' Levi nodded, ridiculous happiness bubbling inside of him. ''I've got Krista's email details, I'll get those for you later and give you her phone number, that way you can contact each other. She already has yours.''

Levi nodded again. He knew this just the tip of an iceberg, this was all a gray area, full of ''ifs'' and ''maybes'' but he wasn't in a useless position anymore. A big weight got lifted off his heart.

''I really hope everything works out, Levi. No. I am sure it will. Krista is one stubborn little shit, and I say that with all the tenderness. She will help you.''

''I don't get why she would…''

''Because she's your friend?''

''No, Eren. She's _your_ friend. To me, she's an acquaintance at most.''

Eren send him a kind yet a slightly sad smile.

''You might see it that way, but you're my friend, Levi. And Krista is my very close friend. To her it's enough. You're her friend. Plus, I think she kinda likes you.''

''Now you're just spouting bullshit. But let's leave it at that.''

Eren decided to indulge Levi but in his mind he recalled the interactions of Levi and Krista at the party that one time. It was hard not to smile as he remembered how silly Krista acted around Levi. True, she was drunk but Eren knew Krista. She liked Levi and she would do all she could to help him.

Although it was a bit bittersweet how Krista told him how sorry she was about Levi's situation. And not only because of Erwin's condition. The fact that Eren was in a useless position with his feelings towards Levi was left unsaid between them. She was distressed about that as well. Of course that part of conversation was only for Eren to know.

''Right. Well, you can take a muffin now, I guess. They should be still warm but not too hot.''

Eren had to bite his lip and look away, take a sip of his juice as a distraction, anything to keep himself from chuckling at sparkles in Levi's eyes. His hand practically flung to that bowl but it seemed he got a hold of himself at the last minutes and bit into the treat calmly.

But a very quiet moan of satisfaction still escaped him and it did only thing it could – it went straight to Eren's groin.

This time he had to take that sip of juice for all other reasons.

When Levi was done with his first muffin and starting the second, a small mumble of _'they're good'_ somewhere in between, Eren trusted his palms not to tremble and took one for himself. About fifteen minutes later they were both sated and got up to clean up. With Levi's help they were done quickly while Eren had to reprimand himself when he thought how _domestic_ everything felt.

''Um, would you mind waiting until I take a shower? Or I guess you want to go home now? Though I still have to get you those socks and…''

''Go on. I'll wait. Who knows, maybe I'll negotiate with your stupid mutt about getting my own back?''

''Good luck with that. And I'll be quick. I took one last…n-night, so…''

Gosh, Eren really did not need to say that out loud but the words were on his tongue before he even knew it. And he stumbled on them of course. He was doing great today, acting like a freaking school girl with a crush.

Eren did as promised and made it quick. It was partly because Levi was waiting for him but also because he really did not want to stay in his own shower for too long. He had a suspicion that he would be using the hallway's bathroom more often in the nearest future.

After he got dressed, wrote down all of Krista's contact information she sent him, he went back to the living room. He decided it was decent to get dressed into something more than sweats and a t-shirt, even if it was something he would have been wearing on his day off. So he put on a pair of faded jeans and a shirt that didn't look like he went through war in it. He forgone socks, he figured he wasn't going anywhere today.

When Eren entered the living room and didn't see Levi, he opened his mouth to speak but then noticed him next to the bookshelves on the opposite wall. He was absorbed in some book he must've taken off the shelf. Eren didn't want to interrupt him but also didn't want to startle him so he approached quietly. He stood a short distance away as he waited for Levi to finish. But after a long while Eren realized Levi might be too far gone, whatever he was reading engrossing him completely. He had no choice and delicately nudged his elbow.

Just as Eren predicted, Levi jumped up a little, surprised by his presence in the room or maybe even in the world. Levi has gone wholly into another world.

He looked at Eren, shock on his face, as if he wanted to ask what he was doing there but got it under control seconds later. After he put on a very fake face of indifference Eren could recognize as a small defensive mechanism, he spoke.

''You actually read this?'' Levi pointed to the small book in his hand and Eren looked at the cover. He couldn't help smiling. Levi actually took the one that was his favorite. ''It's a kid's comic book.''

Eren frowned a little.

''For your information, it's not a comic, it's a manga. There's a difference. And a big one.''

''Oh my, you actually sound offended.'' Levi sent him a twisted smirk.

''Well, I am. And another thing – this series is amazing, it's one of my favorite. No. _The_ favorite one. First one I got into as well. Plus, you seemed quite immersed in it yourself if I might say so myself. I stood here for good ten minutes and you still hadn't noticed.''

''Well, I was trying to figure out how you read this at first. It's all upside down or something.''

Levi looked away, setting the book back in its place, but Eren could see him eyeing it. He decided to be a little compassionate towards Levi's sense of pride and nonchalantly walked towards the couch while speaking.

''The instruction how to read is at the end, which is a normal beginning for books.'' But Eren figured Levi found that because he was sure he has seen him turn page after page, reading. ''It's a Japanese manga and that's how you read in Japan – from right to left and top to bottom. Easy to adjust after a few books. And if you want to borrow something, feel free. All the other guys do. They just take whatever. As long as it comes back to me in the same state, I am very thorough with _that_ , borrow anything. Jean is the one that always scans the bookshelves in search if I bought something new. He won't admit it, of course. Especially when he takes BL novels. And really,'' Eren sat down on the couch, leaning on the supporter as it was now folded back into a seating option. ''That one you picked up is really good. FMA, that's short for Fullmetal Alchemist, is beyond great. Nice choice.'' Eren left it at that, the last thing he needed was to start a ramble about his favorite book. He knew how it usually ended – couple of hours later that is.

The whole time Eren was letting Levi buy his time as he pretended to stretch, fix his pant's leg as he casually looked towards Levi. He was finishing up putting away few volumes into his bag. Levi looked at him but Eren acted as if he's seen nothing. Eren could barely handle how Levi was acting this whole morning. Eren could really feel him becoming more and more at ease around him. It did wonders to Eren's insides. It was wonderful and terrible all at the same time.

''Anyway, here is all Krista's info.'' Eren got up once more and extended his hand. ''Her phone numbers: cell, home and office just in case. There's fax, email and her office's address. She said to call her anytime. As long as she's not in court she will pick up.''

Levi walked up to Eren, swinging his bag over his shoulder and took the paper. He looked at it for a moment. Eren could see him eying the letters and number, as if it was a lifeline. And in a way it was. For Erwin.

''Thank you, Eren. Really.'' Levi said without looking up from the paper.

''It's nothing. I mean, I didn't really help, yet. It still…''

''No. You did. Thank you.'' The last two words Levi said while looking Eren straight into his eyes.

They were only an arm's length away. Twice in a matter of barely twenty four hours they were closer than one would deem normal. Levi was looking into his eyes with such fierce sincerity Eren was caught aghast. Whatever was left unsaid, whatever Levi did not know how to put into words was spoken by his gaze alone. Eren could see appreciation and gratitude in the gray orbs he came to adore. Most of the time they were piercing, carrying a tinge of mystery behind them, but now they were soft, calm and soothing. Sincere.

Eren got caught in that gaze, his lips parting. He wanted to say something but it got stuck in his throat. He wasn't even sure what exactly he wanted to tell Levi but a lump was preventing words from leaving his mouth. Eren felt himself take a half a step forward, why – he did not know, but Levi didn't move away. Eren wanted to lean in, to lessen the distance between them, to feel Levi's warmth so much, the desire to act was almost overwhelming.

But then he remembered. What that sincerity was for, why Levi was letting his guard down. That he was thanking Eren for his help considering his _comatose partner_. That Levi's gratitude was as big as his feelings for Erwin. Levi was showing appreciation, a side he probably thought to be weak and here he was, doing what?

Being a lowlife; trying to take advantage of that. How would that make him look? Eren knew all too well.

Like an asshole. It would look like he was trying to get something back for his help. It was awful. _He_ was awful. Terribly longing for a man that he knew he could not have.

Thankfully that whole reprimanding thought hit him and he stopped before he could do something stupid. Something he couldn't take back. He only hoped Levi didn't notice anything.

He stood in his place, not to make a sudden retreat look suspicious and smiled. He gave his one thousand watt smile and put on a mask of indifference. Levi could be an enigma with his expressionless appearance but Eren knew his own amount about pretending.

''You're very welcome, Levi. Krista will get those fuckers. I just know it.''

Levi got out of his car, glad to be finally home. He really enjoyed the time he spent with Eren, felt that it had taken loads off his mind and heart but it still felt good to be walking the few steps that separated him from his front door. He was still brushing the paper with Krista's information that rested in his jacket's pocket with his fingers, hoping to call her as soon as he stepped inside when he realized there was actually somebody waiting for him next to his front door.

When he saw who it was, he didn't even bother holding back a groan. Hanji sent him a look that said she wasn't entertained in the least by his lack of happiness at the sight of her.

''What do you want, Four-Eyes? I am tired.''

"Ooooo! Don't say?!"

Suddenly she was all giddy, sending him her smirk, practically jumping up in her spot. She waited as he got his keys to open the door. He got them, put the key in but didn't turn it and looked at her.

''Let me guess! You were at Eren's, weren't you?'' He knew her well so he was aware she was just moments away from clapping her hands with happiness.

''Come on, stop it four-eyes. I know what you're thinking, so stop. I drank and stayed over, that's all. There was no funny business. Eren and I didn't do anything.''

''Um, I wasn't going to? I just figured you guys made up once and for all and was happy. This time _I_ wasn't actually thinking about any funny business.''

Hanji's smile lessened and then her face took up a calm, understanding look.

Levi knew she was serious, that she wasn't sending or thinking of any subtext meaning to his staying over.

But **he** was.

A thought of that possibility, even if it was for a brief moment, went through his mind. It was a first. Never before did he even entertain thoughts of this kind with anyone. It had never appeared to him to let his mind wander in those directions. Yet he allowed such ideas to enter his brain, he let them swarm his head. He thought of it and what? He wasn't sure. He didn't know what or why but here he was, _allowing_ himself to think about it.

He looked at Hanji, hoping he was masking his own shock and confusion. But a part of him knew he failed, that something passed between them and Hanji understood it. Some kind comprehension settled inside Levi.

He had taken another step forward, one of a very different kind. One he yet did not know the meaning of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, can you _see_ the date? It hasn't even been a month since the last update and I already started the small plot notes on the next one o.o But it's the 22nd chapter that I can't wait to write hehe, [tiny-heichou](http://tiny-heichou.tumblr.com) knows what I am talking about :p  
>  Another note - **_the_** scene with Eren - I confess I did not have it in plans at all but then I read one of the comments on the last chapter about what in the world could Levi be doing and it said ''Is he masturbating?!'' which at first - I had a good belly laugh about but then I thought - 'Hmmm....why not, it might actually fit into the plot line here.' *evil smirk* But let's make someone else do **that** ^__^ So if the smut was awful, you know who to blame :p (Kidding of course!! Only I am to blame for that scene *__* ) but if for some reason you enjoyed it, then you can thank FaoriE for their lovely comment :D


	19. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the cause for this difference?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you're seeing correctly, it's an update! I am just as surprised as you guys might be ^_^  
> But things got a bit out of hand and scenes that I didn't not plan squeezed themselves in so hence this chapter :D The next one is gonna have something I did plan on and something unplanned, and it's gonna be the 23rd now that I cannot wait to write (last time it was supposed to be 22nd but _things_ happened :p )  
>  So this chapter is really quick compared to how I update lately but it might feel kinda like a filler? I hope you won't mind it too much ^_^  
> Enjoy!  
> [My tumblr](http://darkshadekristen.tumblr.com)

"Levi…"

"Not a word, Hanji. Not now." Levi cut her off before she could continue as he stepped into his house. He left the door open as silent invitation for her to follow. But just because he was letting her in did not mean he wanted to hear her thoughts. He had more pressing matters at hand. "I do not want to hear it. Not now. Well, I usually do not want to hear what you have to say in general but life isn't that good to let my wish come true. So, shut it. At least for now. I have to make a phone call."

He threw his bag on the large sofa that stood against the wall and took out his cell phone. He started to feel the fatigue of the hangover hit him once more so he plopped down on the settee next to the sofa. He didn't even face Hanji as he started to dial the number from the paper he now held in his hand. All he needed to do at the moment was to concentrate on was making this phone call. Other things, no matter what they were, had to wait. Even if they concerned…

Phone call. That was the extent of things he needed to think about now.

He held the phone to his ear as he waited, listening to the signal. Only after three, somebody picked up. When he spoke, he did it with his business tone, the one he used at work.

''Good afternoon. Krista? It's Levi, Eren's…''

''Oh! Hello Levi!'' He received a chipper answer. "No need for formalities with me. Come on, you've seen me get drunk off my ass, right?'' Levi fought the smile that tried to appear on his face. "Whatever face I could have saved, it's all lost now."

"That is not true. Your behavior was very entertaining at the least."

"Thanks." Levi could hear her sarcasm. "But never mind that. I figure you are calling about my help?''

"Your guess is correct. Eren told me I could call you any time so… I know it's Sunday, but it's an important matter to me."

"Of course. I figure Eren passed on what I told him. I'll try to find someone for you, I promise you, Levi. But no matter, I need the copies of the documentation from the course of the case. If I find someone, I'll just forward those to them. I mean, unless you don't want me seeing the details, I am not your actual lawyer so, I'd understand."

"No. I'll send them to you today. I have some of them on my computer, some I'll fax. Is that okay?"

"Perfect. It's a Sunday, so I am obviously not at the office at the moment. But I will start my hunt tomorrow. How about you give me until Wednesday? I'll call you then and give you all the details?"

"I would appreciate it. I want to thank you in advance for…"

"Oh, shush. You will thank me when we make those fuckers… Ok, I will stop now, because Ymir tells me I might make you think I am _unprofessional_."

Levi actually chuckled at that. After few last words, he disconnected the call. When he set his phone on the coffee table, he finally looked at Hanji who was lounging on the sofa.

''Why exactly are you here?'' Now that he had a moment of quiet, he realized there was no reason for Hanji to visit him.

''What, I cannot visit my best friend just because?" Levi gave her a look that said he wasn't buying it. "Oh, alright. Not this time, but I can, just so you know." She very maturely stuck the tip of her tongue at him. "I actually called you a couple of times last night but you didn't answer. It's work related, I would wait until tomorrow but it's kinda a pressing matter. I would do it myself but…"

"Alright. I get it. May I remind you that I am the main boss, so I should be the one handling most of the work; it's just that yesterday…"

"Really, Levi? You're trying to give _me_ that shit? You are a bit preoccupied, if it wasn't for that, things would be different. We both know you are no slacker. But that's why you made me your partner. I like the higher pay, sure, but I accept additional responsibilities. So please, put a sock in it. But that can wait. Well, I called you last night but you didn't pick up. I called you today morning as well but still no answer. It's not like you not to call back and I simply got worried. So here I am. At your house, after witnessing you dragging your ass from a night out at…"

"No."

"But I haven't…"

"Quiet."

"Come on, Levi. There's nothing…"

Levi took a deep breath, looked down at his tightened fists. When he spoke he kept his gaze low, trying to remain as calm and cold as possible.

"I swear to every deity, if you know what's good for you, you _will_ keep quiet. I don't want to… I can't do this right now.''

They both knew what was being left unsaid. Levi knew of the few thoughts that managed to invade his mind, while Hanji knew what they were simply by his face expression. The moment of realization of this _something_ that happened inside Levi was obvious. It was loud and clear.

But that did not mean Levi was about to acknowledge it. And he sure as hell wasn't about to let Hanji do it for him.

A big part of him already decided to disregard it. He could bet it was just a moment of weakness, a hangover induced insanity on his part.

He heard Hanji sigh and when he looked up at her, she nodded. Before they went on about work business he swore he saw her send him this sad filled and compassionate smile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Eren. Eren. Eren, are you listening to me?"

Eren looked behind, panting and wheezing from the exercise. He put his wrapped up hands on his thighs as he leaned down.

"What is it, Mikasa?" After few more breaths and taking a few sips of water from the bottle he had nearby, he went back to beating up the punching bag hanging in one of the rooms in Mikasa's workplace.

"Of course I do not mind you calling you needed to let some steam off at my place, I was already heading here anyway but would you mind sharing why the sudden need? If it's about the usual problem then all the better you are punching the bag but…"

"No. It's not about that this time. I promise. I hadn't had an incident in two months now. I am sorry I slipped that time. I was just…feeling really low and bad about myself.''

"Come on, Eren. You don't have to apologize for that. I am glad you were honest with me that time. A lot of the times you just tell Armin…''

Eren stopped in mid kick, his leg hanging in the air. He slowly let it down and turned around, this time he faced Mikasa with his whole body. She was sitting with her leg crossed on one of the mats, sipping some water lazily. She had her own exercise session a little before he came. With her left hand she was scratching behind Titan's ear that was happily snoozing next to her.

"That is not true." She just looked at him, her face a little sad. "Is it?'' He asked with his voice barely above whisper as if he suddenly realized the truth behind her words. She nodded. He walked up to her and sat nearby. "You know I don't mean to, right?"

"I know. I think it's easier for you to talk to Armin. Maybe, because he's a guy? I dunno."

"Oh, come on. You know that's bullshit. I told you first about my first time with a guy!'' Mikasa graced him with a faint trace of a blush. But it was true, he felt comfortable with talking to her about those kinds of things, the same way he felt comfortable doing so with Armin. "But I am guessing it's not what we're talking about right now, is it?''

"No. Your sex life is not the topic here. At least not now. Maybe later." She sent him a smug smile. They both knew it was nonexistent and she was clearly rubbing it in. "I feel like you're quicker to talk to him maybe because I judge you more? Even when I don't mean to."

"No. It's not right. You never judge me, M. I know you. You'd hide a body with me if I ever killed someone, not sell me to the cops." She nodded after a thought and smiled.

Eren liked her smile; it was kind of rare because she was quite a composed person. Some thought she was cold, distant but those closer to her knew it was not the case. She was a little closed off but the ones dear to her heart always felt her love and affection in the smallest of ways. One of those was that pretty smile of hers. Her lips turned up just a fraction but her whole expression changed. Her eyes shined, decorated with small, sparkling stars that brightened up those beautiful dark gray orbs, her complexion glowed and her expression became soft and soothing. There was no doubt about the fact that she was an amazingly beautiful woman. Her body was sculpted, rippled muscles gained because of hours of hard work and unimaginable amount of sweat. Her limbs long and lean, delicate looking but Eren knew how much strength they held, how powerful the kicks and hits they inflicted could be. Mikasa was a pillar, a strong person inside and out but gentle all at the same time.

"See? That's the thing. You'd do anything to protect me. And that might be the problem. While I love you and Armin the same Armin helps me find my own way even if it might lead me to heartache. While you, you always try to protect me. But that's how you are. And I adore that about you, but I am an adult now, M. You can't do that all the time but it's ingrained in you. You are our guardian. Mine, Armin's and the rest of the guys. But I don't like to be protected, at least not all the time. You know how _well_ I do with restrictions." They eyed each other and both knew perfectly well Eren was referring to his father. "So maybe you are right, I go to Armin and I admit that sometimes I don't tell you some things. At least not right away. But I would never, ever leave you out of important things in my life. Sometimes I need Armin, sometimes I need you. Like today. I just hope you are not mad when I don't.''

''Of course not. I just worry about you, Eren. You're my brother. The blood doesn't matter."

"You say that even when you had a crush on me while younger?" Eren nudged her side with his finger, something to lighten the mood.

''Come on! How long are you gonna bring that up. I was young and stupid! Kids make mistakes!''

"I think you just insulted me."

"I think I did." Mikasa smiled once more but this time it was filled with pride and smugness. "But you failed to answer my question, Eren. What caused this visit? I can see something's bothering you."

"You're not gonna like what I have to say." Eren wasn't sure if it was Mikasa he needed for this conversation or if it was Armin or maybe if he needed to shut up and play dumb. There was too much turmoil inside him for him to make a correct judgment.

"Is it about the shorty?"

"Come on! Don't call him that. I know he's not too tall but…"

"He's short, Eren."

"But you don't need to call him that. He has a name, Mikasa. Even if you don't like him, he still has one.'' Eren grumbled and started to unwrap one of the energy bars Mikasa brought for them.

"Sorry. And I do not _not_ like him. I just don't know him. Plus, I can see how much pain he's causing you."

"He's not!" Eren looked up and almost yelled, once more defending Levi's name. Mikasa actually looked shocked that he would raise his voice like that. Eren looked down, taking a bite of the treat. "It's not his fault that…That I… I am the stupid one here. I knew the circumstances, I knew the state the things were in and I still chose to ignore them like the fool that I am."

"Eren, you are not a fool. You just didn't think. You simply _felt_. You went with your heart, that's the kind of person you are." Eren looked up at her, shocked. "Come on, you really thought I wouldn't see what was going on. How you looked at him, how you laughed at those profanities he called jokes? The whole party you followed him with your gaze, Eren. Only an idiot wouldn't see that you f…"

"Don't say it!" Eren actually lifted his hand and put it over her mouth. She could not say it; she could not utter those words.

She gently moved his hand aside.

"I won't, Eren. Not if you do not want me to. I might not like him, but I don't hate Levi either. Whatever it is you see in him, god knows I have no idea, makes you happy. It makes you glow like you once did before the accident. You might not realize it but you became different after it. And even after three years some part of the old you hasn't come back. Until now. So the circumstances aside, as dire as they might be, and as hard as I might want to protect you from the impending heartache that probably awaits you, I think you need to say it. I think you want to say it out loud but you're terrified there will be no turning back once you do. But you know what, Eren? It's already too late for that. There's no turning back at this point and you can only move forward."

Eren was quite surprised. He was sure Mikasa would tell him to move on and throw Levi to the curb. But she didn't for whatever reason. Was he really that transparent with his feeling for the older man? If so, what if Levi found out?! What if he already did?!

But that was a problem for another day.

Eren looked at Mikasa, at her confident expression, seeing the certainty she felt behind what she was saying. She was not hastening him in any way, just looking and waiting for his response.

"Mikasa, I think… No. There's no _I think_. I did. I'd f-fallen for him. I had fallen in love with Levi.''

There it was. Out in the world. He said it. The words left his mouth but it changed nothing. It brought no sudden solution to his problems. The only thing it did was make his mouth go dry and his heart ache. Mikasa smiled at him in return, but this smile was sorrowful; it told him she knew how hopeless this love of his was.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Yes. Of course. Tomorrow, then. Yes. Thank you.''

Levi pressed the red icon button and put his phone away. He walked further into the office, scanning for the person he needed to talk to after that phone call. They had another client interested in their firm, wanting them to make a design for their product. Levi felt it was nearing the time he would have to hire another person, maybe some kind of intern to run the small errands, make coffee and all that shit while they also learned the skills from his team. When he was starting the firm they had enough time on their hands to deal with those things themselves but that was long gone now.

He reached Oruo's desk and clapped the man on his shoulder. He jumped up a little in surprise. He was staring straight ahead and did not see Levi coming up to him from the side. Oruo looked up and gulped. He knew he was caught lazing around. But Levi didn't care about that. As long as they had their work done in the end and it was up to his standards, then Levi didn't mind some slacking off from time to time. Everyone needed to take a breath.

"Cool it. I came to ask about the project you're working on. Are you maybe close to being done?"

"But it's not due until…"

"I know. Just asking what phase you're at."

"Um, I am actually practically done with it. Though I was still planning to look it over for eventual…"

"Send it to me. I'll look it over. Don't worry about it. I bet it's good. I actually need you to starting thinking about another design. My lunch meeting paid off and we practically have another signed deal. They just want to see some very rough drafts for this." Levi put the file he had under his arm on Oruo's desk. Oruo looked it over, already mumbling to himself, probably going over ideas he could use. Levi smirked and decided to leave his employee to his thoughts.

But before he walked away Oruo looked up. Yet he did not look at Levi. Once more he sent a fleeting look ahead and this time Levi followed his gaze. He almost scoffed. Of course that's where he was looking. Levi took a step back and once more stood next to Oruo, who had a longing look on his face as he gazed at Petra who was going over something with Erd. The two were chuckling from time to time. Every time Petra laughed, the smile on Oruo's face became more apparent. Levi didn't know what came over him but the words were out of his mouth before he knew it.

"You should simply ask her out, you know? I don't recall any fine print in your contract against relationships between colleagues."

Oruo startled, as if just realizing Levi was still there. He looked at him and his gaze widened more and more with each passing moment, like the meaning behind his words was very slowly getting to him.

"L-Levi?"

"Oh, don't play dumber than you are and just do it. She's waiting for it." Levi started to walk away from the dumbfounded Oruo but then turned around to tease him one last time. He kept on walking but this time backwards as he spoke. "Do it fast, before **I** do."

Levi was scared Oruo's eyes were gonna pop out, that's how wide he opened them. Before he could see Levi's smirk and realize he was spouting bullshit, Levi turned around yet again and went straight to his office.

What he didn't see was Gunther approach Oruo's desk. He saw and heard everything that just took place. He leaned against Oruo's chair.

"Is that really our boss?"

Oruo only nodded, still in shock. He wasn't even sure with which more – the fact that Levi was giving him advice on dating or if it was that friendly teasing that so wasn't like him.

"Levi's changed lately, hasn't he?" Oruo barely got out.

"Yeah. I think he did. I also think we finally have our boss back." Gunther responded as he smiled to himself and then he looked up at Erd. He sent his boyfriend a wink, a promise to explain everything later.

 

 

"Tell your boss that…" Levi said to Nile, who was sitting on the couch next to him in his office, Hanji was strategically seated next to Levi, thank the heavens. He wanted to continue the thought but the woman that called herself his business partner kept fidgeting, checking her cell phone every few minutes and he just about had it. "What's wrong, Hanji? You keep checking that damned phone every five minutes."

She put it behind her instantly, trying to send him her innocent but also apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry, Levi. I just didn't expect to stay so late today, and I had some plans that… But never mind, let's get back to work."

Levi would have gone along with it if he didn't see how she eyed the phone. It was obvious that whatever it was she had planned, whatever message or call she was waiting for, were important to her. While the thought killed him, and the vision of what he was about to do made him shiver with annoyance, he still knew he was doing the _right_ thing. The Four-Eyes dealt with his sudden departures plenty of times for a long time now, he wouldn't be a complete douche and not pay back at least some of his debts.

"It's alright. It's true it's a bit late now. You can go. I'll manage, I **am** the boss."

When Levi saw the hopeful look on her face, he knew right away he made the right choice. But she still eyed Nile very subtly, a silent message sent between them. They both knew he could handle the work related problems alone; the question remained if he could handle _the client._

Levi nodded as an answer to the unspoken question.

"Thanks, Levi. I'll owe you one."

"No, you won't and we both know it. Now scram, woman."

She grinned at him that maniac looking smile of hers and moments later she had gathered her things and was out of the office. That left him and Nile as the sole souls at his workplace. He tried to put on the most boring, business-like look on his face as he turned back around. He continued his talk about work like his conversation with Hanji had never happened. He actually managed to talk over few things for a couple of minutes and was hoping that maybe this one time things would go smoothly, that Nile finally had gotten the hint Levi was anything but interested.

But his hope died quickly.

When he finished going over one of the matters concerning the project, awaiting Nile's answer to his question, the man smiled at him. Levi was people-impaired - it was obvious he had almost no skills when it came to reading others but even he saw the subtext under that smile. When Nile spoke, it made things even more obvious.

"Wait a second; let me sit next to you. That way I can see these plans better."

Levi remained silent while gritting his teeth - his only source of staying sane at the moment.

When Nile swiftly walked around and sat on the sofa next to Levi, he left very little to imagination about his intentions. With the proximity that remained between them - there was barely any - it was obvious what the man was doing. Levi did everything he could to move away from the taller man unnoticed; he managed to do so only an inch or two, but that lasted only a second and soon Nile was already back, his large body almost plastered to Levi's. Their thighs were touching, Nile's hand that was on his own leg, faintly brushing Levi's knee as he leaned down a little to look at the papers spread out on the table. When Levi said nothing for a long moment, he looked at him and sent him another of those vile smiles. Levi practically felt the lump form in his throat when he registered Nile's breath on his skin.

It made him nauseous, sick in his stomach and his whole body was screaming to move away, but the sofas supporter made it impossible. Levi felt trapped, a cage in form of Nile's body suffocating him.

But this was work and Levi somehow managed to take few shallow breaths, swallowed excessive spit that gathered in his mouth and decided to ignore Nile's behaviour. He would play dumb and unaware, as always.

"As you can see here, the things that your boss suggested are unwise. The information we gathered... "

Levi was fooled into a fake sense of security once more as he went on. It was true that Nile was still uncomfortably close to him and Levi had no space to move away but it seemed that he was actually listening. When he was done with the topic at hand, Levi looked up at Nile, meaning to ask a question but the distance of Nile's face from his made him startle. Levi automatically sat up straight, his back against the couch, as he put as much space as possible between them. Though Levi could feel his vein pulsing, his blood boiling with anger and rage, he still managed to keep a professional tone of voice as he spoke.

"Were you even listening to me? Because I realize it's after hours, and you might be tired. If so, we can reschedule…"

"Sorry, I was distracted."

"That's why I think it would be better if we make an…"

"I concentrated too much on looking at you."

Ok, this one Levi had no way to ignore. He stopped mid sentence and looked at Nile a little bit shocked for a moment. He did not expect the man to be so forward all of a sudden. Up until now he was very vague about his advances, acting in a way Levi knew how to somewhat deal with but this situation here was different.

And the fact that he was tired, eight p.m. nearing and he started his day today before seven in the morning, had two lunch meetings outside his office and one hour long phone conference did not help at all.

He had his share of dealing with people to last him for three days at the least.

Levi had enough so he just scoffed at Nile and got up, moving away from him as fast and as far away as possible. He walked behind his desk, making it into some symbolic form of defense. With his back turned to his annoying client, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he looked through the window at the picture of city at night, he spoke.

"Yes, it was a long day for both of us. Call our office tomorrow, Hanji will get you another date we can meet. Unless your boss wants to hear the details tomorrow then I will make sure to call him."

Levi was so wrapped up in his head, trying to calm down, lessen his anger as well some faint panic that lingered inside, that he did not hear Nile approach. While he was mad at the man for his advances, he also simply felt uncomfortable how Nile completely ignored his personal space. And Levi liked his personal space very much just the way it was - big, untouched and undisturbed. Only few people had access to it and Nile was not one of them.

Levi was a little startled when he heard Nile's voice so close by, almost next to him. It was obvious he walked around the large desk and up to Levi. But Levi pretended not to care and besides the almost nonexistent wince, he stayed unmoved.

"Oh, come on Levi. Let's not make it hard. I know you…"

"I do not know whatever you might _think_ you know, but this meeting is over, Mr. Dok. We will reschedule for another time."

"So, you're playing the hard to get, huh? It makes it even more exciting for me, so…"

That right there was the extent of how much cockiness Levi could handle. He spun around to see Nile, who was once more way much closer than Levi let people approach him. He ignored it and sent the taller man his coldest glare, leaving nothing to imagination just how pissed off he was.

He had tried to play it Hanji's way - ignore it, brush it off, keep in mind this could affect their job. But fuck that! They signed the contract, hell with enduring this brute!

"No, I am not fucking playing hard to get! I am playing nothing! I am fucking unavailable! In a relationship! There's no playing hard to get here, so just finish your excuse of advances because I am also **far** from interested!"

Levi was sure his outburst would ruffle Nile at least a little but he was in for a shock. That bastard kept on smiling as he took a small step forward.

"Yes, but I heard the rumors. I know your partner…"

That was the end of the line. Levi saw red and only the knowledge that this scumbag so wasn't worth him spending a night in jail or maybe even worse, stopped him from punching his teeth in. And despite the height difference, Levi was certain if he did indeed hit Nile, his teeth would go flying.

"Shut it. Right now. One more word and I'll make you regret it. One more step and I swear I will press charges of sexual harassment against you. I am not kidding. I will not hesitate for even a moment. I am in a committed relationship; I know they will stick no matter how superior you might feel you are. I do not bluff, Mr. Dok. I tolerated your less than professional behaviour but that ends now. By the time I see you again, it's best you reevaluate your work manners. If you cannot do that, you are better off sending someone else in your place. This is my one and only warning. There will be no second."

Levi's voice was even, icy and undisturbed; it was as if he was reading a speech he prepared beforehand, no hesitation, no doubt in a single word that he spoke. He stayed calm, his arms crossed while his hands tightened around his biceps, his fingers digging in slightly. But his eyes showed the rage, the anger, the fury that burned inside him. The smarter part of him wanted Nile to use his brain and walk away from this, because Levi was worried what he might do to the man if he made even the slightest mistake. He was burning, steaming with murdering intents inside him he was sure he left behind a long time ago.

Levi might've been the shorter one out of the two of them but he knew he was looking down at Nile. Nile might've been still putting air about him, a facade of confidence but Levi simply knew better. He could feel the fear rolling off the dark haired man as Levi looked at him with his cold, gray gaze. He glared; he scowled and glowered, air chilly around him, anger sparkling off of him.

"Leave. Now."

Levi had never seen somebody scram so quickly, but only long moments later he allowed himself to relax. It's been so long since he almost control of himself like that. With years came the knowledge how to keep things at bay but today that man went too far.

He insulted Levi's relationship with Erwin, as if it was something weak and unimportant. Assumed Levi would simply give in to his ridiculous advances.

He offended him in his workplace by acting unprofessional. To Levi it was a form of lack of respect.

But Nile also disturbed his comfort zone. He nudged on and kicked the walls of his personal space, something Levi was very peculiar about. It irritated him, it prodded him on the inside in all the wrong ways, it made him feel raw and worst of all - vulnerable. If anything, Levi always had his defenses and this man attacked them. Levi shuddered at the memory of Nile so close to him, of Nile touching him and the reminiscent of the disgusting sensation of his breath on Levi's skin made him nauseous.

Levi felt the sudden need to sit down so he walked to his chair and practically fell onto it. He had no chance to even try to rewind a little when his cell phone rang, vibrating in his pocket and startling the life out of him. He retrieved it in almost auto mode but the moment he saw who was calling he rushed to click the green button.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Levi. I promised I would call today and here I am. Sorry for the late hour though, had a nasty case."

It was indeed late and Levi knew perfectly well Krista promised to call today. He just figured when four, five and then six p.m. passed by she wouldn't. It took a lot of willpower from him not to call her himself.

"No worry. I am still at work myself."

Once more he called on his strong will not ask right out what news she had for him. It was really difficult to stay calm and to let her continue at her own pace.

"But I bet you want me to get to the main problem, so here goes. Just like your former lawyer told you, the end of the year is hectic for everyone, lawyers included. No one wants to take on new cases, and yours isn't the clearest one either, as I regret to say. Even with all the things Erwin made sure of, they still have some base to sue you, as you can see. So in the end I couldn't find anyone suitable that would take over." Levi felt his heart freeze. It stopped for a moment, he was sure of it. There was no way out of this mess. The only thing left was to say thanks to Krista for trying. Levi was about to do just that but then she continued. "That is why you will be graced with the lovely me as your lawyer."

Levi wasn't sure he heard her correctly and a very eloquent ''huh'' slipped his lips.

"I know it's not my usual field of expertise but you _could_ show a bit more enthusiasm." She said jokingly. "You have my word that when the next court date rolls in I will know every single detail to this case and more - I will make those rich hyenas run with their tail in between their legs. Though I realize it's not too convenient seeing how I am Eren's friend."

"Why?" Levi asked, completely confused.

"I will have to know all the details about your life, Levi. The same ones you shared with your other lawyer."

Levi suddenly saw what she was talking about. It was indeed true if she was to be his lawyer she had to know all the circumstances of his life as well as Erwin's.

"But I wouldn't…"

"No. It doesn't matter, Krista. You are saving me here, so everything else doesn't matter. I will owe you one. I figure you will want to meet to talk over the details?"

"Yes, that will be a bit trickier. I will send you my schedule, you send me yours and we'll figure something out."

"Great. We'll talk over the details then. The pay, the…"

"Whoa! Stop right there."

"Oh, no. You will not do this for free, you insane woman."

"Don't let Ymir hear you call me that. And I will."

"No, you won't. Are you trying to insult me by…"

"Come on. It's not that. You're Eren's friend, that's one. Plus, it's also a matter of a principle. It could happen to any of us, Levi. I mean same sex couples. Hell, any couple that isn't bound by law. I do not even want to imagine if somebody would try to do the same to my Ymir. I would…"

"I know. But it's work at the end of the day, you have to bring bacon to your carnivore half."

Krista had a good laugh at that for a moment that Levi had to wait out.

"No worries. We're not starving. And Ymir sometimes has too much work on her hands than I'd want to. But if you're so keen on it… Oh, I know! Design something for me then."

"Huh?" Yes, Levi felt so smart at moments during this conversation.

"Eren told me you own a design company. I'll come up with something you can do for me or my firm, not sure yet. Would that make us even? But then again, I bet you'd lose on it. I bet you charge more than…"

"Deal." Levi would not let that chance get away.

"Great!"

"But to make sure, you _will_ give me the estimate how much you'd get paid for a case like this. In case you'd be on the losing side."

"And I bet if it's the other way around you won't say a word."

Levi let the silence answer for him.  

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Levi knew he was cutting it a bit close with his timing but after Krista's phone call he just had to see Erwin. He knew it was irrational to have more hope than necessary, in the end things were still the same and he just had a new lawyer, but somehow this unease wouldn't leave him.

So there he was, walking into his partner's hospital room barely before nine p.m. It was ridiculous for him to come when he'd have to leave in matter of less than fifteen minutes but the moment he saw Erwin, it was all worth it.

He might not know Krista too well, but he saw the inner strength that lay inside that small body. She was determined and Levi could feel it. Not that his last lawyer lacked any confidence. No. If it wasn't for her he'd rather not think how the things would look like. It was just like Krista said - she could relate, it was closer to her because she was in a similar situation relationship wise, because from what Levi knew, her and Ymir weren't married.

So when he walked up to Erwin and sat down. He took his hand, gave it a quick kiss and hurried to tell him everything.

He barely finished relating things that had happened, scarcely mentioning things with Nile but not leaving them out, when Levi saw the clock telling him his time was over. He'd rather not cause any problems about staying too long (ever again) so he got up and left. He had another long day ahead of him tomorrow. He was dreaming about a warm shower and the comfort of his bed. He was even too tired to eat anything. Hopefully his hunger wouldn't wake him in the middle of the night.

Levi was so keen on getting out of there as it was a little bit after nine, playing invisible and keeping his head low that he did not see somebody ahead of him before it was too late. When he looked up at the person he bumped into he almost started laughing when he saw who it was.

"Of course it's you I run into." Levi said without really stepping back.

"Hello, Levi. You actually make it sound like it's my fault _you_ bumped into _me_." Eren replied with sarcasm. He got a smug smile in return.

Eren reciprocated it with his own grin. Even though things were a bit hard on him lately with matters that concerned Levi, he still couldn't help but feel happy when he saw him. He did things unconsciously, as if his body did them on its own accord.

"You're lucky you're on my "nice" list."

"I think you're too… thin to be Santa, Levi." Eren said as he put his right hand on Levi's shoulder, patting it reassuringly. Levi eyed Eren's hand and then Eren himself. He was certain that ''thin'' was not the word he meant to use originally and the patting was to pacify him but once more Levi let it slide. He didn't even bother moving the hand away, Levi knew it was a teasing gesture; also, he simply did not mind it.

What mattered at the moment was that it was a good that he saw the brat at the hospital. Making his proposition in person would make things a whole lot easier. Especially when he'd take into an account what a stubborn mule Eren could be when he wanted to.

"Nah, I am too mean. But never mind that. What would you say to having a dinner with me this Friday?" Levi had to bite his tongue, literally, to keep himself from snorting out a laugh. He had never seen Eren look so shocked as his hand dropped from Levi's shoulder to hang loose at his side. "Your friend, Krista, called me back today. She will take my case. I want to say thanks for that. So hence the dinner invitation."

Levi was sure he was seeing things because for a moment he thought he saw a shadow of disappointment pass through Eren. And he was _surely_ imagining things as he thought that the spot on his shoulder felt a little cold now. But both those things passed instantly so Levi figured he must've been mistaken.

"But it's…"

Levi was almost certain where this was going and what was about to leave Eren's mouth so he interrupted him as he took the tiniest step forward towards Eren. They were close but Levi hoped at least their proximity would somehow intimidate the nurse before him. He couldn't count on a height advantage after all.

"But you're bringing the dessert. I can't do _all_ the work." Levi said with a self-satisfied look on his face, knowing he got Eren this time. Eren gulped a bit loud but then sighed and nodded.

But then something appeared to Eren. Something didn't add up here just a little.

"Wait a sec. Make the dessert? But then you…?"

"I'll cook the dinner. If all's clear then I'll go now. I had a long day. So see you on Friday, around seven? You know where my place is, right? Oh, and I guess you can take that mutt of yours. I have a big backyard. He can run around a little.'' Eren only nodded, feeling his jaw descending more bit by bit. "Good. Night, then."

And Levi left while Eren let the facts sink in.

Levi invited him to have dinner with him, one he himself would cook, at his house, the same one Eren only saw from outside. This Friday Eren was to go there at seven, bring dessert and have dinner with Levi, at his home.

At seven. Levi's place. Dinner. On Friday.

Shit! He's supposed to be working on Friday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and someone asked for more Mikasa? I hope this little was still good enough ^_^ I confess, she's the hardest character for me to write, I really hope I gave her justice ^_^


	20. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things in life are bittersweet sometimes.  
> Eren has to decide if the sweetness is worth the sour aftertaste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this thing real? It's not a mirage, right?  
> Yep, this is the real deal guys. After a very long wait, how long I'd rather not say, chapter 22 is here.  
> It's very long, probably too long, could've skipped few parts but I felt I shouldn't. I hope I didn't make it dreadful in the end by doing so and you'll still enjoy the whole 17,4k words of it! Yes, it's the actual number hehe.  
> Also - I am a single day late [or two, don't know which timezone this will catch] but this fic is officially two years old! I meant to post this on 27th but had a double night shift at work, hope it still makes this chapter special in some way.  
> So I won't delay it anymore (for those who read my ramble) and hope you enjoy it.  
> And I hope with my whole heart that this chapter will be an official 'Welcome back' for me ^_^

Eren was certain he went overboard. _Again_.

Now, as he stood at Levi's doorstep, his hands occupied with bags of varying content and Titan's leash around his wrist, he started to waver with uncertainty. He felt the weight of everything he had taken as his cheeks filled with blood. His excitement got better of him once again, the joy to prepare a dessert just for Levi made him go into a zone-like mode. So, before he knew it, he had a chocolate cake easily big enough for a dozen of people prepared in front of him, waiting to be packed up and brought to Levi.

He also bought some wine; red for Levi and white for himself. He still wasn't certain about his final choice even if the guy at the wine store did seem like he knew his stuff. His bag that he carelessly swung over his shoulder was also filled up and weighed on his arm.

And Titan wasn't making things easier for Eren either. He was trying to gather his courage to ring the doorbell yet the dog kept on fidgeting, pulling on his leash and smelling the bag that contained the cake box. He was walking back and forth from one end of the porch to the other as if telling Eren to finally get it together and ring the doorbell. That or he just wanted to see what's inside the house and eat his share of the cake already.

Not that he would get any, Eren told himself. Okay, maybe a tiny little bit because he _knew_ it was bad to give pets human food. But he also knew his big mutt had him wrapped around his gigantic paw and the moment he would pull the puppy eyes (pun intended) Eren would cave.

Eren took one last breath and even made a small gesture to raise his hand and ring the doorbell when the mutt from hell started howling.

Yes. It wasn't even a single small bark. Just _an outright_ long and a very loud howl.

It meant that even if Eren was still considering bailing, his chances were now long gone. There was no freaking way Levi hadn't heard that whine. All that was left for Eren was to stand there and wait for Levi to open the door and maybe in the meantime, come up with some kind of an excuse as to why in the world Titan was playing a siren on the late evening.

Eren pulled on the leash with a bit of force to make the dog shut it. Titan stopped abruptly and then looked at Eren, all indignant as if he had done nothing to deserve a reprimand.

''You're freaking fasting tonight, you evil being.''

The mutt had the cheekiness to whine.

Innocent my ass, Eren thought to himself but whatever else he might've wanted to call his _lovable_ pet had to wait because at that moment the door swung open.

Eren looked up and faced the house owner.

Forget insulting Titan.

Any coherent words flew right out of Eren's brain when his eyes locked with Levi's for a moment as he registered the man before him in all his glory. Literally.

How was it that after so much time and so many interactions Levi _still_ managed to make Eren lost for words? He'd better get it under control so situations like the one right now would just stop happening.

Because here Eren was, hands full of bags, a dog on a leash trying to break free to get to Levi, another heavy bag swung over his shoulder, standing on Levi's doorstep in a cold weather with his mouth agape a little and not saying a word. Eren was absorbing the picture before him - Levi looking a bit disheveled, bangs haphazardly pushed back and a day of work obviously behind him. His simple white button up ironed but evidently worn, with few wrinkles in random places. He had his sleeves rolled up over his elbows and the first few buttons undone. The dark pants that the shirt was tucked into were illegally tight.

It was a simple work outfit worn throughout the day and Eren still felt weak in the knees. He was starting to accept that the simple sight of Levi was giving him goosebumps, no matter the attire. Though the one Levi had on at the moment helped. A lot.

"Titan might be unaware but you _do_ know that I have a doorbell, right?" Levi leaned over a little and pointed to his left. "It's right here. This little button here. This little fella makes a _chime_ noise when you push it so I know when…"

"Oh, shut it, Levi. I had some difficulty? You _do_ realise I have my hands full, right?" Eren used the same mocking tone Levi spoke in earlier.

Levi _tsked_ at him, but took a step forward and took one of the bags as well as Titan's leash from Eren. Without another word he turned around and walked inside. Eren took the open door, as well as his dog's kidnapping, as an invitation to walk inside. He stepped through the threshold and let out a breath he had no idea he was holding in.

He managed to play it cool once again. He was really starting to think about changing professions. He never knew he had such skill when it came to acting. But then again it wasn't the first time he was keeping something from others.

This time it was different, harder, especially when it came to Levi. Eren sometimes felt almost like those gray eyes could see right through him and his cool facade.

Eren shook his head, pushing any unnecessary thoughts away and closed the door behind him. He was in some small but cosy hallway; a tall dark oak coat hanger on his right, small matching table on the other side that had Levi's keys, some random mail and a very sad and dying plant on it. The walls were in warm chocolate brown shades and right ahead he could see the staircase for upstairs.

After taking his jacket off Eren was about to walk on and inside when he noticed Levi's shoes, neatly put by the small table on the floor. He smiled. Figured, he thought to himself and put the bag down. Next he took of his boots. He had the baggage back in his grasp and was about to walk on but Levi was back.

"Sorry, I took Titan outside so he could run around."

"No problem."

Levi's gaze went to Eren's feet and he sighed.

"You didn't have to actually take them off, you know. I am after work and a little bit behind schedule so…"

"I know. It's more comfy this way." Eren wiggled his toes through his socks and sent him a toothy grin and he swore he saw Levi smile back.

"Alright then."

"And I bet you prefer it this way, with you being a neat f…" Levi turned around and sent a cold stare. "Person. You are a very neat person. Yep." Eren saved himself at the last minute and he could hear a scoff escape Levi. Walking behind Levi, Eren took the chance to look around and could not hide his aw.

The house looked amazing from outside already; spacious but not over the top big like Eren sometimes thought of his parent's house. Inside was even better. The walls were painted in warm colors, the floors dark yet not gloomy. They seemed to have walked inside a living room now. On his left Eren saw three big, floor reaching French windows, that probably let in a lot of light during the day but now Eren was faced with the navy blue sky and a faint look of Levi's front yard. Eren could see the big oak tree that he passed while walking down that neat, paved path to the house.

The living room held a dark brown leather set of a three-seat-couch, a loveseat on the left and a single comfy looking chair on the other, all around a solid looking glass coffee table. There was a big bookshelf filled to the brim with books, covering almost the whole length of the wall opposite of the windows and Eren felt the itchy feeling to walk over and look through the titles.

The whole room was furnished, had small details - plants here and there, a small table on the left of the couch with a lamp, a shelf on the wall over it that held few more books, a photo frame, some candles and other decorations. Overall it gave this lived in, homey vibe. Eren felt good inside this room right away. Even the big ass flat screen TV that was on the opposite wall of the couch didn't give the feeling of being too much. Okay, maybe just a tiny bit too big.

They reached the end of the room and walked through a big round arc in the wall and Eren found himself in a beautiful dining room. This room was decorated in lighter tones than the living room, the floors made of luster caramel maple wood. It must be so the meals could be enjoyed in a brighter atmosphere while the living room hit Eren with this lazy, cosy feeling, perfect for lying back after a long work day. The table in the middle of the room was quite big with six massive chairs around it, all in light chestnut colors. At first Eren thought there was something wrong with the table but when he took few steps forward he realized the tabletop itself was _au natural_ looking, like cut right out of the tree and simply polished.  Eren smiled as he took in the sight. He was starting to like Levi's house more by the minute.

Almost vis-à-vis of the arc they had walked through Eren saw double doors, in the same French style as before, which Eren figured led to the backyard. He could faintly see back porch and Titan's figure running around, probably ecstatic because of the freedom and space to go wild.

On the left, the dining room smoothly descended into the kitchen and even from the distance Eren could see that while the rest of the house was furnished normally with a bit of a luxury touch, that right there was a first rate kitchen. He figured his eyes started sparkling as he saw all that dark marble counter tops, beautiful mahogany shelves, high stools on the right where counter transformed into a table. While the furniture of the kitchen was dark, the walls were in this calm, light beige shade. The contrast of it played out really well.

They were quiet for some time and Levi must've noticed Eren's ecstatic face because he spoke while sending a cheeky grin.

"Come on, it's not that amazing. You can pick up your jaw from the floor. Plus your parents' house is nothing compared to…"

"But this is…" Eren slowly walked towards the kitchen island separating it from the dining room.

He heard Levi's groan for some reason and turned back around.

"Ugh, I knew it it was a bad idea to let Mike take care of renovating the kitchen. Not only was it fucking over the top expensive but you're like the third person to drool over it. God only knows why."

Eren felt the lecture about all the reasons why Levi's kitchen, especially the oven he was itching to get his hands on, was something he should keep to himself. Instead something else slipped from his lips.

"I'll stop the drooling if you'll let me get my hands on your equipment and bake something sometime."

Levi raised his eyebrows and it hit Eren that the first part of his sentence carried some undertone to say the least. He was about to spout some, most probably embarrassing, explanation when Levi smiled and scoffed.

"Fair enough. But I get a half of whatever you make."

Once again Eren held in the comment that was threatening to escape about Levi's not-so-secret sweet tooth and simply nodded. But whatever either the two of them wanted to say was interrupted by a faint beeping that came from the kitchen.

"Ah. The roast. It should be done. Work took a bit longer so you'll have to wait some."

"No problem. Can I help you with anything?"

"Just say it straight you want to snoop around the kitchen."

"I just want to snoop around?" Eren smiled his toothy grin but it was reciprocated. It was only a smirk from Levi's side but a smile nevertheless.

Levi seemed more at ease today, Eren would even dare to say he looked _happy_ , and it sent this warm feeling to the pit of Eren's stomach. Even though everything told him not to, Eren thought he wanted to see this version of Levi more often. He wanted to _be_ the reason for that good mood even more so.

"Alright. The roast needs another ten minutes in the oven, the vegetables are done, just need to be served. You can get the glasses from the cupboard," Levi pointed to the one on his right. "And the plates from the one next to it."

"Ok. You want me to set them in the dining room?"

"Oh. Yes. Right. The dining room." Eren heard some hesitation and felt the need to ask.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Set them there."

Eren turned around and gazed once more at the dining room and then at the table. And some small details hit him. It didn't even have any kind of tablecloth on it. It was clean and the chairs were neatly aligned but when something clicked inside Eren's mind he felt a painful tug at his heart. This was a big table, enough for six.

And Levi lived alone.

Eren could see in his mind an awful picture of Levi sitting there all by himself while picking at his food. The intensity of that dreadful scenario almost made him take a step back.

Then he looked to his left, at the place where the counter top curved and descended smoothly into a small but cozy table with three high chairs around it. Once again Eren's imagination presented him with a picture of Levi eating his breakfast there, as well as other meals, alone and probably in bit of a hurry, maybe while standing up some of the times. Yet this corner seemed better, warmer, no needless extra space that screamed in your face. Eren knew there was no helping the fact that Levi had his meals in solitude but at least at the kitchen table his lonesome person wasn't hit by the cold emptiness.

"How about we eat here?" Eren pointed at the kitchen table and Levi looked its way, some confusion showing on his face. "The dining table is amazing, really. But why use up so much space just for the two of us? The kitchen here seems kinda cozy, too?"

Levi looked at Eren, straight into his eyes as if he was looking for something. Eren wasn't sure what it was or if Levi saw in his eyes the sadness he felt. He was somewhat scared what conclusion Levi might draw; the most frightening was that Levi would read it as _pity_. But Eren didn't falter and kept the eye contact with Levi. After a moment Levi nodded and turned back around to do whatever he was doing at the counter.

Eren's heart felt lighter when he vaguely saw one side of Levi's lips twitch up before he turned around as his shoulders slumped down a little. Eren hoped they relaxed with relief. At that moment he was certain he made the right call.

After that they worked in silence. Levi cut up the roast, poured the sauce in a small tureen while Eren set two sets of plates, cutlery, glasses and the wine bottles at the small table. Levi was at the round head of it while Eren's was on his right.

Eren was contemplating what to taste first; would it be the juicy roast covered with a foaming sauce, or maybe the deep orange carrots cut into a perfect squares and the deep red beetroot salad right next to it. The mashed potatoes that were sprinkled with the sauce looked filling as well. Before seeing all that goodness on the plate Eren hadn't even realized how starving he actually was.

They were ready to sit at the table, two plates filled to the brim with a mouth-watering food Eren couldn't help wanting to sink his teeth into already but before either of them could take a seat they heard loud scratching and whining just behind the back door entrance that was on the right side of the kitchen. Eren and Levi looked at each other in sync and smiled.

''I guess we forgot one, didn't we?"

"Yes. Get that mutt of yours before he destroys my door."

"He'd never! He's a well mannered dog!"

Just on cue Titan started a concert of some loud howling. Levi looked so smug Eren rolled his eyes at him and _tcked_.

"Oh, shut up." Eren said as he went to the door to let his pet in.

 

 

"I swear, he actually thought he could take Mikasa on. It was true Jean was drunk, but still."

"I think you'd have to be insane to try that, not only drunk. Didn't you say she has black belts in... well in every martial arts name you can think of?"

"Exactly! You haven't seen her fight, yet you still have the common sense to know you have to be out of your mind to even try."

"Didn't we establish that Jean is of lesser intelligence?" Levi looked smug again but this time Eren laughed in response.

"Yes, that we did. You can only imagine how that attempt ended."

Levi cringed at the idea.

"Didn't any of you guys try to stop him?"

"And miss the fun?"

"Are you sure you're his friends?"

Eren laughed even more and took another sip of his wine. The guy at the store was right, this white wine was extremely good and judging by the pleased look on Levi's face he enjoyed his red one as well.

"Marco was, by some _coincidence_ , in the bathroom so…" Eren smiled but then shuttered at some sudden memory. "Though he wasn't too pleased when he came back and saw his boyfriend looking like some puddle of goo at Mikasa's feet. He was actually pretty pissed. Though in my and guys' defence we were all  pretty drunk off our asses. Mikasa too, seeing as she let us all inside her place.

When Marco approached all of us I swear he was even scarier looking than Sasha when she's hungry. And believe me, it's a sight you do _not_ want to see. But what was worse was his silence, he glared at us and then just gathered Jean up. He sulked at us for like a week. Worst week of our lives. Even Jean got over it by the next day and admitted to Marco he asked for it; it still didn't work."

"Really? Marco? Somehow I cannot imagine angel boy angry or sulking for a longer period of time. How did you grovel your way back into his good graces?"

"We kinda spent our every free moment looking for any abandoned pets in the neighbourhood and brought them to Marco's place."

"Huh? But that's more work for him?" Levi looked confused and nibbled at some leftover carrots.

"Yes. But more animals were saved and nothing gets you more points in Marco's eyes. Though _that_ got Jean mad, hehe. It meant overtime for Marco and less booty for him." Eren got this weird, almost satisfied look on his face that Levi shook his head at. "That's how Krista and Ymir got their cat Maddox, Sasha her dog Cocoa and Armin got Bean." Levi raised an eyebrow at the last one. "Oh, his rat. Big ass white rat."

"Really? Somebody would actually throw out rats?"

"You have no idea how cruel people can get. Marco said that some asshole probably got a pair not knowing how prolific rats are and got too much they could handle. We found a box with like ten of them at a dumpster. Only Bean and his sis, Peas, made it through unfortunately. And do not ask about the names, Armin was the one to name them because he found the box. Peas is the pet Ilse took in, Marco's boss."

"So all your friends have some kind of pet?"

"Nah, Marco and Jean do not. Jean says he's not into that sort of thing, as he words it but we all know he curses his place for not allowing any. And Marco would probably take half of the pets they rescue but his work has been too time consuming. But I can bet the moment those two move in together they will get one, or three if Marco plays his cards right. And when I say cards, I mean sex Jean up into agreeing."

"You're so crude."

"Whaaaat?" Eren whined. "Everyone knows those two go at it like teenagers, even after years of being together. Of course if they made up already."

"What do you mean? And they aren't living together already?" Levi looked honestly confused.

"I know, right? You assumed as well that they would already have their own snug place already. But Jean was insistent to let Marco finish vet's school and internship with no distraction, like finding a place and moving. And now that Marco is a full time vet and he got the guts to offer, they are having a small argument. Or more like Marco is pouting over things that don't need to be of any concern." When Levi looked confused Eren elaborated. "Marco is feeling a little insecure because of what happened at the party. He thinks that it might rekindle _something_ between Jean and I. Like, _really?_ "

Eren sent Levi a look that spoke how ridiculous that idea sounded but Levi's expression looked serious.

"No, seriously, Levi. Me and Jean is like ancient history. Not only does Jean not see anything past that is Marco Bodt but also I'm intres…" Only a very curious look on Levi's face, raised eyebrows and a slight move forward made Eren stop the words that wanted to leave his mouth. The words, if spoken, would cause nothing less than a disaster. So after a small pause Eren continued. "I'm over Jean. He's just a dear friend that I am glad I made up with. And don't tell him I said that. I honestly hope that they make up soon. I'm not even worried whether they will, only how quickly."

Levi only hummed in response and picked up the last piece of meat off his plate, most definitely cold already. Halfway through the meal, after the courteous silence to get their first fill, they started chatting about everything and nothing, with Titan nudging and begging for some scraps now and then. It didn't matter that at the same time that they had started their meal he also got a bowl filled with dog food that, much to Eren's surprise, Levi bought for him, along with getting two spare metal bowls he claimed "just clattered his place". But Eren felt there was some lie in that seeing they looked pretty new to him. That last observation Eren kept to himself once again.

"I gotta say, that person at the wine store matched my taste, this wine is really good. Bittersweet but not too much, just how I like it. What about you, Levi? You know I know shit about wine and…"

"You got lucky, this is actually one of my favourites. I enjoy the expensive ones Mike has at his restaurant but from normal priced ones, this one is in top three."

Eren let out a groan and covered his face with his palm.

"Ugh, of course you would be aware of the price. I'm an idiot, I bet you think I'm cheap or…"

"Eren, I said normal priced, not cheap. I wouldn't expect you to get something from top shelf, I know how much a nurse can make."

There was no doubt in Eren's mind Levi was teasing him.

"You rich ass."

Levi chuckled and took a sip from his glass.

"But seriously? I'd be ok even if you'd have brought beer. Just because my house might seem like I earn a lot, and I kinda do now, I don't give a shit about money. I know how it is not to have _any,_ Eren." Eren saw a faint shadow of some painful memory flash in Levi's eyes but it was gone as fast as it came. He just knew not to press. "Plus, it was supposed to be my treat because…"

"Oh, no. We are not going there _again._ "

This time Levi's face bore a smile that couldn't be mistaken for anything else.

"I'd offer we get the dessert you brought but I, myself, am full."

"Me too. I need a break to digest. The dinner was amazing, did I tell you?"

"Yes, like a half a dozen times already. I swear, that's the first time I saw someone almost cry because of my beetroot salad."

"Because it was fucking amazing. I love that shit but yours… I hope what I'm about to say won't reach my mom's ears, but yours was better than hers. And she's a pro chef."

Eren closed his eyes, reminiscing the taste of his favourite salad and when he opened them he was lost for words when he saw a faint blush decorate Levi's cheeks. It was a barely pink in color but it contrasted quite strongly with Levi's light skin tone.

"I'll give you the recipe if you'll shut up about it."

That did the trick.

 

 

"I think I'm ready for that dessert now." Eren said as he slumped down on the living room's couch, letting out a loud sigh of exhaustion.

"Agreed. I think your mutt burned off all the calories I got from the dinner _and_ earlier lunch."

"I know he's big but he's still practically a young pup with too much energy."

"Don't say?" Levi said as he turned to look at Eren who was on his left and gave him what Eren figured was supposed to be an annoyed glare. It didn't work much.

"You whine and glare but I saw you had fun. Especially with the frisbee. I swear, you looked like you've never done that before with a dog or something." Eren chuckled as he still tried to catch his breath. "I'd even dare to say you looked like you were _smiling._ " He added some teasing to his voice and then looked back at Levi. He was faced with something he hadn't the slightest idea how to deal with.

Levi's expression was a mix of a content smile yet sadness which filled his eyes. Eyes that were staring ahead, looking at something Eren was certain wasn't there. Eren was prepared for a glare, maybe some light punch on the arm but not this. He had no idea his, now he deemed it very stupid, comment would cause something like this to happen to Levi.

Eren was about to start mumbling something, maybe some apology, maybe he'd try to change the subject but then Levi looked at him and all words died in his throat. Even though he still looked a little sad, his face now bore more happiness, especially his eyes that had filled with more light. Eren thought to himself, no matter how corny it may have sounded, his heart skipped a beat (or three) when his eyes locked with the grey orbs he came to adore so badly.

"You're right, actually. I never had a pet so…"

Levi looked away once more and Eren was starting to think that he was dreaming up this whole evening, because he was certain he couldn't be graced with so many new expressions and emotions appearing on Levi's face in just one evening in real life. Only in his dreams Levi would look flustered, maybe a little embarrassed at what he unconsciously confessed.

But yet there they were, sitting on a couch side by side, both breathing more evenly now with Titan laying on the carpet exhausted but still chewing on his toy in his sleep.

Eren took a breath and hoped with all his might his next words will be right, that he won't mess it up.

"Well then, I'm glad that I gave you a chance to experience this. I hope you had fun even though you were grumpy at the beginning and ignoring Titan's pleads to play."

"Deal. I'm grumpy by nature."

"I know."

JAB!

Eren 'oofed' as he got a light elbow jab in the ribs but his face still broke into a wide grin.

"Get us that cake now."

"Are you serious? I'm the guest here."

"Don't care. You're younger. The box is behind the left fridge door."

"Fine. But you're getting a smaller piece. And it's chocolate." Eren added that last sentence when he was already up and halfway to the kitchen, knowing Levi wouldn't reach him. He still heard a whine of protest. He shook his head at Levi's adorable childishness.

Moments later he was back in the living room, both hands occupied with plates that held chocolate cake pieces and two small cans of radler beer under one of his arms. He set them both on the coffee table, of course giving Levi the bigger piece.

"I saw the cans nearby so I thought this would be a bit better than wine? I hope you don't mind I snooped."

"Nah." Levi eyed his plate that held obviously bigger piece of dessert but said nothing as he got a piece with his fork. Eren nervously waited as Levi put it in his mouth, obviously not staring as he chewed and swallowed and not in the least fascinated when he licked his lips clean. No. He was not staring, only nervously awaiting Levi's opinion. Yes. That was the case. Levi must've sensed his gaze because he looked at him. Seconds later he sent him a cheeky grin as he shook his head. "This is freaking good. I swear you could give Mike run for his money."

Eren flustered at the outright compliment. He felt his cheeks warm up and looked away instantly, grabbing his own plate and digging into the cake, a very convenient distraction.

It was true he was really curious if Levi would like his cake but he expected some remark along the lines "not bad brat", but not _this._

He mumbled some thanks he hoped Levi heard and continued eating. He was so concentrated on eating he failed to notice Levi reaching for a remote, so when the TV got turned on and the sound blasted he startled a bit.

"Hope you don't mind the late evening news."

Eren only shook his head but relaxed a bit.

They were eating in silence, sipping the flavored beer and watching news for a little while but Eren couldn't remember the last time he felt so comfortable. It was stupid, it was nothing but watching TV, something very mundane but he felt he could relax, something he couldn't do in a very long time. Not to this extent. When the main news finished and the second half came on, some irrelevant things about celebrities and other ridiculous things, the conversation picked up naturally.

"I swear, I thought making Hanji my partner would mean getting her off my back at least a little. I thought she would go crazy with 'power' but I swear, now she's coming to me with every small thing you could think of. Asking if it was ok, if she's allowed to do this or that. She's been even more awful with her independent project I gave her. Erd and Gunther are telling me she's driving them even more insane than usually." Levi grumbled, news long over and sport ones playing in the background.

He heard Eren chuckle in between sips of his second beer. Levi was about to open his third. Good thing they were low on alcohol, he thought.

"From what I heard so far she's a hard worker. I bet she's just a bit nervous with all that responsibility on her shoulders. And I bet that she doesn't want to disappoint you even more than she's scared of failing."

"Ha! Like hell she could. She's annoyingly good at her job, always rubbing that in other people's faces too."

"Yes, but now she's your equal in the firm. Now she probably thinks she must do even better."

"Oh, hells no. Even better? If she does, how will that make me look? I'm the boss."

Levi faked some dramatic sighing to which Eren laughed.

At some point both of them got a second piece of cake, smaller but Eren still felt it was a bit too sweet for him so he gulped the second half of the beer in one go. He felt Levi's eyes on him and was about to turn and ask what was the problem when suddenly Levi exclaimed quite a loud 'oh!' that startled him a little.

"How did you get here?"

"Huh?" Eren was thoroughly confused and tilted his head.

"I mean, I drank, you too but you don't… drive. So how are you going to get home?"

"Oh." Eren chuckled. "That's what you meant. I took a cab."

"A cab actually allows cows inside?"

"Haha, very funny. My dog is not a cow. And I have a special number that allows pets inside. It's not the first time I used it, you know?"

"Oh, right." The topic of Eren's lack of driving hung in the air, making things only slightly uncomfortable. "But how will you get home? You could've said something; I would've skipped the buzz and drove you."

"Nah. I bought that wine for you specifically, plus I can manage, Levi. I've managed for last three years." Eren felt that last sentence came out a little sharper than he meant to. "Plus," he tried to cover that awkward snap. "Mikasa's gonna pick me up. Her place is not too far away and I'm staying over at her place this weekend. So no need to worry but thanks for the thought."

The air got lighter but silence still fell upon them and then Levi mumbled something.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"I said, that I could help you with getting back behind the wheel if you'd want to. You said you haven't told anyone else, right? So if you'd want I could…" Levi turned back and faced the TV. "Nevermind. I bet you'd…"

"Thank you. I... I'll think about it, ok?" Eren smiled kindly, trying to show Levi how much those words meant to him. The offer to help as well as the fact that he was not making fun of him over something so stupid. At least it was very stupid in Eren's mind.

"Sure. Just say when."

They turned back to face the TV as some movie was just starting

"You know, I meant to say it before but this is some big ass TV."

"Tell me about it." Levi spoke with almost a whine.

"Isn't a bit too big…?"

"It is. I said it too. But I was ignored. Erwin just insisted on…"

Levi's voice trailed off, his grip on the remote tightened and his jaw clenched. The words just spilled on their own. The comfortable atmosphere just got him talking, saying things like it was nothing. Only the moment that Erwin's name spilled from his lips, something inside him stung. Eren said nothing as silence continued and Levi wasn't sure whether he to keep that silence or if he'd rather Eren changed the subject.

It was a first for him. Aside the previous topic of Erwin's parents and the problem with them, Erwin was always mentioned amongst friends, the ones that knew him and Levi. And even then, that happened rarely. And now? Speaking of Erwin in past tenses could make it seem like he was away but Levi was too pessimistic for that. It made him think of more gruesome things no matter how hard he tried to tell himself it was not the case. He knew it was silly, it was idiotic, that it was just telling another person about something Erwin did but it still did things to his insides. They squirmed and twisted even when he knew it was illogical to feel this way over something so insignificant.

And then the silence ended with Eren's voice, low and uncertain but calming in a way.

"You...you can talk about him, you know? I don't mind. I'll never mind and never think it's something uncomfortable. So you can mention h-him… You can talk about Erwin as much as you like." Levi stared at Eren in disbelief as he spoke. It was as if he was reading Levi's mind and wording his thoughts. He knew how awkward things could get even amongst his friends when Erwin was being mentioned. That was also another problem.

Levi's heart filled with appreciation and the earlier pain lessened slightly. But Levi's expression must've been misunderstood because Eren suddenly continued while casting his gaze away. "Or never mind. I bet I said something stupid and insensitive. Forget I…"

"Thank you. I'll keep it in mind." Was all Levi said. To keep things normal he continued. "Oh, before I forget, I can give you your books back."

"Don't say? You actually admit to taking my _mangas_? And here I thought you were gonna play spy and try to give them back when I wasn't looking next time over."

"Oh, stop acting so smug, brat. I was actually going to ask you…"

"I got next five volumes with me tonight." Levi glared at Eren as he looked even _more_ smug, if that was even possible. "I'd take more but they didn't fit with Titan's toys. I wouldn't have taken his bowls if I knew you bou… you _got_ him some already."

"Shove it, Jaeger. Come on up, I actually left them upstairs. Unless you'll wait for me to get them."

"Nah, I'll go up with you if you don't mind."

 

"I think I left them on my desk in my office. They were good for reading while taking a short break when I was working." Levi called over his shoulder as he and Eren walked upstairs.

Eren only nodded as he scanned his surroundings. The stairway walls were covered in a light beige tapestry that contrasted nicely with the dark mahogany wood the railings were made of. But the pleasant decorative accents weren't what caught Eren's attention.

It was the pictures that lined the way upstairs. Eren caught one of Levi and Hanji; Hanji's smiling face and her arm around Levi as they both held some kind of framed certificate. Levi's face screamed that he wanted the photographer, whoever it was, to get it over with. There was also one of a group of four people Eren failed to recognize. Probably Levi's other friends and coworkers. Eren recalled Levi mentioning some other names of his colleagues, but the way his voice gained a pleasant, lighter tone told Eren they were closer to his heart than he might want to show. They had to be close to have Levi hang up their picture in his house. There was one of Mike and what Eren figured was the day of opening of his restaurant. He was grinning brightly, Nanaba just as happy at his side and a big, bright pink bow hanging off of the sign of the restaurant. Eren had a gut feeling it was Hanji's choice of color.

But something else entirely grabbed Eren's attention about that picture. It was the faint lighter trace behind the frame, it was as if another, bigger picture used to hang there for a long time but it was replaced. When Eren looked back down once more he noticed more of those traces. Multiple shadows of pictures that used to be there, some of them not covered, just empty squares of a lighter color on the wall.

He was almost at the top of the stairs, walking somewhat backwards when something twisted in his gut. Suddenly he _knew_ whose pictures used to hang there. The pain inside him at the idea what Levi had to have felt when taking them down almost overwhelmed him. Eren swallowed heavily as he tried to get his bearing back. The vile taste in his mouth burned.

He was lost in his own thoughts to the point where he almost missed Levi's voice calling him to "hurry the fuck up". He shook his head, ground his teeth to push the ache away and resumed his way upstairs.

When the stairs finally ended he had a problem finding Levi, who most possibly walked inside one of the two rooms that were there. When he looked to the right and behind Eren saw another two sets of doors, counting four in total.

"Come on, Eren. On your right you slowpoke."

Eren followed the voice, forward and to the door on the right, the only ones that were open. He walked inside and after a moment of thought he figured it must be Levi's office. On the right, against the wall was an immense bookshelf, no less than two meters wide and at least that much high. It was filled to the brim with all kind of books that Eren's hand twitched to go through it. Again. But he held back for now and looked around a little more.

On the opposite wall was a three seat sofa, a mid sized coffee table with documents scattered on it in a somewhat neat chaos. The wall that the sofa was against had a big window with deep red, almost black drapes hanging at each side. On the left side of the sofa, there was another, smaller bookshelf as well as a small bar table with a wide range of alcohol and different types of glasses.

At last, at the head of the room was a wide, dark desk with two high lamps in each corner. One of them was lit up at moment and right next to it was where Eren found Levi.

He was currently searching through a small pile of documents, mumbling something to himself. Eren walked inside the room a little hesitantly and waited patiently. After a little while, Levi ceased his search on the desk and disappeared behind it. Literally. The desk had a built-front, which meant when Levi kneeled down, Eren couldn't see him anymore.

It made things a little awkward for Eren, who kept on standing in the middle of the room, his gaze lingering longer and longer on the books on his right.

"Um, Levi?" Eren spoke with hesitation. "You don't have to… I mean, you can give them back some other…"

"No. I _know_ they have to be here somewhere, I was….Right!"

He sprang up from behind the desk so suddenly that Eren jumped up on his spot. He was about to ask what Levi meant but he was hurriedly passing Eren by before he knew what was happening. He barely caught a faint 'come on' that Levi said to him.

It was a little endearing seeing Levi act this way that Eren couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face. He followed Levi, this time making sure not to lose track of him and into the room that was behind the door that Eren saw on the left side of the staircase. He walked inside right behind Levi, more confident this time but when he noticed what room this was, he staggered in his steps.

Eren swallowed hard as he took in the maroon walls, the balcony door to the left with light drapes hanging; the big flat screen TV hanging on the wall behind him or the small coffee table in the right hand corner and a single pouf next to it. In the far left corner Eren saw double door that must lead to a quite a walk-in closet. But must most of all he kept looking at the king sized bed right at the center of the room, covered in shining, deep, light brown silk bedding. While done little haphazardly it still brought out the beauty and the fineness of the whole room.

Eren's mouth went dry and he felt the sudden need to walk out of this room. It felt as if by merely _being_ here, he was invading Levi's privacy in some indescribable way. It felt completely different than when Levi was inside his bedroom. Here, in the decor, Eren could see the touch of two people. While the rest of the house was something Eren predicted Levi didn't put too much input into, and his office simply screamed Levi with all the details, this room right here was a mix of two personalities.

While the bed was king sized it didn't look that expensive yet had it's charm, but it was the silk bedding that screamed top of the line, best of the best you could get, luxury in it's finest. The walls dark, just like in Levi's office but all other decorations were in warm, lighter colors. The drapes, the bedding, the small tablecloth on the coffee table in it's light mocha shade was something that didn't fit Levi, but someone completely opposite. The whole room was a harmony of contrast and transition. Things that shouldn't fit together surprisingly did in perfection.

Another example was the TV. Very modern addition to the somewhat classical bedroom, but right underneath was a dark, vintage looking, about 1,5m long shelf that held all kinds of random things. Two picture frames, few small rose shaped candles, a small, blue figure, of what - Eren could not see from the distance.

Once again Eren's mouth filled with a sour taste as his brain processed all the details. At that moment the excitement he felt at the idea of going to Levi's house completely evaporated.

How could he forget about something so obvious, about such an important detail when Levi invited him over.

It wasn't just _"Levi's"_ house.

It was _"their"_ house.

There were signs of Erwin everywhere.

It didn't matter that Levi took down his pictures, probably to spare himself the everyday ache of looking at them. He was still very much present and Eren was very much stupid to think for a moment he could even begin to try and replace such a big presence in Levi's life. Even though he did tell Levi it was okay to talk about Erwin, this was different. It was more evident how traceable Erwin's presence was in Levi's life. How much Levi still had yet to let go. If that would ever even happen.

Eren was beyond hope. He was nothing more than a fool.

"Ha! There they are! Sorry, I forgot I was reading one of them again before bed." Eren snapped back and looked up. He didn't even notice he was drilling holes in the floor as his mind roamed. Levi was straightening back up, on the left side of the bed and sliding back the bedside table drawer, where Eren figured had been the books Levi was now holding in his hand. "I think the last volume is in my guest bedroom. Hanji must've caught sight of it and stole it last night when she was over. You don't mind, do you?"

"Wha…?"  Eren blinked stupidly, Levis words almost lost on him. " I mean, no. I don't mind. The more people enjoy it, the better." Eren only hoped Levi didn't notice his discomfort.

"What's wrong?"

And there died the hope.

"W-what do you mean? I just lost myself in thought for a moment there."

"Yeah. I can see. Just don't hurt yourself. Let me get the last one."

Eren barely registered that Levi walked by and out of the room, leaving him alone. After few moments passed, Eren was still standing there when it hit him he should've followed. He turned around and almost took the first step but something caught his eye and he turned back. The door on the right that he didn't notice before were slightly open. Curiosity got the best of Eren. He pushed it, opening it completely and was faced with a luxurious master bathroom.

It was a contrast to the bedroom that had darker tones with only additional lighter decorative. This bathroom was light and warm; with brightly tiled floor and walls in shades of cocoa, white marble surface and red oak furniture, it made Eren want to soak up for hours in the amazingly huge bathtub that stood at the very center of it. It was the size that easily had to fit at least four people at once. Eren was starting to wonder if it simply wasn't a Jacuzzi. On his left he could see a walk in shower, the type that had no paddling but the whole floor was its surface, separated by glass and two-door entrance from the rest of the room. He saw no faucet until he looked completely up - it was the natural rain kind of shower. His parents' master bathroom had the same thing and it gave an amazing feeling. (It's possible he sneaked in couple of times while his father, who was very strict about those kind of things, was away at work.) The shower also had a small bench, made in the same white marble like the sink and counter tops. At the right far corner there was a built in cupboard going from the floor almost to the ceiling as well two sinks on the other side; the wall they were against completely covered in a mirror that Eren could now see himself as he blinked stupidly.

His parents were well off, hell, he'd even use the worth ''filthy rich'' so he had the comfort of living in a very luxurious house. But something about this bathroom was different, beyond its top of the line decor, there was something else. It was the details, the small things like the sink's faucets, having such a phallic shape Eren chuckled when he first saw them, or mismatched in colors and shapes pile of towels, or the pair of slippers lying at the side of the tub. Random products laying around, maybe some of them not in their right place.

His parents' bathroom was speck clean, not a spot of dust or a drop of water visible. This bathroom, though most possibly professionally designed, had the touch of its owners, looked 'lived-in' so to speak, even if Levi was a neat freak and it was pretty tidy.

Eren knew it was silly to over analyze a simple bathroom but he saw almost the whole house and there wasn't a place in it that he did not like. Right after Levi's office, even though a little cold and more professionally decorated to be work efficient, this bathroom really caught his attention.

He was still looking around, wondering how much it would cost to get a rain shower thing at his apartment when once again Eren's heart ached with what he noticed - two toothbrushes, couple of different types of shampoos, another pair of slippers tucked into a corner, two bathrobes very much different in size. But there was no denying that most of the accessories were in a set of two.

If Eren didn't feel foolish before, he did so now. This bathroom told Eren everything he had to know - Levi's life was still very much stuck in a limbo of being in a relationship, in his head, heart and mind there was another person present at all times.

Almost on automatic he started stumbling back, realizing now that he shouldn't even be there in the first place.

Not in this bathroom, but not even in this house.

There was no place for him there, in more than one meaning.

He knew he adored Levi, he longed to talk and simply be with him but it painfully hit him how useless it was. Eren felt the happiness, the joy he experienced when spending his time with Levi maybe just wasn't worth the pain he underwent at the moment.

He nearly tripped on the threshold between the rooms and then practically jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He turned around and was faced with Levi who bore a suspiciously smug smirk on his face so maybe that squeal wasn't as manly as he thought. And then Eren realized he was caught red handed while snooping around.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry Levi. I didn't mean to snoop, b-but the door was open… and then inside…" Eren sighed and dropped his head down in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

"No need. Isn't it normal to look around when going to someone's place for the first time?"

"No, I mean, yes. I guess. B-but… I sho…"

"No. I'm actually asking. I wouldn't know. I'm too socially impaired for that."

And there was another smirk Eren grew found of. Levi was very much serious, to the point that a chuckle escaped Eren.

"Yeah. You're right but I still shouldn't have."

"Fuck with that. I got the fifth the volume. Four-eyes did snatch it, just like I thought."

Eren nodded and followed Levi. They were downstairs and Eren kept thinking of a way to come up with an excuse to leave. The more he looked around the more he noticed; another set of keys hanging in the hallway, a big brown jacket hanging on a hanger in entrance that had no chance of being Levi's and when they reached the living room once again and he looked at the kitchen counter, from far away he saw two big cups set aside next to the coffee machine.

Eren was already opening his mouth, hoping to just wing it and let his mouth do the work and give him some way out. He was grasping for a way to end his inside turmoil but then Levi turned around and plopped down on the couch, so easily and all comfortable it was almost not like him. But what stopped any words from escaping Eren's mouth was the next  gesture. Levi's smile. Genuine and kind of playful. Eren would dare to say it had this childish note to it; it took away ten years off Levi's tired face at the least. It made him glow with undefined excitement.

"About that fifth volume. You could've freaking told me that it ends in a cliffhanger; I would've taken one more." Levi lazily started look through the volume he held in his hands, eyes scanning the pages, slight smirk on his face as he started to read.

The innocent and outright honest interest written on his face made Eren smile painfully. Once more came the warmth and happiness filling his heart at the chance of seeing Levi's new expression and Eren just couldn't force himself to leave.

_I must be some kind of a masochist._ Eren thought to himself as he sat next to Levi on the couch.

"Nah, that cliffhanger was nothing. Wait till you get to next volumes. And volume 5 is nice, with the watch scene but let's talk about volume 4. That's where…"

Levi's head snapped back to Eren from looking through the manga so quickly it almost gave _Eren_ a whiplash.

"No. We are _not_ talking about that."

"But that's where they kill…"

"Nope. That didn't happen. I'm telling you it was a filler chapter, nothing more."

Eren chuckled and nodded.

"Be in denial, ok. But Winry's a badass."

"That's a given? Duh. But I think Hanji likes their teacher more…"

Eren listened to Levi rant as he pondered what was stronger - the warmth that filled up his heart or if it was the nudging in the back of his head that told him that he was going on a borrowed time.

 

* * *

 

"Erd, you better put that coffee away. You know what will happen when Levi comes and sees that you're drinking at your desk."

"Come on, he's not here. Or are you now his stand in and we're supposed to be just as scared of you."

"I'd say she's scarier than me in so many ways. I'd be even more aware."

Erd let out a squeal and jumped up in his seat, only barely missing hitting the earlier mentioned cup of coffee. He gulped and didn't even dare to turn around as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Morning, Levi."

"Morning. Sorry for being late guys. Which is the only reason why your coffee isn't poured over your head. Yet. You have two minutes to finish it; so far I haven't seen anything out of place."

Levi clapped Erd's shoulder twice, maybe only slightly harder than necessary and walked into his office. Erd was in such a shock he wasted his one minute just staring at the closed door Levi disappeared behind.

"Oi, get it together, he was nice but I bet you he's still counting down those two minutes until he comes out and you get your ass handed back to you for that coffee." Hanji chuckled as Erd scrambled to his feet, almost running towards the small kitchenette they had at the office.

If there's one thing everyone knew Levi did not tolerate was any kind of liquid in the nearest proximity of the project papers. Documentation, contracts or anything of that sort was one thing, if an accident happened you can print it out again but projects, even the simplest of drafts was whole other story.

So the fact that Levi went and overlooked the unspoken taboo Erd broke was shocking.

It just didn't happen.

Ever.

When Erd came back to his desk and sat back down just in time for Levi to poke out his head out of the office, nod with approval and go back inside, he still did not know if what he just witnessed was real.

When he looked around the office he could see wasn't the only one shocked.

Hanji chuckled at them, even though she was just as shocked a moment before, and stood up.

"It's safe to say our boss is in a very good mood, so milk it while you can but do get back to work. I'll go investigate the reason for today's miracle." She was almost at the door of Levi's office but turned back around. "If you'll be good and hardworking, I might tell ya."

The speed everyone started scrambling around was unprecedented, seeing it was a Saturday morning on a very cold December day, only few days before the holidays.

 

 

"So, do tell the reason for your tardiness."

"Oh, do not look so smug or I won't give them to you."

"Give me what? Last time I checked I wasn't expecting…" Hanji trailed off as Levi dug something out of his bag and put up his hand. "Eren was over…"

It wasn't so much of a question yet Levi still nodded, waving his hand that held three books. Hanji's eyes followed it with longing.

"Yes. He gave me next five. The ones I'm holding right now are the reason why I overslept. Stayed up reading like a freaking teenager. Though Eren did leave kinda late, too." Hanji's eyes snapped from the books to Levi instantly. "No." Was all that Levi responded with to the look in her eyes and she sighed sadly. "Keep it up and you really won't get it. And this time you even have permission from Eren. Oh, and he said to tell you that you'll like their teacher even more with later volumes. And he was smirking the whole time. Smug bastard knowing what will happen. Ugh." Hanji's eyes shone and looked pleading to the point that Levi sighed and extended his hand over the desk. "Here. I'm still reading volume nine. Fell asleep while at it actually."

Levi was certain if he held food in his hand at that moment Hanji would've jumped at it with her mouth and he'd be missing a finger or two.

"What exactly are you doing?" Levi said as he eyed Hanji lying comfortably on his couch on her stomach, the small book already open, and her eyes moving quickly over the pages.

"Oh, come on. I just wanna see what happens on the island. I read that much and I'll get back to work."

"Then I can tell you that they…" Levi shut up instantly, actually feeling the daggers she sent him with her eyes. "Fine. I was late. Figure you can indulge a bit. Not too much though."

Hanji grinned but then raised her eyebrows as Levi leaned back in his chair as a book of his own appeared out of nowhere in his hands.

"Hypocritical bastard."

"The hypocritical boss."

Hanji was certain she was seeing things; because there was no way she just saw Levi stuck his tongue at her. She shook her head and went back to reading, the smile on her face bigger than ever. It was an understatement saying Levi was in a good mood. He was practically glowing with happiness. At least Hanji, who knew him for a very long time now, could see that glow. To anyone else it was the typical Levi with his brow furrowed and no smile to speak of. But Hanji could see that those eyebrows were more relaxed and when he opened the book she saw the slightest twitch of his lips upward. She wasn't going to prod but she knew something must have happened last night because he looked so much more relaxed and at ease. She was itching to write to Eren a simple 'thank you' message for whatever he had done to bring more and more of her old Levi back to her, back to everybody.

 

 

"Hey boss, I was wondering if you could... " Gunther stood frozen with his mouth open, stuck in mid sentence completely at loss with what to do. It wasn't everyday you walk into our boss's office and see him, as well as his partner, lazing around, both of them a book in hand and all but ignoring him.

Scratch that. They weren't ignoring him. They just didn't not even notice he came in. And he knocked earlier too.

"Are fucking serious?! The fox took it?!"

Hanji's sudden yell startled Gunther but Levi as well, who straightened in his seat and shook his head.

"Like that's the biggest problem. Wait till you see what Mustang does when he finds _his_ killer."

Hanji snapped her head and looked at the book in Levi's hands.

"It happens in volume nine?! God I have to hurry up and…"

Gunther was really at loss what they were talking about but felt he really needed to get their attention so he let out a typical, double cough which finally got their attention.

"Sorry to interrupt, but um…"

"Right. We were just…" Levi could not believe he let himself get carried away with Hanji's flow of things. He couldn't believe he lazed around, reading a book while at work and even worse - that his employee, close friend or not, caught him in the act. He looked around quickly and shoved the book on the desk's lower shelf. He felt so stupid the moment he did but there was not going back. All he could do now was act like nothing happened. "What's wrong, Gun?"

Gunther was smart enough to catch up he was meant to act like nothing happened. Though holding back a smile was quite a feat.

"Um, I wanted to ask your opinion on of the logo I'm working on. It's the last…"

"Right. I'll be right over. Actually," Levi looked at his watch that read 10:27 a.m. and then back at Gunther. "Tell the guys to prepare a very short briefing on the project they are working on at the moment. Not the usual reports calm down." Levi added as panic painted itself on Gunther's face. "I just want to know where you guys are at. Start coming into my office, let's say, in half an hour? Tell Erd I'll start with him for the coffee incident." Levi smirked, feeling he came out on top with at least this much.

Gunther chuckled but nodded. He was walking out but then felt it was one of those days it was at least a little safe to tease your boss.

"Oh, and don't be too sure about "his" killer. You'd be surprised." When Levi looked confused Gunther indicated the hidden book with his head. "My nephew reads mangas. Read a few to have something to bond over, this one was one of my faves."

And just like that he walked out while Levi felt his dignity crumble, Hanji's cackle not helping at all.

 

 

"I think this should have more toned down colors, Petra. But besides that I see nothing I don't like. As usual."

Levi leaned back in his chair as a faint blush covered the blonde's face. He didn't understand why she was always so flustered around him but he could see why Aurou would feel threatened by him. Only he was forgetting the small detail that Levi was very much, 100% gay. He almost chuckled at that silly thought.

"We've done this quicker than I thought. Tell the guys lunch's earlier today. I'll be there in a moment. Also, I put a white box in our fridge, if you could take it out and get plates for everyone." Petra looked confused and little surprised. "And do tell Gun and Erd not to lay their slimy fingers on it or _else._ " Petra shuttered even though she wasn't the one the threat was meant for. She smiled, nodded and walked out.

Levi leaned back in his chair and smiled at the thought of what he had in plans. He was very pleased with everyone's work so he had no doubts left that they deserved to have his good mood shared with.

He got up, stretched his limbs as he spent last half an hour in his chair listening to everyone's reports. When he got to the small room that was a combination of a kitchen and lunchroom everyone was chatting excitedly amongst themselves, seated around the table big enough for ten.

"You kids did well enough, so I've got a treat for you. Get yourself each a piece." Levi pointed to the white box on the table as he walked over to the coffee machine. In the corner of the eye he could see Erd move toward the box cautiously, seeing he was the one closest to it. It made Levi laugh inside how he was approaching it like a bomb was hidden inside. The sigh from Erd and then a quiet 'horay' from Gunther next told Levi they opened the box as he poured himself a big cup of coffee. When he turned around he was startled to see Petra right behind him with milk in her hands. He nodded as she poured just the right amount of it.

"Oh my god. This is… Aaaaaa, yes. Mmmm…"

"For fuck's sake, Gun. Erd might know all those noises but you're making others uncomfortable with those orgasm moans." Levi said but he also held back a sigh of satisfaction when another piece of cake disappeared in his mouth. It was his second one already so he knew he wasn't fooling anyone anymore about his addiction to sweets. Chocolate cakes being on the very top of the list.

Erd and Aurou both blushed while Hanji cackled, and Petra chuckled, trying to be discreet and hide it behind the cup in her hands. Gunther ignored him and kept on scrubbing off the last remains of crumbs and then proceeded to lick the plate. Levi forgave him only because he understood the desperation. Also, he might've done the same thing last night after Eren already left.

"But boss, this is… Where did you get this cake? You _have_ to tell me the name of the store."

"Can't. And we're done for the day. Quit with the boss. Actually, quit with it overall. It makes me sound like a mafia boss."

"But Levi, you…"

"For your own sake, first rethink whatever it is that's about to leave your mouth, Erd."

He moved his lips soundlessly and then simply closed them.

"Though so."

"What do you mean we're done for the day?" Petra asked, eyeing cautiously as Erd and Gun started to bicker who would get the last piece of the cake.

"Oh, right, I didn't tell you in the end. I was satisfied with all your progress you've done, plus we've been doing so many extra hours on weekends I might not be able the pay off all your guys' salaries if this goes on because of overtime." Petra beamed and Hanji chuckled, recognizing Levi's endearing jokes. "So you guys have it off until after New Years'. It's almost Christmas anyway so I figure… Oh come on, don't look so fucking surprised. And Aurou pick up your jaw off the floor or I'll change my mind."

To everyone's surprise Erd and Gun completely ignored Levi; the two who should be the most happy at the free time and kept fighting about the cake. At this point they were literally fighting - shoving at each other, pulling the other back as the plate the cake was on got dangerously closer and closer to the edge of the table in all the commotion.

"Oi! Idiots!" Levi yelled, making a grab for the plate. "The last piece goes to the boss. The main one." He added to Hanji who got a hopeful look on her face that died instantly. "And stop that bickering. The last thing I want is to have to tell Eren that you guys broke up because of his cake."

That did the trick instantly and Erd and Gun stopped their childish fight. They snapped their head to look at him, just like the rest present in the room. In unison the duo spoke to him.

"Who's Eren?!"

 

 

"God, how the hell did a simple lunch become _this_?"

"Christmas spirit?" Hanji asked, shrugging her arms.

"I'm fucking atheist."

"The others aren't?" She tried again and Levi sighed.

"But others had fun. I think."

"Of course they did, Levi."

"But still - what the hell _is_ this?"

"Well, this is Gun sleeping on top of the Erd on a single chair, he's drooling a bit. Erd has his limbs cutely wrapped around his boyfriend too. There, we can see Petra almost leaning on Aurou, dropping all possible hints yet still doesn't get it. Though he does seem to be gr…"

"I can see everything you moron."

"But you asked…"

"I know what I said, don't play smart with me. I'm just trying to figure out how I actually let this happen."

"Well, you tried to change the topic when they asked who Eren is and offered to get something to drink. Have a small Christmas celebration of our own so to speak. When you did, Erd said he needed something stronger to get over the shock; you know - you, nice, and other Christmas miracles." Only Levi's last remaining dignity let him keep back the growl that was threatening to escape him. "And then he and Gun went to the store to b…" Hanji looked at Levi and trailed off with her story. "That was another rhetorical question, wasn't it?"

"You think?"

"Oh, come on Levi. Stop whining. We all had fun. So what if some of it was at your expense when they remembered about Eren, and pestered you about him while drunk? For a long time. Non stop. While whining? A lot? And loud?"

"You just had to reminisce the worst part of it, didn't you?"

"Yep! But wasn't it cute how they..." Her last survival instinct shut her mouth.

"How exactly are we supposed to manage all of them?" Levi ignored her and slumped back down in his chair. Then he said the hell with it at this point as he leaned back in it and rest up his feet on the conference table. Because that is where they ended up at - in the freaking conference room, because, quote - 'Kitchen is too small for a party this wild!'

It was lost on everyone Gunther was using his sarcastic voice and they deemed it a great idea.

"You don't figure we could let them crash here, do you?"  Hanji gazed at the sleeping couple, Gunther with his head in Erd's neck at this point, either drooling are sucking on it in his sleep. "They look comfy enough as it seems."

"I guess that's an option. I could lock them up here; leave a message so they won't panic. Then again, maybe it's better not to." The evil smirk on his face wasn't lost on Hanji. She slapped him lightly on the shoulder as his smile got bigger and bigger, most probably liking that idea more and more.

"Don't be an ass." Levi actually raised his eyebrows at her. "Okay. Don't bee an ass at least to _them_."

He sighed.

"Sure, but only because you asked. Especially seeing that they don't deserve it. So that's it?  We are locking them up but leaving a note. Probably."

"Leeevi!" Hanji whined.

"Fine. We _will_ leave a note."

"Good boy."

"Don't you patronize me Four-eyes."

"I wasn't, I was just…"

"I-I can take us home."

Both Levi and Hanji startled at the sudden interruption and looked to their left.

Petra was sleepily rubbing her eyes but still not sitting up, letting her head lie on Aurou's shoulder.

"My house isn't that far away. We can take a cab; it will cost less if we split. Plus my house is big enough. We should manage if we squeeze a little."

It became obvious that Aurou wasn't sleeping like they thought because his eyes snapped open and widened dramatically. Levi did everything in his power not to laugh at him and his very obvious excitement. It was safe to say he was very much for this plan.

"You sure Petra? These guys can be a handful when they're drunk." Hanji asked, motioning toward Erd and Gunther.

"I'm sure. I can handle them. I mean, I do have four younger brothers so it's nothing new."

"F-four?" Aurou squeaked and Levi couldn't handle it anymore and started cackling evilly as Hanji shook her head.

"Oh, Aurou? You're awake?" She straightened up quickly. "Sorry for this."

"N-no problem. You have four brothers? You never said anything."

"I didn't? Maybe I mentioned them vaguely by name only?"

"Maybe." Aurou said weakly.

Quickly enough, faster than Levi might've predicted, they woke the sleeping duo up and somehow managed to get them inside the cab Petra called for. She was sitting in the front while Aurou was meant to take care of the other two. Hanji and Levi, who drank but just not as much, were to be picked up by Mike.

"Good luck with that four-man obstacle, man." Levi smirked and patted Aurou on the back as he was getting inside the cab as the last one. When he looked at Levi, Levi wasn't sure if he was grateful for the supporting words or just constipated with fear. He almost lost his footing when getting into a seat so maybe there was more fear present.

 

 

"They could've fucking cleaned up before going." Levi growled, picking up of the last empty beer cans off the office's floor. Mike was due to arrive in about twenty minutes.

"Like they were in the condition to do anything besides lifting themselves up."

"They are doing over-time after New Year."

"Of course they are."

Few minutes passed in a companionable silence, Hanji actually helping him out for once and soon enough they were done cleaning up. Levi was hoping to rest up a little until Mike's arrival, they were going to his house for dinner - Nanaba's orders - and he was already sitting down in his usual chair when Hanji just had to open her mouth.

"So, are you gonna tell me anything or will I have to drag it out of you? Like always."

"What do you mean?"

"So like always it is then. Yesterday. Dinner. Eren."

"But you know everything already - Yesterday. Me. Had dinner. With Eren. The end."

"Why are you always so difficult?!"

"I was fucking born this way!" Levi raised his voice, standing up so suddenly he even startled himself, not knowing what exactly he was doing, turning his back to Hanji.

"Levi…"

"What more do you want to hear? Eren came over last night. We had dinner at my house. We ate, drunk a couple of beers. He brought his cow of a dog. Eren baked a cake which I brought today."

"And?" Hanji pushed on. She didn't need to see his face to know. She heard in his voice he wanted to say more but needed just a little, tiny nudge forward.

"A-and I played with the stupid dog to make Eren happy. He was pouting I was an old grump. He's right. I am. I think he... We had a nice evening. I… I think I relaxed after a very long time." Levi almost whispered the last part. Almost like it was a secret no one should know about. Or maybe something precious he wanted to keep to himself.

Levi trailed off after that, seeming to finish his story but it was enough for Hanji. She was ecstatic, happy beyond comprehension. She bit her lip as her eyes shone a little. Just because Levi was staying oblivious didn't mean she wasn't aware of things that were happening. Yes, she was only teasing at first, a hopeful teasing as it might've been but this was real now, a real deal. Now she was determined to help Levi. Help him seize this thing that was almost in his reach. She would help him realize that he did want to stretch out his hand and make a grab. The hardest part was making him move once more.

 

* * *

 

 

"Are you sure honey that this is okay? It is Christmas, it was a silly whim of mine, you don't have to…"

"For the umpteenth time, mom - Yes, this is perfectly fine. Mike said it was no problem. It wasn't even last minute thing. He's a new friend but he's really nice. He was glad to make a cake for us for Christmas."

"But I am perfectly capable of doing it myself, yet when you mentioned his restaurant the chef in me go curious and…"

"Calm down, woman." Eren said with a chuckle in his voice as he grabbed her shoulders. Sometimes he still couldn't get over how small she was when he stood right next to her. Over a head shorter and so petite, especially with an apron wrapped around her slim waist and hair pinned into a tight but a large bun. She was cooking at the moment, wild in her element and the long hair she was very proud of had to be tamed not to get in the way. Only few loose strands decorated her sun kissed face. "It's the least I can do; I am leaving tomorrow right after breakfast after all."

"And I told you not to worry, honey. You're young; of course you wanna see your friends and exchange those silly gifts you always get each other."

"See how it is when the other side doesn't get it through their head that something is okay?"

"Oh, don't you sass me Jaeger junior. I'm too old for that."

"But you don't look a day over eighteen."

She chuckled as he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Always a charmer, aren't you."

"I wouldn't mind that it works on women if not for the small fact of me being gay."

"Oh, I bet it worked on not a small number of guys in the past." She winked at him.

"Mom!"

"What? I didn't say anything."

"Yet your voice was so… dirty."

"Come on, are you forgetting that one time you told me about…"

"Ewen!"

"Saved by the sister." Eren sighed and caught the impending ball of energy coming his way.

"Where you going, big bw-brrother?"

"To get us some cake from a friend."

"Can I come with?"

"Oh hun, but I'm taking a train there and you just recovered from your nasty cold, angel." Just like he predicted she started pouting sadly. "But how about, when I come back, and you take your nap, you and me help mom out in the kitchen? You like cooking right?"

"Of course! I'm gonna be a chef just like mommy!"

"Weren't you going to be a nurse like me just a week ago?"

"But that's on weekends, silly. I'm gonna be a chef on Thursdays and Fridays, and a doctor like daddy on Tuesday and Wednesday."

"Really. What about Mondays?" Eren asked holding back a smile.

"I dunno yet, I still dunno what I like. But…" She hid her head in his chest. He nudged her chin up and her eyes were so unusually shy.

"What is it?"

"I think I like dw-drawing a lot." She struggled with her 'r' there for a moment. "So I gonna do that on my days off."

"But you know what? You can work and paint all at the same time."

"Really?!"

"Yes, you can be anything you want."

"Oh, that's great. Then I'm gonna draw Monday to Friday. And cook with mommy on weekends." She jumped down from his arms.

"And what about nurse and doctor job."

"It's gooey. If I don't have to, I don't wanna. Now I'm gonna take my nap. Titan! It's sleepy time!"

"Hurricane. Human hurricane. Hope dad doesn't hear our job is 'gooey'."

Eren looked at his mother who was chuckling quietly.

"Don't look so smug she chose cooking."

"Right, right. But you're not off the hook yet. Don't tell me you're now shy to talk to me about your relationships."

"Although there's nothing to talk about."

"Yes, it's been a little while since you dated long enough to mention them to me. What about that quiet man that was over some time ago? He seemed lovely despite his little rough demeanor."

"Levi is just a friend, I told you that already."

"But?"

"Do you really wanna talk about this now, in the hallway, while I have to leave in like ten minutes?"

"True. But do you…"

He knew what she was asking of him and he respected her too much to lie to her straight up.

"Yes. So we're only friends."

"Sorry, hun."

"Me too. But now I really have to go, mom."

"About that… You don't want me to drive you? It is really cold."

Eren was already turning around, kneeling down to put his boots on but turned back around. He only looked at her as she gave him a sympathetic smile. How could he even dream that she didn't see everything that was going on with him? Even long after he moved out.

"I-I…"

"I'm your mother, Eren. I just know. So?"

"N-no. I'll take the train. It's fine." He said curtly and went down to tie his laces. While still kneeling, he spoke once more. "And Levi offered his help; I think I will take him up on that."

"I'm glad."

 

* * *

 

 

"Thanks Mike, I'm sorry for the last minute thing, but when we were talking with my mom and your restaurant came up, things went from there."

"No problem, Eren. It was nothing. But when you said you wanted cake I was certain you were getting it for Levi."

"Levi? Why would I?"

"Of course he didn't tell you." Mike sighed and leaned back on the restaurant's wall. They were currently in the back office Eren was at that one time over.

"Didn't tell me what, Mike?"

"That it was his birthday tomorrow."

"Who's?" Eren was really confused at this point.

"Levi's." Mike straightened up and looked back at Eren, running a hand through his hair, messing it up in a very attractive way Eren couldn't help but notice. All in all, Mike was a very good-looking man. "It's Christmas tomorrow _and_ Levi's birthday."

"Oh." Eren barely let out as he let that sink in. And then he scoffed at the irony of it. Mike must've read his mind and did the same.

"I know, right? Of all days this grump could be born on. That's why he doesn't tell anyone about it. He figures it doesn't matter and it's best to let it blend in with Christmas, which he doesn't like too much either. So it's not his favorite day of the year to say the least. Though I am proud to say I and other guys changed it a little in last couple of years."

"Oh, I think I can imagine how happy he was about that." Eren laughed but then his smile faltered. "Oh my god, it's tomorrow. I haven't got anything for him."

"Oh, no. He hates presents."

"And you never gave him any?" Mike tried to look innocent but failed miserably. "Thought so. I have to scram then. I have to come up with something!"

And just like that Eren hurried off as quickly as he could while carrying a bag with a cake box inside. Mike smiled to himself as he watched him go, wishing he could see Levi's face when Eren gives him whatever that hyperactive brain comes up with.

 

* * *

 

 

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!"

"Mommy doesn't like when you say that around me."

Eren almost jumped up in his spot, startled to hear Kiri right behind him. He didn't hear her come into the hall. He took a deep breath and turned around.

"Well, I didn't know you were there, so we're okay, right? You won't tell mom?"

"Of course not, big bro! You didn't tell her that one time I spilled dirty painting water on the dining room carpet but helped me clean it so we're cool." She raised her hands to be picked up and so Eren proceeded to do so, having put the cake box safely on the table. He vaguely noticed their mother walk from the kitchen to the dining room where she was stacking the growing amount of dishes. She was shaking her head with a smile so she must've heard that.

"So what's so bad you're using bad words?"

"Well, my friend has birthday tomorrow, I just found out and have no present for him."

"It's Levi's birthday tomorrow?!" She perked up instantly and Eren didn't even try to understand how the women in his life were so perceptive. He only nodded and moments later Kiri's hand collided with his forehead. "Silly brother! I know what Levi will like!"

"Oh, you do, do you now?"

"Yes! And I'll help you too!"

"How nice of you."

 

 

"Come on, mom. This is really enough. I'm not gonna fit anymore food until at least New Years. Please. I ate with guys too."

"Then you can share with others at the hospital. It's awful thing working on Christmas."

"Somebody has to, mom."

"You're telling this to a doctor's' wife, hun. Really?"

"True. I'm sorry it's me this year, but a friend covered for me once and I had to repay that favor. It sucks, especially when dad's finally home." He gazed quickly in the direction of the dining room where his father was playing with Kiri with her new face paints. He looked fondly as she smashed a big brush into his nose, making it bright pink. He had his demons when it came to his father, some tension always present between them no matter what but he never could saying anything against how he treated Kiri. Eren wasn't sure if it was because he was older, with a little bit more time on his hands, or maybe if he learned on the mistakes he made with Eren, but his father was gentle with her.

Not that he became perfect after the turmoil of Kiri's birth. Eren still butted heads with him about how he treated his mother. Or more like the lack of it. The fact that he was home on Christmas was a miracle all of its own. He looked back to his mother, pulling on his jacket and zipping it up. "We should make a registry about it. It's like a Christmas miracle. Who knows, maybe we'll hear Titan speak as well."

"Eren, please." Carla sighed sadly.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to be mean, it's just…"

"I know honey. But I'm telling you, you two should talk. He's not the way you might think he is. You _know_   we accept you the way you are, right?"

"You do. Him? I wouldn't be too sure."

"He does. But he's a little brute. He doesn't do 'talk'. Kind of like your Levi friend."

"Mom! Don't compare them! And you make it sound like Levi's…." He looked at his mother's smug face and glared while a smile remained. "Oh, you sneak. But I have to go or I'm going to be late. And yes, I promise to give bag number one to Hannes, eat something in my break, pass on bag number two to Mrs. Gray and so on and on."

"Fine, fine. I am a little overprotective. Sue me."

"Anyway, thanks for letting Titan stay. But please save him from the paint. I don't think it's animal friendly."

"I promise."

"Right, I'll…" Eren put his hands into his jacket's pocket, then his pants when he remembered. "Shoot! I left my phone."

"Don't you dare walk into the house in those massive boots of yours! I'll go get it."

"Thank you. I think it might be in the living room."

Eren walked closer to the door, gathering all the bags more comfortably in his hands. He almost dropped one when he noticed a paper on the floor, next to the small table's leg. He kneeled down to pick it up and almost set it next to the other envelopes but something caught his eye. Before he knew what he was doing his eyes were scanning the letters and the more he read the colder his blood turned. His breath quickened and his throat dried, his tongue sticking to his palate. The hand that was holding the paper started to shake and sweat broke up on his forehead, making the winter jacket he had on way too warm.

"Eren, honey? I don't see it in the living room. Where else might've you left it?"

Eren spoke on automatic as he stared at few words, reading them over and over again, refusing to believe.

"C-check near the tree. I..I t-think I was taking pictures."

With a shaky hand he barely managed to put the paper back on the table, where he presumed it used to lay, trying to make it look as natural as possible with the rest of the envelopes.

He was done just in time when his mother walked back inside.

"Found it. It was one the couch."

"T-thank you. I really have to go now. I heard the cab honk."

"Is everything okay, honey?"

"What? What do you mean? I'm just in a hurry."

Eren kissed his mother's cheek in a daze and walked out. How he got inside the cab and to work was something out of a dream. Or more like a nightmare. He felt disconnected and dazed. By luck he met Hannes on his way to the locker room and had a chance to pass on the bag his mother gave to him. Hannes was in a hurry so there was no needles chit chat. Eren was very grateful for the coincidence. He wasn't sure if he'd manage to put a facade convincing enough to fool his God father.

Mrs. Gray had to notice something when he gave her his fake smile as he handed over the small box filled with all sort of desserts but said nothing. She knew him well enough he didn't react well to being pushed.

And at this point he wasn't even sure he could speak more than the few words that did somehow leave his mouth. It was like walking through a thick fog, it coated his body, made his limbs heavy as he dragged his feet. But it was his soul that was being crushed. It was covered in feelings of guilt and self loathing. He was frustrated and angry and dejected, all at the same time. He couldn't control his feelings as he slummed down on the bench in the locker room. When did he even change into his robes?

He looked at his hands and they were shaking. He closed his eyes, took deep breaths, praying for the panic attack he felt was coming to pass. For everything to just go away. If he wouldn't get it under control now it would overwhelm him. He just knew it.

He squeezed his fists, feeling his fails digging into his palms painfully, leaving indents, and maybe even starting to draw blood at this point. Put the pain grounded him, cleared up the fog in head a little. Yet it wasn't enough. His breaths still became quick and shallow. His eyes shut tight, trying to concentrate on coming back but he was failing miserably. Even the iron smell and the growing pain in his hands wasn't enough, all of it could not make it stop. Then he snapped his eyes open, trying to draw a breath but his lungs just wouldn't fill with air. He was starting to grow dizzy but the lack of oxygen didn't stop the sudden and bewildering surge of anger that filled him. He needed to vent, he needed to let it out or there was no way he would take another breath. He just knew this was the only way for him right now.

He was already raising his fist, aiming for the wall but realized what a foolish thing to do. They would see. They would know right away and ask useless questions. Eren let his hand hang at his side, walked closer to the empty wall and then kicked it in a surge of rage. His toes hurt instantly, he cringed at the pain but it wasn't enough, his breathing still didn't even out. Then he hit the wall with his left elbow, strategically using his non dominant side, but anger kept pumping in his veins. He gritted his teeth and knew what he could do to end this turmoil.

He closed his eyes and slammed his head against the wall one last time. When he opened his eyes he saw stars. He was aching, his small toe hurting, most probably broken, and when he registered the cold trickle down his left hand he realized he must have scraped his elbow on the rough wall. The same cold feeling slowly oozed down his forehead and nose. His bushy hair will hide the evidence, he was sure but he had to stop the bleeding quickly. He didn't have a lot of time before his shift was to start.

Eren was quick in treating his wounds, going on automatic, his nurse side taking over. He pushed, nudged and checked the extent of his injuries but besides the broken toe it was nothing that would take too much to heal. A small cut on the top of his head that wouldn't be visible unless someone looked really closely, a scratch on his elbow he could lie his way out of and only his left palm was pierced with a single nail. He would just say he was playing a little rough with Titan and an accident happened.

Luck was on his side and only after he got it together, his appearance and breathing all calmed down, another person walked inside the locker. He recognized one of the young interns and nodded his head in a greeting while quickly leaving.

The first two hours of his shift was like something out someone else's life. Like he was looking from the side and wasn't the one that did the actual moving and talking. He made sure to make no mistakes, his job was too important for that but he still didn't feel completely present.

And then his luck ended the moment he walked back from one of the rooms and towards the reception at their floor.

Eren saw him from a distance and his instinct told him to run, hide somewhere before Levi saw him. But his survival instinct was dulled, just like a bigger part of him ever since he left his parents' house. He figured it was his self destructive side of him that moved his legs toward Levi and then made him speak up.

"Hey, Levi."

Levi startled and turned around. It looked like Mrs. Gray caught him and he indulged her in some one sided chit-chat.

"Oh, Eren. So you were of the unlucky ones to land a shift on Christmas, huh?"

"I owed a favor somebody. But who cares. It's nothing that fancy at my house anyway."

"Oh, I bet your mother is of another opinion."

"M-my mother. Yes. For her I wish I could've stayed. Did you just come or are you leaving?"

"Just came. The guys kidnapped me like every year."

Eren was bursting with curiosity but he vaguely remembered the feeling from that Friday evening and shut his lips. He was almost able to guess what Levi was talking about but persevered. He disconnected on the inside once more and tried to look at Levi like nothing more than just another friend. Seeing how broken he felt inside at the moment, it was a very easy feat.

"Must be nice. But I won't stop you from going to Erwin, I have to go back to work too. Bye."

And after quickly giving Mrs. Gray the charts back he did all but run, leaving a very confused Levi behind.

"Forgive him, lad. I think something happened at home. He came to work already this way."

Levi itched to go forward, to follow Eren and simply help him but stayed glued to the spot. Something still pulled him backward with just the tiniest of strengths. It was light but nudged Levi inside at just the right moment and stopped him from running after the younger man. With a heavy heart and a sad sigh he turned on his heel and walked towards Erwin's room, doing his best to ignore the tugging at his heart.

 

 

Eren gazed at his watch and thanked the heavens it was a time he could take a ten minute break. He ran to the locker room, finding it empty once again and sat on the bench, staring at his hands for a very long time. He got up and sat back down, walked around and then sat once more. He went to his locker and opened it for no reason.

But in that moment he saw the decorative bag he placed at the top to keep it from being squashed, managing to do so even in his hazy state of mind. His heart ached and he let out a whimper. He couldn't do it. He couldn't just run away from him that easily, not at this point, not anymore. And Kiri's bright blue, little crooked bow reminded him of that. For that short moment he forgot about the words he read and grabbed the bag. He put it up against his chest and took a long deep breath. He still had a present for Levi. He needed to give that to him. He had to do it and not only for himself.

When he stepped in front of the door it took him a long moment to raise his hand and knock. After a faint 'come in' he let himself inside and found Levi at his usual spot.

"What's up Eren. Got a break?" Eren could see Levi was pretending his weird behavior didn't happen and was grateful for it.

"Yes. I actually forgot something. I-I've got a present for you."

Levi was shocked and got up, walking towards Eren. They met halfway.

"Who told you? Fess up."

"But it's for Christmas…"

"I see two bags, Yeager, no need to play dumb. Well, dumber."

"It was Mike. But it should've been you. That's why you get a smaller present for your birthday. It was last minute."

"Good, I don't need anyone reminding me how old I am."

Eren let out a long groan.

"Oi, what did you do?"

"Not everything at once. Here. I know you don't celebrate Christmas but you still will accept this." Eren extended one hand with a smaller, dark red decorative bag. "Merry Christmas, Levi."

"You didn't have to but thank you, Eren. I…"

"And this," Eren interrupted Levi while he still had the courage and handed over the bigger bag that had the big bow on it. "Is for your birthday. It's from me and Kiri. She helped out." To Eren's surprise Levi's hand shook a little as he took the bag from him and was staring at it for a long time. "I will tell you what's inside this one because I have a message from Kiri. If you could look inside?" Levi set the smaller bag at the foot of Erwin's bed and proceeded to look inside. "There are cookies inside. There's a set from me, the chocolate ones and normal. As you can figure the colorful, heart-shaped ones are from Kiri. There are thirty-three of them in each one." Levi looked up with a glare. "It wasn't my idea. I swear. She said that you have to make a wish each time you eat one."

"I get that many wishes, huh?"

"Yes, because they are magical. They are special so you don't only get one. And there are two bigger ones in a separate wrapping. It's the 34th one, for good luck for next year."

"Your sister...She's… Tell her thank you. A b-big one."

Eren said nothing when Levi's voice broke a little there and once again kept his gaze down.

"So, I guess happy birthday Levi."

He was already meaning to walk out but Levi looked back at him.

"I actually have something for you, brat." He quickly got a neatly wrapped box out of his bag and extended it towards Eren, who was so shocked that he just stood there. "I took it on the off chance you'd be here. Come on, take it!"

Eren snapped out of it and took the box. He set it close to his heart, overwhelmed by emotions.

"It's nothing much but I hope…"

"Thank you, Levi." Eren smiled to him, actually let a real smile in a long while his heart filled to the brim.

"No problem, kid. Merry Christmas and all that."

Eren chuckled at oh-so-Levi's way of wishing happy Christmas but nodded.

They stood there for a long moment, just looking at each other, not saying a word but not even a second of it was uncomfortable. But the magic ended when Eren's phone beeped, telling him his break was over. Both snapped out of it suddenly, looking away.

"Um, I have to go now."

"Right. Don't want to get in trouble."

"Thank you again. Hope you like the other present."

"You too." Levi said, nodding at the box held in Eren's hands.

Eren turned around and was already at the door but an impulse surged through him. He turned around and words were out his mouth before he knew what was happening.

"Do you wanna come to our New Year's party?"

"What?"

"Connie and Sasha are throwing a New Year's party. But it's a small get together, the guys, only few other friends. But I bet you have plans already…"

"I…don't. But let… no. It's sudden but sure. I'll come."

Eren grinned, nodded, mumbled something about sending Levi details later and scrambled out.

Only when already outside it hit him what he had just done.

He did everything he was not supposed to.

He was screwed big time.

But the light of the corridor snapped him back and reminded him about the other problem. He became hollow inside without Levi at his side to distract him. So in the end he just said hell with it. It wasn't like he could make things worse than they already were.

It was needless to say, he was very wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up late to edit this out and I bet the mistakes are still there for which I'm sorry. Hope you liked it ^_^  
> Oooo and the next chapter is where _the_ thing will happen, I cannot wait!


	21. Shatter Me With Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's fine and all in good fun until real life comes crashing in on you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter will have lots of notes, some kinda important so please read ^_^  
> 1\. Still looking for a beta guys, so if any of you lovelies would like to help me out, you can write on my [tumblr](http://darkshadekristen.tumblr.com/) or even here.  
> 2\. WARNING: there are some things mentioned in this chapter that I am aware can be triggering for some people, but as I don't want to spoil anything with adding new tags just yet, anyone who needs those, please go to End Notes, they are written there;  
> 3\. At one point there's a link inside the text so be aware of that, you don't have to but I'd love if you clicked it while reading a certain part;  
> 4\. This chapter is one month later than I was planning because of reasons, once again, beyond me, for which I am sorry. I thought I would be able to fit in the about two month interval this time around.

* * *

 

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What's wrong?" Hanji asked but Levi did a good job of ignoring her.

"I'm going to fucking strangle that kid."

"My gut's telling me it's Eren's life that's in danger here."

"How can you just _forget_ about something like that! You dimwitted moron!"

"Lev, your cellphone's gonna crack if you keep squeezing it like that."

"That's it. I'm not going. And he can only blame himself for it."

"Levi!"

Levi finally snapped back from his monologue and looked at Hanji, who was currently very comfortable, slumped back on a couch in his living room while he was laying back on the sofa.

"What!" He yelled back.

"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!" Hanji yelled back in reply. Levi took a deep breath, sighed and nonchalantly threw his cell phone. It was a good thing Hanji had a quick reflexes and managed to (just barely) catch it. "Read the last text from Ere-moron. Though the brat _did_ try to type somewhat correctly this time around, I'll give him that."

Hanji didn't bother to mention it wasn't really a word and unlocked the phone's screen and started reading out loud.

_"Wats up Levi! I hope we're still on with the New Years party! You didnt cancel on me so I assume we r. Im gonna come over to your house around 7 p.m. okay? It's closer from your place to go to Connie and Sasha's. Oh, I forgot to mention a small detail last time that we spoke. The party is kinda like a dress up 1? And I don't mean suits. It's like halloween-masquarade thing? Dunno how else to call it xP But you don't HAVE to, if you dont wanna of course. It's just smth we do every year, so thought you should know. Oh, I'll send few pics from last year so you can get a feeling about the costumes? I know it's a little last minute info so don't let it be 2 much of a bother. You can come just in normal clothes too and it  still will be just fine!! See you soon! ^_^"_

"I don't get what's…"

"Go on and check the attached pics." Levi let out with a groan, turned around and lied on his stomach, hiding his face in the comforter.

Hanji shrugged and proceeded to do so and with each image she had opened she had to squeeze her teeth tighter, the urge to laugh almost too much to hold back. Levi didn't have to see her to know for a fact she was fighting with an outburst.

"Laugh and I swear you'll be looking for a job after holidays are over. Partner or not."

The threat sounded very genuine so she took a few deep breaths, looking through more pictures. She had to swallow deeply when she came upon a woman's picture. She was facing the camera somewhat shyly, pouring a drink into a cup, most probably caught off guard by someone taking her picture. Her hair was mid waist long and ebony black, on top of it she had a cute maroon steampunk hat, tilted slightly to one side. Her dress was in all shades of dark maroon and brown, short, ending at her mid thighs. She had short black fingerless gloves on and knee length brown boots. The light blush on her cheeks added to her charm and contrasted nicely with her overall pale complexion and dark eye makeup. It took Hanji a little longer to click on the next picture.

"Um, the pics are…"

"High class?"

"A little. Yes. It seems the kids really put their heart into the ideas."

"And I have one freaking day!"

"Okay, I can see your dilemma."

"That's why I am not going. Not only I'm going to be the old geezer among them," _You're only few years older_ by Hanji passed unnoticed. "But there's no freaking way I can get some adequate costume by tomorrow!"

"So you're not even saying this is stupid and you won't dress up overall. Where's the Levi I know."

"Shove it."

"Come on. Let's get up, go to Erwin's like we were supposed to, we'll come back and I'll help you think of something. And then you'll explain yourself why exactly you didn't say anything about the invite before."

"What for? All of you had plans for the New Year's anyway so…"

"You just let us assume you were gonna spend it alone at home or in the hospital?"

"What's the fucking difference?"

"The difference is that me and Mike were feeling bad about leaving you behind, like any good friends would." Hanji said harshly and walked off to the hallway.

Levi groaned into the comforter and got up. Hanji's been getting a bit more cranky lately and he knew he would have to indulge her in a detailed story if he hoped to smooth things over.

"Wait up, you ass!"

 

* * *

 

 "See, no big deal? He just invited me by accident, I happened to be there and we exchanged gifts. That is all."

"Sure, sure." Levi didn't even bother asking what that undertone meant.

"Well, I'm still not going. If that freaking brat thought it was okay to tell me about...."

Levi's voice trailed off as he looked at somebody passing, his head turning to its limits.

"What's wrong, Levi?" Hanji asked, looking in the same direction as Levi but not really understanding why some older doctor suddenly caught Levi's attention."

"Late notice? Then he gets me in a freaking lame costume. Go on to Erwin's room. I'll be right back."

"But Levi, Eren invited you and said…"

"If this works out I'm going to go, so go on already!" Hanji sighed and did as told. She only vaguely heard Levi call somebody called 'Hannes'? But she couldn't be sure.

 

* * *

 

Levi, who was somewhat desperate stood there and withstood Hannes' not so subtle chuckling. If it wasn't for time pressure he would've never gone with the stupid idea that suddenly popped into his head when he saw the middle aged doctor he knew was Eren's boss but as well as his godfather. So family, right? At least that's what Levi figured and hoped he didn't cross some line he didn't know about. It didn't help being socially awkward in moments like these.

"So the kids still make that party, huh? It will be a third? No, a fourth one. I figured they would bore of it by now."

"Maybe grow up and think better?" Levi proposed even though he didn't completely follow the topic.

"Them? Nah. They will throw it even in their forties, I bet."

"But about my, um, request?"

"Sure! But you have to get me a pic of Eren's expression when he'll see it, alright?"

"Uh, sure?" Levi agreed though he completely didn't not get the point of it.

"I have to go now, I'm a little busy so how about in an hour you come to my office? I think I can get that in an hour or so."

"Thanks. The brat gave me the info very last minute and…"

"No problem, Levi. No problem at all. It will be my pleasure, _believe_ _me_."

Levi was confused again but didn't comment and just thanked the man once more.

 

* * *

 

 

"You're no fun with the long coat."

"Be fucking grateful that I am even going. You sent the info barely 24 hours before the party."

"I know, I was somewhat...preoccupied these past few days. It completely slipped my mind. That's why I told you it was okay to not to dress up…"

"And be an even bigger odd man out? No thanks. And you're wearing a long coat as well, so you're one to talk."

"Well, um I…" Eren looked to the side, his cheeks slightly tinting.

"What, are you sporting speedos there or something? Though it would be stupid with temperature below zero."

"Of course not!" Eren blushed even more. It wasn't like he could defend himself and say he just wasn't sure of Levi's reaction, and maybe wanting to surprise him? Nope. It was too stupid to even think about.

"True. I don't think heavy boots go with a swimming suit." Because that was the only thing that was noticeable from underneath Eren's coat - heavy, dark brown boots.

"Come on. You'll see when we get there. It's always this way, anyway. No one knows who dresses up as who."

"So what if two people dress up the same?" Levi asked as they got into the cab Eren arrived in, the driver maybe only slightly fidgety because of the wait.

"Doubtful." Eren scooted in the seat next to Levi, making sure to keep his costume covered up with the coat. It wasn't anything extraordinary this year, his mind and heart weren't completely into it. It was simply last minute, a last resort he grabbed onto but for some reason he wasn't sure what Levi actually and honestly thought of the whole dress up ordeal. He probably deemed it stupid and childish. "If anything, all the guys are extremely creative about this for some reason. If  it makes you feel better, I got mine last minute as well."

"We'll see."

 

* * *

 

"Come on, Eren. You're making me blush and my boyfriend is right next to me."

Eren, whose mouth was somewhat agape, blinking mindlessly as he looked at Sasha who greeted them when he rang the doorbell.

She and Connie were obviously a mafia duo, both wearing hats, Connie's white with a black silk around while Sasha's was reversed - black hat with a white around it. Connie was wearing black suit pants, jazz boots that were white with black front and sides. He had a bright red tie and a white short sleeved dress shirt with no jacket. The look completed the black suspenders.

Sasha was his opposite. She had a black tight wife beater on and a white high skirt held up by white suspenders. It went up to the middle of her stomach and ended just above her knees. Around her neck she had a white dress collar with a short red tie. Her long brown hair were tied in a big, elegant bun as her hat was tilted to the side a little. Her stockings were black with a black line going through them making it look like a garter belt strings. She had jazz boots on well but on a high heel which made her taller than Connie.  

"And he's very smug about it." Levi chuckled, looking at Connie, who in fact was right next to her, keeping his hand around her slim waist and beaming with pride that the woman next to him was his partner.

"I...I'm sorry. You just look." Eren shook his head and chuckled in embarrassment. "Let's just say Connie should be glad I'm completely gay." Eren looked Sasha over once more and grinned. "You look beautiful, Sasha.

"Even if you weren't, you'd have no chance with me, Eren. Only this man can satisfy all my needs." Sasha winked while planting one on Connie's reddening cheek to which Eren chuckled while Levi rolled his eyes.

"Eren's right." Levi added. "You both look very attractive tonight." He sent a smirk in Connie's direction whose eyes widened. If it was in surprise or fear, Eren could only guess as he chuckled. After that they were quick to let them inside, telling them to feel at home.

They went inside a small but a wide foyer, wide set of dark cherry set of stairs on their right. The walls and floors were all in light colors. On their left was an open space of the living room, a big sofa in the middle, two loveseats and other three single couches around, on the right of the room at the very end was a big flat screen tv. Levi noticed two people playing some kind of video game on it.

Straight ahead where the cosy foyer ended a dining room began. The table, that presumably usually stood in the middle of the room, was pushed to the right and even from the distance Levi could see the amazing amount of bottles on top of it. It was a wonder the table still did not split into two. On the left of the dining room Levi could catch the smallest glimpse of the kitchen, the big maple kitchen island separating it from the dining room. Under and behind the stairs Levi noticed some kind of hallway that led to another part of the house and on his immediate right a set of double doors that probably led to the garage. The not so faint sounds of music that broke through it gave Levi the suspicion that the garage has been turned into a dance floor for the night.

"You were messing with him, weren't you?" Eren said to Levi as they walked up to the movable hanger near the stairs, brought out especially for tonight to manage all the coats.

"What, he looked handsome in that suit?" Levi said innocently. "Plus, you cannot tell me, with all queer friends he has, you never messed with him or at least joked around."

"That's true, of course. But I think not so much the idea of you hitting on him scared him as much as it was just, well, _you_."

Levi shook his head but chuckled, starting to unbutton his coat though doing so a little slowly, unsure of himself all of a sudden, not that his expression showed any of that. When he was done with the buttons yet the coat still closed he looked up at Eren. He was studying Levi, his own hands stopped working on his own buttons midway.

"Really? You first." Levi scoffed and kept his coat untouched, covering his body.

"Why?"

"'Cause I said so."

"Really?"

Levi nodded, folding his arms in front of his chest.

Eren sighed and chuckled. He murmured something that sounded very much like 'childish' but Levi didn't comment.

He was right in the end. Levi himself had no idea why he was acting this way, any other day he'd just take off his coat and say hell with it. But today? Today his shoulders felt lighter, _he_ felt lighter inside and was in a mood to tease Eren a little. He was just a small (maybe pun intended) asshole like that. Not like he enjoyed looking at Eren's pout when he got angry at him.

Eren turned his back to Levi, to which Levi rolled his eyes at. Soon enough he was slipping the coat off his shoulders while Levi held his breath, something he wasn't even aware of doing. Levi himself didn't know what to expect but he did not anticipate himself to have trouble swallowing at such a simple sight.

Eren turned around, a shy smirk on his lips and he shrugged his shoulders.

"Told ya it was simple, nothing as fancy as others will probably be in."

"True. Ordinary." Levi threw nonchalantly, walking to the hanger, taking off his own coat in the meanwhile, trying not to look at Eren while passing him. "At least we'll match." Levi scoffed as he turned around.

"Eren?" Levi asked when after a long while Eren said nothing back, just started at him, his mouth slightly open. Levi suddenly remembered something, took out his phone and took Eren's picture. The sound got Eren out of his daze and he shook his head.

"Wh-why did you…?"

"Oh, Hannes asked for it. That's where I got this from, seeing how someone forgot…"

"Ok, got it, got it. But he told you to take my picture? In my costume?" Eren asked confused.

"Nope. Of your reaction for some reason."

"Asshole." Eren murmured to himself. Of course Hannes knew him too well. "Come on, let's go. I think I need a drink."

Levi followed Eren, eying once again Eren's outfit and wondering how this simple get up looked so _not_ ordinary when Eren wore it.

The younger man had a tight black t-shirt on. It was very simple but clung to his body like a second skin, every curve of the chest and back apparent despite the material covering them. The color and the tightness of the shirt made it more noticeable how muscled Eren's arms were. He wore dark brown heavy boots Levi noticed before and the thing that told what he was dressed up as were yellow cargo pants that hung quite low on Eren's hip and were held up by red suspenders. Give Eren an axe and safety hat of some kind and he could easily pass up as a real firefighter.

But then again, maybe not. Because Levi just knew he would not react this way to a normal firefighter. There had to be something wrong with Eren's outfit. He just didn't know what exactly it was.

So even if it was nothing fancy compared to Sasha and Connie's, Levi kept looking and wondering why Eren still looked a world better than them to him.

Levi looked down at his own get-up and sighed. Though he hardly cared he still felt slightly under-dressed in his black fitted jeans and navy blue dress shirt with a simple doctor's white smock thrown on that he got from Hannes. He also had a stethoscope around his neck, a real deal too - once again thanks to Hannes - which should make up for the simplicity of it all but a part of him felt insecure about being able to fit in with others. Even if it never showed, even if he never let others see, parties like this always made him realize what a social outcast he was.

It seemed something must've showed on his face, or maybe it was because he stopped walking or maybe it was just Eren's keen sense when it came to him because he turned around and looked at Levi with a warm smile.

"Come on, Levi. You look okay." Levi had a strong urge to ask him what the hell he meant but held it back. Thanks to that he managed to hear Eren speak. It was almost a whisper, almost completely covered up by the faint sound of the music coming from the other room but Levi still heard a quiet "A whole lot more than okay" leave Eren's mouth while he caught a sight of a pink cheeks.

He scoffed at Eren. Or maybe it was at himself when he felt warmth fill his own cheeks. He hadn't the slightest clue what was going on with him today. He knew he needed a drink, a strong one and needed it fast.

 

* * *

 

"Tell me again why I accepted your invitation?" Levi looked to the side and at Eren. Eren chuckled at him and teasingly bumped his hip with his own.

"Come on. Don't be a grump." Eren took a sip of his beer and eyed the colorful crowd that were his friends. "It's almost new year. How about making your new year's resolution be 'I shall lighten…'" Eren almost squeaked at Levi's glare when he looked in his direction. "Ok, never mind. But still, this is just decoration, went overboard one but still."

"Exactly. Who the fuck came up with the idea anyway? You guys are all nearing your thirties and you have dress up parties? Really?"

Eren sighed and looked ahead once more. He smiled when he saw Mikasa and Armin dancing. The two people from before finished playing games and vacated the TV. Armin and Mikasa took that chance, put on some music on it and started dancing. Why, when there was professional music set in the garage playing at the volume that threatened a person's eardrums - Levi did not know.

At the moment Armin was making Mikasa giggle when he dipped her down, lowering his head to her neck where he most probably blew a raspberry judging by her sudden squeal. Armin's hair, which he seemed to be growing out, covered it up so Eren couldn't be sure, even if he did pull some of them back in a tiny pony tail.

Both of them looked really dashing in their costumes.

Armin's dress up, as far as Eren could guess, was a pirate. He had no shirt on, only a simple brown vest, which he left unbuttoned and showed of his pale yet muscled chest. Both of his hands had leather arm braces that went from his wrist to half of his lower arm. He had on black tights and knee lenght boots on a small heel. His look was finished with a red bandana around his head. Eren was planning to ask later if the tattoo on his arm was part of the costume or if he finally visited Ymir's place.

Mikasa kept on smiling as she fixed up her big witch hat that almost fell off when Armin dipped her down. Her hair was loose, some clinged to her neck as her exposed skin shined with a small layer of sweat. She had a bra like shirt in a navy color, her whole muscled stomach exposed while her puffed up, pantaloon shorts went to her mid thighs. They were red starting at the bottom and went into a light pink, glittering with gold threads which shined whenever she moved. Around her waist she had a thick belt, in the same navy color as her shirt that went into a big bow at the back. Attached to it was a navy train that sparkled with the same gold threats while the inner side of it was the same red to pink gradient as the pants. On her feet she wore dark blue ankle boots on a small heel.

"All of them did." Eren smiled a little more as he whispered, most probably to himself. Levi's keen hearing still caught it.

"Meaning?" Eren sighed and figured it was nothing worth keeping a secret.

"Don't tell me later I ruined the light mood with my sappy story." Levi gave him a look that said to go on. "It was the same year after my accident, so it was, what? Three years ago? Yes, I think this is our fourth party like this. Well, I was still, you could say slummed, still using the crutches and all, when they thought to throw this party to lighten things up for me. But Jean, I think it was Jean who came up with the idea, offered they'd dress up to make things funnier. Anything to cheer me up, because I was… Let's say I was in a bad place back then."

"So you started to dress up as, well," Levi looked around the crowd and scoffed. "anything that comes to mind since then?"

"Yes. Pretty much, it stuck." Eren chuckled, though even he heard it was kind of strained and forced. "Though the first party? That was something else. Special all on its own." Levi send him a confused look. "They all dressed up as, well, _me_."

"You?"

"They dressed up as a nurse. All of them."

"That must've been, monotone?"

"You'd think so, right? But not a single one of them look like the other. They came up with any variation of a nurse you could imagine. Armin was a nun-nurse, all in white and long dress. Mikasa simply stole my own uniform and refitted it. Ymir wore leather black one, Krista - a white one, also leather. Jean, god, Jean went with the joker nurse version." Levi looked really confused and Eren decided he would educate him about the Batman trilogy later and simply explained. "Mid thigh ugly white dress, black socks and white crocs." Eren shuddered at the memory. "Red wig and even did the whole make up. Connie and Sasha and wore same outfits but different colors, complete reverse of the other."

"What about Marco."

Levi looked surprised when Eren blushed at the memory.

"Um, Marco. Yes. Marco was not that bad."

"Eren."

"Gosh, Marco was dressed up in a female version of a sexy nurse."

"And?"

"Have you any idea how that man looks in a white. thight short-short skirt and thigh highs?"

"I'm guessing he looked good."

"Good doesn't even begin to describe that. He…."

BAM!

Eren huffed in annoyance when he felt a whack on the back of his head.

"Let's say, Jean was foaming with jealousy the whole night." Eren spoke without even turning around.

"I was not. I was just protecting what's mine. You guys were eating him up with your eyes." Levi turned around to face Marco and Jean who seemed to have arrived, their cheeks pink from the outside cold. Okay, maybe Marco's not only caused by the cold.

"Jean!" Marco squealed next to him while hitting his exposed arm in the process as a reprimand. Jean looked with a smug smirk at his boyfriend.

"What, you're mine, I'm yours, isn't that true?"

"I-it is. But…" Marco pouted and folded his arms in front of his bare chest.

Levi eyed both of them now and came to the conclusion that Eren's friends didn't seem to have any qualms when it came to nudity. The pair in front of him seemed to be dressed up as an Egyptian pair.

Marco had a thick, gold necklace around his neck that formed a v shape in front that ended mid his pectorals. Around both his arms he had thick gold bracelets that held black sleeves, hanging loose around his arms, while his wrist bore matching braces. His whole torso was exposed and low on his hips hang black, silk like male skirt that ended above knees. Around his lean hips was a gold belt that held it in place. When Levi looked up he saw, most probably fake, extension of hair hanging on the right of his head with green and blue beads decorating it.

"I see that you're the female version this time around, Jean?" Eren smiled a smug smile as he eyed his costume. Levi looked at Jean and indeed he noticed that the younger man seemed to have dressed as a female.

Around his neck he had a similar gold necklace in a v-shaped front but from his descended  multiple gold chains and went around his torso, forming something very similar to a bra. His upper arms also had bracelets but instead of sleeve like material, they had short gold chains with small green and blue stones that ended above Jean's elbows. His wrist braces were more delicate detailed than Marco's. But the biggest difference between Marco's and Jean's costumes were the skirts. Jean's was also of the same black, silk material made of three part. The two loose ones on the side barely went past where his ass ended while the separate material that was in the middle reached his ankles, covering his front and back. The whole side of his legs were exposed and when he stood now, his left leg slightly more forward than the other, it was completely exposed. From the thick muscled thigh to his foot that bore a sandal, with the laces wrapping up to his mid calf. Eren eyed it despite himself and because he knew Jean well enough, he was certain his friend had shaved his legs especially for this. He would die before admitting it, but Eren thought Jean's legs looked very alluring in his costume.

"Got a problem with that, Jeager?" Jean challenged.

"Hell, no. Just surprised, Kirschtein." Eren barked back, hopefully his small eye lingering went unnoticed.

"Come on, babe. Stop with the bickering and get me a drink." Marco intervened. Jean sighed and nodded. He smirked at Eren as he approached him, jabbing him in the ribs while passing.

Eren growled and went to follow him into the dining room but Marco stopped him, grabbing him by the arm. Eren turned around confused.

"First of all - thanks for the help with our fight. As you can see, things are all okay now."

"I'm glad, Marco. I really am. But come on, I won't beat him up. Much."

"That's not why… Don't tease him about the costume, okay?"

"Come on, Marco." Eren whined. "Last year when I…" Eren looked at Marco's serious expression, for a moment confused but then Levi, who was watching quietly from the side, could see Eren understood something and smiled kindly at Marco. "Okay, Marco. I won't. You both look great by the way."

Marco nodded in thanks and let Eren's arm go.

"I'll get us another beer, unless you want something else, Levi?"

It took Levi a few seconds to realize he was spoken to.

"What? No. Beer is good."

When Eren walked up to the table that had all kinds of beverage on and Levi was amused enough looking at Jean and Eren playfighting, Levi looked at Marco.

"I have this weird feeling I missed something there." Levi said in a way that gave Marco a way out if he didn't want to explain. The taller man grinned and looked away as well.

"Yes, you might not know. It's just that me and Jean always dress up in a pair. Like Connie and Sasha or Ymir and Krista. Though until today, I was the one who wore, what you might call, the "female part" of the costume. It's just that, I feel comfortable in both, so it was just natural choice for me." Marco paused for a moment, looking at Levi. Levi's eyebrows lowered in thought when he finally understood. He nodded at Marco to continue. "Right. But this year, well, this time Jean said he wanted to try it."

"Confused? And that's why you don't want Eren to tease him."

"Yes. Jean might play all confident asshole with a foul mouth but underneath it all he's very insecure about himself. No matter how hard I try to make him see he has no reason to. But look at us!" Marco chuckled nervously. "All gloomy and serious at a new year's party!"

"I was told I'm gloomy and a grump all year round." Levi said in a very serious tone while shrugging.

For a moment Marco just stared, unsure if he should take it as a joke or not and Levi's non expressive face was not helping. When Levi tilted his head to side in confusion, resembling something close to a grumpy cat, Marco just lost it. He started laughing despite himself. While his eyes watered he barely noticed Levi smirking as well.

"I see you take short breaks, so all's good." Marco said while taking deep breaths. "Come on, let's get those two before they break something." Levi looked to the side and indeed Eren had Jean's head in a death grip as he gave him a noogie, Jeans limbs flailing dangerously close to all the glasses on the table.

"God, they are impossible."

"I know, aren't they adorable?" Marco said in delight.

"I think I'd use another word but let's go with yours." Marco laughed again and took a step forward. "Marco?" He turned back around. "Um, is it okay to ask for your pronouns?"

The way Marco's face lit up surprised Levi to no end. His grin was wide as he nodded his head.

"Of course. 'Him' is just fine. But you can use 'them' as well. Thank you so much for asking, Levi."

 

* * *

 

"I see that Levi guy got your kink, huh?" Jean said as he sent Eren a smug look.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Eren asked, reaching for a beer bottle.

"Um, the doctor get up of course? Duh?"

Eren prayed that the warmth spreading to his cheeks was only his imagination.

"Shut up, asshole."

"So I got it? Ha!"

"You're lucky I'm nice or I'd say something about your own get up."

"Right, right. You're just saying so because you're too stupid to come up with a come back. So, later on, you'll get your own uniform and…" Jean wiggle his eyebrows at Eren.

"That's it! You're done for, Kirschtein."

Eren yelled as he jumped forward and grabbed Jean's head in a death grip.

 

* * *

 

"Should I be jealous?" Jean inquired, fixing his messed up hair and eyed Levi suspiciously. "What did you do to make Marco smile so much?"

"No need, babe. He just asked for my pronouns." He went up to Jean, all smiles and putting his head on his boyfriend's shoulder, all smiles. "Come on, I wanna dance now."

"Oh." Jean smirked in satisfaction. "Thanks for doing that, Lev. I'm going, Marco. I'm going." Jean chuckled as Marco proceeded in the garage's direction and kept on pulling on his arm.

"You might've just made it so that Jean won't ever call you shorty again."

"He fucking called me that?" Levi's head snapped to his left where Eren stood.

"Oops?" Eren shrugged his shoulders and smiled not so innocent smile.

"I'll get him later for that."

"I _should_ feel sorry for him. But naah." Eren took a sip of his beer.

"So what were you fighting about this time?" Levi asked, taking the beer from Eren's extended hand.

"Oh, the usual, meaning nothing much." Taking another, a much larger gulp of the alcohol that was meant to distract Eren from thinking about the conversation he had with Jean. It also gave him a chance to look away from Levi. He was feeling guilty about how accurate Jean was with his jokes, making it impossible for Eren to face Levi at the moment.

 

* * *

 

"Leeeevi." The person of interest heard this annoying whine behind him where he was cooped up on a single seat couch.

"Told ya, brat. I don't do well with socializing, let me be." Levi turned around to tell Eren to piss off but stopped mid word.

"You're not Eren."

Krista chuckled and walked around the couch with Ymir in tow.

"Nah, I'm not."

"Yet, you whine in such a similar manner." Levi pondered.

"Don't they?!" Ymir said excitedly. "I keep telling them the same thing for years now but they always brush me off." Krista huffed and pouted, folding arms in front of her chest.

"Though the pout is different." Levi added, tilting his head to the side while looking at the small blonde in front of him. Ymir chuckled while hugging her girlfriend from behind.

"Come on! You'll get your make up all over my hair."

"Which brings me to a question - why _your_ hair? Sally had red hair." Levi asked, putting his feet on the floor.

Ymir and Krista just gaped. This was the time Eren chose to reappear from the garage where he was dragged off to by Marco, who seemed to be a dance lover and made it his mission to dance with _everyone_. Levi was slightly scared he would be next and he had yet to come up with a way to bail on that disaster waiting to happen.

"Eren, " Ymir said as she turned to him and put one of her hands on his shoulder. He was breathing heavily, shining with sweat with the suspenders dropped from his shoulder, hanging loose at his sides. He looked at Ymir, nodding for her to continue.  "Levi is good with me. He knows _The Nightmare Before Christmas._ I approve." Ymir spoke in the most serious tone Levi has ever heard come from her.

Eren's eyes widened and when he looked at Levi, Levi had to blink couple of times because there was no way the stars and flowers around the younger man were real. He put his third bottle of beer away on the table next to him just in case.

"You know Jack and Sally?" Eren almost squealed.

"Of course I do. I have good taste so it speaks for itself."

"Who cares about that." Krista whined and Levi had an inkling feeling she was getting a little tipsy.

"Um, I dunno hun?" Ymir rested her head on Krista and looked down at her while Krista looked up with her eyes. "You should? Seeing as you're dressed as Sally?"

It was indeed the case. Krista was wearing what seemed to be a very top notch, self made Sally dress. The arrangement of the materials, from what Levi could recall from his memory and he had seen the movie countless of times, perfect and exactly like in the original. Her whole body was covered in light blue paint or makeup of some kind, and around her legs, arms and neck sewing lines have been drawn. Levi doubted it was actually a tattoo but it was no mere marker job. It was no surprise seeing she had a tattoo artist for a partner. Her lips were bright red and the only thing missing from completing the look was the earlier mentioned red hair.

Ymir was obviously dressed as Jack. She was wearing the trademark striped suit, the cat bowtie under her chin was big just like in the original, the sides almost reaching the end of her shoulders. She didn't have a mask but a makeup that characterized her into looking like a skeleton. Her whole face white, with big black spots around her eyes, her lips black as well with the sewing lines extending her "smile". Her hair was slicked back and also covered in white, only one loose strand escaped and hung on the side of her face. On her hand she had black gloves with skeleton imprints on the front.

"Yes, yes. Connie stole my wig, but who cares. We care about drinks. Drinks are more important!" Krista said excitedly as Ymir sighed.

"Drinks?" Eren and Levi asked in union.

"Yes, Krista has a request for Levi, she wa…"

"Rainbow drinks!" Krista almost interrupted Ymir while escaping from her embrace. "Come on, Levi! Make some for us? I so wanna drink one of your cocktails." Krista pleaded with her eyes, Ymir shook her head, Levi just started blankly while Eren shuckled.

Levi was still thinking how to answer to that when he noticed a tall, dark brown haired and freckled person approaching them. He needed not a moment more to come up with an answer and quickly stood up.

"Sure. Let's go see if you have what I need to make the rainbow."

Krista squealed and followed Levi.

"Good job, Eren. I approve."

"Shut it, Ymir. There's nothing to approve. You fucking know that."

"Woah! What's up with the sudden change of mood."

"Nothing."

 

* * *

 

"Now I kinda feel sorry for making you do this." Krista pouted as she handed Thomas his drink, something Levi said was called 901 blue.

"Stop it. You whined to get me to do this, at least don't whine after I agreed." Levi said, getting another glass to prepare a drink for a girl named Mina.

"But I wanted a drink for myself not to make you into a bartender."

Levi shook his head as Krista's pout deepened even if she was drinking her second rainbow drink as she called them.

"It's monkey see monkey do with you guys so of course others would like one as well." Levi said as he poured a dose of orange vodka. Soon enough he was done, with what seemed his last "client" and handed over the drink to the girl, who seemed to be dressed up as Frankenstein's monster's wife, her own black hair standing up while defying gravity's laws with white streaks on both sides.

Levi was about to turn to Krista, tell her they were even either way because she saved him from Marco's potential dancing invitation when something caught his eye near the entrance.

He looked as Eren, Sasha and Connie, greeted some late comer. When the new guest turned around from hanging his coat on the hanger and Levi saw his face, his hand that was reaching for his own drink he made, stopped mid way.

He didn't know why he was even surprised seeing him there. He should've know he would come. It was an obvious choice now that he thought about it. And now that he did ponder on it, a question dawned on Levi - what was he himself even doing there in the first place. Even the other man's choice of the costume left a sour taste in Levi's mouth.

Once more Levi started to doubt his choice to accept the invitation, and he was so caught in his thoughts, confusion and something more bitter he couldn't name, preoccupying his mind that he didn't even realize he had been caught staring. When he came to Berthold was looking back at him from a distance while talking to the trio that greeted him.

While trying to play it cool, Levi nodded his head in a greeting and looked away. He looked at Krista who was eyeing him with some confusion but he ignored it. After a moment Levi gave a chance to an another glance and saw as Bertholdt's arm wrapped around Eren, tugging him to his side as Eren laughter reached Levi's ears even from the distance. Levi scoffed at who knows what and proceed with a conversation with Krista like nothing happened. Because nothing did. At least that was what Levi was telling himself.

 

* * *

 

"Bert, I really like you even if we don't know each other too long, but I swear to god, let go of me or you'll regret it." Eren said when Sasha and Connie walked away.

"But I'm just hugging…"

"I'm not dumb. I saw that greeting. I know what you're doing. Don't."

"But I…"

"Don't think I won't go so far as take that uniform of your mutant tall body as a retaliation."

"B-b…"

"Bertholdt. I am starting to loose the mood for the stupid plays." Eren almost growled, his arm that was wrapped around Bertholdt's waist, a mean to keep steady, digging into his side with his fingers.

"Fine!" Bertholdt huffed out and let Eren go, massaging his side. He was sure if he lifted his blue uniform shirt he would see four red indents that matched Eren's fingernails. "I was just trying to help."

"Help is appreciated but not needed. At all." Eren looked at Bert, all dressed up in a nurse uniform that he got for him. Because that was their deal - Eren got him the uniform from one of his coworkers - which wasn't an easy feat seeing how tall Bert was, while Bert got him uniform pants from work.

Eren sighed as more of _something_ weighted inside him. He's been wondering this past week if going to this party even made any sense and now he could see that maybe it did not. He fooled himself into thinking he could do it but maybe he was wrong. Each moment was getting harder to pretend he was in the mood for all of this. Seeing Levi, the prospect of spending this time with him made it easier somewhat but not for long. Dancing with Marco was fun, kicking Jean's ass at Teken was satisfying too but those were instances of fun and the moment they ended he was back inside his head and it wasn't fun in there at the moment.

He had to have slipped because next thing he knew Bert was closer to him and looking concerned.

"What's wrong Eren?"

"Nothing's wrong! Just all of you piss off and mind your own business!" Eren was caught off guard otherwise he wouldn't have snapped back. "You, Ymir, Jean - all of you think you are so clever, throwing hints and thinking you are helping but... Just fucking stop!"

Bertholdt took a step back with surprise written all over his face. He stumbled a little, almost walking into the hanger behind him. He started stuttering, trying to react in some way but only single letters left his lips. And there was something in his face expression that Eren has not seen before. It was that that made Eren realize how harshly he just snapped.

It was the expression of fear on Bertholdt's face that caused Eren to look away in shame.

"I'm sorry, Bert. I didn't mean to snap at you. I... I just have a lot on my mind, I wouldn't even come to this party if it wasn't for…"

"Stop it, Eren. It's alright. You want to talk or…?"

"No. You know what?" Eren looked back up and at Bertholdt. "I need to blow off some steam. And I know just the way."

"Eren…" Bertholdt didn't get a chance to stop him from walking quickly in the direction of the dining room slash drinking bar. He sighed and thought that least he could do was somewhat keep an eye on him, seeing how he was the one that made Eren snap.

 

* * *

 

"Go! Go! Go! Go!"

Armin sighed as he eyed the small crowd chanting as Eren proceeded to chug (another) bottle of beer in one go.

"Call me a stiff, and maybe I'm old, (wait - I am), but is it just me or is Eren going wilder than usual?" Levi asked, standing next to him.

"No, it's not just you. I think… I think something's wrong and he's venting. I saw that there was something going on lately but he was doing good and all of a sudden he snapped like an hour ago."

"You want me to get his ass over?" Armin looked at Levi and smiled kindly, eve if the older man next to him did look threatening.

"Thanks for the offer, but a small advice - Eren doesn't react well to authority of any kind. Let's call it daddy issues."

"Oh, I don't need authority. I can just use brute force. What do you say?"

Armin chuckled but shook his head.

"I am used to keeping an eye on him, no worries. But points to you for noticing something's wrong."

"I may be a stiff but I can tell having fun from anger venting. I've done some myself."

"Let's leave him be for now. I'd offer to go dancing but…"

"Yeah, thanks but…" They eyed each other with understanding smiles.

 

* * *

 

"Come on, Bert! I wanna dance!"

"Alright, Eren. I'm going! Stop clinging to me! Weren't you the one who said to…"

"That was before. I cared. Now I don't. I want to fucking dance!"

Bert saw in the corner of his eye Levi lying back on a couch, Ymir, Krista and Armin were around on cushions and seats, all chatting but Bert still saw the older man stealing glances. He sadly let Eren drag him through the now wide open door that led to the garage slash dancing floor.

His earlier over the top display of affection was to tease Levi, it was true but what Eren was doing now was too much. Eren could say all he wanted, Bert still saw how irritated Levi was getting the more Eren clung to him. And the more the evening proceeded it wasn't just him. It was Armin he took tequila shots with, each licking the salt of the other's hand instead of their own. It was Thomas with whom he danced in ways that went beyond PG-13. It was true Thomas was on verge of being wasted but Eren still wasn't there, he knew what he was doing. Bertholdt just couldn't comprehend how this behavior was meant to help him vent. Before, he was saying all of them were wrong yet here he was anything but subtle, going on a verge of an almost slut behavior. Jean and Marco, who were equally drunk even indulged him in a sandwich dance of some sort.

It was all fun, New Year's party messing out but there was something wrong with Eren. He was smiling, laughing and drinking - true. But it had 'self destruct' written all over it and it seemed to Bert that even Levi was starting to notice it.

 

* * *

 

"The key is to pour it over quickly otherwise it won't work."

"Come on, you ca…."

"Come on, honey. You pestered Levi enough." Ymir said, tugging on her arm and making her leave her own cushion and sit in her lap.

"But rainbow shots…"

"Your girlfriend loves rainbow, doesn't she?" Levi chuckled as Krista pouted in Ymir's lap while Ymir shook her head.

"You have no idea." Levi nodded but eyed the two men in his peripheral vision. He hoped he was wrong in thinking that Bert noticed him looking. That's the last thing he wanted. Especially when he wasn't even sure what he was doing in the first place. He talked to Armin and it was obvious Eren was in some kind of off mood but it was obvious to Levi he was being taken care of. He was in the hands he was meant to be in, the hands Eren chose, so to speak.

"I'll see what I can do about it. _Later_." Levi threw nonchalantly as he took a sip of his beer, which one - he couldn't tell. He wasn't holding back himself either tonight. Moments later he was being reprimanded by Ymir for making Krista squeal so loud and right into her ear as well.

 

* * *

 

"Shoot. I need something to drink! That was wild Bert, I didn't know you could move like that."

Bertholdt cringed as Eren chugged down half of a beer bottle almost in one go. He indulged Eren in one dance after another on the hope of making him sweat off at least a portion of the alcohol he was consuming but he was drinking twice as much in matter of moments.

"I actually took some dance lessons couple of years back."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"No. Though it was not much of a choice. It was…" Bert trailed off, not sure himself why he was continuing with this particular topic.

"It was what?"

"They were more classical kind but still helped out a little. And it was… for my wedding, actually."

"WHAT?!" Eren screamed, making some heads turn in their direction.

"You don't have to yell, Eren."

"But… you're married?"

"No, I am not."

"Then?"

"It was just, this girl I…"

"Aren't you gay?"

"I am."

"Then wha…"

"Will you let me finish?!" Eren startled at Bertholdt's sudden raise of voice and only nodded in reply. "I was young, barely twenty. It was my parents. They tried to force it on me. I come from a very, very rich, high class background so they thought if I got married, they could, you know…"

"Force the gayness out of you?"

"You can say that."

"So, what made you stop the madness."

"I have this friend, best friend actually, neighboring families, just as rich, and well, she's as far as I am from a heteronormative picture our parents have in their heads. And well, I never cared much about myself, went along with what they expected of me my whole life, been very passive but when they...abused _her_ for being who she was in ways I rather forget, that was it for me. It made me snap out of it. So I packed, took her with me and we just ran, saying hell with it."

Eren, with a beer bottle stopped mid way to his lips just looked at Bertholdt. Bert felt his cheeks warm up as Eren just kept on looking.

"Shit, that was such a fucking bad moment to come out with that. But the alcohol, and you pressed and…. Eren what the hell?" Bert looked in shock down at Eren, who with no word of a warning put down the bottle and proceeded to hug Bertholdt around his waist. "Gosh, don't tell me you're a sappy drunk."

"I'm so, so, so sorry you had to go through that!"

"Alright, alright. It's old news. I am over it. I came out stronger after that." Bertholdt said, chuckling as he tried to pry Eren off of himself. When he looked up he almost cursed when he saw a familiar pair of gray eyes quickly looking away from them. At this point the things were heading somewhere completely different than he wanted. "Come on, let's go to the others, I think I saw them playing something,"

 If Bertholdt was hoping to keep Eren away from the alcohol for a little while his hopes died the moment he saw what they were playing. It was a simple card game, Go Fish, but it had to be an alcohol version of it of course and judging from the amount of cards on the small coffee table there had to be at least three card decks there. Bertholdt sighed as he strategically sat on the other side of the table, making the only place available for Eren to sit on the floor be right next to Levi. If Levi saw anything weird in his not too subtle gesture his face showed no signs of it.

 

* * *

 

Levi took another shot, his luck in cards nonexistent as always while eying Bertholdt and Armin that were sitting on the other side of the table. At this moment Armin was whispering something to Bertholdt while the taller man nodded in understanding. The gesture was friendly, normal. Bertholdt was chuckling now as Armin gently put his hand on his arm but it made Levi even more confused. Maybe his assumptions before were wrong? There had to be something he was missing because it made no sense to him - how Bertholdt treated others or how indifferent he was when Eren took those tequila shots with Armin. But Armin was Eren's best friend, even Levi knew that and he was socially disabled in so many ways. But what about Jean-Eren-Marco sandwich on the dance floor? No. Jean and Marco came in a set and Levi saw once already that they just had somewhat bigger boundaries when it came to personal space. But then there was that Thomas guy, with his hands all over Eren when they danced.

Levi groaned internally. He must be getting really old, not getting how the younger generation worked when it came to having fun. How could he judge what Eren did at a party, in what ways he defined fun when he himself wasn't any better back in the day. He just forgot how it works at things like these he told himself and all of it did not negate his earlier presumption. Or maybe they are….

"Levi, your turn to deal!"

Levi snapped back and looked at Ymir who was handing him the big pile of cards.

He nodded in reply and quickly started dealing the cards. He almost jumped in place when he felt a body slump on his arm. Levi nonchalantly, at least he hoped it looked that way, looked to his left and at Eren.

"Comfortable?"

"Very much. You suck at this by the way."

"I warned them as much but they still insisted."

"How many did you take already?" Eren said from his comfortable place of Levi's arm.

"Um, how many rounds have we played, Ymir?" Levi asked, eyeing as she ran her hands through Krista's hair who was currently napping with her head in Ymir's lap, hugging her red hair wig that she finally won back from Connie after some sort of drinking game.

"Um, 12, I think?"

"Then that means I took about two to five in each of of them."

"Damn, you don't even suck, you are beyond hope."

"Then it's good thing I can hold my liquor, unlike _some_ people, isn't it?" Levi looked straight at Eren who looked right back.

"Are you hinting at something?" Eren said without looking away.

"Yes." Levi said, his hand never stopping dealing of the cards.

"Which is?"

"That Krista is horrible when it comes to alcohol." Levi answered without blinking, feeling everyone around looking at him and Eren.

"I was thinking the same thing."

"Don't say."

"Guys, can we, um, can we play?"

"Yes." Eren and Levi answered in synch, still looking or more like glaring at this point after which they proceeded to play like nothing happened. Nobody said a word at the fact that afterwards Eren never moved back, his side almost flushed with Levi.

"Come on, Levi! You are b-...."

"LAST YEAR'S DANCE!!!"

To which everybody whined and then instantly scrambled off their seats.

"What the hell is going on?" Levi looked around and started to get up as well, dragging Eren's body along.

"Gosh, I was hoping they would finally forgo this stupid shit this year."

"Which is?" Levi asked, watching as everyone seemed to be pairing up for some reason.

"We have this thing - each year everyone gives three songs into a drawing pool, mostly they go from the most ridiculous you could think of - like Connie's _Gangnam Style_ last year or the last song you would play at any kind of party - remembering Krista's Titanic theme from halloween three years ago brings tears to my eyes - of laughter of course. So now, everyone who has a pair - meaning another person, or persons in plural, standing the closest to them _has_ to go dance. Let's hope it's something normal this time. I do not want another _Barbie Girl_ choreography by Springles."

"By who?" Levi said, dragging his feet behind Eren into the garage.

"Oh, Connie and Sasha. That's how we call them."

"Right."

"But if anything messed up comes up we can just slow dance or something."

Levi listened as he looked at others around him. Ymir and Krista were somewhat paired off, somewhat meaning Krista was standing on Ymir's feet, more or less dozing of; Mikasa was in a circle with Connie and Sasha; Thomas, Mina and a guy whose name Levi could not recall making a hugging sandwich. But the most entertaining picture was that of Armin and Bertholdt who seemed to have paired off. The difference between their heights the biggest amongst everyone. They still didn't seem to mind as Bert proceeded to spin a chuckling Armin even if the song hadn't started yet. Levi looked back at Eren when the meaning of his words hit him.

"We?"

"Yes. We were next to each other. That's the rule. Jean and Marco seemed to have gone outside so they are lucky, they don't have to participate."

"This is ridiculous."

"Like most things at our parties are. You can bail, I won't force you, you know."

"Like hell. I'm not that stiff."

Then the music started and everyone seemed to hold their breath, awaiting whatever doom was to come.

"I think you're lucky. It's a simple slow [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp-EO5I60KA) this year."

Levi cringed, thinking that maybe he preferred something outright ridiculous over this, especially when he looked around how other went to embrace in one form or another.

"We'll see about that." Levi mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing. Come here, brat."

"I didn't peg you for such a romantic."

"Put a sock in it." Levi mumbled, putting his hand on Eren's waist and bringing him a little closer. Eren smirked back and slowly lowered his own hand on Levi's shoulder. They both went to entwine each other's hand a little hesitantly but neither stopped to think that entwining each other's fingers wasn't all that necessary. It came naturally, their fingers fit together comfortably as Levi proceeded to sway them to the tune, bringing Eren a little bit closer, telling himself it was just a dance. He was going along with their silly idea. There was nothing to their slow sway or how Eren let his head fall on his shoulder as Levi's hand at Eren's waist proceeded to mindlessly play with the suspender at his hip.

Levi actually knew and liked the song that was playing so he closed his eyes and listened. The alcohol helped him relax and without realizing what he was doing he started singing along to the song, barely above a whisper.

 

" _Maybe just the touch of a hand..._ "

 

"... _making the same mistakes_

 _Hoping that you'll understand_ "

 

Halfway through the song, Levi smiled to himself when he heard Eren's voice answer and sing along as well.

 

" _I'm thinking out loud_

_But maybe we found love right where we are,_

_Oh, baby, we found love right where we are_

_And we found love right where we are..."_

 

When the music stopped, neither of them moved another inch. There was something in the air, and Levi struggled to take another breath. He could almost feel Eren's hand shake in his own, the fingers tightening their hold just a fraction, as if holding onto something that was about to slip through them, Levi's fingers on the verge of answering but not there just yet.

And Eren could feel that lack of gesture, the unmoving fingers, simple five digits frozen but managing to twist his heart in an agonizing way, painful and so, so cruel.

Once more he forgot himself, he let a moment get to him and let some silly hope bloom when he knew perfectly well there was none.

In an instant he let go of Levi's hand no matter how well it fit in his, how warm it was - to his own palm as well as to his aching heart. He put a good, appropriate distance between them and, once putting on a good, well trained mask on, he looked up, a nonchalant smile on his face and his voice strained just barely. He hoped the next song covered that up.

"Thanks for indulging me and my friends! Well, we have that over with. Now, I…I gotta go to the bathroom! I think all those beers finally caught up with me."

And just liked that he was gone while Levi's hand was still in mid air, his mind trying to catch up. He knew nothing, his mind was blank, he couldn't even say he was confused at this point because there was no information whatsoever in his head. He simply did not know what just happened. The only thing he was aware of was how cold his hand felt.

 

* * *

 

"I think we should stop." Armin said sadly.

"I'm sorry to say, but I think you're right Armin." Bertholdt said, looking as Eren escaped in the direction of a bathroom and how moments later, looking a bit disoriented, Levi followed him but heading to the living room.

"I don't want to see Eren so heartbroken anymore Bert, his eyes…"

"We thought we were doing the right thing, Armin. We all wanted them to…"

"You don't understand, Bert." Armin looked up, his eyes glazed with tears. "His eyes looked just the way they did back then. Just like he was after the accident. I'm scared we did something really bad."

 

* * *

 

 

"Eren, could you…" Armin said, laying his hand on his best friend's shoulder.

"Come on, Armin! I am having fun! You said you wanted me to let some steam off. So I am doing. Just. That." Eren slurred in answer, taking a shot with each word. "We can't let Levi's rainbow go to waste, right?"

Armin didn't say anything and let Eren proceed with his game with Jean and Bertholdt. After the dance incident, Armin told Bert to just enjoy himself. He was hesitant but listened and after new year's actually passed he relaxed enough to drink and have fun with others.

Armin had tried everything he could but Eren was an adult, he couldn't force him into doing anything or in this case - _not_ doing, which was getting wasted.

 

* * *

 

"Damn, you've done some fucked up shit." Jean slurs. They were currently playing "Never have I ever", the great idea by none other than Jean Kirschtein.

"Well, I'm not some scaredy cat like you, horse face." Eren looked smug even as he took another shot of one of the colorful drinks Levi made for them, who hadn't been able to escape once Krista woke up around 2 am and was back to being full of energy. The last drop of the liquid missed his lips and landed on his exposed chest. Eren couldn't recall at what point he lost his t-shirt but he was sure it was because of some stupid idea Jean came up with.

"Well, I bet you wouldn't do one thing!"

"Like hell, name it, I bet you I would!"

"Guys, please stop." Bert tries to interrupt because they kept getting louder and louder. "I do not like where this is going." He was there for the game, having fun like Armin told him to but another part was trying to keep an eye out on Eren.

"Then let me see you give the shorty a lap dance!"

"Of course I will." Eren halts then. "What?" He croaks, the smallest sober part making him backtrack.

"Ha! I knew you'd chicken." And then Jean's face makes even that last sane part of his brain turn off. He drinks the last four remaining shots they had on the table, one after another and gets up. Bertholdt whines as he hides his face in his hands

 

* * *

 

"I swear, Levi. They got banned from the zoo." Marco, another returnee after a nap taken, chuckled.

"But how?" Levi asked, shaking his head in disbelief. It didn't help much with how much he had to drink. He has been on the line of 'wasted' for over an hour but still held it together. Though his words did slur from time to time and he chuckled too often for his own comfort. Not that Marco's stories of things Jean and Eren could get up to helped.

"Well, there was this ostrich… Who turned the music back on?" Marco looked around, disoriented. It was nearing 4a.m. and most of the guest were out cold on the cushions, the couch or in Mikasa's case - in one of Connie's and Sasha's guest bedrooms upstairs, so they decided it was enough with the music.

"I dunno, it's probably the earlier mentioned idiot duo doing so…. Eren?" Levi look confused at Eren, who was now standing in front of him, caught a little off guard seeing the younger man's exposed torso. Last time Levi saw him he still had his black shirt on. It was gone now and the suspenders were back in place, covering his nipples in a way Levi hoped he hadn't noticed. Eren's cheeks were flushed and he was smirking in confidence.

Levi froze when Eren approached him and pushed on his shoulders, making him lean back in the chair he was sitting on.

"Sit back and enjoy, Levi." Eren leaned in and whispered into Levi's ear. Levi's brain short circuited the moment he felt Eren straddle his hips and started swaying his own to the sensual music playing at just the right volume. Levi barely registered other voices around them as the green eyes held his gaze.

Levi's breath quickened with each move of those hips, Eren's thighs grinding against Levi's, the hand Eren had on his shoulder to keep himself up tightening its hold, his movement only barely wobbly. It was an achievement when considered how much Eren had to drink.

Eren's swaying back and forth continued for another moment with the tune of the song but then he stood up, retreated his hand to lay it on his shoulder where he slowly slid down his right suspender and then the other. If the strain of the material he put against each of his nipples was accidental, Levi didn't know but he noticed it all the same. It made him tighten the hold he had on the sides of the chair. After the red material hung loose, with Eren's hips never stopping the side to side swaying with the music, Eren looked back at Levi. His smirk was still there, his eyes locked with the gray ones. They lost contact only for a moment when Eren turned around but he was quick to turn his head back at Levi.

When Eren licked his lips while quietly singing along, Levi's breath hitched and then it stopped completely at the first, barely-there grind of Eren's ass against his groin.

After regaining his breath, it came in quick intervals. Levi gritted his teeth, swallowing being almost too much to do. He closed his eyes, why, he didn't know but it made things so much worse. Or maybe that much better. Every feathery touch of Eren's body against his magnified and the urge to extend his hand that much harder to fight.

Then Eren's head landed on his shoulder and Levi's eyes snapped open. He looked to the side and it was another mistake on his part. Eren's eyes were closed in concentration, his body arched, his quiet deep voice singing along while his tongue licked over his lips ever so often. Then his body snapped back up to the change in the tune and Levi was back face to face with him. His gaze once more captured by the emerald, Eren's movement growing a little more erratic as if he was aiming for something.

Levi's blood boiled at the concept and then his whole body felt as if on fire when he felt Eren's hot breath on his ear once more.

"I want you to enjoy yourself so, so much. I really hope you had fun, Levi. I really... really…" 

Whatever Eren wanted to say, Levi wouldn't know.

He let out an _oof_ when about 80 or so kilos of a grown man landed on him. He didn't know what else he expected but it was all for the best.

"Can someone fucking help me get him off of me?!" Levi groaned, trying to push Eren's body off.

Moments later, with Bertholdt's and Marco's help, Eren's body was off of him and lying on the loveseat on his right.

Levi fixed his doctor's coat and rubbed his warm cheeks after getting up. He was hoping that others would take them as an effect of the sudden strain to get Eren off of himself and the smock covered up any other evidence.

He ran his hand through his hair and looked at Eren's body, feeling the others' gaze on himself.

Levi went through too much similar shit to not know what was the best way was to react to something like that. And that was to act like it was nothing. That way maybe he could start convincing himself of that as well. He sighed when he looked back at others. Armin and Bert looked concerned, Marco looked like he was something between worried and angry, throwing looks at his boyfriend, which didn't do much because he was almost as gone as Eren.

"Forget it, guys. He was wasted. I'll take him home."

Now the whole trio looked simply shocked while Jean slid off his seat and on the floor and started snoring.

"I'll call a cab and get him home. You have enough bodies to stash in this house as it is."

"You sure, it's okay? I can take him." Armin asked, looking at Eren's unconscious body with pity. A part of him hoped his friend would not remember anything tomorrow.

"I'm sure." Was what Levi said but he hadn't the slightest clue to what he was doing.

 

* * *

 

"I really, really li...."

"Yes, yes. I got it the other dozen times you said it, Eren. You like me. Right back at you but do shut up and at least _try_ to walk?" Levi groaned and fixed his hold on the other man's waist, tightening his other hand's hold on Eren's arm that was around Levi's neck. They were halfway up the stairs that led to Eren's apartment and even that took at least fifteen minutes to reach. Levi didn't want to think about the long steps that were still ahead of him.

"I am, Levi. See?" Eren looked down at his own feet and _attempted_ to reach the next step but kept on missing it over and over again. After about the fifth try he started chuckling in a way that made Levi want to strangle him just to shut him up. He kept telling himself he promised Armin he would get Eren safely back home so there was no way he could back out now.

Another deep breath, gathering of some inner strength and Levi proceeded to practically drag Eren with him. If Levi was drunk before, the moment that dance ended his mind cleared and now, after carrying Eren the whole way, Levi had almost completely sobered up.

"I just wanted you to have fun, Levi. I really did. I know you try to act like a grump." _Hiccup._ "But I know you, you're not like that. So I wanted you to have fun at the party," _Hiccup._ "Like lots and lot of fun so I…"

"I did, Eren. I had fun." Levi indulged the mumbling drunk though no one had to know he was being honest at the same time. "Believe me, I had so much it was almost _too_ much." Levi mumbled almost to himself.

"Really?!" Eren piped up, eyes shining with excitement.

"Yes. Don't stop half way you dimwit!" Levi growled, using all his strength to keep the hold on Eren's body, who stopped with his foot in air to look at Levi with sparkling eyes while starting to tilt back dangerously.

"Oh, right." Eren said nonchalantly and finished up that step like it was nothing while Levi just knew he would be sore the next day.

About ten minutes later, quicker than Levi would ever hope, they were inside Eren's apartment. He was out of breath and on Eren's couch, cringing when he heard another retching sound come from the hallway's bathroom.

Levi was actually very thankful that halfway through, Eren's leg caught the drift and moved quicker because the moment Levi opened the door, Eren was running through and heading to the bathroom. Levi didn't need to ask why the sudden hurry, especially when he heard Eren empty his stomach into the porcelain throne seconds later.

Another five minutes passed and when the time Levi stopped hearing any sounds coming through the slightly opened door continued, he got up. He walked to the door and pushed it open. Levi sighed, not knowing what else he expected. He kneeled down and grabbed Eren by his armpits.

"Come on up, Eren."

"Noooo." Eren mumbled and Levi looked away, the smell coming from his mouth very foul. He thanked the heavens Eren was conscious enough to actually flush the toilet. "Leave me aloooooone. The floorsssss nifffffe. It's cold."

"Yes, yes." Levi ignored his whining and tried harder to pull him up. It was harder this time around because Eren was anything but cooperating.

"No. You don't underftand, Lev. The floor's the perfect place for me. I d…"

"Would you shut it? I am trying to get your scrawny ass off here, cooperate."

Eren looked at Levi for a long moment and then without another word he just nodded. On wobbly legs, with lots of help from Levi, they managed to get him inside his bedroom. The moment Levi let him go, Eren stumbled on his bed, face first into the pillow. Levi was tempted to leave him just like that but feared the stupid drunk would suffocate.

Levi walked over to the side of the bed Eren was on and with some struggle turned him around. Of course the brunette was out cold. Levi eyed the log of a body in front of him and contemplated. All in all, when Levi was drunk, Eren took care of him so it was only fair he should pay back the favor. Though he did get undressed by himself while Eren….

Levi sighed and said hell with it. It was nothing. So he reached over and unclasped the suspenders from Eren's cargo pants. This way was easier than pulling his heavy arms through each one. Then he reached for the fly of his pants, hesitating over the button only for a moment.

This was nothing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_"No. Please."_

 

_"Stop. It's not my fault. Pl…."_

 

_"B-but it hurts…"_

 

_"NO!"_

 

_"No. Not…"_

 

"NO!" Eren yelled, sitting up suddenly, drenched in sweat and the tears he must have shed in his sleep drying on his cheeks.

He was breathing heavily, trying to make his lungs work but air stopped half way through. He heaved shallowly, frantically trying to untangle his legs from the covers, his body hot, burning red. He looked around, confused, the darkness around him making it impossible to tell where he was. He was on the verge of hyperventilating as panic grew inside him.

 

Where was he?

 

What was going on?

 

Eren grabbed his head, pulling on his hair while bringing his knees up to his face. He forced himself to breathe, he had to, there was no other way. Make the lungs work he told himself.

Breathe in.

And out.

In.

And out.

 

It took a long while, his breathing still quick but he consumed enough air to comprehend that he was in his own bedroom, his eyes used to the darkness caught the details around and provided him with an answer. He still had no idea why he was there, how he got home but he was in his own bed, that much he knew.

And then the visions of the dream swam in his head once more and he whimpered in pain. He bit his lip as a sob tried to escape and breathing became a problem again.

It was just a dream.

It wasn't real.

He wasn't hurting.

But he should be.

Eren's head snapped up. Something inside him clicked, a switch has been pressed when his mind, suddenly very clear, remembered every detail of the nightmare, every word and the harsh truth in everything that has been spoken.

And then rage filled him completely.

 

* * *

 

CRASH!

Levi groaned in his sleep and was about to turn over, cover his head with the pillow to muffle the sounds disturbing his slumber when he registered another sound and then another. And even with his mind in a haze he recognized them as something breaking.

He was out of the sofa he was occupying in an instant, ready to head to the door, certain someone was breaking into Eren's apartment when another crashing sound came and Levi realized it was coming from Eren's bedroom.

His blood ran cold, fear almost overwhelming for a moment but he was quick to snap out of it and rushed for the other room.

He slammed the bedroom door open, the wood protesting as it hit the walls and the hinges creaking dangerously. He was just about to rush inside the room, his mind only thinking of bringing help to Eren when he stopped, frozen on the threshold of the room. Levi did not know what he was expecting to see but it was anything other than what he found.

 

* * *

 

Eren saw red. Nothing else but the crimson filled his vision as he hit.

Over.

And over.

And over again.

His fist connected with the surface. Anything he could reach. His cries of rage growing fainter as his throat protested with each yell. The guttural sound leaving him was animalistic and filled with agony.

He kicked. He tore and threw anything his hands could grab a hold of.

He cared for nothing.

Only pain.

Pain was the only thing that could save him right now.

Pain was what he deserved.

 

* * *

 

Levi looked around the room, the faint street lamp outside barely giving any light but enough for the chaos that was inside to be visible.

There were feathers flying around, the thorn up pillow where they came from lying close to Levi's bare feet. The lamp from the right bedside table crashed on the floor, the glass shattered everywhere. The door to the closet wide open, one side hanging only on one of the hinges, squeaking as it flapped pathetically.

His mind could not comprehend what he was seeing, his eyes darting around frantically as his body was frozen in its spot. But a shrilling sound made him snap back and his eyes zoomed on the body that created the mayhem in the room.

Eren was yelling with rage, growling and screeching as he hit the wall in front of him. He hit it quickly, over and over again, not once stopping.

Levi rushed to turn on the light, hoping maybe the light would snap Eren out of it but it did no such thing. It made things much worse. It made Levi see so much more, so many more broken things around the room.

It made him notice the blood.

When Levi concentrated back on Eren it was at the moment the young man stopped his rampage.

And then Eren looked up and locked eyes with Levi.

Yet Levi knew those green orbs did not see him. Eren was gone, he was nowhere near Levi, his eyes empty. Levi was already running over, the dead look in Eren's finally snapping him back to reality but he wasn't quick enough and yet another crash followed.

Eren's fist connected with the mirror that hung on the wall almost like in slow motion in Levi's eyes but he still didn't manage to stop it.

The pieces fell around them as Levi grabbed Eren's hand, pulling it away while the younger man struggled, keen on hitting the wall behind the now empty frame.

"No!" Levi yelled, using every strength in his body to keep his grip on the other's arm.

"Let me go! I have to…" Eren growled back, pulling frantically.

"Stop it!" Levi snarled in desperation, ignoring the pain in his bare feet as he stepped on the pieces of the shattered glass.

"Please." Eren pleaded, his struggles growing fainter. "I need to do this. I d...I deserve this. P-please."

It broke Levi's heart hearing the desperation in Eren's voice while his body lost any fight it had left.

Levi pulled on Eren's arm one last time and met no resistance this time around. Eren's taller body followed his lead like a ragged doll and Levi wrapped his arms around the bare shoulders.

The sobs that broke out twisted Levi's heart in the most painful of ways. He gritted his teeth as his own eyes glazed over but disregarded it. He didn't care about anything but the man in his arms whose body convulsed with agonizing cries. Nothing mattered, not his own freezing body, not the tears soaking his shirt nor the blood he could feel coming from the heel of his foot.

"Please."

Levi tightened his hold on Eren, running a soothing hand up and down his back, rocking them together.

"Shhhhh." Levi hushed.

"Let me go, I need to…"

"No." Levi said quietly but with a stern voice, leaving no room for an argument.

"But I deserve this."

"No." Levi repeated.

He felt Eren look up so he looked at him as well.

"Levi, I de…."

"Eren." Levi put his hand on Eren's wet cheek, making sure that the eye contact was there. Not like before. He never wanted to see that blank look in Eren's eyes again.

"No, you do **not** deserve any of this." Levi said simply and embraced Eren once more. The cries continued, disturbed by occasional hiccups and the mantra of apologizes that Eren repeated when he caught enough breath to speak.

Levi soothed over all of ' _I'm sorry', 'I didn't mean to',_ and _'I deserve this'_ with a gentle touch and occasional _hush, hush_ whispered into Eren's ear as he walked them over to the bed, making sure they didn't step into any more glass.

Eren sobs grew fainter and fewer as Levi laid them down on the bed, never letting his hold slip. He rocked Eren, his hand running soothing circles in Eren's hair as Levi laid his chin on the brown curls. He didn't even try to think about what just happened. That could wait. The only thing that matter now was making sure Eren was okay.

After a while Levi tried to leave but Eren woke up from his light slumber instantly, looking around with panic. Only after convincing Eren he would be right back with first aid to care for his wounds Levi managed to unscramble from the hold the younger man had on him.

Levi took care of each wound and scratch he could see on Eren's body. Cleaned the scary amount of blood on Eren's knuckles and disinfected a cut over his left eyebrow. When he was finished with bandaging Eren's right hand, which was in the worst condition - bruised, cut and scratched raw, Levi realized Eren's breathing finally evened out.

Levi sighed as he put away last of the first aid kit on the bedside table and looked down at Eren. He was obviously finally asleep but even if Levi was afraid of trying to leave in case Eren would wake once more, there was no way for him to get up either way. Half of Eren's muscular body was on top of him, bare arms wrapped around his waist and if Levi was being honest he had no strength left in him to even try to push Eren off. So Levi simply scooted down on the pillow as Eren wriggled slightly and mumbled another apology in his sleep.

Levi smiled a sad smile, knowing that despite all other circumstances he just didn't _want_ to leave Eren alone tonight. He reached over for the bedding and covered both of them while he wrapped his arm around Eren once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. TW: Homophobia mention, Heteronormativity, Child Abuse Mention, Blood, Gore, Drastic Self-Ham;
> 
> Some spoilers for the story onward if you came here only for the TW  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .   
> .  
> 2\. Some reference links I wanted to share:  
> 
> 
>   * [Mikasa's costume last year](http://images.halloweencostumes.com/products/15427/1-1/adult-steampunk-lady-costume.jpg)
>   * [Mikasa's costume this year](http://p1.i.ntere.st/ce9c3716657c48e176dcf0b6c96c0c52_480.jpg) (I **really** want to credit the artist for giving me the inspiration, so if anyone knows the © I'd appreciate it)
>   * [Sasha's costume](http://images.halloweencostumes.com/products/29737/1-1/womens-dirty-work-gangster-costume.jpg)
>   * [Song link again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp-EO5I60KA) (the one Levi and Eren are dancing to)
>   * While the song they dance to was kinda important, to get into the mood and all, the thing that played while Eren gave the lap dance can be anything of your choosing, anything to set you into the mood, though after some research (yes, I googled "good lapdance songs") I listened to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKxuiw3iMBE) while writing the part 
>   * While I was thinking up this chapter's title and it came to me out of nowhere, as it usually does, after a moment I realised it was a title of a song I know very well, so of course I went and listened to it and the lyrics kinda fit how I felt writing this whole thing, so if you don't know [Shatter Me With Hope](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Pu-z0DwbWo) by HIM go listen, maybe you'll even like it ^_^
>   * (Damn, I would never think I'd give so many song refs in my fic, it was never a thing for me hehe)
> 



	22. Where Our Demons Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has skeletons in their closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be lots of notes so hang on :D Some are really important so please read everything.  
>  **One:** **Trigger Warnings** in the **End Notes** ; Again, I do not want to spoil this chapter by adding new and obvious tags so the warnings are listed in the **End Notes** ;  
>  **Two:** There's no reason behind my break other than lack of time; I needed a break from writing a bit as well and I think it did me well, or at least I hope; I'll be honest - I think this is one of my better chapters quality wise, I took a lot of time going through it; I know there are still mistakes that I missed so don't be scared to point them out to me - I  **will** appreciate it. Which brings us to note number...  
>  **Three:** Beta needed! Yes, I am still looking for one, so any kind soul that is willing to help out a little with this, please write to me here or on my [tumblr](http://heartmadefvllmetal.tumblr.com/).  
>  **Four:** There is also a very important **last note** in the  **End Notes** that I didn't want to include in the beginning. Why? You'll know why when you read it, most preferably after reading the chapter. But it's just my opinion so you can go and read them now if you want, of course :)

Eren kept looking around, seeing but not really comprehending. His brain was in a standby mode and refused to reset. The restart was impossible. It was aching too much to function. But it was his whole body that was screaming in agony; every bone, the smallest muscle, the tiniest fiber in his being was hurting.

The pain he caused himself wasn't his sole problem. Yes, to some extent he registered all the injuries he was responsible for, injuries that were all too familiar. The cuts and scratches that were screaming "welcome back". Welcome back to the starting point. He was back to where he was at, all those years ago – all years' worth of effort gone in one fit of anger, one episode of rage and destruction. He had stood on the line to a complete breakdown time and time again and now he has crossed it.

He was in pain. Plain and simple. He was sore, his muscles were on fire from exertion, weakened by the lack of vitamins and electrolytes he thoroughly washed away with all the alcohol he consumed last night. A headache couldn't even begin to describe what he was feeling. Somebody was splitting his skull in two, he was certain of it.

But there was something much worse than all the pain he was currently feeling. Mental and physical alike.

It was regret.

So much of it, Eren felt it would consume him; his ache, his whole being in one swift motion if he let his guard down. But maybe that would've been better? If he just up and disappeared? Because, as much as he would like not to, he remembered everything about of last night. Every detail etched into his memory.

Oh, how much he wanted to turn back the time. Go back and do things over, make everything turn out different.

Did he regret drinking so much that he was now living through the worst hangover of his entire life? Yes.

Did he regret crossing so many "physical" boundaries with Thomas, Jean, Marco or Bert? Yes. Some things he did could've been skipped, New Year's party or not it wasn't like him to act this way.

He couldn't even begin to breach the topic of his oh-so-mature idea to listen and give into Jean's antics. He feared the consequences of that particular mistake gravely.

And did he regret his attack, trashing his bedroom and hurting himself all over? Of course, he did. No matter how good it felt at the moment, to let all that anger and rage out, there always came the regret. The hate came; hate he focused on himself, so much of it that he wanted to scream with fury. And the circle completed, the never ending cycle of one wrong after another.

He knew what he was doing had a name, he knew all too well. While others turned to razors or knives, he turned on his anger and let it consume him. It never ended. There were only periods of good in between the bad. Eren was starting to realize that he most probably fooled himself into thinking that he was okay now, that those small, tiny anger outbursts in between were slip-ups that could be overlooked. Oh, how wrong he was, he could see it now.

He could see all the consequences that awaited him but even they weren't that terrible in the face of another regret that laid bitter on his tongue.

It was the regret of tasting Levi's touch, his embrace, his soothing gestures, his caring hand in his hair, those lean but oh so strong arms wrapped securely around him that made him feel just so safe. He hadn't felt such enormous and warm security fill him since he was a child and tucked away in the safety of his mother's arms. The moment Eren felt those limbs embrace him, he knew he would be okay. He still had felt ache caused by the nightmare's vision, the need to apologize strong but being in Levi's arm gave him hope that maybe his apologies would reach their target.

Eren felt safe and untouchable at that moment. Levi was the wall between him and the whole world. Strong. Unbreachable.

And yet very gentle. So kind and soft. And that one moment when he felt Levi trying to leave his side, Eren panicked automatically. He felt so foolish for his initial reaction but it was beyond his power. His anchor to sanity was being taken away at that moment. So Eren did the single thing his mind, hazy with pain and anguish, allowed him to do – he reached out for the comfort that made things much more bearable.

And comfort he had gotten. He got things that were possible only inside his dreams. He got a gentle touch, an aid to his wounds, those visible and those known to him.

And now this treatment had been taken away when he woke to an empty bed. It felt like his wound had been bone deep and somebody has tried to treat it with a simple band-aid. And even that was being harshly ripped off of his raw, gashing wound.

How was he supposed to go on once he's tasted such pleasure, the joy of feeling safe once more? How was he to function with the memory of that touch, of that comfort and knowing all the same that it was a one-time thing. A single night that would not repeat. He felt like cinderella – the midnight had struck, both of his slippers have shattered into million pieces, nothing for the prince left to find. All that was in store for him was the cold mantelpiece and the bitter aftertaste of ash.

That was the biggest regret of last night, so bittersweet, so difficult to swallow and digest – catching that tiniest glimpse of what it would be like to have Levi and to belong to him all the same, the sight of what "could be" if fate wasn't so cruel. Eren got the taste and he just did not know if he was capable of living without it anymore; if he was able to have it within his reach and not try grasping it.

It left Eren so empty, so cold inside, that not even the memory of Levi's touch on his skin could make things better.

Oh, how Eren wished he never knew this. He did not agree in the slightest with people who said it was better to have done something and regret it than regret not taking a chance. He would take the regret of "what if" over what he was feeling right now any day. Anything was better than this.

Even reminiscing his disaster of a lap dance he gave to Levi paled compared to this. Though that topic was a whole other ordeal he had no idea how to handle, the shame of his actions he could handle.

This was harder. On the verge of impossible to bear. The reality of how right it felt being in Levi's arm was cruel. The reality of how it was not meant to be was just as awful.

And now Eren had to endure it. Had to get up, take some heavy painkillers and somehow go on living with...or more like _without_ it. Without the first man, he had truly and completely fallen in love with.

Eren pulled up his knees, the bedding slipping off his legs as he wrapped his arms around them. Closing in on himself, trying to make his presence as small as possible. He put his chin on his knees and started on, trying to ignore the stars swimming before his eyes, caused by a massive headache that was tormenting him.

He did not want to move an inch but the pain was gaining in its strength and there was so much he could handle right now. Plus he didn't need to look around to be aware of the mess that waited to be cleaned up, how many shattered pieces were to be picked up. In more ways than one.

After a couple of long sighs, followed by few groans and whimpers, he managed to turn to his right and throw his legs over the side of the bed after which, he stopped.

Eren stared at the glass full of water and couple of pills set on his bedside table as warmth filled him from inside. No matter how much he told himself not to react this way, it was still beyond him. A sad little smile crept up on his face as he reached over, took two pills and chugged down that whole glass of water like a parched man in a desert. He didn't even realize how thirsty he was until that moment. There was just so many off things his brain could register all at once and thirst was the last of his problems.

When he stood up, his legs were heavy, led like as he wobbled on them and looked around. Then another pleasant feeling hit him. 

Of course, Levi went as far as cleaning up the room as well. And of course, Eren slept through the whole thing. If there ever came a person that called Levi mean or unpleasant, they had another thing coming. So far he was anything but mean to Eren. But then again, cleaning up the room might have just something to do with Levi being a neat freak. No matter the reason, there was no doubt Levi took care of the whole disarray Eren made of his bedroom last night.

The right bedside table was empty, the remaining pieces of the nightlight gone. The shattered glass that was scattered around before were now missing, cleaned up thoroughly, not even the smallest one glimmering in the faint light of the morning sun. Or more like afternoon, because if the clock, that by some miracle wasn't broken, was telling the truth, then it was 27 past 12p.m. The sole evidence of what had taken place last night was a big black garbage bag set in the corner of the room and some few pillow feathers still lingering around.

Eren turned around in his spot, looking at his bedroom, feeling as inside he became more and more hollow. What has he done? He looked down at his bandaged hands, cringing in pain when he tried to move the right one. He looked up, meaning to look at his reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall but was met with nothing but a blank space. He then remembered smashing his fist right through it, just before Levi came in and stopped him from surging again. All that remained was a lighter rectangular space, no mirror, not even an empty frame there anymore.

Though there was another thing in that particular spot on the wall. Eren looked at in disgust and the faintest whine escaped his lips when he realized that Levi must've seen it too when cleaning up. There was no way he would miss the old, darkened blood stains that contrasted with the wall's light paint.

Eren quickly looked away, his chest tightening as breathing became difficult once again.

Eren pulled his heavy legs at slug's pace and moved not much faster as he cringed from the cold but disregarded putting any pants over his boxers; he didn't have the strength for it. It took less effort to ignore the cold than it did to get dressed. And he would be back in the comfort of his bed soon enough, all he had to do was call his mother and ask her, or more like beg, if Titan could stay over for another day. Eren just knew he wasn't in a state to take care of another live being today. Hell, he hadn't the clue how he will manage to take care of himself today. Though it's not like he needed much at the moment, all he'd have to do is sleep through today, had a bathroom in his bedroom if needed and if he was desperate for something to eat there was hope he would manage to order something.

If he found his phone first, of course.

He vaguely remembered having it in his jacket's pocket which he recalled throwing on the hallway's floor right before he dashed for the bathroom to throw up. Maybe there was hope that Levi hung it up.

He went, and there was his jacket, hung up on the hanger but after a quick inspection, it was easy to tell that its pockets were empty. Defeated by the idea of the inevitable search ahead of him, Eren decided to search the kitchen, because it was the closest room. But the moment he stood on the threshold of the kitchen he froze.

Eren was surprised how out of it he was if he's failed to notice the noises coming out of the kitchen when passing it earlier. They weren't the loudest in their nature but still inevitable when someone was busy preparing a meal. 

Because that's what Levi was doing at the moment. His back was to Eren as he stood at the stove, preparing something between breakfast and lunch, considering the time. Another surprise besides the simple fact that Levi was even there, was the apron he had wrapped around. Eren did not even try to ponder how he found it.

After the first seconds of initial shock, something between a squeal and a groan left Eren's mouth. Whatever it was, was far from sounding human and that was what startled Levi.

Levi turned around and Eren met his eyes, his mouth doing a perfect impersonation of a fish. Eren opened and closed it rapidly but no sound came out. Not that Eren was even sure what he wanted to say once his voice came back. The last thing he expected was for Levi to stick around. His naive mind wasn't even _that_ hopeful.

Levi saved him from further humiliation and broke the silence with a very cheeky "Good morning". Like it wasn't obvious enough that Eren's morning was anything but "good".

But the greeting nudged Eren's talking abilities. Somewhat.

"Wha.. I me.. You..."

"Yes, yes. Now that we understand each other, go put something on. It's fucking chilly here and after so much stress it will be too easy for you to catch a bug parading in your undies. The eggs will be done just when you'll get back."

Eren's mouth stopped at the phase of being open wide. Then he comprehended what Levi said to him, quickly looked down at himself as his face exploded with heat. He was indeed only in his blue boxer briefs and the black wife beater from last night.

He didn't even dare to look back at Levi and sprinted back to his bedroom. After dashing inside, Eren almost slammed the door shut behind and leaned on it with a thud, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in. For some unknown reason, he could feel the first signs of a panic attack coming.

This was insane!

Levi was supposed to be gone! He could (or at least Eren figures he'd be able to) deal with this whole mess if left alone long enough. With Levi there? Not so much.

It didn't mean Eren wasn't touched by the fact that Levi stayed. And he was even making them breakfast! Eren's heart was swelling to its capacity. The tumbles of emotions inside were making his hands shake and his breath to become shallow. Of all the reasons to have a panic attack, this was the silliest one in his entire life.

"Unless you want your food cold – move it!" Eren heard from behind the door all of a sudden. But it was what Eren just needed to get it together before he lost it entirely. He jumped in his spot and managed a faint "coming" to leave his mouth. After that, he managed to find some sweats, foregoing trying to look for another t-shirt in his haste. The wife beater was just a little smelly but the last thing he wanted to do was make Levi wait.

He entered the kitchen from the hallway entrance as quiet as possible and found Levi already at the dining room's table, sipping from the big black cup. Eren's throat contracted a little upon realizing that it was the same cup he used before on multiple occasions while over. Eren didn't know if it was just a coincidence or if Levi picked that specific cup on purpose. Whatever the reason, Eren wouldn't be able to think of it any other way than as "Levi's cup".

Eren tried to slow down his breathing as he sat at the table, his seat opposite of Levi's because that was where Levi set the second plate. Eren grumbled a faint thank you and reached for a piece of toast, deciding it was best to be cautious with what he ate, his stomach still doing random flips. But then again it could be not just because of last night's drinking. The toast tasted dry in his mouth, so with a shaking hand, Eren reached over for his cup.

After finishing his toast, Eren dared to look up in Levi's direction to be surprised how laid back Levi was as he drank his coffee, eating last of his sandwich as he scrolled through something on his cell phone.

It caught Eren so off guard that the single thing he was capable of doing was to look back down and proceed with lunch. He was careful with what he ate, his portions were small and he chewed thoroughly. After playing with his scrambled eggs for about fifteen minutes, deciding he had enough and it was best to let his stomach digest that much for now, Eren just knew he had to break the heavy silence.

He looked up, took a big sip of his tea one last time and tried to speak, tried to say and explain everything to Levi even if he still had no idea what he actually wanted to say.

"Le…"

"Don't." Levi remarked in a sharp tone and Eren's blood froze. He choked on air and his heart felt a painful pang wLevi looked up, his expression blank.

It was happening, Levi was going to tell him he was done with him and all his drama, and while the more logical side of Eren's brain was telling him it could be for the best, that it could be the solution that would save him from further pain, his heart still tore when faced with the blank look in Levi's eyes.

"You don't owe me shit. You don't _have_ to do anything so don't you dare explain yourself to me because you think I _deserve_ to hear it. I don't _have_ to know.

I _will_ listen, but only if you decide you _want_ to tell me, Eren. Not because you must or have to because you will _choose_ to do so."

Eren throat tightened once again but it was because of a whole another reason now and his vision became blurry with tears that surprised Eren. He blinked them away as he watched Levi get up, walk to the kitchen, pour himself another cup of coffee and then come back to the table like nothing.

Levi looked at Eren, his face still unreadable but softer this time. Like he was waiting for Eren to make a choice between two options and it didn't matter at all which one Eren would choose in the end.

And Eren realized that it didn't.

That the man before him would accept anything Eren presented him with. If Eren asked Levi to forget about last night or if he told him the whole truth about his past, it wouldn't change anything. Eren saw in those gray eyes that he would be met with acceptance no matter his choice and that knowledge warmed up his whole being.

"Thank you." Eren barely murmured. And it was enough because Levi simply nodded, the tiniest tug up on his lips and proceeded to drink his coffee.

"I...I want to tell you but…" Levi put away his coffee after a thought and gave Eren his full attention. "I don't know where I should start. It's…. _I_ am all over the place."

"Start wherever and we'll go from there. Just let it out, say anything that is too much and is weighing you down."

Eren murmured his agreement, and because looking at Levi this whole time would destroy him, he looked away and started to fidget with his fingers.

"I...I am the reason my mom almost died when Kiri was born."

It was the very first time he had spoken those word out loud and it felt like the whole venom and burden of them left him the moment the last syllable rolled off his tongue. With trembling hands and so much fear inside, he looked back up at Levi. But the older man's face was stoic as ever, telling him to go on.

"When my mother got pregnant with Kiri she was already forty-two; you can guess my parents did not plan it. She was on bed rest almost since the beginning and was not too ecstatic about it. But, for the sake of the baby, she did everything doctors told her to. We did all the checkups possible, made sure she had the best care in the world and hearing Kiri was healthy was the best news on the planet. But my mom's body still took it very badly.

It was barely past her eight month along that I was…" Eren voice faltered but he took a deep breath and tried his hardest to go on. "I had that accident. The news shook my mom so bad she went into an early labor."

Eren heard as Levi unexpectedly sat up.

"And that's why you think it's your fault?!" It slipped past Levi. "You had an _accident!_ It…"

"But it was! I-I was driving too fast that night b…" Eren halted and looked away. "But let me finish, please." He took Levi's silence as an agreement and continued. "While I was being operated on, my mom gave birth to Kiri, it had to be a c-section, she lost a lot of blood, Kiri was premature but they both pulled through, thank heavens they did."

"So why…"

"Because I saw my mother's medical mail!" Eren sprung up from his seat. "She's been having problems ever since! It took her such a long time to get back on her feet, but I had no idea it was this bad!"

"Eren, wha…"

"To get the gist of it – she might have her uterus removed due to a long-term complication of that birth!"

"Eren, you have no idea if that premature birth was the reason, and even if that is so – you had a fucking accident which caused another horrific one, you cannot blame…"

"But I fucking can! Because I was the one…. I am the reason for all of this and now my mother's sick because of me, she's suffering again because of me a-and...and she wouldn't even tell me… I _am_ to blame for all of this. _That_ is why I trashed my room yesterday! That is the only way I know how to cope! Because among everything else, I also have anger issues. I hurt myself in fits of rage. But you must already know, you saw that wall in my room! The place where I fucking punch my fist until it bleeds. I keep it hidden behind a fucking mirror. Oh, the irony of it, don't you think? I hide it so others won't see but so I won't have to either, and yet when I look there, what happens? I see my miserable reflection! Ha! I am pathetic! Such a fucking disaster!" Eren slowly looked back at the other man, this whole time pacing around, anger preventing him from keeping still. And seeing those eyes filled not with pity but with honest care broke Eren to pieces. "B-but I… I-I didn't mean to… My mom… She's...s-she's everything to me and yet…" Eren felt his whole body start to tremble, his hands shaking even more than before as his breath quickened. "I am scared, Levi." Eren barely whispered. "And I am so sorry that…." And then instantly he was engulfed in that familiar warmth as Levi wrapped his arms around him.

How was Levi all of a sudden taller than him?

And then Eren realized his knees started to buckle when Levi ran to him and caught him before falling.

Without a second thought, Eren's arms reached around and held on to Levi for the dear of life. His fists got a hold of Levi's shirt in a tight grip as he cried with no sound escaping his lips; no noise, not a single whimper as tears flowed down.

He was so sorry, he wanted to apologize over and over again but his strength left him. He could not speak and now he could not even stand. Levi was also unable to keep him up and they slowly slid down to the floor, never breaking the hold.

Eren had no clue how long he wept or for how long Levi held him after he has stopped. Levi's hold never wavered, even when he started to rub soothing circles on Eren's back. Neither of them spoke a single word but that was okay. Eren felt that Levi's warmth was enough, his touch was calming in ways no words ever could be. Deep inside he felt it was wrong to let this happen, to accept the comfort of Levi's embrace but he crumbled inside while saying the truth out loud for the first time. Eren's walls had been lowered and Levi had no idea he had done that with no effort at all.

So Eren held on, breathing slower and unconsciously taking in Levi's smell, hoping it would sink into his own clothes for later comfort. Eren felt safe again, once more in Levi's arms, something he was certain he wouldn't have so quickly, if ever again. And this time around Eren let it be, he accepted his friend's comfort, even if it broke his heart – that that's what this was – a friend's _comfort_. It had to be enough because Eren just could not imagine his life without even that little; Levi entered his life and he was there to stay if Eren had something to say about it.

Being Levi's friend just would have to do.

Today marked the day Eren opened up to him in ways he did not plan but it was okay. That's what friends did, they got closer, told each other more secrets with time, became more comfortable around each other and if given the chance – they were there to stay. Eren hoped with everything he was that Levi would be one of those friends that stayed.

But today was also another day, Eren has decided.

From today on, he would try to move on, he would try to get over his feelings for Levi no matter how long it took. Because that was the only way he could bear to be around Levi. The lingering affection inside him just had to go, seeing that if it didn't, having Levi around would be impossible.

When he felt he was ready to pull away, Eren did so with much reluctance, looking up with no small amount of embarrassment. He gazed at Levi and quickly looked away, his face warm and more certainly decorated with some major blush. Eren was lost what he should do next.

This was a first for him. Of course, he broke down before but he dared to do that in front of his closest friends, there was no space for awkwardness between _them_. Levi was close, but still someone new, something of an unknown and Eren didn't know how to deal with that, he wasn't quick to trust others, so the fact that he let his vulnerable side show said a lot.

What he had done must've been entertaining because Eren was sure he heard Levi's quiet chuckle. Eren wanted to look up and check but he was still a little too scared for that. When he felt a gentle touch on his upper arm he dared to look.

Levi's face wore a kind smile but with a touch of sadness behind the eyes. When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper.

"Let's get up and go to the living room, sit on the couch like normal people. What do you say?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

Levi listened to things Eren said, dread overcoming him with each word the young, green-eyed man spoke. Things like "anger issues", "hurt myself", "bleed", "pathetic" were thorns in Levi's heart, each one hitting deeper and stronger into his very core. It hurt to look at Eren, anger and fury blended with torment and vulnerability on his features. Agony and outrage were too much for Eren's body, making his hands shake as he violently gestured, making his lip quiver and his voice break again and again.

Levi didn't want to hear what Eren would say next, yet he felt it was crucial that he did. Levi was in pain hearing Eren say those horrible things so he could only imagine how much worse it was for Eren. Levi wanted to make it all stop, make the torment in Eren's eyes disappear by any means necessary. Levi had no clue how he could even begin to help Eren but he knew he wanted to, _needed_ to help him.

There was no point in denying that the man before Levi became a very important part of Levi's life. Levi _cared_ for him, he wanted to help him, he wanted to protect him, take away his anguish, take it upon himself if that was possible. Anything, as long he's able to see that radiant smile upon Eren's beautiful face once again. _Anything_ to protect the amazing soul that was Eren Jaeger, the man that restarted his heart. The man that made Levi care once again; about his life, about his friends, his job but most of all, Eren made Levi care about _Eren._

When Eren looked back at him, Levi had this sudden urge to put his palms on that anger filled face, smooth out those deep lines that seemed so out of place on Eren's face. But that rage was gone next moment, taken over by raw vulnerability and Levi's need to protect the man before him spiked. It tore something inside him to hear Eren's voice so weak, his words broken and nothing but a whisper.

"B-but I… I-I didn't mean to… My mom… She's...s-she's everything to me and yet…" Levi's eyes caught Eren's hands; those strong tanned hands shaking like a leaf on a windy day. And then that whole, lean body followed, trembling as Eren's breathing quickened.

Eren was taller and most possibly stronger than Levi so this picture of a broken man before him cut through Levi's core. "I am scared, Levi." Eren whispered and Levi was caught off guard hearing those words from Eren. Levi wasn't prepared for this. Eren was full of life, all smiles, and hyper energy. Everything about this situation was wrong. This wasn't supposed to be happening to his ray of sunshine. "And I am so sorry that…."

And then, out of the blue, Levi's body was moving by itself. In seconds he crossed the short distance between him and Eren, wrapping Eren in his arms with desperation. Levi thanked his fast reflexes that helped him react in time to keep Eren from tumbling down onto the hard floor.

When Eren's hands grasped his back, Levi felt all the desperation in that hold. He knew in that moment he was Eren's sole anchor, the last thing keeping him from crumbling down in so many ways. And when Levi felt his shirt become damp, he knew. There was no sound, not a shake to Eren's body as his grip tightened on Levi's back but it was okay, Levi held on. His desperation was equal to Eren's – he refused to let the man in his arms go. Even when Levi felt Eren's weight become too much for him to keep them standing, not for a second did Levi think to let go. He allowed them to descend to the floor.

And he kept his hold. Time ceased to flow, nothing mattered, everything was irrelevant but that one warm body in Levi's arms. Eren's tears soaking into his shirt, his large fists never breaking their hold on Levi's back, his large frame glued to Levi's, fitting there with a frightening perfection as Levi's hand soothed Eren's back in gentle caress which was the only thing Levi could think of to help the man next to him. Nothing else mattered in that moment. No words were needed.

Time passed and by his drying t-shirt, Levi knew Eren's tears stopped at last. Neither of them let go. Eren's breathing became calmer and while his hold on Levi loosened, it didn't drop and Levi was glad. He wanted to keep Eren in his arms, keep him safe, give shelter the younger man needed so much. Levi didn't want to see Eren so broken again. The memory of Eren shattering right in front of him made Levi so angry he wanted to fight the whole world as long as it made Eren's pain go away. Levi wanted to wipe away Eren's tears, bring back the smile to his face, soothe out the pain from his body, Levi wanted…

His mind halted immediately.

Levi hoped Eren didn't feel the sudden shock that went through Levi's body. If not for his strong self-control, Levi was sure he now would be the one with quickened breathing.

And then his thoughts ceased when he felt Eren stir in his arms. Anything that could've gone through Levi's mind was stopped when Levi saw Eren glance up and then quickly look away, his cheeks beet red. In that moment one single thing, one solitary word filled Levi's mind.

_Adorable!_

Levi bit his lip but a faint chuckle escaped him before he could stop. He wanted to see those cheeks painted with red again, those bright green eyes looking at him with reluctance and shyness behind them; that bashful bite on the lip. He wanted to soak in the picture of embarrassed Eren but the other just refused to look back at him.

And then he realized how scared Eren must be, how much those problems weighed on him and yet he decided to share them with Levi. Levi knew how it was to have skeletons in your own closet all too well, so sharing them with others was no easy feat. It took a great deal of courage and maybe a tad of desperation. Levi sighed and decided to help out a little. He reached and gently grabbed Eren's arm, hoping this would make the brunet look back at him.

"Let's get up and go to the living room, sit on the couch like normal people. What do you say?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Are you feeling better?" Levi asked, sitting back down next to Eren on the couch. After making Eren go to the living room, Levi went to clean up after their meal and made them both some tea. He figured it would help Eren to calm down.

Eren nodded in response and kept his stare glued to the cup in his hands. From what Levi could see, Eren was doing better already. Though it was almost as if he was a little out of it, his mind somewhere else. Levi couldn't have that. He felt if he let Eren be in this state, he would pull away from Levi again and Levi didn't even want to think of that possibility. So before he knew it, Levi didn't know why words started to spill from his mouth all on their own.

"I grew up in an orphanage. I was a foster child until late teens. My mother abandoned me in a hospital when I was a couple of days old."

Eren mouth opened as he looked at Levi, eyebrows raised high.

"L-levi?" Eren croaked, his grip on the cup almost slipping.

"I was, what you would say, a problem child. And…"

"What are you doing?" Eren interrupted Levi, sliding back on the couch to have a better look at him. "Are you saying this because…"

"No. And yes. I'm saying this because I _want_ to. And I want to because you shared a part of yourself. I just want you to know about my past. It might make no sense at all but it's my choice. If you want to hear it of course."

"Of course I do!" Eren announced in a loud tone and felt he might've sounded a bit too excited. "I mean… I'll hear you out."

"No worries, I know what you meant. So if you can recall, back when we first met and family was mentioned and birthday – this is the reason why I wasn't too keen on talking about it. That is why I don't like my birthday. I lived the majority of my life just figuring that no one was happy that I was born so why the hell should I celebrate that."

"But that's not…!"

"I know, Eren. Now, I know all that shit about friends and all. I still don't like it too much. Not that I have any say with the friends that I have." Eren chuckled. "Well, I was rebellious, I – Hey! Stop giving me that look, brat! I was a teenager! _Anyway,_ again, I was mean, I was always angry back then – one more look like that and I swear I am stopping – I was _more_ angry back then. When I was a child no one wanted a kid like me because I was small and a little weak in the health department. When I grew up no one wanted me because of my angry face and bad attitude, and I was _still_ small. I just figured _everyone_ was the enemy and didn't give any  fucks about anything at all.

But then I met two of my friends. They came to the foster home because their pseudo foster parents finally got busted for the abuse they put them and other five kids through. I, Farlan and Isabel were all at the same age of fifteen. They didn't like rules just like me so you can guess we got along quickly.

We were into some bad shit; alcohol, sometimes even drugs. As we got older that "sometimes" became "often". To this day I wonder how much luck we had not to get three strikes.

But then something happened – a family out of their mind decided they wanted to adopt a teenager. Their son has left to study abroad, they had a huge house and thought they could a help a poor soul out. You have no idea in how much shock I was when they decided to take _me_ in.

But I refused to go. I didn't want to have anything to do with their perfect little life and wasn't going to abandon Farlan and Isabel – by that point, we were very close.

But of course, they talked me into it. Saying how awesome it would be to have a house, an actual comfortable bed to sleep on and a room to myself. I told them I'd be out of that house by the end of the week but they insisted. And you can only imagine my surprise when, no matter what shit I pulled, how many detentions I got at the new school, those two kept me. They were calm but firm about punishments for my wrong doings. But never did they threaten me with going back to the foster home. They said I was there to stay no matter what.

Even when I brought my first guy over and they caught me on the couch making out, you know what they did? Of course, they were mad about me bringing a stranger over, but all they said is that they thought I should not rush into sex at the age of sixteen. That, in their opinion, was a little too early, but if I did decide to do it, they hoped I'd be safe and gave me fucking condoms! They even told me I should bring that guy over next time to let them meet him officially! I didn't even know his name!"

Levi startled when he felt a hand on top of his own and looked down in confusion. His pale hands were trembling, something he didn't even notice, while Eren's darker one, run soothing circles on it. Confused, a little out of breath because he went into a full blown rant, Levi looked back at Eren. He hasn't even realized that at some point he started to stare into space as he talked.

Eren was smiling but his eyes were a tad sullen.

"It sounds like that couple loved you."

Levi knew it was true, he was a teenager back then, stupid and emotional, angry at the whole world but even then he was aware of that much. It was unfortunate that he could not appreciate it back then the way those two deserved it.

"T-they did. They accepted that I was gay like it was nothing, it was just another thing they learned about me and took it as it was – a part of me.

Though the school wasn't as happy. I was an idiot. I was almost flaunting the fact that I was gay, and much sexually active one like I was just asking for someone to defy me. And they did, but not for the things I thought they would.

I was a mess. Everyone was scared of me, and those who weren't and tried to beat up "that fag" got their asses handed back to them. I didn't care about school, did enough work to pass.

One thing that couple was firm about was the drugs, that they wouldn't tolerate it yet it never crossed my mind to do them to make them put me back into foster care. I think I subconsciously wanted to stay.

But then Farlan and Isabel came. They were a few months older than me, seeing how my birthday is at the very end of the year. They were both eighteen and living together, finally rid of the foster care.

It went down from then. We were crazy, partying, drinking and then even came the drugs."

"But you said…" 

"Let's say I was a good actor. Plus at that point I didn't care much, I was almost eighteen myself, certain that they would throw me out either way."

Levi took a deep breath, mulling things over, wondering what he should and what shouldn't he keep to himself. What was gonna be able to go through his mouth and what would, like always, get stuck midway.

"It's okay. You don't have to keep going, Levi. You already said enough."

"No. It's fine. Unfortunately, their freedom didn't last long. One night they bought some trash stuff and both overdosed."

"Levi…," Eren whispered and this time put a firm grip on Levi's palm.

"That was a wake-up call for me. I confessed to my foster parents that I've been doing drugs for a couple of months which was why I was on the verge of not finishing high school. I was so done with things at that point that I didn't even care if they'd throw me out. But they surprised me again – they only asked if I was done with drugs or if I was telling them because I was asking for help. I told them it was both.

That was the one time I asked for their help. I decided I'd become someone for those two. I was lazy but not stupid so somehow, even that late in the game I pulled up my grades to something decent enough. I got into college by some miracle and left their house the day I graduated."

"W-what did they say? Didn't they try to stop you?" Eren stumbled on his words, his hand entwined with Levi's though it seemed neither of them realized it. Both just let that be.

"They didn't know. I left when they were at work."

"B-but why?"

"I just figured I used enough of their kindness staying after I was already eighteen. Didn't want to prolong the inevitable. I never let myself think of them as a family even when I think they treat me like their own."

"Have you spoken to them? I mean after that?"

"No. Never. I made sure to go to a college far away, told them I got into a different one and never stepped foot in that neighbourhood ever again."

"Levi!"

Levi startled and looked at Eren again. His hands felt cold now that the younger man has let them go.

"I bet they were worried about you! If they are anything like you say they were, I bet they still _are_!"

"It's a thing of the past so drop it." Levi disregarded and looked away. "After that, I struggled through, got multiple jobs to pay through college, lived in many dumps and when...when I was close to hitting bottom again, I met Erwin."

Levi faintly heard Eren's breath hitch but he didn't say anything to interrupt Levi.

"He helped me out even when I was kicking and screaming I didn't want his help or charity."

"I have a feeling it wasn't metaphoric kicking and screaming we are talking about here."

"Your guess is correct. Well, that's about it. Our friendship was a mess. I was so withdrawn when I met him it took a saint's patience to deal with me. But he did and somehow we ended up together. End of story." Levi looked back at Eren. "So as you can see, I'm not as pulled together as you might think. I drank, I did drugs and whatnot. And I'm not saying I got over it all, Eren. When….When Erwin went into a coma, and after a month doctors said straight up they didn't think he'd wake up, I spiraled down again. I pushed everyone away, I didn't go into work, I drank myself unconscious and, I am ashamed to say, reached for drugs again. Anything to forget. Anything that would stop the thinking."

"A-are you trying to say ''hey, look, I'm the same." Eren quipped, letting a scoff escape. "Because, as much as I apre…."

"No. I am not saying anything of that sort. I am telling you about how fucked I am myself. I'm telling you my own secrets but by which I want you to get one thing – and it's that I _know_ how it is when you want to forget. When you want close everything out.

I haven't told you this to say ''Hey! I had a problem but now I'm all cured!'' Because I fucking cracked many times. I had a weak moment and crumbled. But you're not a hopeless case, Eren unless you give up. I won't preach it's easy, all of these are addictions like any other. It's never easy. There's no single right answer that will work for everyone. But you have to work. You have to try and see what works for _you_.

I didn't go into rehab. I had a problem, but luck had it that, for me, a strong kick in the ass was enough. Maybe talking to someone won't be what you need but you won't know unless you try. Go back to working out with Mikasa, hit the gym more often, try other things to vent and when you'll have the urge to hurt yourself – call me. Or anyone else you want. And if that won't work, we'll go from there.

But don't you fucking try to think you failed because of what happened yesterday. You had a breakdown and now we'll get you back up."

To anyone else Levi's face looked the same as always but Eren knew. He learned all the quirks and minuscule changes in his expression, the gentle twitch of the lip, small widening of eyes, brows furrowed but not angry – Eren could clearly read it now. Eren searched Levi's eyes and all he saw was determination. That and a whole lot of care. That look combined with words, so out of character for Levi but yet so fitting, crumbled any leftover walls Eren had around him.

Ever since reading that wretched letter in his parents' house, since yesterday's episode, Eren saw a spark of hope. Levi reminded Eren something that he should've been aware of this whole time – that he wasn't alone with all of this, that he had friends that he failed to go to (that will be really pissed but comforting at the same time when they'll find out about this). And now Levi was telling him that Eren also had him.

Eren had no idea which words did it but in the next moment, his lip was quivering again.

"T-Thank you, Levi. I…"

"Oh gosh, I never thought you'd be such a cry baby!"

"W-wha…" Eren stammered, not knowing what Levi was talking about but then his vision blurred and then blanked out when Levi wrapped a single arm around his head, pulling Eren into his chest. Eren squeaked in surprise but then felt tears streaming down his face.

He hasn't even registered that he had started crying again!

Yet, Eren's arms wrapped around Levi on their own accord and while tears continued, he started to laugh quietly. He had his face buried in Levi's chest so he had no chance to see the rare smile that came on the other's man face.

It was a very awkward and weird situation – Eren was chuckling like a lunatic with teary eyes, him and Levi hugging as Levi wore a small, calm smile on his face but everything about it felt perfect all the same to both men.

"I know I warned you about me."

"Huh?" Levi questioned without letting Eren go, his chin comfortable on top of Eren's head.

"That me and my friends are a weird bunch and the weirdness was catching."

Levi swallowed hard; each time Eren spoke his breath grazed his neck. He hoped the other man wouldn't notice and so he decided to end this conversation as quick as possible.

"I never claimed not to be weird myself, you know?"

"True. Though I figured that myself some time ago already." Eren chuckled, shaking in his laughter. His breath intensified on Levi's neck and his bushy hair started to tickle Levi's chin.

"Oi!" Levi pretended to be angry and rubbed his chin into Eren's head as a retaliation. Just like before, the brunet yelped in pain and pulled away. Levi had mixed feeling whether he was more glad or disappointed of that fact. Any earlier discomfort of Eren's breath on him, Levi covered up with a smug look. 

"You're very violent." Eren pouted as he rubbed his head. "I'll go bald before you old man if you keep that going."

"Oooi!" Levi warned, his hand reaching for Eren once again but Eren pulled away chuckling.

When Eren stopped his laughter, both men looked at each other and sighed at the same time. No more needed to be said, they understood that the storm was over, the anguish put behind.

"Thank you, Levi." Eren whispered, wiping away the last of his tears, those of pain and laughter mixed together.

"No problem. Eren, I…"

"Eren! I did it. Well not actually _it_ , oh my god no. But I…"

Levi and Eren both startled and looked towards the entrance to see Armin dashing straight into Eren's apartment.

And then Armin halted in his steps.

He looked between Levi and Eren in confusions. Eren could only imagine what was going through Armin's head at that moment. The fact that Levi stayed over, him and Eren in such close proximity on the couch, Levi in the same clothes he wore yesterday while Eren still wore his wifebeater from the party. Good thing he at least put some pants over his boxers.

"Um, I…" Armin stammered, looking between the two men and then he took a closer look at Eren. When those red eyes and tear stained cheeks registered with Armin, his eyes widened. "Eren, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?" He took a step closer towards Eren. "What happened?" And then his head whipped towards Levi so quickly Levi startled in his spot and then leaned away from Armin when he saw the face expression on the blond's face. An actual chill ran down Levi's spine because of daggers Armin was sending his way.

Thankfully, Eren came to his rescue.

"No! Armin, no! Levi didn't do anything!" Eren screeched, leaning his body to the side to hide Levi behind him.

Armin looked away from Levi with reluctance and back at Eren. Levi took that as his cue.

"I think I should go home now."

Eren looked back at Levi, surprise, and fear in his eyes.

"No. Levi, this is... " He looked at Armin again. "Armin, it's not what this looks like." Eren looked at Levi again, desperation in his eyes as Levi started getting up. "Levi, let me…"

Levi smiled at the picture of panicked Eren, torn between who he should speak to first. He decided to take pity on him and put his arm on Eren's shoulder as the other man twisted his head right and left.

"Calm down, Eren." The green eyes looked at him and stopped there. "I would've been going home soon anyway. And I think this a good opportunity to talk to Armin, don't you think so?" Eren mouth parted as his panicked breathing slowed down and then nodded. He let out a long breath out and smiled at Levi as his nodding became more certain.

"Good. It's okay." Levi responded when Eren made a gesture to get up and pushed on his shoulder to sit him back down. "Don't walk me out. And call me at some point?" Eren nodded again.

Levi squeezed lightly and then let his hand slide off Eren's arm with just the tiniest amount of hesitation. When passing Armin he looked at the confused blond. His anger seemed to be gone now but the look on his face told Levi he still didn't trust what he saw.

"I leave him in your care, Armin." Levi said only above a whisper when passing and walked out the apartment with much urgency. He had to do it now or he wouldn't do it at all. Levi knew he was leaving Eren in his best friend's care, the best care he could be right now but that didn't mean it was any easier to close those doors behind.

 

 

* * *

  

 

"Okay…" Armin slumped on the couch next to Eren, still in his coat and heavy winter boots, looking straight ahead, trying to wrap his head around everything that he just saw. "One – woah. I mean like, woah. And two – double woah. And three…"

"It's not what you might think, Armin." Eren said, staring at his turned off TV just the same as Armin was doing right now.

"Oh, no. I am not thinking anything. I am judging what I just saw. B-but that's a whole other ordeal." Armin took off his jacket and threw it over the back of the couch, looking at Eren who didn't do the same until Armin put his hand on his thigh. "What happened, Eren?" Armin asked in a quiet and calm tone.

And in seconds Eren was spilling everything. He spoke on and on with no pause longer than to catch his breath and Armin didn't interrupt him once. Only when Eren told him about trashing his room and showed Armin his hands, which he conveniently kept hidden under his legs ever since Armin came, Armin let out a quiet gasp. After that, Eren continued as Armin petted his bandaged hand with much care, a sad look painted on his face.

Eren told him about everything – about throwing up, about Levi taking care of him, about waking up in the middle of the night and trashing his room, how Levi dashed in and took care of him once again. With a broken voice, he told Armin about how safe he felt falling asleep next to Levi and then tears clouded his eyes when he told of the reason behind his breakdown.

Eren left nothing out, just like Levi told him to and it felt like a great weight has been lifted off his heart. When his story came to an end – with how Levi shared his own past with him – details of which he didn't mention to Armin and his friend understood perfectly – Eren was on verge of tears again. He was always hot-headed but not that emotional, so the amount of crying he's been doing surprised Eren himself.

Eren sniffed a couple of times, deciding he was growing tired of crying and reluctantly looked at Armin. His friend looked away at some point and was now biting his nails, a habit, Eren knew, that surfaced when he was deep in thought. Eren was nervous what that could mean for him.

"Do you not trust me anymore?" Armin whispered, turning his head back to Eren.

"W-what?" Eren stammered out as he felt a pang in his heart when he saw the hurt in Armin's eyes.

Armin jumped from his seat and started walking around the living room. He was moving his mouth but no sound came out. He stopped promptly, ran a hand through his growing out hair and looked at Eren.

"No. Rewind that. This is not about me. It doesn't matter. First things first – have you talked to your mother?"

"No. I-I didn't. I didn't have a chance, yet." Eren stammered for a moment, not sure what to make of Armin's behavior. "But Armin, about your question, I…"

"No, Eren. We have to do this one step at a time, and the last thing you need is…"

"What? A friend being what he is supposed to be – honest?"

"That's not what I…"

"I know what you meant. You meant to spare my feeling right now because I am a fucking mess. But this is not how we work, Armin. That's what I forgot about in this whole fiasco. That we were always honest with each other, no matter what. I let the weight of my problems cloud my judgment, make me forget how much you mean to me, and how important you are in my life."

Armin looked away but Eren still saw a faint blush on his light cheeks and just the tiniest smile decorating his face. He chuckled and looked back at Eren.

"You're right. But let me get this whole thing in order the way I think is best, okay?"

"Yes. But we're honest with each other, end of story."

"Yes." Armin confirmed and sat back down next to Eren. "Why didn't you talk to your mom?"

Eren sighed. It seemed Armin wasn't planning to beat around the bush.

"I'm scared, Armin. It's all my fa…."

"Don't you fucking think of finishing that sentence with " all my fault!" Eren actually flinched. It wasn't often that his best friend cursed.

"But…"

"No buts! I've known Carla Jaeger for the majority of my life so I can tell you for a fact no thought like that would ever cross her mind! She fucking loves you to death, Eren. You know that." 

"Then why didn't she tell me about her condition?!"

"Because she loves you. She's a smart woman but if there's one thing she's not rational about, it's her kids. She didn't want to worry you, Eren. I'm not saying what she did was right but I can understand. She wants to protect you, and in her mind, that means lessening things you worry about, herself included. Parents are illogical like that. She wants to make your life easier, especially ever since the accident."

"But that's the thing! The whole accident is the reason for all of this in the first place!"

"But it was just that – an accident, Eren."

"No, it…"

"Please, Eren, stop this blame you put upon yourself. Please." Armin whispered the last word with desperation in his eyes and Eren nodded. Armin put his hands on top of Eren's and continued. "This brings us to another topic – your hands, Eren. Oh, my god, your hands are…"

"They'll heal soon enough." Eren brushed it off. He patted Armin's hands as he went on. "I know I went overboard again. I think it's all because I was keeping it in and…" His words halted when he looked at Armin and saw tears in his friend's eyes. "A-armin?"

"Why do you care so little about yourself? Why do you not care about getting hurt? You brush it off with such ease, but you're injured! Eren, you're in pain and you don't even care!" Armin fumed, taking both of Eren's hands into his own and bringing them up closer to his face. He looked down at them as a tear slipped down his cheek and took off the bandage from Eren's right hand, as gentle and slow about it as he could. Eren didn't dare to try and stop him. When the cloth was off at last and Eren's injuries in plain sight, Eren heard Armin's breath hitch. It stung a little when his friend brushed the raw, red skin of his fist but he held back a hiss. Eren's eyes widened in surprise when Armin brought his knuckles to his lips and kissed them. When Armin spoke, he kept his eyes locked on Eren's wounds. "We all care about you, Eren, so it pains us seeing you like this. We all almost lost you once. Not just your family but us too, your whole group of whacky friends. Haven't you suffered enough pain already?'' Armin uttered and slowly looked back at Eren, who was lost for words.

Armin was right. Eren rarely cared about himself, about getting hurt and wounds he inflicted on his body were quickly brushed away. He never stopped to think how others, those closest to his heart, felt when they saw him. If anything, he cared about their wellbeing and for now, he decided, that had to be enough of a force to drive him to get better. The last thing Eren wanted was to hurt his family and friends. Maybe one day he would work on getting better for himself.

Eren bobbed his head as he answered Armin's tears with his own. Next thing Eren knew, they were hugging the life out of each other as he said sorry into Armin's ear over and over again.

Eren knew he was an emotional wreck today, getting angry and yelling just to be crying for the umpteenth time in the next moment but with each episode, he felt lighter, better, and just a tad stronger. The pain left him and it made space for resolution – to get better if not for himself then for those who he loved.

When they let go of each other and Eren looked at Armin again, he was surprised he saw a glare pointed at him.

"I'm still mad you, Eren. I can't believe you didn't say anything to me!" And just like that Armin was back to pacing the room. Eren sighed and readied himself for some serious reprimanding. Didn't know what he was thinking to hope that Armin would spare him this time. Armin ranted on and on and Eren patiently listened, knowing well enough that he deserved all of it.

"But you just wait. You'll get your punishment for this." Eren raised his eyebrow in question. "You still have to tell Mikasa."

Eren groaned in response and hid his face in his hands.

He forgot about that. And Armin was mad enough to point that out. Eren feared that if Armin was this angry right now, how vexed he would get if he ever knew about something else Eren was keeping a secret. Eren did not even want to imagine that scenario.

Eren kept on whining for some time as Armin looked at him, a sad smile on his face.

Armin figured his friend had enough on his plate already; Eren didn't need him mentioning how he noticed how hard it was for Levi to leave his side or the way Levi was looking at Eren when he told him to talk to Armin. Those were the reasons he was in such shock when he first came in.

Eren did not need to know just yet how lovestruck Levi looked. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Levi, have mercy on the company's property."

"Huh?" Levi looked away from his laptop to see Hange leaning on his office's door frame, a smirk present, as always, on their face.

"We can hear you typing all the way from the conference room. And that's not even the next room _and_ you have your door closed. What has the poor appliance ever done to you?"

"Nothing. I just want to finish this quickly." Levi mumbled, looking back at the screen, a scowl appearing on his face. Then his cell phone rang, announcing a received message and both Levi and Hange jumped at the sudden noise.

Levi grabbed the phone even before it stopped its short ringing.

His eagerness didn't escape Hange's attention, who kept on watching, curious what could have Levi acting so strange.

As Levi's eyes scanned the screen, his furrow deepened and Hange could see the first signs of annoyance at its finest on his face. His jaw tightened, the vein on his forehead pulsing and visible even to Hange. Whoever it was, Hange felt sorry for them.

"I can't. It's beyond my comprehension. I swear I'll..." Levi's growling went into incoherent mumbling as he clicked on his smartphone with such strength as if it was a normal phone and had buttons that needed to be pressed. Hange approached him carefully and was just about to open their mouth to say something but Levi head snapped back up. Hange startled and took a step back. "That's it! I've had it with his bullshit!"

"Levi?" Hange asked confused as hell but didn't dare to raise their tone above a whisper.

"I'm going out for lunch. I'll be back in an hour or two. Don't know. If the police call that means I lost all my patience." 

And just like that, in a matter of moments, Levi pulled on his jacket, grabbed his cell phone and was out of the office as Hange gaped at the spot his back was a moment ago.

After the initial shock subsided, Hange leaned back on Levi's desk and sighed a quiet chuckle.

"Oh, poor Eren. What have you done this time."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

That was it! He just had it! Levi was certain Eren at least had _some_ brain cells but it seems he was mistaken.

They talked honestly that day at his apartment, Levi was certain that they parted on the same page but it seemed he was gravely mistaken. Because what has Eren been doing for the last week?

Ignoring him!

Levi sent a text to Eren two days after their conversation had taken place, thinking that maybe calling was to forward yet (don't judge him, he was still awkward as hell when it came to human interaction). It wasn't like he was just the tiniest bit scared to actually speak with Eren after that morning. No, it wasn't like that at all.

And what did Levi get as a response to his ''Has everything turned out okay between you and Armin?" message?

He got a vague "It was ok. Srry, busy. TTYL."

Levi even had to search what the fucking TTYL meant. When he did, he was not pleased. A day after that stupid message he decided to call Eren. And it was only after half an hour of getting his shit together and pressing the annoying green button.

What did he get?

Nothing.

Because the damn thing went straight to voicemail. And the same thing repeated three times and when Levi finally got a normal signal the next day, Eren just did not pick up. Twice.

Levi couldn't say if he was being too pushy or importunate. Why? Because, again, he just did not know how these things worked. And he never cared before to think about it. He just interacted with people, always his snippy self and if they stayed around? Good. If they didn't? Oh, well.

This was probably his first time that he was reaching out, initiating things and had not the slightest idea if was going about it the right way.

Some part of him was telling him to step back, give Eren space if he wasn't all too subtle about showing him he needed one.

But at the same time, he was damn pissed at being ignored and that took precedence over everything else. Unfortunately to Eren, because Levi swore the moment he would see that annoying, too pretty for his own good, man he would….

And then Levi's thoughts were halted when he saw just what he was looking for. Or more like who. Because the moment Levi stepped out of the elevator was the same moment Eren walked out of the locker room. Levi took a deep breath to calm down, all, in all he didn't want to hurt the guy buy a piece of his mind he would give.

Levi crossed the distance between them in long strides approaching from right, while Eren took a left, unaware of his impending doom, and then reached out and grabbed the younger man's collar. When Levi halted him back in his steps he heard a squeal escape the man and when Eren started to turn around he started to say something that sounded a lot like "What the fuck" but when he saw who it was that behind him, Eren shut his mouth mid-word. His eyes widened and if Levi had to describe him as anything at that moment, he looked like a puppy that just shitted on the carpet and the owners found out.

There and then Levi knew he wasn't imagining things, that Eren was indeed ignoring his calls and avoiding talking to him. It should've made him angrier but for some reason all he felt, when looking at Eren's expression of deer caught in the headlights, was sadness. He felt disappointed and a tad stupid. For a first time in his life, Levi was questioning his actions, wondering if he wasn't getting some hint because of the way he was when it came to people.

He felt it was a vulnerability and he did what always did in moments of weakness – he put up his defense. So he tried to look at Eren with the meanest demeanor he could muster but then Eren started mumbling awkwardly and the angry look crumbled in an instant. Not that the irritation left Levi's voice.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Eren looked at his right hand as he exited the locker room, glad that all that was left were some red traces here and there. He took a week off work for that reason, he knew with a bandaged hand he couldn't perform his job well. He also wanted to avoid the needless questions he knew he would get.

Yes, he's been doing a lot of avoiding this past week. When he thought about it, his cellphone felt that much heavier in his pocket. Eren knew that what he was doing was stupid, childish at best but he just couldn't force himself to answer Levi's calls. The fact in itself that Levi was calling him, asking how he was doing and at this point, very insistent in trying to get a hold of him was enough to make the butterflies in Eren's stomach awaken.

And that was another reason why he kept his cell phone off when he was at Mikasa's gym, where he has spent the majority of his off time, where Mikasa worked him to the bone every single day. Ignoring Levi wasn't only because Eren was slightly embarrassed, or because he was scared that he let his vulnerable side show. Eren was choosing that childish tactic also as means to put some distance between himself and Levi. This was the only way he could think of to begin trying to get over his feelings for the other man. And a cute, persistent Levi was not helping with his resolve.

And then Eren's thoughts and movement were halted back. Literally.

He felt a strong pull on the back of his uniform and the step he was about to take was stopped as the collar pressed against his throat. Eren let out something between a squeal of surprise and choking sound. He started to turn around, beginning to ask the person trying to strangle him what the fuck they were doing but when he saw who it was that was behind him, the words died in Eren's throat.

Here was the man that occupied his thoughts and in that moment, Eren was not ashamed to say he was damn scared of him. Levi looked annoyed, to say the least. Eren's eyes hurt as they widened, his panic rising to the limits and so he did what any other person would do in this situation – he tried to run.

"Oh. Hi, Levi. Sorry, I am really busy so I…" Eren goes to make a run for it but is abruptly halted backward when he feels something tugging on the back of shirt's neck. Again

"Oh, don't you fucking dare, brat! You are not going anywhere." Levi drags Eren back into the locker room he just came out of, closing the door behind.

"But Levi, I have to…" Eren almost whines, looking at the door that just slammed shut.

"Have to what? I can't wait to hear this." To make a point, he took a step back, completely blocking Eren's eventual escape route.

Levi has let the other man go but the look in his eyes was enough to immobilize Eren. He gulped and tried to carry on his explanation. 

"I mean, I-I was…"

"Oh, cut the crap Eren. Just get over it. We had an honest moment, you cried, yelled and shit while I told you some of my own secrets. End of story. We are both men, and gay to boot, so don't tell me you let society brainwash you into this idiotic idea that men should not cry or worse - that they can't get emotionally hurt."

"What?! That's bullshit. I'm not ashamed of crying or any of that! Those are just fucking messed up gender norms that…" Eren looked at Levi, whose eyebrow was slightly raised.

"No. You are not ashamed. You are scared." Levi spoke in a kind tone. Whatever happened to putting up his walls back up, Levi had no clue. When the doors shut behind him, and he and Eren were left alone, Levi felt that it just didn't matter. Levi might not know much about people, but he knew what he felt, and he knew he wanted to be honest with Eren. At least with the things that he could. "Scared that you let your vulnerable side show and shared some deeper secrets and now I have power over you in your mind. But you must've forgotten that I also shared some of my past shit with you."

"But I…!"

"But you won't tell anyone, right? You'll respect what I told you and keep it to yourself? Guess what? So will I. I am not going to use any of it against you and neither do I think any less of you because you have self-harm issues. So stop worrying about getting hurt, alright? And don't you fucking even try again to ignore me, I hate that."

"B-but I wasn't…" Levi gave him a look and Eren sighed. "Ok, so maybe I was planning to." Levi almost growled in anger so Eren was quick to go on. "But not for long! I, I-I just wanted to have some time t-to think things through! I promise. I just need to get my head around all of it, our conversation but also other things and… that's the only solution I came up with." Eren looked down dejected.

"I get that, Eren. But I'd rather you'd just tell me you need some space to get your bearings and I'd give you all the time possible. But if there's one thing that pisses me off like hell is crap like that, a childish game of hide-and-seek. What are we, twelve?"

"You're very straightforward, aren't you?" Eren smiled while sighing in defeat. And there went Eren's plan on putting distance between. He could see now that Levi just wouldn't have it.

"It's my sole redeeming quality." Levi responded with nonchalance in his tone, shrugging his right shoulder.

"Oh, come on! You're not _that_ bad."

"Really? And I am not fishing for compliments here, I'm honestly curious what you can come up with." Levi crossed his arms and waited for Eren to continue.

"Well there's….but then you are...naaah that's more like a no. Then… damn, you're right. There's nothing good about you." Eren ended with a crushed tone and sighed, trying hard not to smile.

"Oi, you little…" Levi growled and in an instance, Eren found his head in a deadlock in Levi's arm, the top of his head receiving a cruel case of a noogie. He whined in pain and laughed at the same time, trying to break Levi's hold on him.

"Ok! OK! I give! I am sorry, I was kidding! Levi, have mercy!" 

Levi let him go with a scoff and when Eren looked at him he had the most satisfied look.

"Weakling. But you are right. I'm a grumpy old man, and short too."

"But that's what's endearing about you."

Silence followed that.

Eren felt his ears warm and seeing the faintest of blushes on Levi's face did not help. He had no idea what came over him, those words just slipped out all on their own!

"Right." Levi muttered, avoiding meeting Eren's eyes for some reason. He cleared his throat and finally looked back at Eren. "Joking aside – I'll ask straight up – do you need some space, to figure things out, maybe get the help we talked about, help out your mom? Because you _did_ talk to her, right?"

"Uuuum…?" Eren felt himself shrinking under Levi's intense gaze.

"Of course you didn't. It's just my advice that you do; can't tell you what to do. But have you thought of the fact that, if indeed she's keeping it a secret, she's bearing it all alone?"

And just like that, the epiphany of that sentence drove daggers into Eren's heart. All this time he was only thinking about himself, how much guilt he was feeling and how everything was his fault while not even once has he spared a thought for his mother. How she felt, how she was healthwise and if she needed any help.

What about Kiri? Who would take care of Kiri if things led to his mom's operation and hospital stay? What about his no-good father? He was barely ever home so there's no way his mom could count on him. Did he even know? Eren really doubted that. His father rarely knew what was going on in his own house when Eren was still a teenager; Eren had no qualms about that changing in the time he's moved out.

Eren felt anger fill him.

Again and again, that rage directed at himself!

His breathing quickened as he started to look around in slight panic, wanting to fix his mistakes right away. He was such a fool!

His mother was always there for him, never in his entire life did she fail to be at his side no matter what he went through. Scraped knees, bad dreams, fights with bullies to protect others, angering his father when he learned to voice his opinions, and then on one of the most important days of his life when he came out to them – she was always there, accepting him with all he was.

Coming out wasn't even a correct term for that day – he just shared another fact about himself and she met him with open arms, like always. He would always remember her warm embrace saying how much she loved her little boy, making his father's indifferent demeanor more bearable. Of course then came the pestering if there was a boy behind his choice to tell them and other embarrassing stuff but that was a sweet cherry on top of that memory.

And here he was, pathetic as always, thinking about himself when she was in need of warm embrace this time. He was torn between just dashing to her and smashing his head against the nearest surface, the need to punish himself so strong he ground his teeth in fury.

He must've looked like a pure mess because moments before deciding between those two choices, he felt Levi's hands on his shoulders, steadying Eren in his craze, forcing Eren to look deep into his gray eyes.

"Sshhh. Calm down, Eren. It's okay.'' And just like that, it was. Everything inside him started to calm down as he looked in Levi's eyes, unconsciously syncing his breathing with Levi's. "Take a deep breath. We'll figure this out together, okay?"

After a longer moment of breathing together, Eren felt his nerves calm down and his fists loosen. He hasn't even realized he was squeezing them and to the extent that, even without looking, he was quite certain bloody indents were now present on his palms.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset." Levi was reluctant to let go of Eren, his touch lingering for a moment longer. He took a step back but not as far away as when they were talking earlier, like Levi was afraid if he put too much distance between them, Eren would crash again.

"I should be the one who's sorry, Levi. Look at me. I'm a fucking mess. I'm…"

"Stop. Stop putting yourself down because you have a problem."

"But…"

"No buts. One problem at a time." Levi held his gaze, giving Eren no space to argue.

"You're right. Thank you. I'm surprised you haven't…" Levi gave him a look that shut Eren's mouth. "So, no. I didn't talk to my mother because I had my head shoved too far into my ass."

"Kinky."

Eren cringed but a scoff escaped him nevertheless. Levi broke all the tension that was starting to build up with a single, a little vulgar, word. Eren sighed but smiled kindly at Levi.

"Oh my god, you're the worst." Levi responded with a smug smile. "Thank you. I'll go talk to my mother tonight."

"That's a good idea. You can message or call me how that goes if you want."

"I will. I also talked to Armin that day, just like you thought I should. You were right – he was damn pissed I kept it all to myself. He was frightening." Eren shuddered at the memory.

"Really? The chibi can do scary?"

Eren gave Levi a look that spoke ''pot calling the kettle back'' but thought it was better not voice it.

"Yes, Armin can do scary. It rarely happens but when it does it's like a combo accumulated from all the time he was calm. Well, we… " Eren looked down uncertain but it lasted a second. "We talked about my... _problem_. He told me the same thing you did, which is to try to get someone to help me."

"And?" Levi asked with no small amount of uncertainty in his voice.

"You're both right. I know that. I-I… but I tried dealing with this once before and I failed!" Eren's answer was a little too loud which surprised Levi into taking a step back. Eren mumbled 'sorry', looking down at his shoes in shame.

"So you fucking trying again. Maybe you just went the wrong way about it last time. You tried to vent by yourself with exercise and it helped for a while but maybe what you lacked was some professional help. There's no fucking shame in that."

Eren looked up with hesitation and was taken back by the look of determination on Levi's face. There was no doubt in his voice, there was no uncertainty in his posture. It was like he was telling Eren he was confident that Eren would win this time and he would stick around and help him, there was no need to ask. All Eren could respond to this was to stand up straight and nod once.

"Again – just fucking call me when you'll need anything. If not me, then one of your crazy friends. You are surrounded by people that care about you, yet…"

"I know, I know. Believe me, after talking with Armin, I _know._ It's... it's nice to know you're one of those people, Levi."  Eren admitted awkwardly. Levi opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He stood there for a long moment with his mouth open. It seemed Levi was thinking intensely what his response should be but then he cleared his throat and mumbled a faint 'sure' that almost missed Eren's ears.

"So, what do you say I come after your shift's over and drive you to your parents'?"

"But…"

"Don't worry. I won't come in. I'm just offering you a ride."

"That's not…"

"It's no problem. I'm going over to Mike's after, it's been a while and his house is on the way."

"You just thought of visiting Mike this instant, right? He has no clue you are coming over, does he?"

"True."

Eren couldn't help it and burst out laughing while Levi smiled in response.

"Fine. Thank you, I'll take you up on that offer."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"I swear, my office is becoming a fucking matchmaking place! I don't know which is worse – Gun and Erd eye fucking all the time or Oluo making puppy eyes at Petra when she's not looking or Petra, being clumsy little shit when he does, because she feels _someone's_ stare at her." Levi groaned at the thought, weeping internally. Of course, the only response  Eren had for him was a chuckle.

"It sounds fun, actually." Eren jested, grinning his signature smile. Levi knew he should be annoyed at being made fun of but that smile soothed that over. Who cared about that when he finally saw something he hadn't realized he's been missing for a long time.

"Really? Switch places with me, and then we'll see what you'll think."

"I bet you are making it worse that it is."

"Come over, you'll see. But warn you – guys are _still_ annoying me about that cake of yours."

"Huh?" Eren looked confused at Levi as they entered the elevator and pressed the button for the first floor.

"Oh, right. The one time you were over and left the cake ''by accident"," Levi looked at Eren and Eren knew that he wasn't as subtle about that as he thought. "I brought it to work and guys went crazy about it. They keep asking me to get a recipe. Or better, to talk you into making one for them."

Eren eyes widened as his cheeks reddened. He stared at his shoes as he mumbled.

"Y-you can tell them, it's no problem. Once I'll have more time on my hands I'll make them one."

"Stop that. I was joking, you don't have to."

"But it's okay." Eren managed to look at Levi again, his cheeks cooling down. "I don't mind. Really." The elevator chimed and they exited the elevator so Eren had to look forward again. "I enjoy… Armin?"

"You enjoy Armin?" Levi asked confused but then followed Eren's eyes. His own eyebrows widened when he saw Armin in a company of a bulky blond he did not know that was good twenty centimeters taller than him. Nothing would be odd about if not for a fact that the taller male had his hand gently set on Armin's back and they seemed to be lost in their own world, chatting with smiles on their faces as they headed for the hospital's exit.

"A-armin?" Eren tried again, this time louder and this caught the attention of the other two males. Armin looked behind and you could see the moment when he realized who it was that was calling his name. The taller man has let him go and they both turned around. When the other man saw Eren, he also got a look of surprise. "Wha…? I mean? Reiner?"

Eren frantically looked between two blonds. He stopped with looking at Armin.

"Hi, Eren?" Armin tried.

"Hi, Eren? That's what you say?" Eren gaped.

"I have a feeling I forgot to tell you in the end."

"I don't know that it was you wanted to tell me, but I am most certainly missing something here."

"Are you mad?" Armin asked quietly.

"Armin, I have no idea what's going so I'm not sure what I feel right now."

"I'm guessing you failed to mention us?" The man, whose name was Reiner it seemed, said to Armin. Levi faintly saw Eren mouth the word ''us'', eyes almost going out of their sockets.

"I went to his place on the same day, but things happened. And…"

"Sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but we're kind of blocking the exit." Eren, Armin, and Reiner looked around after Levi's remark and saw that indeed, people had to walk around them to get outside. "Let's go to a parking lot?" All three nodded and so they went.

They walked to Levi's car because it seemed Reiner and Armin were planning to go on foot, where they stopped. After looking at the awkward trio, Levi decided to go inside his car but he still heard the whole conversation.

"I'm not mad, Armin. You know I could never be. I'm….confused? Because I am judging this whole situation correctly, right? You and Reiner, my friend who's a physical therapist at the hospital are…" Eren let the silence end that sentence for him.

"Yes. And no. I mean… Let me go from beginning. That afternoon, I came over to tell you I got it together to ask out the guy I was talking about." Armin gazed shyly at Reiner who answered with his own smile. "But you had your own problems to deal with and…"

"That doesn't matter. Things happening in your life are important and…" Eren nearly shouted but Armin silenced him with a raised hand.

"I know. But it's simple – after our conversation I just forgot."

"But now that I recall, you came into my apartment so excited!" Eren said dejected, feeling so bad for making it impossible for his dearest friend to share his happy news with him. Eren could see they were smitten with each other, with how Armin looked to the side and away from Reiner. Both of their blushes matched in their intensity.

"B-because I was. I just…" Armin sighed and looked back at Eren. "Do you mind?" He asked straight up, so serious it shocked Eren.

"How can you even ask that? Of course, I don't? Why would I? And why would that even matter?"

"You know why, Eren."

"Stop that, Armin. I'm happy for you, as always. You just caught me off guard. And it's my first time seeing you with, well, a _guy._ Oh shit," Eren quickly looked at Reiner and then back at Armin. "I didn't say anything wrong now, did I?"

"No. Reiner knows I've dated women up till now. We've actually known each other for some time through you."

"I forgot about that in this chaos." Eren chuckled. But then he looked at Reiner with a serious face. The taller man straightened up unconsciously. "Reiner. Y…"

"You don't have to say anything, Eren. I know you. I'm aware what you'll do to me if I hurt him in any way.

"Good."

"Ereeeeen." Armin whined, hiding his face in his hands. "You're embarrassing."

"Like you wouldn't be doing the same thing if me and…" Eren halted and Armin looked up and through his fingers, his eyebrows raised. "You know what I mean."

"Eren, about that. What's…"

"Right. Levi is giving me a ride to my parents. I'm going to talk to my mom tonight."

"Smooth, very smooth. But we'll talk later. And about that talk with your mom – call me?"

"I promise. You guys have fun. But not _too_ much. It is your first date."

"Ereeeeeen." Armin whined again, face beet red as Eren walked to the car chuckling.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"I know this probably a stupid question, seeing how… Nevermind." Levi scoffed and looked back ahead, away from Eren who was gathering his courage to step out of Levi's car and onto the pathway that led to his parents' house.

"No. Ask, Levi. I won't mind whatever it is."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Eren urged Levi to keep on talking only because he wanted to have an excuse to stay in the car for a little longer. So the question caught him off guard. He looked at Levi, unsure what he his response should be.

"I told you, nevermind. It was stupid…"

"No. It was actually very… sweet. I really appreciate the thought, Levi. I do. So thank you, but I think I'll be okay. I hope at least."

"Of course you'll be. I mean, I only met your mother once but she seemed like a kind person." Levi was trying to keep it calm after Eren's first compliment and the warm smile he received as a reaction wasn't helping him at all.

"She is. Is stubborn as a mule but very kind."

"No wonder her son is the same." Levi remarked with a smirk.

"Hey!" Levi gave him a look and Eren sighed. "Though you are right, everyone tells me how much we are alike. Anyway, I bet they already noticed your car so I can't stall much longer. And lower those eyebrows, old man. Yes, admit I was stalling. There. Happy?"

"Very."

"Thank you for the ride, Levi. And thank you for the kick in the butt."

''Any time."

After one last, very long sigh Eren got out of the car. Levi watched as he slowly approached the door, raised his hand to ring the doorbell but stopped midway and dropped his hand back to his side. Levi was about to get out of the car and maybe him not so metaphorical kick in the ass but then Eren shook his head, smiled to himself and then just walked inside the house.

When Eren closed the door behind, Levi let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. And then unceremoniously dropped his head on the steering wheel, missing the horn by millimeters.

And then Levi let out a long and loud whine.

After about a minute or two staying like that, he finally took out his cell phone, clicked three in his faves list and put to his ear. He listened to the signal and when the other person picked up, he didn't even let them speak.

"You better be home, Mike, because I will be over at your place in about fifteen minutes. And you better have some strong booze."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
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> Slur language, Homophobia mention, Self-harm, Blood, Panic Attacks, Mentions of drugs, Underage drinking, Drug abuse, Drugs overdose. 
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>  **Last side note:**  You might have noticed that I changed the way I talk about Hange in this chapter, that I changed the pronouns for this character. Well, there's a reason behind that (short story time): When I first started SNK, I started with the anime, after that I read the manga and to be blunt, I wasn't aware until much later in my journey into the fandom and a couple of chapters into this fic, that Hange's gender wasn't specified and it wasn't meant to be. So I just thought that Hange was a woman. I was thorn what I should do about that mistake of mine in this fic, and I finally decided that from now on I'll use they/them pronouns for this character, and change it so in previous chapters gradually.
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>  **LAST NOTE:**  
>  This is the last note, and I decided to put it at the end for no other reason that I felt it was best that you read the chapter first before  _this_.  
>  And _this_ is: I've decided to change this fic's title. So, if you listened to my request, this is the last time you are seeing this under the title of  _Frozen Still_. I know it's a drastic change, but I've been thinking of doing this for a long time now. I suck at titles, and as much as this fic has  _become_ its title so to speak (or how my friend said this title is its  _brand_ ) I was never completely satisfied with it. Something was missing from the main idea that was I was trying to go for, the message just wasn't there.
> 
> I hope you won't dislike this selfish decision of mine too much and you'll still like my baby under a new name.
> 
> You're probably wondering "Well, what's the new title then?"
> 
> Well, I am an inner sadist (again, my friend would probably say not so  _inner_ but well xD) and I won't tell you just yet. This title will remain the way it is for the time being. Maybe it will be a week, maybe until next chapter who knows? I just hope you'll like the new title as much as I already do.
> 
> And now to the last of all the notes:
> 
> **THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!!**
> 
> You have no idea how much I appreciate that you stuck around, no words will express it well enough. 


	23. The Announcement

**Hello guys!**

 

Guess what? This fic is now THREE YEARS OLD!!! 

 

So it's no coincidence that I write here today with news that, in about an hour or so, this fic will have a new title!!! :D I'm actually really excited for this; I really really hope you will be as well when you see it. The reason why I am writing separately here, in an actual chapter-post way is to avoid any confusion. For example, if you enabled mail notifications for this fic you won't suddenly get it under a different name and won't know what the hell's going on xD

But there's a bit more technical news, so please bear with me. 

Besides the title change, there are other small changes going on - I have been re-reading this monstrosity of mine since chapter 1 and revising it, proofreading and such (changing Hange's pronouns among other things). The reason for this is that I am perfectionist, a control freak and so on, so it has been bugging me for the longest of time that the earlier chapters weren't always posted with previous, thorough going over, plus my style changed (I hoped for the better) and I felt I just needed to fix it for you as well as for myself. No worries, no major changes have been/will be made but if so, I will notify you guys, but so far only the smallest change has been made.  

Which brings me to another technicality - I will post the changed fragments on tumblr (haven't figured out how that will work just yet) but I will make note of them here as well. 

But a more significant change that will take place is with the chapters themselves - after going over the chapter (at this point I'm revising chapter 9) I came to the conclusion I need to ''fuse'' some together to make the flow better, so it will fit better with the later chapters. So, in the near the future, if you come here and realize there are fewer chapters than there should be, that will be the reason behind it ^_^ (At this point I know only of three 'fusions' so I can tell you that much). Again - any change, I will let you guys know so you will be up to date. How? I am planning on posting on my tumblr ''new'' chapters under the new fic title, which means that my earlier fic tag is gonna be deleted, replaced with the new one. Some chapter titles might change as well.

But I realized one thing well - when I fuse the titles, I will have to delete others and... your LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL comments guys, which pains me greatly, I hope I could save them in some way... I'm really sorry about it, but I feel it will be really for the better. 

Also, with each chapter that I revise/fuse I will post the chapter post on tumblr, you will have an insight into my progress; simply: chapter revised -> tumblr repost. As you can seem this whole fic is getting a makeover but I hope, in a way, it's also a revival. At this point I am more concentrated with fixing things already posted, it's a priority for me at the moment, though I am making a draft for the new chapter, but I'll be honest - the perfectionist in me probably won't let me post a new chapter before I fix this whole thing, go over everything in a plot; just wanted to let you guys know - I am working on this, but in a different way. Sorry for the future delay. 

But, I have additional help! I landed a new beta and she's a great help, at the moment she's taking her finals so let's wish her good luck!!!

And last small detail in case you might have missed, I changed my tumblr. Now it's [heartmadefvllmetal](http://heartmadefvllmetal.tumblr.com/) ^_^

If you come back here in a day or two, I will add other fic links in the end notes.

Hope I didn't bore you to death with all this news, luv ya guys!! ^_^

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * [The new fic tag](http://heartmadefvllmetal.tumblr.com/tagged/fic:%20The%20Pain%20We%20Call%20Hope)
>   * Chapter [1&2](http://heartmadefvllmetal.tumblr.com/post/157234397962/the-pain-we-call-hope) have been combined!!!
>   * Chapter [3&4](http://heartmadefvllmetal.tumblr.com/post/169001428272/the-pain-we-call-hope) have been combined!!!
> 



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